Chapter Text
Song Lan does not like to spend much time in the human realm.
Similarly, he finds himself fascinated by it.
Song Lan rarely had reason to leave the demon realm. His home was a cold one, but for a snow ogre such as himself, the snow was far more comforting to his soul than the warmth found in other realms could ever be.
The demon realms are vast and Song Lan was well aware that not all of those who called it home shared his culture. But within the snowy mountains and his small village, there were rules that made sense to Song Lan.
Kindness was to be returned with kindness. Cruelty was to be returned with cruelty. Protect one's own and know that protecting one's neighbor is much the same, because any threat to a neighbor can be a threat to one's own. Share what one has when affluent and do not be too arrogant to accept help when one is not. Do not interfere in the ways of others for as long as they do not interfere in one’s own ways.
Similar unwritten laws had filled Song Lan’s heart since his time of birth, so he took them all as the truth of the world.
However, Song Lan’s cousin who lived in the warmer sunny mountains always spoke of the lawless nature of the human realm.
Xiao Xingchen was utterly fascinated by it and by all the varying cultures within the demon realm as well. Song Lan tried to warn his cousin many times that this felt dangerous, but he was always weak to his beloved cousin's requests. They had been close friends since childhood and despite being cousins, they were as close as brothers.
So when Xiao Xingchen persisted in wanting to visit the human realm, Song Lan had no choice but to follow suit and come along to protect his cousin from the countless dangers that would await him.
They wore straw hats to hide their horns and veils to hide their features and Xiao Xingchen practically danced through the streets in search of new things to explore. Song Lan was less enthusiastic.
While Xiao Xingchen saw the wonders of human cuisine, Song Lan couldn’t help but peek down dirty alley ways to see starving men. While Xiao Xingchen delighted in the culture of a festival, Song Lan couldn’t help but notice the rampant theft that street children indulged in while others were distracted. While Xiao Xingchen crowed with delight upon seeing a fireworks display, Song Lan scowled when he saw one of the servants burn themselves to appease their master's delight for the beautiful display.
Song Lan found that the human world didn’t follow any of the laws that made sense to him. These people were selfish and senseless and while he could appreciate the beauty that Xiao Xingchen always pointed out to him, he couldn’t help but see the filth behind it.
Xiao Xingchen had them attend many festivals. Explore different territories. All while lying to their grandmother about where they were going and all with an insatiable love to learn more.
Eventually however, their grandmother learned of Xiao Xingchen’s deceit and he was punished with isolation training. Although Song Lan knew how much their grandmother treasured Xiao Xingchen and knew that the punishment would neither be low nor harsh. Perhaps only a few months or a year at most and it was unlikely to be harsh training. Truly, Xiao Xingchen’s only real punishment would be that his desire for adventure wouldn’t be quenched for the time being.
Unfortunately though, this left Song Lan with an odd feeling in his chest.
He’d never really gone to the human realm because he wanted to go. And yet, now that he had no reason to, he felt oddly compelled to go.
He’d also never gone without being there as Xiao Xingchen’s protector.
It wasn’t that there was anything there that Song Lan liked. The world was strange and cruel and he much preferred his village in the mountains. Where it was pleasantly cold and he was surrounded by all those who he loved.
Yet, Song Lan couldn’t help but think of glimpses in the moonlight.
The closest human village to their borders was a small and poor one. Xiao Xingchen sometimes spent time there handing out food, although he often wanted to explore further to see new sights.
Still, it was the place they stopped at most frequently due to its proximity.
Song Lan suspected that some of the villagers knew they were demons or at least knew demons explored this border, as they always treated the pair carefully. Much more carefully than other villages and cities.
The first time they passed through this village, they had been hardly more than children. Xiao Xingchen had only just past his tenth year and Song Lan would soon catch up to him. However, as demons, they were much stronger at a younger age than most humans were. Unless they ran into cultivators, it was unlikely that any among the humans would be their match.
Which was why Xiao Xingchen had felt completely confident in picking a fight with a cart driver who nearly ran over a human child. Xiao Xingchen fought with words, although his strength was peerless in his own village and he could have easily done away with the human, yet when Song Lan saw the whip headed toward his beloved cousin, he couldn’t help but intervene.
It was a quick affair. The cart driver was left beaten in the gutter and Xiao Xingchen comforted the human child with some sweets and the pair of them moved on.
Song Lan didn’t think about it until later when staying at a nearby inn, he thought he spotted the human child from before following them.
Just a glimpse. Just a moment. Just dark russet eyes reflected in moonlight.
The child was no danger to either of them and Song Lan suspected that he wanted more sweets, which Xiao Xingchen would be happy to give if asked, so Song Lan tried not to pay it any mind.
The boy never approached though and Xiao Xingchen never seemed to notice. It was only for Song Lan to pay mind to.
And perhaps, because Song Lan had been raised to give when he could give, even if this the human realm where no such culture here, Song Lan would ‘forget’ food in places that might be easy for the child to snatch. Nothing like the sweets that Xiao Xingchen offered to the children he met, because Song Lan thought that a nourishing meal was more important than a sweet taste, and so nothing that would endear him to the boy. Which was well enough, Song Lan had no desire to catch any more glimpses of the human child.
Yet, it seemed to be something he couldn’t shake away.
Whenever they passed through the village, Song Lan would catch glimpses of a shadow haunting their steps and only by the light of the moon, he could see the shape of a familiar child.
Song Lan did his best to ignore him. Although he still made the effort to ‘forget’ food in convenient places, there was no need to pay attention to the filthy boy.
Song Lan only paid him a bit more mind when he spotted the shadow following them to bigger cities.
It seemed dangerous. The small village at the border was comparably quite safe in comparison to large cities full of all sorts of cruel people. There were plenty more carts with whips and the boy had already nearly been the victim of one before.
Song Lan once left Xiao Xingchen by a merchant stall, talking eagerly to the merchant about their craftsmanship, to very briefly dispose of a group of ruffians known for messing with street children and then returned to his cousin’s side in time to be told all about the miraculous way this merchant weaved beads into jewelry.
Song Lan was always happy to hear about the things his cousin loved and so he listened intently. He also kept an ear out for the now familiar steps of their shadow.
Song Lan bought a necklace at the stall, a small one with only one russet jewel that reminded him of moonlight, and then conveniently ‘forgot’ it behind him when he heard those familiar steps.
The years passed easily like this.
The shadow that followed them grew in size. And apparently found better things to do with his time. Song Lan found that the time when they would be followed dwindled with the years. Mostly just when they passed through the small village and only a few times in the larger cities. Song Lan suspected the boy only did it for a meal, knowing Song Lan’s ‘forgetful’ nature and Xiao Xingchen’s penchant for protecting the weak.
Song Lan tried not to mind it.
It was hardly important. Whether the boy followed them or found better things to do with his time wasn’t of any relevance to Song Lan. And he certainly wasn’t worried on the nights when he couldn’t catch even a glimpse of russet in moonlight.
He definitely didn’t stay up at night thinking of all the times they walked by starved corpses left to rot in alleyways or witnessed the brutality of the human realm.
He certainly didn’t go on midnight walks out of a sense of worry. He only felt restless being in such a warm climate and needed to calm his nerves. He was only worried for his dear cousin and wanted to make sure the village was truly safe for them before going to sleep as well. He definitely didn’t feel a sense of relief when he once found the scrappy teen safely asleep in a gutter.
Song Lan ‘forgot’ his fur cloak that day, leaving it in some gutter because he didn’t need or want it anymore. Xiao Xingchen pestered him about it a bit in the morning, but Song Lan expertly dodged his cousin’s laughing inquiries.
The boy was nothing more than a glimpse to him. One human among many.
Yet, here Song Lan was, walking the slow winding path down the mountain and toward the border, an unease in his heart that he couldn’t quite grasp.
It had been a month since Xiao Xingchen’s secret was revealed and therefore a month since his punishment had begun. The northern mountains did not have the same isolation laws as the southern mountain, so Song Lan wasn’t subject to the same punishment. Though it felt wrong to do what his cousin longed to do most when his cousin couldn’t.
A month was a long while though.
Humans could starve to death within a month, couldn’t they? Their bodies were fragile. That was fine though. Song Lan was hardly the only source of food and besides that, he had no obligation or fondness for a mere glimpse.
There was no reason for him to be bothered.
Song Lan’s hand clenched and unclenched at his side, silently calculating the previous time between trips. He could hardly recall. He’d always just gone when Xiao Xingchen wanted to.
So why was he going now?
Song Lan didn’t delight in the food and the culture there the way that Xiao Xingchen did. He didn’t delight in making friendly acquaintances with the human locals. He didn’t like the busy marketplaces or busier festivals.
There was no reason for him to go alone and yet he couldn’t help himself.
All month he’d thought about it and fought himself and even found himself staring at hidden corners shaded by moonlight and hoping.
It was an odd feeling.
Humans were crude and cruel and lacked compassion. This human was surely no different.
Song Lan had spotted clever hands thieving and bruises from fights he’d won and knew the boy wasn’t a kind human, like some of the ones Xiao Xingchen befriended and adored. He was filthy and selfish and only ever followed their shadows because of Xiao Xingchen’s giving nature and Song Lan’s ‘forgetfulness’.
The innkeeper looked startled to see Song Lan alone. Song Lan rarely talked to humans, normally Xiao Xingchen did more than enough talking for them both, and he knew that his cold expression often scared them.
The innkeeper stuttered out his replies and led Song Lan to a room where he sat and stared out the window calmly.
The moonlight could barely be seen through the shade of the clouds and somehow that caused Song Lan’s heart to stutter.
It felt so foolish to sit here and wait like this. He couldn’t even say with certainty just what he was waiting for. Just that his heart wouldn’t be settled until his patience was rewarded.
Xiao Xingchen would tease him if he learned that Song Lan was behaving so strangely. His dear cousin was well aware that Song Lan held no special love for the human realm. Song Lan did not keep any secrets from his closest friend,
…except perhaps glimpses in moonlight…
It wasn’t really a secret. If Xiao Xingchen had asked, Song Lan would answer without hesitation. It was merely that Xiao Xingchen had never asked and it hardly seemed like an important matter.
Sure, Xiao Xingchen would definitely have been fascinated with a human who chose to follow them. He liked those sorts of strange things. When he caught street children stalking him for candy, Xiao Xingchen would delight in surprising them and engaging them with games to play the entire afternoon away. It wasn’t that it was information that Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t want to know.
It was just…
Song Lan couldn’t explain it even to himself. The same way he couldn’t explain why he was here at an inn in the human realm where it was always uncomfortably warm instead of back in the snowy mountains with his village.
The same reason he didn’t understand why russet eyes sometimes appeared in his dreams.
Song Lan waited long enough to feel like a true fool.
Then, when his patience was at its limit and he was ready to return to his mountain in a fit of indignant emotions, Song Lan heard a commotion from outside the inn.
Despite himself, the angry voices had Song Lan’s heart leaping to his throat and he hurriedly left to find the source.
A merchant was being threatened by a delinquent. It wasn’t an uncommon sight in the human realm. Song Lan couldn’t claim to have any love for the way that outlaws were allowed to strut their strength about and threaten those weaker than themselves. He honestly had nothing but disdain for it.
If Xiao Xingchen were here, he would attempt to unwind the situation with peaceful and patient negotiation. Xiao Xingchen was more than capable of asserting his way through strength alone, but he would never stoop that low unless all other options were exhausted.
Song Lan was exhausted. His patience was thin and his heart ached and he had none of Xiao Xingchen’s finesse with communication.
Wordlessly, Song Lan approached and snatched the delinquents hand from where it had risen, holding it there firmly and glaring down at the man who disrupted his already awful night.
Russet eyes widened, the light from the stall illuminating them better than the moonlight could. Messy hair and sharp teeth and a familiar feeling building inside of Song Lan’s chest.
The last time that Song Lan had a clean look at the boy, he had been so much younger. Now, it was hardly right to call him a boy at all. He was a man–a violent delinquent at that–and his face was forming into a snarl that threatened a fight.
Song Lan’s head was a mess.
He didn’t know what to say or do, heart rattling in his chest relentlessly and the sounds of bustling humans around them and a warm wrist held firmly in his icy grip.
Without thinking or sparing a single word, Song Lan began to drag the delinquent toward the inn. Ignoring the chattering around him and the curses behind him and the way that the delinquent tugged helplessly on his grip and even how small the wrist felt inside of his hand.
Small and breakable and yet ready to engage in such violence.
His head was a mess.
When he reached his room in the inn, Song Lan all but tossed the delinquent onto the bed and glared down at him. Ignoring the vile curses peeling off of his tongue as he confirmed what he’d noticed in the market.
He looked thin and there were heavy black rings under his eyes and his clothes were filthy.
“Sleep.” Song Lan said coldly and turned away to the counter where he had earlier ordered a hearty meal he had no intention to eat.
“What…?” The delinquent asked, his question sounding more like a threat.
Song Lan realized he had no answer for him, so he swept out of the room. Conveniently ‘forgetting’ the food and ‘forgetting’ the room that was already paid for and ‘forgetting’ the way the warm wrist made his palm tingle.
Song Lan ‘forgot’ all about the delinquent as he rushed back up the path to the mountain, his heart throbbing in his chest and an indescribable feeling running through his veins.
He promised himself that he wouldn’t do that again. There was no reason to wander into the human realm without Xiao Xingchen. There was no reason to interact with the delinquent. There was no reason…
Song Lan paused in his ascent, looking up at the moonlight peaking through the clouds and thought once more of the delinquent he left behind in the inn.
On his neck was a necklace with a russet bead. One that could, and should, have been sold for food years and years ago. Resting against his throat and worn openly for the world to see.
Song Lan clenched and unclenched his fists.
He truly didn’t care much for the human realm. There was nothing there that he liked and he only after went to appease his cousin.
And yet, he knew with certainty that he would break his promise to himself and descend the mountain again.
Even if it was only to catch the barest glimpse of russet in the moonlight.