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Zhang Hao had a habit. Besides his thunderous snoring, he also occasionally talked in his sleep. This didn’t make him a very desirable roommate but it was nothing that noise cancelling headphones couldn’t fix. Hanbin didn’t realise until over a year of knowing each other but he was a heavy sleeper. Either that or his brain got used to the snores very quickly. Despite how often they slept together, they also both fell asleep very quickly so Hanbin only learnt during one time when they were in a car together on their way back from a schedule. No one in the car had enough energy to talk so Hanbin stayed on his phone, scrolling on Instagram reels and laughing at something that the younger members would’ve raised their eyebrows at. Luckily for him, Zhang Hao wasn’t one of the younger members so he tilted his phone to show the other but instead of a witty comment or chuckle all he heard was something in Chinese. Hanbin didn’t know Chinese.
“Huh?”
“He’s asleep.” Ricky whispered from his other side. Another mumbled string of Chinese from Zhang Hao. Hanbin gave Ricky a funny look. Ricky gave him a funny look back. “Don’t you know that he talks in his sleep? Thought you would’ve known by now.” In that moment, Hanbin regretted confiding in him about his miniscule crush on his Hao hyung. But then he thought about it again and there was no way he would’ve told Gyuvin or Yujin. Maybe he should’ve just kept it between himself and Matthew but Matthew kept telling him to confess. Hanbin told him he would someday soon. When was soon? Hard to tell.
Right after learning that Zhang Hao talked in his sleep, Hanbin asked Ricky what Zhang Hao talked about in his dreams but his friend just shrugged his shoulders and told him that not even he could decipher what nonsense their beloved hyung spewed in his sleep. As nonsensical as it may be, Hanbin still wanted to know what he was dreaming of. All the Chinese that he learnt only allowed him to pick up a few common words that provided no context without the rest of the sentence.
Over time, Hanbin got used to the sleeptalk. Just another one of Zhang Hao’s silly little quirks. To anyone else it probably would have probably weirded them out (it did for most of the members) but Hanbin found it cute. Granted, he found everything about him cute. Cute and curious. He asked Zhang Hao several times what he dreamed of but he would always furrow his eyebrows and pout, saying he couldn’t remember. Damn.
It wasn’t a big thing. Just something that tiptoed around the back of his mind. And it wasn’t like he was always talking in his sleep. Most nights were just Zhang Hao snoring like a lawnmower. Hanbin wished that he spoke more. Just so he could get more hints into his dreams. Hints to see if Zhang Hao’s dreams were anything like his own. When Hanbin went to dreamland, his mind was full of Zhang Hao, Zhang Hao, Zhang Hao. Cute dates and bold declarations of love. Indulgent and rich in feelings. He could only dream that Zhang Hao felt the same.
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Hanbin flopped onto his bed. He was extra excited to room with Zhang Hao this time because he could ask him to help his way around Macau but his roommate went out to hang out with some old friends from college and wouldn’t be back for a few more hours. That was fine. If given the chance, Hanbin would also reunite with his old friends but he was left feeling bored. Should he go bother his members? Or go out and explore? Perhaps he could go out to buy some snacks for when Zhang Hao came back. They could watch a movie together and cuddle. He nodded to himself, yeah that sounded good.
So Hanbin soon found himself out in the bustling streets of Macau, the atmosphere was oddly light and he felt floaty despite the heavy crowds. Crazy what excitement can do to a person. His eyes zoned in on a food stall with their menu scrawled on a board at the side. None of the words were legible. Not even the prices but Hanbin decided to buy some food from the stall anyway.
The old lady working there was polite and offered an extra large portion of chicken and egg tarts. Hanbin adamantly tried to pay more but the nice lady still gave him a 500 won coin back in exchange. He was about to leave the change but noticed that the year 2000 was engraved in the coin. The year Zhang Hao was born. Hanbin was a sentimental man who found value in the most mundane things, like coins. He pocketed the coin, full of intentions to give it to Zhang Hao later. With a renewed good feeling about the evening, he felt even lighter than before. Maybe he could do something else with this newfound confidence. Perhaps even muster the courage to tell Zhang Hao how he really felt about his best friend. Wouldn’t that be romantic? Confessing his love with a personal charm.
It would just be like one of his many romantic dreams. They started small. Little daydreams while he watched Zhang Hao perform back in Boys Planet but as the months went by, Zhang Hao starred in more and more of his dreams. It had gotten to the point where it happened every night. Every night he would lay in bed, fantasising about several situations where they would confess their feelings to each other. Maybe tonight those dreams could come true. He was already excited, thinking about cuddling with Zhang Hao and sharing their food in their private room. Sharing whispers and soft touches. Giddiness tumbled around in his stomach as he made his way back to their room.
But when he came back, Zhang Hao was already in bed and asleep. Hanbin sighed and knelt down beside the sleeping beauty. He folded his arms on the mattress and rested his chin on it. Disappointed but not upset about it. You’ve been busy today. Rest well, Hao hyung. What a pretty sight. The image was so calming, he could spend hours counting his eyelashes and moles.
Hanbin stood up to change into his pyjamas but heard something that vaguely sounded like speech. Flicking his head around in panic, he couldn’t figure out where the sound was coming from. Another string of speech. Something about… durians? Eyes snapped towards Zhang Hao’s direction where his lips were moving. Was he talking in his sleep? In Korean? Hanbin didn’t know since when Zhang Hao started talking in his sleep in Korean but he wasn’t going to question it.
“No… Come back Unicornia… How else will I get back to Pegasopolis…” Zhang Hao turned his head so that his voice was muffled in the thick duvet. Hanbin chuckled to himself. His Hao hyung was so silly, even in his dreams.
“No more aegyo… Enough.” Zhang Hao’s head slipped further underneath the sheets, stifling his voice almost completely. Hanbin wanted to hear more so he tiptoed closer. Just as he was about to pull the duvet away from his face, he heard one more very faint mumble.
“Hanbin-ah…”
Hanbin froze. That perked up his ears. Was Zhang Hao awake or was he dreaming about him? Could he simply just sense that he was right there? He stepped back.
“Hanbinnie, let’s go…”
Curiosity fueled him, what kind of dream was it? Where were they going? Was it something mundane? Were the other members in it? Or maybe it was them in another universe. Perhaps they were fighting each other on unicorns. Or maybe it was a different dream. Maybe something that would make Hanbin blush… He shook his head, shaking the thoughts out of his head. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
“I love you…”
“What?” Hanbin’s eyes were wide open. Was this the same dream?
“I love you Hanbin… Cute… Pretty…”
A thrilling rush. His heart was pounding. Zhang Hao confessed to Hanbin through a dream. And dreams were only reflections of reality, right? Zhang Hao loves him. Zhang Hao loves him! He felt giddy. His own fantasies were coming true and it was happening right in front of him right there and then. His romantic feelings were reciprocated. An uncontrollable smile spread across his face. He had spent countless nights dreaming about this moment. Sleepless nights conjuring up thousands of scenarios. Never did he think this would be one of them. All he had to do now was wait for Zhang Hao to wake up so he could confess to him.
“Hanbin…”
What kind of dream was he having? He’s called out his name several times by now. He must’ve really loved calling out his name. Zhang Hao must really like him. Maybe in his dream they were back at home. In his home. Bringing him around Cheonan. Showing him around his childhood home. Or maybe they were playing hide and seek. Maybe that was why Zhang Hao kept calling out his name.
“Hanbin-ah…”
Or maybe this was a different reality. Maybe they lived together in a little cottage in the peaceful and quiet countryside. Perhaps he was running down flower fields while Zhang Hao was calling for him to come back. Back to their home. Just the two of them. Zhang Hao and Hanbin…
“Hanbin!”
Hanbin jerked awake. Awake? He forced his eyes open and looked around him. He was in bed, still in his outside clothes. Did he even leave the room?
“You were talking in your sleep.” Zhang Hao laughed. “I didn’t know you did that too. Sounded like a nice dream but I had no idea what you were saying. I let you sleep in while I went out to buy some food for us. We have to eat the egg tarts in Macau! Didn’t know how much they cost though so I might’ve spent more than I should’ve. The lady working there was really nice though so I don't mind.”
Hanbin could feel his entire body droop. “So you haven’t gone to sleep yet?” A frown on his face when Zhang Hao shook his head. So it was all a dream. None of that happened. The confession was all in his head. His dreams were still dreams. “Oh. Okay. Let me change into something more comfy and then we can eat.” He slipped out of the bedsheets without looking back at the other.
“Don’t take long.” Zhang Hao called out as the bathroom door shut.
Hanbin flung off his top and splashed some cold water onto his face. That was all a dream? Dreaming about scenarios like that wasn’t unfamiliar to him but there was something particularly disappointing about waking up this time. He threw on a pair of pyjamas but as he packed away his jeans, he heard something metal fall onto the ground. It must’ve fallen out of the pocket but what did he leave in there? Scanning the ground, he noticed a won coin. Where did that come from? He rarely carried around change, much less in a foreign country where he couldn't even use it. He picked it up. A won coin with Zhang Hao's birth year engraved. The same coin from his dreams. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe he still had a chance to make his dreams come true.