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“It's your turn to walk Ernest,” Ezreal mentions – oh so casually – as he walks behind the couch where Kayn is splayed on his way to the kitchen. His steps are normal, face totally straight, entire existence the picture of nonchalance... he's on his way to make hot cocoa and everyone should take his words at face value, duh.
“Bullshit,” Kayn grunts without even looking up. “I got him last night, Sett got him this morning, Phel got him after lunch.”
Damn.
“Mmm, just going off what the chart says.” He continues his walk to the kitchen, still nonchalant. In fact, no one has ever been less chalant than him. “Take it up with Yone I guess... after you walk Ernest.”
“Fat chance, pipsqueak.” Kayn slings an arm over the back of the couch so he can twist to roll his eyes – which makes him look stupid. “It's always been that order, you're next and you know it.”
Chalance begins to creep up on Ezreal, but he keeps his nose in the air as he flicks on the kettle and fishes around the cupboard for the hot cocoa packets.
“Well, we're all allowed to have our opinions.”
“Opin- ugh.” Kayn hauls himself up and rounds the corner of the couch, stalking toward the fridge where the chore chart is posted. “Look, it's right-”
Or, rather, where the chore chart is normally posted.
“Right what, Kayn?” Ezreal asks mildly, tearing open a cocoa packet.
Kayn's hand comes down on the counter in front of him, trapping the spoon Ezreal was just about to reach for. “You absolute goblin.”
“I don't know what you're talking about,” Ezreal sniffs, reaching over him to get the water from the kettle instead. “Would you mind moving your hand so I can stir my cocoa?”
The implicit threat of scalding water is enough to get Kayn to move – though not enough for him to stop scowling at the side of Ezreal's head.
“Just because the chart isn't here doesn't mean you don't still have to walk Ernest.”
“I'd be happy to walk Ernest if it was my turn,” Ezreal replies, once again cool as a cucumber, “but it's not.”
“Bullshit.” Kayn snatches the spoon up as Ezreal pours the hot water into the mug, effectively holding the cocoa process hostage, because he's a bully. “Don't play dumb...er than you are.”
Ezreal puts the kettle back down and finally turns to meet Kayn's taunting sneer over his mug of floating powder blobs.
“Can I have my spoon back?”
“Are you gonna walk Ernest?”
He rolls his eyes, licking his finger to get a tiny layer of protective spit, and jams it into the scalding water – swirling as fast as he can as the burning starts.
Kayn balks, because he's weak.
“What are you doing? ” He snags Ezreal by the wrist and yanks his fingers out, immediately tugging him to the sink to douse them with cold water. “Are you nuts? ”
“You had my spoon.” Ezreal shrugs extra-nonchalantly, trying to ignore both the wobble in his lip and the stinging in his finger.
“Don't cry, idiot-” Kayn growls, slowly switching the water to lukewarm. “Yone will blame me somehow.”
“Well it is your fault-”
“It abso-fucking-lutely is not my fault-” he scoffs, but his hands are gentle when he towels off Ezreal's. “There, not even burned, no thanks to you...”
“All I was trying to do was get my cocoa in peace.”
“Uh-huh, and avoid walking Ernest for some definitely not suspicious reason.” Kayn doesn't let go of his hand when he's done drying it, pulling it enough to force Ezreal to step into his space. “C'mon nerd, spill. You love walking Ernest, what's your deal?”
Kayn is so stupid when he looks concerned. Ezreal hates it. Hates that he's not yet immune to Kayn's wiles.
“Ugh, fine.” He flops forward against Kayn with a scowl, letting the man take his weight. “It's cold and dark and scary outside and I don't wanna go there by myself, even if Ernest is tough.”
He waits for the laughter at his expense.
“...that's it?” Kayn huffs, tucking his chin over Ezreal's head. “You should've just said.”
“What, so you can make fun of me for being scared of the dark?”
“No, idiot.” Kayn pushes him back and rolls his eyes before grabbing the mug of semi-stirred cocoa and dumping it into a questionably clean thermos on the counter. “So I can go with you.”
“But it's not your turn?”
Kayn rolls his eyes again as he tightens the cap and shakes the thermos, fixing Ezreal with the 'really, idiot?' look that he's perfected.
“No, but I'm not gonna let you go out there alone – you'd probably get so scared you'd piss yourself, and I'm on laundry duty tomorrow.”
“Gee, how sweet of you.”
“S'my specialty, sweetheart.” Kayn winks at him, bumping him with a hip. “Now go get the good boy and I'll grab our coats.”
Turns out the night is a lot less cold and scary when he's got an extra dog to walk.