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“Cirrus?” Your voice softly sounded through his little study from your spot at the door.
He didn’t turn to face you, but a soft hum emanated from him. “Do you need something, little star?”
“Cirrus…” you repeated, almost feebly. This time, he turned. You could imagine just from the shape of his mouth what his expression looked like under his mask: eyebrows drawn and eyes just a tad wider than usual in surprise and concern.
“What bothers you?” He collected himself again, his expression neutralizing somewhat, though you could still feel his eyes on you. You simply took a tired, tentative step forward, as if asking permission to come in. Cirrus took in the sight of you; your mask was off, which you didn’t make a habit of during the day, and your face was pale, pained tension evident on your face and in your stance. When you still said nothing, simply staring at him with achingly owlish eyes, he stood, a tender smile gracing his lips. He closed the distance between you, leaning down slightly and hooking a finger under your chin to tilt your face up. “I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s the matter, little star… I know you wouldn’t have bothered me while I’m working if it wasn’t important, right?” Though his smile had been genuine, something icy needled its way into his tone, a clear implication of punishment if you were disturbing him without cause.
Normally, that wouldn’t have bothered you; you’d grown accustomed to his threats and you usually stayed in line. But normally, you also wouldn’t deign to bother him while he was working to begin with. You couldn’t move, couldn’t pull away now when he was so close, close so that you could smell the incense that clung heavily to the thick cotton of his robes, close so that you could feel his finger under your chin, the fabric of his glove soft against your uncomfortably warm skin. You couldn’t move to tell him why you’d come to him, no; it seemed embarrassing now, and likely wasn’t a wish he’d care to indulge. You couldn’t move as pain seized your abdomen and lanced up your back.
Your eyes stung slightly, tears you hadn’t realized were building threatening to slip down your cheeks. “I’m… sorry,” you managed, barely a whisper. Cirrus wasn’t going to let go of you until you either explained or he got tired of waiting for you to do so.
At the sight of your impending tears, his mouth curled down. “Unless you’re referring to the fact you’re disrupting my work, you have nothing to apologize for that I know of. Either way, I can’t help you if you refuse to explain yourself. I can tell you’re in pain, little star, but see no visible reason for it. Is there something you want from me to help with your pain?”
“I’m…” you sighed, your cheeks flushing and your watery eyes finally breaking his gaze, despite him still holding your face up to his. “Yes… though not in the way you’re thinking.”
“Elaborate.”
“It’s just, a certain time of the month… and it’s usually not this bad. I, I don’t want any of your potions or concoctions to try and get rid of the pain, I just want,” your voice died in your throat and your eyes flicked back up to his. “...you. I know how busy you are, but it hurts so bad. I just want to be held.” Your eyes drifted away again.
Cirrus’s thumb brushed up along your cheek, catching a tear that had finally fallen. He couldn’t deny that something swelled in his chest at your words, something strong and cloyingly sweet, and almost prideful. Many a pitiful face had crossed before him asking for help, but it was always parasocial to a degree, and assumed him as a median between the beggar and the Lunar God. Yet here you were, disrupting his work with a much more personal request. He wasn’t sure when you’d become so important to be able to ask such a thing, let alone for him to consider agreeing. For a long time, the only things he’d given importance were the ones that aided and promoted his goals. And yet…
And yet he’d let you in, slowly but surely. And yet he’d gotten almost attached to you, to your presence and your fire and the sweetness of your voice. You could never come between him and his mission, you both knew that, and yet at some point he decided it wouldn’t hurt to share parts of himself with you as long as you stayed in line. “Sweet little star,” his smile returned, uncharacteristically gentle. “Come, then.” The priest released your face and drew you into his side. “Though you’re in pain now, pain cleanses. It’s your body’s own penance for not bearing a child.” Though I’m sure neither of us would prefer that alternative as a solution, he refrained from adding. He spoke soothingly to you as he navigated through the church to your room, filling the silence as you remained quiet. “It’s necessary and natural for nearly every species’ females; though if you’re in an abnormal amount of pain, perhaps we should have someone confirm everything is operating normally.”
Thankfully, though the church was large its layout wasn’t especially complex, and the two of you had reached your room before long. Cirrus guided you over through the plain room to your bed. “You’re certain you need nothing but my company?”
You nodded slightly as you climbed onto the bed, half-sitting for a moment as you fixed your eyes on him nervously. It was unlike him to do something as ‘pointless’ as getting in bed in the middle of the day and you weren’t convinced he wouldn’t leave now that you were settled in. But instead of leaving, the towering man lowered himself carefully to the edge of your bed with a soft, resigned sigh. Carefully, he slipped his mask from his face. As far as you knew, you were the only one who got to see him without it, and that was already rare, usually only happening when the two of you slept in the same bed. Piercing golden eyes fixed on you in a look you would’ve considered loving from most people; Cirrus was a little harder to decipher. There was no doubt that he’d developed some sort of soft spot for you, but you also still weren’t sure if he was capable of truly loving something. Though, you’d started to think that, just maybe, he had a different view of love than most. That he truly viewed his ritualistic practices as some sort of spiritual cleanse (though there was no denying he got some level of personal enjoyment from them as well) and that he thought he was performing them out of some twisted place of love. It was a dangerous line of thought, you knew that, but the closer you felt you got to him, the more you doubted he was really all that bad.
“What’s got you thinking so hard, little star?” Cirrus slowly began to lay down, earning a sad look from you as he laid on the covers rather than under them. With a soft chuckle, he adjusted, sidling close.
“Just… you.” You snuggled into his side, thankful for his warmth as you curled into him. Hesitantly, he reciprocated. His large body wrapped around you, comfortable. Safe.
“Me? Well. I’m flattered.” Another quiet laugh escaped him, though this one sounded mildly more sarcastic.
“Cirrus?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
The heavy silence of the old building was your response. You’d expected about as much.
“You don’t have to say it back, but I just… you’ve become important to me in a way I never could’ve comprehended. I guess I don’t know if it’s love or just some sort of… affectionate dependance, but time will tell. What I do know is, despite everything, I trust you. If that makes me crazy, so be it. But for better or for worse, I’m here, and I’m going to stay at your side as long as you’ll let me. Even still, I don’t know you that well, but I’m willing to bet I know you better than anyone else under or above this godforsaken mountain, the real you. I can only know as much as you let me know, though, so… thank you for letting me in, Cirrus. I hope I can continue to get to know and love all of you.” Once you’d finished your little speech, you tilted your head back to look at him. The look on his face was one you’d possibly never seen. Raw, soft surprise was etched across his features. Ever-collected, he corrected the look quickly, but he was too keen to think you’d missed it.You tucked your head back into his chest with a gentle smile.
“Thank you, little star. I’ll do my best not to misplace your trust.” His smirk was practically audible in his voice. You really were something, weren’t you? It was always a tossup between the two of you who was two steps ahead, despite him rarely ever losing the upper hand. His arms encircled you, pulling you ever so slightly further into him, and you could’ve sworn you felt him kiss the top of your head. “Rest now. I’ll be here when you wake.”