Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The courtyard lights flickered a soft orange in January’s cold evening air. Trees that were once full of cherry blossoms or green leaves were now bare and covered in melting frost. The ground held remnants of December’s ice and the grass was a pale pine green. The yellow bamboo doors from the outer corridor opened as 3 boys appeared.

One was a tall guy with matt black hair and heavy bags under his eyes. He brushed soft spots of purplish blood off his large, gold-buttoned, white jacket that was spotless, despite how roughed and tussled the other two looked. His arms were thin, yet he held a pretty sleek katana in the scarlet hilt attached to his belt and adorned black sweatpants alongside grey sneakers.

“I’m honestly surprised, Megumi. Didn’t think you’d have it back there.” He said while stretching his arm.

The second kid was shorter but he too had black hair. Though his was much spikier, making him resemble a porcupine or a sea urchin. He wore a simple black uniform consisting of a jacket and sleek navy pants, along with black trainer boots. On his belt was a borrowed katana that was smaller than the first guy’s. The exposed blade at the hilt was coveted in a weird shadowy material that gooped across the sleeve like a gas.

“Don’t bother about me. Itadori’s the one who actually got the curse.” He muttered while rubbing his eyes. “Seriously, all I did was find it and give backup healing.”.

“Well, we would’ve died if it hadn’t been for that. I couldn’t even sense the damn thing.” The taller kid responded in a softer tone despite how terrifying his hung face could appear with those dull eyes that hung in the back of his head like it were a cavern. “And neither of us could have seen through all those fly-heads without your Rabbits Fushiguro. Right Yuji?”.

He directed his question to the third boy. A pink-haired kid with the same outfit as the urchin hair boy except his uniform had a red hoodie. Moreover, he wore sleek gauntlets of sorts on his wrists that had the appearance of crimson scales and his hair was a little less spiky. He wore red sneakers and his face had several old scars.

“Yuji?” The other kid asked, shaking his shoulder.

“Huh?” Yuji bluntly let out as he turned, eyes soft. The scar over his mouth and nose glowed slightly from the shock but upon looking at his fellow second-year and his superior, it dimmed. “Oh, what was that? I didn’t hear you guys.”.

“We said you were honestly the biggest help in today’s mission.” Megumi stated, his tone flat and voice dry as usual. Yet his eyes remained sharp as he kept his gaze on the pink-haired boy. “Plus, Okkotsu here keeps insisting I did something.”.

“You did do something Megumi. You helped out.” Yuta insisted, his hand brushing some of the dirt on the younger guy’s hair. “Your rabbit escape was a good help.”.

“That’s only because it, Toad and Totality are the only ones I have left.” He muttered, waiving the hand away.

“Well yeah, but those rabbits are so cool now.” Yuji chimed in, eyes sparkling and lips curled in a wide grin. “Seriously, they’re so cute but they ripped through the fly heads with such power. And the RCT they gave when I held one felt really nice.”.

“Like a warm, very active pillow.” Yuta added, smiling softly. “It’s so cute how they move about so much.”.

“Both of you have Reversed Curse Technique.” He pointed in an annoyed manner, eyes blankly staring at both of them. “Also the rabbits were active because they like to move around, not be held like that.”.

“But they’re so fluffy and warm…” Yuji whined while leaning over to him, giving a fake puppy expression. Yuta copied, though his eyes still had the bags and he couldn’t soften his expression as well.

“Anyways, me and the others are headed down to Sendai for food. You two wanna come?” He asked, dropping the act and clearing his throat.

“Can’t.” Megumi said flatly, blinking with dead eyes. “I’m still not used to the whole “having control of my own body thing” after all the shit with Sukuna. Right now I just want to go to sleep.”.

“Aww, what about you Yuji?” He asked. Yuji meanwhile, had turned away from them and, yet again, wasn’t paying attention. He shook the pink-haired boy’s shoulder.

“Hmm?” Itadori let out, unsure of what he’d been asked.

“I said, are you gonna come? There’s gonna be sushi and rice balls.” He explained, making knife-like hand signs.

“Nah. Rice balls are more Inumaki’s thing, I’m a steak guy.” He replied, making circling finger signs to his cheeks where Toge would usually have the Snake Eyes and Fangs of his clan. “Plus, Sushi is more Kugisaki’s thing.”.

“Oh yeah, Kugisaki. I forgot about her.” His senior remarked, chuckling softly. Both Yuta and she had only really known each other for about a good week or so now and neither had really talked to each other. “I should invite her.”.

“Don’t.”.

Yuta looked at the shorter black-haired boy in confusion.

“Huh? Why not?” He asked in confusion.

“She has…. issues with you specifically.” He explained calmly. Yuta’s smile seemed to drop and his eyes widened, to which Megumi added, “But it’s only petty stuff like you winning the Exchange Event last year, preventing us all from travelling to Tokyo.”.

“Ah.” He said in his soft tone, though his eyes were blank in confusion. “That doesn’t seem like something a person should be mad at though…”.

“Not unless you're Kugisaki.”.

“Give her a break Fushiguro, she woke up barely a few weeks back.” Itadori chimed in defensively about his friend.

“So did I. You don’t see me acting like a douche and being let out from missions.” He retorted, irritated.

“Yeah, well you just had to house the king of curses” He pointed out, jabbing the spots under his own black eyes where the slits of Sukuna’s second pair had once been. “She, mind you, had her eye destroyed through Mahito’s soul manipulation and was in a coma for the better part of two months.”

“That’s why she wears an eye patch?” Yuta asked, disturbed. He had never thought about why one of his juniors wore an eyepatch, nor why Shoko or his RCT couldn’t heal that wound perfectly. “Dang, no wonder she’s been so hostile sometimes. Poor girl.”.

“It doesn’t excuse her rudeness.” Megumi stiffly cut in, voice drenched with a coldness. “Before she was annoying and arrogant, but now she’s just a nightmare.”.

“Fushiguro, give her a break.” Yuji defended, unsure of what the heck had come over his friend. “She DIED for Gojo’s sake. We should go easy on her.”.

“You died too.”.

He opened his mouth to make another defence for his friend. To try to give another reason or justification.

His mouth hung open without noise as his eyes met Megumi’s dark blue ones.

“You “died” too, but you weren’t a bitch about it. You had to work almost as hard as the rest of us.” He said, looking at Itadori right in his eyes.

Right into his soul.

“You saw that Junepei kid die at the hands of that special grade curse you and Nanami talked about, Mahito. You had to fight that special grade.

You were targeted during the goodwill event by the whole Kyoto school for your life. You and Todo had to fight a special grade without any aid and a barrier was stopping Gojo from coming to help.”.

Megumi’s rant echoed through his skull. He wanted to deny it but it was partially true. Since he had “died” he had never gotten a moment of rest or relief proper. He’d been excelling in Jujutsu and forced to become stronger and stronger at every major incident, all while things around him seemed to crumble. He’d nearly always been subjected to something or another.

“And yet, you don’t act like a bitch.”.

“Megumi, I think that’s enough.” Yuta cheerily intervened, waving a hand toward his cold junior. The two boys' stare was split off by the hand as their superior gave a smile. “I’m sure your friend has her reasons. People can be different, so there’s no need to argue, right guys?”.

Yuji felt an urge to say something back. ANYTHING back, to disprove Megumi. To quell the odd lump in his throat.

“Alright. I’m turning in for today.” Megumi said, turning around to head back to his dorm room. He rubbed his eyes while walking off, down the corridor away from the both of them.

“Aw man, I was hoping to bring him along to Sendai.” Okkotus sighed, hoping to have hung out with the kid more. He enjoyed spending time with his friends and his juniors, especially since the latter he’d barely gotten to know them well. Both Megumi and Kugisaki were pretty unknown to him as people.

“Anyways, you coming to Yuji? I think we might have steak there too.” He asked the other boy.

Yuji’s eyes were dull and his lips weren’t curled in either smile or frown. He slowly shook his head in response but he couldn’t say a word. Sound could not and did not want to leave his throat.

“Alright. We’ll be sure to bring you guys some of the leftovers.” His senior happily responded, giving him a pat on the back before walking off to find his friends.

Itadori’s pink hair stood still in the light of evening. His eyes shimmered with the sun’s glow and he softly blinked, staying where he stood. The lumps in his throat were immensely unpleasant and it felt like a fire of sorts was alight in his stomach.

Not a nice one either.

This flame in his gut was corrosive. It felt like he was being silently eaten alive from the inside and he wanted to let out a word. Let out some form of denial at the proposition and idea Fushiguro put forward.

“You “died” too, but you weren’t a bitch about it. You had to work almost as hard as the rest of us.”.

That was true. He had “died” and been presumed dead. Throughout all that time he’d been “dead” he hadn’t had much rest. Within a month he went from watching movies with a cursed corpse puppet that punched him at random if he didn’t control his Cursed Energy, to seeing a kid his age die at the hands of that disturbing patch-faced curse.

He had failed to save Junpei. He had to keep walking. Keep walking as Nanami went down in Shibuya, to that same curse.

Keep walking as he had sobbed and gagged at the sight of his best friend on the floor, one of her eyes destroyed. With Mahito giving not a moment’s rest and with him unable to let go of Kugisaki-

His mind reeled at the thought. He….he couldn’t even think of her without thinking about what had happened. She is alive, he had to remember that. He hadn’t lost her. That thought would give a smile nowadays.

But now it….didn’t.

He couldn’t see any wrong with her given what the hell she’d been through. But…

Megumi was right.

She had also “died” like he had.

So…why did he not want to see her in that way? The idea of….of not trusting her or…or being upset in any way with her was frankly…unfathomable.

It was the realest thing he knew he could and should feel.

Itadori Yuji could not fathom that reality.

He shook his head, feeling his heart pound wildly from such distasteful views of her, and began walking to where he knew she was.  His tongue was numb and he really didn’t want to be doubtful of her in any way. Hell, his time with her listening to her talk whenever they had free time was one of the most enjoyable parts of his day nowadays. Hanging with Kugisaki. Hearing Kugisaki. Seeing Kugisaki.

Like how he’d be with her now. If everything he’d heard was true, none of his other friends were gonna be there for their usual hang-out time now, meaning really she was all he’d hear now. And while being with everyone could make him feel hopeful and happy, it didn’t compare to her.

The way it made his day feel a bit better was odd. Maybe it was the fact that he’d fighting for so long since that day in Shibuya that the feeling of being with his friend was a breath of fresh air. Maybe it was the fact that every waking moment he wasn’t in some life or death situation since that day, he would have to cooperate with the others for a plan on the next step.

All he knew was that seeing and hearing Nobara again made him feel good. Hearing her after so many months accepting the grim reality that she was dead was a blessing to his ears. Seeing her after believing for so long that she was dead had been a mood lifter. He’d hated that time.

Just two months it had been, but it felt like a hundred years of fighting and exhaustion. That whole time, while he had fought and walked through the chaos of the culling games and everything going on in Shinjuku, one image always flashed through his mind in his greatest nightmares.

Her body, limp on the floor of Shibuya station. Her hammer was loose in the grasp of her cold hand and her jacket stained with messy streaks of blood. And the worst part of that nightmarish image had been the hole in her head, where her eye had been just seconds prior. The point of damage that, at the time, he and everyone saw as the final blow of the kill. The final piece of her “death” in his eyes and the third and final person he would only be able to watch as Mahito had killed.

A soft noise, akin to a half gag, half weep left his lips. He covered his mouth, eyes stinging as they shut and his body shaking. His heart beat fast, practically crashing against his ribcage. His throat and chest felt tight and his body felt heavy and warm. 

He took in a deep breath, not wanting to miss out today as much as any other day. He wanted to be with his friend. He wanted to speak with her as they did so many times. He wanted to hear her talk about all the random things she just talked about and see her.

Even if Fushiguro did have good points, right now those points shouldn’t be on his mind. Not when it came to his greatest friend.

Even if the nightmares of her “dying” had hurt, right now those shouldn’t be on his mind. Not when it came to his greatest friend.

Itadori blinked as his leg hit the wall. He looked forward, realising he’d gone away from the courtyard, not to it. His legs were twisted, clearly aiming to make a turn down the hall toward the stairs and to his dorm room. Had he been so lost in his thoughts that much that his body instinctively wanted to go to his room and stay away?

Did he…want that?

“No. I don’t. I want to see Kugisaki.” He muttered to himself. His heart was swelling in his chest and he knew that’s what he wanted. He didn’t want to avoid anyone or sit alone with his thoughts. The idea had temptation and he honestly felt like it was hard to speak, but he definitely didn’t want his thoughts to be stuck with.

Especially if that malevolent laughter and cruel, deep voice echoed through his skull again.

Breaking deep, he turned himself back toward the courtyard. His hands did feel shaky but he brushed that off as he trotted, trying not to think about the damn king of curses. Or really, any curse or curse user he’d ever known.

Right now all he wanted to think about…was Kugisaki.

Speaking of her, he heard her voice as Maki passed by him. She walked calm and happy, muttering something about being glad to hang out with Panda and Toge, along with Yuta. In her hand was a broken staff, bisected in two pieces with a nail through the split on one end. Still humming and buzzing with cursed energy too. Her other hand held crinkly blue-wrapped sweets that she seemed to be enjoying.

“Oh, Itadori. You’re back early.” She jokingly called out from the small table she was at. Her hammer sat in the grasp of her hand and she drank from a bottle, looking a bit tired and drained. Beside her was a box of small sweets that seemed quite untouched and in the same blue-coloured crinkly wrapping the other girl had been holding. “I was helping Maki train.”.

“I can tell. She looks happy.” He joked back, sitting next to her. “Maki-senpai is rarely this cheery unless she’s either getting stronger or seeing Yuta.”.

“Well, I’m glad she’s only happy for one reason then.” She said, twirling her hammer. Yuji took one of the sweets out of the box in curiosity, his mind irked by the fact that Kugisaki might not know the other reason Maki was happy. He instead chose to offer her one of the candies.

“Nah, don’t like them.” She refused, an ill look on her face. “I don’t know what the fuck is in those things but clearly they’re some protein shit.”.

He shrugged his shoulders as he unwrapped it, popping the small coffee-flavoured candy into his mouth.

“I mean, seriously how does she eat this stuff? It tastes like good coffee at first and then becomes a really bad done fish paste or something…” Nobara ranted, waving her hammer as her brown eyes glimmered. Yuji grabbed another one of the sweets as he listened to her.

“And don’t get me started with her going on about Yuta. Seriously, the guy saves her and the other second years ONE TIME back when they were first years and she acts like he’s this great amazing guy. “Oh, look at how awesome he is. He’s special grade. Oooh.”. She never stops…”.

Itadori nodded without much thought to her rambles as he ate another of the candies, followed by another. The initial sweetness gave way to a bitter taste that seemed to make him feel more energized in a way. Any ordinary person, they’d start twitching or feel the need to start moving from eating too many.

“Seriously, what could someone like her see in someone like him? He’s shy as hell and doesn’t wanna do anything. Really, she acts differently specifically for him, and he doesn’t even do much for her. From what I heard he was meant to fight Sukuna after Gojo died but held out till you and Higaruma did well against him…” She continued, clearly irritated and also stuck in the tirade of rambles. “At least with me, it was obvious I couldn’t come since I was in a coma.”.

Yuji found his thoughts to be racing from the bursts of energy. He wanted to stay here and listen to her. His body could stay still and he could listen to her for a hundred hours.

But…something felt wrong. Like a ticking clock was slowly approaching the next hour, hands slowly creaking and clanking. Hearing how she talked about Yuta made him feel…made him feel…

“Then she insists on going with him and the other second years out to that diner thing just cuz he asked. Could someone like her really like someone like him that bad?”.

“Why does it matter to you?”.

His heart dropped. The way he had said those six words felt so cold, it didn’t seem like his voice. You could hear a pin drop from the silence as her ramblings stopped. Her voice stopped. Her sound stopped.

Like how it stopped for those two months. Empty and absent.

“What do you mean?” She responded, making his heart rate quicken. She was still there. She was still with him.

So…what the hell was he feeling right now? It didn’t feel…bad. But it also didn’t feel good either.

“Why…does it matter to you?” Yuji repeated, this time with a softer voice for fear the silence would consume him too far. He wasn’t afraid of her being any bit upset with him, but he did fear not hearing her again. Not knowing when he could hear her again. He wanted to hear her.

Didn’t he?

“Well, a guy like him is just nothing compared to her. She’s strong-willed and takes whatever she wants. Yet she thinks he could be good enough? It’s stupid, really.” She said, twirling her hammer, though her heart did seem to thump a little.

Why did saying all this to Itadori feel so…unusual?

“And also, Yuta is just hyped up. Megumi likes him because he’s the only second-year guy respects. He was blessed by being from a similar bloodline to Gojo, so what?”.

Yuji stayed silent like usual.

While his silence would play into their time ordinarily, here it felt… off-putting. Like a hole of some kind.

“Yuta is strong too.” He said, feeling something uneasy growing in him. A feeling steadily substantiated by how she had described their senior's actions on that day in Shinjuku, just weeks back. “He was busy fighting Kenjaku while we were all dealing with Sukuna and came in to help out.”.

“Yeah, but he still wasn’t much help. I mean, he even almost risked his life going into Gojo sensei’s body for nothing-” She tried to respond.

“He did that to try to give us more time. Time that would help us take down Sukuna.” Yuji muttered. His eyes looked at her, gleaming softly and with an off-felt coldness. The feeling in his fingers was numb. “If anybody didn’t do much during the battle till the near end…

It was you.”.

Now he felt really sick. His emotions were swirling like wildfire in his stomach and he truly wanted to stop saying what he was saying. Why the hell was shutting up so hard right now?

Yet, he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t hold back everything he thought and felt.

“At the point you came in, Sukuna was weak enough for me to kill. I could have killed him and I would have anyway.”.

“H…hey, no fair. I was dead-” She reasoned.

“I died too.”.

Her mouth hung open, but she didn’t have a response. Yuji’s eyes glimmered and sparkled as the memories of everyone he’d lost, both on that day and in Shibuya flashed before his eyes.

Nanami.

Gojo.

Choso.

Her.

“I died too, Kugisake. Our first mission as a trio, I died. I died and I came back at the latest time for our group.

Yet my life was still at the greatest risk it might ever have been. All the Kyoto Students aside from Todo wanted to kill me in the Exchange Event.”.

The air hung with stinging silence. Yuji held back water and blood as he found the easiest thing he could do was just…speak. It hurt, like spilling venom, but he wanted to be rid of the venom.

Or at the very least, not contain it in himself.

“And…when I came back…neither you nor Megumi were that happy. Both of you looked…disgusted and mortified.”.

Nobara didn’t have anything to say. She felt the need to argue but it didn’t seem at all like a decent move. His arms shook as he looked at her.

“But when you died I….I failed. I failed to save you or…Or Nanami or Junepei or…Or even Choso. And all through this time I…I had to keep walking.

Keep walking so that nobody else would die.

Okkotsu-senpai had to risk almost losing his life to help give us more time. Maki-senpair lost her sister. Megumi lost his body and spirit.

And….through all of that, I…I always wanted to believe the unbelievable.

That I’d have my….my greatest friend back.”.

Water poured from his dry eyes as he shuddered. Nobara felt an off-put feeling of sympathy as she tried to reach out to him.

Yuji moved back, away from her.

“When you guys lost me, none of you seemed to give too much of a damn.

When I lost you guys…when I lost you I…I felt like I lost everything.”.

His words hung like a poisonous glue in the air. Every breath was laced with held-back quiet despair and agony, escaping through soft-spoken and cold words. An unfeeling volume that barely fluctuated in emotion yet echoed with dying flames of his old sparks.

“When I lost you, I just wanted to fall apart. You and Megumi meant everything to me, but I had to embrace the truth that I’d never see you, Kugisake. Ever.

But when I came back…did you even care?”.

That last question threw her off. She took a step closer to him, leaving her hammer on the table and wishing to try to make him feel better. He…he sounded so wounded and she wanted to help him.

Yuji Itadori’s black eyes shimmered a dull and pale red as he looked back at her with coldness.

“Truth be told, I don’t even know why you bother to complain about what Okkotsu Senpai or Maki, or anyone else did when we were fighting Sukuna. At least they were there.” He spat with dejection and indifference. The sunset painted the skies in a gradient, moving from deep reds and oranges behind her to darkening navy and black behind him. “You weren’t. Not until the last hit when he was already going to die at my hands anyway. A final piece to the puzzle that had been completed.”.

That one stung her right in her heart. Ordinarily, she would have retaliated with another insult or yelled at him. She hated to be insulted or made to feel lesser, especially in the way his words had done so to her.

But here…he had a point. He was right.

Was she even necessary for Sukuna’s defeat then?

“After all this time wishing for you to be alive and back, I think I’ve grown more accustomed to you being dead to me.”.

Yuji turned, walking off without giving her a chance to speak. Her heart beat incredibly fast and she felt an awful lump in her throat as she heard the thunder of him leaving. Her hands were shaking as that last part struck right at the heart of her worst doubts.

Was she even necessary to anyone?

“Yu…” She muttered, blinking slowly. The water threatened to spill from her eyes as she realised he had gone from the courtyard.

In a flash, Nobara had run to the door’s of the corridor, hoping to see him down the hall. She wanted to fix things, and to make it up to him. To comfort him and actually help him.

Yuji was nowhere to be seen.

She had missed him.

She’d hurt him. And now, she had missed him.

“Itadori…” She muttered as she slumped against the door, hand over her mouth. Hot tears flowed down her cheek from her one good eye and she slid to the floor with a thud, while taking in all his words.

“After all this time wishing for you to be alive and back, I think I’ve grown more accustomed to you being dead to me.”.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Itadori I’m…I’m sorry…” She wept, shutting her eyes and covering her face with her hands. Her soft sobs echoed throughout the courtyard, heard by not a single soul around. Just her. Alone.

Alone again. Alone. Like how he was left without her and she never tried to fix things, now she had pushed him away.

Alone, like during her coma. Floating through the darkness of her conscious thought. Believing herself dead.

Even though she was alive, part of her wished she stayed dead. What good had her living brought?

“I’m sorry….Itadori-kun…”.

Making him smile. That's what it had brought.

She rubbed her eye, wiping the tears off her cheek. Her brown pupils shimmered as she coughed and stood up.

"I have to make things better. I have to help him." She muttered shakily, voice riddled with guilt. Her hand grasped the door as she stared at the skies, seeing the night had enveloped the overhead scene.

"Otherwise...".

Her face was lit up like a cold flame. Her voice was hollow and her limbs were weak. Her legs shook as she stood. She needed to make things right.. Tonight was her first and last chance possible to make it up to him.

Her hammer lay on the table, abandoned. She didn't need her stupid useless power right now.

She just needed to help him through the burdens of his suffering in the same way he had done for so many others.

To make it up to him as he had done so many times for others.

"What kind of friend would I be?".

Like how he'd done so for her.

Chapter Text

Darkness.

Pure darkness. Not a speck of light or sound. No sensation to be felt. No amount of life or existence, and what little life that could flicker, simply held no shape. The water spilt from cracks of the glass, spewing into the airless air and clumping across the emptiness and liquid space.

Liquid.

The fluidity akin to the ocean surrounded the desperate strings. A spiked shape from a core, so bent the wrong way it might have never been made to function, hovered in the middle of nothingness. It had been cracked by something that managed to touch it. Something that managed to twist it and eliminate the structural form around it. All to leave nothing in its wake.

Nothing.

A pair of eyes opened in nothing.

There was not a sound or voice around. Eyes like those of a tangerine hummed into the emptiness, watching and flickering. The floating strings of something that should exist, stemming from one of the eyes. Trying desperately to return to its shape, to reform into something natural and alive. To beam with life and speak with a voice it had long since lost.

A voice they had long since lost.

The eye had cracks. It had imperfections. The mould of the form was damaged, cracked and crinkled. It barely fit the form of the essence and leaked out more than it let in.

And amongst the strings of soul, something more became revealed.

Blood.

Fingers reached up, but found to pass over their own form. They were not alive. They were not an existing being. They had come to pass.

But they were aware.

They could think. Surely that meant they were, were they not?

Why?

Why were they here? Why could they be?

Why must they be fractured so greatly to mend their wound?

“Kugi…”.

A voice from outside. An echo from a distance. It sounded sweet but broken. It sounded stern but shaking. It sounded….It sounded like….

“...saki?”.

Grief.

Confusion.

Regret.

And just as quick as the voice echoed, a cackle resounded. A nasty, impure and repugnant shriek of delight that drowned the sweeter sounds out. 

“I really am…”.

The laughter came from a horrific thing. An unimaginable nightmare.

“I TRULY AM…”.

And just as quickly as it began, there came thunder, followed by a flash of patchy, pieced-together skin across the sky.

“...A CURSE!!!”.

CRACK!!!

FLASH!!!

Black sparks echoed through the little sight there was. Spools of a lilac liquid splattering across the skies. The space in all directions, it seemed, had rebounded. Life reeled from the impact.

A curse.

More thunder. This time with red instead of violet.

Human.

And again. Black sparks and red. Human.

And again. Black sparks and purple. Curse.

And again. Black sparks and red. Human.

Her eyes blinked. Where even was she, and why could she not help? What war could be happening that she had no ability to aid in?

Her memories slowly shifted like magma, rising in beats.

She remembered a pink-haired boy. One with smiles galore, who fought like a wild animal and had power comparable to a tank.

And there was also…that curse. The coward. The patchface. The one who had fled and tricked her.

And then, barely a few minutes passed before it happened.

Black sparks shone all over the visible space. The crimson streaks painted the empty nothing in a blaze, and made it seem like life existed here.

Human.

And supremely human. Humanity…won out.

“Ita….dori…” She heard herself say. She had a voice. She had sentience.

She was alive.

The strings slowly shone, drifting down into her broken eye over what felt like an eternity. A thudding pounded across the space, visible to her ears.

Her name…her name….

She was feisty. She was fanatical. She was ferocious.

And then, as the sparks faded, as the echoes of thunder slowed, as the very signs that she may be alive and real began to dissipate like sand….

It happened.

Light.

Beep….Beep….Beep…Beep…

“She’s up.” A far voice said, rough but familiar.. Light pierced her eyes, with ringing bells echoing in her skull.

The sensation came to her fingers. They flexed, feeling soft fabric beneath their grip.

Her wrists could feel. They turned and twisted against the confines of heavier fabric.

A blanket.

“Her vitals are clear. Keep the sedatives ready in case.” A second voice declared. This one sounded like a mix of spirits and sugar syrup, with an accompanying scent of smoke wafting its way to her nose.

Her eyes blinked.

Or really, her eyes. One of them could not see, for it didn’t happen to be there.

Yet, even on a single eye of vision, light had such clarity and focus. The brightness settled down. The glare gave way to colours. The fuzziness became sharper, with edges visible.

Moreover, she could take in cursed energy so much more cleanly. It felt like a drug pumped through her brain, healing every single wound imaginable. A true understanding of this power, this pride, this….This might.

She had never felt so alive.

Finally, she spoke the first words in what seemed like an eternity.

“Ugh. My head hurts.”.

Her hand reached up, gripping her hair the colour of chocolate. Her back groaned from her sitting up, taking in the sensations. The sensory overload was dying down, replaced by a pounding ache in her skull and the sensory ringing of that ongoing high. Like cold water ran through her under her skin and muscles, forcibly cleansing every piece of her soul out. Smoothening patches and bumps, straightening creases and covering the holes.

She looked forward. Within her room stood a few people. The most obvious of which were three.

Firstly, a short man with a bald head. The eyebrows were thick, greyer than paint and cleaner than a freshly vacuumed carpet. The nose bore an ugly ring piercing, while the arms had as much meat on them as a shrivelled lamb rib.

The second person stood tall. Her hair, while short, still managed to fall around her face. Her body, from her face to her arms, was tattered in scars, resembling tiger prints. Her eyes glimmered a sharp gold, like an eagle.

And the third person stood next to her bed. She carried a clipboard. Her hair fell down her shoulders, deep coffee brown in colour. Bags were visible under her eyes. Her lips let out smoke. She wore a white coat and stared at her with attentive focus.

Then her eyes focused on the TV screen. The sight she saw might have been the most shocking thing imaginable.

Firstly, the date.

December 25th

So it had been over a month since she went down. The scenery displayed seemed to show that a lot had happened in that time.

There, in the midst of a desolate, ruined city, stood a man. Tall he was, with four arms swinging. The hands on the two lower ones completely torn, and the chest with cuts and wounds galore. The being looked like a demon, sporting bloody pink hair alongside half his face looking like a walnut. He stood in the midst of dust, with two other unrecognisable figures observable nearby.

“Domain Expansion.” A familiarly sweet voice said. From the dust, she could see a boy.

Pink hair. Blood covered his face. One of his eyes was shut from the wounds. His shirt was tattered, and his neck was covered in scars. His hands raised, fingers folded over each other. Each middle finger pointed upward and was held apart from being connected by a gap. His lips mouthing out the incantation.

Incantation.

The sight was covered by an encompassing barrier. Black in colour, pushing far and wide to engulf the entire scene. Every figure on the field that was not the demon or that boy escaped the range of the barrier.

“Do you still know how to use this?” The scarred girl asked her, passing her a hammer, along with two nails. Both were still laced with her cursed energy.

Cursed Energy.

She was back.

Kugisaki Nobara smiled. No time for funny business. She just grabbed the hammer and sat up.

“What do I need to do?”.

…

The sky was thick with clouds. Rain poured down onto the grass, spilling mud down the slopes and onto the concrete pathways, simultaneously dirtying and washing them. The trees swayed about in the wind. Their branches bear in January’s rebound from the horrors seen in December.

Nobody was awake on the campus. Any who had been out would more than likely be at the Gojo estate or the abandoned Kamo estate. Any staff or students still left at the school would be in their sectors of the dorms or in meetings.

Truly, the place felt quiet and alone.

Which made the atmosphere for one person that much more tense.

It was cold.

So cold.

Her fingers wrapped the navy jacket around her shoulders tightly, gripping the fabric like a lifeline. Her skirt reached far below her knees, yet provided little comfort.

This wasn’t just some breezy cold. It felt like it came from the same place as that wonderfully alleviating sensation she’d experienced upon waking up. Reversed Curse Technique, as Shoko put it. She also learned that when her late Gojo-sensei learned it, he had been completely high on the feeling.

But it wasn’t like Shoko’s RCT. That made your body feel better.

The RCT Kugisaki felt seemed to emanate right through her soul.

And yet this cold, unlike her RCT, was…vicious. It peeled back the wounds of her soul, forcibly causing itches in her body. Her skull, around her eye patch and under her hair, desperately felt like it needed to be clawed into. Her heart beat fast in her chest, tightening against her rib cage.

She leaned against the wall. Her lips let out slow gasps.

Not now.

She could put her comfort aside for now. She’d had enough of that.

Her mind was dead set on where she had to go. 

The one person she had to help right now.

The boy she had to make it up to, because honestly, what else did she have after being gone for so long? 

Herself?

A soft chuckle escaped her throat.

Funny. You’re dead for two months, and when you come back, half the people you knew have died, and a whole war happens.

“Was I necessary in that final moment?”.

The question clawed away at her while she trudged along. Ever since she came back, she tried to ignore how much everyone else had grown in power and personality compared to her. The gap between everyone and her, both in their abilities and in them as people, felt wider than a canyon.

What more could she do but act like she didn’t care?

And yet…his words had forced the band-aid off.

She wasn’t needed.

She wasn’t wanted.

Kugisaki Nobara was a dead girl. A possibility and a desire for things to have been different.

A possibility that only one person here even desired.

And she pushed him away.

Why was she walking this way then?

To apologise? For what, being dead?

“For being a bitch and uncaring.” She thought to herself harshly.

But why? Because her selfish care and fear couldn’t let her loose the strings of her old life?

Everyone loses those strings. People move on. People act less like you're an entity and more like you're an idea. To anyone, she was an idea.

“Not everyone dies and comes back.”.

Except….for….

Him.

Knock, Knock, Knock.

The green-painted birch door swayed open, unlocked. The dorm inside felt empty, with the bed sheets still clean. The bathroom door remained open, light off and vacant. The place looked tidy and organised, with comics and manga sitting on the shelf. Some not even out of the packet.

He wasn’t in his room.

Every hair on her body stood on end. Her eye glanced this way and that, scanning every observable inch of the room. Her fingers rested on the door handle, shivering and swinging back and forth.

Why wasn’t he here?

Kugisaki breathed in deeply. Her other hand brushed over her eye patch, still unsettled by the lack of feel under the fabric. Her head spun wildly while her thumb ran through her hair to calm her down. From experience, running her hand through her hair made whatever ebbing fear or tension she felt waiver and diminish, especially in the recent weeks.

“Maybe he’s just out on a mission.” She thought to herself. It could be plausible, given that she didn’t know everyone’s schedules nowadays.

“Maybe he’s with Yuta and the second years at the Gojo Estate.”.

“Maybe he’s at his brother’s grave by the Kamo Estate.”.

Maybe…Maybe…

BUZZ!!!

Her senses were brought back to reality via the vibrating phone on the desk.

Itadori’s phone. He had left it behind.

Swiftly, she picked it up and answered.

“Hello?”.

“Hey, is Itadori there?” A soft voice, like that of maple and pinecones, asked. It was unfamiliar to her ears, yet she could already piece together who the speaker was based on the people she did know.

“No. Itadori isn’t here.” She replied, looking out of the window. The sun had long since set beyond the horizon, leaving only the darkness of the early night. The forests visible just outside the campus stretched for miles, with Tokyo’s city skylines glinting like diamonds.

Notably, two places that had stood out before now appeared barren and small: Shibuya and Shinjuku.

Her memories flashed through what had happened that day in Shibuya. Fighting that blond curse user with a weird hand sword. Having to mow through hundreds upon thousands of transfigured humans.

Fighting the patch face.

She shook her head to stop thinking about that, inadvertently causing a sting to run through her skull. Holding back the sharp gasp of pain, she gripped the phone tightly.

“I’m Kugisaki Nobara.” She muttered, hoping not to let her fear or pain leak through her voice to the other end of the phone.

As much as she didn’t like Okkotsu Yuta, he was at least somewhat respectable and kind from everything she’d heard and seen of him.

“Oh, Kugisaki-san. I don’t think we’ve formally met, right?” He queried on the other end of the line. God, you could just feel that radiant cheeriness and positivity from his voice, like a constant outpouring of RCT. 

He was literally as un-hatable as it gets. Which made her antagonism of him just feel worse, since he seemed to be so much better than everyone in every way.

Better than her in every way.

She was cold.

“Well, I was gonna call to see how Yuji’s doing.” Her senior continued, the sounds of music and the familiar voices of Maki, Inumaki, and Miwa audible in the background. “Ordinarily, he NEVER turns down the chance to come out for fun, and he especially wouldn’t wanna miss a night over in the Gojo Estate.”.

The guilt seemed to tip closer to the top like overflowing water in a beaker. She knew why he didn’t go there today.

He’d wanted to stay with her.

And when she didn’t have anyone else really here, she….messed things up. She hadn’t considered how he felt, or how much of a burden she had been or even how wrecked and accepting he was of her death.

Itadori hadn’t been staying with her. He’d been sticking to a memory of someone he thought he knew.

She was cold.

And now, she had managed to snip even that small string with her stupidity and lack of care or value.

“Do you know where he would be?”.

Her mind flickered through every place she could think of, but almost any of it was either something that had been destroyed in the chaos following Shibuya or something the old Yuji would have gone to.

Right now, she wasn’t even sure if she knew who Itadori was anymore. Or what kind of places he’d like.

“No.” She responded bluntly. Her fingers covered her mouth.

“No, I don't know where he is, senpai.” She repeated, thinking over the one impossible place she might find him.

Would he really be there?

Maybe. Her hope had already dimmed, and she knew that if she didn’t find him there, she truly didn’t know him.

“Who’s to say you ever did?”.

The seconds stretched into agonising minutes for her. Time slowed like the turning of a page on a lectern stand via the wind. Her heart beat faster. Her hand gripped the phone even tighter. Her fingers shook like mad. The pounding headache ran like a drum inside her skull, pushing up under the place where her eye used to be.

“Who’s to say your survival mattered?”.

“Who’s to say you were ever wanted ever since?”.

The sensation of floating, akin to her limbo state, made her legs feel like jelly. She didn’t hear the muffled words of her senior, but she did hear the call end.

“Who’s to say you did anything good?”.

“Who’s to say you gave anything to anyone?”.

“Who’s to say you did something important or helped?”.

Her fingers dropped the phone. Her back leaned against the wall. Her breaths were shallower and shallower.

“Who’s to say you ever cared?”.

She did. She did. She really did.

She cared, SHE CARED. She could prove it. She could prove that she cared. That she appreciated. That she valued, that she hoped and feared and hated and loved and wondered and wept and needed and wanted and….

And…

She didn’t want to be alone.

Her body slid down the wall, mouth agape and head burning. Itadori’s last words from their encounter today echoed in her skull like a sickly, messy mantra.

“After all this time wishing for you to be alive and back, I think I’ve grown more accustomed to you being dead to me.”.

Her lips let out a croak.

She was cold.

Her fingers touched her face. They touched her hair. They touched her eye patch and the space over her still-functioning eye.

She didn’t want to be alone.

She would be alone. All…because of herself. Because she never cared, and she never tried to care. Because she had been so afraid of being left behind by everyone for something outside of her control that she tried acting like things were the same.

She was cold.

How fucking perfect it was for her, right? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

She was cold.

She was cold.

She was...

“Kugisaki?”.

Her focus and spiral were interrupted by a voice. A hand rested on her shoulder. Her first instinct told her to jump, to be ready to fight or flee.

Her body didn’t even move one bit. If any normal person looked at her right now, she’d look like someone dead.

In some way, she found that to be a better way of living right now.

“Kugisaki?” The voice said again. A second arm moved under hers, pulling her up from the floor.

Her tangerine eye met a soft pair of soft, pearly, brown ones. One word escaped her throat, croaky and quiet.

“Itadori-kun?”.

He was hard to see in the darkness, but the features of his round face and button-like eyes were there. His scars, both along his cheek and over the bridge of his nose, stood out against his skin. His pink hair stood up on his head, slicked back a little. A fresh slither of a healed scar painted a line across his temple, reassembling that weird stitch line Okkotsu had on his head.

“Are you okay?” He asked tentatively. His thumb wiped water off her cheeks.

Water.

“I heard you crying somewhere down here when I came back, and I…wanted to apologise.” He muttered, glancing away in shame. “I shouldn’t have said all that to you. I…I shouldn’t have acted so arrogant or like I was “better” in any way, just because I could tough out my pseudo-death better than you did.

It…It was fucked up of me to even say all of that to you. So I’m so-”.

Her hand pushed to his lips, shutting him up.

“Don’t be.” She demanded, not wanting him to take the blame this time. “You don’t need to apologize for being unable to tolerate my shit.

If anything, I came looking for because I want to….to apologise to you.”.

He blinked slowly in surprise. From his fingers, a small bag of something slipped onto the floor.

“I wanted to apologise for how little I cared.” Kugisaki began, wanting to let the dam break before her fear forced her throat to be silent again. “I’m sorry that I never showed any appreciation about what everyone else had done or gone through. I’m sorry I used my stupid two month rest as an excuse to be bitchy and inconsiderate.”.

Itadori tried to interject, but her voice had gone a pitch higher to ensure he wouldn’t be the one facing the blame here.

He’d been made to do that too much.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you, or anyone else, when you all needed me most. I’m sorry I happened to show up at the last second, when every piece of the jigsaw had been set in place and acted like I did an equal amount of work to you all. I’m sorry I couldn’t show any care for your pain or the fact that you had to grow up and evolve.”.

Itadori wanted to speak. To say something.

Yet, he couldn’t. For the second time that day, he found speech impossible.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t adapt like the rest of you and acted scummy because I was afraid of getting left behind. I’m sorry I never gave my effort when it actually mattered, and just feel like a stupid weak paper.”.

Tears welled in her eye like magma. She hated herself for all of it. For dying stupidly to that patch-faced curse’s tricks. For failing to grow like the others did.

For failing to be strong enough to keep up and then trying to pull everyone down, she wouldn’t feel as lonely.

“I’m sorry….for not being there, and for still not being there.”.

The darkness plunged around her. Her body felt the same as back then in that limbo state between life and death. Cold, alone and unwanted.

Nothing to feel.

Nothing to fear.

Nothing to love.

Her hands shook madly, the sensation of floating overwhelming. Her skull hurt so bad, but she couldn’t give herself a chance for comfort now.

She didn’t deserve that.

She didn’t deserve any of this.

She just deserved to die-

Yuji’s arms wrapped around her tightly.

“H….Huh?” She squeaked, confused. Her cheek was stained by the ugliness of tears.

“Don’t blame yourself.” He said in a whisper to her ear. His fingers clutched her close, like a lifeline. While ordinarily she’d have pushed him away by now, her pain and fear kept her from moving.

She didn’t deserve this. 

But she wanted it.

She needed it.

“I know what it’s like to feel like an ass for things you did.” He said, not letting her go for even a second. “I lost to Choso in Shibuya, and that caused Sukuna to kill thousands. I failed to kill Mahito at the end of that day when you and and Nanami and so many others died, and that let Kenjaku start the fucking Culling Games. 

I died at the detention centre on our first mission as a trio, and that gave Sukuna the key to take over Fushiguro’s body last November. My fuck up from our first mission gave Sukuna to tools he needed to become unstoppable, so many months after the detention centre had become a forgettable memory for me.

I have fucked up, again and again and again. I’m the reason there’s a crater in Shibuya. I’m the reason you died because I couldn’t stop Mahito. I’m the reason the Culling Games exist, and Sukuna came back, and Tengen’s barriers have been wrecked.

I’m the reason Gojo-Sensei is fucking dead.”.

Silence enveloped the air. The darkness made sight impossible, but the feel of his arms around her gave comfort. His words laced into both their minds like a poison.

She was cold. She was cold.

“We all do terrible things we don’t mean to, from pushing others away in fear of being left behind, to not being strong enough to save anyone, or even weak enough that we outright kill everyone.” Yuji continued, fingers digging into the shoulders and back of her uniform jacket. “You acted stupid because you’re human, and it took training for the fight against Sukuna last month for me to realise that I can’t undo my mistakes because I’m human. We’re human, Kugisaki-san.”.

She was cold. She was…cold.

“But my mistakes don’t define me.”.

She was…cold. She…was…cold.

“What I do today and tomorrow defines me.”.

She was…..cold?

“So, I wanted to apologise.”.

Finally, he let go of her and stepped back. Kugisaki found herself feeling….not bad.

She didn’t feel cold.

“Both for being so…mean to you earlier and for trying to pin your actions…against you.” He said, picking up the bag from the floor. “Just because I suffered, it doesn’t make your suffering or fear any less important.”.

He put something in her hand. A small piece of watermelon candy, flavoured like the real thing but firm like a gummy and the size of a thumb. He gave her a smile as he did so.

She didn’t feel cold.

He knew her favourite food was watermelon.

She didn’t feel cold.

Her heartbeat slowed. The pain in her skull ceased. Her breathing became less erratic and unstable.

She didn’t feel cold.

Kugisaki popped the sweet into her mouth.

It tasted nice. There wasn’t the crunch and juice of the fruit, but it did have the sweet, summer-like flavour. The gumminess of the candy stretched between her teeth, but split as easily as paper and slid down her throat. The little sprinkles of that dust that make these treats a little sour caused her tongue to hack and slam against the back of her teeth.

She didn’t feel cold.

“So, you want me to help you go back to your dorm?” He asked, passing her the bag. More treats, some watermelon, some orange slices shaped and some even shaped and coloured as miniature whole lemons.

Her mind thought over the question. Her legs moved toward the door.

Cold.

Her eyes stared back at Itadori, still standing. Still smiling.

Still warm.

The campus was empty. Yuta, Maki, Panda and the other second years would be at the Gojo Estate. Kamo, Miwa, Iori-sensei and the others from Kyoto would either be at their homes or the Kamo Clan Estate.

Everyone else available at the school was on a mission right now or in their own spaces.

Her eyes glanced back at the open door to the hallway.

Cold.

“No.” She replied, stepping back toward him.

Warm.

“You wanna stay?” He asked, before pulling something off the top of his wardrobe. “Well, we can watch a movie if you want.”.

Her eyes glanced at the door.

Cold. Too cold.

Her lips curled in a smile. She sat on the far end of the sofa, opposite his favourite spot, given that if he watched TV, he’d always watch it from there.

“You pick any dumb slasher shit and I will hurl this bag at you.” She teasingly threatened, clutching the paper and tossing him a sweet.

Itadori chuckled, sitting down next to her. 

Not his usual spot. 

Next to her.

The movie started playing, and she recognised it. That one that was about people who cheat death by escaping a plane set to explode and get killed off in order of how they should have died. While she didn’t remember the name, she remembered people talking about it and its sequels growing up.

While it wasn’t something she’d ordinarily watch, and would probably follow through with her threat over, she didn’t make a sound. Her fingers slipped down to the bag, only to miss entirely.

She meant to miss.

Her fingers coiled into the gaps of his hand, forcing her grip on him. Her legs tucked into the sofa much in the same way he had done, but her back didn’t stay straight on the sofa like he did/

“I missed you.” She whispered, hating the sound of her voice cutting the silence.

Yuji’s hand gave hers a firm squeeze. He felt her face rest on his shoulder.

“I missed you, too.” He whispered back. His voice sounded with equal care and fear as hers. It made the interruption of her voice feel less off-putting or unwarranted.

It made her feel warm.

Kugisaki Nobara felt warm.