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Tony Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist. Stark.
The man who has almost died more times than you can count on the fingers of all the Avengers combined (Hulk and Banner as separate individuals) (well, except for Natacha, but she's a super spy, she doesn't count!) this man, is confused.
The man who can build a bomb that would wipe the FUCKING United States off the world map in less than 5 minutes.
The man who is basically the leader of the Avengers.
The man who owns the biggest company in the world.
The man who has man and women at his feet just by breathing near them.
He's confused, because of a damn 12 year old!?
(He's 14 but looks 12 so who cares?).
Peter Parker, a boy he thought he wouldn't like, he was sure he wouldn't like him, he hates kids, and this boy is an annoying brat.
That's what he thought until he walked through the door into his apartment (which Tony had generously broken into, you're welcome , it's not every day you can say Tony Stark has been in your house) he saw something in that boy.
A glow he hadn't seen in anyone before, something like Steve's glow?, no, no no no no, not that
Steve had a suffocating glow, this boy's glow was... simply cozy, even if it was even more intense, it was somehow comforting.
And then he started talking, stuttering and smiling silly, which only increased the glow, Tony almost felt purified, because Steve couldn't have that kind of glow instead of the blinding, suffocating glow of "Mr. Captain America, Sir"?
He smiled, more genuinely than he intended, he didn't even know he could do that in the first place.
He talked to the boy's aunt and the boy himself, it felt good, even though he was telling a lot of lies, it was such a powerful feeling of happiness.
And then they went to the boy's room to talk seriously, the boy looked at him like he was some kind of burglar, fair enough, no one likes having their house broken into even if Tony doesn't like to admit it.
So he was frank, he said he knew he was Spider-Man and how he needed his help, and the boy accepted, smiling.
Tony is confused.
After the fight he sent the boy home, he doesn't really know how he was going to get home but he sent Happy to take care of it, so everything must have been fine.
The next thing he knows is that he's lonely, the glow is missing, he wanted a glow, not the one that suffocated him like Steve's, but yes the glow that illuminated him and gave him the will to live, Peter's glow.
He knows he's selfish, he knows he's petty, he knows that Pepper, Happy and Rhodes will kink (actually kick, bit this is funnier) his ass for it, but he do it anyway.
He invites Peter for a real internship, he doesn't know if Peter will accept, after meeting Tony, the people who are interested in him always run away, he doesn't blame them, he would run away too.
But the boy apparently doesn't follow any rules, he accepts, that means he goes there every tuesday and thursday... he will get a daily dose of sunshine for the first time in 30 years.
On the first day, Peter looked exactly the same as when they first met, he wasn't disappointed with how Tony really was, no, he actually LIKED the real version of Tony rather than the real him than the one he created for the media.
How is this possible? everyone who is even remotely close to him tolerates him because they knew him before they met his influential media self.
But this boy, this boy likes himself even though the expectations of him being broken.
Tony is confused.
Wow Tony was SO wrong about being scolded by his friends for bringing a 12 (14!) year old boy to the Avengers complex.
Everyone fell in love with the boy in the blink of an eye.
Even Happy seems to have a soft spot for the kid, I mean, he saw the boy hugging him once and he didn't complain, not even Tony could do that, this kid has incredible powers, they're lucky he chose to be a hero not a villain.
Even when the Avengers returned things calmed down pretty quickly when Peter was around, he had something that made the room calmer for sincere conversations.
And thank god Peter's glow erased Steve's glows, it was the first time he was able to feel a comfortable warmth even though he was in the same room as the frozen soldier. (joke INTENCIONALLY)
Everything was so good, everyone was happy.
Until he gets a call from Happy on a thursday morning.
May Parker was dead, it was suicide, and Peter was the one who found the body.
He ran, much further than he thought his old body could run.
Peter was with Happy in the hospital, when he entered he saw a complementary scene different from what he thought he would see.
Peter was comforting Happy, but it was his aunt who had just died, right?...
Tony walked over and Happy looked up at the same time as Peter, Happy stopped crying and Tony could finally take a look at Peter's face.
No tears, a serene and pitiful face, pitiful for whom? for himself, for Happy? for May? Tony can't say.
Tony's look intensifies, he narrows his eyes to try to notice any traces of tears, the boy's face was red, and his eyes were a little watery and red too, but no sign of real tears.
For the first time in a long time Tony looks at Peter, he really looks, and he honestly wonders, has he ever seen this boy cry?
The answer was no, he never saw it, and now, that fact was scaring him.
Tony hugs them both, sensing for some reason that Peter doesn't want to be hugged alone right now.
Happy cries but Peter doesn't, how did he never notice this before?
Peter's glow is dimmer, but it's still there, how does he do it?
Tony is confused.
At the funeral, Happy is crying softly, Peter is calm, staring at the coffin, but doesn't seem anywhere near crying.
The rest of the people at the funeral are fellow doctors from work, and her boss, they all know Peter, they all pay their respects.
Peter smile at everyone, shine, that kinda of shine, that one that make everyone feels calmer.
Except for Happy, he puts a hand on the coffin and immediately collapses.
Peter, the fucking kid who just lost the only family he had left, he goes to see Happy, Tony can't help but feel a little disgusted, he was the one that should comfort Peter, not the opposite, but thinking about it now, it was always being Peter who comforted them, no?
Peter made the Avengers come together as a real team again, Peter made Tony feel alive again when he was depressed, and is helping people get over the death of his own aunt.
Did he give himself time to feel the loss? Did he EVER stop to feel ANY loss?
He never even saw him lamenting about losing his parents, even Tony talked about losing his own parents death, but Peter, the boy who lost both his parents in a plane crash at the damn age of 4 never even mentioned them? wtf???
Tony is confused.
Peter is living with him. Something Pepper said about "now they're Peter's legal guardians", because it was all he had left, Tony didn't complain, he WANTED the boy around. Ever since his aunt died, Peter has been acting like some kind of adult who has to pay bills.
He doesn't have tho, obviously, but still...
He makes lunch, helps with chores, and helps with anything everyone needs, listens to them, and helps Bruce with medical examinations when everyone has a medical problem during fights or a bad day.
It's only been a week and a half since May died and Peter is already acting like he's over it?
Impossible, no one sees their own mother hanged and gets out of it less than a month later, in fact, no one gets out of it well, NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME PASSES.
No one seems to realize how weird this is, neither Nat nor "Mr. Captain Perfect" nor the Birdhead.
Which is pretty dumb considering everyone in the complex is either a trained agent, a genius scientist, or a super soldier.
Yet everyone is smiling like everything is fine, when, it is not fine at all!, there is a child who has just lost his last living relative and everyone is still laughing and playing and asking for help for this poor boy who is not even 15 yet?
Peter is a ray of sunshine, yes he knows it, but that doesn't mean he has to shine all the time, everyone knows that, shining is exhausting, even if you enjoy doing it.
Tony knows, Steve knows, Pepper knows, all the Avengers know.
He wonders if Peter knows, god he hopes he knows, it's IMPORTANT to him that he knows.
Tony is confused.
A week, a damn week since his fucking aunt died, and Tony still hasn't seen the kid shed ONE tear.
He was getting worried, he thought Peter would crack at one point or another, that he would stop trying to be tough and come crying to either of them and then they would ask "what happened???" and he would reply "my damn aunt DIED, and I was the one who found her body hanging from the ceiling with a rope!"
And then the person Peter is finally venting to would be like "oh Peter" and hug him until the kid falls asleep crying, and then they'd be like "you can cry, cry as much as you want little boy."
But NO.
Peter seemed so calm and serene, as if nothing was affecting him, and he was still pulling a Spider-Man daily, less often than usual of course, but that's because Tony insisted that he needed a break from being a hero every single day.
Unfortunately it only took 3 days for the crime rate to increase and Peter insisted on going back to being Spider-Man, Tony agreed to the direction that he do this day yes day no instead of every day, Peter reluctantly agreed, claiming that "at least he could save some people."
Tony has never been so worried about him, he checks all the Spider-Man footage posted on the internet every day Peter goes out to stop criminals.
He's not afraid of Peter getting hurt, they've been through that before, he's afraid of the kid breaking down during a one-on-one fight and criminals take advantage of this.
Every day that Peter stayed home Tony tried to tell him that if he wanted to stop, if he even felt the need to stay locked in his room for hours just to have some peace and quiet he could.
It was all with an indication that "if you want to cry, you can"
but Peter just shrugged and said "I'm fiiiiine Mr. Stark, are YOU ok?
Tony is starting to get frustrated, he wants the kid to cry, break down, throw a tantrum, anything.
He just wanted Peter to be comfortable showing how he feels to him, please just cry, he just needs him to cry.
But Peter doesn't do that, instead he says he wants to go back to school next week, the 4th damn week since May died, Tony wanted to say no, he wanted to yell at Peter about how his mental stability is more important than some stupid biology class he doesn't need to go to, Peter was already ahead in all subjects at school, why did he insist on not skipping class?
He was preparing to say all this, but he saw the sparkle in Peter's eyes, he saw the hope, but he also saw despair, as if he said "I need my normal life back" this was the first time Tony saw Peter look like anything other than pure happiness and compassion.
Tony felt selfish, he was locking this kid in the tower for almost a month, Peter deserves everything he wants, he deserves the damn world, so Tony felt his heart melt, he let Peter do it, but he INSISTED that if Peter felt any desire to leave, or stay home during the week he could do so, his mental longing comes first ALWAYS.
Peter nodded, Tony let out a sigh, he knew Peter wouldn't do that, the kid was too good for his own good, he would never skip school or skip class if he could go.
Tony thought this was an admirable quality, now he thought it was a curse.
Tony is confused.
It's been at least 2 months since May died, Tony was still worried about the fact that Peter hadn't cried or complained about it until now, but he had kind of accepted it.
If Peter didn't want to cry about it, he had that right, he was fine, the restriction of not being able to see Spider-Man every day was gone, this meant that Tony saw Peter even less now.
Between school and Spider-Man, there were only a few hours left in the day that he had to to divide between, going out with friends sometimes for don't be a social idiot, training with the Avengers, eat, sleep and work with Tony and Bruce in the labs.
Tony wonders how Peter is still alive, he is already falling apart after having to go to a meeting every 2 months, how Peter manages to do everything and still be a cheerful and smiling person in the morning.
So it happened.
It was a Thursday morning, everyone was gathered in the main room drinking coffee and watching TV, another normal and bright day at the Avengers Complex.
Tony was teasing Steve about how since he was an old man he must have a lot of experience in bed, and Steve was telling Tony to shut up.
The next thing he hears is Peter letting out a small groan of pain, "owch" and Sam making a comment of "you should be more careful there Spider-Baby".
Tony turns, looking at Peter putting his finger in his mouth, he must have cut himself with the butter knife while spreading peanut butter on his bread.
Tony lets out a small laugh, Peter was kind of careless sometimes, it was a kind cute.
"It's been a while since you got hurt like this, hasn't it, spidey? Your aunt has probably had to taking care of many cuts like this, am I right??"
It was a harmless comment, everyone laughed lightly at it, it was just Sam saying that Peter was very clumsy, it was supposed to be just that.
Tony looked up to see a frozen Peter, the bleeding finger was no longer in his mouth, his eyes were twitching slightly, Tony felt his heart beat faster, what was about to happen?
A bomb? Peter had an incredible sixth sense, if he was paralyzed like this nothing good would come of it.
Tony gets up and slowly walks over to Peter, takes the hand with the injured finger, it was a nasty cut, blood was running down his hand, not that Peter couldn't handle it, the pain would disappear in few hours, but Tony still liked to take care of his boy.
"Well, This is a deep cut, but don't worry, we can bandage it and you'll be able to go to school without any problems, unless you want to use this as an excuse to stay home today, you know I wouldn't complain about spending a day with my favorite pupil-"
Sobs, Tony heard sobs, he looked up from the wound and saw Peter, who was still paralyzed with his eyes turned to the ground, tears streaming down his eyes.
The room was silent, the only noise being the coffee machine announcing that the coffee was ready.
Tony could feel everyone's eyes on Peter, concern, he felt the mood in the room.
Peter, Peter Perfect Paker, the boy who gets stabbed and diced every day, was crying in broad daylight, because of a cut on his finger?...
"...
Peter? are you-"
Tony feels Peter tugging his own hand away from Tony.
"Pete, baby what's wrong?..."
Peter doesn't respond, instead he runs, runs to his room and shout: "I'M SKIPING CLASS TODAY", and then closes the door tightly, leaving the room silent again.
"What... the FUCK was that?"
Clint says loudly from the couch he was sitting on.
Tony looks in the direction where Peter ran as if he was still there He wish he was still there...
"Let's give him as much time as he needs to calm down."
"What? Tony, he just ran to his room, are you really going to let him miss class because of a cut on his finger?"
Tony glares at Steve, the guy really doesn't know how to read the room, does he?
"Yes Steve, I will, what are you going to do about it?"
Steve's mouth opens preparing a response.
But Natacha interrupts him.
"Are you stupid Rogers? the kid just had a panic attack and you're worried about him missing school? for god's sake, he has a perfect frequency let him have a damn moment of rest"
Everyone looks at Nat in shock.
"Oh... That was exactly what I was going to say, how do you know Nat so well?"
"Well, let's just say we're in the same page here, Stark"
Nat says winking at Tony as she takes a sip of coffee.
Steve stares between Tony and Nat, falling silent as he realizes there's no way he can win this argument.
Tony smiles, and looks at Peter's room door, wondering why exactly of all things THIS was what made Peter break.
Tony is confused.
It's noon, all the Avengers (except Tony) have left for various reasons.
Clint went to see his family, Nat was called for a mission, Sam and Steve went to train, Bruce went out to lunch and Buky simply disappeared.
Thor and Loki haven't even been on earth since last week so them doesn't count.
The important thing is that it was extremely 12:37 when Peter came out of the room wearing different clothes than the ones he was wearing in the morning.
Not the cute puppy pajamas Tony got him, just normal everyday clothes.
He had his back to Tony, perhaps not yet aware of the man's presence in the room, Tony looked fixedly at him.
Peter turned around, and Tony saw his face, clean, no sign of tears having fallen from those eyes before.
But Tony knew he was crying less than 10 minutes ago when he heard crying sounds from his room when he was passing by.
Tony wondered how many times he had done this before, how many times you have to cry and wipe your tears away and then act like nothing happened so you can do it as perfectly as he does?
It's sad
It's depressing
It's morbid
It's disgusting...
"O-oh, Mr. Strak!
Sorry I didn't see it there! haha"
Tony doesn't answer, he gets up and goes to Peter and hugs him as tight as he can.
Peter didn't say anything for 20 seconds, until he realized that this hug probably wasn't going to end any time soon.
Tony saw tears form on his face, Tony hoped that would be enough to comfort him about this now.
"Bambino, can you explain to me what happened earlier? If you're not ready yet I understand ok? It would just be nice to have something to work-"
"NO"
Tony was startled by Peter's speech, Peter never raised his voice around him, or at least not to HIM.
"Okay, okay, it's fine, you don't want to talk about your feelings right now, I know how that feels, I'll never force you to do anything you don't want to, you know that, right?"
"I-I know it-t's just that...'
Tony remained silent, waiting for Peter to finish whatever he wanted to say in his own time.
"He...
h-he spoke about May..."
Tony felt his heart drop, so it wasn't just the cut...
"He talked about how he took care of me and then suddenly I started remembering all the times I got hurt and she took care of me...
then I saw the blood and I remembered all the times he put a bandage on me when I got hurt and, and I just...
sorry for making a scene, I was acting like a spoiled brat..."
Tony felt anguish run through his body, he moved away a little, placing his hands on Peter's shoulders and looking into his eyes.
"Peter Benjamin Parker, listen here very carefully
I've told you a million times that you CAN cry, you CAN lock yourself in your room sometimes to be alone, you CAN skip school if you're not well enough to go.
What you can't do is pretend that you're fine when you're not, and blame yourself for simply BEING HUMAN."
Peter's eyes shine, a shine of pain, but a pain you know everyone has to go through sometimes.
"Mr. Stark"
"Oh please Pretty Pie, cry, cry if you need to, cry if you just feel like it, allow yourself to suffer sometimes, you more than anyone in this world, deserve it"
Tears began to stream from Peter's eyes, and Peter hugged him tightly, as if he was afraid that if he let go he would go away, even though he knew that would never happen.
"Uhf, s-she died M-m-mr.Stark...
She died and I couldn't do anything about it..."
"Yes, I know Pete..."
"Sh-he died and I held her body... *sniff*
I saw her eyes without shine... it was horrible! I was so scared!"
Tony hugged him as tightly as he could, as if he was trying to tell him through touch that he could let it out, that he was safe to feel whatever he needed to feel right now.
"*sniff* a-and she left a note on the computer..., s-she said it wasn't my fault and that I deserved the world *sniff*, and she couldn't give it to me...
But it's a lie! I am th-he guilty one, it was my fa-ault that she felt inadequate*sniff* and KILLED herself..."
Peter stops for a second to wipe his face with the sleeve of the sweater he's wearing.
"She didn't even want children, I destroyed her FUCKING life... *sniff*"
Tony wanted to say something, to say that this wasn't true, but he knew that at that moment Peter didn't need anyone telling him how wrong he was, he just needed a shoulder to cry on.
"I-I thought I could handle this, I-I-I swear I did!"
Peter pulls back a little to look into Tony's eyes, he still wasn't crying completely, clearly trying to contain himself a little.
"I've been dealing with the deaths of my parents, uncle Ben, and some of my friends' deaths for so long...
I don't know w-why, *sniff* I don't know why this is ha-appening now!, I'm so sorry, I was late even in suffering and now the idea of me suffering NOW must be r-ridiculous..."
"Peter, everyone has their time, it doesn't matter if she died 2 months ago, yesterday or 11 years ago, you can grieve as much as you feel you need to, you have that complete right..."
"I, I don't, I don't know why-"
"Ragno, I love you okay? the fact that you're in mourning won't change that, You can go through all the stages in your own time, get angry, deny, scream, hide, get clingy, dress weird, whatever, just please accept that you CAN be sad sometimes"
Peter hugged Tony again, and now he was crying for real, a crying that you can't stop, and you can't speak.
Tony smiled anyway, that's what he needed the boy to do, SHOW HIM HOW HE FEELS he can handle it, what he can't handle is a teenager who just lost everything he had, walking around like nothing happened and smiling doing your best for everyone.
That's why Tony won't care if he sees Peter walking around the house in one of May's old sweaters, or eating a bunch of cereal at once, or screaming for stupid reasons, Peter has done so much for everyone, he deserves to be a teenager, after all that's what he is.
Tony is not confused anymore, he's relieved, even though he knows this will become a headache later, he's going to let Peter grieve in his own time, and he's going to do it RIGHT.