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It had been three months since the night Cyrus got shot. Ajax hadn't come back for prison yet. Fox funerals was held a week after the accident. Rembrandt and Cleon made speeches while Swan stayed far behind everyone, Mercy by her sides.
The first few weeks after the funerals were a bit weird for Swan and Mercy, but the new warrior putted that on grief. She knew Swan considered all the warriors like her family and she didn't want to judge anyone grieving process. It was just hard for her to see the woman she loved hurt and not let her help at all.
Mercy thought this would all get better with time, that Swan would open up and talk to her. But Swan kept running away from her whenever she felt an emotion. She went to anyone other than Mercy, hell she even went to see Ajax in prison to talk with her instead of talking to her girlfriend. And Mercy understood, she didn't really know Fox before everything went down so maybe Swan preferred to talk about it with people that understood exactly how she felt. But Mercy was right there when Swan woke up in the middle of the night screaming Fox's name. Mercy tried helping her, but every time Swan would walk out their room to go God knows where.
Mercy was starting to get a worried. She needed Swan to tell her what was wrong. So, one night, after a good day, Mercy decided to sit down and force Swan to talk.
They were alone in the apartment; Cleon being gone somewhere with Masai to talk about their new plan for peace between the gangs.
"Sooo it's just the two of us tonight, what do you wanna eat?" Swan asked nonchalantly while looking in the fridge. "Doesn't seem to have a lot here, maybe take out? Remind me to go grocery shopping soon." Silence. "Mercy?" She turned her head toward Mercy at the lack of answer.
Mercy was sitting on the couch, her serious face on. "We need to talk."
Swan looked at her, confused. She walked towards Mercy and sat beside her "You know it's okay if you don't want take out right? We can find something else."
"Not about food. We need to talk about you and me and us and how you would rather tell your problems to anyone but me." Mercy was trying her best to not to look too mad, but her face always showed her emotions. That might be why Swan started to look uncomfortable.
Mercy took a calmer voice, took Swan's hand and continued "You need to tell me what's wrong baby... Did I do something?"
"No, of course not, what makes you saw that?" Swan knew why. She knew Mercy noticed her leaving every time Fox or that night was mentioned, but playing dumb was her best card.
"Baby... You know I see you dodging me when bad memories get brought up... You can talk to me Swan. I want you to talk to me. I want to help you." Mercy was looking into Swan's eyes trying to make her understand how serious she was about wanting to help.
"There's nothing to do Mercy. There's things I need to work through alone." Playing dumb didn't work, but Swan thought that maybe being giving half truth could work.
"Alone or with anyone but me? Why ask me to come with you if you can't talk to me about anything more complex than what's for diner? Did you just want me to look pretty at your arm? Do you think I cannot be any help to you other than sex?" Mercy was hurt. Hurt that the person she loved the most in this world didn't want to share her pain with her. Hurt that she was kept away for Swan's true emotions. She knew it wasn't fair to be mad at Swan for feeling bad, but she needed answers.
Swan let go of Mercy's hand and stood up. "Fuck, what do you want me to say? That I need you? Shit, Mercy, every time I look at you, I think of that night. I think of Fox, how I failed her. I think of how I let Ajax get beat up and taken by the fucking cops. I think of how fucked up it was to find the love of my life while all this went down..."
A heavy silence filled the room. Mercy followed Swan's lead and got up. She tried to take her hand, but Swan moved to the other side of the room before she could touch her. Mercy's arm fell to her side has she tried to see her girlfriend's face with no success. Swan was looking everywhere but at Mercy. Her eyes filled with tears. She took a deep breath before continuing.
"Look, I asked you to stay, and I meant it, I still mean it, but I need time, okay? I can't shake off this feeling of everything being wrong... don't know if I ever will."
"Swan..." Mercy half whispered not knowing what to do with herself.
Swan walked toward the door not looking back "I will stay at Rembrandt's for a while. You can keep the room."
"I don't want..." Mercy tried but Swan was already gone the door closed behind her "to stay here without you..."