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It was early in the morning when the abdominal cramps started. They were mild at first and easily ignored, but as time went by, they grew worse and worse, and the interval between each wave grew shorter and shorter.
I rubbed my belly in an attempt to assuage the pain. Why was my stomach hurting? Was this a case of food poisoning? But I was the one who did the cooking in this house, and I always made sure to practice good food hygiene. Also, none of the food yesterday had tasted off.
Another wave of pain made me wince. I could go to my sister or sibling’s room to tell them that I was ill, but at this time they would both be asleep and I found myself loath to disturb their rest. Or to leave my nest of blankets, for that matter. It would be fine, I decided. These stomach cramps were nothing compared to the Radiance’s torture. They would end eventually, I told myself.
At one point though, I found myself squatting on my bed with my arm out to brace me. Suddenly, I felt something within me shift into place. Instinctively, I bore down and something slid out of my body, from between my legs with an unsettling rush, to land amongst my blankets. I used my hand to nudge it out from between my legs and into the light of the lumafly street lamp outside my window.
It was a black sphere, with a smooth almost-shiny surface. An egg. Suddenly, a lot of things fell into place – my recently increased appetite, the weight gain, a sudden desire for more pillows and blankets for my bed, to arrange about to form a comfy nest. My sister and sibling had encouraged such things, even bringing me extra food, pillows and blankets. Of course when it came to the gifted food, I was the one who had to cook it to make a proper meal. I love Hornet dearly, but her idea of cooking is to stick something on a spit and roast it until it’s nearly burnt, and Ghost’s cooking skills are even worse. Another wave of pain then hit, to inform me that there was more than one egg. I sighed and braced myself once more.
At the end of it, there were three black eggs, each small enough to fit in my palm, lying in my bed. I arranged a bunch of small pillows and a couple of blankets around them for greater protection. There, done. No wait, I wasn’t entirely done. I still needed to share the news.
“Ghost, Ghost, come quick!” I called. “And bring Hornet here too!”
It wasn’t long before my bedroom door swung open to reveal Ghost.
“Sorry, I can’t bring Hornet,” they apologised. “I think that she just left to go hunt–”
Their voice trailed off as they finally caught sight of the eggs safely secured within the nest-within-a-nest of my bed.
“Huh,” they said, ambling closer to take a better look at them. “Who did you fuck to make them?”
“Ghost!” I spluttered.
If Vessels could blush, I would be bright red at the crudity of my sibling’s question. As it was, I could feel my mask grow warmer.
Ghost looked up to meet my eyes. “What? It’s a perfectly valid question.”
“You don’t have to say it like that,” I argued. “Who would I even do that with anyway?”
“Blicket. Sly. The Snail Shaman,” answered Ghost, counting the names off with the fingers of one hand. They paused for effect. “Zote.”
I threw a pillow at them. They dodged it easily amidst snickers.
“I have better taste than to sleep with Zote , of all bugs,” I informed my sibling haughtily.
They snickered again. “Then there’s always Elderbug.” My sibling put on an expression of mock-disapproval. “Now, I’ll admit that he’s a little young for you, but then again, you’re both consenting adults so I guess–”
This time, my aim was true, and my pillow smacked them right in the face. “I haven’t been having– doing that , at all,” I informed them. “This just happened on its own.”
“So, parthenogenesis then?” questioned Ghost.
I shrugged. “I guess so.”
I didn’t know whether this had come from Father or the White Lady, or if this was perfectly normal for Vessels. Ghost was the only living sibling I had met since I had left the Abyss.
“Have you ever undergone something like this before?” I asked.
Ghost gave me a Look , and swept a hand up and down to indicate their tiny body. Their mind may have matured in the time we had been apart, but their body was still frozen in time, still in the form of a newly hatched Vessel.
“Nah. No hole for an egg to come out,” they answered. “No holes for a male to stick their cock in, period. Not that some bugs haven’t tried.”
They then sent me a mental image tinged with mirth about lying on the ground while a male bug knelt in between their legs with his penis already out, and yelling, “Where the fuck is your cunt?!” before getting skewered by a tendril.
I stared at them in horror. I may have been raised up as a “sheltered sacrificial animal” as Ghost referred to my upbringing in the White Palace, but I still knew when things were wrong.
“Ghost, did that bug try to rape you?” I asked.
“Key word: tried. Did a piss-poor job at it before I killed him,” sniggered Ghost. “Always liked it when they tried to go in for a fuck because that meant that they had their guard down.” They raised a Void tendril and waved it about. “Nobody expects a sharpened tendril.”
“He wasn’t the only one??!!” I yelped.
I knew that my sibling’s life outside of Hallownest had been no bed of roses — but knowing that multiple people had tried to rape them made my non-existent heart clench, made me want to scoop them up into my nest where I could keep them safe, even though I knew full well that they were a god now and much more stronger than me.
My sibling patted me on the knee. “Don’t get your panties in a twist. It really is fine. If a bug’s looking for a hole that doesn’t exist, then that means they’re distracted and I can turn the tables on them. And that’s why I’m still alive and they’re dust in the wind.”
It wasn’t fine at all. And it really said something about Ghost’s mindset and the things they had been through that they thought something like this was not just fine, but funny.
Some of my thoughts must have shown in my body language because my sibling changed the subject by nodding to the eggs and asked, “So, what are you planning to do with those?”
Logically, I knew that this was a perfectly valid question but I seized up. Suddenly the momentousness of it all crashed down on me. I had laid eggs. Eventually, they would hatch and three little Vessels would crawl out into the world, three tiny fragile things that I would be responsible for. And what did I know about babies? Absolutely nothing.
I clutched at my sibling in a panic. “Ghost, Ghost, what am I going to do?” I wailed. “I don’t know anything about babies! How do I parent them?”
Ghost patted me on the back before gently disentangling themselves. “Well, at least you know what not to do.”
“Eh?” I replied unintelligibly.
Ghost once again started counting things out on their fingers. “Number one: don’t force your kids to undertake dangerous bullshit tests that can get them killed. Number two: don’t lock away the kids that failed your dangerous bullshit test. Number three: don’t force your kids to pretend to be something that they’re not.”
I squirmed. I still love our father despite everything that he’s done and not done, but even I will admit that he has been a subpar parent.
“Number four: don’t put impossible expectations down on their shoulders,” continued Ghost.
“It wasn’t supposed to have been impossible for me,” I protested weakly.
My sibling gave me a pitying look. “He put the weight of an entire nation onto your shoulders and expected you to do it alone for all of eternity. He expected you, a minor godling, to constrain an ancient goddess powerful enough that even deprived of a physical body and worshippers, was too much for three gods put together to defeat. It was impossible from the start. The Hollow Knight plan would’ve failed regardless of whichever Vessel they put into the Black Egg.”
I bit my tongues to stop from arguing further. Ghost meant well, but they just didn’t understand. The best minds of the time had looked over the plan. I had been training for that purpose since the day Father had brought me to the White Palace. I was supposed to be perfect. It was supposed to have worked. Instead, I crumbled after a measly few years and millions of bugs died as a result.
Ghost squeezed me tightly once before letting go and going back to their lecture. “Number five: if one of your children fails their impossible task, do not order your other children to kill them for it.”
I was unsurprised to hear that the White Lady had once ordered Ghost to kill me. Perhaps an ordinary bug would be upset to hear that their egg-layer wanted them dead, but despite our blood connection, the White Lady and I have had nothing to do with each other since before my hatching. I respect her as the queen and the wife of my father, but nothing more. And to her, I am nothing but a faulty machine that failed the one job I had. It is little wonder that she tried to get Ghost to replace me.
“Number six: the world is a dangerous place – teach them how to fight,” continued my sibling. “And number seven: love and care for them, but remember that they will eventually leave you. Be prepared to let them go when the time comes.”
That last part was tinged with melancholy, and I knew that they were thinking about Grimmchild. The little godling had once lived with us, but shortly after he had gotten his legs and started walking, the circus returned for him. One look at his joyous face, and I knew that he belonged with them. Still, I had half-expected my sibling to chase the circus off – certainly they were powerful enough to do so. Instead, they had hugged their son, pressed some Geo onto him, and then gave him permission to go. Grimmchild had hugged his parent back, hugged me and Hornet next, and then walked off with the Grimm Troupe, though not without a promise to return someday.
Afterwards, Ghost had insisted that they were fine, that they had always been aware that this was going to happen, but then they had disappeared into Godhome for a few weeks, and it might have been longer if Hornet hadn’t found them and brought them back. I knew that they still missed Grimmchild though. They had never gotten rid of his bed or the few belongings that he had left behind, and sometimes when we were eating together, their eyes strayed to the chair in which Grimmchild had used to sit.
I reached out and hugged my sibling again. They hugged me back.
“It’s going to be alright, Hollow,” they told me. “You’re not alone, for one. Hornet and I will help you raise the babies. And we can always ask the others for help if we need it. Blicket for example, will make them the most stylish babies in all of Hallownest.”
I laughed despite myself. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” replied Ghost.
We hugged each other for a little longer before Ghost pulled away. “You’re probably hungry after that egg-laying, aren’t you?” they asked. “Here, eat some of this while I go to the kitchen and see what we’ve got for breakfast.”
“This” was their jar of carefully-collected Lifeseeds. I clamped the jar between my knees, unscrewed the lid and quickly thrust my snout into it. The Lifeseeds tried to escape, but there was nowhere for them to go except into my mouth. Mmmm. They tasted like sweet jelly with a delightful zing. I ate and ate until there was none left. Once I was done, I licked my muzzle clean, screwed the lid back on and put the jar on my bedside table.
Despite eating all of the Lifeseeds, I found myself still hungry. Lifeseeds were delicious and energising, but they weren’t very filling. Luckily, my sibling returned with a glass of water and a sandwich, which consisted of what looked like every bit of meat, vegetables and fruits we had left in the house between two slices of bread. Having no mouth meant that Ghost had a poor understanding of what was good to eat, so this was a vast improvement from their usual attempts of making food. It wasn’t rancid eggs or raw crawlids still skewered on their nail, for one. I thanked my sibling and took the plate from them.
A bite revealed that the sandwich was rather dry. But I was hungry enough not to care much and I devoured the whole thing before turning to the glass of water. The water turned out to be from the hot springs, still rich in Soul, and I greedily drank it all down. I then placed the empty plate and glass on my bedside table. Ghost had already taken back their jar, so I didn’t have to worry about accidentally knocking it off.
I looked back at my nest. My three eggs were well-secured, but it still felt rather empty. I knew what would make it better though.
“Come on in, Ghost,” I urged, patting my bedsheets in invitation.
Ghost’s eyes went to the eggs. “Are you sure?”
I nodded.
They came closer and I scooped them up and deposited them in my nest. They reached out as if to touch one of the eggs, but then stopped themselves.
“You can touch them if you like,” I told them.
Ghost didn’t move. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Yes, I trust you.”
They reached out to stroke the surface of one egg and then gently patted another. The last one was curiously hefted into their arms before they put it back. I felt no alarm at seeing my sibling handle my eggs. Why should I? They were my beloved family. They would never harm my children.
“These are smaller than our eggs were,” noted Ghost.
“Well, I’m not as large as the White Lady, so it’s no wonder there,” I pointed out. I then nudged them teasingly. “Soon you won’t be the shortest member of the family anymore.”
“I’m larger than you and Hornet put together in my god form,” they retorted.
“That’s true,” I admitted.
They made as if to hop out of the nest, so I gently pushed them to fall backwards onto a soft pillow.
“No. No leaving. Sleep here,” I crooned.
“Why, Hollow? Are your brooding instincts coming to the front?” teased Ghost.
I didn’t know and I didn’t really care. All I knew was that I wanted my sibling to be in my nest so that I could protect them and my eggs.
“Sleep here,” I repeated.
“Shit, they are, aren’t they?” said Ghost. They heaved a sigh that only I could hear. “Alright, alright, I’ll stay in the nest for now.”
I projected happiness at my sibling and nuzzled them. They nuzzled me back and I reluctantly pulled away to cover them with a blanket. They turned to lie on their side so that the ever-present nail on their back wouldn’t poke them while they slept.
“Goodnight, Ghost,” I told them.
“It’s morning, but alright,” replied Ghost. “Goodnight, Hollow.”
Vessels have no eyelids or the need to breathe, but I knew Ghost had gone back to sleep by the way the Void in their eye holes went still. Now, the only one missing from the nest was Hornet. But it somehow felt right that she was out there, hunting for meat to bring back for us. I wondered what she would bring. Plump, juicy tiktiks or tasty crawlids? Crunchy little vengeflies or chewy gruzzers? Or was she searching for something a little more exotic? Loodles, maybe? Or a boofly? Surely not those little hoppers – there was very little edible meat on those things. And I always felt bad about eating mosscreeps. They were just so cute!
My eyes went back to my three little eggs. In just a few weeks or months, my children would emerge from them. The idea still scared me. I was barely a functional bug myself, how was I going to manage raising three little ones? But Ghost was right – I wasn’t going to be doing it alone. I’d have Ghost and Hornet helping me. Then there was Sly who had raised three Nailmasters and Elderbug, whose children had left for more fertile lands years ago. I could always go to both of them for advice on raising children.
I imagined it now: three miniature versions of myself running about the house, in dresses of red, blue and green that I’d commission from Blicket. I imagined myself cooking while listening to the sounds of my children’s play and their laughter. I imagined teaching them how to use Soul and how to read and write. Ghost could teach them how to use a nail, and Hornet could teach them sign language.
…I should name them, shouldn’t I? My children couldn’t go about life being called One, Two and Three. They deserved proper names. I went through a list of names, trying them on and then discarding them. At last, I came up with three names.
I touched my first egg. “You will be named Pearl.”
I caressed the second egg. “You will be named Silver.”
I stroked my last egg. “And your name will be Joy.”
Pearl, Silver and Joy. My three children. I wondered what they would be like. Would they be bold or shy? Studious or athletic? Talkative or quiet? Energetic or calm? I couldn’t wait to know.
I then heard footsteps approaching. I raised my head. Was it Hornet finally back from hunting? A crowned head poked into the doorway. Father. I had the sudden urge to hiss at him, but I had no voice to do so, so I crouched protectively over Ghost and my eggs and snapped my mandibles at him. I still loved him, but I would not allow him to kill my children. My babies would never have their masks shattered against unforgiving rock.
His eyes widened. “Pure Vessel, you’ve laid eggs?! When? And who’s the other parent?”
Instead of answering, I snapped my mandibles at him again and threw a pillow at him. Being blind in one eye, my aim was poor and the thrown pillow didn’t even touch him. Father finally got the hint and quickly left. I relaxed once he was gone. That was one threat gone that would never touch my babies. I nuzzled each of my eggs. There, there, my Pearl, my Silver, my Joy. You are safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you.
Shortly after Father had left, I once again heard footsteps.
“I’m back!” called a familiar voice. “Ghost? Hollow? Are you still here or have you gone out?”
Not for the first time, I wished that I had a voice to call out to my sister, to tell her the great news. Instead, I had to wait for her to come to my bedroom. Eventually, she did make her way to me.
“Hollow, what are you doing still in be–” Her eyes went to the three eggs in my bed and her jaw dropped. “Hollow, who’s the father?”
Vessels could not roll their eyes, which is the only reason why I didn't do so. Why did everyone have to jump so fast to that conclusion? Did I really appear so loose? Oh, there was my “Slut” shirt that Ghost had gotten for me as a joke, but I’ve certainly never lain with anyone like that. In that aspect at least, I was still “pure”.
“There is no father,” I explained patiently. “I laid my eggs via parthenogenesis.”
Hornet nodded. “I see.”
“Hornet, I’m going to be a parent!” I signed to her excitedly. “I’m going to have three little Vessel babies!”
“Congratulations, Hollow!” said Hornet.
“Thank you,” I replied.
She wistfully looked at my nest. “Am I allowed in?”
“You are always welcome in my nest, little sister,” I replied warmly.
She smiled and carefully climbed in. Despite her care however, Ghost woke up. They sat up, rubbing their eyeholes.
“Slept well, little Ghost?” asked Hornet.
Ghost gave her a thumbs-up in reply.
Hornet then looked back at me. “Hollow, may I touch your eggs?”
I nodded. “Of course you may.”
Hornet stroked the egg closest to her, which was Pearl, and then rapped on its surface. She frowned at the sound and then went on to rap on the surface of Silver and Joy’s eggs. Her frown then grew deeper.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Hollow, I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but I think there’s a possibility that these eggs are duds,” said Hornet.
“Duds?” I echoed.
“Infertile eggs,” explained Hornet.
I froze. That – that could not be.
“I could be wrong, of course,” Hornet hastily added. “I’m certainly no expert! You want Midwife for that.”
Ghost raised their hand and pointed to themselves.
“ You will go and get her, little Ghost?” questioned Hornet.
Ghost nodded and pulled out their Dream Nail. The blade glowed pink before they warped away. I wasn’t sure where they had placed their Dreamgate, but hopefully it wasn’t far from Deepnest.
Hornet awkwardly patted my knee. “I’ll go cook lunch, okay?”
I nodded. What else was I to say?
She climbed out of my nest and vanished through the doorway. I stared at my eggs. I knew of course that a clutch often contained infertile as well as fertile eggs. For example, out of the bargained clutch born between Father and Queen Herrah, only Hornet’s egg had turned out to be fertile. There was a possibility that one or two of my eggs were infertile.
But then again, perhaps not. The White Lady was the goddess of fertility and nature, after all. There was a possibility that I had taken after her in this aspect and all of my eggs were perfectly viable. Perhaps Hornet had gotten it wrong! She herself had admitted that she wasn’t entirely sure, after all.
Hornet returned with two plates of roasted meat and a glass of water. “I managed to catch a Vengefly King today. One of your favourites.”
I did enjoy Vengefly King, even when it was almost burnt like this, but my Shade was tying itself into knots over the possibility that even one of my eggs could be a dud, as Hornet called it. Still, I forced myself to eat and drink. Hornet sat on my chair and the two of us ate our lunch in silence.
We had just finished our meal when I heard shrieking coming from outside. Shortly after that, my sibling entered my room in a smaller version of their god form, carrying with them a very familiar spider, whom they dropped on the floor.
Midwife turned her smiling mask to Hornet. “Hello there, Hornet dear. It’s so good to see you again. I was relaxing at home when this great shadowy beast just barged in and scooped me up without so much as a please. Friend of yours?”
Hornet facepalmed. “They’re my sibling, Midwife. And I am so sorry about their behaviour. Ghost, apologise!”
“̷̮̱̟̞̗̩̓̅S̸̢̢̱͓̼̗͚͚̓̊̓̄̏͠ḣ̸̡̛̝̈́͛̉̇͂̒ȅ̴̹͇̮͖̈̓̉͒̓̌̽̕͘͝ ̵̺̣͉͔̜̥̰̻̖̳̘͘t̴̢͙̼̲͉͉̫̠̖͓͊r̸̡̢̘̦̉͒̈́̌̈́̎̅͝ĭ̷̬̮̬̦̖̿̑̽͗̏͝ẽ̷̢͉̫̦͂̈́̑͜͜d̸̙̯̞͇̗̞̉͜ͅ ̵̢̛̜͕̭̘̞̅̾͋͐́̑ẗ̴̢͇̘̳̟̙̘̺́̀͗́̉̒͌̌͜ȍ̷̝̙͔̽ ̶̢̢͍́̇͋̽̾͋̃̔͘ͅe̵̘̪̟͖̜̲̎͋̕͠a̶̢̰̼̰̗̰̘̱͆̃̑͗̌͆͝t̷̡̝͍̺̱̱̠̻͛̐̾̎ͅ ̸̡͈̤̩͈̞̟̯͙̽̊̄̂͋̓m̷̖̭̰̙̥̭̾͒̐̋ë̶̫̱̮͔́̓͂̈͘ͅ ̶̛̞̺̖̊̈́̐͌̄̓̈͒m̸̺͔̫̠͇͔̟͓̙̐̈́́́̊̈́̀͆͝ư̵̢͇̗͉̹̙̺͜͜ͅl̷̥̮͇͚̮̉̏͆̒̊͆͐̈͘͝͝t̶̢͇̤̆̂͌͛́͋̂̒͘ȋ̶̡̹̙̟͌p̸̡̼͎̾͗̌̾͑͑̓̾̇͝l̶̗̹͕͙̱̙̈͗͂ĕ̵͇̣̞̞̦̭͓͇̮̘̭̔͌̋̇̈́͛͑ ̴̡̜̃̓́̉̑̽̕͝͝t̵͓͙́́͆͊̐̃̋͑̚̚͘ĩ̷̡̛̛̟̤͔̙̜͉͔̭̦̀̎͗͘̚m̵̨̖̝̠̠͕̺͕̣̙̋͋͒̊ē̴̜̃́̌̒͑̚s̴̢͉̮͎͂̑ ̵̜͚̯͓͕͕̂̀͜b̷̛̮̝̖̊̇͝e̷͖̬͊̀̂͗̽̅̈̐͝͠f̵͚̬͖̄͋̔̆̈́̒ö̷͚́̋̈́̈́͛̔̀͝ŗ̸̣͔͑ȩ̶̥̪͉̈́̊̑̿̇͛̓͆̀̍͂,̸̡̨̡͈͔̟͈̞̹̘́̒́̍̐́͆͐͆͝͝ ̸̳̭͖̪̻̝͒͐͝ͅs̸̛͕̐̄͑͒͘o̵̦̝͊ ̵̨̧͙͍͉̑̈́̈̐̓̐̈́̎͒̌͝ň̸̬͛̐̎̈́͒̔̋o̶̞̮̒͑̔͂̀͊̿̂̋̀͂,̷̢̦̠͔͉͛̽̆̆̑̽̎”̴̛̥͈̯͋͐̉͗̓̅̎̄̚̕ said Ghost in the distorted, garbled voice they had created in order to speak with Hornet. Their first attempt in creating a voice had resulted in a distorted version of Hornet’s own voice, which no one had liked. I wondered who they had based this particular voice on.
Midwife gasped. “I never! Unlike some people, my eyes aren’t bigger than my stomach. I only stick to smaller prey!”
Translation: She had definitely tried to eat Ghost in their Vessel form.
“Alright, never mind about that,” said Hornet hastily. “Midwife, could you take a look at my sibling’s eggs and see if they’re viable or not, please?”
“Ah yes,” replied Midwife, turning to me. “Hello there, Pure Vessel. It’s so nice to see a familiar face again. Do I have your permission to examine your eggs?”
I hesitated. Ghost had brought her here and Hornet trusted her to act professionally, but all my instincts were screaming at me that here was a predator. She could not be trusted.
Hornet took my hand. “Hollow, do you trust me?”
I nodded. Of course I did. She was my beloved little sister, who had been so patient with me when I had emerged from the Black Egg, a pathetic and broken wreck. She had every reason to repudiate me after my miserable failure at containing the Radiance had ruined her life, but she didn’t. Instead she stayed with me, took care of me and loved me. I owed her so very much.
I took a deep breath that I did not actually need, and then released it. I did not trust Midwife, but I could trust my sister’s judgement. I could trust that my sibling would act if Midwife tried anything funny with my eggs. Hornet, with my permission, slowly picked up Silver’s egg and handed it to Midwife.
Midwife knocked on multiple areas of each of my eggs and listened to the sound made. She called for a large basin of water and put the eggs in to see if they floated or not. She then requested for a lumafly lantern and held up each egg towards the light. I held myself still through all the tests while my Shade tied itself into more and more knots.
At last, Midwife concluded her tests and gave her verdict: all of the eggs were duds. None of them would ever hatch. My Pearl, my Silver, my Joy. I would never get to cuddle them or nuzzle their little faces. Midwife tried to console me by telling me that there were plenty of bugs that had laid infertile clutches at first, but then went on to have plenty of children, but I was too miserable to heed her words.
Ghost then grabbed Midwife and warped off, presumably to take her back to Deepnest. As soon as she was gone, I started sobbing. Vessels could not usually weep, but due to the damage the Radiance caused to my right eye, it would now leak Void whenever I was upset in a parody of tears.
Hornet hugged me. “Oh, Hollow, I’m so sorry.”
I clung to her. It wasn’t her fault at all that my useless, broken body couldn’t produce even one fertile egg. I knew of course that Hornet had better things to do than comfort one broken Vessel and that I should let her go, but every time I tried to make myself stop crying, it took a single glance at my eggs to set me off once more. Pearl. Silver. Joy. They had never existed in the first place, so why did I grieve for them so?
Ghost soon returned, back in their Vessel form, and joined in with the sibling hug. “I’m so sorry, Hollow.”
I nodded. I was sorry too.
They then pulled out a Charm shaped like an Aspid. “Here, you can have Glowing Womb. If you wear it, you’ll give birth to hatchlings.”
I pushed the Charm away. “I don’t want any fake babies! I want my children!”
Then came a sudden cough. I looked up to see Father standing in the doorway. Hornet immediately bristled upon seeing him.
“Go away!” she snapped.
My sister was justifiably angry at our father, yes, but her anger came from a place of hurt. My sibling on the other hand, genuinely hates our father, and would have killed him when he first reappeared were it not for my intervention. I suspected that their hatred of him was not just because of him locking them away along with the rest of our siblings, but for what had happened in the Abyss afterwards. They always refused to speak about it the few times I asked, and if Ghost who could laugh about being nearly raped and joke about dying multiple times wouldn’t talk about something, then that meant that it was Bad.
Ghost wouldn’t kill Father, but that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t hurt him. As it was, all the shadows in the room were darkening and growing towards him, ready to slash and stab.
“Ghost, please,” I begged. “Don’t hurt him.”
Ghost met my eyes and the shadows returned to normal. Here was one of the miracles which I did not deserve: that despite everything between us, my sibling still loved me more than they hated our father.
“I saw Midwife coming into the house earlier,” started Father. “The eggs were infertile, weren’t they?”
I keened at the reminder, though only my sibling heard me and they patted my hand comfortingly while glaring at our father.
Father wrung his hands together. “It’s a perfectly normal thing, actually. For Wyrms, I mean. The laying of infertile eggs. Our eggs are only fertile after a heat.”
My mask grew warm at the mention of a heat, and Father’s awkward explanation of what a heat was, and what the signs of an incoming one were, only made it worse. I was still figuring out how to be a functional bug – romance, much less anything more, was completely off the table for now.
“Thank you for the explanation,” interjected Hornet, after Father’s explanation petered out into awkward silence. “We’ll figure things out if the signs of one ever start – whether it is to get a heat suppressant, or something else. Now, get out of our house.”
Father obediently left the house. Once he was done, Ghost pointed to the eggs and asked, “So, what are we going to do about those?”
“If you’re asking about what we’re going to do about the dud eggs, little Ghost, then it is customary in Deepnest for the egg-layer to devour them and take its strength back into themselves,” said Hornet.
I flinched. Even though I knew that they were infertile, I was loath to crack them open, much less eat my own eggs.
“Or we can do it the way Hallownestians do, and just bury the eggs,” continued Hornet.
We dug a hole for the eggs just behind our house. Once the hole was ready, I lowered my eggs into them one by one. Goodbye Pearl. Goodbye Silver. Goodbye Joy. You never really existed, but I loved you in that short time I thought you did anyway. Hornet shoved the dirt back over the hole and it was done.
But it wasn’t really over. The nest I had constructed out of my many pillows and blankets seemed so bare and empty that it made me want to start crying again. Having Ghost sit in it made me feel so much better. I wanted them to be in my nest forever. The few times I woke up to find them missing from the nest had me stumbling through the house, sobbing and begging for them to come back, which they always did. Part of me knew that I was behaving irrationally, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
Of course, I didn’t spend all day sitting in my nest. Whenever Hornet was around, I would have her sit in my nest while I took care of the cooking and cleaning. I love my sister and sibling dearly, but neither of them are good at cleaning. Our house would look like a garbage dump, if it was solely up to them. As it is, I have had to frequently remind them to wipe their feet clean before stepping into the house.
I was just going to tell Hornet that dinner was ready when I overheard her telling Ghost that “Himself” had said that the brooding instincts took about a week to die down, “Himself” being her term for Father since she refused to call him that since his return.
I looked down as shame filled me at her words. I really was so very selfish. Ghost had done so much for me, what with returning to Hallownest for me, becoming a god just so that I could be free from the Radiance and the Black Egg, and then sticking around and looking after the wretched wreck that I was post-imprisonment. And now this: having to be my egg-substitute and stay in my nest when they actually wanted to wander about and visit their friends. All I did was take and take.
I lifted my chin. But I could do better. I could be a better sibling, less needy and less of a burden from now on.
I squared my shoulders and walked into my bedroom. I signed to Hornet, “Dinner’s ready,” and then turned to Ghost and said, “Ghost, I’ve been doing some thinking. You don’t need to be my egg-substitute anymore. I’ll just use one of my pillows from now on.”
Ghost stared at me. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I said, trying not to quiver at the thought of my empty nest, sans of eggs or siblings. “You can go visit your friends or just wander about Hallownest like usual. No need to bother about me, haha.”
“It’s fine,” replied Ghost. “I don’t mind being your egg-substitute for a few more days.”
“Are you sure it’s fine?” I asked, trying not to waver in my resolve to be more unselfish. “You don’t want to go visit Mato or Sheo or the Snail Shaman or any of your other friends?”
Ghost shrugged. “Eh, they can wait for a few more days.”
Well, if they were sure…
“What are you two talking about?” demanded Hornet. “Not all of us can use Voidspeech, you know?”
Ghost pointed to the wall, jerked a thumb at me and then gave our sister a significant look.
Hornet’s frown eased up. “Ah. I see.”
Well, I didn’t see. For all that Hornet couldn’t use Voidspeech, she and Ghost somehow managed to communicate via a few gestures and significant looks that still eluded me after all this time.
Hornet got out of my bed. “Well, since dinner is ready, shall we go eat before it gets cold?”
And so we did. Well, at least Hornet and I ate. Ghost, having no mouth to eat, had to contend themselves with a bowl of water from the hot springs, in which they put their hands in to soak up the Soul.
After dinner, Hornet and Ghost helped me clear the dishes and wash up. Once that was done, I wished Hornet goodnight before picking up Ghost and bearing them back to my bedroom. Once we were in, I mischievously tossed them towards my bed. Their wings flared out once before they landed right in the centre of my nest. A perfect landing.
I got into my nest and used a blanket to wrap up my sibling before I affectionately nuzzled their mask.
“Nice sibling. Sweet sibling. So good for me,” I crooned. “I will protect you. Keep you safe and warm.”
They freed one arm to pat me on the snout. “Yes, yes, I’m a good egg-substitute, and you’re doing an excellent job looking after me. Now, let’s go to sleep.”
I pulled them into a one-armed embrace and held them until we both fell asleep.
The next day, just before it was time to cook lunch, Hornet dumped a live tiktik with a red ribbon around its neck into my nest.
I looked at her quizzically. “Hornet, why is there a tiktik in my nest?”
“I thought that it could be a pet for you,” answered Hornet. “It’s fine if you don’t want it though. We can just cook it for lunch in that case.”
I protectively pulled the tiktik into my lap. “No, don’t hurt it! You said that it’s a pet, so a pet it shall be.”
Hornet put her hands into two of her pockets. “I’m glad you like it. What are you going to name it then? Pets need names, you know.”
“Soul-Snack,” suggested Ghost a little too eagerly.
“Absolutely not,” I objected. “It’s not food.”
A lumafly flickered to life inside my mind. I patted the tiktik that was curiously exploring my lap before signing to my sister and sibling, “I’m going to name it Not-Food. Because it’s not for eating.”
Hornet nodded. “Alright, Not-Food it is then.”
I looked down at the tiktik in my lap. Hello there, Not-Food. Welcome to the family.