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When Jungwon woke up, he thought he saw glitter.
He squinted as he looked around the room, with what looked like fairy lights encircling him. Once he yawned and stretched, however, he could see they were Christmas lights, white like snow.
Oh, right! It was Christmas day, and Jay… wasn’t beside him.
In fact, he wasn’t anywhere in the room, yet he’d left the door open slightly, not enough to let any light in. Apparently, he also put up the lights before Jungwon woke up.
He hobbled out of the room, sleep still clinging in the way he walked. There were lights everywhere. Jay also taped little paper snowflakes to the wall, and Jungwon felt like he was walking through a winter wonderland.
The smell hit him when he reached the top of the stairs. It was sweet, almost like a cake. Whatever it was, it had finished cooking by the time he got to the landing. The oven blared with that overly-loud jingle and Jungwon winced. Of all the ovens they could’ve bought, it had to be that one.
Once he got to the kitchen, he could see them. A tray of festive-shaped cookies laid out on the marble kitchen island, cooling down as Jay made frosting.
“Morning,” Jay greeted. He didn’t have to look to know. Jungwon walked up and hugged him from behind; something he’d always done when Jay made breakfast. Although it wasn’t a traditional breakfast, something about it felt special.
Jay turned his head and kissed Jungwon’s cheek once he’d settled on his shoulder. “Merry Christmas, honey.”
As a response, Jungwon hummed. “Are we having cookies for breakfast?” He asked it with a smile on his face, smug like he knew the answer.
Jay paused what he was doing and turned his head again, this time to stare at Jungwon. “No, these are for New Years.” It pulled a laugh out of him.
“You could've said yes, you know.” Jungwon stared at Jay's hands while he mixed the drops of color into the icing. He'd been wondering how a wedding band would look sitting on them for the last couple of months.
He shook the thought out of his head, however. It wasn't the time.
Jay shrugged. “Less fun that way.” He finished mixing the last of the icing before Jungwon pulled away. He didn't want to, but clinging to his boyfriend while he iced the cookies seemed like a bad idea.
Even more so when Jay asked, “help me decorate them?”
Jungwon didn’t turn him down. In fact, he already had ideas when he walked in and glanced at the cookies. There was one shaped like Santa, but he grabbed the green icing and turned it into the Grinch.
While he piped it on, he had a smug grin on his face. Jay did not know what he was doing—he was too busy making a beautiful Christmas tree adorned with all kinds of candy ornaments. Jungwon finished the eyes, and then Jay noticed.
“Jungwon—is that the Grinch?” He stared with wide eyes and blinked. Jungwon prided himself in being unpredictable with things like that.
He giggled. “Yep! Could you pass me the red, please?”
Reluctantly, Jay did. In fact, Jungwon wanted to make it his best work—he spent the rest of the time working on it while Jay finished the rest of the cookies. By the time both of them had finished, it was already nine in the morning.
“I’m hungry,” Jungwon complained. He took a seat in the barstool across from Jay, who slid the plate of cookies over and sat beside him.
He leaned over and kissed the top of Jungwon's head. “Go ahead and eat, baby.”
And he did. The cookies themselves tasted amazing, but the icing Jay made enhanced them tenfold. Sure, it helped that they were still warm, but Jay's cooking and baking had always been top tier. Even other people thought so—their friends came over for dinner all the time.
It painted a picture of domesticity. Two boys sat at their kitchen island, elbows against marble countertops, eating fresh-baked Christmas cookies and spending their Christmas morning together. Jungwon didn’t care about the gifts; having Jay by his side was enough. It meant the world to him that Jay loved him so much.
It hadn’t been long until the plate was empty. Although Jungwon probably ate more than he should’ve—he couldn’t have blamed himself.
He started pouring himself a cup of coffee when the doorbell rang. Jay ran to get it while Jungwon poured his, too. He’d been with Jay long enough to have perfected his coffee. Two spoons of sugar and half a cup of creamer. He knew it like he knew his own.
“It smells so good in here! What did you guys make?” Jungwon recognized the voice right away. Jake had been a mutual friend since they were in high school, and you never had him without Heeseung. It was the same back then, too; Jake introduced him one day because they had a class together. The rest was history. That was why he heard three pairs of footsteps approaching behind him.
“We made cookies,” said Jay, reaching into the oven. He pulled out another pan of them, already decorated. Jungwon knew he saw another pan at some point.
Once he’d figured it out, he pouted at his boyfriend. Jay replied to his expression with a smile. “Yes, I saved some for them. You can still have a few, baby.”
At that, Jungwon grinned again. Jake and Heeseung, on the other hand, groaned in unison. It wasn’t the first time their friends acted that way—in high school, whenever they were affectionate, it always brought out the detestment of their friends.
As he did back then, Jungwon laughed again. It was a running joke before Heeseung and Jake got together that they were the only single ones. One day they headed to school hand in hand, ready to prove everyone wrong, and the rest was history. Jungwon himself was quite happy for them.
It didn’t stop the groans, though. Those would haunt him and Jay for the rest of time.
“These are really good!” Jake said, with his mouth full. Crumbs flew everywhere before he covered his mouth and Jay slapped the back of his head.
“Chew with your mouth closed,” he griped. “Don’t ruin my beautiful marble.” Jay frowned as he wiped down the counter with an old tattered rag. He got a new phone every year, and refused to let anyone sit on the kitchen counters, but he still kept the housewarming gifts his mother gave them when they moved in.
He also kept the note Jungwon used to ask him out—he put it in its own box in the top of their bedroom closet.
Jake apologized after he finished the cookie. “Didn't know you were so weird about your new counters.”
That earned him another slap on the head, of course. Heeseung came to his rescue soon after, holding him close and petting his head all while he gave Jay a death glare.
“Alright, behave,” said Jungwon as he cleaned up the rest. “Don't get yourselves on the naughty list.” He took the plate of cookies after everyone had some, and luckily, there were still a few left he could sneak for himself later.
He put them where no one would find them—guests wouldn’t, at least.
From his pocket, Jay pulled out a small pack of Uno cards. “Well, now that we already want to kill each other, who’s up to play?”
It was their tradition, sort of. Jake started it a couple years ago by bringing a pack in his jacket when they went over. Every year since then, they all sat on the living room carpet threatening to bury each other alive. Ironically, they all enjoyed it and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jake already sent his death glare Jay’s way as they sat on the soft carpet. Those two had a specific rivalry—it formed one year after they found a special version of the game with a plus five. Jay ended up getting six of them and hit Jake with each one. To that day, Jake held his grudge close.
A few minutes later, the first card off the deck lied in the center. A yellow two; and it was Jungwon’s turn to lay another one from his hand. They kept going around the circle—well, square, more like—until Jake had one card left, and Jungwon had used a reverse a few seconds prior.
Heeseung had his deck aimed at Jake. And the next thing they all knew; he laid a plus four on top. “Sorry,” he said. “We’re all trying to win, bub.”
Jake’s face twisted into something indescribable. He turned to Heeseung with an unnerving, wide smile. “Wow! I really want to marry you so bad, hyung! Just like Jay wants to marry Jungwonnie, isn’t that right?”
What?
Jungwon looked over at Jay, who stared at Jake with his eyes wide. “What do you mean?” he hissed through bared teeth.
He never got a response. All he got was Jake staring at him with a smug grin, not saying a thing. Heeseung stared, too, but with a less intimidating smirk. The entire room went silent, Jungwon noticed.
But why? Why was everyone acting so weird, even Jay? He looked around, searching for some kind of answer, but he couldn’t find it. In fact, he didn’t know what to look for in any of them.
They resumed the game without another word about what happened. Jungwon stayed how he was—confused, but kept himself with the group while they played. It still left a lingering thought in his mind, though—one of marriage.
He could almost see it. Leaves wrapped around limestone pillars, clinging inside the little carved-out divots. The sun had already set, leaving the twinkling lights around them as their only sight. Both he and Jay in beautiful custom-tailored suits, dancing around after everyone went home.
“Are you fucking serious?”
Jungwon snapped back to reality to see Jake and Heeseung’s gaping mouths, turned towards Jay, who had the most victorious smile on his handsome face. He had no cards in his hands—on top of the deck laid a green seven.
“I swear he cheated!” Jake shouted. “There’s no way! How does he end up winning almost every time?!”
Jay himself doubled over in laughter. In reality, Jungwon knew he had the perfect poker face. Even back in high school, Jungwon couldn't tell what he was thinking. It was more around the time he asked Jay out, but still. He won almost every card game with it.
Despite his outburst, Jake quickly moved on. It seemed he had something on his mind; he kept glancing at Jungwon and smiling. When they were exchanging their own friend gifts, he asked, in a strange, off-putting tone, “what do you think yours will be, Jungwon? Will it be something special?”
He blinked. Frowning, he looked away and mumbled, “no, I’ll be opening it later…why?” They were all acting so strange, and it eluded him. When he looked over at Jay, he only shrugged.
“They’re being weird, Wonnie, don’t worry about it.” And, well—he guessed it was true. They were always acting weird, weren’t they?
By the time Heeseung and Jake left, it was almost five in the evening. Jay fed them lunch, let them watch an anime on the TV, then he sent them on their way. Jungwon never heard what Jay said to them at the door, but maybe it was nothing.
It was nothing, right?
After all was done, Jay flopped down on the couch and rested his head back against the cushions. His sigh was almost like one of relief, which had Jungwon wondering. That time, he voiced it.
“No seriously, hyung, what was that about?” With a few swift motions, he was leaning against Jay’s chest, and his knees swung over his thighs. “That’s not their usual weird.”
Instead of answering the question, Jay looked at Jungwon and asked his own. “Would you like to open your gift, Jungwonnie?” Jungwon would call him out for dodging it, but his smile seemed sincere.
He giggled. “Alright.”
While Jay went upstairs to grab it, Jungwon was left wondering. Christmas music played through a crackling speaker as he thought, how special could this be? Was it a necklace with his initials? Some kind of memorabilia of their high school years? It was all he could think of, anyway. He got lost in his thoughts yet again until Jay came back down the stairs with a neatly-wrapped box in his hands.
It sat in Jungwon’s hands like it was always meant to be there. His fingers curved around the hard edges and wrinkled the patterned cat wrapping paper. The cats were orange and black, like they’d always referred to themselves.
“Open it,” Jay whispered. So, he did.
He tore through the paper and opened the box to see a piece of paper. It was a little strange, but everything else that day had been, too. Jungwon guessed he’d just trust it—after all, it was Jay. He’d trust Jay with his life if he asked.
Jungwon flipped it over to see the words he wrote when he asked Jay out. Each one, carved out in black ink, smudged by years of handling. “This is—” he choked, “—it’s the note I used to…”
Jay inched closer so he could throw an arm around Jungwon’s shoulder. “I wrote something else,” he mumbled. “At the bottom.”
He was right. There, at the bottom, past all the ramblings of a highschooler, was another note, fresher than the last.
♡
My Jungwonnie,
I don’t know if I’ll be able to say any of this out loud. You know I’m bad with my words.
I just love you so much. It’s hard to describe it. I’ve tried, multiple times, over the six years we’ve been together. None of it came out the way I wanted it to, though. So, I’ll try writing a note.
When I first met you, it was hard to believe you were real. I thought you were some sort of angel that came to collect me after I died. But then we touched, and I knew I’d never love anyone else. And I won’t for as long as I live.
Jungwon, you are the reason my sun rises in the morning. You’re the reason I get up at all. Whenever I have a bad day at work, or I just wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you’re there. You’re always there when I come home, and I couldn’t ask for anyone better. You are my everything.
Even if we fight, I know you still love me. I see it in the way you bring me an apology cup of coffee afterwards. I know it in the way you hug me and cuddle me on our couch. I love you, too. As bad as I am with words, I still find the ones to say it every day. That’s how much you matter to me, Jungwonnie.
I want us to be…us, for the rest of our lives. I always want you to have a spot next to me in bed, and life in general. I want you. Forever.
It’s why I’m writing this in the first place instead of having a speech planned out. I trip over my words too much, but I wanted to ask you directly. Without nerves, and without pausing to collect myself.
My Yang Jungwon,
will you marry me?
♡
Jungwon almost couldn’t believe his eyes. He stared in shock, rereading the last line over and over again. His hands shook as he turned to look at Jay with tears in his eyes.
In Jay’s hands lied a small black box, opened to reveal the prettiest diamond-encrusted band of silver. He was crying, too.
“Of course I will,” Jungwon said, muffled by Jay’s shirt when they hugged. Jay didn’t care if his shirt got a little wet, and Jungwon didn’t care if he had snot running down his face. The warmth of it all was enough.
“I’m glad.” After they pulled apart, Jay took the ring out and slid it perfectly onto Jungwon’s finger. It shone under the light with a perfect glimmer. Perfect. Everything was perfect.
Then, Jungwon pulled Jay into a kiss. It felt no different to their normal kisses, but Jungwon knew there was one. He wasn’t kissing his boyfriend anymore—he was kissing his fiancé.
“I love you,” he said against Jay's mouth. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, baby. So much.” They stared into each other's eyes with stars shared between them. Jungwon giggled at how perfect the day had been.
But then, a thought wormed its way to the front of Jungwon's mind.
“Oh my god, is that why those two were acting so weird, earlier?” It all made sense. Jake's comments, Heeseung's looks—they were all because they knew. They knew, and they made it so fucking obvious.
Jay laughed, bright and happy. “Yeah, I told them a few weeks ago. Those fuckers don't know how to act.”
They giggled with their heads knocked together, like the two cats on the discarded wrapping paper. The day was perfect; the night was about to be, as well.
Jay sealed it by holding Jungwon in his arms and carrying him up the stairs to their bedroom. Even while Jay's hands pinned him down, he never stopped looking at that ring.
He had a feeling he wouldn't for a long, long time.