Chapter Text
It had been a brooding hot day. The sun was blazing on the fields and meadows, the rare trees gifted small shadowy spaces that were well appreciated. The evening arrived with certain relief about the sinking temperature, that climbed during the days to a scarcely endurable maximum. The Rumbling had left large areas in rubble and ash and in the consequence hardly habitable (all thanks to the suicidal maniac) and so many refugees still lived in rudimentary camps for rebuilding was a long enduring task.
The rest of the population came in somewhat need together. The Allied Forces were a well appreciated help in the construction of new homes. Though prejudice towards the eldian people didn’t vanish with a single flip of the finger, many seemed eager to help one another. It was really a rebuilding and redemption project. It went on and on.
Fort Salta was their first refuge, but they abandoned it because the place had a kinda bad logistic. In their home country they were traitors; they couldn’t go back there though they would like to, at least the ones who grew up there. The traitorous status didn’t stop Mikasa – as if there was anything that would stop this woman – maybe they accepted it because she brought Eren home. Jeans pretty sure she’s under the protection of Queen Historia and nobody would want to mess with her or Mikasa, to be honest.
The others joined other refugees. Reinstalling peace. Cleaning up the aftermath and destruction. A new beginning.
A silent sigh left Jean’s lips as he gazed upon the sun which kissed the treetops of the nearby forest. It was over a year and a couple of months ago. They prevented the extermination of humanity beyond the walls and still way too many lost their lives. They had taken so many lives. It happened so much all at once or in short time, so wounds took even more time to close up. They would wear the scars for the rest of their lives. Jean was thankful that he had those scars. Was thankful for the memories that he’d love to keep. He wanted to remember. He wanted to keep Marco, Sasha, Hange and all the others in his head and heart. All those they had lost on the long way.
It seemed they received a pause. As if the fast moving pace of the recent events of war came to a sudden halt. As if they gained their own private universe of peace in their camp. It was not over. It would never be completely over. How so? Humanity was damn selfish, scared and hostile. But also hopeful and relieved. Jean couldn’t exclude himself.
They worked on it. With every day passing they worked towards construction of their camp that mutated to a small village if they kept going like that. They worked towards new beginnings, redemption, forgiveness.
Jean went his way past the tents that seamed the path. Today he had kitchen duty with Reiner. They’ve been taking turns and still it happened quite often that he found himself in the kitchen tent with Reiner Braun. Or on cabin building duty. Or on a trip with him to the next town. Or on the trips to the port. Annie was responsible for writing the shift schedule, Armin had delegated that to her and yet Jean wondered if a bird shitted into her brain. She obviously had no clue what she was doing. Why else would she pair Reiner with him all the time?
He was the worst pick for working with Reiner in the kitchen. But on the other hand – nobody harmonised with Braun in the kitchen. He was completely incompetent and it was irrelevant with whom he worked with.
Reiner Braun, former Armored Titan, Warrior of the Marleyan Army and Soldier of the Scout Regiment wasn’t even capable of holding a damn kitchen knife.
Jean was quite sure Annie just wanted to torment his soul, because he was always pushed towards insanity when Reiner fucked shit up again. Not that her eyes spoke of amusement whenever he complained. His allegation based on literally nothing, no logic or proof. He knew that. It wouldn’t hold him back cursing all the time.
To be honest, there was something strange in Annie’s eyes, something he could never quite capture. She was always looking at him as if it was kinda obvious. As if the answer of her misjudgement was hidden deep inside of him. Her grey eyes told him he should know. Which he didn’t, at least not obviously or deliberately. Which drove her mad.
Jean was quite certain, Eren erased all titans from existence but sometimes he couldn’t come around thinking, Annie was still one of them and was going to devour him.
Speaking of insanity.
Jean stopped dead in his movement, as he heard a hissing sound and ultimately subdued cursing. He blinked several times, reminded himself of countenance and turned slowly around. „No joking, you cut yourself again? Braun, you got to be shitting me, what is it with you and your poor will to live? Show me.”, demanded Jean annoyed and waved him over to himself. Reiner meanwhile pressed his other hand over his thumb.
„Nah, it’s nothing, really, just a little cut.“
„It wasn’t a little cut the last time when you were bleeding on the whole cutting board for fuck’s sake. You couldn’t lift the crates for whole three days.”, cursed Jean, muttering to himself and dropped the spoon clanking into the pot. He went over to Reiner, moved the other hand away and inspected the cut. It seemed not to be deep luckily. Still he was bleeding. Jean found a paper towel and pressed it on his thumb. „How many times do I have to remind you you’re not a titan anymore and you won’t just heal that away in an instant?”, he discomposed, pushed the vegetables away and was still holding Reiner's hand. Finally he looked him in the eyes. They spoke of deeply manifested guilt – more guilt than it was worth the trouble of a little cut with the knife. That expression was often found in Reiner's eyes. It mirrored the deep guilt burned inside his heart, his lost soul, his non-existent self worth.
„I’m sorry.”, was his answer and in his voice layed such a heavy burden, that Jean couldn’t find it in himself to continue to curse and to rant. At any case about the injury. Now he just wanted to smack that fucker in the face about his guiltiness. Could they just not provoke each other and shit on each other like they often did in the cadet days? It was way easier back then. But back then so much still had to happen between them. It was before Reiner had betrayed them. Before everything splashed downwards the waterfall.
Jean thought about the time when they had joined the survey corps. The four weeks before the beginning of the 57. Scouting Mission had bonded them together, even more than before. Marco's death had weight heavy on his heart and soul and he had had problems processing it. Reiner had been there for him. It had been so easy to get lost in the former bigger guy. It had been then, when he thought they could have been something different in the future than just friends and comrades.
But then the following incidents had driven them apart, as they had gotten them closer to one another again.
„Oh, stop looking like that. You’re right, it’s just a little cut. I’m going to get a bandage and that’s it. Just… don’t touch anything until I’m back, okay?”
Jean stared at him adjuratory, before he made his way to get some patches. “… thanks, Jean.”, he heard from the other guy but didn’t comment on it. On his way from the kitchen tent away and back he met Pieck, who asked if Reiner injured himself again in the kitchen. Well, the damn bastard was so incompetent that just everybody registered it.
As he was stepping back into the large kitchen tent, Reiner was still standing at the desk where he left him, so he at least followed his advice. His lips were pressed tight together and in his hazel eyes still shimmered remorse. He looked like a little puppy which had been hit; in spite of his height and figure. Not that Jean would be smaller than him. Heh.
„Sit down, I’m gonna patch you up and then we’ll see that you do something that doesn’t involve cutting or chopping or whatever.”, demanded Jean. They sat down on two chairs and Jean started blotting the blood, pressed a pad onto the wound and then wrapped the bandage around Reiner's thumb. „Guess I’m not a good cook. I tried arguing with Annie that she won’t put me in here anymore but she says there are no exceptions.”, sighed Reiner and shrugged, which led Jean to a warning sound pouring over his lips, who wanted to press a sticky tape on the end of the bandage. „Yeah, I think she just likes to plague us.“, claimed Jean and paused. His fingertips still laid on the bandage and his hand cupped Braun's fingers. „I don’t think you’re a bad cook, Reiner. I just think you’re clumsy and you were used to heal yourself so fast for over twelve years. Takes time to get used to new circumstances.”, countered Jean and looked up to Reiner. They sat close to each other. Their knees jabbed into one another, Jean could easily make out Reiner's stubble on his cheeks and chin and the golden touch in his brown eyes. It costed them time to speak more freely again. When Jean thought about the night he had beaten the shit out of Reiner as he heard about his involvement with Marco's death… and when he thought about the moment when he had clasped Reiner's wrist so rock-solid when he was so close to dropping down from the founding titan… they really went a long way. He didn’t hate Reiner. He just couldn’t.
Hate reigned them all to long.
„It does…“, agreed the other guy with him. It made Jean mad, for real. He wanted to scream at him, that he shouldn’t wear that look on his face, that he shouldn’t feel that particular way and in the same time he just wanted to hug him. Jean wasn’t sure when he started to react in such a disillusioned and maniacal manner whenever he was in Reiner's presence. It seemed to be a development of the last many months that they stayed here. It wasn’t fully new, though. He reacted to Reiner in such a way a long time ago, too.
They had acted carefully and nearly shy in the attendance of the other, went their own ways until conversations had bloomed in slow pace and had grown bigger and bigger. Until Reiner had broken down in his presence. And then again. But it wasn’t just him. Jean was overcome and followed by their misdeeds too. They all had severe issues.
„And now stop looking all sad and remorseful. It’s okay if you feel so but you’re definitely exaggerating, idiot.” That beautiful idiot. Jean's thought was disrupted – luckily, maybe he had spent too many hours out in the sun today – as Reiner and him heard a piercing scream. They both winced and looked alarmed at each other, only to let their glances wander to the open flap of the tent. Way behind that they could watch Levi on the way, a crate on his lap. Next to him was Gabi who discussed very enthusiastically, jumped up and down and clearly ranted. Meanwhile Falco was next to her and tried to calm her down. Levi's gaze was unreadable.
Jean was pretty sure he considered silencing Gabi for good (he would never, they all knew he loved the brats).
Jean and Reiner stayed silent for long moments and stared at the theatrics with irritation glistering in their eyes.
„Do you think we should… help?”
It was Reiner who first found words. Jean saw back to him and there was doubt in his facial expression.
“You have seen Levi, have you? Humanity's strongest soldier and all? He’s gonna tear them apart if they pester him too much, missing leg or fingers won’t hold him back.”
“I meant to help Gabi and Falco and not Levi.”
“Oh. Yeah. I see. Naaah, they’re probably fine.”
For an instance, they exchanged knowing glances and Jean's heart performed a daredevil jump in his chest similar to the flight in the air with their old ODM-Gear or a flight with that cursed flying boat.
„What do you think she’s arguing about?“, asked Jean and Reiner shrugged.
„Didn’t we get more supply caches? Maybe Levi gave all the sweets away and now Gabi is furious.“
Jean's lips parted to release a dry laugh.
„I don’t know her all that good as you do, but I can totally imagine that.“
For several moments they watched the three of them and admired silently Levi's stoic endurance. Then Levi stopped his wheelchair, opened the crate and pressed something in Gabi's and Falco's hands. It was hilarious watching Gabi's expression moving from anger to disbelief, then to outrage and then to joy. Falco was more restraint but still did show relief and happiness. He was so decent to thank Levi, probably for his and Gabi's sake. Gabi jumped again and Jean could swear he saw a faint smile on Levi's face.
They were soon to be fifteen and still they were children.
Jean shook his head and looked to the man in front of him. Slowly, he showed a smile and Reiner mimicked it. It was gentle and honest and it was there. Jean liked him better this way. Reiner had a very beautiful smile he showed way too rarely. He inhaled that smile, tried to remember every bit of it so he would never forget.
„Let’s get to the cooking, shall we? Before Levi tears us apart.”