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Summary
She didn’t want to admit how deeply she’d been affected by Kashyk’s previous sessions. Dabbing honest-to-goodness make-up over the dark circles under her eyes (due to her new fear of dermal regenerators), facing down meals where she couldn't eat, enduring rage-fueled Velocity matches with Holo-opponents who never let her win… and worst of all, laughing and smiling for Chakotay.
So that he would believe the ‘sessions’ in her Ready Room were mere bullying.
For all the things she couldn’t control about the universe, she could at least control this: Chakotay would believe with all his heart that she was untouched, unharmed, and still in command.
She willed it to be so.
She would make it so.