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Military rations weren't bad at all; Hong-er didn't care much about how they tasted as long as they arrived fairly regularly. After all, it was the most consistent access to food that he'd ever had in his life, and he was given it for doing what he wanted to do anyway. But he'd been shunned for so long that it was second nature for him to be a loner now, and while he spent most of his limited free time trying to drill and improve his skill with his sword, sometimes he felt the urge to get away from everyone for a time. He could feel the weight of their stares on his face, even if he knew there was no way any of them truly knew about his cursed eye. So when the urge to hide away got strong enough, Hong-er went to the forest. If anyone asked, he was foraging for anything to add to his rations. It was an excuse, but he wasn’t the only one who did it, so it was believable.
But it wasn't long before Hong-er's most recent temporary escape to the forest near the army camp was interrupted by a strange occurrence: a flash of light through the trees so bright that even from a distance and through all of the brush, it was nearly blinding. And maybe Hong-er shouldn't have run directly towards the light as soon as he blinked the effects of it away, but in his experience, most of the truly strange things he'd seen had all had something to do with Taizi Dianxia, and he wouldn't risk not seeing if this was the same. And with as bright as it had been, he wasn't sure whether anyone else around or even outside of the forest would be drawn in as well.
Hong-er couldn't tell exactly where the light had come from, but he had a general direction, and that was good enough for him. He'd been running for a minute at most when he came across a clearing between two large trees that had nearly grown together and had to stop suddenly, wobbling for a second before coming to a standstill.
He hadn't seen it until he was almost on top of it, half hidden as it—as he—was in the tall grasses, but there in front of Hong-er was a child. And it wasn't just any child; Hong-er had the sinking feeling that he'd been right all along. This, somehow, was Xie Lian, Taizi Dianxia of Xianle, the Flower Crowned Martial God. Hong-er thought he'd recognize his god anywhere, but this child was smaller than Hong-er had been the first time they'd met. Definitely younger as well, given that Hong-er had always been underfed, and Dianxia surely had been a child of average size. He also just looked even smaller, because he was swamped in fine robes that must have belonged to his adult self. Had that burst of light Hong-er saw been Dianxia literally shrinking??
As Hong-er watched, nearly frozen in shock, the child turned around to see the soldier standing behind him. Oh no, Hong-er thought, panicked, I'm a soldier; I'm carrying a sword. What if I scare him? But Dianxia was probably used to royal guards being around him, even at this age, and didn't seem phased by Hong-er's appearance except to seek comfort from the only other person around, stumbling towards him adorably.
"I want my mama," Taizi Dianxia said, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. Hong-er knew how that felt. The corner of his heart where a kind smile, silver necklaces, and a cherished but half forgotten voice lived ached. He thought quickly.
"I know," Hong-er said. "I am so sorry, Dianxia. I know this must be scary for you, but I can't take you to the Palace right now."
"Why not?" Dianxia asked, his face scrunching up like he was going to start screaming if Hong-er didn't give him the answer he wanted very quickly. And Hong-er wasn't sure what most people would do in his situation, but he wasn't about to lie to his god, especially when he didn't have a good explanation to offer and when it would difficult or even impossible to hide the truth.
"Dianxia sees how his clothes are far too big for him, yes?" Hong-er asked, and Xie Lian nodded suspiciously. "Dianxia is supposed to be big, bigger than me! Big enough that those clothes fit you. But something happened, and Dianxia ended up small again. I don't know if someone did this on purpose or not, but if they did it might be dangerous to go to the Palace. And besides, everyone in the Palace is expecting Dianxia to be big!"
He wasn't sure if he should mention that Dianxia didn't even live in the Palace anymore, now that he'd ascended, but he thought it would just upset Xiao Dianxia in a way that wouldn't be particularly useful. If Xie Lian asked about his divinity for some reason, or about Hong-er's god, then Hong-er wouldn't lie to him. But until then he wouldn't bring it up.
"But... but if I can't go home, what am I supposed to do?" Dianxia asked, tears threatening to spill as he tried to hold in sobs.
"I will keep you safe until we find a way to make you big again," Hong-er said, hoping desperately he wasn't lying to his prince. At any rate, he'd keep Taizi Dianxia safe or die trying.
"You promise?" Dianxia said, drying his eyes with the dragging sleeves of his older self's robes.
"I promise," Hong-er assured him. "Will Dianxia permit this lowly one to pick him up? It would be hard to walk in those clothes."
If Dianxia objected, Hong-er could use his saber to cut the bottoms off of the robes, but if he did that, what would DIanxia wear when he turned back? But Dianxia didn't put up a fuss, letting Hong-er lift him up and settle him on his hip, wrapping the excess fabric over his arm. Tiny fingers grasped onto Hong-er's shirt, and he was struck, suddenly, with the awareness that the two of them had been in this exact position before, only the other way around. Hong-er could only hope that Dianxia felt a fraction of the peace in this moment that Hong-er had felt being held in the arms of the God-Pleasing Prince.
But actually keeping Dianxia safe would take more than hope, and Hong-er would have to come up with a plan quickly.
He was going to have to desert from the army, Hong-er realized. A part of him rebelled at the idea. Serving in the army was how he'd been able to serve his god, and he hadn't let anything stop him from fighting for the Flower Crowned Martial God, not even that deputy of his who'd had Hong-er thrown out. But Hong-er pushed that feeling away. The important thing was serving Taizi Dianxia, not his role as a soldier, and Hong-er couldn't go back to camp with a small child depending on him. Especially not with this small child depending on him. This situation wouldn't be forever—or at least he hoped it wouldn't—and maybe he'd be able to sneak back into the army again later, but he would never forgive himself if he failed Dianxia now.
Before he left the clearing, Hong-er stopped to pick up a scroll that had been hidden in the folds of Dianxia's robes when they'd been pooled on the ground around him.
Privately, Hong-er took to referring to the younger Xie Lian as Xiao Dianxia, but that wasn't something he could say out loud without worrying about anyone overhearing. Calling him by his name wasn't an option either, for obvious reasons, so Hong-er took to calling the boy simply "didi," while Xie Lian called him "Hong-ge" in a way that Hong-er had not at all gotten used to.
He gotten the two of them settled as best he could. Hong-er had tried to avoid theft as much as possible, not wanting to offend Xiao Dianxia's sensibilities or risk getting either of them in too much trouble, but he'd had to nick a child-sized pair of pants he'd seen drying outside. He could give Xiao Dianxia his own inner robe, at least, even if it was too big, but he couldn't go without pants himself to share those. Unfortunately, nothing Taizi Dianxia had been wearing could be adapted for the small child in hiding he now was, not even the innermost layers. They were all so fine that it'd be obvious at a glance that something was wrong, and Hong-er didn't want to be accused of kidnapping a noble child, even if that wasn't entirely an incorrect impression to take from the situation.
But once all of those things were settled and he'd gotten food in Xiao Dianxia's belly and at least a temporary roof over their head in the form of a less trafficked shrine, Hong-er turned to the scroll. What if this had the answers for what had happened to his god?
And Hong-er wasn't exactly sure how education worked for royalty. The scroll seemed pretty complicated, to Hong-er's admittedly untrained eyes, but if Xiao Dianxia could read even a little bit of it, then that would be more information than they'd had before.
"Can Dianxia read?" Hong-er asked, doing his best not to smile at the face Xiao Dianxia made at the question. Dianxia was so expressive at this age; it was adorable!
"Of course I can read!" Xie Lian said. Then he frowned, his brow furrowing in thought. "Hong-ge can't read?"
Hong-er felt ashamed, suddenly, but he did his best not to show it. Dianxia hadn't meant to insult him, he was sure, and Hong-er didn't want to upset him. "I've never learned," he said. "I didn't have anyone to teach me."
It wasn't completely true that Hong-er couldn't read at all. He had managed to teach himself to recognize a handful of characters. But most of what he knew were Taizi Dianxia's names and various titles, with a few common characters. He knew all of his numbers, now; most of those characters were only a few strokes a piece. That was just nowhere near enough to actually read anything.
Xie Lian thought about that for a second, his eyebrows scrunched together adorably, before popping up and declaring, "I can teach you, gege!"
"I would be very grateful," Hong-er said with a grin. He wasn't sure how much time they would have together, and he also wasn't sure even royalty knew how to read complicated things at that age, but Xiao Dianxia looked so confident that Hong-er couldn't bear to ask. "For now, though, could didi help me with something? It's fine if didi can't read all of the characters."
Xiao Dianxia could not, in fact, read all of the characters. He could read a few of them, and he dutifully pointed them out to Hong-er, excited to start on his self-appointed task of teaching his new gege. He quickly grew frustrated with the scroll itself, however, complaining that it was even more formal than the edicts his father would write or the texts his tutors had forced him to study so far. Instead, Xiao Dianxia started drawing characters in the dirt like a child that wasn't also the crown prince of an entire kingdom, and Hong-er did his best to learn what his didi was teaching him.
The scroll, potentially useful but unreadable to both of them, was put away with the rest of the Flower Crowned Martial God's belongings, and Hong-er put it from his mind to focus on the present.
Maybe if they were lucky, the effects would just wear off? But Hong-er knew he'd never been lucky in his life, except when it came to meeting his god.
Hong-er and his didi continued on in that way, with Xie Lian only sometimes complaining about the situation, until their little bubble was suddenly interrupted one evening. Xiao Dianxia was already asleep and Hong-er would be soon too, unwilling to let their only candle burn for long, when strangers came to their door. Hong-er was alert at the first sound of bickering outside, wary of what two angry men would do if they knew there was a child there. His first thought was to hide, but if he did that he'd either have to hide alone (not an option) or risk waking Xiao Dianxia up and alerting the intruders (also not an option). Instead, Hong-er left the candle on the table and went over to open the door just wide enough to peek outside. But it only took him a moment to realize he'd made a mistake when the two strangers immediately narrowed in on his movement.
The two forced themselves through the door, and in the dim light of the candle, Hong-er realized that they weren't strangers at all. Their attention immediately stuck to where Xie Lian was curled up in the corner, and Hong-er was suddenly struck with jealousy. Had these two known Dianxia, when he was this small for real? That was something Hong-er hadn't been blessed with himself.
But worse than the jealousy was the terrible fear that shot through him. What if the two heavenly officials had something to do with Dianxia's current state? They'd always seemed loyal before, but what if?
"You!" Mu Qing shouted accusingly, pointing at Hong-er.
"Me," Hong-er agreed. He wanted to say more, and he normally would have, but he didn't want to get in a fight with Taizi Dianxia's servants in front of Xiao Dianxia, even if he didn't remember them at the moment, and even if Xiao Dianxia was hopefully still asleep. Hong-er would have to be the bigger person, for once. That was part of being "gege," he supposed. He'd never really had the opportunity to be a big brother before he'd found Xiao Dianxia, and it wasn't like Hong-er's own da-ge and er-ge had ever bothered to care for him.
"Who?" Feng Xin asked, crossing his arms and glaring between the other two.
"That brat I had to kick out of the army for being too obsessed with Taizi Dianxia! And where do we find him? Holed up with a very vulnerable Xie Lian!"
Hong-er bristled at the implications. "I'm keeping him safe," he said. He bit his tongue rather than saying 'unlike you two.' "When I found him, he was in the forest all alone, dressed in fancy robes that were way too big for him. Anyone could have found him, and he couldn't take care of himself! He didn't even know there was a war on, much less to avoid people from Yong'an. He was asking for his mother, too. All it would have taken to identify him would be for a well-meaning stranger to ask him where his mother lived."
They both winced, easily imagining just how poorly that could have gone.
"Alright," Feng XIn said. "You're keeping him safe. We want to keep him safe too. Why don't we work together here?"
"What took you so long to come find him?" Hong-er asked accusatorily.
"When Taizi Dianxia descended to the mortal realm this last time," Feng Xin explained, "he didn't tell anyone where he was going or why. We tried to search for him without causing a panic, but we didn't have any clues to go on, and the trail went cold almost immediately. We kept searching anyway, but the only way we were able to find the two of you is that we were able to borrow a magical device that can track people's locations and lead you to them. We only got the device this morning."
That was marginally acceptable at least. Hong-er still didn't like either of Taizi Dianxia's minor officials—he wouldn't have let Dianxia go all the way to the mortal realm without knowing he could assist him if it became necessary—but at least they hadn't given up on finding Xie Lian after their first methods had failed. That, he reluctantly had to admit, was worth something. It would be worth more, though, if it turned out they were able to actually help Dianxia get back to his normal self.
Unfortunately for Hong-er, letting them help meant submitting himself to an interrogation, one where he didn't have good answers to most of their questions and where everyone involved was becoming increasingly frustrated. At least Xiao Dianxia didn't have to listen to this. Hong-er explained about being in the forest and seeing a light, but they weren't satisfied with his answers.
"And there wasn't anything strange that you noticed in the forest where you found him? Any markings in the forest floor? A suspicious lack of wildlife?"
"I don't—" But as he started to speak, Hong-er remembered that there was a clue that he'd had to set aside because neither he nor Xiao Dianxia were able to read it. But the older Taizi Dianxia almost certainly had read it, and his servants should be able to read it too. "There was a scroll," he said, pushing himself up from the table to fetch the scroll from where he'd hidden it.
Mu Qing took the scroll from his hands with enough attitude that it was obvious he'd have pulled harder if he wasn't worried about potentially damaging it. Feng Xin looked over his shoulder and sucked in a sharp breath. "This is..."
"Mn," Mu Qing agreed, glancing through the contents. "At least we have an answer. One of the literature gods should be able to tell us how to reverse the effects."
"What is it?" Hong-er asked impatiently. The two lower officials stared him down suspiciously before apparently deciding they might as well tell him.
"Taizi Dianxia did this to himself," Mu Qing said with a sneer.
"What?" Hong-er gasped.
"This scroll," the servant said, speaking slowly like he doubted Hong-er's intelligence, "Contains an incantation meant to help a god require less spiritual energy and fewer merits to function. I imagine Taizi Dianxia wasn't expecting for it to work by trapping him in the body of a child, or he wouldn't have done it. It's not like he could help the common people or anything while stuck like this."
Feng Xin nodded. "At least we should be able to get this taken care of. We'll just have to take him back to the heavens with us."
Suddenly, Hong-er felt a weight run into the back of his legs. When he wasn't paying attention—and he kicked himself for taking his attention off of Xiao Dianxia even for a moment—Xie Lian had woken up.
"No!" the boy yelled. "I'm not going anywhere with you two. I don't know you! I'm staying right here with Hong-ge or I'm going to see my mama! I'm not going anywhere with you!"
Hong-er's heart felt full to bursting. He knew that when Xie Lian was the age he was supposed to be he couldn't expect Dianxia to choose him over his servant and bodyguard, but it still felt good to be his first choice for now. But Hong-er also knew that there was only so much he could do for Xie Lian on his own; these officials had far more resources that could help with the situation. Still, what they didn't have—as evidenced by their panicked faces—was the experience it took to deal with Xiao Dianxia throwing a tantrum.
Hong-er reached behind him and lifted Xie Lian onto his hip, leaning back to look his prince in the eyes. And as much as he wished he could lie about this of all things, he knew he had to tell Dianxia the truth. "These are friends of yours," he explained. "I don't know how much you heard, but they've been worried about you. They've been looking for you so that they could make sure you were safe."
"Of course I'm safe," Xie Lian said stubbornly. "I have Hong-ge. Hong-ge promised."
Hong-er smiled. "I did promise. But there are some things your Hong-ge can't do, like read that scroll we found next to you. Your friends can read it, and they know some people who can help turn you back to the age you're supposed to be. Don't you want to be big again, didi?"
"I don't want to go anywhere without Hong-ge," Xie Lian said, pressing his cold and snotty nose against Hong-er's neck and, Hong-er suspected though he couldn't see, glaring at their guests.
Through gritted teeth, Feng Xin offered a compromise. "Dianxia, it is my job as your bodyguard to make sure you are safe. Since we found you again, we aren't going to leave you here."
Trying to go back to their routine was both easier and harder than Hong-er had expected. They weren't alone together in the shrine any longer; at least one of the two attendants stayed at all times. Normally this meant Feng Xin, as Dianxia's official bodyguard, stayed with them while Mu Qing, who was a cultivator of the same path as Taizi Dianxia, worked on finding a way to reverse the spell. Admittedly, it also caused fewer problems to have Feng Xin be the one who stayed behind, since Hong-er didn't particularly have anything extra to hold against him the way that he did with Mu Qing. Unfortunately this didn't mean that Hong-er particularly liked Dianxia's attendant, and he was pretty sure Xiao Dianxia could tell even though Hong-er was trying to be on his best behavior.
At first, Xie Lian did his best to ignore Feng Xin's presence, chattering with Hong-er and pretending like it was any other day. But Xiao Dianxia was a friendly child and not the kind to hold a grudge forever, and he warmed up to their new guest before long. Hong-er did his best to encourage this, and he bravely avoided gloating about the way that Xiao Dianxia still turned to him first when he was excited or upset. Well, he mostly avoided it anyway.
And there was one thing that Dianxia's attendants represented that Hong-er couldn't resent in the slightest: food. Hong-er had kept the two of them fed well enough, thanks to his years of experience shifting for himself, but there'd been some days where Hong-er had gone hungry so that Xiao Dianxia wouldn't notice how little they had. As young as Xie Lian was, and as spoiled of a prince as he'd been, he didn't quite understand what it meant to go hungry because there was nothing to be had to eat, and there wasn't much Hong-er wouldn't do to keep him from learning how it felt. Hong-er was used to going hungry, but he took the food Feng Xin and Mu Qing offered without protest.
Mu Qing had made it sound like Dianxia would be back to normal quickly once they brought the scroll to the heavens, but more than a week passed before he returned with what he swore was the answer.
Turning Dianxia back to normal apparently involved traipsing back to the same clearing Hong-er had found him in originally. And technically either Mu Qing or Feng XIn could have brought Dianxia there—Hong-er was sure they remembered the way he'd shown them—but Hong-er insisted on going anyway. Even if Xiao Dianxia wasn't going to be small for much longer, Hong-er didn't want him to be afraid and alone in the meantime. And selfishly, he wanted to savor the time he had left with Xie Lian. And not just his time with Xiao Dianxia, the way they'd been living together. Hong-er knew that once Dianxia was his proper age again, the only time he'd get to see him in the future would be on the battlefield, covering his back whenever he was able to get close enough to his god. Because that's what they'd always been: god and believer. The line had just gotten smudged in such an unexpected situation. Once the situation was gone, things would go back to normal. Hong-er tried to tell himself that it'd be enough for him, that having his god physically next to him hadn't created a deep and desperate need to stay at his side.
Xiao Dianxia held his hand all the way through the forest, strangely quiet for the normally talkative child. It worried Hong-er. It wasn't like being told that you were going to suddenly become an adult because of magic was a normal thing for a child to have to deal with.
"Hey," he said, pulling his didi aside and kneeling down in front of him to be at his level. He ignored the annoyed noises from Dianxia's attendants. "How are you feeling?"
"I don't know," Xie Lian said. "It's weird to think of being a grown up. I'm excited to see my mama again, once I'm the size I'm supposed to be. But I don't want to leave Hong-ge! You don't have anyone but me, do you? If you did, you wouldn't have stayed with me like that. I don't want you to be alone!"
Hong-er wanted to cry, but he didn't want to deal with wet bandages, and he didn't want to upset Xiao Dianxia even more than he already was. Wasn't his god amazing, even as a child? Hong-er had thought Xiao Dianxia had been upset about the ritual, and maybe he was, but Dianxia was also worrying about Hong-er. Hong-er, of all the people in the world! Sometimes it still didn't feel real that Taizi Dianxia knew him, the brat who brought everyone bad luck. The cursed child that the Xianle Guoshi had declared a danger to everyone around him.
"Hong-ge will be alright," Hong-er said when he was mostly confident he could speak without choking up.
"You promise?"
"I promise," Hong-er assured him, and he again hoped it wasn't a lie.
Before they started, Hong-er helped Xiao Dianxia out of his clothes and wrapped him in a blanket Mu Qing had brought. After all, when he got big again, he'd end up shredding the children's clothes he'd been wearing.
Hong-er wasn't able to hold Xiao Dianxia's hand the whole time, not when it came to whatever ritual his officials used to turn Dianxia back to normal, but he didn't leave, and neither of the two officials forced him to, as much as Mu Qing seemed to want to. They ignored him, and he stayed out of their way, but whenever Xiao Dianxia looked at him, he tried to give an encouraging smile.
And then with another flash of brilliant light it was over, almost as soon as Hong-er realized that this was it, that it was finally happening. It had been less than a month since he'd first found his god in these woods.
Hong-er watched as Mu Qing and Feng Xin fussed over their god, averting his eyes as Mu Qing helped Taizi Dianxia dress in fresh robes. It would be best, he thought, to slip away now, while Dianxia was safe and well, instead of waiting to be sent away.
He hadn't gotten very far when he heard a beloved voice shouting after him. “Wait!”
Hong-er obediently stopped. What else could he do? And he didn't really want to leave, after all. “Taizi Dianxia,” he replied.
”Not didi?” Xie Lian smiled at him and chuckled warmly. "I guess I'm the gege now, aren't I?" he teased.
Hong-er felt himself blush and resisted the urge to try to hide his face. "Gege," he agreed, watching in awe as a light dusting of blush spread across Dianxia's cheeks in response. Huh. Did Hong-er really have such an effect on his prince?
"Well," Xie Lian said. "Well, didi can call me that if he likes!"
"That is very kind of gege," Hong-er said, internally reeling from being called 'didi' by Xie Lian. He wasn't quite sure about using 'gege' in a prayer, honestly, so he wasn't sure when he'd have a chance to use it in the future. It wasn't like he could call Dianxia 'gege' around his fellow soldiers. That was the kind of disrespect that would get him thrashed, for good reason. And maybe some of those thoughts filtered onto his face, because the next thing Dianxia said seemed to be a response to them.
"I mean..." Xie Lian trailed off, uncharacteristically uncertain. "That is, if you want to stay with me."
"Why wouldn't I?" Hong-er asked, genuinely confused why this would even be in question. Anyone who had the opportunity to stay with Taizi Dianxia and chose not to was a fool and not to be trusted.
"I can't offer you much," Xie Lian said with a frown. "I'd like to appoint you if you'll let me, but you should know that until this war is over—probably even once it is—the tides of opinion have turned against me, and I'm not sure how much longer I can continue like I have been. And that's if my absence hasn't made things worse for me in the heavens."
"Of course I want to stay with you!" Hong-er exclaimed. "It would be my honor to serve Dianxia in any way you see fit, but it would be my joy to have a place by your side."
"That place is yours for as long as you want it," Xie Lian said, and the weight of the moment hung between them. Hong-er didn't know what ascending felt like, but right then he would have bet it felt something like this intense joy and satisfaction and belonging. "Of course, you'll have to try to get along with Mu Qing and Feng Xin, but they're great once you get to know them, I swear!"
"I'll play nice with your officials, Dianxia," Hong-er said. He was skeptical that he'd ever come to enjoy their company, or them his, but he'd happily pretend for Dianxia's sake.
"If they provoke you on purpose, I won't forbid you from defending yourself," Xie Lian clarified. "But ah— this is exciting! And it will give me a chance to keep my promise to you!"
"Your promise?" Hong-er asked, racking his mind for what Dianxia could be talking about. In their time together, Hong-er had been the one to make promises for the most part, in the interest of comforting Xiao Dianxia.
Xie Lian smiled. "Have you forgotten so soon? I told you that I'd teach you how to read."
"Dianxia was a child," Hong-er protested. "I would never hold you to that."
"You still don't know how, do you? And you still want to learn? It is within my power to teach you, and moreover I would be very happy to!"
"If it would make Dianxia happy," Hong-er said, "then I would be happy as well."
Xie Lian beamed at him. "It's settled then! Oh, and I can tutor you with the saber as well!"
And there was so much still left unsettled. There was still a drought in Yong'an, and the fighting had, if anything, intensified since Dianxia's desperate attempt to lessen his demands on the people of Xianle. But in this moment, Xie Lian was smiling, and Hong-er was the one who had brought that expression to his face. He wanted to keep being the one to bring that smile to his face, no matter how difficult things got.
Hong-er had never known a life without some kind of struggle, and he'd never had anyone that tried to make it better for him until he met Taizi Dianxia. Until the Flower Crowned Martial God gave him a reason to live. If he was going to live for Dianxia, Hong-er would return that gift in the best way he could: he would make Dianxia's life easier however Dianxia let him.
And really, it would be Hong-er's privilege, not his burden, to try to brighten Dianxia's—gege's—days. The most difficult part about it, he was beginning to realize, was that making gege smile was going to be different than making didi smile had been. Gege's smiles and blushes were too dangerous for Hong-er's heart...