Chapter Text
Well, you guess this is the end. You have been traveling with the Winchester brothers for one year to the day, and you have been in love with Dean Winchester for every minute of it. You don’t quite know when it began, but he feels like someone you have always known. And today is your last day together. You set out with the WInchester brothers to find out more about the world, though you recognize that it’s a miracle they ever let you go with them in the first place, knowing how dangerous the job is, and how protective Dean gets. You have a motel room all to yourself. It feels wrong after nights spent in only one, all you can afford for long periods of time on the go, rotating each taking one of the two beds and a sleeping bag on the floor. You blush a little, remembering the night after the first time you were injured on the job, and woke up screaming. You remember how Dean, always a restless sleeper, heard you and silently climbed in under the covers with you and held you gently until you could fall back asleep then. The next morning, he wasn’t there, and never quite met your eyes for a week. You have never known whether this was from feeling on his part too, or if he was simply repulsed by you. Tonight, you can’t sleep without the white noise of his breathing. You keep looking at the floor next to you in a sleeping bag, and always angled slightly towards you in a way you find endearing and slightly protective. Of course, it couldn’t be romantic. Look at you. You get out of the sheets, never quite warmed by the warmth of your body alone, and go into the bathroom. Splashing ice cold water on your face, you look up and stare into your own red, puffy eyes in the mirror. SInce when were you crying? You think back to two nights ago, the night Dean decided to send you home. A home you burned the bridges to long ago. You were nearly killed by one of the things you had been fighting for the past year, and Dean just snapped. In the yelling match after you woke up, he screamed in your face how he couldn’t have you with them anymore, that the risk to you was too great. He said you were holding them back, that you were too weak for the job. You ran out sobbing, and he didn’t even turn around. When Sam brought you back two hours later, he told you that they could either take you to your hometown or dump you on the side of the road. He never even looked in your eyes. In the hopes of proving yourself along the way, you chose your hometown. But there has been nothing to fight on the way, and you and Dean hardly speak now. Sam has been sending concerned looks between you both, but Dean is unwilling to talk to you, and you’re frankly afraid of what you’ll say if you talk to Dean, especially because he could never reciprocate your feelings. Your face in the mirror is proof enough of that. Sure, you’re not fat, but you’re not skinny either. You should be the right weight, but it’s distributed all wrong, all of the fat settling above your hips and in your stomach instead of fleshing out your ass. And besides that, your hair is always a tangled mess. You enjoy wearing revealing clothes and short skirts, but you know that they don’t suit you, and on the bad weeks you have to swallow yourself in baggy t-shirts and jeans to even look at your reflection. You fall in love too easily, you love food, you love to dance and socialize, and you’re always too loud, too boring, too much. How could anyone love you, especially Dean.Just before the sobs consume you totally, you realize that this is your last night, your last chance to see his face. Your last chance to make him look you in the eyes and finally hear you. You know the heartbreak is coming, as it always has, but you know you’ll never live with the regret if you don’t at least say it, despite how hopeless it is. You keep waking up, and he’s not there, and it just doesn’t feel right .He’s a risk to your heart, even if you know the outcome, even if you might drown in the heartbreak. He’s a risk, and by god, you’re going to take it. With a stony resolve, and a lingering sense of dread, you open the door of your room and step out into the hallway, where you see Dean. He looks as if he was going to your door, and to your absolute shock, tears brimming in his dusky green eyes, he grabs your hand.