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Percy stumbled down into the hall, leaning against the doorframe of Jason's room, who sat up on his bed, “my turn?”
”no” he shook his head “looks safe out there”
Jason nodded, looking up when Percy yawned “you okay?”
he shrugged “tired”
“You can sit down you know or like-“
Percy nearly fell onto the bed beside him, curling up with his knees to his chest, face hidden in his arms.
after a minute he looked up, and Jason tried to speak again.
“Why can’t we get a break-“
”are we friends?”
they spoke at the same time, and Jason understood what he was saying, neither of them had gotten any real sleep in days, they were traveling constantly before that, percy had been in tartarus for a lot of the time they’d spent on the quest.
Jason's question was more, nebulous, but with an easier answer (he hopes) were they friends? Was he someone Percy trusted? Was he really comfortable enough around him to sit with him and talk even when he was exhausted, was his company a good thing? Or was he just tired, just out of it like every other time they’d talked.
”yeah? Do you not want to be?”
he thought about that, did he want to be friends? Did he actually want to commit to that, instead of occasionally pretending Percy cared more than he did. Instead of pretending like he did with everyone.
none of them could really care that much, he was the second best, always the second best.
”I’d like to be friends”
”then we’re friends”
they both laughed for a moment, then percy got a strange look on his face “is friends a weird topic for you?”
he nodded.
—
They talked for a while, Percy explaining things that had happened before this, stories Jason had already heard, but hearing them from percy was so different that hearing them from people at camp halfblood.
At some point they had shifted from sitting on the edge of the bed to both laying down, a little closer than was probably supposed to be comfortable, but he thought it was fine, and Percy didn’t look bothered by it.
It was strange to him how many things he had heard about percy that just simply weren’t true, he wasn’t a fearless leader, he wasn’t the perfect person, not according to himself.
but still, this was the person everyone had said was better, friendlier, more capable, more accomplished.
he would never be percy, he would never be better like that.
He was always falling back into old habits, forgetting that it was his job to be perfect, even if he couldn’t be. Reminiscing too much, missing his family, wanting friends. He couldn’t do that, couldn’t be who he wanted to be. He had to be perfect, he had to be better.
He had to be like percy.
The clock in his room said it had been an hour, just an hour of being friends and Percy was laying with his arms folded under him, resting on top of Jason's chest, adding a comfortable pressure that reminded him of home.
“I wish I was like you” he mumbled, percy hadn’t spoken for a minute, maybe two.
Percy looked up, blinking like he was just waking up, or just falling asleep “why?”
“You're perfect” he was falling asleep too, couldn’t keep his eyes open for long.
Percy laughed, and Jason could feel him shaking from it. It reminded him of home, it all reminded him of home and it shouldn’t, he couldn’t let himself be anything but perfect but-
“i'm not perfect” percy was smiling at him, a smile he thought, for just a second -with his vision blurry and on about two hours sleep- looked like how percy looked at annabeth sometimes “i'm like, okay at best, you’re the one who’s perfect”
that was, not true, couldn't be true “how?”
“You’re like, the best of the best where you’re from”
a minute passed, thinking, just thinking, how could he be perfect, how could anyone think he was the best of the best.
How could anyone think that he was really perfect when the person they saw was all made up, when he was just a lie pretending to be a perfect soldier.
a lie pretending to be the perfect soldier, so that soldier wasn’t him, not really, that wasn’t him, it wasn’t him-
“that's not me” he mumbled, said it again clearer “that’s not me”
percy waited a few seconds before asking “just who everyone wants you to be?”
he nodded, and percy settled back down with his head resting on Jason's chest.
that reminded him of home, of the wolves.
”you shouldn't try to be what they think you are” percy muttered “makes you feel bad”
they conversation ended there, percy drifted off after a few minutes and Jason followed not long after.
—
“Hey have you seen-“ Jason startled awake, Annabeth was poking her head around the corner where the door was cracked open.
“Yeah?” He asked, realising now that he had a hand in percy's hair, and the other resting on his back.
annabeth shrugged “was wondering where percy was, haven’t seen him in a few hours”
Jason smiled awkwardly, gesturing to percy “right here”
She nodded, looking confused, but not angry, “alright, you… have fun I guess?”
she disappeared back into the hall, and Jason was left to wonder what was going on in his head, why was he not just relieved but happy that she wasn’t mad, why did he feel like he was home here, in a place he had never found homely at all.
Why was it only with Percy that he’s ever felt this way.
It was only after percy woke up and they’d spoken softly for a moment, and percy had gone to get something to eat, that he realised what he was feeling.
He thinks he might have a crush.