Work Text:
"May she also say with just pride: 'I have done the State some service.'"
-
I remember when she said those words, all those years ago, before it happened...
I remember the bright, blue ocean water as I was still patrolling, and had other planes in the sky... If only I could've stopped it... To be there...
-
I had departed 9 days earlier, when I was helping to transport other support, and defensive aircraft to another one of our island-outposts out in the deep sea. I was south of where it would happen, and I remember it being so sudden...
-
I was polishing my hat, and sitting on the edge of the flight deck, when I remember detecting something on the interior of the hull.
I quickly made a run for the communications room, and I remember that dreadful moment, that horrible, unbelievable, terrifying moment...
I was desperate to wait for the papers to print from the radio, maybe it was the preparation of some kind of event? Or maybe some others just wanted to check on me, and see how I'm doing? I was quickly looking around for my code book to decipher the message, only this time, there was nothing to conceal it, it was clear words on it.
I remember receiving an urgent radiogram that said a few simple words that changed my life forever.
The paper I was holding in my hand said words that made my eyes go wide:
"AIR RAID AZUR LANE BASE. THIS IS NOT DRILL,"
-
When I saw that, my eyes went wide. What was happening up north!?
I ran up to the bridge, a panicked expression on my face, and I looked to the horizon up north. Damn it! Why did I have to be so far out!?
At that moment, I remembered I had an SBD Dive bomber squadron out in the air conducting a patrol. I quickly made back for the comms room, tumbling down the stairs in my haste, holding onto my cap as I rolled down.
I didn't care about the bruises at that point, my friends and only family I've known were in danger, and I couldn't just stand idly by as they were suffering in these very seconds.
-
I picked up the microphone, and remember shakily, but firmly speaking those words:
"Commander of the Air Group, prepare your squad for engagement of the enemy!" I remember almost shouting.
"Affirmative, standing by for orders!" He responded.
I remember the last time I saw him that morning, he was smiling at me, shaking my hand as he and his squadron were finalizing the preparations for takeoff on patrol.
I spoke into the microphone once again:
"We're returning to the Azur Lane Base at full speed, our allies are under attack as I speak!" I remember almost shouting into it once again.
"Affirmative, heading northeast!" I remember him firmly stating, a sense of relief washed over me when he said that, at least my friends would have some allies to back them up.
Then I turned it off, and ran for the bridge, to the PA system. I snatched that microphone, and once again, almost shouted:
"Get some fighters in the air! The Azur Lane Base is under attack! On the double!" I shouted.
Alarms were raised all across my ship, as sailors, and pilots alike dropped what they were doing, it didn't matter if they were eating in the canteen, conducting other duties like cleaning, or enjoying their break time in their quarters, maybe reading. I remember that every single one of them got up, left behind their previous tasks, and all got to their stations.
I remember seeing several pilots out on the deck, running for the planes that the maintenance crews had placed on deck for them. Almost immediately, the moment they closed their cockpits, they took off within minutes.
And I? I stood there at the front of the flight deck, keeping an eye on the blue horizon, waiting for any sign of activity, as I saw our brave fighter pilots fly off into the distance of the Azur Lane Base.
I may have looked like the bold, stubborn warrior I still am at that moment, at the front of the flight deck, in the open, exposed to gunfire, and have barely evolved from. But in that moment, in my head, I was panicking, terrified at how many might've been lost, or gravely wounded. I wanted to cry, but that moment was no time for emotion.
-
I saw smoke in the distance, and I observed something burning in the distance. My heart was panicking, I wanted to get closer, but I couldn't...
I remember one of the sailors walked beside me, and offered me a pair of binoculars. I snatched them from his hands, and quickly looked through them.
-
I remember seeing the Dive bomber squadron return from the base in the distance, when the Air Group Commander and his squad landed, he swiftly told me that they had done all they could, and ran to find a maintenance crew to repair their planes, and find them some actual fighter planes.
I was still shocked, and in disbelief that this could happen. Who was attacking us? Why?
-
We had gotten a little closer, and I took my opportunity to look through the binoculars again.
There, I saw who would become the 6 Tyrants of the seas.
I saw Akagi, Kaga, Hiryuu, Souryuu, Shoukaku, and Zuikaku, all on the flight deck of Akagi's ship. She was the one leading it, she was standing in the center at the front of the flight deck, that sadistic smile she always had, watching in the distance, as our home base was being bombed before her.
I don't know what was going on in her head at that point, all I remember was anger.
-
When I saw her, something ignited in me that day, I think it ignited my heart, but the anger within me... If I could breathe fire, I'd burn them down.
But it was only the beginning that would take me down a long path, a long path that would expose me to much of the pain and horror that plagued our world for generations.
-
I remember pointing and standing firmly, as I ordered our ship to make for the harbor, we couldn't go any faster, and we were already at full speed. But I remember shouting, nonetheless.
"Full speed ahead!" And I said it with anger, and fire in my voice.
-
It was already too late, when I got there, several of the other Ship Girls were already in the water, knocked out by the bombing, and attacks from the relentless onslaught of fighters and bombers in the sky.
I remember before we engaged them, I ordered the commander of the Air Group, and his squad to take off immediately, he was more than happy, and the maintenance crews had finally found him and his squad some actual fighters.
-
There was smoke everywhere, but I remember the one who was clearly the spotlight when the Kaga's ship was in her true form. She had Unicorn pinned and was about to kill her.
I don't know which pilot saved her that day, but when I saw them defy the Kaga's finishing attack, I felt a massive sense of pride, and relief wash over me at the same time.
If I knew who it was, I would shake their hand and personally thank them for the save.
It would be then, that the spotlight of the battle was all on me... And I, being the bold, stubborn warrior I always was, took it in like a badge of honor. I always did.
-
Three years later, we were making progress, the Sakura Empire's gambit had already failed, and it was just a matter of time before their empire was brought to its knees.
The Horrible wounds that were inflicted on me as the years went on, and I witnessed several of my sisters sink right before me.
I remember looking them all in the eye as they went down.
Lexington at the Coral Sea,
Yorktown at midway,
and Hornet at the Solomons.
-
I remember the Coral Sea, upper command said they "had to" declare it a success, but I internally differed, the anger in me was worse than when they had bombed the harbor, we lost Lexington, and I watched as I cruised along, but the torpedo bombers from Shoukaku, and Zuikaku were too much, and I witnessed as her ship capsized, sinking beside mine, going down, and yet, I was still cruising along, afloat. And yet, Zuikaku, and Shoukaku were still afloat, albeit damaged horribly and retreated, but they still got away with it.
I wanted to sail over to their fleet, alone even, and kill them both...
It was that moment, something in me died.
I remember that Midway was declared to be a huge success by upper command, and I had to agree with them, but I didn't just agree with them, I rejoiced in great success. If you asked me that day, I would've said that the Azur Lane Base was avenged in a great deal, but part of me still remembered the Coral Sea that day, with a twitch in my eye, I remembered Lexington's eyes, as I stared into them from the distance between our two ships, she was dead, her lifeless body lying on the flight deck, after she gave the final order to evacuate all the crew and pilots before she finally went down...
I remembered the great success we had struck hours ago, with Akagi, Kaga, Hiryuu, and Souryuu all sunk... I wanted to burst open with happiness, we had avenged the Azur Lane Base in that massive amount, but Shoukaku, and Zuikaku still remained at large.
It was that moment, something poisonous grew within me.
Some of my crew questioned my significant rejoice, as I kept cheering, almost hysterically at the sinking of the entire enemy carrier fleet at midway.
We had sunk the entire carrier fleet, but my excitement was the most triumphant when I learned that it was my, MY dive bombers that had finally dealt the finishing blow to Akagi, finishing their flagship carrier.
I think I remember the Bombers mentioning that she had a look of "Surprise", "Sadness", and "Acceptance" in her face when she went down, or at least that's what they say they could see from their cockpits.
Then, one of the TBF Avenger pilots said that she looked to the left, as her body lie all bloody and wounded on the carrier flight deck, looking to her sister ship, Kaga. Maybe tears were flowing down her eyes as she witnessed her sister's ship burn, and that smirk on her face finally wiped off as she accepted, and recognized her defeat... But I don't think it was the defeat that made her cry.
The excitement in me that day, it felt as if confetti had gone off within me.
But my pride overshadowed my grief, and loss. We had lost Yorktown that day, but my pride was too great, and I remember feeling almost nothing at all for her, when the greatest success was striking back at those carriers for the Harbor attack.
I remember the defense of the Solomons, at the Santa Cruz Islands.
Hornet came under heavy attack from dive bombers, and torpedo bombers, I tried to do what I can.
When I received word that you were under attack by a large enemy force, it felt like the harbor all over again. I panicked, and without a second thought, ordered all the fighter pilots in the sky. I was desperate and scared that you wouldn't make it.
Unfortunately, you didn't.
-
I was particularly close to Hornet, but when I saw her sink in the distance, my anger was already depleted.
I couldn't be angry, because I was already too angry for years...
I knew it was Shoukaku that had sunk you, and I still wanted to kill her.
But my anger was already dead, nothing was left within me...
I saw so many planes dive towards you...
I saw so many bombers align to you...
I saw as their payloads unclasped from the bottom of their hulls, and saw as the fire ignited on your deck, and beneath you at your hull. And it all went up in fire and smoke at the greatest heights...
I saw you wave to me with your hat, I couldn't see your expression, but if I had to guess, you looked desperate and scared.
I was too...
I reached out a hand, a hopeless expression on my face, as I saw you slowly sink in the distance. An expression of disbelief, an expression of sympathy, an expression of guilt, and an expression of loss.
I'm sorry, all of you... I'm sorry for not being a better sister...
-
I remember standing there with my arms cross, on the flight deck, a proud look on my face as our TBF torpedo bombers took off, and flew west to Leyte Gulf, armed with several bombs to support our attacking troops.
My ship, and I was stationed east of Leyte Gulf, and Samar Island, supporting attacking ground troops, when one of the crew walked to my side, and handed me a paper. I could tell he was a radioman, and I nodded to him as he walked away.
I read the paper, and my eyes widened a bit when it mentioned that the Zuikaku had been sunk far in the north just minutes, close to an hour ago.
A long score had finally been settled with this. With the sinking of the Zuikaku, all the carriers that had attacked the harbor were gone.
I wanted to rejoice, I wanted to celebrate, I wanted to be happy for striking back after all we had lost...
But I didn't feel it...
I remember feeling something grey within me that day, like a dead tree.
But after everything I'd been through, all my sisters that I had loved, and lost, were gone with it too...
I was the only one remaining.
Why did I have to survive? When all the others died before me? Why?
I remember after Hornet sunk, I felt something else grow within me, but it was something I wanted to push away but couldn't stop feeling.
I think it was a feeling of resilience.
I had always been that way, so was my crew. I don't know what it was that kept me up, but all I knew was that I refused to go down. I don't know why, maybe it was patriotism? Maybe it was the will to survive? Or maybe it was for them? I don't know. But I do know that I survived, when you all had died...
-
As time passed, and the war was finally over, the Sakura Empire had been reformed into a more free, non-authoritarian society. I felt little accomplishment at what we had achieved with this significant victory, for we may have gained a lot, I have lost so much more...
I felt the guilt built up in me as I departed from the Empire's Harbor, and I remembered all the suffering, all the screams, the desperate acts, and the horrible things people had done to survive.
One of those people was me.
It was 2 families who almost didn't even know what they were fighting for, all we knew was that we had to do something, and that something was rip each other apart.
We both had suffered greatly because of that. I took away sisters from the Akagi because she took them away from me.
But now the regret is piling up, and I know now of the horrible things I had done...
I'm sorry, I'm sorry I sail before the graves of so many who had died in the cold waters, drowned, or killed, I am sorry.
But I am most sorry to all of you, those who I have lost, and those who I have killed.
I used to think we are just soldiers, not even considered to be human. Just cannon fodder to be expended in battle.
But after all I had been through, I now see that we are so much more...
-
I now lay in my bed, laying as the morning sunlight shines upon me, the blue sky hangs overhead, and beautiful, just as the day I was first launched.
I was interrupted by the sound of the mail slot, and I woke up, tiredly standing up and stretching a bit, then walking over to the door for the mail.
I picked it up and turned on the light. I tiredly opened the contents of the envelope.
When I read what I saw, I felt shock, and sadness.
The Navy has decided that I am to be decommissioned and retired.
-
When I read that letter, I was shocked, and my mind flashed back to all the times of the war, and my life I had spent in the navy, and the sisters and friends I made along the way.
Well, to be fair, I was getting older, and they needed more advanced technology.
Belfast would've punched me in the head if I said that.
But I remembered all the friends I made along the way, but most importantly was my sisters. I no longer had them, and I felt alone, despite the fact that I had so many amazing friends here.
I sighed heavily, when it said that it was to take effect in 3 days, but until then I am still the proudest carrier of the Eagle Union... Well, partially.
My reputation and popularity had been dropping slowly, and it's about 75% of what it used to be. New technology and ships had been produced, and I was becoming one of many for the older generation.
It felt kind of funny, to be in such glory, and power, and then all of a sudden, it's all taken away from you.
But I felt a bit relaxed, they've agreed to give me a pension, and a home at the mainland country that I will live for the rest of my life, provided that I keep my past a secret to all those who meet me on the way.
-
I decided that in order to make my final leave known, I will host some kind of event with the help of Belfast in order to honor my final leave after so many honorable years of service.
And there I stand at the front door interior to the headquarters, in my uniform, outside a massive stage with the curtains in the pattern of the Eagle Union flag.
For the first time, in such a long, LONG while, I'm feeling nervous.
Out there, stand and sit Ship Girls, both young, and old, from the past, and just newly commissioned, ready to witness, and hear the statement of the infamous Grey Ghost's final leave before I disappear into the public, an old, unknown war hero lost to time.
I tighten my tie, adjust my cap, and put on my overcoat, as I prepare to walk out there, my breathing is heavy.
These are new Ship Girls, and they're actually going to see the retirement of an old, famed war hero who they've hardly ever heard of before, and even if they did, they had not seen in action, and probably doubt some of the legendary tales.
I begin to walk out the door, and behind the stage, finally opening the curtain, and walk up to the podium, my heart beating heavily as my nervousness begins to rise.
I put my hands on the podium surface, and clasp it.
I then lean forward, enough for the microphone to hear me, and begin my statement with some opening words, words that I haven't heard in a long time, but relate to me.
"May I also say with just pride: 'I have done the State some service.'"