Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I believe that when the hurting and the pain has gone

We will be strong, oh yes we will be strong

~ Tears for Fears, "I Believe"

“Onward and upward,” was Wolf’s favorite phrase to say during missions.

Ghost always wondered why he always seemed to default to that. He wondered how Wolf always managed to stay so cheerful even when things seemed dark. It was what he loved most about his Guardian: his ability to bring the sun wherever he went. He never questioned it though. Why would he? It was a good thing.

Then, during the Red War -- during those harrowing days spent trekking the mountains, with no light and no reason to have hope -- Ghost asked where they were going to go. Wolf had simply given him a shaky smile and said to him, “Nowhere to go but up, buddy. We can’t dwell on where we are if we’re going to get to where we’re going.” In that moment, it occurred to Ghost that Wolf was simply refusing to dwell on how hopeless things got, and instead focused on how to make things better, and in understanding that, Ghost immediately felt the reassurance he needed. How it took him that long to realize was beyond him, but what mattered was that he finally had his answer.

Ghost had already adored his Guardian, of course, but the way he managed to stay so positive and upbeat even in the worst of times... It made Ghost love him even more. Even when things seemed hopeless, he could always be counted on to make things better. Ghost felt safe with Wolf, knowing that as long as they were together, everything was going to be okay. He was a light in the darkness, a beacon of hope for the Last City. He hoped Wolf knew that. After all, in the years since the Red War, people had made it a point to tell him.

(He hoped Wolf knew he was loved.)

Of course, everyone has their limits. Ghost had hoped Wolf would never reach his.

He was deluding himself.

Petra Venj had asked Cayde-6 for help at the Prison of Elders. Cayde, in turn, had invited Wolf to join him. Ghost remembered how excited Cayde was to get back into the field and he especially remembered how excited Wolf was to be fighting alongside his Vanguard and mentor. The mission had started with Wolf and Cayde fighting and laughing alongside each other -- two gunslingers having the time of their lives -- and ended in tragedy. Cayde-6 died his final death in Wolf's arms, and Wolf...

Ghost felt Wolf break.

In typical Wolf fashion, he didn't cry, didn't allow himself to feel that grief, not when the light in Cayde's eyes dimmed for the last time, not when he was carrying his body back to the Tower for burial, not during the funeral, not once, but Ghost felt just how broken he was, and it hurt seeing those once bright blue eyes turn dull. 

Of course, someone had to make Uldren Sov pay for what he had done, and like everything else, Wolf decided that that someone would be him.

(Except this wasn't like the other times Wolf insisted on shouldering the burden so that others wouldn't have to. He was heartbroken. He was angry, and worst of all, he was out for blood.)

Those months spent in the Reef had been the most terrifying of Ghost’s life so far, not because of the danger — they had been in far worse conditions and had made it out alive — but because Ghost had spent that time getting to know a very different side of his Guardian. Wolf tore through the Reef like a whirlwind of destruction, leaving countless bodies and scorch marks in his wake. 

Ghost knew his Guardian was not okay. He wanted Wolf to talk to him, to tell him how he felt, and most importantly, just how much Ghost was scared for him (and of him, though he refused to admit that, even to himself), but the words died before they could come out. Ghost wanted Uldren Sov to pay for what he did too, but not if it cost him his Guardian’s soul. 

(He wanted Wolf to realize that he was so very loved. That people needed him alive and well. That they couldn't lose him too.)

(But every time he tried to bring it up, the words died in his core. He knew Wolf would never hurt him but ... something about that cold rage masking heartbreak... Would Ghost even be heard in that storm of emotions?)

Only once Uldren laid dead at his Wolf’s feet did they finally go home. Ghost was relieved. Maybe now, the healing process could begin. 

(Ghost immediately realized he was deluding himself when he noticed Wolf staring blankly into space, blue eyes soulless and broken.)

Ghost finally asked Wolf if he was okay. 

(Please, just talk to me. I'm here for you. I love you. You don't have to do this alone.)

Wolf looked up at Ghost and gently brushed his shell with his gloved hand. “I’ll be fine,” he had said with a smile. “Onward and upward, right?”

It should have made Ghost feel better, seeing his Guardian’s smile for the first time in months. Light, he missed that smile…

(Except the smile didn’t reach his eyes. It wouldn't for a long time.)

Ghost’s shells tightened a bit as he leaned into Wolf’s hand. 

“Right…”

Chapter Text

“Through the storm we reach the shore

You give it all but I want more

And I'm waiting for you”

~ U2, “With or Without You.”

Wolf gets up out of bed at exactly five in the morning, with no meaningful rest to his name.

He greets Ghost with a good morning and only breathes when he responds in kind.

He gets cleaned up, splashes some water over his face, and makes sure he looks functional.

He puts on his armor.

He puts his hair in its usual ponytail.

He puts on his cloak, relishing in the anonymity it gives him.

He checks on Ghost.

He makes sure his sidearm and knives are secured and on hand if needed.

He made sure his bow and sword are ready to go and safe with Ghost.

He puts his headphones over his ears and his hood over his head.

He glances over at Ghost one final time, ignoring the annoyed glare he gets in return.

He turns on that playlist full of pre-Golden Age music that he and Ghost had stumbled across lifetimes ago, steps out of his quarters, beginning yet another day.

His neighbors wave at him, and he waves back. Other Guardians he had seen around the Tower but never really interacted with give him friendly smiles and he tries to return them. Otherwise, Wolf keeps his eyes forward, his face stone, and one foot in front of the other; relying on the social rules regarding headphones to keep interactions to the bare minimum. Getting from Point A to Point B was hard enough most days without people trying to say hi, or staring at him like he was some kind of legend or asking him how he is because he has to field enough of those questions from his own Ghost and he’s getting sick of it, good intentions or not.

He crosses through the courtyard and into the hangar and is forced to remove his headphones for safety reasons. He turns them off to save power, and the loss has him feeling exposed and vulnerable. He finds himself tugging his hood further down to compensate. The dark corners of the hangar seem to stretch further, and Wolf can’t help but feel like something is about to jump out and attack.

You’re being ridiculous , he tells himself. You’re fine.

He suddenly feels the fabric of his hood shift as a tiny weight settles on his shoulder. Wolf swallows hard and tilts his head slightly so that his cheek gently brushes the tips of Ghost’s shell. What would I do without you? he wonders, and then instantly ends that line of thought before it can begin, because it almost was, and it kills him inside. 

Wolf’s destination comes into view, and a deep ache settles in the Hunter’s chest. Amanda’s old station, still covered in makeshift memorials and candles, serves as another reminder of just how much Wolf had failed over the years, how he wasn’t smart enough, strong enough, good enough to save her or Cayde or Ghost or anyone. He really had a lot to make up for...

Wolf quickly turns that thought off, tries to ignore Ghost’s concerned gaze burning into him like solar fire and tries not to think too hard about anything, especially the past. The past was the past. The only thing he needed to focus on was what needed to be done.

Onward and upward. 

Be the hero. Be a supportive friend. Be the shoulder to cry on. 

(And don’t fail anyone else.)

Wolf finds Crow hanging around Amanda’s station like always. He is looking down at a tablet, but glances up when he hears Wolf’s approach. The Hunter Vanguard gives him a quick once over and his lips twitch upward. “You look like hell.”

Light... Is it really that obvious?

Wolf forces a smile and shrugs. “No more than usual. Anything new?”

Crow raises an eyebrow as if Wolf had just said something completely deranged. He took a moment and looked down at his tablet.

“Nothing since the last time you asked … in your message two hours ago.” Crow’s voice is slow, deadpan, and concerned? Wolf brushes it off.

“Yeah, well ... a lot can happen in a few hours. I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“Don’t worry, you didn’t.” Crow then goes quiet for a moment, giving Wolf a long look that causes him to shift uncomfortably.

Crow finally lets out a small sigh and slightly shakes his head. “Well, Glint and I were just about to head down to the Market District to check on Misraaks and make sure Eido isn’t working herself into an early grave. I suppose we could take you and Ghost along, grab some tea on the way, maybe make a morning out of it?”

Wolf nods quickly, eager for the chance to keep himself occupied. “Sounds good to me. Ghost can fill you in on what we’ve been up to, and I can see what I can take off of Eido’s plate so she can get some rest.”

(He swears he senses a flash of frustration from Ghost’s end of the neural link.)

Crow and Glint exchange looks. “Right,” the Hunter replied slowly. “Well, we better get going.”

The pair walk towards the edge of the hangar, and Wolf has to fight the urge to put his headphones back on (and hide). He once again glances at Ghost and as he tries to blink away the cracks in his shell and the lack of light in his eye, he swears he can see his partner glare at him for a brief moment.

A small voice in the back of his mind speaks up. Stop it. He’s alive. He’ll be fine. Stop worrying.

But Wolf can’t stop worrying. He can’t stop thinking about what he can do to fix things, to help . That’s what he was made for. He was made to keep humanity safe, and recent events have proven that there will always be something to save them from. There will always be some disaster for the Young Wolf, the Godkiller, the Slayer-Baron, the so-called Chosen One to solve, always a day to save. It’s the reason he lives and breathes. It’s his job to worry, not Ghost’s, not Crow’s, his.

So Wolf pushes his own issues to one side, keeps his eyes forward and his face made of stone. He can’t be a burden. He can’t make more problems. 

After all, the fighting would go on no matter what, and someone had to fight it. 

That someone may as well be him.

He is done burying his friends.

Chapter Text

“There's too many men, too many people

Making too many problems

And not much love to go 'round

Can't you see this is a land of confusion?”

~ Genesis, “Land of Confusion.”

They all ride down to the Market District together.

No one speaks which is fine with Wolf. He doesn’t have the energy to hold a conversation right now, despite the fact that he can’t get his leg to stop bouncing. He tries closing his eyes and meditating, but his racing mind refuses to quiet. He tries counting the ships outside but can’t keep track of them all. Social etiquette is the only thing keeping him from the safety blanket resting around his neck. 

“Relax,” Ghost finally says, giving Wolf a gentle nudge. 

Wolf simply smiles at Ghost. “I am relaxed.” He tenses the muscles in his leg, forcing it into stillness. “See? Total Zen.”

“Sure, you are. Hey, you heard Crow. There was nothing new to report. We’ve got a nice, quiet day at the lab ahead of us.”

"Listen to your Ghost," Crow chides playfully from the cockpit. "He knows things."

"Don't tell him that," Glint jokes. "It'll inflate his ego." Then, he gasps, as if coming to a terrible realization. "Wait, did Ghost just use the Q-Word? Oh no... We’re done for.”

“The Q-Word is a myth, Glint," Ghost sighs. 

“It is not either. Last time someone used the Q-Word, the Tower administration fell into complete and utter chaos. Remember that? So much paperwork...”

“Really? You too?” Crow groans. “It was taken out of context!”

Wolf chuckles at the banter. Ghost emotes a smile at him, and Wolf can’t help but grin. “There’s that smile I know and love,” Ghost says through their link. 

Wolf’s smile turns softer. “Thanks, bud. I really needed that.”

Crow glances behind him towards where he and Ghost are with a smile of his own, and Wolf realizes that his friends have done the impossible. He feels somewhat better now.

It’s nice.

It doesn’t last. 

Misraaks is unwell, ranting, raving, and Eido is so not only in tears but exhausted she can hardly stand. The words leave Wolf like clockwork. “What can I do to help?”

“I … I took some notes. I think they make sense. I just … I need…” Eido stumbles over her words as she sways on her feet. 

“I’m on it. Crow, can you take her?” Wolf doesn’t even wait for an answer before he pulls up a chair at the alchemy table and starts going over Eido’s notes. “Ghost?” 

“On it,” Ghost understands instantly and begins translating texts and scanning ingredients. 

He can hear Crow ask Variks something before the two of them leave with Eido in tow. It is just Wolf, Ghost, and Misraaks now. 

Misraaks seems to have fought back the effects of the curse for the time being, if the silence in the laboratory is of any indication, allowing for better focus. The sounds of the city provide a good ambience, but Wolf soon wonders if he’d come off as an ass if he were to put his headphones on for a while. 

Misraaks speaks up, saving him the trouble of a decision. “I fear I’m running out of time.”

Wolf glances behind him towards the Kell of Light just long enough to acknowledge his words before going back to Eido’s notes. 

“And you are wasting it, chasing fantasies when Fikrul is still out there.” Misraaks’s voice becomes harsher as Nezarec’s curse once again begins to resurface.

Wolf swears he hears Rohan's voice in his mind. "Headlong and empty-handed."

Something tells him that that advice would not be well received at the moment.

“Crow’s been keeping tabs on the situation,” Ghost says calmly. “We have Fikrul handled.”

Misraaks seemed to calm a bit, but the tension in the air remained thick enough to cut with a knife. “You swore an oath, Slayer-Baron.”

Wolf shut his eyes tightly and slowly turned around. “And I intend on keeping it. Fikrul will be stopped.”

“I do not mean just Fikrul. You know this.”

Wolf feels his heart start to pound. His breath hitches in his throat, and he finds his grip on the alchemy table tightening. He can hear Ghost stop what he is doing, and his shell segments start to spin nervously. 

Wolf takes a deep breath, holds it for a few seconds, then releases it. “It won’t come to that,” he tries to say, but the words die in his throat. I won’t let it. I can’t lose another friend. I can’t fail Eido. I can’t fail. I can’t! 

Ghost, bless him, speaks up on his behalf. “With all due respect, we haven’t gotten to that point yet. If it comes down to it, Wolf will do what he has to in order to protect your people. You know he will, but please don’t ask him — or Eido for that matter — to stand by and do nothing to try and help you.”

Misraaks is silent. Wolf waits for him to say something, for the curse to lash out and force him to say something he’ll regret later, but instead, the Light Kell simply sighs. “You and my daughter are too much alike.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Ghost replies, and the conversation finally ends there. 

The newly found silence is suddenly too much to bear, and Wolf slides his headphones over his head, mentally instructing Ghost to let him know if anything is needed. 

He does turn back to Misraaks one more time, and he foolishly hopes that when he smiles, the Kell feels somewhat reassured. 

As Wolf gets back to work, he can faintly hear Ghost making conversation with Misraaks, but he doesn’t pay attention. He directs his focus to the notes in front of him, channels his racing mind into one single purpose. He would save Misraaks. He would put Fikrul in the ground. He remembered how shattered he was when Cayde had died. He could not and would not put Eido through that same grief. 

Chapter Text

I have climbed the highest mountains

I have run through the fields

Only to be with you

~ U2, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”

Ghost remembers a simpler time – when Wolf was still a New Light racing across the system for the first time, eager to save the day. 

Guardians were meant to complement their Ghosts, balancing each other out. Ghost quickly learned that this was the case between him and Wolf. Ghost was more than willing to admit he could be chatty at times, whereas Wolf only spoke when spoken to or if he had something to say. People called Ghost feisty and uptight, but Wolf was a little more relaxed. Ghost was cautious where Wolf was eager. Very eager.

At first, Ghost figured Wolf was eager for a fight, that he was someone who sought out thrills and adrenaline rushes, but over time, he realized that it was something else entirely. 

His willingness to be there for others extended to just beyond missions. When the Red Legion attacked, the Light was lost, and the Vanguard scattered, Wolf had not only put them back together again, but he also gave them the support they needed. It helped that Wolf was just so easy to talk to. He didn’t have to say a word. He just listened. 

He threw himself in harm’s way so that others wouldn’t have to. He became a safety net for those who needed it. He put forth a strong persona even in the darkest of times. He became just as known for his reassuring presence and positivity as much as his battle prowess.

At the end of the day, Wolf was eager to please. He craved not attention, not adoration, but approval and affirmation. He wanted to prove himself worthy. And most importantly, he wanted to make other people happy. He was always the first to answer the call not for fame, but because he wanted to help. Because he wanted to be enough.

Ghost wished he had told Wolf that he already was worthy, that he didn’t have to prove himself to anyone. He thought his Guardian had already known.

That assumption is one of Ghost’s biggest screw-ups to date, and now he doesn’t know how to fix it.

He just wishes Wolf would talk to him more about how he’s feeling. It’s his job to support his Guardian, not the other way around. He knows Wolf suffers from nightmares whenever he is able to sleep, but waves Ghost off when he asks about them. Meanwhile, whenever Ghost’s anxiety spikes whenever memories resurface, Wolf is there reassuring him that everything is going to be okay.

It’s beyond infuriating. And it’s getting worse. It’s been getting worse since they returned from the Pale Heart. Nessus made it apparent to Ghost just how bad it had gotten, when Wolf was more focused on making sure everyone else was okay after that final confrontation with Maya Sundaresh and had all but waved off any attempts to return the favor. 

Wolf can deny it all he wants, Ghost knows just how shaken his Guardian was by the ordeal. He was scared too. Scared and helpless and he wondered if that was how Wolf felt all those times Ghost had been possessed by the Witness. Ever since then, Wolf’s mind had been a racing mess. Sleep is hard. Meditation is impossible. Even painting started to become more difficult, and Wolf loves to paint. Wolf keeps himself busy with high stress tasks just to give himself something to focus on. 

And now, with Mithrax succumbing to his curse more and more and Fikrul loose in Sol, Wolf has plenty of things to keep himself occupied, whether Ghost likes it or not. 

Endless challenge… 

Ghost shudders as a chill settles in his core. Wolf looks up and towards him. He pauses his music and slides his headphones around his neck. “Are you alright?” he asks. 

“I’m alright,” Ghost replies. “Just thinking…”

“Do you need a break? We can bring down a pillow or something you can rest on.”

“Wolf, I haven’t done anything yet.  If anyone needs a break, it’s you.” He notices the dark circles under his Guardian’s eyes and sighs. “Maybe you should take your own advice.”

“Me?” Wolf let out an amused huff, as if the very notion was ridiculous. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

Too late, idiot.

“By the way,” Wolf continues through their mental link. “When’s your next Ghost Den session?”

“Not for another few days,” Ghost replies. “Why?”

“Just planning accordingly. It’s been good for you, going to those. I don’t want you to miss one.”

Ghost felt a bittersweet warmth bloom in his core. It was those little moments of thoughtfulness that made Wolf ... well, Wolf. Always thinking of others. Always putting them first. 

Then, Ghost immediately kicked himself for letting Wolf turn the concern back onto him. Before Ghost could dwell on it, he heard Eido enter the shop. “I’m back!” she said somewhat cheerfully.

“Did you sleep?” Ghost asks. 

“I did,” Eido replies, “and I ... wow, that’s a lot of tonics.”

Ghost looks over to the crates of tonics Wolf had brewed in Eido’s absence and sighs. “Yeah... We got a few new ones, I think.” Eido approaches the table and gently motions towards the tablet where he had been taking notes. “May I?” she asks.

Wolf nods and hands it off to Eido, who looks it over. After a few minutes, she looks back up at the Hunter. “Think we can try something?”

Wolf nods again as Eido hands him back the tablet. “What do you need me to do?”

Chapter Text

All I want is to see you smile

If it takes just a little while

I know you don't believe that it's true

I never meant any harm to you

~ Fleetwood Mac, “Don’t Stop”

Wolf’s entire body is aching from exertion. His side throbs from where a Raider’s crossbow bolt had torn right through him. Blood drips from the wound, soaking his greaves, boots, and the hard ground below.

He thinks Ghost shouts at him to get to safety, that he needed healing, but he can’t. Not yet. There’s too many hostiles on the field. He can’t put Ghost in danger.

A grenade arcs towards Wolf’s position and he dives out of the way with a curse as his cover is quite literally blown. His side screams and his vision starts to swim and darken. He’s losing too much blood. Wolf drags himself towards more debris and grips his wound tightly.

Ithurtsithurtsithurts!

Wolf grits his teeth and forces down several deep breaths, each one rattling his lungs more painfully than the last.

“Wolf!” Ghost sounds desperate now, and guilt starts to swell inside of the Hunter before he quickly pushes it down.

“It’s...” Wolf coughs and blood splatters the inside of his helmet. “It’s too dangerous!”

He can feel his body shutting down, the pain overriding every sense in his body, but he can’t. He can’t . Bullets fly around him. Any second now, they’ll throw another grenade to try and force him back out of cover. With his body failing him, there won’t be much else he can do. And then there will be no one protecting the precious notes and equipment that could hold the key to saving Misraaks. 

He can’t fail. Not again. Never again. 

The pain in his side intensified and Wolf’s heartbeat continued to thunder. He closed his eyes and latched onto that pain. He tightened his grip around the wound and could feel his focus following suit.

He could feel. He was still here. Still alive. And he had a job to do.

Wolf let out a cry of rage and pain as he threw himself over the debris. Arc light sparked to life in his hands, forming a long dagger, and he hurled it into the center of the approaching Scorn. The creatures screamed as electricity coursed through them. Wolf stepped forward and vanished, flickering back into existence where the dagger landed in the blink of an eye and swung the blade, cutting through any Scorn that survived the initial attack.

Meanwhile, his vitals continue to plummet.

Throw.

Step. 

Blink.

More Scorn die, either screaming or using their final moments to try and take out their killer.

Step.

Blink.

Silence. 

The only thing Wolf can hear is the sound of his blood rushing through his head, what little he has left, anyway. He can hear Ghost screaming at him through their mental link, a mixture of pleading and directing every insult the little robot can think of towards the Hunter’s intelligence. 

Wolf doesn’t know when he winds up on his knees. He feels sick to his stomach. He feels lead filling his limbs.

“That’s it!” Ghost snaps. “I’m coming out, whether you like it or not!”

“No...” Wolf coughs. “Too dangerous...”

“Wolf, listen to your damn Ghost!” Wolf winces, having forgotten that Crow was running dispatch. “The remaining Scorn are retreating, you can relax.”

Retreating. Not dead. Retreating. 

That’s not good enough.

Wolf forces himself to his feet and stumbles towards the mobile research lab, which had thankfully been spared the onslaught. He hears Ghost phase into existence next to him. He feels the pain start to fade away, the dizziness begins to dissipate, Light flooding him and healing his wounds.

Then he hears it. The bone chilling sound of an approaching Screeb. 

Wolf’s head snaps towards the noise and sees not one, not two, but three of the damn things approaching the...

No!

If Wolf were thinking clearly, he would have used one of his Strand darts or Stasis shurikens to kill one of the approaching Screebs, detonating it and thus causing a chain reaction that would kill the others before they got close enough to the research to do any real damage.

Wolf wasn’t thinking clearly. He wasn’t thinking logically. 

He grabbed Ghost with one hand and readied a grappling dart with the other. He threw Ghost in one direction and the dart right into the path of the Screeb. Ghost screamed his name as Wolf propelled himself towards the creatures–

And gasps back to life.

Wolf bolts upright and quickly looks around, trying to get a handle on his surroundings. The research table is in one piece. The Light flooding Wolf’s body fades out and he looks over to see Ghost closing his shell. The Hunter lets out a breath that he doesn’t even realize he’s been holding. “Are you okay?” he asks anyway.

Ghost doesn’t respond, instead glaring at him. 

“What?”

Ghost just turns from side to side, mimicking a headshake. 

“Okay, that’s the last of them,” Crow says, his voice strained. “For real this time. And I think we have everything we need. Right, Eido?”

“Y-yes,” Eido stammers out. “W-We do...”

Great. Now he’s gone and upset Eido too. Can he do anything right?

“How did we do?” Ghost asks.

“Interesting results. But I’m not sure this is what we’re looking for.” Wolf feels his heart sink before Eido quickly adds, “This data is valuable for future research, though!”

“Are you speaking with the Guardian?”

Wolf bites back a curse. Busted...

“Yes, Father,” Eido replies carefully. “They just finished a valuable experiment.”

Misraaks cuts her off, his voice deepening into a harsh growl. “You are wasting his time! The Guardian should be scouring the system for Fikrul! Not hunting down dead ends.”

Wolf speaks up at the same time as Eido. “It’s fine, I offered to go.”

“Father, he volunteered. It’s okay, he wants to help you. I think–”

“SHUT UP! I did not ask your opinion!”

The comms go silent. This time, Wolf cannot stop the silent curse that escapes his lips as Eido chokes back a sob. Even Crow is stunned into silence. 

Wolf quickly gathers himself. “Misraakskel, please don’t take this out on Eido. This was my idea, not hers.”

Misraaks doesn’t seem to hear him. “Guardian, release me from the grip of these machines!” he roars. “Free me from this mechanical bondage so that I might visit my WRATH upon the false Kell! Release me!”

“Misraaks!” 

Crow’s voice, short and firm, seems to snap Misraaks out of it. “Release... Me...” The Kell of Light takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I... I’m... Eido, I...”

“I know, I know.” Eido sounds like she’s barely holding back tears. “You just– You need to rest. Just rest.”

“I... I’m... I’m sorry.”

The line goes completely dead for a moment. No Misraaks. No Eido.

“Crow, can you...” Wolf’s voice trails off.

Crow instantly understands. “I’ll take care of her,” he says. “Hurry back.”

“Copy that...” Wolf sighs. 

“And Wolf? There are much more efficient ways to take out Screebs. Just saying. See you soon.”

Wolf winces. As friendly as Crow sounded just now, he can’t help but think that a conversation is going to be happening, one he’s not entirely ready for.

Though judging by the way Ghost’s gaze is burning into Wolf, Crow is about to be the least of Wolf’s worries.

Chapter Text

And I find it kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had

~ Tears for Fears, “Mad World”

Ghost is thankful he had the foresight to mute his comms otherwise Crow and Eido would have heard him every expletive in his expansive vocabulary as Wolf quite literally got himself blown to pieces. 

He did his job. He brought his Guardian back to life and healed him. He even managed to hold his metaphorical tongue until he and Wolf were safely aboard the jumpship.

But he is upset. No, he's furious. And he can’t hold it in any longer. 

Wolf, who had gone silent with the comms channel, immediately goes for his headphones. 

Oh hell no.

Ghost immediately darts between Wolf and the backpack. “What the hell was that?” he shouts. 

Wolf draws his hand back a bit and raises an eyebrow. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Ghost reiterates loudly. “You could have used a dart or a shuriken or, hell, you could have shot those Screebs! So why did you decide to use yourself as a projectile?”

Wolf has the audacity to look irritated. “Does it matter? It worked, didn’t it? And we’re both still here! I was trying to save you and the research, Ghost!”

“ I was never in any danger! Even if I was, there’s this little thing called phasing!” Ghost can’t help but let the sarcasm drip in his voice. “And the Screeb wouldn’t have damaged the research as long as you detonated them right where they were!”

“I did!”

“By blowing yourself up? That’s really smart!”

Wolf's voice begins to raise. “I knew I’d be fine, Ghost! Why is this upsetting you so much anyway? It’s not like I’ve never gotten killed before!”

“That’s not the point!”

“Then what is?”

“I don’t like watching you die, Wolf!” 

Wolf stares at Ghost, eyes wide and mouth agape.

Ghost takes a moment to gather himself, then continues.

“I don’t like watching you die, Wolf. Especially like the way you did, throwing yourself into danger when there wasn’t a need! You’ve been doing that a lot lately and I know I can bring you back but what if something happens and I can’t? What if you die for good? I can’t do that, Wolf! I just can’t!” Ghost’s voice breaks and the fight leaves him. Wolf deflates and goes silent. For a moment, Ghost swears he sees tears in the Hunter’s eyes. Then, Wolf slowly holds out his hand and Ghost moves to hover over it. 

“I’m sorry,” Wolf says quietly. “I ... I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t,” Ghost sighs. “I just… I worry about you, you know?”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“I’d be a terrible Ghost if I didn’t.”

“Still...” Wolf’s voice trails off and he shakes his head. “You know I appreciate you, right?”

“Of course. I never thought otherwise.” Ghost gives Wolf a quick scan before backing off a bit. “You are ... completely covered in blood and screeb juice. I bet you stink.” Wolf chuckles and Ghost can’t help but smile himself. Wolf looks at his armor and gear and shakes his head.

“Yeah, I should probably get cleaned up before we get back to Earth.”

“And after that, you’re taking a nap. You have bags under your eyes.”

“Yeah, yeah, I will.” Wolf waves him away good naturedly 

Ghost laughs. “What would you do without me?”

Wolf stops, briefly frozen, and Ghost immediately kicks himself. Then, the Hunter turns his head towards his companion, a tight smile on his face. “No idea, buddy. No idea.”

So far, damage control was going relatively smoothly. Wolf was able to get Ghost off of his case without much of a fuss, which was arguably the hardest part. Now, he just had to convince the Vanguard that he was perfectly fine, that he just had a moment of stupidity. He wasn’t thinking. He had a moment. It won’t happen again. He doesn’t need a break or a shrink or anything like that. He’s perfectly fine. He’s just an idiot, is all. Just an idiot.

Thankfully, Wolf had time to take a quick shower before reporting to Crow. There was only so much a few emergency wipes and a change of clothes could do to clean him up. He spent way more time on his appearance than he had as of late. It’s vital that he looks as put together as possible. He can’t look weak. Not now, not never. (What is he even worried about anyway? Why is he so afraid if he has nothing to hide?)

Ghost hovers near his shoulder, not saying a word but keeping an almost protective eye on him

What would I do without you? Wolf thinks bitterly. He remembers the pain in his core, like someone had hollowed him out, like a part of him had died with Ghost in the Pale Heart. That pain had yet to truly fade, a constant reminder of how he couldn’t save Ghost, of how he had failed yet again. Cayde gave both of them a second chance with his sacrifice. Wolf knows he can’t live with himself if he wasted it.

That’s why he did what he did. Because he is supposed to protect Ghost with his life. He just ... took it a little too literally that time. 

Something tells Wolf that that explanation wouldn’t go the way he originally thought it would... What’s the big deal anyway? He did what he had to do and it was the right thing to do. The only thing he did wrong was upset everyone. 

Maybe he’s overthinking it. Maybe it won’t even come up. He’ll just go in, make his report, and get the hell out. That’s it. Get in, report, get out. 

No questions asked. 

Wolf takes a deep breath, puts on his headphones and his hood, exits his apartment. He keeps his head down, loses himself in the music, and allows himself to disappear.

It’s nice.

Wolf finds Crow at the hangar. He explains the situation, explains what he found, and has Ghost send the report to Glint. 

He tries to leave.

“Hey, Wolf? Hold on a sec,” Crow calls after him.

Wolf stops. 

He turns around to face Crow. “Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

Damn.

“I’m fine,” he replies. “Why do you ask?”

Crow raises an eyebrow, as if the answer is obvious.

Wolf sighs. “I know, I know, it was stupid. I wasn’t thinking. Blood loss, you know? Messes with the brain.”

Crow narrows his eyes. “Right...”

“Wolf, you know you can talk to me, right? About how you’re feeling? You’ve been through a lot this past year.”

Crow, can’t you just worry about yourself for once?

“I know, and I appreciate it.”

“I just ... You’ve been there through it all. You’ve been a big help and an even bigger support. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself too.”

Wolf feels Ghost’s gaze burning into him like a beam of solar light. “Don’t worry about me,” he says. “I’ll be fine.”

“Wolf...” Crow’s voice gains an edge.

“Crow,” Light, Wolf hates how desperate his voice sounds. “I can handle this. Finding a cure for Misraaks, finding Fikrul, and protecting the City? Trust me, it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

Crow stares at Wolf for a long moment. His nostrils flare slightly, and Wolf can see the gears turning in the Hunter Vanguard’s head. 

He doesn’t believe me. He’s going to think I’m weak. He’s going to take me off missions. 

“Wolf...” Crow sighs and shakes his head. “I do trust you, but you’re not alone. You don’t have to handle all of this alone.”

“I know,” Wolf replies, relieved.

“Okay. As long as we’re on the same page. Just ... don’t do it again, yeah?”

“Of course not. Ghost would transmat me off of a cliff.” 

“He’s right,” Ghost adds, voice cheerful yet strained. “I would.”

Crow nods at this, his lips twitching upward. “Fair enough. Now get out of here. You look like you could use a nap.”

Wolf laughs despite himself. “Hunter insomnia, am I right?”

Crow’s smile fades slightly, but he nods. “Right.”

Wolf gets out of there as quickly as he can (without making Crow worry again, of course), his heart beating in his chest. He throws his headphones on as quickly as he can and makes a beeline for his quarters.

Maybe a nap isn’t such a bad idea... He can’t keep relying on death for a dreamless rest after all.