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Charlie had been on the rooftop for about an hour now, and he had already downed an entire box of Marlboros. He had been trying not to think, especially not about his departure tomorrow. He didn’t want to think about the fact that tomorrow it’ll be the last day he’ll ever spend in Wellton, he doesn’t want to remember that after tomorrow he most likely won’t ever see any of his friends again.
He doesn’t want to think about Neil either. He can’t believe that they won’t ever go to parties together, that they won’t see each other’s sons grow. They’ll never talk again. They’ll never comfort each other, tell each other jokes or simply spend time together, alone, in comfortable silence. Now he’ll be forced to wander through life without one of his two best friends, reminded of his extinction every time something meaningful happens, not being able to share it with Neil.
He was weighing up the idea of going to his dorm for more cigarettes, when he saw a figure in the dark appear a few steps away. “Knoxie?”
“I thought I’d probably find you here” Knox answered, walking towards Charlie ”I also thought you might need one of these by this time” he added, offering a box of cigarettes.
“Knox, love, have I told you you’re an angel?” the Dalton boy replied, accepting the offer, while his boyfriend sat beside him, also giving him a coat. Charlie made himself in it, appreciating both gestures wondering what he had done to deserve a partner like Knox.
After all, he was a burden. He had always been the most problematic out of his friends, he had always brought more conflicts than solutions. At least he had never been an emotional burden. He made sure of that. He always appeared loosey, charming, and full of jokes. He made sure to never let any of his Friends see how much pain he carried, how behind that smirk he usually felt completely empty. Like a void. He felt that every single loveable aspect of him, every fun part, everything that made him pleasant to be around, was just a performance. He couldn’t bear the thought of being a duty for his friends to carry, he couldn’t stand the idea of people asking him what was wrong with him. He knew the words would get stuck in his throat and he would never be able to get them out. So, he faked. He faked and faked until no one could guess Charlie Dalton felt the hate in the words people would call him.
“Just to be clear, I’m only letting you smoke that number of cigarettes because this is your last night here” Knox got Charlie out of his mind. The Overstreet boy was sitting with his knees bent, hugging them with his arms. The Dalton boy had his legs crossed and was lying flat on his back while looking at the sky. “Ah, Knox. Why did you have to talk about that?” he said, with certain complaint, wishing the night to never end, to stay there with the love of his life until nothing was important at all.
“You know we have to talk about it” Knox insisted, handing Charlie a cigarette in a silent request to light it up. He did it, and Knox took a Deep drag out of it. “fine” Charlie accepted, knowing he couldn’t avoid it forever.
“What does your leave mean for us?” Knox asked, grief filling his voice, “well, my father will probably send me to another school, a much stricter one if I have to guess, and I won’t be allowed to see or talk to any of you again”. Charlie answered, with resignation and some anger in his voice. “Can’t we meet again after we graduate?” Knox asked, trying to find any alternative instead of giving up their love. “Maybe” Charlie answered, without any hope. “Though I don’t think it’ll be possible. None of our parents will want us to have any type of contact”
“So, this is it?” Knox said, not being able to assimilate the idea of never seeing the love of his life again. How could he ever love someone else? Charlie was more than anything he could have ever dreamed of. He was sweet, honest, loyal. He always noticed the smallest details about Knox: how he bit his lip during exams, how when he only smirked to a good joke it meant he was upset. He never let any of their friends go through anything alone, never stopped caring about them, not even when things got extremely hard. He always used to seek for Knox well-being, often putting him above his own needs. How could he ever love again after meeting someone that loveable?
“I don’t know” Charlie said, clearly upset now.
“I love you” the Dalton boy said abruptly. He felt that if he didn’t say it now, it’d vanish in time, like it never happened, and his boyfriend wouldn’t ever know how much he meant for him.
“I love you too” Knox responded, with hopelessness. They stood there for God knows how long, until he spoke again.
“Maybe I’ll see you at Christmas” Knox begun. Charlie didn’t understand where this was coming from, but he could picture it. They’re reunited at Knox’s house. Charlie has brought his wife and daughter and they’re celebrating with the Overstreets: Knox, his wife, and their two sons. Knox and Charlie look at each other’s eyes remembering everything they’ve gone through. The house is loud and messy but they don’t notice it, they’re mesmerized with the other.
“Maybe I’ll see you at new years” They’re at Charlie’s, they count the seconds ‘till the new year arrives and as it does, they Kiss their respective wives. They stare at each other the whole time, pretending they’re kissing passionately, instead of those women they don’t love.
“Maybe we’ll laugh like you never left when I see you again in two years” They’re at a bar, catching up with each other, but for a brief moment their eyes connect, and they know that in their hearts it hasn’t passed a single day.
“Maybe it all will be different” They talk but they don’t communicate. Knox is no longer flexible and doesn’t accept Charlie’s behavior. Charlie has lost complete direction in life and all ambitions. They look at each other and it’s like they don’t recognize.
“Or maybe your hair will be shorter”
“Or maybe we won’t even talk anymore when we’re older” Knox is at his place, with a glass of whiskey in his hand. He’s feeling dizzy and he wishes Charlie would be there to drink with him. He thinks about calling him, but he knows he won’t. Many years have passed and any chance of anything they could have had has gone. He wonders how they let it happen before falling asleep on his couch.
“I’ll be missing you every minute you aren’t here”
“The future isn’t clear”
“Maybe all we have is maybe”
“Maybe I’ll, I’ll see you again”
“Maybe all we have is maybe”
“Maybe I’ll, this is not the end”
“Maybe one day I’ll get married, and you’ll be my man of honor” Charlie witnesses a beautiful wedding. Knox is standing on the altar, a smile on his face, which Charlie doesn’t dare guess if it’s real or not. The couple accepts the union and it’s done. Knox is now officially a married man, and Charlie was part of the process. He feels like leaving, he can’t tolerate seeing the love of his life with another person, and dozens of people celebrating them, but he has to stay there, for Knox. He knows he needs him there.
“And durin’ your toast you’ll make everyone cry and I’ll finally see tears from my father” He stands in the middle of the salon, with a microphone and a cup of champagne. He talks about how the couple met; he knows everything about it. He tells a few jokes, that’s what he does best. But he also talks about all the good and beautiful things about Knox. And he does it with so much emotion that everyone in the room can feel it. A single tear falls from Mr. Overstreet's eye. He looks at Knox and his loving look directed at him and wishes to be able to talk about all the nights they spent together, all the kisses and talks they shared. But he can’t, he knows he can’t
“Maybe our kids will be best friends, we’ll live down the street from each other” Charlie returns home after a long day at the bank, and the first thing he sees is his son playing with the Overstreet boy. They’re inseparable, just like their fathers at their age. He lets himself get lost in the memories for just a second, to revive everything they’ve lived together, to dream for just a moment of what they could have had in another life.
“And maybe I’ll smile ‘cause your son smiles like his father” Oh that smile. Knox Can’t believe how much alike Charlie and his kid look. Seeing that smile is like turning years and years back in time. If only he could go back to that age and stay there forever, with absolutely no worries, just him and Charlie enjoying life together.
“Maybe all we have is maybe”
“Maybe I’ll, I’ll see you again”
“Maybe all we have is maybe”
“Maybe I’ll, this is not the end”
“And maybe it is and that’s okay”
…
Knox fell silent, while Charlie sat up straight. The Dalton boy took the Overstreet’s chin to make him look at him and they kissed, trying to express all the love they could, all their pent-up emotions. It felt like a goodbye kiss, but also a hopeful one. A ‘we’ll meet again’, one. When they finally broke apart, Overstreet asked “resume after graduation?”.
Charlie, who was already standing up to climb down to his dorm, answered with a sort of hopeful smile “Maybe”