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“Hey, Jeoff, who's that guy again? The one who always follows Flash around? Flash Jr.? Flash Boy? Speedy?”
“No, no, Frank, it's Kid Flash. Speedy is Green Arrow’s sidekick.”
“That makes, like, zero sense, dude. I thought her name was Arsenal?”
“No, Arsenal was Arrow's sidekick. Two different people.”
“Are you sure? cause they have the same get up…”
“I'm sure, Frank. They're coats are the same color sure but they're completely different. It's like saying Hood, Arrow and Green Arrow are the same guy because they have similar names and/or stichicks and they all like the color green.”
“Okay okay, Jeoff, I get your point…”
“Wait, now I'm confused. I thought Arsenal was the guy with the helmet?”
“No, Sam, that's Spartan.”
“Spartan? Really? Then, who's that guy with the hockey mask?”
“Uh, Goalie-Man?”
“Ah, of course!”
“No, no, don't be stupid. That’s Wild Dog. Look at the shirt he wears, dumb ass.”
“Well, excuse me if I think Goalie-Man makes more sense.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Back up a minute. Wild Dog? I thought the name was Wild Cat?”
“That's a different guy, genius. Wild Cat is the vigilante from back in the day, way before The Hood or anyone else showed up.”
“Well, that's just confusing…”
“Can the hockey team sue him for using the name Wild Dog?”
“Don't think so, because Mr. Terrific copied the wrestler's name and they're breaking the law anyway with vigilantism so I don't think it matters too much anyway.”
“Okay, now which one is Mr. Terrific?”
“The one with the T shaped mask and the Fair Play jacket, Sam.”
“Oh yeah, that's right…how the fuck does that mask stay on?”
“Hell if I know. I stopped questioning the logic when the aliens from different dimensions started showing up.”
“Uh, which ones are those now?”
“Supergirl for a start…”
“Wait, wait, I thought Supergirl was the blonde woman in white? You know the one with the bo staff?”
“Nah, that's White Canary. Supergirl has the S on her chest.”
“She the one with the skirt?”
“Yeah, that's right. And White Canary has the bow staff.”
“I thought it was Black Canary?”
“Not much of a superhero know-it-all after all, are we Jeoff? Black Canary is someone else.”
“I'm sorry, Sam, but it's confusing as hell to have two different people with similar names! Why do they need a Black and a White Canary? And a Wild Dog and a Wild Cat. And an Arrow and a Green Arrow. There's only so much I can remember! It's insane!”
“I dunno. Maybe they're related or something. Cousins or sisters maybe…probably twins?”
“Do you think Green Arrow was related to Arrow too?”
“Hey, yeah that could explain the similar names and everything. Maybe they were brothers too!”
“What about the Hood?”
“Guess he coulda been their father?”
“Nah, they gotta be in the same age bracket, there ain't no way!”
“Oh this is confusing…”
“You know what's real confusing? The amount of these guys that were rogues once. I mean, you got Heatwave, you got Killer Frost…”
“Heatwave isn't a vigilante, it's the name of a novel by Rebecca Silver.”
“And it's not Killer Frost, it's just Frost.”
“It used to be Killer Frost though, that's what I'm saying. And the novel Heatwaves is a nod to Heatwave’s supervillain name obviously. Didn't you see the live stream from the comic con? Mick Rory, aka Heatwave is Rebecca Silver.”
“That has to be the most ridiculous crap I have ever heard.”
“Fine. Don't believe me, but it's true.”
“Why would a supervillain write a shitty fantasy romance novel?”
“How should I know? Maybe he got bored one day and decided to go for it.”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“New question. Which one is Vibe?”
“He's the one with the portal thingy ain't he?”
“Yes. That is correct.”
“He ain't the burning man?”
“Which one?”
“I mean his name is Firestorm either way so…”
“Wait there's two burning mans?”
“Yes, Frank.”
“Wow. Okay. Then, if they're Firestorm and Vibe is portal guy, then what's with the old guy? The fast one with the wings on his helmet? What's his deal?”
“I think he was the father of that Other Flash, the younger one who also had a wing helmet.”
“I'm sorry, Sam, but which one is this again? I don't remember him.”
“He showed up that one time when normal Flash took a vacation or whatever. He tried to fight Geomancer and got his ass handed to him.”
“Uh, was this before or after Zoom beat the living hell outta normal Flash?”
“Wait, who's Zoom again? He that one with the yellow suit?”
“I thought we established that was Kid Flash?”
“No, there's a different guy in a yellow suit, Frank.”
“What? Seriously??”
“Jesus Christ. Sam, you're thinking of Reverse Flash. Zoom is the guy in the black suit with the blue lightning and demon voice.”
“Hold on, Jeoff, I'm trying to write all this down! Let's see. We got Reverse Flash, Kid Flash, Old Flash, New Flash, and Flash-Flash…."
“Don't forget Impulse Flash.”
“Who's he again?”
“I don't remember him doing anything important. He just kinda showed up that one time for a minute.”
“Okay. So Impulse… what about the girl Flash? Where's she fit into a ll this?”
“Which girl Flash we talkin’ about? There's like two of ‘em…”
“Yeah, there's Jesse Quick and there's XS…”
“For fuck’s sake!”