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Kouign-Amann was tired. Perhaps exhausted, though she continued to dismiss it as simply “tired.”
She had been training at the academy for hours. She did not need the extra training, but she insisted, and her preceptor and fellow paladins were happy to indulge her. She only took breaks to eat light meals, and she continued training, sparring, flying around the academy with all the energy she could muster.
Kouign-Amann ignored the small twinges of pain in her back. She ignored the way her shoulders ached, the way her arm trembled if she held her sword in one place for too long. She ignored her heart beating in her ears, so loud that she could hardly hear her own thoughts. She ignored it all. Instead, she focused on her preceptor’s praises and the other paladins’ joy for her growth. She took all of it to heart, and it encouraged her to keep going and going and going.
It was only when the sun kissed the horizon that her preceptor forced her to go home. She had been there for hours, they said, and they knew she was working hard. But she also needed to give her body time to recover before she trained with such intensity again. They warned against pushing herself too far. Kouign-Amann promised to do just that, but deep down, she was still unsatisfied.
She walked to her home in the glow of the evening light. The closer she got to her home, the more sore she became. Walking was a chore. Her feet protested every step, sending shooting pain up her legs. Her shoulders struggled to hold up her armor, and her sword hung precariously low to the ground. All the while, Kouign-Amann ignored it. She dismissed it all as temporary, something she could recover from after a good night’s sleep.
However, as soon as she unlocked her home and stepped inside, the adrenaline from the day wore off, and she was struck with such intense pain that she almost collapsed. She cried out, only upright thanks to her sword. She hurried into her bedroom and placed her sword down on the floor, and she collapsed on her stomach onto her bed, gasping.
Kouign-Amann didn’t understand. What on Earthbread had happened to cause her so much pain?
She did not have any major injuries. Though not a medic, being a paladin gave her baseline knowledge of injuries, both serious and otherwise. She could only assume that her intense training was the cause of her pain, but…how could she be so weak? How could a single day of training cause something like that to happen?
She groaned into her mattress. What a paladin she was.
Kouign-Amann lay there for several minutes before her phone, still in the pocket of her dress, started to vibrate. She was getting a call. She did not want to speak to anyone, honestly, but she forced her hand into her pocket and answered the call without looking. She turned her head so her face wasn’t in her mattress. “Hello?”
“Well, look who we finally hear from!”
It was Prune Juice. Despite her earlier apprehension, Kouign-Amann smiled. It was nice to hear from him.
“Hi, Prune,” she greeted. She opened her eyes and stared ahead at her wall. “I was training all day today and haven’t checked my phone. Is something wrong?”
“Capsaicin sent us a message earlier asking if we wanted to get dinner. We never heard from you, so he came to me. He’s here, by the w–”
A new voice butted in. “Hi, Kouign-Amann!”
“Capsaicin, don’t interrupt me!”
Kouign-Amann chuckled to herself. “Sorry, sorry. I would normally love to get dinner, but I’m not feeling too great.”
“Huh? What do you mean?” Capsaicin asked worriedly. “Are you hurt?”
“I don’t think so. I just trained a lot today.”
Kouign-Amann tried to adjust her position on the bed, but her dough screamed in protest. She huffed into the phone, closing her eyes again.
Prune Juice hummed. “If I may be presumptuous, darling, you are only ever this sore when you’ve pushed yourself too far. Are you sure you’re alright?”
Kouign-Amann hated how observant Prune Juice was. Even when he couldn’t see her, he could read her easily. But she refused to worry him, and she chose to deflect. “I am. I promise.”
“…alright. Capsaicin and I will bring you some dinner, is that okay? We still want to see you if you’re up for it.”
“I’d love that. Thank you.”
“Love you, Kouign-Amann!” Capsaicin shouted from somewhere nearby.
“I love you too, sweetheart,” Kouign-Amann replied. “Love you, Prune.”
There was a pause. Prune Juice was slowly growing accustomed to being more affectionate with his partners, but every now and then, he would get in his own head, and he would not speak his mind. However, Kouign-Amann could hear his smile in his reply. “I love you, darling. We’ll let ourselves in. Just focus on resting.”
After some brief goodbyes, Kouign-Amann heard the call end, and she tossed her phone across the bed. The simple movement was enough to cause a resurgence of pain, much to her annoyance and frustration. She buried her face in her mattress once again and ignored it.
She wanted to get up. She wanted to change into something more comfortable. She wanted to either lie on her back in her bed or sit on her couch, and she wanted to relax. But even the thought of moving sent pain throughout her dough, and she knew she could do none of those things. Instead, she lay there and waited for her partners to arrive.
In the midst of her waiting, she dozed off. Kouign-Amann rarely napped, only when she truly needed the rest, but she refused to address that either.
She woke to whispered voices.
“…been asleep?”
“I suppose so. It explains why she didn’t come greet us.”
Heavy footsteps walked through her bedroom. She knew it was Capsaicin. Her sword slid against the floor as it was picked up. “She’s still in her armor and everything… I hope she’s okay.”
“She will be. You muscleheads tend to hide when you’re not doing well, so…we’ll do our best to help her accept it.”
She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. It had to be Prune Juice. “Kouign-Amann? Are you awake?”
Kouign-Amann opened her eyes to see Prune Juice standing over her. His eyes were open and darted across her face when she looked at him. His hand moved to rub her back. “Hi, darling.”
She attempted a smile. It didn’t feel genuine. “Hi, Prune.”
“How are you? You’re still in your armor, so I am assuming not too good.”
Kouign-Amann huffed. “You could say that.”
Just then, Capsaicin appeared from the other side of the room. His permanent smile had faltered. “Babe, come on… Be a little more specific. You’ve got me worried sick.”
“Capsaicin, I promise, I’m fine,” she assured. “I’m just sore.”
“Well, to us, it looks like much more than that. You didn’t put up your sword or take off your armor, and you were napping when we got here,” Prune Juice countered. “Those things are all out of the ordinary, Kouign-Amann. We are naturally worried about you.”
Kouign-Amann frowned. She hated worrying them. She hated worrying anyone, really. But there was something about worrying Capsaicin, who was one of the most anxious Cookies she knew, and Prune Juice, who often struggled to tell anyone how he really felt…it tore at her chest.
With that, she sighed. “I feel horrible.”
“So you admit it.” The bed dipped as Prune Juice sat next to her. The comforting hand on her back never slowed. “How long did you train today?”
“I went to the academy around…nine o’clock. I didn’t leave until sunset, and it was only because I was forced.”
Capsaicin winced above her. “All that time? Just constant training?”
“I took breaks! I ate.”
“Likely nothing that would adequately fill or energize you,” Prune Juice said. “You would likely feel a bit better now if that were the case. I know your training regime, and it was likely far too intense for a mere snack to satiate.”
He was right. Kouign-Amann didn’t have to say anything in response because he already knew.
“Where are you sore?” Capsaicin asked. “Are you sure you didn’t get hurt?”
“I’m positive.” Kouign-Amann attempted to shift, but her back refused to let her. She gritted her teeth. Prune Juice’s hand paused. “My back is killing me. My shoulders and arms hurt as well. I could barely hold my sword when I got home, which is why it was on the floor. I could barely walk in here.”
“Do you want to readjust? We can help,” Capsaicin offered. “Laying on your stomach can’t be too comfortable.”
“I want to change clothes,” Kouign-Amann told him. “My armor is digging into my dough from laying here so long.”
“We can work with that.” Prune Juice stood from the bed and stepped next to Capsaicin at the Scovillian’s reassurances. “We’ll take it one step at a time. Rolling over to your back, then sitting up, then standing. Prune Juice and I will help the entire time.”
“More than you’ll ever know,” Kouign-Amann agreed. “Thank you. Seriously.”
With that, Capsaicin moved closer to the bed and put his arms across her back, gently gripping her shoulder. “I’ll flip you away from me so your face doesn’t hit the mattress,” he told her. “Are you ready?”
Kouign-Amann nodded. Deep down, she wasn’t ready at all. She knew it would hurt. She didn’t want to move at all, but her discomfort had to be dealt with. She couldn’t help but mentally kick herself for her apprehension.
The day had proven multiple times that she was a weak paladin.
It was all too sudden when Capsaicin pushed on her shoulder and flipped her onto her back. The motion shot pain up her back and through her shoulders, and she squeezed her eyes closed. She whimpered aloud as she settled back onto the mattress, breathing harshly through her nose.
Capsaicin ran a hand through her disheveled curls. “Kouign-Amann, I’m so sorry,” he said worriedly. “I know that hurt.”
Kouign-Amann opened her eyes. Capsaicin frowned above her, and Prune Juice watched the scene unfold with furrowed brows. She took a shaking breath and looked Capsaicin in the eye. She attempted a smile. “I-I’m okay, sweetheart, I promise,” she assured. “You didn’t do it on purpose.”
“Catch your breath,” Prune Juice told her. “You did great. Capsaicin can help sit you up when you’re ready.”
Kouign-Amann focused on her breathing while Capsaicin brushed her hair out of her face. The pain in her back and shoulders gradually fell to a dull ache, still painful but far more tolerable. She hated how worried her partners seemed for her. Capsaicin was still frowning, clearly anxious about hurting her, and Prune Juice could only stand to the side and watch, knowing he was too weak to help. Kouign-Amann couldn’t help but feel guilty.
After a few minutes of self-directed frustration, Kouign-Amann sighed. “Capsaicin?”
Capsaicin’s eyebrows lifted. “Yeah?”
“Can you get me to my feet instead of into a sitting position?” she asked. “I just want to get it over with.”
“Oh! Sure, I can do that.” Capsaicin stood from the bed and put his hands under her back and legs. “I’ll just pick you up like this and put you on your feet. Is that okay?”
Kouign-Amann nodded. Prune Juice moved to stand next to Capsaicin, his hands hovering near his chest. He would be no help if she fell, but Kouign-Amann appreciated his presence all the same.
Without much warning, Capsaicin secured his grip and lifted Kouign-Amann into his arms. The pain escalated from the sudden lift and increased pressure on her back, and Kouign-Amann shut her eyes and hid her face in Capsaicin’s arm. It hurt. It hurt so badly. Maybe she really was injured. Maybe she had finally gotten injured and needed a longer break than she realized. How could she burden the academy like that? How could she burden her partners like that?
Capsaicin tilted her upward, and her feet touched the floor. Kouign-Amann kept her eyes closed while she gained her bearings. Her legs trembled beneath her, and she gripped Capsaicin’s arm like he was the only thing keeping her upright. A few seconds went by, and she opened her eyes, breathing shakily.
Prune Juice was in front of her, watching her with wide eyes and outstretched hands. Upon eye contact, he stepped forward and put his hands on her shoulders. She hated how worried he looked. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.
She nodded. She couldn’t form words.
“I’m going to take this all off,” he told her. “I’ll be as quick as I can.” With that, he cupped her face, kissed her cheek, and stepped around her to get started.
The next few minutes were spent in relative silence. Prune Juice dutifully helped Kouign-Amann out of her clothes, removing and properly storing her armor, dress, and accessories. Capsaicin helped her remain steady when she needed to step out of her dress; his quiet reassurances helped immensely when her legs protested the movement. Prune Juice also found some pajamas in her dresser—a pair of pink pants and a plain shirt—and helped her put them on.
After what felt like an eternity, Prune Juice stepped in front of her once more and offered a smile. “All done.”
“Thank the Light.” Kouign-Amann smiled in turn. “We can finally have dinner. I’m sure you’re both hungry.”
“And you’re not? Come on, darling, you’re not fooling me.”
“We’re all hungry. Let’s eat.” Capsaicin moved an arm around Kouign-Amann’s back. “I’ll lead, babe.”
With that, the three of them walked through Kouign-Amann’s dorm until they got to her living room. With support, Kouign-Amann could walk a little faster, though not without some pain. Capsaicin helped her sit on the middle cushion of her couch, putting one of the throw pillows behind her back. Kouign-Amann winced as she sat down, but once she was settled, she relaxed against the back cushion.
Capsaicin hurried into the kitchen while Prune Juice hovered in front of her. He brushed a loose curl out of her face. “How is this?”
“Much better than being on my stomach,” Kouign-Amann said. She lifted a hand and cupped his face, returning the kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.”
Prune Juice smiled and stepped away. He stopped in front of the door and grabbed the bag of potions Kouign-Amann knew well. He returned to the couch and sat down next to her, rummaging through his bag. “Before Capsaicin and I came here,” he said, “I brewed you some potions. They should help you feel a little better.”
“What?” Kouign-Amann craned her neck to look in the bag. “You didn’t have to do that, honey. I have plenty of medicine here.”
“This is my way of helping. It didn’t take long at all, and I’m happy to do it.” Prune Juice eventually lifted a wide-rimmed glass bottle from the bag and balanced it in his lap while he deposited his bag to the floor. He held it up to her. The potion itself was a dull magenta, swirling as he tilted the bottle back and forth. “This one is entitled the ‘Kouign-Assist’ potion. Made specially for you and named and brewed in your likeness.”
Kouign-Amann smiled. She could always tell how he felt through his actions, whether he realized it or not.
“It helps with muscle pain and soreness. Unfortunately, it is only a temporary fix, similar to pain medication, but it will help you get around without feeling like you can’t move. You should be able to get a lot of sleep tonight as well.” He popped the cork off and looked up at Kouign-Amann. “Don’t worry, I added a lot of sweetener to it. It should taste pretty decent.”
He moved to stand next to Kouign-Amann and held the bottle up toward her mouth. “I’ll help you drink it since you’re still pretty shaky. Open up.”
Prune Juice helped Kouign-Amann drink all of the potion in a few drinks. True to his word, the potion was sweet, tasting vaguely like berries. However, no potion would ever taste good, and Kouign-Amann subdued her true reaction to the flavor in the name of being thankful. She knew firsthand how long some potions took for Prune Juice to brew, so knowing he went out of his way to make a new potion, all for her, she could not put her gratitude into words.
When she finished the potion, Prune Juice pulled the bottle away from her mouth. He examined it briefly before replacing the cork. “All of it gone! Good job.” He put the empty bottle back in his bag. “It should work pretty quickly, but you should still take it easy anyway. I’ll be right back.”
He stood from the couch and moved into the kitchen, where Kouign-Amann realized Capsaicin had been the entire time. Prune Juice stood in front of him and said something she could not make out. She was surprised when Capsaicin visibly relaxed and nodded, saying something else. Prune Juice lifted his hands to rub Capsaicin’s arms in a comforting fashion, the pair kissed, and Prune Juice redirected his attention to another part of the kitchen.
They were still worried about her. They had come all that way to help her, and all she could do was worry them, over and over again. How could she do that to them? Why did she have to push herself so far? All she had achieved was worrying everyone around her. Her prefector, her fellow paladins, her partners. Anyone who was important to her at all had kept a better eye on her than she did on herself.
What a waste of energy. On her? Unfair.
It was sudden when Capsaicin and Prune Juice returned from the kitchen. Kouign-Amann wasn’t paying attention, and she flinched when Capsaicin held a cup of tea into her vision. Ever since they realized he could make a delicious cup of tea, Capsaicin had an unofficial duty to make them tea. He was happy to do it, and the smile he wore as he extended the tea to his partner proved it. Prune Juice readied a freshly warmed jelly deluxe pizza on her coffee table, already sliced.
It was all so unfair.
Capsaicin moved the cup of tea toward her a second time when she didn’t react. “I made this for you,” he said kindly. “Can you hold it?”
Kouign-Amann lifted her arms and took the cup from him. Much to her surprise, the soreness had subsided significantly. Her hands did not tremble, and she could easily outstretch her arms toward Capsaicin. It was not painless, but it was nowhere near as blinding as before.
“I can! Thank you, sweetheart.” Kouign-Amann took a drink of the tea. She shut her eyes. Still incredible.
“How do you feel?” Prune Juice asked. Kouign-Amann opened her eyes to see him putting a piece of pizza on a plate and passing it to a visibly excited Capsaicin. “Is the potion working?”
“It is. I feel much better,” Kouign-Amann told him. “It’s not a complete fix, but I can move my arms. I’m a lot more comfortable just sitting here as well. Thank you, Prune Juice.”
“I’m glad.” Prune Juice put some pizza on a plate and gestured broadly to the pan. “Do you have a preference, Kouign? This one has the most jellies if you want it.”
“We saved it for you!” Capsaicin told her, mouth already full.
Kouign-Amann smiled. “That would be perfect, thank you.”
Prune Juice put the pizza on a plate and stood, carrying both of their servings to the couch. He sat down and passed the plate over just as Capsaicin, still chewing, settled on the far side. The three of them ate their dinner in relative silence, all of them too engrossed in their meal to contribute to the conversation. They finished off the pizza quickly—they were all very hungry, evidently—and Prune Juice put the pan away once it was empty.
Once she had eaten and finished her tea, Capsaicin took her plate and cup to put in the sink. The boys returned at the same time, sinking the couch when they sat in accidental unison. Kouign-Amann shared smiles with them, but her heart was not in it. Though she felt better, she still felt horrible for an entirely different reason.
“How do you feel?” Prune Juice asked. He knew something was wrong; he was confident in his potion brewing and knew they worked, and he never questioned it. Kouign-Amann cursed her obvious weakness. “I brewed three bottles, so you can drink another when we give it some more time to work.”
Kouign-Amann shook her head. “No, Prune Juice, I feel great. I promise.” She kept up her smile for only a moment longer before she deflated, and she looked down at her hands in her lap. She couldn’t bear looking at him or Capsaicin when she knew she was burdening them. “I’m just frustrated with myself.”
“Huh?” Capsaicin’s voice was quiet. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve worked hard to honor the Crème Knights all this time, and it’s rare when I falter in that regard, so I am struggling to come to terms with worrying my preceptor. I can’t remember the last time I was forced to go home like I was today.” She bunched the fabric of her pajama pants in her hands. “And then I come home, and you two are so openly concerned for me, which I also don’t know how to deal with. I’m also not used to being…doted on so much. I feel much better now that you’re both here, and I would much rather you be here than away, but I don’t want to worry either of you, and…” She sighed. “I-I don’t know how to put it. I’m not used to feeling like this, not anymore.”
It had been a long time since Kouign-Amann dealt with her insecurities. Looking deep inside herself and conquering what she was so afraid of was incredibly difficult, but she had to do it. She could not be the paladin or the Cookie she wanted to be if she was weighed down by what frightened her. She dealt with it on her own, in secrecy from those she knew, because burdening them with her own struggles was her worst nightmare. She had to conquer them alone. It was not a battle someone else could fight for her. It was a weight only she could carry, buckle under, and eventually shed.
But when she picked it back up, against her better judgment, and struggled, Prune Juice and Capsaicin wanted to do some of the lifting. She would always be surprised. She would never understand.
“There is so much I haven’t told my headmaster.”
Kouign-Amann could not look at Capsaicin. When she didn’t, he continued. “He knows the bare minimum. He knows I get anxious a lot and I need a step back sometimes. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to tell him the full truth, but…” Capsaicin sat up in her peripheral, his smile confident. “But I know he supports me no matter what. He always encourages me, even when he doesn’t know what’s going on. I know that’s how your preceptor feels about you, Kouign-Amann, because I feel the same way about my headmaster all the time. He’s sent me home multiple times when he realized my heart wasn’t in it because he knew I needed it. It…always feels like a burden, but I try not to be so hard on myself. You should do the same.” He put one of his hands on her shoulder. Kouign-Amann didn’t move. “Your preceptor is happy to support you. I know they are.”
“You are doing your best.” Prune Juice’s voice was soft. “You’re one of the most independent Cookies we know. Everything you do, you try to do on your own because admitting to anyone that you’re less than this incredible Crème Knight is nigh impossible. I cannot judge because I am no better. Neither of us are.” He reached over and grabbed one of her hands. She accepted the touch, letting him stroke the dough on her hand. “But your best effort changes. We all struggle sometimes. Sure, worrying about each other isn’t fun, but I would much rather worry about you than not realize you need help. I care a lot about you, and I know Capsaicin feels the same.”
Capsaicin nodded in her peripheral. He rubbed her shoulder.
“You don’t think any less of us when we’re not feeling our best, do you?” Prune Juice asked. “When we’re anxious or frustrated? Or when we work ourselves too hard?”
Kouign-Amann shook her head. She knew how hard they had worked to get to where they were. She would never think anything of the sort.
“Then you are still the best Crème Knight we know. Nothing will ever change that.”
His words hung in the air in the silence. Kouign-Amann felt his words sink through her dough, and the following feeling was indescribable. All of her frustrations with herself, her guilt, her lingering physical pain, worked itself to the surface of her dough, and Kouign-Amann was crying into her free hand within seconds. She was overwhelmed, equally by her weaknesses and the love her partners had for her. She didn’t know how to react. It was rare she was speechless—or upset at all.
Capsaicin said her name, and his hand slid up her back and pulled her toward him in a hug. Kouign-Amann hid her face in his chest as she cried, clasping her hands under her chin. The couch shifted, and Prune Juice pressed his body against her back, sandwiching her in the new hug. She mumbled an apology, but her partners reassured her that it was unnecessary. She didn’t do anything wrong. It was okay.
It always was when they were together.
And when their hug ended, and Capsaicin smiled at her and kissed her forehead, and Prune Juice kissed her shoulder before pulling away, the weight she carried lifted, and she could finally breathe.