Chapter Text
“It's Gideon.”
Spencer couldn't get Hotch's words out of his head as he turned and fled from the house. He couldn't take another second in that room. In there with Gideon's… body.
Hotch called a little over an hour ago, telling them to get up to the cabin right away, and Reid knew. He knew something had happened to Gideon and he'd never see him again.
But for Hotch to confirm it was different, somehow. Made it final. Made it real.
Reid's lip trembled, and the tears he'd held back in front of the team started to fall. He didn't even try to stop them.
While Reid storming out didn't exactly surprise any of the team, it did make the pain twist in their stomachs a little bit deeper. Yes, they'd all known and loved Gideon, but the man had been Reid's mentor. Without Gideon's gentle guidance and support, Reid might not have gotten into the BAU.
Derek made to follow after Reid until a gentle but firm voice spoke up.
“Let him go,” Hotch said, his voice low and tired.
“Hotch-”
“Derek, let him go. He needs a minute.”
Morgan sighed, knowing that Hotch was right. Once the silence stretched out for too long, everyone turned to look up at Hotch, unspoken thoughts lingering everywhere, and the emotions in the room were already too high.
Hotch wrenched his eyes away from Gideon's covered body and finally spoke.
“Alright- can we handle this?” Hotch's eyes scanned over each member of his heartbroken team. Only after he got a nod from each of them did his persona shift.
“Let's get to work.”
Hotch had purposely put Morgan and Reid together to go to the ME's office, Morgan knew that. Morgan had the best chance of getting Reid calmed down enough to focus back on the case. Reid had been mute ever since Hotch confirmed Gideon's death.
“Listen to me. Listen to me,” Morgan said, placing a hand on Reid's shoulder as the kid started crying again. “Sometimes you put up these walls and you block us out, but you can't do that, not right now.”
Reid didn't look at Morgan- he couldn't. He couldn't take his eyes off the bloodstained sheet.
“We need you, kid. Gideon needs you.”
Morgan threw Gideon’s name in to remind him of what needed to get done- what Gideon would want them to do. Morgan had to get the kid focused back on the job, as much as it pained him.
“Imma step right out there,” Morgan said, gesturing to the door. “And when you're ready, let's go get this son of a bitch.”
Reid nodded but still didn’t speak. Morgan took what he could get.
The next time Reid let his guard down was when Rossi brought him along for a drive. Reid knew it was intentional. Rossi thought a bit of privacy and a change of scenery would be good for him, and Reid appreciated the gesture.
Reid hadn’t said a word to anyone since he’d run from the cabin earlier that morning. He didn’t know what to say to anyone or how to put the worst pain he’d felt in a long time into cohesive sentences. So, his solution was simple- he wouldn’t talk until he could wrap his head around the fact that this really happened. Gideon was gone.
Reid didn't let his emotions get the best of him often- he didn’t want the others worrying about him more than they typically did- but this felt different.
He wasn't under the watchful eye of the entire team; it was just him and Rossi in the car. He had a private place to talk, but Rossi wasn’t pressuring him to do so. It was kind of nice.
Reid came to the conclusion he was just too tired to keep up the pretense anymore. He felt too broken.
“I just always thought I'd see him again,’” Reid said quietly, hating the way his voice cracked.
Rossi sighed, keeping his eyes on the road.
“I know.”
“I'd just really like to play one more game of chess with him.”
Reid didn't know if Rossi's silence was to encourage him to keep talking, or if Rossi was taken aback by his request.
“I know I'm not being very rational,” Reid admitted quietly, feeling the need to defend himself. “And I know I haven't seen him in a really long time, but…” Reid paused and took a breath, his throat tight. “I think about him all the time, and I knew he was always out there, and now it just feels… empty.” The admission started another round of tears rolling down Reid's cheeks. He looked down so Rossi wouldn't see.
“Yeah,” Rossi said softly. “But time will pass, and… slowly, you'll forget how much it hurts.” Rossi tried to console the kid. Seeing Reid so torn up tugged at his heart, which was already broken and battered enough from the past couple of weeks.
“And, maybe you'll find something else to… fill that empty space,” Rossi suggested softly.
Finally, Reid turned towards him, and Rossi saw all the hurt and grief in his eyes that he’d been trying so hard to hide. Now it seemed like the effort was too much.
“I don't want to find something else,” Reid snapped, annoyance lacing his words.
Rossi decided to let it go. Hopefully, the trip to the archives of the old unit would be enough to distract the kid for a little while.
Turns out, the tactic to distract Reid worked quite well, Hotch realized as he heard the young genius's voice ring out through his phone.
Hotch was relieved Dave had figured out how to get Reid talking- he’d been starting to worry. Hotch knew Reid tended to shut down when overwhelmed with emotions, and as much as he wished he could let his youngest agent grieve right now, they all needed their heads in the game.
At the same time, he had been doing what little he could to help everyone. He'd paired Morgan and Reid together, he'd left Garcia with JJ, and he was keeping an eye on Rossi.
Looking out for the others was how Hotch was coping. As long as he had other people's needs to focus on, he didn't have to worry about himself yet. His next task was to make sure everyone was eating, which he knew typically went out the window with the whole team when grief was involved, so he'd saved that challenge till last. They were planning on meeting Rossi at a diner in Roanoke, so he figured that was a good enough start.
Once JJ and Garcia had finished off the best mint chocolate chip ice cream known to man, Garcia laid her head on JJ's shoulder.
“Why do things like this always have to happen?” she whispered, her voice hollow.
JJ sighed and squeezed Garcia's hand.
“I don't know. They just do.” JJ allowed herself to lean back against the couch and close her eyes, trying to find an answer to that question herself.
Why do these things have to happen? Is this what happens after you leave this job? You can't stop looking over your shoulder?
JJ knew deep down she was being irrational. She'd left temporarily and worked for the Pentagon, and Rossi had been retired for years before he came back. You didn't always get hurt in the end. But Gideon had been one of their own, and this was going to stick with them for a long, long time.
“What I do know,” JJ said quietly. “Is we have to find a way to keep moving. Keep living. That's what Gideon would want.”
Garcia sniffled and sighed before burying her head deeper into JJ's shoulder.
JJ carded her hand through Garcia's hair, content to just sit on the floor with her and grieve for a moment. They had sent the others to check out the library and Garcia was still waiting on the old files from the police station, so there was nothing urgent to distract them.
JJ was grateful that Hotch told her to stay back with Penelope. They both needed this.
They did their job. They found the man who had brought Jason Gideon down, now dead by Rossi's hands. They had silently walked back to the SUVs like they were trapped in a daze. Now, Rossi was staring out the window of the passenger seat, partly to avoid catching Hotch's eye with the way the man kept glancing at him every few seconds. He was lost in old memories, thinking back to when Gideon had confided in him about being a father and had even named his son after him.
“Dave.”
Hotch's low voice finally broke through Rossi's hazy thoughts. Turning his head away from the window, Rossi forced himself to meet Hotch's concerned gaze, not entirely able to keep the pain out of his eyes. He nodded curtly, not trusting himself to speak, especially with the others in the backseat. Hotch nodded back and his gaze drifted back to the road, understanding they'd talk about this later.
They took their time when they got back to the cabin, knowing this was the last time they'd ever see it. Garcia was packing up her equipment, Morgan and Kate the case files, and Reid was sorting through the last of Gideon's personal items. Rossi and Hotch watched as Reid approached Stephen and held out his parents' wedding rings. Stephen looked at Reid with gratitude and sorrow in his eyes as they embraced.
Hotch sighed- he knew he'd have to keep an eye on the whole team over the next few days, Reid and Rossi in particular.
Reid managed to slip back inside the house while everyone else filed out, staring at the chessboard on Gideon's table one last time. He forced himself to walk away before his feet stayed rooted to the spot forever. Hotch and Rossi, who were now standing on the porch, followed Reid with their eyes as he finally made his way down towards the others who were crowded around the SUVs. Hotch let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding- he had been fully prepared to physically pull Reid out of that cabin and was thankful it hadn’t come to that.
Hotch knew he'd have to keep an eye on their youngest. Rossi, at least, had experience behind him, as sad as it was. He knew how to cope and had measures in place for himself. Reid, on the other hand, well…
Hotch blinked, surprised that he felt tears pooling behind his eyes. He’d been keeping it together this whole time, being the solid presence they needed and keeping them focused. What was going on now? It didn’t matter- he only had to keep it together for a few more hours while they were back at the office. Stubbornly, he pushed the tears back.
“He loved watching the seasons change from here,” Rossi reminisced quietly, pulling Hotch from his thoughts. “Couldn't wait to get snowed in.”
Hotch nodded, and a memory came to the front of his mind at the reminder of snow. One of the fonder memories he had of Gideon. He knew the story would help Rossi and honestly, himself as well.
Rossi saw the brightness in his friend’s eyes that could only mean one thing, but he didn’t comment on it. Hotch deserved to grieve too, and if the only way for him to do that was to reminisce, hell, Rossi was going to let him do it.
“So about ten years ago…”
In the end, Hotch's story gave them both some much-needed closure. Looking up to the sky as Rossi walked off, Hotch finally allowed a tear to escape.