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Things had been going so well. After the Governor went insane, and murdered a fleet of his own people, the rest had joined with them. There was an entire community, thriving inside their walls, and things were going well. Daryl was going out damn near every day, looking for whatever hole the governor had crawled into, but kept coming up empty. Beth was pretty sure he was as good as gone. She hated that man, for what he’d done to Maggie. What he’d done to all of them, but especially what he’d done to Maggie. It was scary, seeing her big sister like that. She looked like Beth had, at the farm, after the barn came open and everyone she’d known fell dead the second time. Maggie wouldn’t try anything, She knew that, but still. She said he hadn’t touched her, but Glenn said when she was thrown back into the cell with him, she’d not had her shirt. It was hard to believe that nothing had happened. Privately, she thought Maggie was lying, didn’t want Glenn or their daddy looking at her different. Not that they would, but she knew how easy it could be to feel ashamed for things that weren’t your fault. She’d heard stories, first back at the farm, from the kid they’d been keeping, of what his camp had done, then, from some of the Woodbury people. Life before Woodbury had been deeply unpleasant, for some of them. Being violated like that, it was the worst thing she could imagine. It terrified her. That something so intimate and holy could be striped away and defiled and turned into a weapon, used against you in a way that made her sick. She sort of hated being a woman, hated that that was something hanging over her head, when it didn’t hang over others. The worst thing Rick ever worried about was someone killing him, or Carl. The looming threat of being taken alive, hauled off like some treasure of war, was reserved mostly for the women of camp. She hated it. She especially hated that she’d never had sex before. Whatever happened to Maggie, she’d at least had good experiences, before. Times where she chose to do something with someone. If something like that did happen to Beth, it’d be the first thing she knew of it all. She wished she was older, wished she’d experienced more of the world before it all went to shit. She had an idea, how to fix at least one of the problems, but the thought of asking for it killed her. In all likelihood, he’d just say no. But he was the only one she wanted to ask. She knew it’d be hard, convincing him, that he’d feel like he was doing something wrong, but still, he was the only one she could possibly imagine asking. And here he was now. Back from his run today, stalking along the perimeter fencing. He sometimes looked like a caged animal, pacing back and forth along the chain link, killing anything that got within reach. She walked along, catching up to him, before catching his hand. He stopped to look at her, and she smiled up at him.
“Hi.” She said.
“What’s up.” He asked.
“Nothing,” she started. “Except for. I have a favor to ask.” She tilted her head to the side as she spoke. Maggie or Hershel would recognize it as her ‘please’ face from a mile away. Thankfully, they were inside.
“What’s up ?” He asked, again.
“It’s personal.” She said. He looked expectantly at her, “Really personal.”
“Ok…?” He was still waiting for her to ask it. Her hands were sweaty, and she might just throw up on his feet instead. She wished they could go somewhere more private before she said it, the idea of anyone over hearing made her hands shake.
“It’s just. Ok, well, I’ve just been thinking, and it’s, well it’s. Sorry,” She was stuttering over herself, making a fool.
“Spit it out. Ain’t got all day.” He was losing his patience. She’d have to just say it.
“I want you to sleep with me.” She said, the words all coming out in one breath. His eyes nearly popped out of his head. Whatever he’d been expecting, it hadn’t been that. She rushed to explain herself. “It’s just, I’ve been thinking about it and the Governor and Maggie and that kid from the farm, the prisoner, remember ? and the world being how it is and I don’t want that to happen to me because i’ve never had sex before and I dont want my first time to be against my will or anything like that.” She was rambling, her hands flying to and fro, she thought her heart might stop. “So i figured I'd just ask.” She finished.
“Me ?” He asked, incredulous.
“Yeah ?” she said, not meaning for it to come out like a question.
“You’re out of your damn mind.” He said, turning away from her suddenly. That went about as well as she’d expected.
“Wait. Daryl, Wait, waitwaitwait” She caught up to him yet again, grabbing his arm to stop him, “Don’t tell anyone I asked you that.” She pleaded. He looked positively bewildered, and she knew she’d caught him off guard, but she didn’t know how else to bring it up. “Look, I didn’t mean it as a come on, or anything,” She told him.
“Seemed like a pretty strong come on, to me, actually,” he guffawed, and she knew her cheeks were red.
“It’s just. There’s a lot that could happen,” Her voice was small, and her hands were clasped together in front of her, knuckles white, she couldn’t bear to look at him. “I just wanted to have some choice, about when and where and with who. Yknow ?” Her eyes flicked to his, quickly. He was looking at her. She almost couldn’t stand to have his eyes on her, after this. Might never wanna be in the same room as him again. The silence between them stretched out, his eyes pinning her in place, she tried not to squirm.
“Why me ?” He asked, “Get one of them boys from Woodbury to do it” He said. She scoffed.
“If i slept with them they’d think I wanna sleep with them.” She said, realizing as she said it how it sounded.
“Yea. I can see why they’d think that.” He said. She rolled her eyes.
“I’m not looking for anything like that, though. I just wanna get it over with. In case something bad happens later.” She explained. “Look, Its weird. Don’t worry about it. I just thought…” She trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence. “Was just an idea.” was the best she could come up with, “Forget I asked.” She said, spinning on her heel and high tailing it out of there. She was gonna go to her cell and lay down in bed and hide. Her skin was crawling with embarrassment. She should’ve known he wouldn’t go for it. God, maybe she should just die.
After a few hours of moping, the hollowed out feeling in her gut had faded. Had it been Embarrassing ? Completely. But still, she’d known he would take some convincing. She figured he’d turn her down, just out of principle, if nothing else. The fear of what might happen settled back in her chest, replacing the hollowed out, gutted, feeling of shame. It had to be him, he was the only person she could possibly imagine it being. She knew him, she trusted him. He wouldn’t start expecting things from her, either. She didn’t think anyone else here could manage the truly casual, utilitarian part of what she was asking. It wasn’t about having sex, it was about making sure she could have a say about having sex. There was only one way to ensure that. If she had it her way, she wouldn’t be doing this at all, wouldn't have to worry about it. But she did. She was worried about it. It was eating her up inside. She’d ask Daryl again, when he’d had some time to process it all. It was a delicate balance, giving him the time and space he needed to maybe consider her request, and the imminent fear that something bad could happen at any moment.
The next day, though, while Beth was milling about in the cell block, she could feel someone’s eyes on her. When she found him, and met his eyes, Daryl turned, and walked out into the courtyard. She couldn’t tell if he wanted her to follow, or was avoiding her entirely, but she decided to follow. She hoped he wasn’t trying to avoid her. Her hands were sweaty, nervous that she’d misread the situation entirely. She steeled herself, pushed out into the courtyard, and there he was waiting for her.
“Why’d you ask me ?” He said, without prelude, sounding suspicious.
“Cuz I know you.” She answered plainly. “You’re a good guy, Daryl.” He looked at her blankly, like he was expecting more of an answer. “Cuz I didn’t think Rick would do it ?” She continued. He scoffed,
“And you thought I would ?“ He asked.
“No. Or… I figured you were better, cuz Rick’s all over Michonne. You’re unattached.” She clarified. And it was true, She had considered Rick, but that was a non starter. No way he’d ever go for it, not in a million years. Not only would he look at her like she was some kid, he was far too interested in the newcomer to ever consider anyone else. “You are unattached, right, You and Carol aren’t…” She asked, trailing off. She hadn’t thought they were, but she didn’t want Carol thinking she was trying to sneak in on her man, or whatever. He shook his head no aggressively, like the idea was silly. She’d thought as much.
“So. That’s why. Glenn’s with Maggie and Rick’s interests are elsewhere and everyone else is just. New. I don’t know em well enough yet.” She said, finally. He groaned. She wasn’t sure what he was thinking. She knew how odd it was, that she was asking a lot. As long as she’d known him, Daryl hadn’t really shown interest in anyone. It was part of the appeal of him, for this particular task. Maybe he wasn’t interested in sex, neither was she ! It worked out well for the both of them. And even as uninterested in it as he may be, surely he’d still appreciate the end result. He was a means to an ends, a safe, trusted person, someone she could share intimacy and closeness with, without necessarily making any long term commitments, or giving him the wrong idea. It truly was just to get it over with.
“You’re sure you wanna do that ?” He asked. She nodded, enthusiastically.
“I’m sure. I wanna make a choice, I wanna choose. I’m choosing. I’ve already chosen.” She told him.
“Just. Think about it. If you still wanna in three days, maybe. Maybe come find me again.” He said, swallowing hard.
“Three days ? Daryl I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure.” She complained. He waved his hand in the air.
“Three days.” He said, pointing his finger in her face. She nodded, and he went back inside. She felt butterflies springing up in her stomach. It was just utilitarian. Just to get it over with. To have a say. But still, everyone always made such a big deal about it. It was exciting. Probably the last milestone of adulthood that was still attainable for her, in this new world.
Three days later, she was as sure as ever. She’d been planning it out, since he’d told her to wait. They could sneak off to the watchtower, like Maggie and Glenn so often did. Wasn’t necessarily romantic, but neither was their proposed tryst. Utilitarian. It would serve it’s purpose. They’d have to be subtle, because despite her being the one pursuing him, she was sure Daryl would catch some flack, if everyone found out. Specifically from Maggie, as if she had a leg to stand on. Her first boyfriend had been way too old for her, and Beth had told her so. But Maggie, especially in high school, didn’t listen to anyone but herself. Now it was Beth’s turn, and a one time fling with Daryl couldn’t hurt. He was a far better man than Maggie had associated with, Pre-Glenn. She was 100% fully confident she wouldn’t regret this. Daryl having her virginity made sense, he’d treat her gentle, and they could go on like friends, without thinking about it too much. He’d be in her life for the rest of her life, however long that would be. No falling outs, no breakups, none of that. It’d be nice. It could just be nice. She caught him coming back from one of his runs. She was always relieved when people who’d gone out come back in one piece, but especially so this time. She fell into step with him, as he made his way towards the prison walls.
“I’m still sure, you know.” she told him.
“Alright.” He nodded.
“Figured we could meet up in one of the guard towers. That’s what Maggie and Glenn do. Works well enough for them.” She said. “After dinner ?” she asked.
“And if Maggie and Glenn show up ?” He asked.
“We’ll lock the doors, it’ll be fine.” She said.
“Easy for you to say.” he scoffed. She laughed, and when they went into the prison, they went their separate ways. They both ate quickly, that night, she didn’t see Daryl leave, wasn’t sure he’d ever been there, honestly. She wolfed down her food, and made an excuse to Maggie about where she was going. Snuck away as fast as possible. She’d still been too slow, because Daryl got there first. He was sitting there, waiting, holding a scrawny little wildflower bouquet. Beth smiled at the sight.
“Those for me ?” She asked.
“Figured it was better than nothing.” He said. She took the flowers and put them gently to the side. She’d be keeping them, for sure. It was a sweet gesture. Sweeter than she’d expected.
“You ready ?” She asked, unsure where to begin. He nodded, and she sunk to her knees in front of him. This seemed to throw him for a loop, and he didn’t know what exactly to do with it. He mirrored her, kneeling down, too.
“So…” She started. She wasn’t sure what happened now. “Now what ?” She asked. They were kneeling in front of each other, and neither made a move. He shrugged.
“usually people are all hot and bothered. probably helps.” He said. Helpful.
“oh,” she said quietly. “Well. what gets you hot and bothered ?” She asked. He was burning a hole in the floor, his eyes locked on a small piece of dirt that stained the floor between them. He shrugged, and said nothing.
“Okay. I’ll start. You’ve got nice arms.” she reached out to him, putting her hand gently on his bicep. He grunted. “Your turn. Something about me… that you like” she asked.
“you’re…” he started, pausing immediately. “a lady.” he finished. He’d been about to say girl, she thought, and then felt weird about it. Woman didn’t seem to feel right to him either, though. A lady.
“Thanks.” She said flatly.
“You’re pretty. nice to look at.” He said, his entire face starting to flush. Even his ears were starting to get red.
“That’s vague, pick something specific.” She urged him. His eyes flicked up to hers, for a single second, before darting away again.
“Pretty eyes.” He said, finally. Like it was painful to admit.
“oh ?” She said, like it surprised her.
“Like your hair.” He added, as well. She reached out, eyes never leaving his red face, and pulled his hand, moving it into her hair, right at the base of her skull. She wanted this. As awkward and bumbling as it was. Better than the alternative.
“I like your stubble.” She said, moving her hand from his arm to his jaw, feeling the hair that grew there. She leaned forward, and his hand stayed in her hair, as she kissed him. He barely moved, fingers just barely tightening their grip. She wanted this. She didn’t know how to kiss, wasn’t sure if she was doing a good job, but it seemed to work for Daryl. She’s never seen the appeal of kissing, but their mouths were open and pressed together, his tongue tentatively moving against her lip, and it wasn’t unpleasant. He tasted like cigarettes, which she’d always heard as a negative trait, when kissing someone. She sort of liked it. His other hand went gently on her waist, and she put both hands on his chest, grabbing slightly at his shirt, mostly just to stop herself from shaking. She wants this. She caught his lip with her teeth, just a little, which seemed to urge him on. The hand on her waist tightened, pulling their bodies closer together, and she gasped slightly. The hand on her waist moved lower, down to the base of her spine, and the hand in her hair pulled just slightly, as he urged her to lay down. Her stomach flipped, as she realized this was really happening. She’d thought for sure he’d chicken out, tell her he couldn’t do it, that it was a bad idea. But she wanted it. She wanted it in a way she had thought she wasn’t capable of, really. Her thighs clenched together as heat spiked through her lower belly. God. She wants this. She was laying down fully now, her knees open to make space for him, as he knelt on top of her. Hands still fisted tightly in his shirt. She didn’t know where to go from here, until he shifted, his knee coming between hers, and suddenly her hips moved of their own accord. She might finish right here like this. He pulled away from her mouth, finally, to fumble with the buckle of her belt. He couldn’t quite get it, needing one hand to keep himself upright, but two to get the belt undone. She shooed his hands away, getting the thing off herself.
“Get yours off.” She told him, as she pulled her own out of the belt loops languidly. He listened, and watching him take his belt off was maybe the most attractive thing she’d ever seen. Is this what normal people felt all the time ? She could hardly blame them, for being so crazy about it. She can’t imagine feeling this way just from looking at someone, but here she was, laid out in front of him, undoing her fly, trying to wriggle out of her jeans, as he did the same. From here, he towered above her, and she wanted his hands on her, she wanted to feel the rough calluses on every part of her, how tan he looked against the parts of her that had never seen the sun. She felt dizzy with it. She pulled her shirt off, as he pushed his jeans down to his knees, and then there they were. Daryl was straining against his boxer briefs, hard as rock, and she was naked, except for her underwear. She wished she had any pairs of cute ones, but whatever. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be wearing any, soon enough. Her stomach flipped again, because this was really happening, he wasn’t gonna turn back now, probably couldn’t, even if he wanted to. She was so glad he’d agreed to this. All she could really think anymore was how badly she wanted this. There was a pause, while he looked at her, and insecurity crept in, just a little. His eyes roved over her body, and she had never, not once in her entire life, felt so vulnerable. Now it was her turn to blush bright red all over. Then his mouth was on hers again, and God, maybe this kissing thing wasn’t over rated. His mouth moved from her mouth to her jaw to her neck, down all the way to her collar bone, the scruff on his chin tearing her apart. Soft and hard and rough all at once. One arm braced him up, planted firmly to the side of her head, while the other traced the side of her body, that kind of feather light touch that almost tickled, just barely there, until he was at her hips. His hand dipped between them, just brushing against her underwear, and she thought her ribs collapsed. She was so worked up, even just the slightest pressure felt astronomical. Her hips bucked up towards him, and he pushed one finger past her underwear, right inside of her. It was the strangest feeling, him moving inside of her. His mouth was on hers again, sloppy as he kissed her, working another finger inside. She gasped at the third, the stretch of it almost unpleasant. He groaned as she felt herself clench down on him, a low rumble in the back of his throat, almost animalistic. God, she thought, she needed more. He curled his fingers inside her, and his thumb found that spot, the bundle of nerves that made her eyes roll back into her head. She couldn’t help the sounds coming out of her, high pitched and whiney. Her head tilted back, chest heaving, and then forward again, forehead pressed in the crook of his neck. She kissed him there, and whimpered in his ear as he removed his fingers. She was close, she was so close to something. And then she felt the tip of him, just at her entrance, and she felt like she might just die. She’d never, in her entire life, ever wanted something so badly.
“You’re sure ?” He asked, and she wanted to strangle him. She bit his shoulder before answering.
“Sure, yes, please.” she was ready to cry. He was depriving her of this, by making her wait. It didn’t take much longer, though, after he knew she was sure. He pressed inside her, underwear pushed to the side around him, and her jaw fell slack. If there was any air in her lungs at all she thought she might scream. A breathy sigh was all that made its way out. He felt big, tearing her apart from inside, every ridge and bump of him pulling her inside out as he moved inside her.
“fuck” he groaned, and she laughed, glad he was as affected by it as she was. His eyes shot to hers, as he heard the sound, and she pulled his face back over her own. Hands fisted tightly in his hair, mouth and tongue and teeth meshing together in a messy, depraved kiss, as he rolled his hips into her, and she knew she wouldn’t last long. She was so close. He filled her up, again and again and again, his hand between them working her clit, tension coiling in her stomach. Every nerve was on fire, and she felt like she might just combust, burst into flames underneath him. Her hands must’ve been nearing painful, their grip in his hair tightening as he worked, but he didn’t complain. He groaned, moaned and even whimpered, but he did not complain. She pulled his mouth away from her, head resting in the crook of his neck, panting his name,
‘Daryl, Daryl, Daryl.’ Punctuated with kissed to his neck and jaw, she was whining right in his ear, and she could tell it was pushing him on. They were both close, now, his speed picking up, becoming frantic. Her knees came up, pressed into the sides of his ribs, the angle shifting just so, and she was done. Her eyes screwed shut, biting down hard on his shoulder, because if she didn’t, she might make a sound that would tell the entire prison what they were doing up here. He kept going, once, twice, three times more, before he pulled out of her, she could cry at the loss. It was close, microseconds between his pulling out and his splattering hot white stripes onto her belly. She knew why, distantly, he couldn’t do it inside her, but God, she wished he had. He rolled to his side, laying on the cold ground besides her, panting. She couldn’t help but laugh, she felt wild. She propped herself up on her elbows, leaning over to look at him. She saw the bright red on his shoulder, deep indents where her teeth had been. She rubbed the spot tenderly.
“Might have to wear sleeves for a few days.” She told him.
“Shame. know how much you like my arms.” He said. She laughed, pressing a kiss onto his cheek. He looked up at her, his eyelashes fluttering, and she pressed another to his lips. “You’re gonna have to explain to Rick if he tries amputating my arm.” He told her. She laughed again, harder this time. She shouldn’t have bitten him, didn’t know why she did, what had come over her, but… She did quite like seeing her teeth mark etched onto his skin.