Work Text:
Naruto has reached the point of touch starvation that he feels nauseated whenever contact is made with an intent that isn't to kill. Intent to kill feels safe now, it feels familiar, it's something he's grown up with. He knows in the back of his head it isn't normal to feel so comforted by a knife to the throat. He also knows that he will never be treated with a touch that isn't violent.
He was sure of it.
He was sure of it until Sasuke's ice cold exterior melted just enough that he wouldn't be against touch. He was sure of it until Kakashi's declarations of being proud of him included a pat on the back. He was sure of it until Sakura stopped being professional at the hospital and slipped into casual tenderness.
And every single time there was a brisk of gentle intent, he felt himself gag and recoil. He's not sure why, but he's also not sure how he's meant to stop himself from hating it. It's great, it's everything he could want. Some approval, some love, some care.
But his entire body rejects it in a way that's almost violent.
-/-/-/-
The first time was with Sakura.
She spent a moment too long sitting in a simple and pleasant silence as she rewrapped his arm like she did every month. A single light squeeze to his hand and he was ready to hurl on the spot.
The second time was with Sasuke.
They didn't touch often, when they did it was usually sparring. When Sasuke decided it was safe to rest a head on Naruto's shoulder Naruto did everything in his power to not wretch.
The third time was with Kakashi.
He came to Kakashi for touch though.
For comfort.
For contact.
Sure of himself that if it was from someone like Kakashi he wouldn't feel nauseated.
And fuck, was he ever wrong.
It only took two seconds of a hug before Naruto felt like he was being suffocated.
There was betrayal on Kakashi's face when Naruto shoved him back. Breathing heavy. Heart racing. It was just too much. Everything was too much unless they wanted him dead. Everything that wasn't hatred felt foreign on his skin in the worst way possible.
He swears he loves them. He swears he'd level mountains for them. He swears so many things on them and every day he doubts more and more with how badly he reacts to touch. The simplest of touches. Even fingers brushing as Sasuke hands him papers, or Sakura holding him down to keep him from struggling during a surgery, or Kakashi saying he's proud with a hand to the shoulder- all of it made him feeling fucking ill.
The worst part is that he still wants it.
And he wants it like he needs oxygen.