Work Text:
It is not unusual for Chan to get home terribly late, feet dragging him after another gruelling day when the notion of time has gotten lost on him and the moon takes the role of leading him back home. It had been his daily routine for years until a year ago, his eyes always looking up at the white sphere in the sky and smiling softly as he felt secured under her guiding light. It might be the wolf inside of him, his hybrid nature feeling comforted by the moon in ways that are hard to even phrase. It felt like they had a deal – “you keep me safe and guide me back to my mate, and, in return, I’ll show you off to him, tell him all about my Moon Mother and the sweet inspiration you lay onto me”. So, Chan would take a picture and send it promptly to Hyunjin, their bond strengthened by her grace.
He does so again, for the first time in what feels like forever, snapping a quick picture of her roundness before sending it to Hyunjin with a simple message – The moon looks beautiful (I love you he doesn’t say, but he is sure Hyunjin reads it either way), even though he is aware he will be promptly scolded in the morning when Hyunjin realizes what time the message was sent.
(Still, a smile finds its way to Chan’s lips, because he knows Hyunjin has a secret folder on his phone where he keeps all the pictures Chan sends him on the moon, and that is all that really matters to him. And because he knows Hyunjin only scolds him because he cares for him).
He is about to exit the chatroom with Hyunjin when he realizes his message turns from “delivered” to read “read”, such a mundane thing that he cannot help but fixate on. His eyes drift to the top of his screen, 1:43 staring back at him like an accusatory glance, and he cannot help the sigh that escapes his lips. Chan waits for a second, hoping to see the three dots to appear, but they never come, and for a second he wonders if it has all been a figment of his imagination, his tired eyes playing him like a doll. But when he looks again, the message is still at “read” and he cannot help the way his wolf whines low on his stomach, his fingers shivering a little as he feels the urge to let his hybrid form take hold of his body and rush him home.
He knows better, though, so he pushes the wolf back into his chest and assures him that everything is okay, that they are okay. He stops for a second, closing his eyes to take a deep breath, but his eyelids are a museum of paintings of Hyunjin’s face, of Hyunjin’s smile, of Hyunjin’s pregnant glory, of their tiny kits, bigger now but still small enough to fit on the palm of his hands.
The moon greets him once more when he opens his eyes, reminding him that the world keeps turning and that everything is more than likely okay. If something was truly wrong, he is sure he would find a barricade of anxious, worried texts from the rest of the unconventional packmates urging him to get back home, incessant incoming calls informing him of whatever the hell went down. Hell, he still remembers the time Seungmin and Felix attempted to bake and almost started a fire on their kitchen – Jeongin had dutifully send him a full photo album of their misery, although Chan suspects it was more to taunt the dog and kitten hybrids than to keep their leader informed.
He looks again, just in case he had missed something, as his feet start moving again. There is nothing out of the ordinary – Minho sent a picture of his “siblings”, Jisung sent him a meme he isn’t sure he understands, and there is still that voice note from Seungmin earlier in the day just making fun of him. Other than that, his chats are pretty normal.
The only thing that stands out is his mate’s “read” at 1:43 in the morning.
Now, Hyunjin being awake at such hour would not usually worry Chan. Hyunjin has always been more of a nocturnal animal, and it had been the nights (and the moon) who had seen their very beginnings of their sweet relationship – nights where they would talk about music, where Hyunjin would paint and Chan would sit there, acting like he was working when he was, in fact, mesmerized by the dancer’s presence and grace. Nights when Chan would get home late, and Hyunjin would be sitting in the sofa reading, acting like he was not waiting for Chan to come home (but there would always be snacks on the table for him to eat and a soft blanket to lay under).
It had been under the moon when Chan had broken down after months of not letting his hybrid form thrive, the wolf taking over before he could even stop it, and Hyunjin had been there all along, petting in that spot right between his ears and under his chin, reducing him from the ferocious grey wolf to nothing but a mewling puppy.
And it had been the moon who had been the sole witness of their first kiss, an unsure brush of lips for everything that would entail when the step had been taken.
So, yeah, Chan wouldn’t usually be worried about his mate being up at an unholy hour, if it wasn’t for one small detail… it is not just Chan and Hyunjin now.
It still feels surreal to the wolf, sometimes. Whenever he is forced to walk away, be it because of work or because he is on grocery duty, and the reality comes crashing down on him all over again. He is a dad now. He has babies – beautiful, tiny creatures that depend solely on him and Hyunjin to survive. Kits, taking after Hyunjin with their mostly white fur as they keep their hybrid form at the beginning of their lives.
Chan cannot put into words how utterly terrified he had been the moment they had been born. Although the doctor had hinted at the possibility, everyone had supposed that Chan’s wolf genes would take over and the babies Hyunjin would end up delivering would be half wolf instead of half ferret.
He remembers the pregnancy well enough, every single doctor appointment that never hinted at the birth of kits, every moment where they prepared for the arrival of the babies. Hyunjin had been afraid at times, hormones and pregnancy sometimes reducing him to a crying mess that only Chan’s scent and comfort could ease. Sometimes, he misses walking up behind Hyunjin and holding his stomach to ease the weight of the growing babies, that feeling of sheer happiness as he held his whole world between his two hands, embraced and secured in his arms as he swayed to the sound of their beating hearts.
He remembers that one night – when Hyunjin had broken down at the possibility of not knowing how to handle wolf puppies, of not being attractive to Chan anymore, of not being a good mother. He remembers holding Hyunjin’s face and brushing his tears away as he assured him he was good enough, everything he could have ever wanted and more. How his presence in Chan’s life had meant a warmth that he could never brush off, that ever since he started loving Hyunjin, Chan had becoming softer, gentler, a much better of himself, all because Hyunjin taught him how to.
There are five of them. Five beautiful ferret kits with Hyunjin’s soft white fur and some dark grey spots because of Chan. Two boys. Three girls.
Chan had been the one who had been utterly terrified when he first saw them. His instincts had taken over once they had been back home, his wolf coming to life in an effort to protect his mate and his pups, but he had been too scared to even get close to them, fearing he would end up hurting them somehow. Hyunjin would giggle, beckon him to get closer and hold them, to lay next to him as he fed the kits, but he would just whine, his tail between his legs and his ears flat on his head as he sat like a guardian on the other side of the nest room.
His mate would praise him, tell him how much of a good boy he is, but Chan felt himself quivering every time he would approach the nest to sniff it – one bite and they are gone, his mind would supply, so he walked back to his initial spot. It got worse when the babies started to move around, crawling on the floor and getting close to him. It took his younger boyfriend snapping at him for him to get over himself.
“You’re their dad,” Hyunjin’s voice cut through the fog of Chan’s mind, his eyes fixed on Minhee, the tiniest of the kits who had gotten awfully close to him. “Whatever bullshit your mind is telling you, cut it out right now. You won’t hurt them, my love. They need you.”
They need you.
They need you.
It had been difficult at first, but soon enough Chan would allow himself to get close to them on his wolf form, the one that was mostly out during the first months because of pure instincts. He started to clean them, and Hyunjin would take big pleasure on mounting the five babies on his back as Chan walked them around – they found soon enough how much it helped them sleep to get on Chan’s back and curled on there (although, to be completely honest, the producer was not that surprised at the discovery, taking into account how Hyunjin would often do exactly the same).
And then, the head chomps, as Felix likes to call them. It wasn’t nothing new to Chan, as biting on pups’ heads softly has always been a way to play between canines. Hell, he has done it countless of times to Seungmin when they playfight. Still, the first time one of his kits pushed her head into his open mouth, Chan panicked. It took a lot of coaxing, but eventually he learned how to properly chomp down on the kits as he recognised their need to socialize on their wolf part as well.
His ears perk up as soon as he opens the door to their shared house, straining to hear any possible noise. Hyunjin has not replied, and the possibility of him passing out with his phone out isn’t missed on Chan; still, he feels weird that Hyunjin would fall asleep with his chat on. He hears it, then.
A soft whimpering, a gentle lullaby.
The wolf immediately walks to the nest room, his sensitive nose sniffing the air for some distressing scent, but he fails to find any. His tail is standing up on the air as he gently pushes the door open, careful not to disturb any of their sleeping packmates as he walks further into the room.
Hyunjin is sitting in the middle of the nest, but there is something that immediately strikes him as odd – where all their packmates clothes had once been, now Chan’s garments are taking place. It almost looks like his whole closet has been dump in there, as he recognises different pieces that belong to him. In the ferret hybrid arms, their youngest pup, Sarang, keeps whimpering and squirming, clearly exhausted but unable to fall back asleep with the rest of her siblings. His mate looks exhausted, the bags under his eyes dark and heavy, and his hair sticking in every directing as he keeps rocking back and forth in an attempt to soothe the crying girl.
“Hyune,” he whispers, making sure not to disturb the cuddle pile on the nest. The ferret hybrid’s head immediately snaps towards him, his face split by the smile that takes over him once he realizes Chan is back to him. But, as much as his heart soars at the sight of his beloved, he cannot help but worry when he realizes how pale and sickly Hyunjin looks. “Oh, darling.”
“My love,” Hyunjin says, but his speech is slurred, a mix of exhaustion and whatever illness he has caught catching up to him. He sways a little, his eyes blinking slowly like he can barely keep them open. Chan is aware that Sarang has been having trouble sleeping lately, often only ever truly doing so when she lays next to him, and he has been trying to take over bed time so Hyunjin would be able to take a break. Still, ever since the kits were born, Hyunjin has not been able to sleep unless the five of them were next to him, calm and sated. “You’re home.”
“Oh, hon, you look exhausted,” Chan’s lips purse in a frown as he stands next to the nest, his hand slowly carding through the mess on Hyunjin’s head. The younger man lets him, pushing his head against his palm almost purring as he lets out a big sigh.
“’m not that tired.”
“You can barely speak,” the wolf hybrid points out, one brow arched. Hyunjin just smiles up at him, that cute smile of his where his eyes turn into crescents and his whiskers fully show. God, Chan loves him so much, his heart might end up bursting.
“I was putting Sarang to bed, that’s all,” as his mate keeps (barely) talking, Chan moves his hand down, his palm covering Hyunjin’s forehead and making him almost hiss at the sudden warmth that he feels. “She’s a little fussy.”
“Baby, you’re burning up,” Chan urges, crouching down to be at eye level with his boyfriend. He looks over at the nest again, and it all starts to make sense – that’s why Hyunjin had taken all of his clothes, because he needed the comfort. “Why didn’t you call?”
“It’s just a little cold, I’ll be fine,” the ferret hybrid pouts at him, trying to disarm Chan with his strongest weapon.
“How much sleep have you been getting?” the wolf insists, taking Hyunjin’s free hand into his and brushing his thumb over his knuckles.
Hyunjin opens his mouth, more than likely ready to argue back, a smart answer ready to shut Chan in some way or another. But, just then, Sarang whines picks up again, turning into a full-blown wail as she squirms in his mother’s arms like she wants out. Before he can even blink, three things happen: Hyunjin lets go of his hand so he can instead caress the small ferret, his eyes water for a second, before he quickly blinks them away as he lets his head fall forward, his heard shielding him from Chan, and then, as he starts to pick up the lullaby again, his voice wavers and breaks before he is clearing his throat.
“I just need to do this,” Hyunjin whispers, but it feels like he is more talking to himself than to Chan, like he has completely forgotten about his existence altogether. Like Chan is not even in the room anymore. “I need to be able to put her to sleep. That’s all.”
Oh.
Oh.
It finally clicks for Chan as the first few tears spring past Hyunjin’s waterline, his weak sniffles drowned by the loud crying of the little girl on his arms. He says nothing as he moves to sit behind Hyunjin. He does not take the girl, for he knows that would be the last nail on Hyunjin’s coffin to break him entirely; instead, he embraces him, his hands holding his waist tenderly and his chin tucked on Hyunjin’s neck as he sways both of their body softly.
Hyunjin’s body is trembling on his arms, but he never ceases singing. Even as his voice breaks and sobs start to rake through his body, he keeps going. Chan joins him, supporting him as he always has and letting the emotions flow as he covers his whole family.
How stupid atlas was, he cannot help but think, as he places tender kisses on Hyunjin’s clothed shoulder, when he was tasked to hold the world and he never thought of embracing it.
He is not sure how much time passes, but soon enough Sarang cries die down and she is sent straight to dreamland again. Hyunjin’s cries have also weaken enough that his body isn’t trembling any longer. Still, he refuses to look back at Chan, long strands of black hair acting like a fortress around him. Chan lets him be for now, more focused on gently placing Sarang back with her siblings and into the crib they keep on the nest room.
“I’ll be back,” he murmurs into Hyunjin’s heated skin, getting a barely there nod before unlatching himself from Hyunjin’s body. He rushes on his quest for water, more blankets and some medicine before returning to the nest room to find that Hyunjin has not moved an inch.
He undresses himself, peeling his shirt and pants before joining Hyunjin back on the nest. The younger man is pliable, letting Chan manhandle him into a more comfortable position against his chest, making sure Hyunjin’s ear is placed right over his beating heart – he once told him how much the sound comforted him, and Chan has even thought of making a sound with the same beating just for Hyunjin’s downtime.
“Alright, open your mouth for me, will you pretty?” He asks, his hand hold Hyunjin’s chin gently. The younger man obeys, opening his mouth without a protest and swallowing the sickly-sweet syrup that Chan hopes will help with his fever. Either way, he has brought some wet towels that he plasters to the ferret’s forehead. All the while, he keeps checking Hyunjin’s face for reactions, but his mate keeps crying silently, not a sound leaving his lips as his eyes lose all focus.
“I can’t even make my kids fall asleep,” it is nothing more than a thread a voice, a thin sound that could easily escape anybody else but Chan and his keen hearing.
“You did good,” he replies, hands softly carding through the ferret’s hair.
“What kind of mother am I?” the ferret hybrid continues to talk, like he has not heard Chan’s word at all, like they are on different planes. The wolf holds him even closer, his tail coming to rest on Hyunjin’s thigh in an attempt to get him to react – Hyunjin always loved playing with his tail, especially on his ferret form.
“Hyunjin, listen to me,” Chan speaks a little louder, hoping to shake Hyunjin out of his spiral without being to sudden or abrupt. He knows he need to be gentle, but hearing his mate talking about himself like that it’s making his wolf howl in pain. “I know you’re frustrated and tired. Hell, you are sick, I can feel you shivering, you know?”
“’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Hyunjin quips, his voice small and tired. Chan simply kisses the top of his head, the fur of Hyunjin’s ears tickling his nose and cheek.
“It’s okay,” the older reassures him, his hands finding their way back to Hyunjin’s messy locks. “I know you wanna take care of the babies, but you need to care of yourself too, yeah?”
“I’m trying.”
“I know; it’s all that I ask for.”
“I feel like I’m failing as a mother, though,” the younger continues, letting his barriers down one by one. “Oh God, it feels like all I do is cry on you.”
“Crying is good,” Chan says, a soft smile on his lips as he grazes Hyunjin’s cheek before landing on his chin, turning his head so he can look directly into his lover’s eyes. “Don’t you remember when the babies were born, how you felt when you heard them cry for the very first time? Crying just means you’re alive.”
“Yet I can’t stop my own kids from crying.”
“Hey, stop that, yeah?” the older chastises him, bopping the top of his nose gently. Hyunjin giggles softly at that, his posture relaxing as he lets more of his weight lean into Chan, his hands burrowing themselves into the dense fur of Chan’s tail as he begins to paw at it gently. This is good, Chan thinks, his anxiety slowly melting away as Hyunjin starts to return to him. “None of us really know how to do this whole parent thing – we woke up one day, and they were here, and now our lives are not only ours, but theirs. Babies will cry, but they will also laugh and coo; you might not see it now, but I see the way their little faces light up as soon as your smell hits you, and how they burrow their heads into your warmth because you are their whole world.”
“You are their dad, too,” Hyunjin weakly argues back, his speech sluggish as he starts to let himself go.
“I am, but you’re the one who brought them here, my love,” he retorts, lowering his face so he can nose at Hyunjin’s twitching one. “One day they’ll look back on their life and they won’t remember the despair of a crying night, but the comfort your hands brought them, how they could always run to their loving mother and he would receive them with smiles and kisses,” he places a gentle kiss on the tip of Hyunjin’s nose before moving to his cheek and placing another one there. “And I still can’t believe I am lucky enough to be the one by your side on this incredible journey,” a kiss on his other cheek. “You saw me, with all my flaws and faults and decided I was worthy of being your mate for life, and still you gave me the greatest gift anybody could ever give,” a kiss on his forehead. “Life is chaotic at times, especially now that we have five little ones we need to tend to, but I look at you and I feel like I’m looking at a vase of flowers – there’s a stillness, a beauty, a grace, that calms it all down,” a kiss to his lips. “I am so proud I get to be loved by you.”
There are tears falling down Hyunjin’s cheeks, and, as much as his wolf is snarling at him for making his mate cry, Chan cannot help but smile back at the beautiful boy, the father of his children. Hyunjin’s hands find his face, caressing him gently before bringing him back to kiss him once again.
“What did I ever do to deserve you?”
“You exist; that’s all you ever had to do.”
Chan once thought that falling in love would feel like the earth opening and shattering beneath him. They had sold him ideas of fiery loves that would exterminate everything after its wake, rivers of lava and flames as big as trees. Hyunjin looks at him and it feels like the world is healing, like water calmly flowing through a river and coming to the sea. Hyunjin looks at Chan and he can see the whole universe smiling back at him, a thousand of shooting stars for all the wishes he ever had, stars that now are pushing past his eyes and coming to crash against his lips.
Hyunjin looks at Chan, and he feels like the sunlight hitting his skin on a Sunday morning. And nothing ever felt as easy and safe.
“You need rest, my love,” Chan whispers, although he can already feel the heavy weight of Hyunjin falling asleep on him.
“Will you be here when I wake up?” The younger asks, fully embracing his big, fluffy tail now.
“Always,” the wolf answers as he moves to lay both more onto the nest, making sure his scent surrounds Hyunjin fully so he can feel safe and sound, but Hyunjin is already gone by the time he turns to look at him.
He wouldn’t have it any other way – laying in a nest made by his beloved, who is tightly hugging him, their kits safely tucked right by their side, and the moon the only witness to it all. It feels like it was so long ago when he was holding onto the hope that everything would get better. It gets better, he would tell himself, with tear tracks on his cheeks and a feeling on numbness on his chest – maybe just for a day, maybe just for a little while.
It has been a while now since things got better, haven’t they?
And when morning comes and the moon is gone, he wakes up to the whimpering of hungry babies that he promptly feeds. But it is not until Hyunjin finally opens his eyes and arms and the five of them find their way to his warmth that they fully calm.
“See how loved you are?” Chan asks, his smile threatening to split his face.
“As much as you,” Hyunjin replies back, his fever gone and his eyes clear of any doubts, shining with their usual mischief now.
“I love you,” Chan says.
“The moon looked beautiful last night,” Hyunjin replies.
It feels like the sunshine is shining through the pouring rain.