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It was after Dex’s funeral. Trina sighed as she sank down onto the grass of Spencer’s grave. It’s been ages since she had paid him a visit, but one was due. She probably should be at Dex’s grave with Joss, holding her hand, being a support...but she wasn’t much of one when it came to other people’s grief. How could she help Joss bear such a loss when she was yet finished bearing her own? She said that she had put Spencer behind her, trying to seem to be on the right track of healing, but she was far from healed. Yes, she was moving on with her life, allowing her friends back in, returning to work and school...but there was still a part of her heart that was shut away and she didn’t think she’d ever be able to open it again. Now her best friend was suffering the same loss and she had no idea how to support her, how to help her...especially when she remembered how resentful she had felt in those early days after losing Spencer. How she had resented the fact that Joss still had her boyfriend while her boyfriend had disappeared without a trace. She had especially side-eyed Joss when she had broken up with Dex when they both had still been crazy about each other. There Trina was, unable to be with the man she loved, while Joss’s boyfriend was right there, alive and breathing, yet Joss had insisted on not being with him...acting like he was beyond her reach. How Trina had hated her for that…
But now...Dex really was beyond Joss’s reach...and Trina felt horrible for her ill feelings back then! If she had known...she would have tried even harder to get those two back together! She would have been more understanding! Not so judgemental!
“Pretty girl, you’re back!”
“Spencer,” Trina got to her feet and went to him, resting her cheek against his chest as he embraced her.
“You won’t believe who I just got through seeing…”
“I know. Is he with her? Does she know?”
“Yeah, he is….but she doesn’t know. She’s too caught up in her grief. I could be kind and tell him about the dream thing...but I think I’m going to let him figure that out on his own.”
Trina frowned and pulled away. “Spencer, no. You should help them. Joss...needs those dreams.”
“And she’ll get them. He’ll figure it out. Right now, my concern is you. Something is bothering you. I can tell. You should be at the burial site with her...but instead, you’re here with me. Why?”
Trina shrugged and pulled away completely, turning her back to him, so he wouldn’t see her tears. “Because I’m an awful friend.”
“No, you’re not! You’re awesome!”
“No, I’m not. Spencer...after you had died...all Joss had tried to do was cheer me up. She tried to be there for me...and all I could do was be jealous and petty because her boyfriend was alive, but mine was dead. I resented the fact that Dex was alive and breathing, yet she was acting like he was gone when he was right there! That I had all this love for you that I couldn’t give you because you were gone, yet she had all that love for Dex but was refusing to give it to him because of some meaningless issue that she refused to tell me about! It wasn’t fair and I hated her for it...but now...Dex really is gone! I shouldn’t have been so judgemental! I should have been more supportive! I should have tried harder to get them back together so she could have that time they had missed...but now it’s too late and...what kind of friend am I? I had totally failed her!”
“No. You hadn’t. Trina, I was there. I watched you. You were in the depths of your grief...but you pretty much told them both that they were wasting time and why they were wasting time. It was up to them to listen...and they eventually did. But you did what you could, despite your own grief. It wasn’t your job to keep them two together. It wasn’t your responsibility to make sure that they made the most of the time they had.”
“I was still resentful.”
“Of course you were! You had just lost your love and they were being silly about theirs! Who wouldn’t be under those circumstances? That doesn’t make you a bad friend, baby. It makes you human. A human who was dealing with a great loss...who was being forced to watch the world move on when you wanted it to stop.”
“Now Joss is going through the same thing…”
“And she needs her best friend more than ever. Even more than when she had lost Oscar. You should go be with her and leave all the ill feelings in the past. You can do nothing about them now. They’re gone, in the past.”
“She has Gio…”
“Gio is not you, and you know it.”
“What if she knows somehow? What if…”
“Trina, stop. There’s no way she could know and if she does, she understands and doesn’t hold it against you. I do know one thing though. You’ll never forgive yourself if you’re not by Joss’s side as she’s going through this.”
“You’re right,” Trina sniffed, reaching for him again as tears, this time for him appeared. “I can’t stop missing you…”
“I miss you too, pretty girl. Always. But you know where to find me...just open your heart and I’m there. That’s how it always works.”
Trina’s eyes widened, realizing something. “Spencer…”
“Don’t. That’s as much help as I’m giving. It’s up to you on how to deliver that message. Now wake up and go to Joss.”
Trina pulled away again and lifted her lips to meet his in one final kiss, knowing that it wouldn’t be their last one.
….
Trina found Joss at the grave site, staring at the now-filled grave that held Dex’s corpse. She looked at Trina with tear-filled eyes.
“You went to see Spencer, didn’t you? I’m sorry, I know how hard it is for you to be here,” Joss apologized, looking away one last time.
“It’s not as hard as it once was. Even though his body isn’t here, just having a place to go helps me feel closer to him. How are you holding up?”
“Barely. This feels so different from when I had lost Oscar. I knew Oscar was going to die...but Dex was healthy and strong. I talked to him that night for goodness sake and he sounded like he always did! That stab wound was not life-threatening! I don’t understand!”
Trina went to her friend and wrapped her arms around her tightly. “I wish that you didn’t have to go through this, Joss. I never wanted you to go through this...for him to go so unexpectantly like…”
“I know.”
“He was so kind. So sweet. And he loved you so much.”
“I can’t believe that I’ll never see him again.”
“You know….I feel Spencer around sometimes. I even dream of him when I really need him. I just open my heart and there he is. He comes to me...and I think that Dex can come to you the same way. He just has to make Spencer show him how to do it.”
Joss snorted. “I doubt Spencer would do that for Dex. He hated him.”
“He’d do it for you. After all, how many times have you kicked sense into his head every time he messed up? He really owes you one. It’d be a great way to return a favor.”
Joss gave a sad smile. “I miss him, you know. Spencer. He’d make me so mad, but whenever I really needed a friend, there he was.”
“He did care about you, Joss. Despite what happened with Cam.”
“I know. Trina...I want to thank you.”
“Why?”
“This last summer...when you told me and Dex off for pushing each other away like we were doing...we saw that you were right and we got back together. If you hadn’t chewed us out the way you did...who knows if we would have gotten back together? We would have wasted so much more time if it hadn’t been for you.”
Trina felt tears in her eyes as she went to hug her friend. “I wish I could have given you even more time. I wish we both could have had more time with them.”
Both girls stood in the graveyard, their arms wrapped around each other, missing the loves of their lives and wishing that they had forever with them.
…..
“Trina said you’d show me how to talk to Joss. You wouldn’t want to disappoint her, would you?” Dex stood before Spencer with his arms crossed.
Spencer took a deep, impatient sigh and rolled his eyes, reminding himself to have a long long talk with Trina next time. “Fine, Errand boy. I’m telling you for Trina...and for Joss...but only this one time and because I owe Joss for helping me with Trina. So listen good. You and Joss have a bond. Use that…it’s your way into her dreams and lets you know when she needs you...that is if you’re actually soulmates, like Trina and I are.”
“Thanks man.”
“Just tell Joss I said hi.”