Chapter Text
In a world filled with different shades of gray, one person decided that by wiping away the blackness, everything would turn to light.
This was the best choice, since humans couldn't handle both; they couldn't see light and darkness coexisting in a starry night sky and dared to create shadows with their presence.
That person could have made everything right again, could have saved everyone who had the right to be saved.
But now, he was dead.
The agency was busy as usual, filled with all kinds of people trying to solve each other's problems. It was nothing new that the clients' problem simultaneously included how to plant tomatoes, the emergence of a new terrorist organization, a missing cat, and a file stolen from a protected computer.
Everyone was looking for an answer, for the problems that the world didn't even end with their existence. Wasting time, but at the same time.. this chaos was a source of peace.
Instead of crying for their lives, people were complaining about the price of services. And the rest really had enough energy to talk to these people and convince them.
People were at peace, the agency was at peace. This family was at peace.
And now, Sigma was a part of this family too.
"Hey, you! If you aren't busy fainting again, go help that lady!" Kunikida said, pointing out to woman who was searching for her cat. And well, Dazai was already there, flirting with her instead of even listening to her problem. Sigma thought it might be a better idea to help the lady instead of worrying about her cat.
"Yes, sorry!" They said, rushing over.
It had been about three months (three months and thirteen days, but Sigma certainly wasn't counting every single day. Except, yes, they were.) Little by little, they allowed themselves to know this strange place as their home.
Almost. They were still making progress.
"Umm.. Hello!" Sigma greeted the lady. By now, they had learned how to deal with Dazai's antics so that no problem would arise.
"No, I'm not interested in killing myse.. OH HI!" They were used to these answers. Now they could even prepare the answers in their minds and know what to do, for any situation.
And a separate folder had been registered for situations related to Dazai. (Both in their minds and in their notebook, because who knows when they might forget their detailed memories? There could be no mistakes at work!)
"Can you tell me more about your cat, ma'am?" Sigma said, waving a hello hand for Dazai while listening to her descriptions. Now, they knew what to do to satisfy both parties. They knew how to help clients without upsetting another colleague, especially Dazai. There was no need to overthink things like they did in the first days.
With Sigma's help, the work was finished quickly. Sigma estimated the cat's likely location, and Kyouka, who was on the same path as the lady, went to help her.
After getting a pleased nod from Kunikida, they turned to look at others and see what else they could do to help. All those capricious clients were there and Sigma already had all of possible interactions planed on their mind. It was no surprise that they were the strict blond man's favorite member.
Doing sundry stuff, they thought. Again. About everything. Tormenting themself.
Everything was peaceful and this was their home, and according to others, their presence made this tranquility even more significant. The people here.. were some sort of family. They definitely were, weren't they? Someone who thinks you are an extra person would not call you calming!
Their presence was necessary. The war and calamity were over. Everything was great, and they was there to make sure it went great as well. Not to be used, but to help.
Those times were gone. The Decay of Angels was defeated, and Sigma was living in their dream, they had somewhere to belong. They had a family. For the first time. And without a doubt, the time they had in their previous organization could not be counted!
They were here, helping people. Everyone was satisfied with them. They had everything they ever wanted. All their problems were over. Fyodor and Nikolai were gone.
Gone.
Sigma didn’t realize they had stopped walking until Atsushi gently tapped their shoulder.
“Um…” Atsushi said. “Are you having one of those information waves again?”
They turned back. "No No, of course not! Thanks for concern but I was just.. reaching out to...them?"
The person Sigma was referring to was an old woman who was asking for advice on planting potatoes. It seemed she was astonished to learn that potatoes do not thrive in salty soil, despite her regular consumption of salt in meals.
Atsushi looked at the direction they were pointing.
"Didn't know you were interested in farming too, but Kenji-kun has already told her how to do the stuff she wants to do."
"Oh. Glad to see this, then! Like.. yeah. Seeds. Growing. Amazing." Sigma regretted saying that as soon as the words left their mouth. Atsushi was silent for a while. They said nothing.
Such moments happened quite often. Atsushi could understand. Perhaps not completely, since no one could truly grasp Sigma's feelings when they themselves couldn't comprehend them, but he did his best. And Sigma was genuinely grateful.
He was a good and responsible colleague, and perhaps even a good friend... Whatever he was, it didn't matter. What mattered was that they understood each other and didn’t bombard one another with three hundred thousand questions. Both sides knew that the other harbored emotions more complex than what they displayed, and they recognized that sometimes silence was a suitable response. Other times, it wasn’t. They had spoken and remained silent at times like this, standing together in quietude, and Sigma really didn’t mind it at all.
And this time, was not the turn of silence.
"Well... Ranpo-san told me to let you know that he needs to talk to you after your shift at the agency today."
The words that Atsushi suddenly said were the last thing Sigma expected. Ranpo? What could he possibly want with them?
If it was because they still suspected them of being a member of Decay of the Angel and secretly working for them, that would be totally ridiculous. Kunikida-san had investigated this matter repeatedly from the very beginning; if they still doubted them, it would be truly unfair. They had done nothing wrong. Unless...
Something had happened? Some new information? About the organization? About Nikolai?
About Fyodor?
It seemed as though they were deep in thought while processing a lot of information, and their expressions were revealing something, as Atsushi was staring at them intently.
"Sigma-san...?"
"Oh. Yes. I understand. So.., what you’re talking about, what does it relate to..?"
"I'm not exactly sure," he replied, quickly adding, "But I can say that Dazai-san had a conversation with him beforehand. So... it's probably something.. um, significant? If someone wanted to nag to you, they wouldn’t go through all this trouble. In a way... I think it might be important news." Atsushi said this and then stood firmly, as if expecting Sigma to pass out from the implications of news about Decay of the Angel. Amazing.
Well, perhaps this had happened before once—maybe twice, three, or even four times, maybe even a few times more. But they weren’t goning to faint every time they heard something about their former colleagues! Hey, the memories of Dostoevsky weren’t that overwhelming! They were just long. Extremely. Nothing else.
The two-toned person sighed. His concern was understandable, but wasn’t this sudden overly cautious behavior a bit excessive? After all, Atsushi was supposed to be the one that didn’t make a fuss.
After Sigma reassured the worried boy, saying, "No, it's fine. I'll get to it after work," and "No, nothing new is coming to me; my mind is completely my own," and "No, don't worry. I'm not going to read a useless book about agency protocols and memories it all again, i can clearly remember what happened last time,"
They finally managed to be alone. Oh man.
It seemed that even these people could be really clingy while having genuine concern.
And finally, the time had come. After several exhausting hours of work, which oddly they wanted to finish it in a millisecond while also wishing it would last forever, things ended.
The agency was quiet. Ranpo-San was in one of the back rooms, one of the places where members usually held meetings.
In the past few months, they had tried their best to avoid this topic. Yes, the organization that once truly made them feel a sense of belonging had fallen apart. So what?
They had no idea what had happened after their group's defeat. They didn't know if the others were alive or not or how things were going. But that didn't matter. Anyway, the plans had definitely failed, and they could be happy in their new home. No. Their first home.
Memories of the past hunted them. Literally hunted them down. It wasn't just the longing they felt; no. What often spun in their mind were his memories.
Someone who never acted without reason, whose every decision was delicately planned, had chosen to transfer his entire life to them.
Sigma still didn't know how to feel about this decision. They were important, yes, but... why couldn't Fyodor leave them alone?
Was it the sheer number of them? The long pictures of all of Dostoevsky's years? Was that why they rushed in at the slightest hint from the others, wrapping around him like a cold fog?
No, no matter how much Sigma wanted to convince themselves otherwise, they couldn't. They could completely control their ability. They had to be able to. But images kept returning.
Sigma knew they at least had a little control. Since they never saw anything significant, because they didn't want to. They had successfully blocked out every single important thing in Dostoevsky's life, leaving the ordinary (as ordinary as his life could be) and useless parts of his life for Sigma to see.
And each time, they tried to pull them toward that one part they didn't want to step into at all. The deeper part of the story. The vault of secrets. The place where everything began, the very start. That first life that had shaped Dostoevsky. Fyodor.
The scary part was that Sigma couldn't understand it was them who was curious to see those, or Fyodor himself, just trying to guide them to that specific path. The idea itself was silly since he couldn't just jump in minds and play with them, but this exactly was the definition of what he had done several times. They weren't sure anymore about anything.
But now it was time to go talk with Ranpo.
They moved forward, and the sound of their shoes clicking in the hallway echoed. They had never heard that sound so clearly before. It was as if now, expecting an answer to their questions from someone outside, they no longer had to chase their thoughts in their minds, and their senses had sharpened.
They could hear the creaking of some floorboards. Not all of them. They had noticed that the agency's floor usually didn't make much noise, even with the building being old. It seemed the members were aware of this, except for a few specific spots. Maybe those spots were just there to make it easier to identify when someone else was sneaking in, or maybe they were just random areas of the floor, and they were overthinking it. But surely, the thought that at this particular moment, their footsteps sounded louder than ever before couldn't just be a figment of their imagination.
They arrived and opened the door. A brown-haired detective was sitting in a chair, holding a pack of chocolates and eating. Sigma thought that Belochka chocolate could taste better. Had they ever tried this chocolate? No.
The detective turned in his seat and looked at Sigma, his green eyes widening slightly. "Hello! Want some?" He offered candy.
"Not really, i-"
"No, no, that was a trick question! You're smart. How do you think I would let go of my sweets?!" He said, swallowing another one while the other was sitting in front of him.
They both knew why they were there.
"Atsushi said you had something important to tell me."
They had their hands intertwined, but they were not playing with their fingers. Sigma was too nervous to act like how normal people would be when being nervous.
"Yes." Ranpo said, eating the final candy.
"Important." He repeated, throwing the empty bag to a trash can in the corner of the room. He failed to do so.
Sigma cleared their throat. "Is it about.."
"Fyodor is dead." He said.
And these were the last words they heard before they leaned to left and fell off their chair. Ranpo knew this was going to happen, which is why Kenji was already prepared to come out of shadows and catch them. If they had been a bit more attentive, they definitely would have noticed him.
"They'll be okay, right?" The little farmer boy asked.
The detective muttered something under his breath, getting up to actually throw the bag that had fallen on the floor into trash can this time. Then, left the room.
"How come the floorboards are so smooth to walk on today? Did someone do repairs?" Those were the only words Kenji received in response.
They knew this was going to happen eventually. They knew they would hear this eventually.
They knew that this news was inevitable and would eventually reach them. They didn’t know how, but they knew. And now the time had come.
As they floated among the bubbles of their deceased friend’s life, they moved forward. Dead. Dead. The death of the one and only person who wasn’t supposed to die.
Sigma had a feeling. They knew they had a feeling. A strange feeling, a heavy feeling, one that wrapped around them like the softest thorns in the world, but still thorns. They couldn’t put a name to it.
What did Fyodor himself would feel about it? Sigma didn’t know. But based on the few memories they had observed, even though they were the most superficial things, they didn’t sense any strong negativity.
They didn’t think Fyodor was terrified by the idea of dying.
...Maybe even the opposite..
So they moved forward, passing through those superficial memories. They were heading to a place they should have reached long ago. Finally, they pressed on, allowing familiar sounds to draw them toward the furthest doors possible—into the depths.
They were going to uncover the truth.
Fyodor was dead, and Sigma was meant to understand the truth. His true life. His past. Everything about him. Anything that was connected to him.
And perhaps even everything about themselves that existed there, or at least the person they used to be—the one Fyodor remembered.