Work Text:
1.
Yuuki typed on her laptop at the dining table. She was finishing up forming design ideas and adding all the materials she needed. She was also waiting for her little brother . Usually, she wouldn’t be waiting for him, missing school all the while, but she couldn’t help but be worried for him. The kids at his school were bullying him because of the way he dressed. It isn’t exactly bullying, the kids were just teasing and confused, they didn’t know any better. But the teachers are the ones encouraging it, and they don’t do anything about it. Their parents are at work, they couldn’t wait for him. So it had to be her.
She thought it would be better if it was her either way. Her little brother did seem to cling more to her instead of their mother or father. They would even joke around about how Mizuki seems to believe Yuuki is his real biological mother. The jokes made her crack a smile a bit, though they made Mizuki cry a little.
Yuuki wondered why those kids teased Mizuki. Just because he doesn’t wear boys' clothing, dresses up in pink, plays dress up with skirts, or likes cute and frilly stuff does not excuse the fact that the kids are being mean to him, and especially did not allow the teachers to encourage it and send emails to her parents telling them they need to change Mizuki. If it made him happy, it made him happy, and Yuuki or their parents would not change his happiness just to make other people feel better.
Yuuki sighed. She just realized her fingers had stopped typing and started cramping. She groaned lightly and ran her hands through her hair, keeping them there. If she’s being honest, she’s worried for her little brother. But, if this is the lifestyle he wanted, then she certainly wouldn’t force him to change himself.
Faintly, she heard the front door creak, then it opened. “Ah, Mizuki, how was your day?”
He doesn’t say anything. He was quieter than usual. Instead, his hands gripped his backpack straps harder, threatening to break his nails.
Yuuki stood up and eased closer to the boy. “Mizuki?”
“Onee-Chan…”
She walked closer to him and kneels. “Mizuki, what’s wrong?”
Then, tears.
“Onee-Chan…!” Mizuki cried, running to her and wrapped his arms tightly around her. “The…the kids…they…keep making fun of me for liking cute things…” He dug his head into her chest and wept, tears streaming down freely
“Oh, Mizuki,” She muttered, gently patting his back. She pulled him impossibly closer and leaned to his ear. She whispered comforting words to him, trying to calm him down.
“Are they right, Onee-Chan? Am I the weird one for liking girly stuff as a boy? Am I the weird one for wanting to play dress up?”
“No no, Mizuki. You’re absolutely not the weird one for liking girly stuff.”
She pulled away from the hug to look him in the eye. “Nothing in this world has a gender. You can be whatever you want, like whatever you want, and be whoever you want to be.”
Mizuki sniffed and drastically tried to wipe his tears away, but his attempt was futile as more tears streamed down his rosy cheeks. “R—Really?” He asked in a choked sob. Yuuki smiled.
“Of course. You can continue to like girly things. You can do whatever you want, and I’ll always be here to support you, Mizuki. Along with our parents.”
She rested her hand on his head and gently started caressing his hair, trying to calm him. She inclined closer to him to rest her forehead on his.
The boy sniffled and smiled softly at his older sister. “Will you also continue to make me cute clothes?” He asked in a hushed tone. His sister laughed and copied his expression, smiling warmly.
“Always.”
He raised his hand and held out his pinky finger. “…pinky promise?”
She giggled at his childish nature. ‘He is a little kid, after all’ she thought. She did the same and wrapped their pinkies together. “I pinky promise.”
Mizuki laughed and jumped to hug her. “I love you, Onee-Chan!”
“And Onee-Chan loves you as well.”
The two continued to hold each other in their arms for a few moments. ‘I wonder if I’m going to have to march down there…’ She wondered if Mizuki would ever stop getting teased for loving girly and frilly things. She wondered if he would ever grow out of it. She hoped not. He was cute like this. And she also enjoyed making him cute little outfits that he liked.
“Hey, Mizuki. I have something for you.”
The boy hummed, watching and following his sister as she stood up and walked to her room. Every time he goes in there, his eyes sparkle in wonder at how pink and beautiful everything is. He watched her in confusion as she opened her closet and rummaged through it as if searching for something.
“Onee-Chan, what are you doing?” He asked. She didn't say anything and continued to search through her closet, mumbling incoherent words. A few minutes pass before she finally finds what she’s looking for.
“Here,” She said, smiling. “This is for you, Mizuki.”
She kneeled to meet with him at eye level. Holding out her hand, he looked down with a confused look on his face that eventually turned into a wide smile. “A bracelet?”
“Yes, Mizuki. Isn’t it cute?”
His eyes sparkled in wonder and adoration. “…yes. It is! Thank you, Onee-Chan!!” He jumped into her arms. “I love you!”
Yuuki replied back and hugged him. She was thankful he still looked up to her and wanted to follow in her footsteps. She didn’t know what she would do if she had a little brother who didn’t like her.
2.
Middle school Mizuki is not who Yuuki thought would happen.
Middle school Mizuki had decided to wear the boy's uniform instead of the girls. When Yuuki had asked him about it, he said that the school didn’t allow him to switch uniforms as a boy. Though, Yuuki knows he is bluffing. Before he enrolled, she had asked the school if it would be okay if her little brother wore the girl's uniform. The school said yes, it would be okay. So, what was Mizuki talking about? Maybe he just didn’t…want to dress as a girl anymore?
Yuuki shook her head. No. That’s impossible. She remembered the promise they made together. What would happen if he didn’t want her to make him cute stuff anymore?
Maybe she should try talking to him. To try and get more information about this. Communication always goes well. Actually, it is the weekend, that means Mizuki is home, so that also means Yuuki can speak to him.
Getting up from her desk, she walked out of her room and slowly stepped over to her little brother’s room. When she raised her hand to knock, she stopped. Suddenly her legs wobbled and her heart started racing at an alarming rate. Her stomach dropped and a massive pit formed. Why was she so scared? She just needed to suck it up and ask him.
…
Quickly, she runs back to her room to grab something that she has been making from under her bed.
Now, standing in front of Mizuki’s room, she knocked.
“Mizuki?”
She heard clashing noises coming from the other side of the door. She could just open the door without a proper invite, but that’s not very older sister vibe of her, and Mizuki deserves all the privacy he needs, so she stood and waited.
After a few moments, Mizuki called out for her to enter, and she did.
“Wow, this is much cleaner than my room!” She cracked a joke, sensing that Mizuki was down. She took another look around the room, noticing that a blanket or towel was covering the entierty of Mizuki’s mirror. That meant he wouldn’t be able to see anything, but isn’t a mirror for the opposite? Yuuki pondered in place until the sound of her brother’s voice caught her attention.
“What are you doing here?”
“Ah, I can’t say hello to my amazing sibling?” She asked with a faux frown.
“No, you can.”
Tough crowd, Yuuki thinks. Mizuki seems more…offhand than before. Is that the right word? Maybe indifferent?
“I wanted to ask you how your life’s going. How are your MVs doing?”
“…good.”
“That’s good! What about that one of that one anime…uh…something about super magical girls.”
“…I finished it; I can show you another time if you like.”
“Of course! So, have you made any friends?”
Mizuki’s breathing hitched and he stopped moving. Bingo. Yuuki thought.
“Well,” He started, scratching the back of his head. “I did make a couple…”
Yuuki’s face brightened up. It was Mizuki’s last year of Junior High and he’s only ever made one friend, and that friend already graduated. She had thought to bring him along when she hung out with her friends, but Mizuki said no, very adamant on that too. So, hearing that Mizuki made a friend in school made her incredibly happy.
“That’s great! Can I meet them?” That was a bit too enthusiastic.
“Haha, about that…”
Yuuki tilted her head in confusion. What was wrong? Did he not want her to meet his new friends? Maybe he doesn’t want her to embarrass him in front of them by showing his baby pictures. Yuuki would neverrrrr do that. That was an invasion of his privacy! Nooooo, she could never.
(Maybe she could, but she wouldn’t tell him that)
“What’s wrong?”
“Hah, they are actually online friends…”
Yuuki repeated the last two words, the letters slowly coming out of her mouth.
“Yes! Online friends! They make me feel…special, in some way. And I feel like I can really trust them with everything. We’re like a music group, but online. The leader makes the instrumental and I make the MV! Someone else makes the lyrics and this…girl makes the art for me to use! Isn’t that exciting?!”
Yuuki let out a noncommittal hum. Having online friends is a very dangerous thing, because what if those friends are old men from the US? Very weird and disturbing…but, if Mizuki trusts them, then she guesses she should as well.
“Music group? That’s amazing, Mizuki. I’m glad you’ve made some friends online. But, I was really talking about school. Have you made any friends there?”
Maybe he was just too excited and couldn’t wait to mention his online friends that he didn’t realize what she actually met.
“Ah. No. I haven’t.”
“Hm?” Yuuki said, repeating what he said in her head. He hadn’t made any friends? That’s…unsurprising if she’s being honest. As she said earlier, he’s only ever made one friend, and that friend already left according to what he told her. Yuuki fiddled with her fingers; Mizuki did the same, both suddenly awkward. “Ah, that’s… is there a reason?” She asked, though she already knew the reason.
“The kids bully me, Onee-Chan. They…don’t like how quiet and weird I am. They think I’m a waste of space. Nobody wants to be my friend.”
“Mizuki…” Yuuki interrupted.
The boy lowered his head, possibly trying to hide his face from his older sister. He didn’t want her to see him cry. As a…boy, he shouldn’t cry in front of a girl. No matter the cost.
“Onee-Chan. Do you think I’m weird?”
In a white flash, Yuuki was suddenly her younger self, eyes watching closely at Mizuki as the latter sobs his eyes out, asking her with a broken cry and stuttering voice if he was the weird one at school. Her fingers dug into her palm, threatening to spill blood.
“No. Mizuki, you’re not the weird one.”
The elder one dug her hand into her pocket and pulled out something pink. Mizuki quickly recognized her as a pink ribbon with a different shade color of hearts. He snapped out of his trance when he heard his sister’s voice saying it was for him.
“A…ribbon?” He slowly muttered out, like the word ribbon was banned from his vocabulary. “But…I’m…”
Yuuki interrupted him. “Mizuki.”
Yuuki stepped closer to her brother and cradled his warm cheek. “You can be whatever you want, whoever you want, and I will still love you, Mizuki. Don’t listen to what other people tell you, listen to what your heart desires. If you so desire to…be a girl, then be one. Because that is what you want.”
Mizuki sniffled and put his hand over hers. He leaned into her touch. “What about you? Would you care?”
She smiled warmly at him and his body burned. He suddenly felt so warm.
Yuuki felt tears running down her cheeks. How could he ask that? Of course she wouldn’t care. Doesn’t matter what he is, she would always love him like a sibling. She would always love him. And she hoped he understood that. She told him that, and he nodded, hugging her.
“Do you want to put the ribbon on now?”
Mizuki immediately nodded his head and a small, silly smile appeared on Yuuki’s lips. The former kneeled a bit so his older sister could reach his head. Carefully, she clipped the ribbon into his hair; the color and design of the ribbon contrasted perfectly with his hair color.
Mizuki thanked her with a wide grin on his face and hugged her tightly again. Yuuki laughed softly and hugged him back.
“Remember,” She started, cradling his warm cheek once more, “I will always love you regardless of what you are; that will never change.”
——————
Yuuki left home a week later for France, leaving Mizuki alone in the house. Their parents were always working, sometimes they had time to come back home and spend time with their children, but most of the time the house was empty with only Mizuki and Yuuki. Now, it was just Mizuki,
Mizuki peered at himself themselves in the mirror, their eyes staring at the ribbon in their hair, gifted to them by their elder sister. They love it so much. They love their sister as well: the one who is always reassuring and there for them, encouraging them to live their life how they want and not what other people want. Their heart swelled by just remembering her words to them, wiping their tears away and comforting them.
Their vision is filled with water. Am I crying? They thought to themselves. They rubbed the tears from their eyes and sighed deeply. She’s too kind to me. Is it only because I’m her younger…sister?
Sister. Calling themselves Yuuki’s sister instead of a brother makes their heart swell in a good way.
Mizuki left the bathroom and went to their room. There, they opened the closet and kneeled, reaching inside to look for a small, polka-dotted covered box. Finally, they found it. “Ah,” they muttered. They took it out, moved their position so they were on their knees, and opened the box. The box is filled with gifts, presents, and everything their sister had given them. That box is their most prized possession, and they wouldn’t know what they would do if they lost it. Honestly, he doesn’t want to think about it. Losing the box, including everything inside, might just break them.
He took off the ribbon in his hair and gently placed it in the box with the other gifts, then covered it again.
3.
Mizuki is a first year in high school now. Yuuki smiled to herself just thinking about it. Her little brother sister is all grown up, she couldn’t believe it. And, Mizuki is finally expressing themselves: wearing more girly and frilly outfits. They also came out to her…not directly, but they hinted at it. Maybe they didn’t say it outright because they were terrified of what she would say. Yuuki would never hate Mizuki just because of what they identify with. She will always love them unconditionally.
Over the years, Yuuki has given Mizuki gifts that consist of ribbons, lipstick to play with, nail polish to press on, perfume, and other stuff to make them feel like themselves. She hopes everything she does to make them feel at peace works.
Yuuki had left for France a year prior, after the tough conversation she had with Mizuki, in which she gave them a ribbon with a star pattern. It had hit both of them hard to be away from each other, but eventually, the two overcame the feeling.
Now, Yuuki is back from France. She wanted to rest somewhere for a couple of days before leaving for another country. And what better place to rest than her hometown with her younger sister? Nothing could be better than that.
Walking up the steps to the front door, she took her house key out of her purse unlocked the door, slipped inside then locked it again. The house smelled nice; perhaps Mom had lit up a candle before leaving for work. The house was also quiet, safe for the sound of the air conditioning, meaning that someone was home and that someone was definitely Mizuki. She yelled out their name, but no answer. “That’s strange. Mizuki would usually run to me when she hears me.”
Becoming suspicious, Yuuki tip-toed past the living room and the kitchen, continuing down the hall until she reached Mizuki’s room. She didn’t hear anything at first, but when she put her ear against the door, she could hear faint voices muffled, then her sister’s voice.
“Ah, but that wouldn’t make any sense Enanan!”
Enanan? Who is Enanan?
More muffled voices.
“Do you even know what this song is about?” Mizuki laughed, and what also comes out is a snort.
“DO YOU EVEN KNOW??” Yuuki can hear the scream of a girl, presumably Enanan, from Mizuki’s headphones. Yuuki smiled, at least Mizuki has friends to talk to when Mom and Dad aren’t home.
“Ah, also K! I finished up the rough draft of the music video with the reference art Enanan sent! Should I send it to you all?
K? Another friend perhaps?
…
“Yuki, are you there?”
…
“That’s good! Still struggling with those lyrics, huh? I’m sure we can help you somehow…ah! How about we all just meet and walk across the city to look at the sights? I’m sure that’ll help Yuki with the lyrics!”
Three other girls Mizuki talks to? That’s even better! Although, it is a bit risky. But Mizuki did say they should meet up, so they’ve probably seen each other in real life before.
Ah, this is creepy. She should stop eavesdropping on the conversations her younger sister and her friends are having. Giggling to herself, Yuuki raised a hand and rapped her knuckles on the door. “Mizuki? I’m home!”
“Ah! That’s my sister! Sorry guys, I have to go. I'll join back later, promise!”
Yuuki heard Mizuki’s mouse click a few buttons before the desk slid against the hardwood floor and her footsteps were loud. Then finally the door opened. “Onee-chan!” She cheerfully exclaimed, running into her older sister’s embrace. “I’ve missed you,” She whispered into her chest. Yuuki chuckled and hugged Mizuki back.
“I’ve missed you too, Mizuki.”
The two stay like that for a few minutes until Mizuki asks how long she will be home this time. Yuuki responds that she will stay in Japan for a month before leaving for Europe again. At her words, Mizuki looked downcast, but that didn’t last for long, because the cheery girl asked Yuuki if she brought any gifts for her.
Yuuki smiled and led Mizuki to the living room where all her stuff was. She directed the teenager to the bags she brought inside and told her to look inside and take the gifts out. Mizuki’s eyes lit up in excitement and wonder as she immediately dug her hand into it.
A few things in the bags are Mizuki’s: a new makeup kit with French lettering and a French design, some more fabric for her clothes, specifically from France, a photo album book to keep all the memories she’s made in, cute, pink sleepwear, and a heart-shaped necklace with their initials on it. What really stood out to Mizuki though, was the necklace. She held it in her hand, staring at the neckwear.
“A necklace?”
Yuuki humed in agreement, smiling at her sister. She stepped over to her to be behind her and wrapped her arms around her. “It has our initials too, so whenever I’m away, you can always remember how close we are.”
Mizuki felt tears burning in her eyes. She can’t cry though, she just can’t. That’ll be embarrassing for her to cry in front of her sister about some necklace. She swallowed the lump in her throat and wiped her tears away. “I…I love it. Thank you so much, Yuuki.”
The designer smiled. “Oh, also there’s something else in the bag.”
Mizuki reached into the bag again, searching for whatever else was in it. After a few seconds of rummaging around, her hand touched something. What’s this? She muttered. When she takes it out, her entire being shuts down, and she just stared.
It’s a…
A…
“A ribbon, Mizuki,” Yuuki smiles, kissing the girl on her cheek. “It’s for you. I had it made specifically for you in France,” She gently took the ribbon from Mizuki’s hand and the latter’s eyes watched her sister’s every movement. Yuuki turned the ribbon around and mentioned the embroidery on the back of it. “This also has our initials together. We’re meant to be Mizuki. And I’m so glad I have a sister like you.”
A…sister…
When the word ‘sister’ or any feminine word is used on Mizuki, she feels weird, like she’s hiding something bad from her friends. But when her sister uses it, her body becomes light at the fact that she knows she’s not hiding anything, and that people truly see her as a normal girl. It makes her feel…special in a way.
Mizuki turned around and gave her older sister a big bear hug, repeating the words “I love you” and “Thank you” over and over again until Yuuki became tired of it and pushed Mizuki away. The two sisters are closer than ever, and with Yuuki staying in Japan for a whole month, they’re both sure their relationship will strengthen even more.
+1
Yuuki heard about what happened ages ago. She knew about what had happened to Mizuki and Ena, a girl Mizuki loves ever so much, and whose opinion matters the most. Mizuki had told her what those classmates said, and how they outed her out in front of Ena. Yuuki knew that, and yet she still couldn’t come back to Japan. She still had major business to do in France, and yes, she could’ve dropped everything and booked the next flight to Japan, but she didn’t. There’s a reason though. Mizuki told her that everything was okay and that the two made up.
Well, considering the call she got from their parents a few weeks later, everything was in fact not okay.
Now, Yuuki can’t even go into her sister’s room without sobbing, without thinking everything is her fault. If only she had in fact dropped everything to be with Mizuki, then she would be smiling big at her right now. She would still be here. She wouldn’t have killed herself.
It’s sad actually, how they found her. Mom kept on texting Mizuki throughout the day, wondering what she wanted for dinner and if she was okay, or just sleeping because she wasn’t responding. When Mizuki still didn’t answer when Mom got off work, she rushed home and slammed Mizuki’s bedroom door open, only to be met with a hanging Mizuki.
After everything, the room hasn’t been opened since. Yuuki knows she should go in there to see what Mizuki left behind; to see if she left a secret code or note to Yuuki, but she doesn’t have the mental stability to even step foot into the room.
After a year, everything almost went back to normal, Mom and Dad started going to work again, and Yuuki started traveling again. It was great.
Until one day, Yuuki decided she had had enough of stalling and opened Mizuki’s bedroom door.
Instantly, she was hit with nostalgia. The room she was always familiar with, suddenly became a lifeless, desolate ghost town. Everything in the room is in the same place it was ages ago. It’s depressing how the sun bleeds through the closed curtains and hits the exact spot where Mizuki was found. God must be taunting her. Maybe it’s her punishment for not noticing the sighs sooner. If she had, maybe her little sister would still…
Yuuki doesn’t know where to start cleaning up. Deep down she doesn’t want to. And she actually doesn’t have to, doesn’t need to. But something inside of her tells her she should. Might be wanting closure, but she doesn’t know.
The sun’s movement moves slightly, but it’s still enough for the shine to move and directly hit the closet. It’s open a crack. Is God wanting her to check the closet? I mean, yeah, it could be a good place to start. She would like to look at the outfits Mizuki made.
Taking a deep, mental break, she finally takes a step inside the room, and all memories of comforting Mizuki when she was in junior high floods. She can even see the silhouettes of the events: of her sitting on the bed, Mizuki hug in her arms tightly, caressing her hair, and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Strings pull at her heart at the memories. Her heartbeat speeds up and her lips quiver. Swallowing the pain down, she goes over to the closet and opens it. Her eyes stare in wonder. A bunch of outfits, some finished, some unfinished, fill the hangers. The designs on them are wonderful; insanely creative and made incredibly well. I’m glad Mizuki wanted to follow in my footsteps.
At the corner of her eye, something faintly glows on the floor of the closet, catching her attention like a whisper in the dark. Yuuki’s movements are hesitant and she kneels down slowly and tilts her head in confusion. “What is that…” She mutters to herself. Her fingers reach forward, shaking slightly until they graze something cold and dusty. The dust clings to her fingers as she wonders what it is. Her fingers move around it more, and ultimately, she moves the clothes to the side with her other hand to find an old, weathered. A box? She thinks. She uses both hands to pick it up and sets it on the floor next to her. It wasn’t particularly heavy, but it wasn’t light either. Oh, what secrets have you been keeping? A voice echos in her head, its tone filled with curiosity. When she’s about to open the box, her breath hitches; catching in her throat and her hand halts in the air suddenly, her pulse quickening.
“Is it really okay to…invade on my dead sister’s privacy?” She whispers, asks herself. The weight of the question lies on her and how well she knows Mizuki. Her eyes dart around the room, remembering how lively and wonderful it was in here. The questions run through her mind. She feels like Mizuki wouldn’t mind. Wouldn’t mind her older sister looking through her stuff. But saying it like that makes Yuuki feel like she wouldn’t mind it. Her eyes shift back to the polka-dotted box, silent but also overwhelmingly present. It is like the elephant in the room, she doesn’t want to notice it if it endangers Mizuki’s spirit, but it is also very noticeable, and her curiosity is getting the better of her.
The question is still heavy in her mind: is it okay to dig through parts of her sister’s prized possession that she perhaps doesn’t want to be uncovered?
….
In the end, Yuuki’s curiosity gets the better of her and she opens the box.
…
“...what?” She murmurs. In the box, are gifts Yuuki has given to Mizuki throughout the years. Every little thing she has given her younger sister is in this box from ribbons to perfumes and even the makeup kit she got her. Every…little thing…
Tears fill her eyes, threatening to fall. Eventually, she lets them fall, and she starts sobbing freely, with no repercussions. She lets everything out, the pain she has been feeling for years. The pain she felt when she saw poor little Mizuki confused about her gender. The pain she felt when she realized kids and adults alike were bullying her and making her queen her identity. She never let it out back then because she wanted to seem stronger as an older sister. But she just can’t take it anymore.
She holds the box close to her and continues to sob, her tears landing on the items in it but luckily not damaging anything.
As her sobs shake her body, the room feels tight all of a sudden, it’s suffocating, the hair heavy with her grief. Then, out of nowhere, a warmth envelopes her, soft but undeniable. She isn’t shocked at all, the warmth is comforting and grounding. It is also recognizable… familiar. Like it’s someone she knows. The sensation is gentle and sweet. The prescent reassures her that everything is okay, and that everything will get better soon. Somehow she finds some truth to that. And she’s glad she does.
Leaning up, Yuuki wipes her tears away and sniffs. “Actually, Mizuki, I was saving this for the next time I saw you. But I didn’t know the next time I would see you would be at your funeral.”
She feels like crying again, but she pushes through. Her shaky hand digs into her pocket and what comes out in her hand is a card, a little sister card to be exact. “Heh, see? It says “to the best little sister ever!”” Yuuki tries to be happy about it, but she just can’t. “I miss you, Mizuki.”
Yuuki doesn’t know what she’s going to do after this.