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Being with Simon, I discover, is intoxicating. After our confessions to each other, things had started going so fast., of course we told Janae first. Janae just patted us on the shoulders, and told us she was proud of us for figuring it out.
And true to her own word, that following Monday she had walked up to Maeve and striked a conversation, and she proudly announced a week later that they would be going on a date that weekend. Me and Simon spend nearly every moment we can together, most days we’re at his place, with him doing his thing and myself doing my thing. It’s peaceful, and just perfect.
Thanksgiving is in three days, and Simon is in a foul mood. We sit in English class, and the teacher tells us it’s a free day to work on our end of semester project, since it’s the last day before we start our school break. Simon has been on edge all morning, since he’d picked me up for school, but he’d insisted he was fine.
“Are you sure you're okay?” I tap his hand and snap him out of his thoughts, and he whips his head at me.
“I’m literally fine Y/N.” I throw my hands up in mock defense.
“Okay, well I’ve been asking you something and you’ve been all zombie mode.” He breaks a bit, a little peek of a smile starting to form, but in seconds it’s gone. “Okay but like seriously Simon, you look upset and I’m getting worried.” I try to sound as light as possible, and it seems to work as he takes a deep breath before looking at me again.
“I just really hate the holidays, everyone is so fake about everything, especially my mom. She throws this huge party and parades me, my dad, and our house to everyone. She expects me to be perfect the whole time, and gets all pissed when I do one thing that doesn’t fit her standards. I really, really wish I could just go anywhere else for the holidays.” His speech makes my stomach drop, over the last few weeks I’ve learned more about his mother. More so that she cared so much for her image, and Simon believed her image meant more to her than he did, seeing as she never truly made time to know him.
“‘M sorry, that does sound horrible. I’d dread it too.” I would, but there is something else on my mind too over this holiday. This would be the first time in my life I wouldn’t have my parents there. “If it helps, I’m dreading Thanksgiving too. We aren’t even having dinner, my brother took the holiday shift for the extra pay so I’m alone all day.”
It was something I dreaded, Janae was going to be spending the day between her house and Meave’s so I wouldn’t be able to have her as company. And Simon of course had his mother’s party.
“I just wish I could spend it with you.” He says it looking at me, I smile at him and nod along.
“I wish we could too, but you have family obligations. I wouldn’t want to tear you away from that. I mean if anything you could ask your mom if you could bring me with you?” He grimaces at the idea, clear across his face and shakes his head.
“No way, because if I take you everyone will just want to know everything. I’m not going to be parading you around, not a shot. The parties already bad enough, that would make it a thousand times worse.” It warms me that he cares so much about me.
“Okay, well if you change your mind just call me okay? Cause I literally have no plans.” I laugh, and our class is over, we wave goodbye until lunch.
My next class is another free period, I find myself sitting there bored as my phone vibrates, it’s Simon.
‘Maybe I could try to ditch my moms party, then I could go to your place and we can do something.’ I laugh, he’s trying so hard to find a reason to ditch this thing.
‘We can’t, your mom would be furious. And what would we even do? I’m not some master chef, I’m not making some world class dinner.’
‘I’m not saying you’d have to cook anything, we could just hang out. Do whatever we want for a whole day.’ His response is immediate.
‘We can hang out this weekend, after the party too. Please don’t stress too hard over it.’
He doesn’t respond after that, after class is over I stroll over to what has become our table and find Janae and Maeve already there.
“Hello ladies.” I greet them, they wave at me as I sit down.
“Hey, what's up Simon ass. He was so grouchy last period.” Janae asks.
“He’s just a little stressed about the holiday.” I shrug back, I see Simon approaching and give Janae a clear look to signal this conversation can happen later.
As Simon sits she decides to open another can of worms. “Well, how are you feeling about the holiday Y/N?”
“What do you mean?” I don’t know what angle she’s working at here.
“Well, isn’t this the first Thanksgiving without your mom.” I feel pale, the mention of her putting me off.
“It’s fine, we haven’t heard from her, and that's for the best.” The relationship I and my mother have is rocky to be nice. “I wouldn’t want her here anyway, she’d find a way to ruin it all.” I say after aggressively stabbing my food.
The table is awkward for a moment until Maeve starts talking about something to Simon, I’m thankful that the attention is off of me. Maeve and Janae run off at some point to go get something sweet, leaving me and Simon.
“Are you okay?” This time it’s Simon who’s asking.
“I’m fine, I really am.” He doesn’t seem content with my answer. “You're not the only one who’s going to be having a hard holiday is all.”
“Yeah, how so?” He’s close to me, whispering it.
“I’m just going to feel alone, my friends are doing stuff of their own, and my boyfriend has some stupid party to attend. All day I’ll be by myself.” I whisper back, the truth is I am upset neither of my parents have reached out. Simon just nods, and leans in closer, so close I could easily move in and kiss him.
“I’ll find a way out of this party okay? I promise.” He’s holding my hand under the table, and I can see the pure determination on his face. The declaration makes my head spin, and when I lean back to get more space I spot Janae and Meave coming over, as they plop down in their previous seats the conversation goes back to normal.
Simon still holds my hand under the table, occasionally running his thumb over my knuckle. After lunch I don’t see Simon until school is over, where I beat him to his car, while I wait for him I lean against the passenger side and scroll my phone. I see him before he sees me, he’s talking to the blonde football player, I think his name is Jake. Their conversation doesn’t last long before he turns away from the blonde, I immediately turn back to my phone so he doesn't know that I was watching them.
“Hey.” He still sounds out of it, and I wave at him. “Do you care if we just go to your place? I don’t really want to go home yet.”
“Yeah, of course Simon.” I’d do anything to help Simon get out of this mood. When we get to the apartment he goes straight to my room and falls onto my bed. I just laugh at him as I feed the cats, then join him on the bed. Unlike Simon's bed mine is small, another thing nicer about his house. On his bed there is enough room for both of us to lay and still be apart, on my bed it’s just big enough for the two of us, but it leaves us shoulder to shoulder.
I lay down next to him and we both just lay there in silence for a while, I don’t really know how long it’s been when he speaks.
“Sometimes I just wish I could leave everything behind.” The sentence breaks my heart, it steals the breath from my lungs, like a nasty gut punch. I turn to my side and look at him, his eyes are closed and his breathing is even, it’s almost like he didn’t say anything at all but I know what I heard.
“Like how?” I whisper to him, and he opens his eyes.
“I don’t know, I just wish I could go away.” He whispers back. He turns his head to me then, and the look in his eyes is just sadness, another thing that breaks my heart. I rack my brain just trying to think what I can or even should say to him. Instead I prop myself on my one elbow, and lean kiss him.
He returns the kiss, we stay like that for a while. It’s Simon who breaks apart first, he looks up at me and scans my whole face.
“Why do you want to go away? If you need help Simon, I can try to help you.” He gets an emotional look on his face, his chin quivers just slightly.
“You already are helping Y/N, in more ways than you could know.” He’s so quiet I can barely hear him. I’m not satisfied with his answer, but prodding won’t do either of us very good.
“Okay, if you say so.” I say with a nod, I flop back down onto the bed, and this time Simon turns over on his side. He’d discarded his jacket when we got inside leaving him in one of his button ups.
Simon grabs my hand, I turn my head to him again and he’s giving me a look I can’t read. Simon gets up and kisses me again before I even know what's going on. This time it’s different than it just was, it’s heavier, more messy. He’s kissing me with everything he has, and I try to return it but I can’t keep up with him, his hands come up to my cheeks and somehow manages to get me closer to him.
It’s possibly the closest we’ve been since having gotten together a month ago, I can feel the heat radiating off of him as he’s practically on top of me. One of his hands goes to the back of my head and his fingers weave into my hair, the feeling is so euphoric and he’s everywhere, he breaks away but doesn’t stop. He’s traveling to my neck peppering kisses, then I feel his teeth against my neck, not hard but just enough to be felt. I feel like I’m hyperventilating, gasping and panting as he continues on my neck.
He goes to the other side, and it takes one bite right below my jaw bone and it happens. An embarrassing noise slips its way out of me, and I feel like I could die. Simon stops, but I can’t see him, I close my eyes tightly too scared of his reaction. But he doesn’t move, his head is resting against my neck, and I can feel his heavy breathing on my skin.
“‘M sorry, it just.” I pause to think of some excuse. “It just came out, I’m sorry.” I shut my eyes, my face feels like it’s on fire with the hot flush I feel. It’s then that I feel Simon move his face from my neck, I’m too scared to open my eyes. The flush intensifies when I feel something against my hip, and I know what it is immediately, it’s Simon.
I finally open my eyes to look up at him, and the look on his face is almost as nice as his kisses. He’s about as flushed as I feel, his face red, chest heaving, it’s like something straight out of one of the bodice rippers I’ve read. The feeling I get after seeing what I’ve done to him is like adrenaline, a pure rush through my whole body.
“Why are you sorry?” He says, he goes to say something else but it won’t come out. “That was the prettiest sound you’ve ever made, and you're sorry for that?”
If it were possible to be more flushed I would be, his words mixed with the way he’s looking down at me. No one has ever looked at me the way he is at this moment. I stare into his eyes for a moment, feeling emboldened. I lift myself to meet his lips, this time it’s more gentle and he follows as I put my head back down to the mattress. When we break apart the whole room feels hot, and Simon braces himself with his palms on either side of my head. This gives us more space between each other as he nearly towers above me.
I see it out of the corner of my eye, right below where he always tucks his shirt into his pants, a tent. I dart my eyes away from it the moment I see it and Simon jolts away from me like I’ve shocked him. He sits at the foot of my bed while I lay in the middle still, when I lean up on my elbows his back is turned to me. I can see the steady breathing in his shoulders, he really is pretty like this. When we’re alone and he lets himself relax, but even more so now. His elbows rest on his thighs, his head in his hands.
I slowly crawl over to sit crouch next to him on the bed. “Are you okay Simon?” His shoulders shake, and I’m terrified he might be crying.
But when he lifts his head he’s got a huge smile.
“Am I okay? You really do worry too much, I’m perfect.” He’s laughing at me, and I laugh with him. “You're insatiable.” I scoff at him.
“I’m insatiable? You’re the one who started it, kissing me all harshly and all over my neck. This is all your fault sir.” I joke back, it makes him laugh more. He takes my shoulders and flings me back on the bed with him, both of us laughing.
“Maybe this is all my fault, but I’m okay with that.”