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if i let go, would you hold on?

Summary:

Caitlyn wants to hate her, she wants to believe that the girl who killed her mother is nothing but a monster. She wants to give her the same grief that she and her father are experiencing. So why is she delivering room service to the girl in her guest bedroom?

Or

Caitlyn and Jinx talk while Vi recovers post Act II

Notes:

This is my first Arcane fic and I couldn't sleep until I wrote it, takes place right after act 2 but Isha lives because I love her

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

With so much grief clouding her judgement, it was hard for Caitlyn to see Jinx as anything other than the monster who killed her mother. It was inconceivable to her that the same girl could have needed her big sister to protect her from imaginary monsters. But during their frantic haze of getting Vi back to the Kiramman mansion, she can see glimpses of Powder in Jinx’s concern for her sister. She can finally see the girl Vi would tell stories about growing up as Jinx helps Caitlyn support Vi’s weight, sobbing incoherent promises and apologies in her ear.

Most surprising of all, Jinx surrenders when Vi is taken from their arms by her father. She looks more defeated than Caitlyn has ever seen her, shoulders and head drooping, staring down at the floor as she holds her wrists outward to Caitlyn and the nearby guards.

“I’m done”, is all she says. Eyes brimming with tears while Isha hides behind one of her legs.

Before the guards can slap the cuffs on her, Caitlyn holds up her hand, silently telling them to stay put. She wants to chain her up, she wants to throw her down in the deepest hole possible, she wants to make Jinx pay for what she’s done to her family. Her mother now gone and her father now the shell of his former self. Instead, she does none of those things. She thinks about Violet, only rooms away fighting for her life trying to bring her family back together.

“Come with me.” Caitlyn commands, ushering Jinx (closely followed by Isha) into the guest wing of the mansion. She opens the last door without a word and motions for Jinx to enter. By Piltover standards, it’s a very modest-sized bedroom with an en suite and a large window overlooking the city.

“I will have two guards posted outside the door at all times. Isha may come and go as she pleases, but you are not to leave.” Caitlyn starts to explain. “I will personally bring the two of you your meals and if you need something you are to ask the guards and they will fetch me.”

Isha runs over to the bed and starts to explore the room while Caitlyn and Jinx seem to have a wordless conversation. Jinx isn’t an idiot and she knows Caitlyn isn’t either. Her eyes going over to the large window large enough to comfortably sneak out of and two guards is hardly enough to stop her.

“I am asking you to stay.” Caitlyn answers Jinx’s unspoken question. “When she wakes up, the first thing she’s going to do is ask for you and I cannot see her heart break again.” Her voice quavering, willing herself to believe that Vi will wake up.

Jinx finally meets her eyes before turning back to where Isha has finally tired herself out jumping on the bed and crawling up next to her. It’s the closest thing to a yes Caitlyn is going to get.

The doctors operate on Vi all night and during it, Caitlyn doesn’t sleep at all. They manage to stabilize her early in the morning and she feels like she can finally breathe again once she gets the news.

The guards part, allowing access to Jinx’s room as Caitlyn delivers breakfast to her and Isha. She tries to hide her shock at seeing both of them still there, bolting upright in bed when they hear the door open.

“She’s stable.” Caitlyn tells her, setting the tray down on a small table. “They’re not sure when she’ll wake up but she’s stable for now.” Again, Jinx says nothing, but Caitlyn can visibly see some of the tension leaving her body when she hears the news.

The next few meal deliveries are uneventful, the doctors have no updated news on Vi and neither of them feel like talking any more than needed. Jinx barely picks at her food while Isha’s is all but licked clean. Isha barely leaves the room, once or twice she’ll see her trying to sneak some sweets out of the kitchen but she seldom leaves Jinx’s side. Caitlyn tries her hardest not to think of Vi and Jinx that young. Were they that hungry growing up? Not knowing when or where the next meal would come from?

Her father stays on the other side of the mansion, understandably wanting to be as far away from his wife’s killer as he can be. Cait wishes she had that luxury. Tobias is a kind, patient man and knows that just like Caitlyn is all he has left, Jinx is all Vi has.

Three days pass before she gets any update on Violet’s condition.

“My father says she should be waking up any day now.” She informs the other woman.

Jinx’s head shoots up, her bloodshot eyes locking onto Caitlyn’s. “She better”, is all she gets in response. Her eyes turning back to where Isha is trying to re-braid her hair.

The next day Caitlyn brings a stack of papers with their lunch.

“What’s that? You gonna give me death by a thousand papercuts?” Jinx snorts.

“No, I found something I think you should see.” Caitlyn tells her, setting down Vi’s prison files. When doctors patching her up noted several poorly healed injuries, Caitlyn had done some digging to get her hands on anything she could regarding Vi’s time in Stillwater. What she found had made her wish she had left it alone instead. Somehow she had downplayed the horrors inflicted on her for years.

Pulling out one paper and sliding it over to Jinx. “I know you’re so hellbent on believing that Vi threw you away and didn’t care about you, but I have report after report of her beating men twice her size just to find out if you were alive.” Caitlyn thumbs through the pile, pulling out another file where one line sticks out.

“Prisoner no longer references "powder." Addiction to substance is cured.”

“She was getting beat bloody and the only thing she could think about was you. When she got out the only thing she cared about was finding you.” Caitlyn reaffirms. “I am not telling you this to guilt you, I am telling you that if her love for you could not be beaten or starved out of her, you changing can’t either.”

Jinx only sniffles in response, curling up with her arms wrapped around her knees and Caitlyn can finally see the scared little girl Vi would tell her stories about protecting.

“You are the only one she has left.” Cait continues. “The only thing she wants is her sister. Whether that’s Powder or Jinx, it doesn’t matter.” She stays there in silence for a few moments longer before turning for the door.

“Not that it matters”, Jinx finally says as the door is about to shut, “but I didn’t know your mom was there.” Caitlyn blinks back tears and shuts the door behind her without saying a word.

Another three days pass before Vi finally awakes with a jolt, startling Caitlyn from where she’s sitting next to her bed.

“Jinx? How long-? Where?” Vi chokes out, trying to sit up and reorient herself.

“Be careful, you’ll tear your stitches.” Caitlyn says as she rushes over to stop her from overexerting herself so soon, gently helping her to prop herself up on the pillows behind her.

“‘M fine” Vi mumbles in response, looking around the room with squinting eyes.

“Jinx is fine, we can go see her later. You’re in my room, you’ve been asleep for about a week.” Caitlyn answers, bringing a cup of water to Vi’s lips for her to drink.

Vi pushes the cup and the hand away, trying to push herself out of bed. “I said I’m fine, just take me to her.”

“Violet, sit down. You almost died. You were in a coma for a week, just sit still for a few moments and I promise I will take you to your sister.” Caitlyn’s voice breaks at the end, tears welling up in her eyes after a week of not allowing herself to feel anything. Her body running purely on survival mode.

That finally gets her to stop as she lays back and crosses her arms defiantly across her chest. “Fine,” comes Vi’s stubborn reply.

They sit there for what feels like hours, not speaking before Caitlyn stands, silently leading Vi to the guest wing where Jinx and Isha reside.

Caitlyn waves off the two guards standing on either side of the door. “You’re both needed at the Hexgates.” She orders as the two of them head off, opening the door and praying Jinx has stayed true to her word.

She breathes a sigh of relief and Vi all but knocks her sister over when she sees Jinx sitting on the bed pushing around the food on her plate.

“Vi! Your stitches!” Caitlyn scolds from the doorway.

“Get off of me, fat ass!” Jinx wheezes as Vi’s weight crushes her, pinning her to the bed and sending the plate flying. Isha joins in, jumping on Vi’s back with a squeal. After a few tearful moments, Vi finally sits back up, Isha sliding down her back and onto the bed with an “oomph”.

“I’ll let you two catch up.” Caitlyn says with a small smile. “If you need me, I’ll be at the Hexgates with all of the guards.” Closing the door behind her, she owes Vi this choice. And if she selfishly hopes they’ll be there when she gets back, so be it.

Notes:

fhe files are available to read on the LoL wiki under "the warden's write ups"

title is from dancing after death by matt maeson