Work Text:
“Is it done?”
“Yeah.”
Jinx could finally exhale the breath she had been keeping deep within her chest. There was the burn of the air squeezing past her ribcage to make its way outward in the same way a clogged pipe might have before breaking. She went to make a grab for one of her braids, something years of self soothing had created, only to have her fingers grasp at air. She had forgotten it was no longer there.
She paced a bit, colors and streaks of light just beyond her eyelids, always just beyond, only helping to distract her when she so needed to be present. There would be no words of comfort the voices could help her with now.
She hadn’t wanted to come here, had told herself it was stupid and just short of masochistic, yet here she was only days after disboarding that airship from Piltover.
Ekko had suggested it.
“So… how are you-”
“Fuck you, Ekko,” she snapped in response, already irritated and desperate to leave this place. He tried to touch her shoulder, a comfort he wanted to give her, but the action did nothing but make her flinch in recoil.
How had it been so warm here only a month or two ago? It had reminded her of how it used to be, like it was before the entire world imploded around her at the tender age of eleven. She had her sister back, and for an even briefer time, Vander. They ate and drank together, like they were sitting on the stools of The Last Drop again; something she hadn’t even been aware of missing until she had it back. She and Vi actually laughed and joked like sisters, as if they could forget and forgive all the bad blood they had forged between them. It had been nice. It had been made even sweeter by that little imp that refused to leave her side. A tiny vision of powder blue hair and sun kissed skin. The kid felt like a second chance to a game Jinx didn’t know she got to press continue on. They hadn’t been at this place long, but she had felt… what was the word? She didn’t know.
The first thing she had noticed when they came back was how all the flowers and fruit were gone. In their place were sad little twiggy scrubs and miles of parched earth begging for water. Not like that mattered now. There was no one left to care about that though, and the thought made her strangely sad. How was it that this little piece of wonderful now reeked of death and filth?
Ekko had crouched down beside her, not close enough to suffocate her with his nearness, but still close enough to allow her to reach out if she wanted to. He was always thinking of thoughtful shit like that.
She sighed and let her fingers curl around the hand closest her, “sorry for telling you to fuck off and for saying that I would cut holes in all your socks. You didn’t deserve that.”
The corner of his lip cocked into a smirk, “but you didn’t say anything about cutting holes in my socks?”
“Oh, I didn’t? Hm, well, sorry for thinking about it then I guess. I fully reserve the right to revisit that later,” she said, her smile now matching his.
She felt her fingers getting a soft squeeze. For a wonderful moment, she felt that soothing unknown feeling once again. She felt that a lot around him. He had so many chances to leave, to hate her, to kill her or let her die. Yet time after time he chose to remain tethered to her helplessly psychotic self.
Weird. But, she couldn’t really say she minded it.
“I’m cold.”
Two words was all it took. He shrugged off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders, wrapping her up until she felt content under the weight of his firm arms.
“Better?” he breathed, the sound bouncing through her until the jacket suddenly felt much too warm.
“Yeah, I guess, or, whatever.”
He laughed. It still amazed her to hear it. Suddenly the feeling came flooding into her until she knew she couldn’t mistake it anymore.
Happiness.
He didn’t rush her, letting her stay clinging onto him until she was certain his arm must be numb. And so, she stood and stretched her legs until they were no longer pins and needles. She knew it was time to face at least some of her demons, if only to set them free.
“You ready?” he asked, voice calm and strong.
“Yeah… can you- I mean - could you come with me? I don’t think I want to do it alone.”
He was already on his feet before she could finish the thought, hand reaching for her own, “I got you.”
They walked hand in hand past the crumbling structures that had housed a small and pain free nation. Past the patches of grass she and Vi had napped on in the warm afternoon sun, the lush grass now prickly and brown. Past a tree she and Isha had spent a whole two days painting bark by bark, nothing more than a severed stump remaining. Past the jagged shards of glass of the greenhouse where she heard Vander call her daughter for the first time in over a decade.
This pain sat so heavy, a smog within her that would surely suffocate her the moment she dropped her guard. Can’t have the light. Can’t bask in the sun. Can’t be happy. Nope.
can’t
can’t
cant.
Her chest was tight. Her lips felt unnervingly dry. It was astonishingly hard to focus when her lips felt like they had been scrubbed with sandpaper.
The voices were back- you jinx, jinx, jinx- faces that each took a piece of her heart with her when they left. When her actions caused them to leave this world for the next. But forget them? No, never. How could she when she had sewn together her broken heart with each one of their names as the thread. That sweet, sweet, little girl was the only one that never said a word, just came and killed her a little more each time with that blameless smile.
“Hey, we’re here. You don’t have to do this if it’s too hard ya know,” Ekko assured her, his voice successfully cutting through the noise that was her fucked up mind.
When her eyes finally stopped their flickering, she could see it. Two large rocks carefully erected in the freshly dug earth. The larger of two must have weighed a ton, nearly gasping at the sheer mass of the thing and how much of an endeavor it must have been to move. Vander was written across the stone in deep blue paint.
Beside his, was the smaller stone, Isha’s name painted in that pretty powder blue. Like her hair. Like her own. Small white flowers lovingly embraced the name.
“You painted flowers on them,” was all she could bring herself to say.
Ekko’s cheeks seemed to darken slightly, “yeah, I uh, I thought it would be the kind thing to have flowers to bring them, but, there wasn’t any here to bring... Is.. is that okay..?”
They should have a million each laid out at their graves, acres and acres of the stupid things just for them. She moved closer, her fingers tracing the raised paint. His gesture struck something inside her she feared had died with her father and Isha.
“It’s beautiful, Ekko, thank you for doing this.”
She didn’t even know she had been crying until his hand was there wiping the free flowing tears from her scrunched up face. He held onto her as she swayed in her fit of cries and curses, never wavering in his resolve to remain beside her. Her strong little man.
When the worst of it had subsided, they sat, shaded by the stones. He had long ago given her his paints, as she made painting after painting on the makeshift memorial, having added several more flowers of her own.
“Hey,” Ekko said, stifling a laugh, “do you remember that time when we were eight and Vander caught me trying to take your shirt off?”
“Ha! I had almost forgotten about that! You spilled your dumb motor oil on me and you were freaking the fuck out about cleaning it for me before it stained. I thought he was gonna kill you for sure!”
“I don’t think I’ve ever run faster in my life. I’m just glad he still let me come around after that.”
“Yeah, only because Claggor saw it go down and vouched for you!”
“No shit?”
“No shit.”
Jinx put her paintbrush down and rested her weight onto Ekko, staring at the sky as she did. Her breath did a little hitch as she tried to shake off the emotions of the day.
“I wish you could have met her. You’d have loved the hell outta her…”
“I know I would have,” he softly spoke up, resting his cheek on the top of Jinx’s head, “tell me more about her?”
A warmness found its way to her extremities until it traveled like blood throughout her veins. She looked up at the boy holding her, smiling brighter than she had in days.
“Well, to start, this little turd came flying out of the sky. Literally! Crazy little pipsqueak still came running after me even after seeing my ugly mug plastered on those wanted posters.”
“Well, you are a magnet for crazy, sounds like you two were bound to be perfect for one another,” he teased.
“No duh, smartass!” she wacked him playfully, but her jaw clamped down and her eyes failed to retain that spark, “she was a hell of a lot braver than I could even try and be… she wouldn’t have tried to… she… she was this amazing person.”
Ekko held her just a bit tighter, the weighted feeling relaxing her, “well, she had someone amazing showing her the way. I’m sure she wouldn’t have hesitated to tell you the same.”
Jinx felt her lip quiver.
“I miss her. I miss my Dad…”
“I know, Jinxy. I know.”