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“Hyuka, lets go to the school cafe~” Taehyun wrapped his arm around Hueningkai’s.
“Oooh! yeah lets go, I have to go get my books from the classroom first though — wait here.”
He rushed back to his homeroom to retrieve his science textbook. When he arrived at his desk, he found a note lying inside. Curiously, he picked up the note and read it slowly.
Nobody likes you, why do you act so happy all of the time? It's annoying.
“Okay then...” He dismissed the note with feigned nonchalance. He put the note down, trying to not let the harsh words get to him. ‘Who would write this..?’
Shaking his head to stop him from thinking any further about it, he took his book and went back to meet up with Taehyun. Though, the latter could tell something was up — usually Hueningkai would be seen running down the hall and greeting Taehyun extravagantly.
“Oh, let's go Taehyun.” Hueningkai murmured while looking at the ground
Taehyun frowned, “Did something happen in the classroom?”
Kai looked up at Taehyun and hesitated “Nothing happened, lets goooo~ I’m hungry”
The other didn't think much of his response, maybe he was just overthinking about it
—
Everyday it got worse. Notes piled in Hueningkai’s desk. He would notice them, read them, then stuff them back into his drawer.
your friends hate you..
nobody likes you
you’re so loud, shut up for once.
worthless.
useless.
The one note that hurt him the most,
Nobody cares about you, why are you trying so hard to make friends? Go kill yourself.
He tried to ignore the notes. He refused to tell anyone about them because of his fear of bothering others and making them worry.
“Huening, class is over.” Soobin whispered while poking the younger boy. Hueningkai had his head buried in his arms the entire period.
‘If I show my face to them, they’ll make fun of me.’
Ever since the notes started showing up, Hueningkai stopped showing up to class as often. The notes hurt him — but he tried to stay positive so his roommate Yeonjun wouldn't suspect anything wrong.
—
Yeonjun and Beomgyu were left cleaning the classrooms alone. Yeonjun wiped off the chalkboard carefully, erasing the previous math equations on the board. Beomgyu sighed and dragged the cloth over the desks before stopping at one particular desk near the window.
“Hey, whose desk is this?” Beomgyu murmured.
“Hm?”
Yeonjun turned his back to the board and walked over to see the desk. His eyes were met with scribbles and words on a desk.
Kai's desk. The words were all over it, wrote in permanent marker as a cruel reminder to the younger one.
kill yourself
go die
nobody cares
you would be better off dead.
“This is Kai’s desk..” Yeonjun mumbled.
“I didn't see this when we were in class, when did this happen? Who did this? Who would do this to Huening?” Beomgyu snapped in frustration and shock.
“I didn't either. He had his head down covering it.”
“Shouldn’t we tell someone?”
“We should, but let’s check up on Kai first.”
—
Hueningkai held himself as he sobbed quietly in his room. He'd never let anyone know when he was sad. It was an old habit of his ever since he was young. He kept everything to himself and tried to only be positive around his friends. Kai’s phone began vibrating beside him, it was Beomgyu calling. He quickly wiped his tears away and picked up.
“Hueka what’s up? Let's hang out!” Beomgyu tried to play it off casually
“Nothing really, but I'm busy right now, maybe next time?” Hueningkai said in a forced higher pitch to cover up his sniffles
“Oh okay, call me when you’re free.” The other replied softly.
“I will, goodnight.. I love you Beomgyu” Hueningkai hangs up.
Beomgyu stood there with his phone still to his ear, the voice on the other line long gone.
‘He only ever tells me that he loves me when he needs something..?’
—
Hueningkai placed his phone down and thought about his friends, their memories flashing through his mind like a fading film.
‘I don't want to leave them so soon..’ He brought his knees to his chest and cried softly. He took in a shaky breath as he dialed Taehyun’s number.
“Hello?”
“Taehyun.. I love you. Thank you so much for being my best friend. Please remember that I will always be by your side” Hueningkai responded.
“Hyuka? I love you too, is there something wrong? do you want me to come ove-“
Kai hung up, he couldn’t take it much longer and didn’t wanna break down in front of his best friend.
He began a text to Soobin.
“Soobin, I love you. Thank you for being there for me for so long.”
Soobin quickly replied back, “Of course Kai, do you need anything? what's up?”
—
Soobin sent a screenshot of Hueningkai's messages to a groupchat with Yeonjun, Beomgyu and Taehyun. The next message read, “???”
Beomgyu read the texts and gasped. His phone then rang instantly after.
“We need to go to Kai’s dorm, now.”
Beomgyu could hear the panic in Taehyun’s voice, he immediately grabbed his bag and rushed out of the room.
“Beomgyu! Where are you going?” Yeonjun chased after Beomgyu, wondering why he ran out suddenly.
—
Kai looked through the kitchen pantry for briquettes. He had enough of the bullying. He turned on his stove and placed them neatly on the stovetop. He sat down on the floor, slowly blinking and breathing heavily.
“This is it. everything will stop hurting in a little while.”
One minute passed, then five, and fifteen came. The frail boy had a heavy chest as it slowly rose and fell.
He heard the slight crackling on the stove and a faint voice, Taehyun's voice.
“Hueningkai! Please open the door!” The boy outside Kai's door frantically banged on the door.
“Please… Huening open the door..” Taehyun fell to his knees bursting into tears, still banging on his door in hope that Hueningkai was alright.
“Taehyun move, I don't have my keys.” Yeonjun came behind him and began throwing himself against the door, trying to break it down. His desperation made his shoulder ache.
The door cracked slowly after the combined force. Taehyun pushed the door out of the way and ran inside to Hueningkai’s room. He looked around the dorm to find the younger boy’s body passed out near his stove. The thick smoke made it harder to breathe as the minutes passed by.
He shook Hueningkai’s limp body in a futile attempt to convince himself that everything that was happening was some sick joke. Beomgyu called the police, begging for an ambulance.
“Please.. we need help.. my friend passed out on the floor, and there's some weird ashes on the stove and smoke everywhere!”
Yeonjun carried Hueningkai out of the apartment and sat the unconscious body on the ground outside. He sat down beside the younger one and waited for help to come. As time passed he got more anxious, looking back and forth, to the street, in front of him, and at Hueningkai. The other boys could have never imagined why some bullies would choose Hueningkai to pick on.
Taehyun was the only one that could be in the ambulance with Hueningkai because of the limited space.
“I'll call his mom on the way.” Taehyun waved somberly to the three others standing outside of the vehicle before the nurse closed the door.
Taehyun was unsure how to explain it to Kai's mother. the phone rang for a minute straight before going to voicemail. The nurse worked on giving Huening an emergency IV and an oxygen mask.
—
They arrived at the hospital. Taehyun never liked the atmosphere there. The fluorescent lights beaming down on him combined with the tears made his eyes sting. He was never religious, but just this once, he prayed that Huening would be alright.
“God, please don’t take my best friend away from me.”
—
The steady beeping of Hueningkai’s heartbeat gave Taehyun a bit of comfort and light in the midst of the sorrow that he was drowning in. He saw a tall figure peek in from the sliding door. It was Soobin and the others. “Is he alright?” Soobin asked.
“He’s conscious at least. The doctor said that they have to do more examinations. They said it was carbon monoxide poisoning.” A weak mumble from Taehyun.
“Ah.. I hope he’ll be alright soon..” The other sighed.
—
It's been two days since Hueningkai’s been in the hospital. All three of the boys skipped school and stayed in the hospital with Kai instead. They periodically switched around because of the ‘two visitors allowed overnight’ rule.
—
Six days passed before the four boy’s worst nightmare occurred right in front of them. They opened the door to Hueningkai’s room with a bag of snacks. Only to find the sound of Kai’s heartbeat flatlining. It couldn’t be.
Beomgyu instantly began tearing up. “But.. they said he was getting better! They told us! Now he's dead! They sai-”
“Beomgyu.” Soobin interrupted Beomgyu’s panicked rant and pulled him into a tight hug. The two of them cried in eachothers arms as Taehyun stood there in shock next to the hospital bed. Yeonjun rushed out of the door to find a doctor.
“Kai..” Taehyun murmured as he wiped his tears, holding Hueningkai’s cold hand tight.
The doctors rushed in and told the boys to leave the room immediately.
—
A week passes.
Yeonjun laid in bed. He cut off all of the contact he had with his friends and family. He eventually pulled himself out of bed, forcing himself to go clean up Kai’s room since he was expecting a new roommate soon.
He took a deep breath before opening the door. He swept the room and rummaged through Hueningkai’s drawers, throwing away trash and keeping some of Kai’s things for keepsake. Yeonjun came across a journal, labeled ‘For when I’m gone’. “Oh my god.” He gasped as he opened it.
“For Yeonjun,
If you find these, I guess I took the chance to take all of my suffering away. Please don’t think this is your fault. I look up to you and I love you very much. You made me feel welcomed in our school. This is my fault because I refused to get help and I let myself drown in my own pain. You’re like a brother to me, along with all of our other friends. I’ll write this in advance, just in case I’m brave enough to finally commit to my decision.”
The rest left Hueningkai’s diary.
March 4th.
They left mean things in my desk today, I’m trying to not let it get to me. Taehyun noticed something but I had to brush it off, hehe..>< I’ll show them who's boss! I’ll become a famous singer and they’ll regret being so mean. Ah! Guess what~ Yeonjun cooked dinner for the two of us, it was so delicious ^^ I’m so sleepy, goodnight~~~
March 13th.
Hi!!! It’s Beomgyu’s birthday today! I got him a plushie >3<. I had to cheer up for his birthday because I didn’t want him thinking that something was up with me.. Those bullies kept on leaving notes in my desk, I haven’t thrown any away because I can’t bring myself to.. Nothing else really happened except for Gyu’s birthday.. I’m so tired after screaming all day~ hehe~ >< Goodnight!!!!
April 3rd.
I never wanna trust anyone again. Those kids told me that they had a surprise for me , I trusted them and followed them to the back of the school. They kicked me and threw rocks at me while yelling mean things. I really don’t wanna go back there again. I don’t know what I did wrong.. I was never mean to them in any way.. Why am I treated like this? My body hurts so much. I told Yeonjun that the bruises were from me being clumsy. I hope he doesn’t worry about me too much. I can’t move as much but I’m so sleepy. Goodnight.
April 12th.
I had to force myself to smile again today. I can’t stand those bullies anymore. I started cutting myself again. I’ve been sober for 3 years but I relapsed today. It’s so hot outside but I have to wear long sleeves everywhere so my friends won’t worry about me. I feel so worthless and useless. I know that everyone at school hates me. I’ve been thinking about transferring schools. I hope the bullying will stop that way.
April 22nd.
Yeonjun asked me why I’m wearing hoodies all of the time, I told him that it’s just my style. The mean kids keep on using me as their shuttle. I can’t stand them. They hit me when I don’t make it in time for their food. They force me to do all of their errands. Soobin asked me why I’m always around them but I just told them that they’re my new friends. I want to die.
May 1st.
The bullying still hasn’t stopped. It gets worse everyday. I’m so tired of this. I want this to all go away.
May 3rd.
I’m done. They keep on writing mean things on my desk and laughing about it when I have to wipe it off. I’m going to take all of this pain away myself. I’ve decided to give up on my dreams and die. They told me to die, so I should just listen to them.
May 5th.
This is it. I’m going to kill myself tonight. I’ve decided to keep this journal for anyone who finds it instead of throwing it away. I think I’ll write letters to my friends so they can wish me a happy farewell. God I’m sick of everything. I’ll finally be free. Goodbye