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Soda knew that Ponyboy was struggling, but for the first time ever, he didn't know how to help his baby brother.
Ponyboy's seventeenth birthday was in a week, and everyone could see that it was weighing heavily on him. When Soda asked Darry why his brother was so torn up over a birthday, he got the harsh reminder that Johnny never got to see seventeen, and suddenly everything made sense.
Soda and Ponyboy had always been thick as thieves, but there had been something between Ponyboy and Johnny that used to make him jealous. The pair would go off to the corner of the room and sit together, not needing a single word to communicate. When Johnny would stumble in after one of his parents beat him, Ponyboy would be anxiously waiting for him to be patched up, and then the two would go back to his room and emerge a few hours later with Johnny actually smiling for once. Soda would watch this and feel a pit of jealousy build in his stomach. When Johnny died in front of Ponyboy, Soda wished that he could feel that jealousy again.
The next few months were difficult for everyone. Ponyboy got sick and then when he got better, it seemed like all he and Darry could do was fight. It wasn't until Soda had enough and ran out that things finally got better, but a few times a month, the familiar sound of screaming filled the house, and Soda was once again forced to be in the middle. Darry was too stressed from taking on more responsibility than a twenty-year-old should have while Ponyboy was still reeling from losing two of his friends in the same night, and neither one could understand the other.
Now, they were lucky to even get a full sentence out of Ponyboy.
It had started maybe three months before. Soda had been getting ready for bed when Ponyboy asked him to start sleeping in his own room. They had just stared at each other for way too long before Soda nodded and headed to his old bedroom, ignoring the dust, and cried himself to sleep. He couldn't tell you if they were happy tears or tears or tears of worry and sadness. He had noticed that Ponyboy was staying closer to his own side of the bed and would shove him off when Soda tried to throw an arm over him, but he figured it was just teenage hormones. When he came home from work the next day and found his sheets and blankets clean and all his clothes and personal items lying on his bed, Soda felt like a knife was stabbing his heart over and over again.
Ponyboy didn't say if he was having more nightmares. When Soda or Darry would ask, he would tell them that he wasn't having them anymore, but they could see the bags growing under his eyes. He claimed that it was from the stress of finals approaching, but Soda knew better. Darry told him that Ponyboy was sixteen now and old enough to handle himself, so Soda tried not to worry, but it was hard. A month after he changed rooms, he came home from the rodeo at two in the morning and realized that something was seriously wrong.
"You gonna stay here tonight?" Soda asked Steve when he plopped down on the couch with a beer. The house was mostly silent and dark except for a light coming out of the bathroom, likely from Ponyboy having his head in the clouds so he didn't remember to turn it off, but Soda was so tired that he plopped down on the couch with a mental reminder to turn it off before he went to bed.
"My old man wouldn't be too happy with me comin' in this late," Steve confirmed.
"You started lookin' for apartments yet?" Soda asked. Steve had started working full-time at the DX after he graduated high school and had no plans of going to college, but he needed to get out of his house.
"Nah, not yet. I still need a roommate," Steve answered, giving Soda a look that he tried to ignore. When Steve said that he was going to look for an apartment, he asked Soda to move in with him, but Ponyboy still needed him, so he turned down the offer.
"I can't, Steve. I still need to help Darry with Ponyboy," Soda sighed. The light from the lamp was dim, but it was enough so he could see the disappointment on Steve's face.
"Ponyboy's fine, Soda. He's sixteen now and he's been sleepin' on his own for weeks now. When are you gonna start thinkin' about yourself?" Steve asked, making Soda frown.
"I am, Steve, but Darry can't afford Pony's track and the bills and food all on his own, and I wouldn't be able to give him as much money if I have to pay rent. I'm nothin' without my brothers, Steve. Maybe when Ponyboy goes to college we can find an apartment together, but 'til then, you're more than welcome to crash on the couch," Soda told him. With Two-Bit doing his best to get sober and find a stable job, he was spending more time at his own house, so the couch was usually open.
"Yeah, whatever," Steve muttered. Soda sighed again and ran his hand through his hair with a yawn, standing up to head to bed.
"Night, Steve," Soda said, hearing a murmured response full of snark.
Soda rolled his eyes at his friend and headed back to his room. The bathroom light was still on, so Soda put his hand out to open the door to turn it off when he heard a small hiss followed by a sniffle. His hand froze and then he hesitantly knocked.
"Who's in there?" Soda asked softly, not wanting to wake up anyone else. It wasn't as common anymore, but they would sometimes still wake up to some random greaser on their couch or in their kitchen. It was usually Curly Shepherd since he and Ponyboy had gotten closer recently, although Soda thought that he heard that the teen was in jail.
"Go 'way."
Soda sighed and went to open the door at Ponyboy's soft voice, but he found it locked. With how many people were in the house, it was rare for them to lock the door. Soda couldn't remember how many times he got hit with a rush of cold water because he was showering when someone came in to use the bathroom and flushed. Concern filled Soda's mind and he tried the handle again, but it still wouldn't budge.
"You sick, Pony? Open the door for me," Soda said softly, not wanting to wake up Darry. Sunday was his only day off and he didn't want to disturb his slumber.
"I said go away," Ponyboy spat. Soda's eyebrows furrowed and he took a step back at the angry tone. They were brothers, so of course, they had the occasional argument or wrestling match, but Ponyboy had never used that tone with him.
"Pony, what's wrong? Just open the door," Soda insisted, panic starting to rush up at him. He heard a sob and what sounded like a hiss of pain, all logical thought disappearing. Soda might've been a high school dropout, but he understood people, and he knew Ponyboy best. Something was wrong.
"Soda, what's goin' on?" Steve groaned, coming to stand at the end of the hallway to see why he wasn't going to bed yet. Soda ignored his friend and rushed to Darry's room, turning on the light to see well enough to dig through their Mama's vanity. Darry immediately groaned at being ripped from his sleep and pulled the blanket over his head.
"What time is it?" Darry mumbled, sighing as he turned over and put the blanket down to glare at Soda.
"Where's the bathroom key?" Soda asked. He was making a mess, but he couldn't find it in him to care. Darry groaned again and pulled the blanket back over his head to try and fall asleep.
"Soda, go to bed," Darry said tiredly.
"I think Pony's hurtin' himself. Where the fuck is the key?" Soda asked. Darry was jumping out of bed in a second to help Soda look, immediately running to the bathroom when they found the key mixed in with a pile of documents and letters.
"Ponyboy, we're comin' in!" Darry announced.
"No! I'm fine! Stay out!" Ponyboy yelled, but they didn't listen. Darry had the door open and after a small fight since Ponyboy was trying to hold the door closed, they opened the door to see Ponyboy standing there with an old razor on the ground and blood staining his pajama pants.
"Oh, baby," Soda soothed. Ponyboy's bottom lip trembled, and then the floodgates opened. Darry's face tightened as he got to work, handing the used razor to Steve in the hallway and then getting the first aid kit ready while Soda gathered his baby brother in his arms.
"I'm sorry," Ponyboy sobbed. It was hard to hold him with how much he was shaking, so Soda led them to sit down on the ground. Ponyboy felt tiny in his arms, Soda holding onto him tighter.
"It's okay, honey. Just let us see so we can help," Darry told him as he kneeled down. Ponyboy shook his head, whining in pain when his hands touched his thighs.
"Darry'll be careful, and I'll be right here the whole time," Soda told him, trying to hide with waver in his voice. Ponyboy whimpered and hid his face in Soda's neck as Darry carefully took off his pajama pants and rolled up his underwear enough to see what the damage was. Ponyboy had four cuts on each thigh, overlapping what looked like hundreds of other cuts in various stages of healing. They covered most of his upper thighs and seemed to go higher up to reach his hips too, and Soda tried not to vomit at the sight. How hadn't he noticed this before?"
"They're not too deep," Darry said mostly to himself. His voice was even but Soda could see his hands shaking as he patched up the cuts. Ponyboy held onto Soda's hand in a vice-like grip and let out small whines of pain, tears staining Soda's shirt until Darry finally put the last bandage on. No one said anything until Darry had washed his hands and sat down on the floor.
"Pony, what's goin' on?" Soda asked.
"It's just hard," Ponyboy whispered. He sounded and looked five years old again, but he had gone through way too much.
"What is, baby?" Darry asked in a soft voice that he rarely used. The last time Soda could remember hearing it was when Ponyboy was sick almost two years before.
"Life."
Soda squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to tighten his arms too much around Ponyboy, but a surge of terror filled his entire body at the one simple word. When Ponyboy first woke up after being sick, Darry made sure someone was with him for the first few weeks until he was sure that Ponyboy wouldn't do anything to himself. Now, when they thought he was finally making true improvements, it seemed like they were back in the past.
"Pony, did somethin' happen?" Darry asked.
"No. 'M just so...so tired," Ponyboy whispered, his voice breaking as he let out a sob.
"Oh, honey," Soda soothed, running a hand through his bleached hair. He missed the auburn color, but Ponyboy would bleach his hair every few weeks whenever he caught a glimpse of the red making an appearance.
"I miss Johnny," Ponyboy choked out.
"I miss him too, baby, but you can't do this," Soda told him, blinking away his tears.
"You have to talk to us, Ponyboy. We'd do anythin' to help you," Darry said, putting a hand on Ponyboy's knee. The teen stared at the hand and then looked up at Darry with blank eyes.
"I don't think you can help me with this."
Soda had moved back into Ponyboy's room that night. The teen wasn't given any room to argue, not when they caught him three more times in one month sneaking into the bathroom to break open his razor. Darry begged for a raise and more hours so they could afford to send Ponyboy to a therapist, but they could only afford one session a month, two if they didn't get any sodas or chocolate cake.
Two-Bit had somehow managed to graduate from high school, but he was more than willing to give Ponyboy rides to and from school and hang out with him anyway. Darry and Soda knew that he was looking for a job, but he assured them that he didn't mind keeping an eye on Ponyboy. Even Steve would help out and after a particularly bad beating from his father, he moved into Soda's old room. With his rent money, Ponyboy started therapy once a week with a woman who seemed to actually care, but Ponyboy mostly stayed silent during their sessions. Ponyboy's silence seemed to get worse when school ended for the summer and he realized that someone was always home to watch him. He started reading and writing more, sometimes drawing or painting works that he would never let anyone else see. However, after weeks of this, Ponyboy didn't seem to be doing any better and they were just lost as to what the next step would be.
"Whatchya drawin', Pones?" Soda asked, sitting down next to him on the couch. For the first time in months, Ponyboy didn't move away and Soda smiled with relief.
"Nothin'," Ponyboy muttered in response.
"It has to be somethin'," Soda teased. Ponyboy rolled his eyes and angled the picture away from Soda before he hesitantly turned it around to show him. It was obvious that Ponyboy had been working on the picture for a long time with all the detail, taking Soda's breath away. It was a replica of a picture of the whole gang just messing around one night, taken by their mother. Ponyboy was sitting right next to Johnny with their heads together to talk while Dallas was actually smiling and laughing, something that he rarely did. Everyone else could be seen laughing and joking, Soda and Steve starting to wrestle.
"That's great, Ponyboy," Two-Bit said since he was sitting where he could also see.
"Can never get Dally's face just right," Ponyboy sighed, closing the notebook so they couldn't see it anymore.
"It's great, Pony. Really. When you're done, we can even hang it up somewhere," Soda said with a smile. Ponyboy just shrugged and hesitantly leaned into Soda's side, making his smile grow. He wrapped his arms around his baby brother and tried not to worry about how thin he felt. Darry had tried to force Ponyboy to eat more, but after the teen started throwing up, he gave up and settled on supplementing his food intake with smoothies or foods heavy in protein.
"You think of what you want for your birthday? Maybe some new pencils to draw with," Darry asked.
"Don't gotta get me anythin'," Ponyboy said softly.
"'Course we do. It's your birthday," Soda laughed, teasingly poking his side. For the first time in months, Ponyboy actually laughed a little and the sound was like music to Soda's ears. He could've sworn that Darry almost cried and Steve looked like he was smiling too.
"Don't want you wastin' your money on me," Ponyboy told them, their smiles all falling.
"It's not a waste. It's your birthday, Pones," Darry said with furrowed eyebrows. Ponyboy shrugged and leaned away from Soda's touch.
"I don't want nothin'," Ponyboy said firmly before he stood up and headed back to his room. Darry sighed and ran his hand down his face, leaning back in his chair with the air of someone much older.
"I'll get him some cigs or somethin'," Two-Bit said.
"He hasn't been smokin' lately," Soda informed him. The house still smelled like smoke from the other inhabitants, but it wasn't as bad as it used to be. The front porch was clear of cigarette butts and Ponyboy hadn't had any bouts of coughing in months. Ever since the fire, his lungs just haven't been the same.
"Right," Two-Bit said with a small sigh.
"Get 'im a book. He'll love that," Steve shrugged as he sat down next to Soda.
"I asked him for a list of books he wants, but he told me there wasn't anythin' he wanted," Darry said. His jaw was tight and he swallowed heavily before speaking in a tone quiet enough that Ponyboy wouldn't be able to hear. "His therapist told me 'bout this school in Oklahoma City. It's a boarding school, but they have teachers and therapists there that specialize in helpin' kids like Ponyboy."
"What are you talkin' about?" Soda asked.
"I talked with the principal a few days ago, and Ponyboy would qualify for a scholarship to go there if he continues doin' track. If not, it would be rough, but we could afford the school. They have space and he could go the day after his birthday to get settled since the semester starts in two weeks," Darry explained.
"Darry, you can't be serious. You want to send Ponyboy away?" Soda scoffed. Steve and Two-Bit shuffled awkwardly like they didn't want to be there for the conversation.
"I don't want to, but I think I need to. His therapist recommended it. I don't know how to help him, Soda," Darry said. "This is serious, Soda. I caught him tryin' to take my razor apart last night, and he was just sobbin' until he fell asleep. This isn't somethin' that we can handle here, and if he does somethin', he'd be taken away from us for good and I think that'd...I think that'd really kill him."
"Darry, I don't want him to leave. We can help him, I know we can. I'll get a second job, too, and we can send him to therapy more. We can't send him away," Soda said pleadingly. "You saw him just now. He laughed and he didn't move away from me. I'm sure he'll get better when school starts and he has somethin' to occupy his time."
"Soda, I'm not arguin' with you. I'm sorry, but Ponyboy's goin' to the school. It'll only be for a year, maybe less if he gets better, and they have visitation every month and allow phone calls every week. I have to do this. I can't lose Ponyboy too."
"I'll go."
"Baby, I didn't know you were back," Darry said, standing up to meet Ponyboy, who had snuck out of his room so quietly that no one noticed him there.
"It's fine, Soda. I'll go. I want to get better. I don't-I don't like this," Ponyboy told them, his voice breaking.
"We'll come every month and we'll make sure our schedules work so you can talk to us every week. You'll be home for holidays and breaks, and they have lots of excursions and fun things. You can keep runnin' and-"
"I'll go, Darry. You don't have to convince me," Ponyboy interrupted. Usually, Darry would get onto him for interrupting, but this was the most that the teen had spoken in weeks, so he just gave him a wobbly smile instead.
"This'll be good for you, Pones," Darry said.
"I thought about what I want. Can we go to the zoo tomorrow? All of us?" Ponyboy requested.
"Yeah, of course," Darry responded immediately even though a zoo ticket was horribly expensive and with the gas needed to make it to the zoo, they would be eating cheap meals for the next three months. For the smile on Ponyboy's face, it was worth it.
When Soda climbed into bed that night, Ponyboy attached himself to his side like he used to. Soda's eyesight went blurry, but he just wrapped his arms around his baby brother like that would make everything better.
"I don't wanna turn seventeen," Ponyboy said softly.
"Why not? That means you're almost an adult," Soda said teasingly.
"Johnny was sixteen. He would be eighteen now," Ponyboy said lifelessly. Soda sighed and adjusted them so he could hold on better.
"I know, honey. You know that Johnny wouldn't want you to be upset about that. He'd want you to keep living," Soda encouraged. He had to grab Ponyboy's hand when they started picking at his wrist, a small amount of blood already appearing. With them watching him like a hawk, there were no more marks on Ponyboy's thighs, but he had started scratching himself instead.
"Stay gold."
"What's that mean, Pones?" Soda inquired, but Ponyboy just turned over in his arms.
They had their old Ponyboy back the next day. He woke up with a smile and ate his whole plate of eggs, even asking for more. Darry and Soda had such bright smiles on their faces that they were hurting, but they couldn't help it when they heard Ponyboy laughing at one of Two-Bit's stories.
"He doesn't need to go, Dar," Soda said, giving his older brother a pleading look.
"You know how it goes, Soda. He has his good days and he has his bad. He has more bad than good," Darry reminded him. Soda deflated a little and then squished himself in the truck to be next to Ponyboy.
For the first time in months, Ponyboy smiled and laughed, joking around like he used to. He looked so much younger as he looked at the animals, even spending a whole dollar to feed the giraffes. Soda tried to commit the sound to his memory because he felt like he was forgetting it. They were all reluctant to go home because they were scared that they would make it back to Tulsa and he would go back to how it was before, but they pulled into the driveway and Ponyboy was still laughing at Two-Bit, who was more than eager to keep telling stories.
Darry even stopped at McDonalds for dinner, and Ponyboy ate a whole meal. There wasn't a table big enough for all of them, so Ponyboy decided to sit with Two-Bit. When they got home and Steve was tasked with cleaning the dishes from breakfast, Ponyboy actually volunteered to help.
"I hope the school helps bring this Ponyboy back," Two-Bit said as he stared into the kitchen to see Ponyboy and Steve actually getting along. "He seemed like himself again at dinner. I don't know what it was, but he was talkin' to me like everythin' was normal."
"It will. It has to," Darry said firmly.
"Two, wanna go catch a movie?" Steve asked once the dishes were done. With Soda and Darry both having to work the next day, he knew it would be an automatic no from them and Ponyboy looked exhausted from the day of excitement.
"Sure," Two-Bit nodded. In a surprise move, Ponyboy gave both Two-Bit and Steve a hug.
"What was that for?" Steve asked, a fake grimace on his face.
"Just had a good day with you guys. I love you," Ponyboy said. All of them looked at the teen with shock clear on their faces, but Two-Bit was the first to react.
"Love you too, Pony."
"Yeah, you too, horsekid," Steve said awkwardly after Two-Bit elbowed his side. With a ruffle of Ponyboy's hair and a smile to Darry and Soda, the pair left the brothers alone. Almost immediately, Ponyboy sat next to Soda and cuddled into his side.
"Dar? Come hang out with us," Ponyboy said, patting the spot next to him on the couch. With a grin, Darry quickly smothered both of his brothers and held them close, kissing the top of Ponyboy's head.
"You feelin' better?" Soda asked with a smile.
"Yeah," Ponyboy nodded. "Much better. I had a really good day today."
"Me too," Darry agreed.
"I love you, Darry and Soda. I really do, and I'm sorry for all this. I promise, I've tried my best to be happy," Ponyboy said quietly.
"You don't have to apologize for that, baby. You're doin' a great job, and I'm so proud of you," Darry answered.
"Me too, Pones. I love you," Soda added. Ponyboy gave them both a smile and then wrapped his arms around Soda, shoving his face into his chest.
"I love you," Ponyboy muttered. Soda could've sworn he heard a sniffle, but by the time Ponyboy lifted his head up, his cheeks were dry.
"Love you too, baby," Soda said, kissing Ponyboy's bleached hair. Next, Ponyboy attached himself to Darry.
"Thank you, Darry. I love you."
"I love you, too."
Ponyboy held onto Darry for a moment longer and then stood up. Once again, Soda could've sworn that he saw his lip tremble, but he smiled, and the slight hint of worry left.
"Goodnight, Darry and Soda. I love you."
"See you in the mornin', Pones. I'll be back soon," Soda responded. That time, he did see a flash of something cross over his brother's face, but he just smiled again and headed to the bathroom to get ready to sleep.
"He's gonna get better, Pepsi. This'll be good for him," Darry said. Soda sighed and nodded, paying attention to the random movie that was on the TV. It was close to midnight before Soda decided to call it a night, chuckling at Darry who was already passed out on the couch. After throwing a blanket over him, Soda got ready for bed and then slowly opened the bedroom door to make sure he didn't wake up Ponyboy.
The room was clean. Soda was used to stepping over piles of clothes and books, but everything was nice and neat now, but there was a sour smell in the air that hadn't been there before. Ponyboy was lying on his side on top of the blanket, almost falling off the edge of the bed with his arm hanging off so it was touching the ground. Soda chuckled, assuming that Ponyboy had decided to clean the room and then got so exhausted that he had fallen asleep immediately. The chuckle died in his throat when he realized that Ponyboy wasn't wearing pajamas, but one of his favorite outfits instead.
"Pony, why aren't you in pajamas?" Soda asked, kneeling down next to the bed to shake his brother's shoulder. There was no response to his voice or the motion, Soda's blood instantly growing cold. His hands fumbled to turn on the lamp next to the bed and a choked scream instantly left his lips.
Ponyboy's eyes were wide open and unseeing, his lips blue. Soda glanced down to see that he was almost kneeling in a pile of vomit. That was the reason for the smell, half-dissolved pills obvious. Ponyboy's skin was paler than usual and turning cold when Soda grabbed his cheeks and started shaking. He felt close to vomiting himself when there was no response and Ponyboy's head flopped around limply with Soda's shaking.
"Ponyboy, wake up! This isn't funny, wake up! Please!" Soda pleaded through his sobs. Darry ran into the room and turned on the main light to show that an outfit was carefully folded on the desk with a pile of letters on top, and an empty pill bottle was on the floor next to Ponyboy's outstretched hand.
"Ponyboy! Baby, look at me! You're gonna be okay," Darry said urgently as he ran to sit on the bed and grab Ponyboy's wrist. Soda's eyesight was blurry as he continued to sob, but he could still see the horror on his brother's face when he realized that there wasn't a heartbeat.
"Pony, don't do this to me!" Soda screamed, running a hand through the bleached hair as the green-grey eyes stared ahead and didn't react or blink.
"Go call an ambulance!" Darry ordered, pushing Soda away so he could grab Ponyboy off the bed to lay on the ground, instantly starting CPR. At the sound of cracking ribs, Soda wanted to push Darry away, but his feet stumbled to the front room instead where Two-Bit and Steve were stumbling in. Their smiles and laughter instantly faded away when they saw Soda and a look of terror covered their faces instead.
"What's goin' on, man?" Steve asked. Soda opened his mouth to answer but found that no words would come out.
"Soda, get the ambulance here! Now!" Darry screamed, his voice shaking. Soda's feet refused to move, but Two-Bit seemed to realize what was happening because he jumped into action to call the ambulance while Steve rushed to the bedroom to see what was happening.
Through it all, through Two-Bit and Steve rushing around to try and help while Darry pleaded with Ponyboy to just breathe, through the paramedics running in the house, to Darry coming upfront to hug Soda and sob into his chest as the paramedics left with a body in a bag, Soda just stood there and stared at the wall.
The letters they read the next day explained it all. Ponyboy couldn't turn seventeen when Johnny was still sixteen. He couldn't be the same age as Dally when the bullets ripped him apart, and he couldn't be happy when he was the reason they were dead. Ponyboy told them that he loved them, told them all his favorite memories together, apologized for worrying them, and begged them for forgiveness.
Staring down at his headstone sitting right next to their parents, Soda wasn't sure if he could ever forgive himself for letting his baby brother die. He wasn't mad, though. He could never be mad at Ponyboy for long.
"He's happy now, Soda," Steve said softly, putting a hand on Soda's shoulder. Soda just stared down at the stone, (Ponyboy Curtis; brother, son, friend, artist, track star, and writer; 1951-1968) and wondered how mad his parents would be at him for letting their baby boy not even make it to adulthood. After not getting a response, Steve sighed and walked over to hug a tipsy Two-Bit, both of their eyes red and swollen.
"Let's go home, little buddy," Darry said, putting an arm on Soda's shoulder. His left hand was wrapped from how long and hard he had performed CPR to bring their brother back to life, but the coroner told them that Ponyboy was already gone by the time they made it into the room. The official time of death was 11: 30 pm, only half an hour before Soda went into the room. If he had only gone to bed thirty minutes earlier, Ponyboy would still be alive.
"He told me to stay gold. What's that mean?" Soda asked in a cracking voice. His throat ached from how hard he had been sobbing over the last three days with no sign of stopping anytime soon.
"That's what Johnny told him in his last letter. Told Ponyboy to stay gold 'cause he's so innocent and pure. Johnny told him to tell Dally to look at a sunset too, but it must've been too late," Darry explained with a heavy sigh. Soda hummed and nodded, leaning into his big brother's side. A family of five turned into a family of two in less than five years.
As they headed back to the truck to a house that could never be a home again, Soda wondered how he was supposed to ever feel happiness again.
He was supposed to help Ponyboy, but he failed.
Ponyboy was dead and it was all his fault.