Chapter Text
Dear Friend,
Everyday, my heart fills with excitement as I check the post box, anxious to see if there’s a letter there for me. Your words have filled my days with joy, and your letters have always brought a smile to my face.
Everyday, I long to ask how your day was, know everything about it, about you. I know nothing about the person behind the pages and yet, I feel as if I've known you forever. One day, in due time, I desperately wish to meet you in person, and continue these conversations that keep me going.
I’m sorry this note is so short, expect a longer one to arrive in your mail soon.
Yours, always
•••
Felix looked down at the letter clutched in one hand, a familiar feeling of warmth spreading through his chest as he read and reread the words on the page. It had to have been the fourth time that morning his eyes drifted back to the note that he left lying open on his kitchen table. Felix’s fingers itched to pick it up and look at it again each time he passed by while he readied himself for the day.
He managed to make it through scarfing down the end of his breakfast and dumping his plate in the sink to deal with later without reading through his letter more than once more. It was a letter from a mysterious person Felix had been corresponding with for a few months and if he were to admit it to himself, he’d become quite fond of the person on the other side of the page. He didn’t even know anything personal about the man he was writing to, only that they both resided in the same town.
When Felix had posted an ad in the paper to become anonymous friends with someone else by writing letters, he honestly hadn’t expected any takers. Until one day, a week or so after the ad was posted, Felix checked his post box and to his outstanding surprise and joy, there was an answer to his ad waiting for him. It hadn’t said much, simply that the other writer was a man who lived in the same town and was also interested in attempting such an unconventional means of finding a friend.
From there, their friendship truly had exploded, with Felix and his mystery friend writing nearly every other day. Although they hadn’t shared personal details that might give away who they were, Felix shared the sentiment of feeling as if he’d known the other for years and years. Even despite the fact he did not know hide nor hair of the other, he couldn’t deny the clear connection they had forged through their letters.
Felix had always considered himself somewhat of a hopeless romantic. From the time he was young and read book upon book of grand tales filled with sweeping love stories, he knew that was the type of romance he wanted to have. How exactly he was going to make that dream come true, Felix wasn’t completely sure, just that it would happen. It had to.
Or, that’s what he’d thought and hoped for until he met one Bang Chan, the resident thorn in Felix’s side, and his expectations got turned on their head.
In the middle of Felix throwing on his coat before he began his trek to work, he caught a glimpse of the words scrawled across the inside of his forearm. No matter how much he rubbed at them, the words never faded and wouldn’t until he was dead and gone and cold in the ground. To whatever end, they said. As if the idea of his soulmate wasn’t laughable enough, he had to have a physical reminder tattooed on his body to taunt him in case he ever needed something to weep over.
Whenever someone met the person that was supposed to be their soulmate, a phrase written in the other person’s handwriting appeared on their right forearm. There was no marking over it or removing it unless a person wanted to cut their whole arm off, though there was the idea that the magic might simply move the words over to the other arm. Felix had seen how happy his parents and so many others were; no one had ever dared to doubt who the universe paired together as it had seemingly never chosen wrong before. Except in Felix’s case.
From the moment he met Chan and the magic snapped into place, flowery words appearing on their arms, Felix knew that for possibly the first time in history, the universe had gotten it wrong.
It wasn’t that Chan was particularly difficult to look at; on the contrary, Felix could be pressed to admit that he was in fact rather handsome with curly hair framing a wide, sloping nose that somehow fit his face and a dimply smile. Not that Felix would ever see that smile directed at him as Chan had created the impression that it was his personal mission to torment Felix however he could within the confines of their shared workplace.
Chan happened to be the manager of the bookshop and cafe Felix had been hired at only a couple short months ago and enjoyed lording his power over those that were under him. At least, that’s how it always appeared to Felix. Smiling and friendly, a perfect angel to the customers that wandered in, while he was nothing but short and strictly business with Felix and his other coworkers. Though Felix knew rationally that it was smart the manager of the place focused on business before friends, the opposite half of him wondered if it truly would kill the other man to crack a smile Felix’s way once in a while.
The small bell hung above the door rang as Felix made his way into the shop and was immediately greeted by the sight of Chan grinning widely while helping a customer find a book. Felix wanted to scoff, unable to help the roll of his eyes, and marched right to the little room in the back of the store for employees to stow their belongings while working. Unlike one person he knew, he wasn’t afraid of being polite and flashed a smile at each of his coworkers when he passed them. Only Jisung and Hyunjin were working today, with Jisung out on the floor and Hyunjin behind the cafe counter. Jisung had long been banned from that particular station after he nearly set fire to the place a month earlier.
Felix made short work of setting his personal effects in the little locker he picked out on his first day and checked to make sure he looked presentable in the small, dinky mirror on the wall. It seemed as though winter had appeared overnight a short week prior, and brought wind and rapidly dropping temperatures along with it. It was only the second week of November and while Felix desperately wished for autumn to last a bit longer, the actual weather had other plans.
When he’d smoothed his hair down to his liking, Felix took a deep breath before heading to the floor to discover what tortures Chan had cooked up for him that day. He found his supposed soulmate sitting behind the register and going over some papers, the glasses sitting low on the man’s nose making him look older than the twenty-five or so Felix guessed him to be. Absently, Felix wondered if the lack of good vision was why Chan’s handwriting was often more of a scrawl than anything actually legible. If only he were a better writer, Felix wouldn’t be stuck with near scribble on the inside of his arm.
To get the other man’s attention, Felix cleared his throat and sent him a smile that was only slightly smarmy when their eyes met. Just enough to remind Chan how insufferable he was to Felix, but not with so much sass that he received another lecture on the importance of putting forward a kind expression when working.
“Good morning,” Felix said, folding his hands behind his back. “What do you have for me today?”
“Good morning, Felix,” Chan replied, flitting his eyes back to the paper in front of him and seeming content to let Felix stew in silence for a moment before gracing him with an answer. Moments before Felix was readying to pester him for some sort of response, Chan set his paper aside and stood from his spot behind the register. “Come with me.”
Without a word of further explanation, Chan strode toward the back of the shop where the storeroom was located and came to a halt in front of a large pile of paper wrappings and ribbons of every color. Felix stopped a step behind him, his stomach sinking when he saw the sight. He could decipher well enough what Chan had in mind for the day.
“I want you to get all this organized so we don’t have to fret over it when we arrange it on the shelves next week. Here’s a list of how everything should be grouped.” Chan held out a paper with a badly drawn diagram of the shelves and little groupings of each of the products. Coming from another person, Felix might have found the atrocious doodle with scrawled handwriting to match endearing. Though as it stood, he was too busy lamenting over the fact that the task would undoubtedly take the whole day and leave him no room to do any of the parts of his job that he did enjoy.
Grumbling to himself, Felix snatched the paper from Chan’s hand and gave it a once over. It didn’t appear to be horribly difficult, simply time-consuming and mind-numbingly monotonous. He waved a flippant hand in Chan’s general direction, eyes not leaving the page. “Very well, my liege. Now take your leave and let me try to decipher these scribbles of yours.”
When Chan didn’t move an inch, Felix raised his head to fix his gaze on the other man. Chan was already looking at Felix, an unreadable expression written across his features as though he were lost deep in thought. The glasses Felix assumed were only supposed to be for reading drooped low on his nose, precariously close to falling off his face altogether. Felix almost wished they would, if only to give himself something to laugh at whenever the unbearable man blocking his way decided to stop staring like an idiot and move along to whatever else he had to do.
Felix raised an eyebrow and snapped his fingers a couple times in front of Chan’s nose to jolt him back to the present. Widened brown eyes met his own and Felix gestured to the mess behind Chan. “If you’re quite finished gawking, I’d appreciate being allowed to do my job, please and thank you.”
Immediately, the somewhat surprised look was gone and was replaced with a reflection of the smarmy smile Felix had thrown his way earlier. He gave Felix a light pat on the head and brushed past him. “Have fun,” he threw out over his shoulder when he was half through the doorway to the storeroom.
Hated him. Felix hated him. He wanted nothing more than to march right back out there and tell Chan exactly what he thought of him. But, he enjoyed the other aspects of his job and his coworkers far too much to risk getting terminated so he stayed where he was, choosing instead to focus on the impending task before him. Thoughts of maiming and murder could wait until he was off the clock.
As Felix organized the mountain of colorful papers and ribbons, thoughts of the note lying open on his kitchen table drifted through his mind. Now that was how a real gentleman should sound. And he had handwriting like one too, Felix could tell there was thought worked into each and every word, as opposed to the illegible loops and scratches on the list Chan gave him. If his job was so damned important to him, wouldn’t it only be right he make his demands able to be read without a cipher?
The man on the other side of the page wouldn’t treat him in this way, Felix was sure of it. He’d let him do something he enjoyed more, whether it was baking up tarts for the cafe or even checking the shelves to make certain they were all in their correct spots. Felix hadn’t started his employment at the only bookshop in town to spend all his days cloistered in the storeroom.
Reading had always been one of his favorite pastimes both as a child and as he grew into adulthood. Felix loved letting his mind be transported to different times and faraway places as an escape from the rather normal life he led otherwise. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy his life, he did; he just also enjoyed adventures, even if the only ones he could go on were stuck in his mind’s eye. So, the moment Felix saw the “Help wanted” sign in the window, he nearly dropped the bag of groceries he was holding in his haste to go in and apply for the position.
Though Chan was the manager of the store, Felix hadn’t actually met him until his first day of work. When he’d waltzed in to begin his inaugural shift, he hadn’t been expecting, much less prepared, to meet his apparent soulmate. But there Chan was and as soon as they shook hands, the words faded to black on the insides of their forearms. To whatever end, on Felix’s and, By you, I am forever undone, on Chan’s.
They’d both glanced to see the phrases inscribed and while Felix was still reeling from the development, Chan had simply nodded and carried on about his day in the same manner in which one would from a minor inconvenience. He acted as though nothing special happened, as though Felix was simply another employee to deal with and not the one the universe deemed to be his perfect match.
Felix wasn’t entirely sure what he had been expecting when—if—he met his soulmate, but to essentially be brushed aside the way he had been was not high on his list of expectations. He had wanted at least a smile, a promise of something more and yet, nothing. He didn’t spy even a hint of interest on Chan’s face after the magic sealed their fates. From that moment on, Felix decided there was no way Chan could be his soulmate in any universe. For the first time he knew of, the magic had struck wrong.
He hadn’t written to his friend about it, either. They agreed to keep personal details private and Felix didn’t want to ruin something that had barely even started. It wasn’t as if he was actually spoken for, Chan hadn’t shown any interest and Felix despised Chan, so he saw nothing wrong with continuing to write to his anonymous friend.
From the time they started writing, their letters had taken on a more intimate tone, flowery language and pretty words becoming the overarching theme in each note. While they weren’t explicitly romantic, it surely seemed to Felix that they were heading that way and would make it there in due time. He figured that as a man with a soulmate, it should probably have felt more wrong, like he was cheating by corresponding in such a way with someone else. But when said supposed soulmate was clearly the wrong fit for him, Felix couldn’t find it in himself to truly care what Chan might have thought, had he found out about the letters.
Plus, with every eargerly-awaited note, Felix came more and more to believe the sneaking suspicion that his true soulmate may very well have been on the other end of his pen. The mystery man just wrote so beautifully, knew the exact sentiments to share whenever Felix told him about having a rough day and made Felix feel like his friend was actually in the room listening to him ramble about all sorts of topics. And Felix, in turn, loved reading every word the other had to say, from his love of music and books to late night walks with his dog when he couldn’t sleep. Even though he knew it was a stupid idea, Felix found himself wholly unable to halt the feelings that crept up whenever another letter appeared in his post box.
He’d get around to explaining his whole soulmate situation eventually, it wasn’t something that could be hidden forever. But for the moment, he was more than happy to let his thoughts carry him away on perfectly formed loops while he lost himself in organizing the brightly colored wrappings that littered the bookshop’s floor. Nevertheless, his ideations of a soulmate that loved him and a happy life didn’t stop Felix from cursing Chan every time he came across a package of ribbon he thought he already sorted and had to sort the entire stack over again.
By the time Hyunjin came to let Felix know it was time for his allotted time for lunch, he’d hardly made it halfway through the absurdly large pile.
“What’s this?” Hyunjin asked, his head tilted curiously to one side. As he mostly took care of the cafe that had its own kitchen storage, he didn’t have much need to venture into the regular storeroom often.
Standing with a huff from where he was crouched on his knees, Felix dusted off his pants as best he could and turned to Hyunjin with a sarcastic smile. “Didn’t you hear? My illustrious soulmate loves me.”
Hyunjin snickered and shook his head. “You know, despite… this,” he said, waving a hand at the mess still covering half the floor behind Felix, “he’s truly not all that bad. You’ll become used to him eventually, promise.”
Felix absentmindedly kicked at a roll of ribbon, sending it back to the main pile of wrappings. “Oh sure, I will. The same way I would acclimate a hammer to my skull. The day I feel anything positive toward that man is the day I want you to check me into the hospital for a head wound.”
“That, I’ll be happy to do any day of the week,” Hyunjin replied, swinging an arm over Felix’s shoulders as he steered him out of the tiny back room. “Although, attempt giving him a small chance, will you? You might be surprised by what you discover.”
Giving Hyunjin an unimpressed look, Felix let himself be led over to one of the tables by the cafe counter and pushed down into the chair waiting for him. Hyunjin stayed standing and towered over him with a serious look on his face until Felix gave up and groaned, “Very well, and when he turns out to be every bit as diabolical as he seems, you owe me an apology. And free pastries for the rest of my life.”
Hyunjin rolled his eyes and made his way back behind the cafe counter to the glass case that housed all the baked goods. “You act like you don’t already take all the pastries you want, whenever you want, my Felix. But I’ll concede, whatever makes you happy.”
Felix just gave a single nod to Hyunjin’s words, forgoing a real reply. He knew there would be no changing his friend’s mind, no matter how much he was convinced Hyunjin was completely in the wrong. A minute later, a plate was placed in front of him, complete with a warm roll that had a sausage baked into it, a small pile of fruit, and a cookie iced with pale pink frosting.
“Eat up so I might have a break of my own,” Hyunjin said after setting the plate down. He lightly tapped the top of Felix’s head before turning back to the cafe counter once more, Felix mumbling his thanks after him.
Felix made his way through the meal Hyunjin gave him and pointedly did not glance across the shop to where Chan was perched once again behind the register. Admitting the other man was nice to look at was the first step in Felix losing every last one of his morals when it came to overly pretentious people like Chan. He hated Chan and his stupid glasses that sat too low on his nose and the fact he was the farthest thing from ugly that Felix could think of wouldn’t change that.
When Felix had cleared his plate, he watched the counter so Hyunjin could take a break as well and worked on another batch of cookies to go in the glass display case. He had a love for both baking and books, making this job of his nearly a perfect dream. Except for the times his oh so considerate manager had him do each and every odd job around the store and kept him from the things he actually enjoyed. These odd jobs entailed things such as organizing the cramped mess of paper in the back room, which is exactly where Felix found himself after Hyunjin had finished his short time off.
He wouldn’t have wished for any of the others that worked in the shop to sort the pile; Felix may have been petty, but he wasn’t evil. Help was the only thing he wanted in sorting through the monster of wrappings and the lack of help from anyone in the store was what truly upset him. Yet, no help was given, so Felix trudged through the giant pile of paper and ribbons alone.
By the time he was finished for the day, Felix had barely managed to get everything sorted into the piles Chan wanted them in. He still resented Chan for dumping the task on him with no help, but he couldn’t deny the slightest feeling of pride bubbling up in his chest at having completed it all in one day. Another undeniable fact was his excitement at being able to get home to finally write a response to his anonymous friend.
“All done,” he announced proudly when Chan came to check his progress before Felix left for the day. He’d dusted himself off and was now standing to present the cleared up area on the storeroom floor.
“Good,” was the short response he received from Chan, followed by a simple, “Doesn’t look half bad.”
Once again, Felix was left questioning why the universe had decided to pair him with this insufferable man. He had toiled the entire day away to get the wrappings organized before his shift was up and this was all Chan had to say about it? The universe had surely made a mistake.
Felix scoffed lightly and pushed past Chan, unwilling to look him in the eyes any longer. “Thank you for your kind words, dear manager; don’t strain yourself trying to think of a nice sentiment to share. If that’s all you have for me, I’ll be going now.”
Behind him, he heard a sigh and the steps indicative of Chan following him to the room where Felix stored his things. “Even if I did have something else for you to do, I value my life more than getting all my boxes ticked tonight.”
“Truly? It seems to me like that’s all you care about, Mr. Bang.” Felix shucked off the apron he wore in exchange for the coat he’d stuffed in the locker with the rest of his things. He didn’t turn to face the other man, wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of being witness to any of his expressions.
“And you spend a lot of time thinking over what I care for?” Felix could practically hear the smug smile that he despised make its way onto Chan’s face through his words. Beside him, a figure moved. It was Chan stepping up and twisting his key in the locker next to Felix’s, the door swinging open as he rummaged for his things.
“For your information, I spend hardly a moment thinking about you, since you clearly do the same with me.” Felix plucked up the last of his things and closed his locker, barely resisting the urge to slam it shut. After securing the lock once more, he whirled on his heel to leave, not wanting to spend another second within such close proximity to Chan.
“Perhaps if you hadn’t decided you hated me five seconds into our first meeting, I’d be more inclined to spend a little more time thinking about you, since you seem to desire it so much,” Chan’s words had Felix spinning back around, indignant anger bubbling up in his chest.
“I decided? I decided no such thing!” Felix’s voice rose with every word he spoke and gestured wildly between them with one hand. “You were the one that acted like the fact you have a soulmate isn’t something others dream of their whole lives! You treated me as though I were nothing and still do to this day!”
Chan scoffed and pulled his coat on, not sparing a glance Felix’s way. Though Felix had just doled out the same treatment, some tiny little part inside of him stung.
“You’re one to speak,” Chan threw out, tone bitter as he evaded Felix’s eyes. “You simply stared blankly at nothing until I said something.“
“Because I was in shock!” Felix tossed back. “I couldn’t believe it and- and then you went and brushed it off like it was of no importance!”
Chan scoffed, shaking his head and winding a scarf around his neck once, twice, until it bunched right beneath his chin. “What, would you have rather had me fall at your feet and weep? Dust your walkways with rose petals and perpetuate the love at first sight soulmate stereotype and declare my undying love when we knew nothing more of each other than our names?”
“Do not speak to me about love, you know nothing of the concept!” Felix lobbed his words at Chan carelessly, hot, embarrassed and angry tears welling up in his eyes. He cursed himself at how easily he tended to cry; a trait that often endeared him to others now the very thing threatening to humiliate him.
“I don’t care if you’re my soulmate, I will never love you!”
All at once, Felix wished he could take his words back, pluck up every syllable and stuff them in his mouth, swallow them down to rot in his stomach. He could be petty but he wasn’t known for being cruel. The slight way Chan flinched didn’t go unnoticed, even through the blur the tears in his eyes created and his heart twisted in his chest at the sight.
For a split second, everything was silent before Chan finally tilted his head up to fix Felix under his piercing gaze. The weight of the stare on him made it the smallest bit difficult to breathe and left Felix heaving for air in the quiet room. Though, of all things, Chan didn’t appear horribly angry as Felix would have been if the roles were reversed. Instead, he simply looked resigned and so incredibly exhausted Felix didn’t know how exactly he’d never taken note of it until then.
“Now that that’s settled,” Chan said, his voice quiet, any fire that had been in his tone long extinguished, “go home and get some rest, Felix. You’re not fired, but you need not come in tomorrow; take that time to unwind, instead.”
Without any more fanfare, Chan gathered the last of his things and pushed past Felix to exit the room. Felix could do no more than follow him out, trailing after him like a scolded puppy with his tail between his legs. No, he didn’t like Chan, but even he could acknowledge the last things he’d said were uncalled for.
Felix trudged home in the whipping wind and fell right into bed the moment he arrived home, the letter on his kitchen table all but forgotten.