Work Text:
Wade Wilson was a man of many talents, one of them still was and always would be couch potato, he was pretty sure he held the record of channel flipping. Some of his best ideas came from the shards he caught between flipping, but he was pretty sure that was the writer’s narrative.
Hey no drawings, are we in a novel again?
“It seems too short for that… so I guess fan-fiction…”
Does that mean this will lead to steamy sex?
The idea led to a distraction as a whole lot of scenes started bubbling up in his mind, but something was different in his surroundings, a voice calling out his name several times pulled him out of his sex related ideas.
“Hey Wade, Wade, oooooh Wade. I know you’re couch lounging, you did enough of that to fry both our brains back in the day!”
The sound of Madcap’s voice coming from the television drew his full attention, the voice had been a bit distorted and shattered since he had been flipping channels, indicating Madcap had hijacked all frequencies, bummer he couldn’t just get the traitorous bastard of the screen into cartoons.
The camera turned away from Madcap’s shitty grin towards a familiar red and blue figure babbling nonsense as he was tied to a chair. His precious baby boy (who hated him, but Wade never cared before so why start now) was in Madcap’s claws, well he was secretly glad it wasn’t Ellie, but still he had to kill Madcap for this one, he certainly earned it over the past weeks.
“I wonder how long I’ll have to look in those brown eyes of your precious baby boy before his mind won’t be salvageable…”
“You’re crossing the line here friend…”
Wade growled, moving to pull on his suit and prepare his weaponry. He never took his eyes of the screen as Madcap came back into view. He had trusted that lunatic, being two brains in one body for so long makes a bound after all, but the man only wanted to harm him. So it was time for him to die.
I’ll miss his jokes though...
Wade pulled out his phone and dialed Steve Rogers, he was pretty sure the man knew exactly where any of the Avengers were at any given time, turns out he was right, because he was met with a good luck and coordinates, guess he wasn’t the only one who had been wanting to enjoy some down time before his television.
A smart man would probably have called for backup, but then again it would just mean more people for Madcap to drive crazy. He was rather safe however since Madcap’s powers only made him sane (which on its own was rather disturbing).
He used his teleporter belt to appear on the roof of the building Steve had given him the coordinates for. He had no idea how he was going to handle Madcap, since not only did he have a healing factor that beat his, but he also didn't feel pain. If he took too long though Madcap would be able to mess around with Spidey's head for too long. Sure the effect wore off after fifteen minutes till half an hour normally, but he hadn't heard of a case where Madcap had his victims dive in and out of the madness for a longer time frame.
Hey maybe Spidey will go as coo-coo as us and won't dislike us any more!
“That's mean...I couldn't wish for that...”
So do we have a plan how to handle this?
“The writer will make something up...”
But maybe the writer isn't creative enough we should help them out...
“We can improvise if that's the case...”
The chaos in his head was never ending as always, he had several crazy plans, most of them involving stuff he didn't have on hand, not even in his magic satchel, so he would just have to figure something out with the tools he did have. His crazy plans always worked out somehow in the end, even if it wasn't always in his advantage.
We lose so much time with text, comics go a lot faster!
“I know right, I mean I don't even know what kind of area we are in yet...”
Writer's sure give us much more feelings and stuff...
He looked around him as he took in the area, seemed to be an old movie studio, but the buildings weren't in the best shape, maybe it was the studio where Madcap used to host his television show, but he wasn't quite sure. Problem was the complex was quite big, but with a bit of luck Madcap was in the building underneath him, the one where Steve had given him the coordinates to.
Sure enough as he made his way down the unlit staircase he could hear the babbling sound of his baby boy pleading that nasty asshole to stop, but Madcap just laughed, the sound echoed and was soft so he still had a way to go.
Do we have a plan yet?
“Sorta...but it's gonna hurt...”
We're used to that...
He kicked open a door that had light coming out from under it, taking his best secure hero here to save the damsel in distress pose as he looked at the villainous Madcap with his shit-eating grin on his mask, or was it his face?
“I'll save you baby boy...”
“...No....no....killing...Wade...”
He groaned and looked at the captive Spider-Man, even completely out of his mind he still held onto that stupid code of his. Well his plan wouldn't exactly kill Madcap, he had no idea how to even do it since apparently even a chitauri canon didn't even do the trick.
“Wade! Buddy, are you here to play the hero? Or are you here to die?”
“Preferably the hero, see dying would be kinda counter productive here...unless you know I die like the temporary manner...”
“If it depends on me you'll be joining your precious lady death soon enough...”
“Then no Madcap, I am not here to die, I am here to play hero, but first we fight you know how these things go, don't worry this will hurt me more than it will hurt you!”
Spider-Man groaned something he couldn't quite understand as he charged onto his old body sharing parasite villain. He drew his blade as he charged in, his gun in his other hand as they started fighting. Now Madcap had always been the one for eccentric weapons, but the air gun filled with all kinds of weird bullets was annoying. Wade got hit with acid filled bubbles that burned through his suit and his skin, but even through his muscles, it hurt like hell, but his healing factor took care of the damage, except the acid lingered.
It took him several times to hit Madcap with his gunfire because the acid bullets would make his muscles sink in changing his posture a little throwing his aim off. But eventually he manage to disarm the bastard. He could hear the bullet inside the thing shatter and the air gun started dissolving from the acid, as he grasped the man tightly.
“Lets go on a little trip, for old times sake.”
“How about I make you eat some acid instead?”
That grin was starting to making him feel very sick and angry, but his mind was clearing up from such close contact with the madness factory in his arms. He pressed the button on his teleporter belt and ignored the pain from the acid as well as the pain of a bullet being shattered against his lips over his mask.
Slowly, too slow for Wade's liking they disappeared to reappear inside the nexus of realities, Madcap had never been here, at least not that Wade could remember so he hoped it would throw him of enough. He was right as the guy looked around in awe at the many doorways, with no idea what they truly meant. Wade tried to say something but the acid had burned his tongue so it wasn't really working. The clearness in his head was bothering him, he wasn't used to being sane, but that would wear off quickly enough.
He shoved Madcap as hard as he could towards a random doorway before he imputed the coordinates Steve had given him before, hoping that he'd reappear in the correct reality. Madcap tried to clench onto him yelling something Wade mostly ignored as he focused while he was teleported back into the studio to a dazed Spider-Man.
He released the tied up Spider-Man and picked him up in his arms bridal style. The man struggled panicked for a few seconds before calming down as he watched him. Muttering something that sounded like deepoop, but Wade took it to mean Deadpool and hushed the mentally strained hero.
“You're safe now, I dropped him into the nexus of realities, he's no longer our problem now.”
He teleported home and put his teleporter into it's charger as he carefully placed Spider-Man on his bed, calling Steve to let him know he had handled it and that Spidey was safe. Before he carefully placed a moist cloth over the man's forehead, talking nonsense to him as the man fell in and out of a state of delirium for a while.
Eventually the hero had finally fallen asleep as he had calmed down enough, but Wade was sure if he hadn't needed therapy before, Spidey would certainly be needing it now. He got up and changed into some casual clothing and a new mask, the acid was completely gone by now, but sadly his healing factor didn't fix his clothes.
“...I am sorry....this happened just because I love you... “
The body in his couch stirred slightly, before sitting up in the couch and turning his head to him. So much for sleeping...
“It happened because the guy was a psycho villain...”
“Still he wouldn't have cared about you if he hadn't known I have a crush on you...”
“I care about you too Wade...”
The hero put his hand over his mouth and pulled his legs close in a swift move, looking down at those legs instead of him.
“That wasn't...I not like that...it's the delirium...I am going to leave now...”
“Baby boy!”
He knew the Spider could be swift, but this was ridiculous, he had already leaped out of the window and was already two building ahead when wade had a full grasp of what had happened. Somehow he felt very cheated for some reason.
Because this is a fanfic and we did all the hard work and got no sexy time of course!
“...I want my money back...”
We didn't pay for this I think...