Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“We are leaving at seven,” Minghao declared. He doesn’t ask if Jihoon is available; he simply issues an order. He invades Jihoon’s personal space as if it were his own, compelling him to emerge from his cocoon, challenging him to engage in activities he wouldn’t typically pursue, and remaining by his side throughout those experiences.  

Jihoon wouldn’t tell him, but he is grateful that he isn’t so mindful around him. “Okay, fine.” He replied and sprawled on the freshly washed bed sheets. The day after the laundry is his favourite. The entire room smells like fabric softener, and the bedsheets are not too cold or warm, neatly tucked in, creating a perfect environment for a comfortable sleep. 

Minghao sighed through the phone, half irritated and half distracted. He was probably still working, considering that he had zero work-life balance. “Don't be late, and please, for once, answer the call on the first ring,” he warned. 

Jihoon is notorious for both, so he could only bite his tongue guiltily. It's never intentional. Sometimes hours pass doing the same tasks and feel like minutes, and he keeps his phone on silent to avoid the constant notifications. It's usually in his hand, so he picks up calls just fine, but maybe others would beg to differ. “You can just shout for me if I don't pick up.” He sheepishly laughed. They haven't done it in a while, but when they were kids, they would shout from their bedroom windows for the smallest of things, too lazy to bother calling at the landline or their moms’ cell phones. 

Things have changed so much since then, like how, despite still living so close, they barely see each other more than once a month. Adulting is slowly sucking the life out of them. Jihoon can’t even complain because he loves his work. It’s his dream job, but the commute is jarring. He usually has no will or energy to do anything by the end of the day but lounge on the sofa, reading or watching something. Yet, when the night falls, he lies wide awake, unable to shut his brain off. Nights are his favourite. It's the only time he feels like he can breathe and turn off the different personalities he has curated to get through the day.

But now Minghao was disturbing that routine, and all he wanted to do was cut the call, pull up his fuzzy blanket, and watch Netflix. “Okay, now, goodnight. I’m sleepy.” He yawned, knowing very well that he wasn’t going to sleep so soon. But his social battery had died a long time ago, and as much as he loved Minghao, he couldn’t bring himself to continue talking with him. 

He spent most of the next day lounging in his room. After thinking about the appropriate outfit for the evening all day, he chose one of his safe options—a red polo T-shirt and dark blue jeans. Come evening, he was properly anxious, jittering his way around in haste and glancing at the clock every minute. 

A chill ran down his spine when he stepped out of the house in the evening. He shouldn’t have worn so lightly. It was cold, quite a lot considering they were experiencing autumn. But he was too lazy to go back inside and decided that a little wind wouldn’t kill him. Across the street was Minghao, dressed warmly in a multi-coloured sweater and blue bell-bottom jeans, waving with his usual lack of enthusiasm. 

“What’s the plan?” Jihoon asked as they started walking towards the main street, trying to hail a taxi. They planned to get drunk, so there was no way he was allowing Minghao to take his bike out. 

“Dinner at Mingyu’s hot place,” Minghao said, relieved that a cab finally stopped in front of them.

They blindly trust Mingyu, the self-declared foodie of their group, to find good restaurants. He had been going on and on about a certain Chinese restaurant lately, so obviously, they had to go there for his birthday.

Jihoon gave Minghao a happy, satisfied grin. They were too old to enjoy clubbing on a weekday. Cosy dinners were more of their thing now. 

They were assigned to grab a cake on the way. So, they stepped into the nearest cake shop to the restaurant, salivating at the sight of a variety of tasty delights. They all looked tempting, colourful, and crafty. Jihoon was mesmerised watching a tall rainbow cake decorated in multiple coloured ribbons and sprinkles. “So beautiful.” He whispered.

“Isn’t it? It's my favourite too.” A cheerful voice came from the other side of the counter, its owner standing in front of him with folded hands. 

Jihoon jumped, taken by surprise, and nodded shyly. Silence was better than making a fool of himself. He isn’t good at small talk.  

When the man smiled, his eyes shut, crinkled and tiny. It was quite odd to see a baker dressed in such…flashy attire. He wore ashy jean shorts shredded at the seams, a plain white t-shirt, and on top of it a red and black checked shirt two sizes bigger; his blonde hair reached the nape of his neck and was covered in a blue bandana. If Jihoon tried the same outfit, he would look like a beggar or a pirate. But this man was somehow pulling it off well, too well, actually.

“How can I help you?” The man waved his hands animatedly to grab his attention. 

Embarrassed, Jihoon blurted, “Cake. Give me cake.” He is such an idiot!

The man blinked at him in surprise. For what felt like a long two seconds, they only stared at each other. 

“Do you have anything in matcha?” Minghao asked. Fortunately, he hadn't been paying attention, too lost in his cake hunt; otherwise, Jihoon would never hear the end of it. 

“Sorry, matcha cakes need to be ordered in advance,” the man answered, beaming proudly. Minghao had successfully diverted his attention from Jihoon, for which he was super grateful.

“I think we should go for something in hazelnut,” Minghao suggested, talking to himself as his eyes went back to the assortment of cakes.

“What flavour is this?” Jihoon asked, curious about the one that seemed like a chocolate cake, only that its top had what seemed like a cookie crumble instead of cream. He doesn't usually like chocolate, but it somehow looked less chocolatey. 

The man shrugged, nose scrunched in confusion. “It looks like a cookie crumble cake, doesn't it?”

Of course, it does. Why did he have to ask that?

“Any hazelnut options?” Minghao asked finally, and Jihoon didn't object, still a bit red in embarrassment.

“Um,” the man rubbed his hand behind his head sheepishly. “It’s hard to differentiate. They look just like the chocolate ones.” He pouted. It was kind of cute. 

Cute? What the hell is he thinking? 

Jihoon is not immune to occasional moments of weakness. He is not ashamed to admit when he finds someone attractive, but he doesn’t often approach these individuals. Usually, it’s just a fleeting glance, mostly when he passes by someone who makes him want to turn back and look twice. He admires them for a moment and then moves on. He has always had a soft spot for cute boys—particularly the simple, bubbly types often portrayed as the second leads in dramas.

This situation felt different. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach every time the man smiled. His voice filled him with endearment. Each of his actions made him feel a comforting warmth, and he couldn't remember the last time he experienced such intense bursts of joy.

“Shouldn't you be able to know the flavours you made?” Minghao looked confused, wondering if they should even buy any cake from him. Jihoon mirrored his expression because what kind of baker cannot differentiate between his cakes?

“Oh, no. I’ve not made them. It's my sister’s shop. I’m just helping her out for a while.” The man answered. 

Oh, that made sense. That's why he looked so out of place behind the counter. 

“Can you tell me when she will return? We really need a hazelnut-flavoured cake. It’s my friend’s favourite.” Minghao insisted. 

Mingyu didn’t mind the cake flavours until he got to eat the biggest portion. Minghao was fulfilling his own craving under his name. Jihoon shook his head in irritation but didn’t object. 

The man looked up in panic, a pout forming on his lips involuntarily. “Wait, I’ll try to call…there she is. Noona, your customers are waiting!” He let out a sigh of relief and stepped back as the owner, a woman who looked just like him, walked inside the shop. Both Minghao and Jihoon were staring wide-eyed at how beautiful she looked. They shared a brief eye contact, secretly agreeing that they were jealous. It was unfair that both siblings were blessed with so much beauty. 

“Hello, what can I get for you?” She bowed like a true business owner. 

While Minghao ordered the cake, Jihoon found himself staring at her brother. He had removed his bandana, set those golden locks free, and was listening intently to his sister and Minghao's conversation. His eyes glowed with pride. 

“What name do you want on the cake?” The shop owner asked, and at which Minghao whipped his head at Jihoon. 

“Let's make it something funny.” He told Minghao. Mingyu always puts embarrassing names on their cakes. It’s a perfect opportunity for taking revenge.

They spent the next few minutes fighting over some embarrassing names until they received a call from Seungkwan that they were on their way. He was with Mingyu so they couldn't ask him to suggest a name. But now that they knew Mingyu's boyfriend was accompanying him, they decided against all the exes' names, which left them with very few options. “Let's just do ‘Mingyu’.” Minghao finally decided to give up.

Jihoon could feel the owner's brother's gaze on them. He was watching their bickering with an amused expression, and while they waited for their cake to be packed and prepped, he finally approached them at the other side of the counter. “Glad you found your cake.” 

“Yeah. I almost lost it thinking you were a bad baker.” Minghao laughed and shook his hand. Both of them were of the same height, but that wasn’t the case with Jihoon. He knows he isn't an average-sized man. He is short and petite and looks like a child next to almost anyone. That fact in itself sometimes intimidates him to approach people, but he followed Minghao to not looking rude. The man was watching him with a mischievous smirk as if he could tell how much he was freaking out. 

“You’ve got a nice style.” Minghao complimented him. 

“Thanks, dude.” The man laughed shyly.

“Do come back if you like it. I’ve opened the bakery only recently.” His sister finally returned with their cake, handing it to Minghao. She also gave Jihoon her card, which he accepted gladly. The cakes looked amazing. If they tasted just as good, there was no doubt he was going to be a regular. He has quite a sweet tooth.

Suddenly, the younger brother started getting closer to Jihoon, leaning against the counter, his mouth dangerously closer to Jihoon’s face. His sister had already gone back inside the store room, and Minghao was walking towards the door, unable to see what was happening behind his back.

Jihoon gulped nervously and could feel the man’s breath on his ear. He knew he should have stepped back, but felt frozen, unable to move.

“The card has my number too, by the way.” He heard the man whisper before he went to help his sister with a playful grin.

Jihoon immediately turned and walked out, taking long steps, not daring to look back. There were goosebumps all over his hands and neck. He tried to convince himself that it was because of the cold and quickly checked the card. Indeed, there were two names on it along with two numbers. One was Kwon Minkhyung, clearly the owner’s name, and the other was Kwon Soonyoung. 

“What are you doing? Hurry up.” Minghao shouted, holding the door for him.

“Nothing. Let's go.” Jihoon was freaking out, but he tried his best to conceal it. He decided against telling Minghao any of it. Knowing his best friend, he would probably start lecturing him about self-worth and whatnot and convince him that he was indeed hit on, which he didn’t need to think about so soon.

“Walk fast, will you?” Minghao scowled, almost running, worried that they were late like always. Their friends always give them a hard time about it.

But they were early. Even Vernon, whose house was closest to the restaurant, was nowhere to be seen. While Minghao tried to contact him, Jihoon took that opportunity to check up on his notifications, knowing the rest of the evening wouldn’t give him many chances to. There weren’t many messages—A few work emails, which he decided to check after going home, and a bunch of texts on his group chat with his brother and cousins discussing Joshua’s next trip to Korea.

“What did Vernon say?” 

Minghao looked angry and tired from all that walking, which he hates to do. “He’s somewhere nearby. For once, we come early, and they are all late.” 

Jihoon patted his back sympathetically and watched the flickering to and fro of the vehicles from the side of the road, enjoying the quiet as long as he could. 

Just as he expected, once everyone gathered, it was extremely noisy. The Chinese place wasn’t a small diner like Mingyu made it sound. The restaurant was well-lit and quite famous, with a respectable waiting list. They would have never chosen it if they knew it was this fancy. Most of them were underdressed for the occasion. But Mingyu looked happy, so that was all that mattered.

“When will they let us in? I am starving.” Mingyu whined, leaning against the nearest wall, not caring that his white cardigan was now covered in dust. Always so careless and clumsy, that one. Mingyu was tall, taller than anyone Jihoon knew, but he was also a five-year-old stuck in the body of a twenty-five-year-old man.

“Didn’t you eat with your other friends just now?” Minghao scowled, hating the attention they were gathering. While the rest of them were whining about the queue, he was the only one actively keeping tabs on their table, always so dependable. Jihoon walks like a headless chicken when he’s with him, not caring about directions or anything else, knowing his best friend would handle it all.

Jihoon preferred standing in a corner of the footpath, which was relatively darker and quieter. Beside him was Vernon with half-lidded eyes and a faraway look in them. “Are you high?” He asked him. “Not that much.” He shrugged, and Jihoon nodded, not having anything else to add. 

Finally, they were given their table. Jihoon and Minghao naturally sat next to each other. Sitting beside either Mingyu or Seungkwan meant that they might lose their hearing by the end of the night, and Vernon, well, there was a high chance he would doze off in the middle of the dinner. 

“Hyung, how are you still so hungry after eating so much just an hour ago?” Seungkwan exclaimed. He and Mingyu had their heads dug into the menu card, quite serious about their food. They were wearing matching hoodies, unbothered by the gazes it attracted. 

“Because I am a big boy.” Mingyu winked at him. 

Seungkwan burst into laughter, kissing his cheek. “More like a big baby.”

They have been subjected to the couple’s public displays of affection over the past two years. However, they never complain. Mingyu and Seungkwan deserve this after going through so much for it.  

From the days they met in high school, Mingyu had been pining for Seungkwan. It went on for ten long years. Anyone could tell Seungkwan reciprocated those feelings. However, he was too afraid to admit that he liked a boy. Eventually, after dating people and never lasting in any relationship for more than a few months, his love for Mingyu won against his fear of society. 

Finding someone who loves you so much that they wait a decade to find someone who fights their entire belief system and upbringing for you is such an amazing thing. Not everyone’s as lucky as they are. So, yes, they can be as loud about it as they want to.

Once Minghao gestured to the waiter, he came out with their cake covered in candles. The lights were dimmed, and the rest of the people and staff joined in wishing Mingyu a birthday song. By the end of it, there were tears in Seungkwan’s eyes. He was holding Mingyu’s hand carefully under the table so that it didn’t look too obvious. The desperation in Mingyu’s eyes was proof that he wanted to do nothing but kiss his boyfriend, but he held himself back. 

Jihoon found them truly admirable. Mingyu never expects anything from Seungkwan that he would find uncomfortable, and Seungkwan, in return, is always willing to push his boundaries one step at a time for him. 

“I feel so single.” Minghao sighed beside him, watching the pair as they fed each other cake, torn between jealousy and happiness for their friends. Jihoon understands. No matter how self-reliant, sufficient, and independent one becomes, it cannot shake off the need for companionship. He wouldn’t admit it loudly as Minghao, but he finds himself wondering if he would ever be able to share his joy and sorrows with anyone. Just the thought of letting someone in his darkness seems unfair. He wouldn’t want to ruin their life.

After dinner, they decided to spend some time at the playground that Jihoon and Minghao knew like the back of their hand. It was barren and dark and a perfect place for drinking rum—mixed with Coke, aka the best combination to exist. 

Seungkwan decided to call it an early night since he doesn’t drink. Mingyu was upset and kept pouting while reluctantly halting a cab for him.

Jihoon knew Seungkwan was planning something. “What are you up to?” He whispered in his ear, just before he sat in the cab, saying goodbye to everyone.

“It’s a surprise.” Seungkwan blushed, and Jihoon surmised it was probably better to be in the dark. 

The rest of them found a bench in the corner, with a huge tree casting a shadow all over it. It acted as a perfect camouflage in case anyone saw them. It seemed almost criminal to drink at the children’s playground. It had been a while since Jihoon had felt so rebellious. It made him feel young, which isn’t very common anymore.

“This is a great spot. I can't believe you guys never thought of drinking here.” Mingyu said, sipping from their shared can. Vernon was standing before them, as there was only enough space for three on the bench. 

It’s Jihoon and Minghao’s sacred place. They often hang out in the garden during the evenings, sharing their growing pains and romantic escapades. They spend most of that time complaining about every minor inconvenience and catching each other up with their lives, but those brief meetings always leave Jihoon with enough fuel to get through the week. 

After finishing the first can, Jihoon was already starting to feel dizzy. He must have drunk almost half of it alone. He needed to get intoxicated, to feel his mind become at ease. He doesn’t usually drink much. Mostly once in a few months, when all of his friends gather. He doesn’t get drunk easily either, so he has to drink a lot and fast to feel the tingles in his brain for as little time as they last. Minghao says he becomes loud, but he doesn’t think that’s the case. He has always had a loud personality growing up; it just comes to the surface without the filter of his adulting self holding it back. 

“When are you going back?” Minghao asked Vernon. He works in the merchant navy, which means he spends more than six months of the year far from home on a distant ship. To make up for it, they meet a lot whenever he is in town, probably more than when he isn’t. 

“Maybe until Christmas,” Vernon answered, lighting up a cigarette even when Mingyu scolded him about it. It must be stressful—his job, the distance, seeing nothing but the endless stretch of sea for days. He had picked up many bad habits, but smoking has been the worst so far. 

“Then we’ll plan something big for Christmas this year.” Mingyu cheered. His face looked flushed, his eyes a bit red, already drunk. “How about a trip?”

The two boys started discussing it with excitement. There was a great possibility that it wouldn't happen. They had been planning for almost a year. Their every plan had been cancelled for some reason or another so far. 

Jihoon got up from his seat, feeling lightheaded from the impact, and stumbled to sit on the stairs of the slide in front of the bench. The cold breeze, which he found annoying throughout the evening, felt like a warm hug now. His mind was floating, but he felt like he was aware of every passing second, which doesn’t usually happen with him. The added boost of caffeine from the Coke was the best recipe for a relaxed mind. His friends wouldn’t agree, as they prefer Coke because of how active it makes them feel. Jihoon’s brain chemistry works differently. He now knows that’s the result of his ADHD. But terms like neurodivergent, time-blindness, and executive dysfunction were all foreign to his teenage self, who had nothing to blame for how he felt and behaved but laziness and himself. 

Not many people know about it, not even his parents—just his friends, cousins, and Chan. Among them, his cousin, Joshua, was the first person he ever mentioned it to. It was before he was considering therapy. Joshua encouraged him to seek help when his life was falling apart. He became one of his closest friends. 

“Who's calling you so late?” Minghao frowned upon seeing his phone ringing.

He showed the screen to Minghao, which flashed the name ‘Shua’ and picked it up. 

“Hey, where are you?” Joshua sounded cheerful.

“I’m out with my friends. Can I call you later?”

“I’ve just called to let you know I’m coming over on Friday morning.” Joshua might be staying in the city, but he comes back home almost once a month. His parents live here, and so does the rest of their family. 

“For how long?” Jihoon was done with his two-day visit. They don’t get to do anything in such a short time.

“I’ll leave on Monday night as always,” Joshua said, and Jihoon just hummed, knowing it meant that he would only get to see him briefly over forty-eight hours. 

“Seokmin’s coming too.” 

Now that made Jihoon smile. “That’s amazing. You have to stay at my place.” 

“I’ll talk to him and let you know.” Joshua chuckled before they shared goodbyes.

“Joshua’s coming with Seokmin,” Jihoon told Minghao, who gave an excited smile in response, already sleepy. He is the kind of drunk to go silent, motionless, and heavy. The best kind to get drunk around because they take care of everyone and make sure they reach home safely, as Minghao did with them. Around two o'clock, he helped Mingyu and Vernon hop into a taxi and walked Jihoon to his house, even though he wasn’t that drunk.

The lights of his house were still on, and his mother was knitting on the sofa. His father was out for a business meeting, so he wasn’t concerned about being late. But clearly, he misjudged his mother’s ability to worry. He thought she would be asleep by the time he went home. 

“You guys are still awake?” He asked, hoping he didn’t reek of alcohol. 

“Yeah.” She replied, refusing to look up at him. She was mad. Could see tell he was drunk? 

He found his brother sitting beside her, watching a detective show on TV. He sat beside him, pulling him for a cuddle and kissing his cheek.

Chan raised an eyebrow and whispered in his ear, “Hyung, are you drunk or something?”

Jihoon sheepishly nodded, and his brother gave him a helpless smile while shaking his head. Their mother was watching them quietly.  

Jihoon hates the silent treatment. It makes him restless. So he tries to compensate for it by being louder and talkative. “Were you waiting for me?” He asked her. If she is mad, she should just yell at him and get over it. 

“No.” She said, looking at him with that disappointed gaze that made him feel sick. 

He knew it was impossible to converse with her when she didn’t want to. Dejectedly, he kissed Chan with one last goodnight and walked into his room.

He brushed his teeth, washed his face, and jumped into bed, anger surging through his body. There wasn’t a single night he could take out for himself and enjoy it without feeling guilty about it. He hates how much control his parents have over his emotions. They are his greatest weakness. Somehow, no matter what he does, he ends up feeling like he has let them down. 

He didn't want to end up crying, especially when drunk. It worsens his hangover. He needed something to anchor him, to stop making him feel so pathetic. So he found himself staring at a piece of card, scanning for a particular name and number, and unable to remove the face of its owner from his memories. It calmed his heart, and an involuntary smile rose on his lips as he remembered that sweet smile, the cute voice, and those beautiful eyes. The last thing he remembered before sleep overtook his senses was saving the number in his phone, but he forgot about sending a little ‘Hi.’

Chapter Text

Jihoon woke up to a throbbing migraine and his brother bouncing on his bed, ruining the freshly laundered bedsheets. “Fuck off, Chan,” He groaned into his pillow, holding himself back from whacking him in the shin. He isn’t a morning person. He hates to wake up early, or at any time, really.

“Wake up, hyung. You have to go to work.” Chan should know that it isn’t such an interesting thing to wake up for. It only motivates him to stay in his bed longer. His cosy blanket was much better than the toxic and uncomfortable work environment.

“Will you stop jumping?” After a little struggle, Jihoon finally pulled Chan down, forcing him into a cuddle. He tried to squeeze him into a bone-crushing hug with all his might, but could only succeed in wrapping his arms halfway around his torso. He used to be so frail and tiny, fitting into his embrace like a baby. He’s become taller than Jihoon and buffier since he started going to the gym. 

“Hyung! Leave me, I need to study.” Chan shoved his elbow into his shoulder, and Jihoon had to let him go, wincing in pain. 

He hates cuddles as much as Jihoon loves them. Their contrasting personalities resulted in conflicts growing up; the ten-year age gap didn't help either. But as they grew older, that exact thing became the reason for their close bond. 

Chan rarely ever doubts himself. Jihoon thinks he is the most sorted person he has ever seen. He knows exactly what he wants in life, is adequately selfish, and has maintained sufficient boundaries to protect himself. He is everything Jihoon ever wants to become. But instead of being jealous about it, he is just so proud. He has always tried to shield Chan from everything he has suffered. Though he doubts Chan even realises it. 

“Stingy brat! Why aren’t you in college?” Hurt by the blatant rejection of affection, he kicked Chan’s ass before he succeeded in getting off the bed. 

Chan’s college is an hour away from their house. So, he didn't need to move away. Considering how his parents coddle him, Jihoon doubts he can survive on his own anyway. 

“My classes are late. Now wake up before Mom starts scolding you.” Chan said, finally leaving the bedroom.

The first thing Jihoon does after getting up is unlock his phone. There were a bunch of photos from the previous night on the group chat. He zoomed in on himself and noticed how he looked so silly and happy. It’s such a rare sight lately. He sent some pictures of the food and drinks on the cousins' chat and then proceeded to check other messages until he landed on something right out of his nightmares.

Bandana Man

Hi

Bandana Man!

Who is this?

Is that you, Rainbow Cake? 

No, this wasn’t happening. What has he done?

His fingers kept shaking every time he tried to send a reply. He typed and retyped a draft too many times before deleting it all. What could possibly save him from this situation? The best thing to do is not to give any reply. There is no need to confirm his identity. Soonyoung will never find out it was him. 

He decided to discuss it with Minghao at night. He would tell him what to do. 

Unfortunately, things escalated before that could happen. At around eleven in the morning, when Jihoon was sitting in the staff room to cool off under the AC, waiting for the rest of his colleagues to start appearing, he received another message.

Bandana Man

Bandana Man, huh? 

I like the sound of it

Makes me feel like a superhero

I’m sorry. I was drunk last night

So, I was right. It is you, rainbow cake.

Panicked, Jihoon immediately shoved his phone under the desk. He was getting a feeling as if his texts were being displayed on the projector for everyone to judge and laugh at him. He already feels inferior enough at work to have the added pressure of this.

He is the youngest among his peers. All his colleagues are either in their late thirties, mid-forties, or even older. Even after nine months, he still feels just as intimidated by them as he did on his first day. He’s always felt like an imposter among them—like he didn’t deserve the job; like he was just too dumb to be teaching others. But somehow, he hasn’t been kicked out yet, so he must be doing something right.

He was in the middle of signing off on some assignments when his phone pinged again.

Bandana Man

Apology accepted. 

I’m just happy you texted, Rainbow Cake.

Stop calling me that.

Then what should I call you?

Jihoon. Lee Jihoon. That’s my name.

Okay, Jihoon. Lee Jihoon!

“Jihoon!” A velvety voice came from behind him, startling him to the point where he dropped his phone.

“You’re early today.” Yoon Jeonghan approached him with concerned eyes. He is the only person somewhere closer to Jihoon’s age. He was helpful when Jihoon joined the faculty, familiarising him with the people, routine, and daily activities. But their relationship has always been professional and curt. Jihoon is too afraid to open up, in case he slips up and shows how dumb he is, and Jeonghan is a private person, never sharing more about himself than necessary. That was probably why Jihoon felt at ease in his company. He felt his boundaries respected.

Jeonghan frowned after taking in his appearance. “I hope you are not going to go in front of the students looking like that.”

As an assistant professor, Jihoon doesn’t take lectures regularly. He spends most of his time in the lab, conducting his research. His other duties include assisting other professors and doing all their behind-the-scenes work so that they can teach smoothly—like checking assignments and papers, distributing notes, taking tests, and conducting practicals and examinations. He rarely gets an opportunity to teach a class. Unfortunately, today was one of those days. 

“What’s wrong with this?” He glanced down at his navy blue shirt and black pants. He was dressed in appropriate work attire. He is too paranoid not to take it seriously. Dressing up for the role is his only comfort. 

Jeonghan hummed, pulling his specs off and wiping them clean. “Nothing’s wrong with your clothes. Just that your face looks like you have been awake for four nights.” 

“Oh,” Jihoon instinctively ran his fingers through his under eyes.

“Rough night?” Jeonghan asked, setting up his table for the day. He always sits next to Jihoon. It’s somewhat comforting but also nerve-racking. He is afraid to mess up in front of him.

Jihoon opened the front camera of his phone to meet with dry, red eyes. No matter how many times he washed his face and drank enough water, the rum was showing its true colours. “Shit.” He groaned, pressing his head on the table. His head was throbbing with a constant pulse. All he wanted to do was go home and lie asleep in his bed.

True to his peer-given nickname ‘Angel’, Jeonghan decided to rescue him. “I’ll take your lab class. Why don’t you take over my assignments?” There was an untouched pile of files on his desk for two days, but he refused to work on it. He hates desk work. But Jihoon would gladly take it any day. It means staying in the staff room almost all day, enjoying the AC and his solitude. “Thank you, hyung.”

Jeonghan just gave his usual heart-melting smile before getting back to work.

From Bandana Man

Jihoon

Lee Jihoon!

Hello?

Are you there?

I’m working. What do you want?

Jihoon wasn’t working. It was lunchtime, and he was bored. Everyone seemed to be busy today. Jeonghan was off taking the lab classes, and the staff room was relatively empty except for some professors from the physics department whom he didn’t dare talk to.

Bandana Man

Where do you work?

I teach

In a college

Ooh, that explains the cute glasses.

What do you teach, professor?

Chemistry

Bandana Man is typing…

Jihoon should change the name, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was staring at his phone in anticipation, not a single bite taken from his burger. He doesn’t remember the last time he felt so excited to receive a text. 

Bandana Man

Hey, can you please open your front camera quickly?

Why?

Because I need you to check the reaction between you and me

You googled that

No!

…Yes. Hehe

Who types ‘Hehe’ anymore? And why was he grinning to himself like a mad person? It wasn't even funny!

Bandana Man

I might not be a chemistry major, but I’d never Bohr you.

I’m already bored!

Liar

Wait, I have another one!

Do you have 11 protons, because you are so damn fine!

Stop that

Oh, this one’s good. 

If beauty were time, you’d be an eon.

Enough already!

A loud chuckle slipped out of Jihoon’s mouth, which he covered immediately. He looked around and saw the staffroom was now full of people, some already packing up and ready to call it a day, but no one seemed to have noticed his embarrassing laughter.

“Hey!” Jeonghan appeared in front of him, making him jump again.

“You need to stop getting startled, man.” Jeonghan slumped on his chair, looking tired to the bone. 

Jihoon felt bad for burdening him with his class on top of everything else. “Thanks for today, hyung.” He carefully placed all the corrected assignments on his desk.

“Are they done already?” Jeonghan perked his head up, satisfied. 

Jihoon doesn't have enough courage to tell him, but he thinks Jeonghan is effortlessly beautiful. Most days, he is in plain T-shirts and jeans, his straight hair let loose to air dry, yet somehow, he looks like a model. 

The length of his hair reminds Jihoon of a certain blonde-haired, bandana-wearing—He needs to stop thinking about Soonyoung every single minute!

He focused back on Jeonghan. “Yeah. I was done before the lunch break. I’ve also arranged them according to the seat numbers so you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Thank you.” Jeonghan yawned, stretching his arms, packing up as well. It was weird how the minute they left the college grounds, they were practically strangers. But no one comforts Jihoon like Jeonghan. Without him, he doubts he would have even managed to stay in such a competitive and stressful environment. 

Fortunately, Jihoon got his train in time along with a good seat. There wasn’t much rush either. So, he decided to relax and check his phone. There was not much to do for the next two hours anyway.

Bandana Man

Okay, last one.

Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you!

Jihoon was staring at his screen wide-eyed. Soonyoung probably didn’t mean it literally. It was just a stupid pick-up line. It was supposed to be a joke. Yet, his stomach twisted into a knot. His heart was beating at an inhumane speed.

Bandana Man

Stop joking around

Why do you think I’m joking?

We barely know each other.

Isn’t that why people go on a date? 

To know each other?

We are literal strangers.

Yet you keep replying to all my messages

He had a point. Jihoon shouldn’t be entertaining his advances. He shouldn't even be talking to him!

Bandana Man

No need to rush

Take some time, sleep over it 

We’ll come back to it tomorrow, Jihoon-ah

Okay

OKAY? That’s not what he was supposed to say. But the ‘Jihoon-ah’ took him by such surprise that he couldn't think at all. 

“Finally, you’re going on a date.” Minghao squealed, having the time of his life when he told him everything. Jihoon was lucky it was happening over the phone; otherwise, he would have had to bury himself in the ground.

“I’m not going on any date! I just agreed so that he would get off my back. My answer is still going to be ‘no’ tomorrow.” After their last conversation, he didn’t receive Soonyoung’s message again. Somewhere, a part of him was disappointed. Though he wouldn’t admit it to himself.

“It’s just one date. Go have fun, and if you still don’t feel like giving him a chance, you can stop it there.” Minghao sounded tired. He was still at work and would most probably come home by ten at night. This is why Jihoon knew he was never made for a corporate job. 

“You are of no help.”

“You are of no help to yourself, Jihoon-ah.”

All Jihoon could remember was how Soonyoung called him that over the text, and wondered how it would sound from his lips. 

Okay, he needs to get a grip on himself. It's already happened twice now!

“I’m keeping the call now. Good night. Get home safely.” He didn’t give Minghao any time to counter-reply, cutting the call and staring at his black screen, flustered. 

He had gotten so used to the constant pinging throughout the day that it felt weird without Soonyoung’s messages. The pick-up lines were so funny. Before he knew what he was doing, he had spent a few minutes reading through their chat.

“What’s got you smiling like that, bro?” Chan entered the room, trying to steal his phone, but thankfully, he was too slow. 

Jihoon held it against his chest tightly. “None of your business.”

Chan hummed, his eyes scanning through the room, probably trying to find a devious plan to get his phone, but Jihoon was his elder brother for a reason. He stood on the bed and ran towards the kitchen where their mother was cooking. “Leave me alone!” He clutched the phone as his life depended on it. 

Chan didn’t budge, following him everywhere he went. Giggling and laughing, they were circling the entire kitchen.

“Stop it! Both of you! You two behaved better when you were kids than now.” Their mother kept shouting behind them, but they were too busy in the chase to pay her any heed.

Finally, Chan made a final bow and cornered Jihoon towards the kitchen counter, right behind their mother, who threw her spatula into the pan angrily. “Stop disturbing me and get out of here. Jihoon, why do you act like a kid day by day? I was married at twenty-six. I had—”

“—you when I was your age.” Chan finished her usual patent sentence, earning a chuckle from Jihoon and an eventual smile and light-hearted slap on his back from their mother. 

The atmosphere in the house was so different from the previous night. But that’s just it. It’s so unpredictable that Jihoon feels like he is always walking on eggshells. His mood also changes according to his atmosphere, picking up the energies of the people around him. So, he is constantly reading the room. Twenty-six years of it, and he is exhausted now.

While Chan was getting scolded by their mother, he escaped and decided to go for a walk in the garden. Most of the time, he is too tired to go out after work. His profession requires a lot of movement, so he is on his feet all day sometimes. But since today was sedentary, it might be good to squeeze in a little exercise. 

He loves evening walks in the park. There’s no sun, no heat, the sky’s a good shade of dark and grey, and the atmosphere is breezy. There’s an assortment of colourful and beautiful flowers along the pavement, butterflies and all sorts of bugs attracted to it. He plugged in his earphones and put an acoustic playlist on shuffle. Just an hour of walking had brought life into his muscles. He felt energised but also relaxed. 

It was getting dark. So, he decided to enjoy the sunset while watching the kids play at the park. But not so long after, he sat at the nearest bench, his phone pinged again. 

He knew exactly who it was before unlocking it. He had changed the notification tone for Soonyoung. Yes, he had become one of those people. He will never tease Mingyu and Seungkwan about it.

Bandana Man

Buldak or Jjampong?

Why are you asking me to choose ramen flavours?

Because I’m at the convenience store and I cannot decide

Then you can buy both.

I don’t have enough change left.

I can buy just one

Whatever

Get Buldak

Thank you

He waited for a while for another message to pop up, but it never came. Soonyoung messaged him just to choose a ramen flavour. 

It was the nth time that day that he was re-reading their messages and bursting into laughter, not caring that people were staring at him. It had been so long since he’d been able to forget about his surroundings, not caring about how he looked, what he did, or his every single action. He always feels like he is being watched in public. His therapist said that it's called fear of being perceived and that a lot of neurodivergent people struggle with it. Every time she tells him something like that, he feels like he isn’t alone. He feels like he is normal, that he isn’t some stupid alien that can’t even live life like others. 

Jihoon has a lot of invisible baggage, which is too much for almost everyone he ever shows it to. He never expects anyone to share his burdens. They are his to deal with. He just needs someone to accept him with them. But no one had ever made enough effort to understand him as a whole. 

But he is a positive being at the core. He believes every person who ever says that they accept him, only to watch them run away when he tries to be himself. Yet, it never stops him from looking for the best in people. 

In conclusion, he is a hopeless romantic, still seeing the world through his rose-tinted glasses. And, maybe the only way to find out whether Soonyoung could be trusted was by giving him a chance. It was quite dangerous to gamble with his heart because it meant that Soonyoung had successfully evoked hope back in him.

Chapter Text

Jihoon wasn't sure how often he looked in the mirror since the morning, but it was frequent enough for Jeonghan to notice. “Is there something special today?” he finally asked during their lunch break.

“Why do you think that?” Jihoon fumbled, avoiding his eyes and staring at the screen before him. He didn’t intend to lie, not when Jeonghan was always kind to him. But he had never been great at sharing about his life, be it the small or big achievements, his pain, his joy, his likes and dislikes. He prefers to fade in the background, adjust to the other’s sentiments rather than his own, and be as burdensome as possible. 

“You're leaving early and haven't even taken a lunch break. And is that makeup?” Jeonghan raised his eyebrows, pointing at the shiny tint on his cheeks reflecting under the light. 

“Yes,” Jihoon answered shyly. 

There indeed was something special, something that had kept Jihoon up all night with equal amounts of anticipation and excitement. It prevented him from focusing on his work and had him tapping his leg nonstop over the table.

“Will you stop that. You're shaking up the entire desk,” Jeonghan complained finally, banging on the desk to make a point. His usually neat and uncluttered desk looked like a mess. There were also a lot of empty paper cups with coffee stains all over them, indicating the amount of coffee he had consumed over the day. 

“Sorry,” Jihoon said quietly, going back to his screen. The words all looked blurred into each other, dancing around the screen. He couldn’t concentrate at all, and he was fucked.

“Seems like your date is making you nervous,” Jeonghan said after stretching and looking around. He was busy rearranging some student lists. Jihoon hadn’t paid enough attention to know what it was about. 

“How did you know?” 

Jeonghan just shrugged, prompting him to speak.

Jihoon didn't plan for it to happen on a random weekday, but it turned out to be convenient to meet Soonyoung on his way home from work. He lived near the college, just one station apart. It was a plan jerry-built with little preparation—something that was more Soonyoung’s style than Jihoon’s.

"Impromptu" isn't a word in Jihoon's vocabulary. He always carries his four-coloured pens, sticky notes, and a notepad to jot something down. He cannot rely on his memory alone; once he stops thinking about something, it is lost forever. So he plans everything, even the most mundane steps.

Soonyoung, on the other hand, seems spontaneous and guided by his heart. He follows it blindly and goes wherever it takes him, living life to the fullest and without regrets. 

Jihoon had learned quite a few things about Soonyoung over the past week. Soonyoung is a software engineer working from home. He loves football, hiking and being outdoors. He also likes watching comedy movies. The more they spoke about themselves, the clearer it became that there was nothing common between them. Yet, Jihoon was drawn to him, attracted to Soonyoung's volatility.

Still, doubt clung to him like a shadow. He’d dated people different from him, and it had never ended well. The pattern was always the same: they’d enjoy the surface-level romance while Jihoon buried his truths deep inside, afraid of scaring them away. But eventually, they catch up to him, and it always ends with him alone with a new wound.

Why would things be different this time? Half his mind wished to cancel the date, end it before it began and save himself from heartbreak. But something about Soonyoung felt promising—dangerous but hopeful.

“Just be yourself. Keep your phone with you and call me if anything goes south.” Jeonghan instructed him, finally getting up from the table. This kind of conversation wasn't normal for them; it was awkward for both, so Jihoon appreciated his concern. 

Soon, the rush of the day swept Jeonghan away, and Jihoon was all alone with his anticipation and anxiety until the time came to leave. He took an unusual route away from home, riding a connecting train towards a place he had never seen before—a small village with a barren station and an empty meadow surrounding it, a stark contrast from the hustle and bustle of the town. Jihoon never imagined something this serene was so close to him all this time.

Soonyoung was waiting outside in his car, leaning casually against the door. The sunlight caught the golden strands of his neatly trimmed hair, making him look almost ethereal. 

Jihoon’s heart stuttered. “You cut your hair,” he blurted before he could stop himself.

Soonyoung’s laugh was warm, like a melody. “Yeah, it was too much work to maintain.”

Jihoon ducked his head, hiding a smile, and slid into the passenger seat. The car smelled faintly of mint and something woody—Soonyoung’s perfume. He remembered its smell from the day Soonyoung leaned in to whisper in his ear in the bakery. That moment had been repeating in his head like a movie for a while now. He fidgeted with his hands, awkwardly hugging his bag to his chest, unable to say a single word.

Soonyoung opened the glove box and pulled out two chocolate bars. “Hope you like dark chocolate,” he said with a grin. 

Jihoon blinked, caught off guard. “Wow. Thank you.” Dark chocolate was the only kind he liked. He wasn’t sure why the gesture felt so significant—it was just chocolate—but his chest warmed up. “I didn’t bring anything for you,” he admitted, feeling a pang of guilt. “Let me treat you to lunch?”

“Lunch? You haven’t eaten yet?” Soonyoung frowned, already switching on the ignition.

It was 4 p.m., and Jihoon's last meal had been breakfast earlier that morning. He had to leave work early for the date, so he skipped the lunch break. Of course, he wasn't going to tell Soonyoung that. “Busy day,” he shrugged.

“Then let's have lunch first.” Soonyoung’s tone left no room for protest.

Jihoon was relieved that he was now focused on the road, too busy to keep staring at him with those dewy eyes. “No pickup lines today?” He tried to fill the silence. 

Soonyoung giggled. “I’m afraid I’m out of stock.” 

“Shame, those made me laugh a lot.” Jihoon smiled, and suddenly a calm settled inside him that he hadn't felt before. It was the result of Soonyoung's relaxed nature. It was rubbing off on him, too.

“I have other ways of making you laugh,” Soonyoung smirked, his hands stable on the steering wheel, shirt rolled up, and veins popping out. 

Jihoon gulped and looked away, straight at the road. “Don’t be so confident.” He was determined to control his laughter. 

But it didn't last long. He was laughing, loud, and deeply enthralled in the story that Soonyoung was telling him about dating a medical student and her crazy curiosities. It’s frowned upon to talk about past relationships. Especially on first dates. But they have not been following the typical date rules. Nothing about their meeting so far felt like a normal date. Yet, it was exciting, precious and romantic. It’s as if Soonyoung’s presence enables Jihoon to let his guard down bit by bit, allowing him to reveal glimpses of his real self.  

“Tell me, have you dated women before?” Soonyoung asked him as they pulled over at a parking lot, walking side by side into a large, crowded food court.

“No.”

“Oh, so only men?” 

“Yeah. It's not that I’m not interested. I just never had the opportunity, and women…they scare me.” He admitted. Jihoon cannot communicate with a woman without getting intimidated. They just seem so put together, sharp and intelligent. All he can manage to do is admire from afar.

“That I agree with.” Soonyoung laughed, getting slightly closer to Jihoon with every step. Their hands almost brushed, but never too obviously, both too aware of their surroundings. Jihoon wondered if they would be holding hands if there weren't so many people around. 

Would he even survive it? No, it will be too much too soon.

“How did you realise you were bi?” He asked, always so interested in hearing people’s stories.

“I always knew I liked boys. It was with the girls that I was a late bloomer. Like every other guy, I fell in love with IU, and that was when I realised I swing both ways.” Soonyoung laughed, a small chortle this time. Jihoon was looking forward to all the ways he laughed and giggled. It puts him at ease, like meditation.

“She was my first crush, too.” Jihoon declared, remembering how he had put up her posters all over his walls during high school. It fooled his parents into thinking he was straight.

IU wasn’t their only common interest. Soonyoung was just as serious about his food as Jihoon. He also loved sweets. So they ordered way too much food for two people. 

After a bit of bickering about who would pay the bill, Jihoon finally convinced Soonyoung to do it next time, subtly hinting at his desire to go on a second date. He wasn’t sure if Soonyoung understood, but he had received a pretty shy smile. Their table was full of two different kinds of pizzas, a garlic bread, and a waffle that Soonyoung offered to share. Jihoon was taken aback. Sharing food on the first date didn’t seem right, but it also made sense. He waited until Soonyoung took a bite of the raspberry and cream waffle. It was messy and sweet and brought an even sweeter smile upon Soonyoung's face. His cheeks were full, making him look like a hamster.

Jihoon nibbled right next to the dent Soonyoung made. His face was red like the raspberry sauce oozing down Soonyoung’s lips. Soonyoung was staring again. 

“So, what are we doing after lunch?” He looked down, trying to take Soonyoung’s attention away from himself.

Soonyoung only shrugged, slurping on his cola casually. After he took his time chewing the ice, he said, “Oh, I wanted to buy some new flower pots. If you have time, how about we go to that nursery downstairs?”

Jihoon remembered how Soonyoung couldn’t take his eyes off the greenhouse beside the mall. “Sure,” He replied. “You have a garden?”

“Yes. Just a small one on my balcony. I have mostly flowers, but also love growing veggies and fruits.” 

Jihoon wouldn’t imagine him as a gardening type, but Soonyoung had quite a green thumb. He wasted no time showing Jihoon all the pictures, boasting as if they were his children. 

After filling their stomachs to the brim, they spent two hours in a glass-walled greenhouse surrounded by plants, an array of colourful flowers, warmth, earthy and flowery fragrances and an utterly excited Soonyoung. The greenhouse was a world of its own—warm, fragrant, and alive with colour.

“I always wanted to come here.” Soonyoung beamed. He was scanning through the small hanging pots of vibrant pink china roses. Jihoon ended up gifting them to him.  “For your garden.” Nothing could prepare him for the sweetest smile he received in return. 

Soonyoung’s eyes widened. “You’re serious?”

Jihoon nodded, holding out the pot. Their fingers brushed as Soonyoung took it, and Jihoon’s breath hitched.

“Thank you. I promise I will take good care of it.” Soonyoung said softly, pulling Jihoon into a grateful hug. It was brief but warm, leaving Jihoon too stunned to respond. 

The hours that passed between them felt fleeting, and the time for goodbye came closer. All Jihoon wanted to do was go back in time and relive it all. He hadn’t felt so relaxed, carefree and present for a long time. 

“Shall I drop you home?” Soonyoung offered, rubbing his belly. They were both experiencing a food coma.

“No, just the station is fine.” Jihoon was hunched in the front seat, much more comfortable than when he first sat in the car. “I had fun today,” he said quietly.

“So did I,” Soonyoung replied. “We’ll plan something bigger next time.”

Next time. The words made Jihoon’s chest flutter. He glanced at Soonyoung, who was now singing along to the radio, his voice filling the car with a carefree warmth. Jihoon joined in, laughing when they both fumbled the lyrics.

Once the station arrived, Jihoon got off and waved at Soonyoung. “You can leave," he said.

“Not unless I see you walk inside,” Soonyoung insisted. It warmed Jihoon’s heart for some reason.

Jihoon was giddy all the way home. He was blushing and smiling on the train, buzzing with excitement. When he saw Jisoo’s call coming, he knew he was going to dump all of it on him.

“Hello, where are you?” 

“I just came back from a date!”

“Date? With whom? You didn’t tell me anything about it.”

“I know. It all happened so fast that I didn’t get time to process it at all. But it was the best date I ever had. He gave me chocolates, and we just talked so much! I gave him a plant…” Jihoon was wearing earphones and was probably speaking loudly, but he couldn’t care less. There weren’t many people on the train anyway.

He could hear Jisoo gasping on the other end. “Whoa! Wait, go back, give me every detail from the beginning.”

Jihoon spent the rest of the ride talking about Soonyoung with a wide smile on his face.

After reaching home, the first thing he did was check his phone.

Bandana Man

Did you reach home?

Yep

Just now

Okay

I didn't realise when it turned dark

Me too! Thank you for coming today❤️

Jihoon stared at the red heart for a long time before sending one back. He knew it was too soon to feel this giddy, but for once, he didn’t care. That night, he fell asleep with his phone on the edge of the table and a smile on his face.

Chapter Text

The thing about Jihoon’s family is that the farther you see it, the happier they look. But, in reality, everything is a mirage, a house of cards ready to fall apart with just the slightest blow. Somehow, keeping it together has become Jihoon’s job. He doesn’t remember how or when it started, but he’s been pulled in every direction for as long as he can remember. He’s become so used to it that he doesn’t know any other way of living. 

So, when he received Chan’s text, he knew it was not good news because his brother barely texts him without a good (most of the time bad) reason. He found attached a picture of a woman, her name, and other details with the message.

Little Brother

Just a heads up. They might talk to you tonight

Fuck! Another one?

FYI, I had to get it from Mom’s phone secretly 

Thank you

Don’t need it. Just bring a pastry on the way home

Jihoon sent Chan a thumbs-up emoji and didn’t bother to look at the picture. What was the use when he knew what awaited at home? His parents would insist on sending him on a blind date with the daughter of one of his father’s colleagues, and he would end up feeling like a total failure once again for never being able to give them what they want. 

“Hey, you remember we have to correct the papers from tomorrow, right?” Jeonghan startled him, tapping on their table. 

Jihoon nodded, grimacing after noticing the pile of papers at their conjoined desk. “Three hundred in two days. Isn’t it a bit unrealistic?”

“Some are doing four. Let’s consider ourselves lucky, dude.” Jeonghan stretched his hands, whistling and humming to himself. “Why do you look so down? Did your date not go well?”

“No…!” Jihoon croaked, taken by surprise.

“So it was good?” Jeonghan turned his chair around to face him. 

Now that Jihoon was looking at him up close, he realised there were purple tinsels in his black locks, glittering under the light. “I suppose you also have something special today.” He waited for him to reply, or to give more details, but Jeonghan just smiled and walked away to talk to one of their seniors, leaving Jihoon in wonder. There are many secrets behind that angelic appearance. Jeonghan’s a clever manipulator. He’d force secrets out of people but would never tell his own.

On his way home, he read through Soonyoung's text messages but didn't feel like replying. He didn't feel the same rush he used to about them. Soonyoung had gone on a business trip for a week, and that was exactly how long it had been for their first date. The flame of their novelty was dwindling into nothing with each passing day, and it was slowly starting to frustrate him. 

Just as Chan had warned, Jihoon was cornered by his parents at the dinner table. He sat across from his father, avoiding his gaze and staring at his plate. The TV was playing in the background, helping him tolerate the silence in the room.

“I have set up a blind date this weekend.” His father said, not a single muscle moving on his face. 

Jihoon mirrored his expression; after all, he had taken after him. “I am aware,” he replied, the morsel in his mouth tasting bitter.

“Go meet her,” his father said, and Jihoon was about to say ‘No’ when he remembered their last conversation. It went the same way before his father asked him the inevitable ‘Why’. Why does he refuse to meet anyone his parents suggest for him? Why is he still alone when everyone his age has either found the love of their lives or married? Why does he run away in the name of sharing his life with another person?

He knew it was a good opportunity to tell him everything. Yet, all he could do then was swallow his tears and walk away, leaving his father with nothing. He has thought about it many times, to walk up to his parents and tell them why, the reasons all different, but the secrets he kept from them until now—his problems, his life, the things he endured, the things he went through, but he knew they would rather blame themselves than accept that their son was weak!

He knows that someday he will have to settle down with some nice girl they bring for him that he won’t be able to say ‘No’ to. It may also come from the need for companionship. Some nights when he is feeling the loneliest, the thought crosses his mind. He craves to have someone to hold him, to be by his side, to share his pain and joy. It was that crazy thought that made him say, “I’ll go.”  

“Really?” He heard the shock in Chan’s voice and didn’t dare look at him.

“Good. I’ll let them know.” His father said, before going back to his meal. 

Growing up, he was afraid of his father the most. But, there was also the utmost respect which made him want to be good in his eyes. Very early, Jihoon started making sacrifices just for the sake of upholding that image. A good child doesn't go around running with other kids, a good child doesn't talk back (even in defence), and a good child is always obedient, neat and well-mannered. 

He missed his childhood trying to be the perfect golden child. He always knew that, even as a kid. He thought he would be fine once he grew up; he'd be in control of his life in adulthood, but past ghosts never let him move forward.

His father’s expectations also grew alongside Jihoon. He loved boasting about Jihoon’s perfect grades, manners, discipline, and compliance.

Jihoon would have happily and successfully maintained that streak if not for his ADHD coming out of nowhere and shattering his entire world. It hit him like a truck, handicapping him for a lifetime. 

He had no option but to let go of his need for perfection, and as a result, his parents’ prodigy child started disappearing too. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment in their eyes when he failed to meet their expectations. Breaking his father's trust made him want to die. His father was his hero, like every other child’s. And just like every other child, when he grew up enough to see his flaws, he felt like he was getting split, because how could his father be weak sometimes? How could he make mistakes? How could he not have answers to all the questions in the universe? How could he be wrong?

After he removed his rose-filtered glasses, he realised his father had always been stubborn, rigid, childish and judgemental. If it took Jihoon so long to accept him for who he was, how could he expect his father to accept him overnight, especially since he had never really let him know his real self, always hiding and showing only the version he wanted to?

The silence at the dinner table allowed Jihoon to wander deep in his thoughts. He also contemplated what he had just done. He wasn’t ready to give his parents what they wanted from him. But, he doubts he would ever be. He would never be able to share his life with anyone. He has too many secrets, too much pain, and too many fears. 

He slept that night without checking his messages, disappearing from all the group chats and ignoring everyone else. He has those days when he wants to do nothing with people. He would go for days without speaking with anyone other than the people he cannot avoid, abandoning friendships and relationships only because it gets overwhelming. 

Fortunately, his friends have always understood. They wait until he comes to them and pretend he hasn’t just left them all on read for months.

But just because his friends understand it, doesn’t mean that Kwon Soonyoung would also magically do. Jihoon had ignored his messages all week. One message turned into two, two into three and three into a string of panicked missed calls. He knew it wasn't fair. He was probably worrying Soonyoung. But, in his twisted and sick mind, he was waiting, waiting and testing whether Soonyoung would give up and run away. He was curious to see how he would react. 

The remaining week turned out to be worse than how it started. Checking the papers in a given limited time was almost impossible. He stayed up all night correcting exam papers and had a few breakdowns in the middle before he picked himself up and started again. At college, he was assigned to take regular classes as a substitute for Yoon Jeonghan, who had taken a week-long break for a trip. Without Jeonghan, going to work felt like hell. There was no one to shield him from unnecessary and awkward conversations, no one to teach him things he didn’t know. Things at home were still tense; both his parents were walking around on eggshells in case he cancelled the date like he always does. 

He hadn’t spoken to Minghao in two weeks and had not called Joshua like he does to check up on him. He knew he was slowly going under the water, but had no energy to try and swim, to get to the shore and start all over again. How many times had he done that? How much time had he wasted surviving? How much had he missed? How little had he lived?

On Friday night, he was completely drained. He dreaded the upcoming date, longing to share all his saturated feelings with someone he could trust. Anger slowly took over every other emotion. He kept snapping at everyone over the most minor inconveniences. He was nothing but a ticking time bomb.

Chan knew to leave him alone, but he still came to check on him that night. “Hyung, would you mind if I lay beside you for a while?” He asked hesitantly, peeking inside the dark room.

Jihoon knows how rare it is for Chan to initiate physical affection and values it enough to comply.

“Minghao hyung called me today. He said you haven’t replied to his messages for the past few days.” Chan said, facing the wall. His bones dug into Jihoon's chest, but it was welcoming. It made Jihoon feel alive, seen, and felt. He was on the verge of tears, trying not to cry in front of his little brother. 

Instead, he clicked his tongue, feigning irritation. “He shouldn’t have told you that.”

“I'm worried, hyung. You go to work, come back and stay in your room. You haven’t left it for the past few days. You barely talk to anyone.”

Jihoon hated how concerned Chan sounded. Being his elder brother, he never wants Chan to worry about him. It should be the other way around. “I’m fine. You know I always pick myself up again.” He is tired of reassuring everyone. 

“That doesn’t mean you have to do this alone. I care about you, hyung.” Chan’s words stuck deep in his heart. His younger brother usually avoids saying such things, but here he was, assuring him. 

But caring is different from understanding. No matter how much anyone tries, they wouldn’t understand how exhausting it gets to survive, to push through each day where nothing different ever happens. Jihoon dreams about walking in someone else’s shoes, starting a fresh life, and sometimes, disappearing with his identity. He thinks, or rather knows, that it's too late to fix himself now. This life is screwe,d and he has lost all chances to get it right. “You’re worrying for no reason.” He forced a smile, anything to wipe that apprehension off Chan’s face. 

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Chan said, his voice fainter than usual. He knows Jihoon doesn’t like to talk about it with him. Their opinions never match in that case. Chan never understands Jihoon's adjusting and sacrificing nature, urging him to stand for himself. He just doesn't understand that it's not that simple when you have to fight the people you love the most.

“I’m doing this for them. It’s better to be rejected. That way, I won’t be responsible when they get disappointed.” None of the women he went on dates with had liked him so far. It was a blessing in disguise.

Once Chan left, Jihoon was left alone again. Lately, the thoughts kept him up until morning, hardly allowing a few hours of sleep every night. He decided to spend that night reading the Harry Potter book lying on the bedside table. He has been trying to finish the entire series for the past few months, but his reading speed has decreased as he has grown up. There were times he went through the whole book overnight. To think about it, he has had a messed-up sleep routine for as long as he can remember. 

But just a few pages in, his phone started ringing. Wondering who would be calling in the middle of the night, he flipped the phone, blinded by its light for a split second before he saw the caller ID. All the emotions he had been pushing down bubbled to the surface at once. His throat tightened, and hence, his voice came out constrained. “Soonyoung?” He whispered, confused and worried. “Is everything okay?”

“You tell me! You haven’t been replying to my messages or picking up my calls.” The words were slightly slurred. Soonyoung's been drinking.

“You can’t expect me to leave everything else and wait for your calls and texts. I am busy too, you know.” That was uncalled for, but he couldn’t take his words back now.

There was a sharp gasp on the other end. “Are you angry that I went?” Soonyoung sounded so exhausted.

Jihoon let out a shuddering sigh, composing himself and taking control of his emotions. “Not about it. I know how excited you were about attending the headquarters meetings. I’m sorry for lashing out. It has been a crazy week.

“Tell me about it! I’m tired to the bone. But I have some good news. I’m coming back tomorrow, so we’ll meet soon this weekend and...”

“I can’t.” Jihoon blurted, remembering his blind date ordeal. He couldn't tell Soonyoung, and that reality woke him from the dream. All this time with Soonyoung was a hopeful dream, something that could never become his reality. He had forgotten that. 

Soonyoung sounded disappointed. Jihoon imagined a frown and a pout on his face. “Oh, I was looking forward to it. As I said, I have something important to tell you.” 

Jihoon interrupted him again. “I'm sorry I can't do this.” 

“Do what? What are you saying?”

“I think it's better to be honest and let this end when it's easier. It was a fun date, but I am not ready to commit to anyone. Especially since...” Jihoon paused, his voice shaking. ‘Since I’ll be going on blind dates behind your back,' he thought.

“Okay.” Came Soonyoung’s cold reply.

“Okay? That’s it?” Jihoon asked, hurt. He knew it was selfish to expect Soonyoung to fight for him. But, isn’t it established that he has a sick mind? He wants to feel wanted but is too scared to want.

“Isn’t that what you want?” Soonyoung argued with a bite. “You are right. It’s better this way. Because if you can’t deal with my absence for a week, I know you will be miserable once I am gone. I can't do that to you.”

Jihoon couldn’t imagine his expression. He wasn’t used to this serious persona of Soonyoung. He usually has a toothy smile, followed by the adorable crinkle in his eyes and puffed cheeks. He missed it so much, it ached his heart. “Wait! What do you mean? Where are you going?”

“I wanted to tell you in person when we would have met, but I suppose this is better.” Soonyoung laughed bitterly. “I got an opportunity here at the Seoul airport. It’s in IT support, but I have a better position and salary.”

Jihoon knew Soonyoung was expecting him to stop him. But, he couldn’t hold him back on a broken promise, especially since he didn’t know if they would even work. “I’m happy for you. Congratulations.”

There was another laughter, darker, more sinister. Yes, Jihoon had said he wanted to see all the ways Soonyoung laughed, but he didn’t mean this way. “I guess the walls you have built around yourself are too high for me to climb. I hope someday, there will come someone who breaks them down. Goodbye, Lee Jihoon. It was a pleasure to know you.”

Jihoon would take the funny, charismatic, and silly Soonyoung over this version. He hated that this would be how he would remember him from now on. “I wish you good luck. I think I won’t be able to forget you for a long time, Soonyoung. Maybe you were my right person, wrong time.”

“Goodbye, rainbow cake.” He heard a choked whisper before the phone was cut abruptly.

That was the last time they spoke, but Soonyoung’s words lingered in Jihoon’s ears for a long time. Now, if he sees couples holding hands, sharing each other’s food, or a random plant on someone's balcony, he will think of Kwon Soonyoung. He’d wonder if Soonyoung would forget him easily. It was a possibility. There was nothing good to remember about Jihoon, and it wasn’t like they knew each other long enough to impact his life that much. But for Jihoon, he would be the reminder of what he could have, a possibility of a future full of happiness and hope. 

The next day, he woke up to someone shaking him. Before he could curse Chan, he realised Chan was standing at the door, laughing and happy. 

“Joshua!” In his depressive streak, he forgot about his visit.

They hugged, slightly longer than usual, and it was enough for Joshua to realise something was off. “Is everything okay?”.

“It’s not. But, we’ll talk later.” Jihoon didn't want to talk about it when Chan was in the room, and it was too early for all that good jazz. 

“Yeah, come to my house in the evening after work.” Joshua gleamed. His arrival had brought life back into Jihoon. Whenever Joshua visits, it's like a holiday for Jihoon. They try to spend as much time together to make up for the distance. 

“Wait, where is Seokmin?” Jihoon asked, realising Joshua was alone.

“He couldn’t make it. His best friend showed up, so it didn’t feel right to leave him alone.” Joshua wasn’t as upset as Chan about it.     

“You have no idea how much I needed this,” Jihoon sighed, content, sunk into the soft cushions of the sofa next to Joshua’s, sharing a blanket over their shoulders and watching their favourite true crime documentary. The only light in the room was coming from the TV, enough to help them with their servings of wine and snacks.

“You know what’s missing?” Joshua’s eyes widened in excitement, his face illuminating under the TV light.

“PIZZA,” they cheered together, almost like reading each other’s minds. 

Jihoon started ordering a very indulgent pizza while Joshua talked with Seokmin over the call.

Joshua’s parents are workaholics, which means they are out of the house most of the time, even on days when their one and only son comes to visit. Taking advantage of that, Jihoon and Joshua spent the Saturday evening in his house catching up.

Joshua has been alone most of his life, so building a home with Seokmin has shown him that it doesn’t have to be only one way. “It gets overwhelming because he’s just always there. It took some time to get used to it, but Seokmin knows when to give me space. He’s intuitive.” He was rambling on and on with a rosy tint on his cheeks and a happy smile on his face. 

Jihoon was content listening to him, smiling and nodding. He wants the best for Joshua, and Seokmin brings out the best in him. 

Soon, they had to pause their documentary for the nth time again because Lee Seokmin couldn’t leave his boyfriend alone for more than an hour. He’s been calling with the silliest excuses.

This time it was: “Babe, I can’t find the sandwich maker.”

“It’s in the top cabinet above the sink.” Joshua rolled his eyes. It turns out that neither Seokmin nor his best friend can cook and relies on Joshua for sustenance. “Why aren’t you ordering take-out?”

“I’m tired of ordering food. Come home already!” Seokmin whined.

“Sometimes it feels like it's the only reason you keep me around.” Joshua shook his head.

Jihoon decided to zone off the rest of the conversation and started playing a game on his phone. Their lovey-dovey bickering was cute for the first few hours, but soon Jihoon couldn’t help but feel annoyed. He isn’t jealous particularly, but he is jealous in a way that he wants what they have. Besides, Seokmin was taking away his precious time with Joshua, which he cherishes dearly.

“Yes, he’s right here...hey, you okay?” Joshua asked, concerned. He put the phone between them. Seokmin must have asked to speak with him.

“Yes.” Jihoon laughed, going back to the call and putting it on speaker. ‘Hey, Seokmin.”

“Hi! Sorry, I couldn’t make it. Someone decided to show up out of nowhere.” Seokmin sighed, earning a slap. 

“It's not my fault you forgot I was coming before making the plan.” He heard a playful voice, probably Seokmin’s best friend’s. 

It sounded familiar. It was so much like Soonyoung’s playful and cheery voice. But then, Jihoon has been seeing and hearing him everywhere lately, unable to get him out of his head. He shook himself quickly before faking laughter. “It’s okay. It’s better this way. You can come for a longer period next time.”

“Certainly! Now, put my boyfriend back on, I can’t find…” 

“Yes, don’t even wanna know what you're looking for this time.” Jihoon laughed before handing the phone back to Joshua and excusing himself to the loo. 

When he went back, Joshua was waiting for him with folded hands, and the documentary paused.

“Hey, you could have continued watching.” He plopped next to him. "It's like the third time we are watching it. I have it by heart, scene by scene."

“Jihoon-ah, let's talk?” Joshua said, staring into his eyes with his soft, hypnotising ones.

“About what?”

“You know. The blind date, your dad, Soonyoung, you—Everything” 

Everything that Jihoon was avoiding thinking of. He sighed. He’s been doing that a lot lately. But once he started speaking, he couldn't stop. It was like he could breathe again, like a weight lifting off his chest. 

Joshua only stared at him sternly after he was finished. 

“What?” Jihoon felt small under his gaze.

“You know very well what you are doing. You're running away. Again.” 

He knew it. But that didn't mean he wanted to hear it out loud, especially from Joshua. 

“You wouldn’t understand.” Jihoon shook him off. 

Things have been weird between them lately. The distance, the differences in their outlook towards life and Jihoon’s self-deprecation all led him to shut himself off from Joshua. They have been clashing often, but nothing serious enough to break what they have. The dynamic of their relationship might change, but their love and respect would never. They grew up together, but never as siblings. They were best friends, sharing each other's every joy and pain, they were each other's person, and still are, hopefully. 

“Look, no one understands you as much as I do. I’ve been with you through everything, and will always be on your side. But I need to tell you if you are wrong. I can't watch you giving up on yourself before even trying.” Joshua was right, he knew. But, he didn't want logical advice right now. All he wanted to do was whine and need someone who would listen without judgment. He knows Joshua would never judge; however, he didn't factor in the fact that he would call his bluff. 

“Can you just try to understand for once that when you say ‘Just try it’, I really can't,” Jihoon said. Things don’t come easily to him as they do for others. He has to push himself for everything.

Joshua looked calm. “I’m not asking you to do that. I'm just asking you not to give up on yourself. You had thrown away the weapons before the war began. Who knows, there might be something beautiful at the end.” 

“Let’s just drop it, please. I need a break from everything. I also don't want to waste what little time I have with you while fighting. I’ll figure this out. I’ll be fine, don't worry.” 

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Joshua didn't look into his eyes. He was still not convinced. But he was finally letting it drop. “Hey, did you see the new boots I got?” 

Jihoon’s eyes lit up. “Boots? And you? What has Lee Seokmin done to you?” He chuckled. 

“Hey, don’t put yourself on a pedestal. You cannot please everyone. Think about yourself more.” Joshua said offhandedly, trying to reassure Jihoon before setting off to find the 'Boots'.

Jihoon smiled, not wanting to argue anymore. Joshua was trying to help; it wasn’t his fault that Jihoon refused to listen. He has gotten used to his suffering and likes to stay in the known emotion rather than follow an unknown one. He got angry because Joshua was right. Jihoon had given up on himself a long time ago. Maybe it was high time he started thinking about himself. Maybe something good would come out of this blind date. 

Chapter Text

“What’s the harm in just calling?”

Jihoon could tell Minghao was at the end of his rope. They’d been circling the market for over thirty minutes.

“There’s one last shop at the end of the street,” Jihoon insisted, raising his voice over the chilly wind. “Just slow down a bit!”

“We’re already cutting it close. It’s almost midnight!” Minghao shot back.

He wasn’t wrong. Chan’s surprise party was in less than an hour, and they still didn’t have a cake.

Jihoon cursed under his breath. How could he forget? Chan was turning eighteen—the milestone Jihoon had prepped so hard for. He’d spent hours rummaging through old albums for the most embarrassing baby photos, mercifully filtering out the naked ones. He’d rushed home early to put together a full-blown ‘90s-themed party. The decorations were on point. The playlist was fire. Everything was ready.

Except for the cake!

And now, every bakery nearby had shut down. They have gone through almost every single cake shop. 

Except one.

Soonyoung’s family bakery.

“I’m not saying you have to talk to him,” Minghao offered eyes still on the road. “His sister might help. We have her number.”

Jihoon didn’t answer immediately. He’d been actively avoiding that street for the past month. He refused to even think about Soonyoung. The idea of calling that number made his stomach twist.

But they were running out of options.

“Fine.” He sighed, pulling out his phone and dialling with reluctant, frozen fingers.

It rang. Once. Twice—

“Hello?”

Jihoon panicked. He hung up before the second syllable left Soonyoung’s lips.

“Shit. Shit. I told you this was a terrible idea.”

“What happened?” Minghao glanced over his shoulder. “Was the shop open?”

“Turn around. Now.”

“We’re not turning around. Let’s at least check it out now that we are so close to it.”

“Seriously, Minghao, just—” Jihoon shook his shoulder dangerously.

That did it. Minghao pulled over abruptly. He yanked off his helmet, eyes burning. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Soonyoung picked up,” Jihoon mumbled.

“Oh.” Minghao’s anger dissolved instantly. “Okay. Um. You stay here. I’ll go get the cake,” he suggested. 

It should’ve been a relief. The perfect outcome: avoid Soonyoung, and get the cake. But something clenched in Jihoon’s chest at the thought of not seeing him. 

Over the past month, he had spent countless hours figuring out why this brief date haunted him so deeply. He’d dated before. Worn the faces people expected. Played the parts they liked. But with Soonyoung, there was no act, no performance. Just Jihoon. And he liked that version of himself. Maybe too much to forget that feeling so easily.

“Yeah. Okay. That works,” he said quietly, stepping back as Minghao took off. He lingered beside the bike, scrolling aimlessly through his phone, waiting for an update. It came after a brief second.

Myungho

The shop’s open. No Soonyoung.

Okay 

If available take something with less cream, and no chocolate, please

He exhaled in relief, shoulders finally dropping. He was pretty close to going to hell today. Chan would have killed him for sure.

“Jihoon?”

His body froze. He turned slowly, heart hammering.

Soonyoung stood a few feet away, clutching two garbage bags. His hair was buzzed short, black again. A hoodie hung loose over his frame, yellow duck-print shorts peeking out beneath. He looked...smaller. Maybe it was the missing cheek puff. Or maybe Jihoon’s memory had made him larger than life.

Jihoon’s voice was barely a whisper when he forced himself to speak. “Hey, Soonyoung. It’s been a while.”

Soonyoung blinked, as if unsure Jihoon was real. Then, without a word, he turned and bolted, the garbage bags dropping to the ground with a loud thud.

Jihoon stood there, stunned. He couldn't comprehend the situation completely yet.

Minghao returned moments later, cake in hand to find him staring out into the darkness where Soonyoung had been just moments ago, now disappearing like a ghost. “We got lucky. That’ll teach you to—What happened to your face? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“I just saw Soonyoung.”

“Shit.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it. Let’s just go.” Jihoon knew that if he let himself think about it, he would want to chase Soonyoung, and probably embarrass himself further. No, he would put it off, and stop thinking of it as much as possible, as he does with every other problem in his life.

Minghao understood him. He always does. He didn't force him to say anything else, even though he must have been dying to know the details. 

They rode home in silence.

When they reached home, they were welcomed with boisterous laughter and chatter coming from inside the house. Their parents were gathered in the living room, waiting for the boys. 

“They’re probably comparing our salaries by now,” Minghao muttered as they slipped off their shoes.

Jihoon forced a weak smile, but his mind was miles away. The friendly/not-so-friendly competition that existed between their parents since their childhood was the least of his concerns.

“You okay?” Minghao asked under his breath.

“I will be. Once Chan gets here.” Jihoon forced a smile. One of many of the night. Because tonight was about Chan. No matter what happened earlier, this night was for him. The moment guests (just a few of Chan’s friends and their many family members) started arriving, Jihoon slipped into host mode, with his practised smiles and fake energy.

The party was a hit. Chan, usually reserved, kept sending him quiet, thankful glances. That made everything worth it. 

Their mother floated between guests with drinks and snacks, while their father entertained in the hallway. The food, the vibe, the decor—it all screamed childhood.

“Where’s the birthday boy?” Wonwoo arrived with his parents, balancing a massive box.

“He’s outside, talking with Joshua. Come on, let’s catch them.” He told him. “Hello, Aunty and Uncle.” He smiled at Wonwoo’s parents. 

With his turbulent relationship with his mother, it’s from Wonwoo’s mother that he understands what warmth means. She pulled him in a hug and Wonwoo’s father ruffled his hair, bringing a huge smile to his face.

“Everyone’s inside.” He showed them where all the adults were sitting and grabbed Wonwoo’s hand. Wonwoo, his cousin for the namesake, was more like a sibling in every way that mattered: quiet, and observant; he was a mirror of Jihoon.

They found Chan on the stairs, mid-video call.

“Shua!” Jihoon greeted the screen.

Joshua was curled up on his couch, looking cosy. It was nearly midnight—Seokmin was probably already asleep. Jihoon missed them both. It had only been a month, but it felt longer. 

“Happy birthday, Dino-yah!” Wonwoo pulled Chan into a tight hug.

“Look at my babies. All grown up,” Joshua smiled through a yawn. Firstborn cousin. Artist. Openly gay. A trailblazer. He had carved a space for the rest of them to exist more freely, and Jihoon respected him deeply for it.

“You should’ve come,” Wonwoo said to Joshua. “It’s been ages since all four of us were together.”

Their legendary sleepovers—games, gossip, giggles till dawn, had become rare with age. But they never stopped trying to stay close. They are his best friends and he knows will be forever.

“I’ll be home by month’s end. With Seokmin. And I’ve got news.” Joshua grabbed all three of their complete attention.

“Did Seokmin propose?!” Chan asked, setting off instant chaos. Wonwoo whistled, Jihoon gasped and the three of them started buzzing with excitement.

Joshua laughed. “No spoilers. Enjoy the night. See you next week.” He could be cruel like that.

Jihoon watched his screen fade, heart light. Whatever it was, it was happy news. He could see it in Joshua’s face—that glow, that bursting joy. If he wanted it to be a surprise, so be it.

After the call, Wonwoo handed over Chan’s gift: a brand-new gaming console. Chan hugged the box like it was a person, grinning ear to ear.

Jihoon gave his gift next—a digital clock he’d secretly saved for. Chan rarely asks for anything from him, so he got him the one thing he knew he needed.

Then came the “fashion show.” Chan had to try on every single outfit from his gift pile, just like they did as kids. Then came the cake-cutting ceremony and the family photos.

Eventually, Jihoon snuck away with Chan, Minghao, and Wonwoo, each armed with food, retreating to the staircase.

“Your mom’s seaweed soup is unbeatable,” Minghao said through a mouthful.

“Ew. Who likes seaweed soup?” Jihoon sneered, letting himself laugh a little.

“I love everything your mom makes. Even bitter gourd.” Wonwoo said dreamily. He wasn’t drunk—just blissfully full. Not a sweets guy, he lived for spice, and Jihoon’s mom always made sure to remember that. She’d never admit it, but Wonwoo was her favourite too. 

“Hyung, the cake was amazing. Even Dad had some,” Chan said, polishing off a thick slice of butterscotch cream cake. It matched their retro theme perfectly.

“Jihoon asked for less cream,” Minghao said. Their dad usually hates cream cakes. It's almost impossible to impress him with one. 

“It’s perfect. We’re getting all our cakes from there from now on,” Chan declared, taking another satisfying bite. 

Jihoon involuntarily locked eyes with Minghao.

Chan’s cake obsession wasn’t new. But if he started ordering from that bakery, Jihoon would be the one picking it up each week. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Minghao shifted suddenly like he’d remembered something. “So...the cake’s from Soonyoung’s shop.”

“What?” Chan’s mouth dropped.

“Who’s Soonyoung?” Wonwoo asked.

Jihoon groaned and slumped as Minghao recited the entire awkward date situation.

When it ended, Wonwoo stared at Jihoon with those intense, thoughtful eyes.

Jihoon shrank under his gaze. “I can’t tell if you’re judging or pitying me.”

“I don’t think I’ve earned the right to do either.” Wonwoo looked down, shame flickering in his expression.

“What do you mean?” Chan sat up.

Wonwoo, to their knowledge, had been in a solid relationship since high school. His girlfriend had helped him grow out of his shell. Jihoon had always admired how she brought him to life. His way of loving was admirable, inspiring and so cute.

“We broke up. Jieun and I.”

“What?!”

“Why?”

“When?”

They all spoke at once.

Wonwoo didn’t usually show emotion. But Jihoon saw it—the way he hovered just on the edge of breaking. Terrified of what might come next. 

“Hyung, what happened?” Chan nudged him gently, their chairs drawn close in a loose circle.

“She’s going abroad. I didn’t want to hold her back. I gave up on us, like a coward,” Wonwoo said, voice steady but raw.

How could Jihoon comfort him when he didn’t even believe love lasted? Love, to him, was fleeting. Temporary. That was all he had known his entire life. But Wonwoo—he needed hope. “Oh, hun.” He pulled him into a hug. 

Wonwoo clung to him, finally letting the tears come, uncaring of the family just meters away.

“You’re not a coward. Letting go...it takes guts. Trust me, it’s not easy to walk away even when it’s the right thing.” Minghao comforted him in his way.

There was something unspoken in Minghao’s voice. Jihoon raised an eyebrow. Minghao gave him a small nod, silently promising to share more later.

“Well, maybe she wasn’t the one . I’m sure someone’s out there for us idiots.” Jihoon slung an arm over Wonwoo’s shoulder. Though they were close in age, Jihoon always felt responsible for him. Like another little brother.

For Wonwoo’s sake, Jihoon had to believe in love again. In destiny. In fate. Otherwise, what hope did any of them have?

“You’re right,” Chan echoed. “There’s someone out there for us idiots.”

The three of them stared at him, squinting. 

That night, Chan, Wonwoo and Jihoon squeezed into one bed, watching an old sitcom and sharing the leftover sweets and drinks. That was all Jihoon needed to forget about Kwon Soonyoung and his dewy eyes. 

Until the next morning, when he woke up to a text message that said:

Hey, I’m sorry about last night. Can we talk, please?

Jihoon never really deleted Soonyoung’s number, holding onto the hope that he might contact him again. Just one month later, here they were. 

He found Wonwoo wearing his specs and scrolling through his phone. Chan snored loudly beside him. Jihoon's screen was still illuminating with Soonyoung’s message and he wanted to share it out loud but restrained himself. Watching Wonwoo’s ragged face in the daylight, he discovered just how thin he had become. Despite being quiet, Wonwoo had an unmissable warmth on his face. His smiles, albeit reserved, were the most genuine. Now that he looked up from his phone and greeted Jihoon ‘good morning’, that warmth never reached his eyes.

He settled beside him, cuddling with his arm and resting his head on Wonwoo's shoulder. He looked in the mirror facing the bed and saw how small he looked beside him now. How did they all grow up so fast? 

“Wonwoo-ya.” He muttered.

Wonwoo hummed.

“Wonwoo,” Jihoon mumbled, face pressed into his chest.

“Yes, hyung?” Wonwoo giggled. 

“Jeon Wonwoo.” Jihoon finally looked up at him.

“What?”

“You’re hiding something.” 

Wonwoo didn’t see his eyes. “What would I hide?”

“You’re not telling the whole truth. Something happened, right? There is no way you would let go so easily. You both love each other too much.” Jihoon said. 

Long distance isn’t an easy decision. Jihoon would know. He ran away from one. But if anyone is cut off for it, it’s Wonwoo and Jieun. 

“Hyung, I’m not supposed to tell this to anyone. But if I keep it to myself any longer, I think I will lose my mind.” Wonwoo glanced at Chan, his voice barely a whisper. The youngest was snoring, unbeknownst of their conversation.

“Mom had a heart attack.” He continued looking down, eyes almost teary.

“What? When? Why didn’t you guys tell anyone?”

They are the kind of family that shares joy and pain, always by each other’s side whenever necessary. There are no such secrets kept between them.

“Mom says she is too ashamed to tell anyone. She is ashamed of me!”

“What do you mean?”

Wonwoo’s strong facade crumbled right in front of Jihoon. His eyes filled up with tears, streaming down his cheeks. 

“She found out about us and then…Dad tried to hide it but you know I’ve always known she didn’t like Jieun.” The helplessness in his voice was too familiar. The kind Jihoon experiences every day because of his parents.

“Wonwoo-ya,” Jihoon didn’t know what to say.

“It’s so unfair. It isn’t Jieun’s fault that she is an orphan. Yet, she’s always strived to survive the best she can.” Wonwoo now clutched Jihoon, quietly digging his face into his shoulder. 

The reason his mother didn't want Jieun into the family was that she didn't have one. That was so absurd.

“It’s so unfair that I have to choose between my family and the love of my life.”

“And you chose your family.” If Jihoon was in Wonwoo’s place, he would have probably done the same. It’s the the times like these, that he hates how alike they are. He bets Joshua or Chan wouldn’t even blink before choosing what’s right for them. Joshua has proven so. Does it mean Wonwoo is less brave? No, he is braver. As Minghao says, letting go is much braver. Wonwoo is just too kind, unable to hurt the people that gave birth to him.

“Bringing Jieun into a family that would hate her seems so unfair. So I let her go.” Wonwoo proved Jihoon’s point. 

“But it hurts, hyung. Every day I wake up, I try to hide it from them. I try not to hate them. But it’s so hard. How is it so easy for others? Why do we have to fight for everything we want?” Wonwoo sobbed and sobbed and Jihoon cried with him. Chan woke up finding them red-eyed and livid and cuddled between them without questions, and although he didn’t expect to spend his very first day of adult life like that, they didn’t leave that bed until it was time for lunch.

They talked about all the ways they could help Wonwoo, and finally, Wonwoo decided to give himself another chance. He would try his best to do the long distance, win his parents over, and give it all for the sake of his love.

There was a lesson somewhere in there for Jihoon. And he had learned it well. 

Chapter Text

Minghao had left early for work, so Jihoon found himself alone at the gym. It was still dark outside when he walked in. There was a rubbery scent of worn-out mats in the air. Jihoon liked this time—the quiet, the vacant machines, no greetings, no expectations. He likes activities where he can shut his brain off, when there are no voices, no overthinking, and no pressure to do, but just being able to be. 

With his headphones in, he moved through his workout with determination. But midway through his reps, a shadow crossed the floor in front of him. He looked up and stilled. There, standing like he didn’t belong, was Joshua. Arms folded, scarf loosely wrapped around his neck, not a hair out of place. It was like a celebrity had walked into the room. 

Jihoon pulled out one earbud. “What are you doing here? How did they let you in?”

“I told them my brother was inside,” Joshua said with a casual shrug. 

Jihoon blinked. His brain was still catching up. “When did you get here?” He’d seen Joshua’s missed call earlier in the locker room, but hadn’t expected this.

“Just now.” Joshua yawned. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all. 

“I just started my workout,” Jihoon said sadly. He had no intention of slacking off.

“I know,” Joshua murmured, glancing around at the near-empty gym. His gaze on Jihoon was proud. “Don’t stop on my account. I just wanted to see you. I’ll probably crash for a bit before rejoining  the world.”

“I’m working from home today,” Jihoon told him.

Joshua nodded. “I know.”

Jihoon finished his sets eagerly after that, steps lighter as he left the gym, excited to spend a good day with his brothers. Wonwoo had come over the previous day, citing that he needed a break for the weekend. Now that Jihoon thinks about it, Joshua must have told him beforehand that he was coming. They must have wanted to surprise him. And surprised he was. 

But the morning wasn’t done throwing curveballs.

On his way home, he cut through the neighbourhood market, following a line of fruit stalls and vegetable carts along the narrow street. He could take some groceries back home. He and Joshua love to cook for the kids when they are all together.

He was busy unsuccessfully bargaining with a vendor, and that’s when he saw her. Kwon Minkhyung, Soonyoung’s sister. She was walking toward a parked car just beside Jihoon, arms full of grocery bags. Maybe if he didn't move, she wouldn’t notice him. Surely, she wouldn’t remember someone who had only visited her bakery once—and hadn’t even gone inside the second time. 

But luck was not on his side.

“Jihoon-shi?”

He turned, caught like a deer in headlights. “Oh, hello,” he replied quickly, bowing in reflex. He must look a mess—sweaty, flushed, still in gym clothes. Why did he have to run into her in his worst appearance?

“You came to our cake shop a few days ago, right?”

He hadn’t actually gone in. How did she know? “I…” he began, fumbling for words that wouldn’t make him sound like a stalker or a coward.

“I thought so,” she said with a knowing smile. “That’s why Soonyoung bolted like he saw a ghost. He’s been acting weird ever since.”

Jihoon’s mouth opened slightly. He hadn’t expected that level of honesty.

She smiled warmly. “Oh yes, I know about your date. There’s nothing that idiot hides from me.”

So she knew. She probably knew everything. Not just the date, but likely the awkward way it had ended. 

“I’m sorry about how he acted last night,” she continued, adjusting the bags in her arms. “He’s… dramatic, especially when it’s time for confrontation. I hope you’ll give him a chance to explain.”

“No, please, there’s no need to apologise,” Jihoon said quickly. “I understand. I—I put him in that position. I don’t know if you know...” His voice trailed off, too ashamed to finish the sentence.

“I know,” she said gently, eyes soft with something that looked like compassion. “You were trying to be careful. That doesn’t make you a bad person. I assume Soonyoung wasn’t any different.” She looked so much like Soonyoung now—same eyes, same warmth. 

“Let me help you with those,” Jihoon offered, already reaching for one of the bags.

“You’re sweet,” she said with a chuckle, “but Soonyoung’s coming back in a second. He just ran inside—forgot his wallet. You know how he is.” She said as if Jihoon knew him for ages, but somehow he could imagine Soonyoung being forgetful, it matched his personality. 

Jihoon was busy panicking to think about any of that, though. She could have led with that, he thought. He wasn’t ready to see Soonyoung.

As if summoned, the supermarket’s door opened behind them. “Noona, I found—” Soonyoung’s words died as his eyes landed on Jihoon. In the daylight, Jihoon could see his dark circles, the raggedness of his T-shirt, and the loss of his puffy cheeks.

For one moment, Jihoon thought, or rather wished, that he might bolt again. But Soonyoung didn’t. He stepped forward instead. “Jihoon,” he said, voice even but tentative. He held out his hand.

Jihoon hesitated, then took it.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Minkhyung said brightly, slipping into the car. 

“Noona, wait—” Soonyoung tried to chase her, but she was already gone, tires rolling out into the quiet street.

They stood there awkwardly, under the early morning sun.

Jihoon cleared his throat and gestured vaguely across the street. “How about a coffee?”

Soonyoung looked grateful for the excuse. “Please.”

They walked in silence, the air heavy with tension. Inside, they found a small table by the window. 

“How are you?”

“When did you get back?”

They spoke over each other, neither meeting the other’s eyes.

Jihoon went quiet. Let Soonyoung answer. He remembered their last date and how Soonyoung confidently steered the conversation. It was weird watching him hesitate now. 

“It’s been two months,” Soonyoung said, finally looking at him. There was guilt in his eyes. Something JIhoon was too familiar with. 

“Oh.” He nodded, trying to keep his expression unreadable.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Soonyoung said quietly. “I panicked. I was ashamed to face you.”

“Ashamed? Why?”

Soonyoung gave a bitter laugh. “After all that talk about the distance, about why we couldn’t work—I came back anyway. No plan. No job. Nothing figured out. Just a mess.” He looked down, fingers curling around the edge of his cup.

“You quit your job?” Jihoon asked wide-eyed.

“I thought it was meant for me, but that lasted only for three months. I stayed with a friend and his partner for a few days. But I felt like a burden there, too. Of course, it wasn’t supposed to be permanent. So, I found a small studio apartment. But I couldn’t settle. I was staying up on nights, barely awake during the day. I missed my family, my old life. So I came back. Homesick and confused.” Soonyoung replied. There was confidence even in his loss. He knew what he wanted, and didn’t hesitate to take the risk both times he took the job and when he left it. 

Jihoon listened. He didn’t know how it felt to miss home. In his family, everyone was trying to get away. Joshua had escaped, Wonwoo was on the verge, and Jihoon only stayed for Chan. 

They were from different worlds. So he didn’t say “I understand.” Because he didn’t. “Okay,” he said instead, quietly.

Soonyoung stared. “That’s it? Okay?”

Jihoon raised an eyebrow, reminded suddenly of their last argument, if you could call it that. This was exactly what Soonyoung had said when Jihoon ended things. Now, maybe he understood the sting. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to know…” Soonyoung answered. “Homesickness wasn’t the only thing keeping me up at night. It was you. I kept thinking—what if I was walking away from something good? Something real? I couldn’t stop wondering what we might’ve become.”

Jihoon’s breath caught. He hadn’t expected that. Not in words so clear. Was it possible to feel such intense yearning after one single meeting? Was this what they called love at first sight? Jihoon never believed in it, but hearing Soonyoung, he couldn’t deny its existence. He just wasn’t sure he was worth it. 

“You always say what’s on your mind, don’t you?” Jihoon said with a shaky laugh, eyes wet. “It’s kind of terrifying.”

Soonyoung smiled widely in reply, slowly becoming himself again, now that the weight was off his chest. 

“I was scared, too,” Jihoon admitted. “But not of missing something. I was scared of what might go wrong. Of being disappointed again. Of being hurt. That’s the difference between us,” he said. “You see beginnings. I see ends.”

 “Maybe,” Soonyoung leaned into the table, voice a teasing whisper, “We could try meeting in the middle.”

Meeting in the middle is a lot harder. It means being uncomfortable, vulnerable. But Jihoon wanted to try. You don’t get second chances often. And he wasn’t foolish enough to let this one go. He had an idea. He stood up and held out his hand to Soonyoung. “Hello,” he said. “My name is Lee Jihoon.”

Soonyoung blinked, then grinned. Picked up a toothpick and held it between his teeth. The hoodie didn’t hide the old spark as he moved with theatrical flair. “Name’s Bond. Covalent Bond.”

“Please, not again.” Jihoon groaned, but he couldn’t stop the smile breaking across his face. 

He found himself smiling all the way home, where he was greeted with the sounds of blasting TV, sizzling pans, and chatter. Both Wonwoo and Chan were sitting on the sofa, legs up. Watching them in front of the TV, Jihoon was reminded of their old days.

His mother was cooking breakfast in the kitchen, making breakfast for all of them.

“Where’s Joshua?” He asked, handing over the groceries that he had brought on the way to her.

“He’s sleeping in your room. I told him to rest here so that he can eat. It’s better than waking to an empty house.” She said, searing the meat. Jihoon might not like some of his mother’s behaviour, but he cannot deny her kindness. She leaves no space for taking care of the entire family. They do not believe that they are cousins, but all their parents raised them together as their own. And Jihoon’s mother’s contribution to it was the biggest. She’d cook for all of them when their parents left them to her on their way to work, taking care of all the children alone. That was the reason why Wonwoo and Joshua were so comfortable in his house.

“Eommoni, I have removed the clothes, where do I hang them?” Seokmin came out of the bathroom, hair wet and holding a basket full of presumably his and Joshua’s clothes.

“Seokmin?” Jihoon recoiled. It seemed like the surprises weren’t done yet for the day, and it was only morning. He wondered what the rest of his day was going to be like. 

He didn’t think Joshua would bring Seokmin. He avoids it as much as he can, even when Jihoon insists they come together. He knows it’s for a reason. Joshua’s parents aren’t exactly welcoming to Seokmin. They will tolerate him for Joshua’s sake. Because they know if they don’t, Joshua wouldn’t visit them anymore.

“Hyung!” Seokmin leapt on him, pulling him into a tight hug. Jihoon would never say it out loud, but he loves Seokmin’s hugs. They are probably second best after Mingyu. Thinking about MIngyu, he should probably check up on his friends. He hadn’t spoken to anyone except Minghao for a while.

“Hyung?” Seokmin dragged his attention back. He was scanning him with a frown. “Something’s different about you.”

Jihoon subconsciously touched his cheek. They were flushed ever since his encounter with Soonyoung. 

“Yes, your face. You are glowing.” Seokmin grinned, now helping his mother plating the side dishes.

‘It’s probably the gym.” Jihoon shrugged and escaped, “I’ll go wake Joshua up.”

“Shua! Wake up! I have something to tell you.” He shook his sleeping cousin. He would obviously be the first one to know about his encounter with Soonyoung. “Wake up, you asshole.” He kicked him when Joshua showed no movement. 

“What is it?” Joshua opened one eye, lifting the scarf he had used to cover his eyes. 

‘I ran into the guy I went on a date with a few months ago!” That was enough to wake Joshua up and out of his blanket.

Taking advantage of the fact that they were all alone, which he knew would be very rare soon, Jihoon told him everything.

“Maybe you guys are meant for each other,” Joshua said, nodding, seemingly lost. The lack of his usual snide comments told Jihoon that he was in deep thought. 

“Hey, what is it?” Jihoon asked, concerned. Something was eating Joshua up. He should have known when he showed up in the gym to see him. That was out of character for him. He must have wanted to speak with him in the absence of everyone else, but couldn’t bring himself to do it, or just thought he didn’t want to disturb Jihoon.

“I have something to tell you. I want you to be the first to know it.” Joshua said finally.

Jihoon immediately grabbed both his hands, checking for a ring while saying, “Don’t tell me Seokmin actually proposed.” When he found them empty, he spoke again, “Or did you?” No, that wouldn’t be possible. Joshua would definitely confide in him before taking such a big step. 

“No, not that. I’ve got a job proposal. I’d get to work with some experienced people, and it’s a great opportunity to save up for my restaurant.” Joshua answered. That had always been his dream.

“What about Seokmin?” 

Seokmin is a vocal coach, which means he has been working with the kpop industry for quite a few years now. That was the reason Joshua decided to move with him to Seoul. 

“I haven’t told….”

Seokmin walked into the room. Watching their ghostly faces, he raised his hands. “I wasn’t eavesdropping I swear, I just came to call you guys out. Breakfast is ready.” He walked to them, giving Joshua a small peck.

Jihoon subconsciously looked at the door, on guard. He would never get used to just how brave Joshua was. Of course, no one in their family knows about Seokmin’s real relationship with Joshua except his parents, who hadn’t taken it that well. But theirs wasn’t an extreme reaction. At least they didn’t disown him. 

For the rest of their family, Seokmin was just Joshua’s best friend and roommate, which Seokmin didn’t seem to mind. 

At least, there were no secrets on his side of the family. They are accepting, loving, and unbroken, unlike their family.

“Come out, both of you, after getting fresh.” Seokmin walked away.

Jihoon saw the guilt in Joshua’s eyes as he watched his lover’s back.

Guilt seems to be a recurring villain, a curse upon the latest generation of their family.

Jihoon’s guilty of being too filial of a son, Joshua’s of the opposite. Wonwoo’s guilty of daring to live his life on his terms, Chan’s of not knowing anything about it. Yet, they are somehow connected to the family, unable to escape it, unable to let go, knitted together in warmth. 

During breakfast, two messages popped up on Jihoon’s phone. One was a sweet ‘ Good morning’ by Soonyoung, and the other was from Minghao. He sent a quick greeting back to Soonyoung and then checked up on Minghao. Whoever said bros before hoes lied. 

Myungho

Did you hear about Mingyu?  He got into an accident

What happened?

His bike skidded. Busted his knee pretty badly

Fuck! Did you talk with him?

No. I just found out from Seungkwan

We should go see him

Let’s meet in the evening and ask others when they would be free

Actually, Joshua and Seokmin had come over. 

I don’t know what the plan is yet. 

But I’ll let you know

Okay

That was the end of their conversation. Surprisingly, in the past 20 years of their friendship, they have barely exchanged any messages for casual conversation. 

“Guys, what’s our plan for the day?” He asked around the table, waiting for someone to reply.

As always, Joshua was the one coming up with the ideas. “Let’s go to the beach?”

“Lovely. I haven’t seen the sea for a long time.” Seokmin squealed.

“What about dinner? Will you guys come?” JIhoon’s mother asked, serving Seokmin more of the rice.

“No, we will eat something out.” Joshua smiled. 

Jihoon knew he didn’t want to intrude. He also didn’t want Seokmin to spend any more time with the family than necessary. No one likes to hide their love, their lover. Acting fake always gets to him.

“Shall I invite my best friend too? He also lives in the town.” Seokmin asked them, and none of them complained. They usually hate others coming into their group, but if it’s for Seokmin, anything is allowed. Besides, they were sure Seokmin’s best friend had to be just like him to be able to keep up with him. And, two Seokmins are always better than one.

“Have you talked with him after he left so abruptly?” Joshua asked Seokmin.

“Yes, he seems fine now.” Seokmin frowned, unconvinced of it.

“Good that you invited him, he needs a break too.” Joshua rubbed his arm comfortably. 

While they were engaged in a private conversation, Jihoon turned to his phone again, texting with Soonyoung.

Soonyoung

I should apologise for my Noona. She can be very intrusive at times

So that’s where you get it from

I’m kidding

She is very sweet and lovely. I can see her reflection in you

You should see my father then

Jihoon sent him a pink heart, smiling at his screen.

“What got you smiling there?” Wonwoo, ever the observant, sneaked at his screen, but without making a fuss about it. 

“Nothing.” Jihoon smiled, locking the phone immediately.

Wonwoo nodded, not pressuring him a bit. He had that knowing smile, that proud and endearing look in his eyes that Joshua had when he came to visit him in the gym.

“What are we eating for lunch, guys?” Chan asked in the middle of taking a huge bite of his corn.

“Only you can think about food while eating food.” Their mother commented, shaking her head. She seemed relaxed. Having people over stresses her out, sure, but she loves a full house. 

“Don’t worry. Lunch is on us today, you can rest, Aunty.” Joshua told her as JIhoon expected.

The kids wanted to eat Joshua’s alfredo pasta, so he started working on that. Jihoon helped him out while the others watched a movie.

After lunch, everyone, including Jihoon’s mother, dozed off into a deep nap. Jihoon lay awake, yawning and working on his laptop in the hall, watching everyone sprawled on the floor, all the windows closed, and a forced darkness in the room.

Joshua awoke after a while, having already slept well before. His eyes lingered longer on Seokmin beside him. 

Jihoon pretended he didn’t see it. He realised just how similar Wonwoo’s and Joshua’s situations were. Long-distance relationships affect even the most experienced couples. 

“Hey, how long will your work take?” Joshua sprawled on his lap, hugging his torso.

“Give me half an hour.”

“Then I’ll get everyone ready.” Joshua was about to get up when Jihoon grabbed his shoulder.

“Are you okay?” He asked. Probably a stupid question, but it does wonders to soothe someone’s heart. There have been endless times in his life when he had wished someone would ask him that sincerely, and most of the time it has always been Joshua to come forth.

He saw Joshua’s chin wobble as he held his tears in. “I don't want to lose him.” His explanation was short. 

Jihoon understood that he was avoiding breaking down. “Why would you lose him? Look at him. He’s come with you at your one word, knowing how he will be treated over here. Never shows it on his face, putting up with everything with a brave face and a wide smile. He loves you like crazy.’ 

Joshua sighed loudly. “I know all that. It makes me even more guilty. How can I ask him to leave everything and come with me so far away? To leave his career, his family, friends and everything he has built for himself behind?” 

Jihoon nodded, sliding his glasses over his nose. “Didn’t you do the same for him? Didn’t you start a new life in an unknown city?”

“That wasn’t selflessness. You and I both know I wanted to escape. Seokmin only helped in that.” Joshua laughed bitterly, a tear finally escaping down his cheek.

“I think you should tell him sooner, so that you both can try to find a way to make it work. Maybe there is an alternative. But if nothing works, you could try long distance, if anyone can survive it, I am betting on you.” Jihoon told him what he believed.

“You said the same to Wonwoo, right?” Joshua accused, the bitterness spreading on his smile. “Look at them now. Look at him. He gave up. Despite the years on them, the kind of love they had. They were practically soulmates.”

“Are you saying yours is any less?” JIhoon raised his eyebrows, then shook his head. “Listen, Wonwoo isn’t you. He has his own values, his own way of coping. He made a choice. Either way, he will regret losing the other forever. And you are…”

Joshua didn’t let him finish, “The selfish bastard that abandoned his parents.”

Jihoon clicked his tongue. “You are only breaking the shackles that tied you to the generational trauma that has been in our family for centuries. We all admire you for having found the right balance, the healthy way to remain in this family. And that you never gave up on Seokmin. You are a sort of wizard for us. You can do anything. I am sure until you have Seokmin,  you will find a way out of this. Together.” 

Joshua smiled, unconvinced. But he was thinking. That was a start. He then rose from the sofa, stretching loudly. “Come on, idiots, wake up! We are going to the beach!” He called out, waking everyone up at once. 

Jihoon watched as everyone started getting ready excitedly, not having to be told twice. That vibe continued on their way towards the beach. They decided on using Wonwoo and Joshua’s bikes. Seokmin chose to stay behind to come with his friend. 

Sitting behind Joshua’s scooter, feeling the cold air hitting his nostrils, Jihoon couldn't help but feel nostalgic. They grew up fast. It was only yesterday that they were all playing house in Joshua’s old house, parading in his mother's clothes. (How did they not realise their elder children are gay is a miracle, really!) 

He remembers all their fond trips to the family farmhouse—playing with mud, climbing trees, scraping knees, the tan, the unkempt state of their clothes and hair, everything was so memorable, so unforgettable and precious. 

Now, their definition of “fun” has changed quite a bit. It's in the late-night sleepovers, the takeouts, the empty pizza boxes, the beaches and the alcohol. 

Yet, one thing had always remained the same. Their love for one another. Their willingness to stick together, their resilience to protect each other. 

“What are you thinking about so hard? You were quiet all the way here,” Joshua found a seat next to Jihoon, holding a large plate of a club sandwich. They had parked their bikes at the side of a small sandwich stall, the beautiful coastal line for a view stretching in front of their eyes. 

“Just reminiscing about our childhood. Thinking about how little time we have left to be like this now. You might go away…” he said, carefully looking for a change in Joshua’s expression, but he remained stoic. So Jihoon continued, “I might be married off soon.” He laughed, making Joshua chuckle. “The kids have grown up, too.” He said, looking over Wonwoo and Chan sitting on Wonwoo’s bike and sharing their flavoured milks. 

Joshua nudged him with his elbow. “You millennials and your obsession with Nostalgia.”

“You are talking like you are a Gen Z, Mr. Boomer.” Jihoon laughed, soon to be caught up in scolding Chan over his spilt milk.

“Where’s Seokmin?” Wonwoo asked Joshua.

“This is a bit far from Soonyoung’s place. But, they should have been here by now.” Joshua said casually, removing his phone from his pocket to call his boyfriend.

“Oh, okay,” Wonwoo answered just as casually before a thought hit him. “What did you say the name of his friend was?”

“Kwon Soonyoung, why?”

Jihoon, who had been listening to their conversation half-heartedly while helping Chan wipe off the milk from the bike seat, whipped his head at once. “Kwon Soonyoung?”

“Do you think it’s the same Kwon Soonyoung that you know?” Wonwoo asked.

“That’s unlikely, right?” Jihoon asked, sweating.

“I mean it’s a pretty small town,” Chan added the fuel, enjoying the look of panic on Jihoon’s face. Not a single serious bone in this guy’s body, seriously!

“Wait, the guy you went on a date with? Is that who Wonwoo is talking about? You never told me his name.” Joshua exclaimed.

Amidst this chaos, they heard two voices from the distance, one was Seokmin’s—loud and clear, “Guys, what are you doing there? Come here, the sand is so warm.” That was Seokmin, standing next to a bike parked directly on the beach, waving at them once they all looked up at him. 

And then another, small, confused voice, but recognisable, that said. “Jihoon?”

Chapter Text

“Soonyoung,” Jihoon huffed under his breath. He was too shocked to say anything more.

“Do you guys know each other?” Seokmin, the only one oblivious to their predicament, strolled up beside Soonyoung, casually draping an arm around his shoulders.

Jihoon didn’t reply, his eyes locked on Soonyoung, waiting for him to speak first. After all, Seokmin was his best friend.

“Uh,” Soonyoung stuttered, still staring at Jihoon. “Yeah.” That was all he said.

Seokmin gave him an odd look, clearly expecting more of an explanation, but Soonyoung was already darting his eyes at him in silent panic. It was the kind of look that screamed, We’ll talk later , and somehow, Seokmin, naive as he could be sometimes, understood.

Well, that was too bad. Jihoon had been curious to hear how Soonyoung would introduce him. As a friend? An ex? Were they even considered exes after a brief date? Something more? Or… nothing at all? Were they supposed to pretend they didn’t know each other? Was Soonyoung ashamed? Jihoon hated the questions that crawled into his head.

He’d told Joshua just in the morning that a relationship involved two people. He couldn’t be the one jumping to conclusions without having a conversation with the other person and tearing himself apart with “what ifs.”

“All right, so, guys,” Seokmin said, breaking the tension. “This is Kwon Soonyoung, my best buddy.” He gestured around. “These are Joshua’s cousins. You already know Jihoon,” He looked awkwardly between the two, still confused but amused. “That’s his younger brother Chan, and this is Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo, always the peacemaker, stepped forward with a polite nod and offered Soonyoung a firm handshake. “Hello.”

As Soonyoung exchanged greetings, his eyes lingered on Jihoon—nervous but excited. He was certainly happy to be there, happy to see him, and that made Jihoon’s heart flutter.

“Okay!” Chan was already skipping toward the sea, barefoot. “I’m going in—who’s coming with me?”

“Wait for me!” Seokmin shouted, chasing after him with boyish energy.

Joshua hung back, glancing between Jihoon and Soonyoung, the latter now talking with Wonwoo, the two warming up to each other quite easily considering Wonwoo never really initiates a conversation with strangers on the first meet. 

“Hey… are you okay with this?” Joshua whispered gently, leaning in close to Jihoon.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

 “I just… I don’t want you to feel cornered. Today was supposed to be fun.” 

Jihoon smiled, soft and a little sad. “I’m fine. Soonyoung’s probably more awkward than I am. He didn’t think he’d be meeting my family this soon.”

That made Joshua chuckle. “You’re probably right. You should talk to him. Ease him up a little.” He gave Jihoon a quick pat and darted off, grabbing Wonwoo’s hand and pulling him toward the shoreline.

Jihoon noticed Soonyoung slowing his steps just enough to meet him halfway.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Soonyoung smiled, cheeks puffing like steamed buns. “What a coincidence, huh?”

“Yeah.” Jihoon’s voice was quiet, almost breathless. Their hands brushed once. All he wanted to do was take that hand and walk into the wind, watching the tides roll in beside him.

At some distance, the others were splashing water, shrieking and laughing, but no one interrupted. It felt like everyone had agreed to give them space. He squeezed back gently. “Is it too soon?”

Jihoon understood what he meant. They hadn’t even gone on a real date. Now here they were, hand-in-hand on a beach, tangled in family and feelings.

“Not if we don’t overthink it.” He smiled. “You’re Seokmin’s best friend. That’s reason enough for you to be here today.”

Soonyoung nodded, his mouth curling into a grin. Mischievous now. Familiar. “Race you to the first wave,” he said. 

However, he didn’t let go of Jihoon’s hand as he took off, dragging them both forward. 

Jihoon laughed, stumbling in the sand, heart racing faster than his legs. Someone grabbed him from behind as they reached, lifting him off the ground. Soonyoung helped, and in the next second, he was dumped into the sea with a huge splash.

“Assholes!” Jihoon sputtered, soaked and huffing, running after the nearest culprit—Chan.

“I didn’t do it, I swear!” Chan yelled, barely dodging as Jihoon tackled him into the surf.

Soon, everyone was wet, breathless, and laughing as waves crashed around them.

Joshua tiredly sat back on a towel on dry sand, sunbathing with Seokmin beside him. 

The others split into teams, someone producing a frisbee from a beach bag. Being in the same team as Soonyoung seemed too much, so Jihoon chose Wonwoo. 

“Loser team buys dinner,” Chan announced, high-fiving with Soonyoung.

“If you lose, I’m the one paying,” Jihoon muttered, throwing the frisbee toward Wonwoo—only for Soonyoung to lunge in and catch it mid-air.

“Don’t worry, if our team loses it will be on me,” Soonyoung said with a wink.

Jihoon blushed, his glare half-hearted. “You’re on.”

They played for nearly twenty minutes, and the score was equal. Then, Jihoon slipped—and fell right into Soonyoung’s arms, while they were both trying to catch the frisbee.

Soonyoung’s breath ghosted over Jihoon’s forehead. Droplets dripped from his hair, trailing down his clean, makeup-free face. He looked devastatingly pretty. 

“Look who's filming a drama over here,” Wonwoo teased them, going towards Chan’s side to have a better view.

Jihoon’s stomach flipped. “Thanks,” he mumbled, heat rushing to his ears.

Soonyoung opened his mouth, probably about to say something cheesy, but was cut off by the shouting from the shore.

“And you hid it from me for a month?” Seokmin’s voice was loud and clear. He stood, furious. “Were you just going to disappear on me? Take a plane and then tell me?”

Tears were accumulating in Joshua’s eyes as he tried to explain, “I told you now, I just—” 

Seokmin wasn’t having it. His voice was sharp, but the hurt behind it was unmistakable. His whole face crumpled as tears spilt over his cheeks. “Thanks for telling me, I guess.”

He wiped his face roughly and stormed toward the bikes.

“I’ll check on him,” Soonyoung offered, starting forward.

Jihoon caught his wrist. “I’ll go.” Soonyoung didn’t know what the fight was really about. Jihoon did. Joshua must’ve told Seokmin about the job offer. 

He glanced back. Wonwoo was already sitting with Joshua, rubbing his back as he cried. Chan hovered nearby, nervous and helpless.

“Stay with them,” he told Soonyoung, then jogged after Seokmin.

Thankfully, Seokmin hadn’t taken off. He was sitting on his bike, hunched forward, wiping his eyes but failing miserably to stop the tears.

Jihoon approached quietly and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Breathe.”

“You knew, didn’t you?” Seokmin said, voice shaking. “You two tell each other everything.”

“Only since yesterday,” Jihoon said gently, rubbing his back. “He’s been… scared. Torn.”

Seokmin choked on a sob and bowed his head. “Did he think I would leave him? Honestly, his lack of faith in me is what’s hurting me the most.”

“He trusts you. He just feels like he doesn’t deserve this all. It’s hard, the way we have been raised. We are scared of keeping ourselves first.” Jihoon’s eyes were tearing up fast.

“I know. I know him enough to see the battles he wants to fight all alone. But, that doesn’t mean it hurts that after all these years, he still refuses to let me see that darkness in him. He is trying to be strong for both of us, and that's not how it should be.”

Jihoon nodded. Seokmin was calming down. “We can leave if you want. You don’t have to see him right away.” He offered, in case he needed some time off. “You can crash at Soonyoung’s?”

“No, I’m fine. I need to talk with him.” Seokmin got up, looking in the direction of others. Soonyoung was offering Joshua water who was still sobbing uncontrollably. 

“Okay.”

Seokmin gave him a small smile. “Jihoon.”

“Yeah?”

“Soonyoung’s a nice person. He would never hurt you intentionally.” He said, nodding his head. 

Jihoon felt warm. “I know.” 

Before Seokmin could see his flushed face, he retreated. 

When they reached the rest, they found Joshua standing stiff, guilty and nervous. He didn’t dare say anything, slightly embarrassed. Seokmin hesitated to approach him and Jihoon noticed his hesitation.

“C’mon guys, we are going for dinner. Let’s give these lovebirds some alone time.” He winked at Seokmin who let out a small laugh. 

“Whose paying? Who lost?” Seokmin asked, trying to normalise the atmosphere.

Soonyoung shrugged, “We never finished the game.”

“Then dinner’s on me! We have to celebrate my boyfriend’s achievement. He has been offered a job in the US!” Seokmin wrapped his arms around Joshua, whose shoulders slumped immediately with relief. He looked at Seokmin with fresh tears and pulled him in for a hug. 

“What? US? That's huge!” Wonwoo exclaimed, a wide smile on his face.

“Hyung, congratulations!” Chan jumped into the hug.

Soonyoung was also surprised and gave his quiet congratulations to Joshua. 

“I haven’t decided if I’m taking it,” Joshua, overwhelmed with all the attention, dug his face further into Seokmin’s chest.

“Aww,” Chan said, leaning into Wonwoo.

They all started laughing at the way Joshua pulled away shyly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.” He said to Seokmin.

Seokmin squeezed his hand, “It’s okay. We can discuss all that later. Right now, we need to party!” He shouted.

Soonyoung looked at Jihoon gratefully. When no one was looking, he grabbed his hand. 

Jihoon never let it go as everyone started moving to the vehicles, lost in a deep discussion about finding a good seafood restaurant. 

Their table was filled with assortments of fish dishes and one meat dish for Wonwoo, who didn’t like seafood. 

Once they started digging in, there was less talking and more chewing. Everyone in their family is a huge foodie. They take their meals very seriously. Jihoon knows Seokmin is used to it but he was a bit embarrassed in front of Soonyoung. 

“Hey, can I have a taste of that?” Soonyoung asked Chan if he could try his green Thai curry, and the youngest gave it to him like second nature. Sharing has been an integral part of their lives. You learn that bit when about fifteen people have dinner in the same room.

Soonyoung seemed to have no problem fitting into their eating habits. He was already on his second portion of the rice, eating heartily. There was a grain stuck at the corner of his lip, and Jihoon was trying his best to restrain himself from just plucking it away.

“This is the most delicious marinated crab I’ve ever had,” Joshua said, smacking his lips. Seokmin smiled, feeding him another bite. 

Jihoon was glad they were handling everything so well. The love in their eyes never wavered, full of understanding and respect. 

He wondered if he and Soonyoung could ever reach that stage. He shuddered, wondering when he would start thinking of the future, of something permanent. He always made a rule of never thinking ahead, the possibilities always scaring him. But now, he was already counting his chickens before they had hatched. 

After the meal, they all slowly parted ways, dragging their feet as though the act of saying goodbye might undo the warmth they'd just shared.

Joshua and Seokmin reluctantly made their way to Joshua’s house, walking hand in hand, quiet but clearly holding each other together. Wonwoo, needing to be up early for work, offered a soft smile and a tired wave before driving off, leaving behind the comfortable chaos of Jihoon’s home.

Chan never had trouble falling back into a routine. He went straight back to his room, headphones on, diving into whatever new obsession he was riding this week. 

But Jihoon always struggled with the morning after—the emotional hangover of a long weekend full of people, touch and talk. 

He reached for his phone and, like clockwork, found a sweet “Good morning” from Soonyoung waiting there. His lips curved before he even realized it. He typed out a quick reply, then dragged himself upright, checking emails with bleary eyes.

Among the usual work chatter and meeting reminders, a new notification stood out: a message from Jeonghan. He never usually texts him until absolutely necessary, so Jihoon checked it with a frown. 

Jeonghan hyung

Can you take over my first period? 

Something urgent came up.

No problem, hyung

He wondered whether he would be pushing the boundaries by showing his concern, but he was worried. Jeonghan’s usually punctual to a dot, and he hates asking for favours.

Is everything okay?

Yeah

He waited for some more explanation, but it never came. What did he expect though? Even with almost a year of working together, he barely knew anything about his personal life. But lately, he seemed stressed, quieter than usual and lost in his head. Something was bothering him. 

He would know the reason later that afternoon when he would find Jeonghan at their desk, but this time he wasn't alone. A toddler was sitting on his empty desk, which was usually a mess of papers and stationery. He was pulling Jeonghan’s semi-long locks and giggling while Jeonghan faked hurt with an exasperated cry. 

Jeonghan’s eyes were filled with adoration, love and the kind of protectiveness that Jihoon had seen in his parent’s eyes when they looked at Chan and sometimes even at him. 

He decided to approach carefully, with a wide smile and big hand gestures, “Who is this little cutie-patootie?” He leaned in, touching the boy’s nose, “Hello, I am Jihoon. What’s your name?” 

He knew asking Jeonghan anything would make him reel backwards, so he gave him room to decide how much he wanted to share. 

The boy giggled shyly and tucked his face into Jeonghan’s shoulder

“Hanyeol.” Jeonghan offered, still on defence.

“Hanyeol-shi, it’s so nice to meet you. You are sho sho cute!” Jihoon grabbed his chubby little fingers and shook his hand, trying to contain the cuteness aggression to an acceptable level. 

“Great that you are here, please look after him until lunch break. His father will come to pick him up by then. I cannot skip any more lectures.” Jeonghan sounded small. But there was more than discomfort in his gaze, he was worried, scared, concerned.

His father. Jihoon tilted his head. That was interestingly vague. Still, he nodded. 

For a second, he thought Jeonghan wouldn’t explain, leaving it up for interpretation, but it seemed like he couldn’t take that risk with his child. Of course not.

“His other dad,” Jeonghan finally said with quite a lot of breath—as if the words rolling off his tongue were unused, unfamiliar, foreign. 

“Okay hyung, no problem. You can rest assured. I'm quite good at handling babies.” He had after all helped raise a whole menace like Chan.

Jeonghan cracked a small smile but didn’t say anything more. His eyes lingered on Hanyeol before he finally walked off to class, though the tension in his shoulders betrayed how reluctant he was to leave. Just before he could step out, he halted. He didn’t look back, but his words carried clear meaning. “If anyone asks, tell them it’s my friend’s son.”

It must hurt to say it. It must be so painful not being able to call his child his. Jeonghan was doing what he thought was necessary to keep everyone safe. It might be twisted, but it was the safest option.

“Yes, hyung. Don’t worry. Hanyeol is safe with me.” Jihoon comforted him in the only way he knew. By telling the truth, by standing deserving of the faith Jeonghan showed in him.

Jihoon settled on the couch, pulling Hanyeol onto his lap. The boy was quiet but curious, fiddling with Jihoon’s fingers, occasionally pointing to the scribbles on Jihoon’s notes. There was a calmness to him that reminded Jihoon of Jeonghan. The way he furrowed his brows when confused, the habit of tucking hair behind his ear—small things, but telling.

At one point, Hanyeol dozed off, nestled in the crook of Jihoon’s arm, wrapped in a soft blanket. Jihoon couldn’t stop smiling as he brushed stray strands from the boy’s forehead. He snuggles into his warmth, high on baby smell. He felt protective of this tiny stranger already.

A knock on the door of the empty staff room startled him, waking him from his half-lidded daze. 

“Hello, you must be Jihoon.” A man entered, his voice rich and kind. He moved with familiarity, eyes lighting up the moment he saw the sleeping child. “I’m Seungcheol. Jeonghan’s… friend.”

Friend. Right. Jihoon had heard that one before.

Jihoon saw a man as pale as himself, with thick eyebrows, wide eyes, and a big, warm smile on his face. He was in a blazing blue suit, hair slicked back, definitely in business. He reached for Hanyeol with a practised ease. “Thank you for looking after Hanyeol. Our babysitter called in sick and I couldn’t get away from my meeting on time.”

The comfort that Seungcheol spoke with Jihoon, with no hesitation and secretiveness, was a contrast to Jeonghan. 

 Jeonghan’s covertness made sense. He was overly protective of his family, and that’s why he avoided talking about his life--the fear of judgment, the fear of it all being ripped away from him. Jihoon understood it all too well now.

Jihoon smiled. “It was my pleasure. He’s a delight.”

Jeonghan appeared at the door, eyes darting around before relaxing when he saw them. “You’re late,” he said quietly, but there was no real bite.

“I know. I’m sorry,” Seungcheol said, pouting exaggeratedly. 

Jihoon watched the subtle transformation in Jeonghan’s expression—the annoyance fading into affection. He could tell how difficult it was for Seungcheol to do this, to act, to pretend , but it was evident how much of it he was doing for Jeonghan, for his peace of mind. He could read the couple like an open book; genre— a forbidden romance .

There was a moment of hesitation, where both the men held themselves back, adversely aware of Jihoon’s presence in the room.

“He knows.” Came Jeonghan’s voice. He was standing at the door, looking around to see if anyone was listening. But no one‘s in the staff room during this hour. 

Seungcheol’s eyes widened as if he had never expected it. But he recovered quickly. He looked back at Jihoon with more relaxed eyes and a genuine, wide smile, “I would love to hang out with you, Jihoon-shi. I don’t get to meet a lot of Jeonghan’s friends.” There was a bite to his words that was only meant for Jeonghan, but Jihoon had somehow caught a whiff of it. These are the times when he hates his observation skills, he always ends up finding out more about people than he should.

“Alright, I’ll see you at home.” Seungcheol continued, leaning in, and Jeonghan quickly glanced at Jihoon before landing a kiss on his cheek.

Jihoon shyly averted his gaze towards the baby. “I’m going to miss Hanyeol so much.” 

“Oh, you’re welcome to come visit us anytime. Right Jeonghan-ah?” Seungcheol said, wrapping an arm around Jeonghan’s shoulder. The latter deflated in the touch, “Yes, sure.” He said hesitantly.

“I’ll take you up on that offer. I’ll finally get to see YOON JEONGHAN, minus the professor.” Jihoon giggled, unable to imagine him any other way. Even the subtleties in his actions now, the softness, the dependency that he showed on Seungcheol, the shy PDA, it was all Jihoon never imagined Jeonghan to be.  He never really thought of him outside the four walls of their college.

“Oh, boy, you are in for a surprise then.” Seungcheol winked, as they both erupted in laughter at the expense of a very annoyed Jeonghan.

Jeonghan said to Jihoon, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” which clearly translated into ‘We will talk.’ Then, they started walking away, looking like a perfect family.

Once the couple had left, Jihoon found himself lost in thought. Albeit a secret, Jeonghan had found a family with Seungcheol. He was living the dream that Jihoon thought impossible. Should he allow himself to hope too?

That's when his phone pinged.

Bandana Man

So, I was thinking of watching a movie this Saturday

Jihoon smiled. A movie seemed fun, less pressure to talk, more quiet companionship, and maybe….well whatever couples do in movie theatres, he wouldn't know.

That sounds like a plan. I’m free.

I would bring you but….

They don't allow you to bring snacks.

It took more than one read for Jihoon to realize what he meant, but when he did, he was slapping his knees, laughing.

You are impossible, do you know that?

No honey, I am yours.

Jihoon didn't reply, not immediately. He couldn't. He was too busy blushing and buzzing with all the giddiness. Maybe, he should allow himself to hope.

Chapter Text

Jihoon had been so consumed with work and life lately that the movie date Soonyoung had suggested never actually happened. Every weekend, they made plans, only to cancel at the last minute for one reason or another. Still, Jihoon was genuinely trying. He called whenever he could, replied to texts in between lectures, and sent pictures of random things just to keep the conversation alive. He was getting to know Soonyoung more and more with each passing day.

The slow pace of it all was frustrating, sure—but also exactly what he needed. Soonyoung’s presence was becoming something Jihoon instinctively reached for. His constant encouragement, his unwavering energy were all growing on him. 

He was slowly learning that being careful and being closed off weren’t the same thing. The thought of a future with Soonyoung was starting to look like a possibility. It didn’t scare him anymore, regardless of whether it would end up happening. He wasn’t afraid of failure, because he knew these moments would leave him with sweet memories and a healed heart. 

He smiled at Soonyoung’s picture flashing on his phone. It was a selfie with an ice-cream stick he sent him in the afternoon. 

“So,” Minghao said, glancing at Jihoon’s phone, “When am I meeting this Soonyoung?”

Jihoon smiled and locked the screen. “Let us meet properly first. We’ve only seen each other once since he came back.”

They were sitting on their usual bench in the park. It was a little past nine. The garden was empty and dark, with only a streetlight in its corner. It had become a ritual of sorts—ten minutes after gym, sitting under the night sky, catching up on life. Jihoon was glad he had something to do in the evening, away from home, having to spend less time in his father’s presence. Things haven’t been good ever since he turned down his last blind date. But Jihoon was done playing their puppet. He was regaining control of his life. If his father couldn’t support it, he doesn’t need his support or his approval anymore. 

Minghao chuckled. “I can’t wait to meet the guy who’s changed you so much.”

“I’m changed?” Jihoon tilted his head, but his lips were already curling into a grin.

He knew it was true. But he hadn’t stopped to think whether that shift was because of Soonyoung. He hadn’t dared to hope that deeply.

“You look happier,” Minghao said, eyes soft.

“Thanks. How about you? How’s the new job treating you?”

The mood shifted. Minghao's eyes flicked away. “I need to tell you something,” he murmured. “Promise me you won’t judge… or yell too much.”

Jihoon frowned gently. “You know I won’t judge you. But if it’s something stupid, I deserve the right to yell.”

Minghao forced a laugh, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He drew in a breath and blurted, “I… slept with my boss.”

“Okay. And why would I scold you for that?” Sure, workplace relationships had their complications—especially with superiors—but Jihoon didn’t believe companies had any right to dictate what people did with their hearts. 

“He’s married,” Minghao added, barely above a whisper.

A hundred thoughts tumbled into Jihoon’s mind at once, none of them coherent. “Oh,” he exhaled slowly. “Okay. Um… did you—did you talk about it? Did you tell him it was a mistake?”

The silence that followed was louder than any answer. 

“Minghao,” he said, voice high. “Don’t tell me… how long has this been going on?”

“A couple of months.”

Jihoon stared at him. “Myungho—”

“I know,” Minghao interrupted. “I know what you’re going to say. I know it’s wrong. I know he’s married. I know I’m helping him cheat. I know it all.”

Jihoon tried to keep his voice neutral, trying to show Minghao his reaction wasn’t judgment, but worry. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

Minghao’s head dipped further. “You were already going through so much. With your dad, and… Soonyoung. I didn’t want to burden you.”

Jihoon sighed. “You’re not a burden. Ever.” 

Minghao tried to look up at him, but couldn’t without tears welling up in his eyes. “He says he’s stuck in a marriage he doesn’t want,” he said quietly. “He says he’s trapped. That he hasn’t been happy in years.”

“It’s not your job to rescue him,” Jihoon said softly.

“I know.” Minghao’s voice cracked. “But he says he loves me.”

“If he loved you, he wouldn’t use you like this. He would make a clean break and come to you.”

“He can’t,” Minghao whispered. “He has a two-year-old daughter.”

And just like that, Jihoon understood how far this had gone. How deeply Minghao had fallen. How desperately he was clinging to something he knew was going to hurt him. His stomach turned. How had he not seen it? How had he missed the signs? Just how lonely must Minghao be feeling to get involved in this?

“Minghao,” he reached out. “Hey—hey, come here.” He pulled him into a hug, arms wrapping tightly around his trembling shoulders. Minghao clung to him instantly, burying his face in Jihoon’s hoodie.

Jihoon couldn’t condone his actions. He couldn’t pretend the situation was anything but wrong. But right now, Minghao didn’t need judgment. He needed to be held. He needed his best friend’s warmth.

Minghao sobbed. “Please don’t hate me. Please don’t be disgusted.”

“I’m not,” Jihoon murmured into his hair. “Never. I’m here, okay? I’m here.”

He couldn’t see Minghao like this. He’s usually so headstrong, ready to put up a fight with the whole world, only to crumble in pieces over the man who had placed him at the bottom of his priority list. 

He closed his eyes, holding his friend tighter, guilt creeping up his spine. He had been so wrapped up in his own storms that he hadn’t seen how much the people around him were hurting. First Wonwoo, then Joshua, and now Minghao.

And Soonyoung…

Jihoon’s chest tightened. He had never even asked if Soonyoung was okay after losing his job. He’d been too hesitant, too afraid of overstepping. But that wasn’t good enough. Not anymore.

He had to do better.

Immediately after escorting Minghao home, he sent two texts. One was on their group chat, waking everyone on that trip that they were planning. No doubt, he received a surprised reply from Mingyu immediately. Jihoon usually does not initiate plans. He just goes along. Next came Seungkwan’s reply, suggesting a weekend getaway. They decided to meet over the weekend to discuss it first. That would be enough to have Minghao looking forward to something for the next weekend. He needs his people right now. He needs a break and to see how much he is loved. 

The other he sent to Soonyoung. 

Bandana Man  

Let’s meet this Saturday

Will that be alright?

He received a reply within minutes.

Bandana Man

Yes, sure. I’m free

Don’t forget to fill up on some new pick-up lines

I’m missing them lately

Alright

After a few minutes he received another message.

Bandana Man

I’m so tired

Jihoon thought this was a good opportunity to start the conversation about his work situation. He could ask Soonyoung how his days go lately. What is he planning now? It will sound natural.

Bandana Man

Oh, why tired?

Because you have been running through my head all day.

Jihoon blushed, speechless. 

Okay, maybe this isn’t the right time!

Finally, after some coordination, they decided to meet near Soonyoung’s neighborhood like the last time. Nothing was planned, not even a movie. Jihoon had gotten used to Soonyoung’s spontaneity by now. He saw it coming. And, this time, he was okay with it. He wasn’t freaking out, nor was he nervous. Soonyoung’s company was no more an effort, it was a routine, a comfort, something he looked forward to.

“Mr. Lost in their own thoughts, hurry up, we’ve got a staff meeting at 2.” Jeonghan snapped his fingers. The staff room was filled with everyone rushing to wrap up and gather in the meeting hall.

“Hyung, when did you come?”

Jeonghan wasn't there for the first half of the term. He had taken a half day. “Just now.” he rubbed the back of his neck to soothe the pain.

“Still trouble with the babysitter?” Jihoon asked. It's been easier talking with Jeonghan lately. He has let his walls down. He wasn’t being so careful anymore, he wasn't afraid of Jihoon’s judgement. And yet, never insisted that Jihoon now shared his life secrets with him too. He understood 

“Yeah, she quit on us. She's only been around for a month and this was our third babysitter so far.” 

The bitterness in Jeonghan’s tongue told a story he hadn’t unveiled. But, Jihoon understood somehow. Not everyone is accepting of the nature of Jeonghan and Seungcheol's family dynamics. 

“So, who’s looking after Hanyeol now?”

“Seungcheol ended up taking him to work.” Jeonghan said, hunched in his chair.

Jihoon realized now why he found Jeonghan so tired all the time. His usual lack of energy, his urgency to rush home, his impatience and sharp tongue, all made sense. They  were the signs of early parenting. 

But, this time it was different. There was something more than that. The frustration and the hint of sadness in his eyes was palpable. He carefully treaded the line, choosing his words correctly, “Is everything okay?” 

He didn’t expect Jeonghan to look at him with those sad eyes, ready to spill everything. 

“Everything is fine. I mean…I would never regret having Hanyeol. He is the most precious decision I ever took. I knew it wouldn’t be easy raising a kid.” Jeonghan looked down, voice small, “Especially for us.”

Jihoon understood what he meant. Queer couples are normally outcastes, judged, sometimes threatened, so they have to be careful, adding a kid in the mix makes it all the more dangerous. 

“Did you have a fight with…”, Jihoon wasn’t sure what his relationship Seungcheol was defined as yet, and he didn’t want to assume, “Seungcheol-shi?”

“Not exactly. Whose got time to fight?” Jeonghan laughed bitterly. “But, things have been rough, and I’m afraid it’s affecting our marriage . I wonder if adopting so soon was a wrong decision.”

So, they were married, even if not state recognized yet, Jihoon knew they meant every single vow they must have taken. 

“How long are you guys married?” 

“Three years.” Jeonghan answered fondly, reminiscing. 

“May I ask something?” Jihoon pushed.

Jeonghan rested his cheek on the table and nodded, their meeting long forgotten, the staff room relatively empty. 

“Did Seungcheol not want…?” 

Jeonghan looked at him confused, only for a while before he realized what Jihoon wanted to say. “No. No. When he laid eyes on Hanyeol, wrapped in the blanket in that orphanage, he told me he was ours. In fact, it's his name on the papers. But..”

“Then there is no need to worry, hyung. I believe what you are going through isn't that unique. Every couple has to go through it, adjusting to a new routine and life after a baby is tough. You both just need to spend some time together. How about this? I can look after Hanyeol on the weekend, you two can go on a date.” 

Jeonghan lit up, “Are you sure? I mean, I know you are good at dealing with babies but I don’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense, I am just finding an excuse to hang out with baby Hanyeollie.” Jihoon said, excited. 

When Jeonghan agreed to his offer, Jihoon suddenly realized that they were not just colleagues anymore. Jeonghan was confiding in Jihoon, he was sharing things he would only do with a friend. They were friends now. He also realized that he has not made a single new friend in his adulthood until now. 

“How about Saturday? We have to take Hanyeol to visit Seungcheol’s parents on Sunday.” Jeonghan asked and shit, Jihoon was screwed! He had a date with Soonyoung on the same day. But, he couldn’t back off now. Jeonghan was finally trusting him.

“Sure, I’ll be there.” He smiled nervously, internally thinking of ways to apologize to Soonyoung. He wanted to meet him, to spend some time with him. He wanted to talk to him about his future career plans, and how he was holding up overall. He wanted to comfort him and be there for him if he needed. It didn’t matter where they met, until they met. They just needed a place where they could talk.

That’s when an idea popped into his head. Soonyoung had told him on multiple occasions how much he loved babies, and how good he was around them. It was time to test him. “Hyung, would it be okay if I’m accompanied by a friend?”

“Just a friend?” Jeonghan raised his eyebrows and got his answer when Jihoon looked down, blushing. 

“Alright, just no hanky-panky in front of my kid and on my bed.” Jeonghan laughed.

“Hyung!” 

Jeonghan smiled softly. “Hey, thanks for the help. You know it means so much to me.”

“I’ll see you, Saturday.” Jihoon saluted, both ready to leave when they got interrupted by another colleague, Sowoon, a year older than Jeonghan, their senior by larger terms and experience; and from what Jihoon had observed, she was to Jeonghan what he was to Jihoon. Jeonghan respects her, takes every word with a grain of salt. It’s actually refreshing, like watching your teacher become a student. 

“You guys are making plans without me now?” She asked, looking at them suspiciously.

Jihoon wondered how much she knew about Jeonghan. He didn’t dare speak, just smiling and looking at him to answer. Better safe than sorry. Given Jeonghan’s personality, even if he was close to someone, it didn’t guarantee they knew about his personal life.

“I’ve invited Jihoon for dinner. He wanted my help planning the next term.” Jeonghan lied through his teeth. 

Jihoon was right to keep his mouth shut. He could see how Jeonghan's walls went up high, a glaze in his eyes with which he hid his reality. It was sad. 

And, he thought about it for the first time. That, if he built a life with Soonyoung, this was what he would end up as. It wasn’t going to be easy. But, there was still a while before it would be his problem. 

“You never invited me,” Sowoon pouted. “You know, we have known each other for two years and I have never been to his place.” She told Jihoon. 

Jihoon felt bad for her. She was clearly trying to get close to him, hurt that Jeonghan was so careful around her. She could definitely see that. 

“That’s because there never was a need for that. And, I’ve come to your place plenty of times when I needed help with my thesis. It’s the same. No need to be jealous, Sowoon-ie.” Jeonghan said endearingly, the nickname softened the blow a little. 

“Okay, let me know if you guys need any help.” Sowoon smiled, small, but convinced. 

“Did you need anything from here..” Jihoon trailed, wanting to change the subject desperately.

“Yes, thank you for reminding me. Everyone’s waiting for you guys. Let’s roll.” She said, before turning on her heels.

“Hyung, can I ask you something?” Jihoon asked Jeonghan on their way while walking through the empty hallway of the college.

“Yes?”

“How come you trusted me so easily when you haven’t even told Sowoon?”

Jeonghan looked at him with a knowing smile. “There is no fear from our kind.”

Jihoon was once again left flabbergasted by Jeonghan. He knew. He knew all along.

Which means, there was no surprise when he dropped by his front porch with Soonyoung. 

The door opened, Jeonghan’s eyes met Jihoon’s, then Soonyoung’s, and then at their interlaced fingers. 

For the first time ever, Soonyoung pulled back, too aware, too careful. Even someone like him wasn't free from fear and injustice. 

Jihoon grabbed his loosening hand, tightened it and smiled, “Hello, hyung.”

Soonyoung said his greetings too, worried, uncomfortable. 

Jeonghan let them in and out came Seungcheol, a sleeping baby and an empty bottle of milk in his hands. “Thank God you are early. Our reservation is in half an hour. We have to leave now if we want to catch that table.” He handed the baby to Jeonghan, straightening up his coat. 

Jihoon watched Soonyoung look at the two men, the baby in between them and he could see the exact moment the realization hit him—his shoulders relaxed, confused eyes replaced by understanding, pride and something like admiration. 

“Alright, we have already fed him so he won't wake for another two hours. But, once he does, feed him the food kept on the kitchen counter. We have recently started on mashed solids.” Jeonghan whispered while placing the sleeping baby in the cradle. 

Soonyoung rushed to take a closer look at Hanyeol, careful but excited. His eyes sparkled, lips curled in a wide smile. Who could blame him? 

“We are renovating his room. You can move him in ours if you want to watch TV ….or….” Jeonghan teased. 

Jihoon glared at him for which he only received a teasing smile. 

Soonyoung turned red so fast, Jihoon couldn’t help but laugh. In his mind he noted another side of Soonyoung he hadn't seen before. 

“Don’t pay attention to him.” Seungcheol came forward. He shook Soonyoung’s hand, “Hello, I am Seungcheol and this is my husband, Jeonghan. Thank you so much for coming to accompany Jihoon.”

“I’m glad I did. I got to meet this cute little munchkin.” Soonyoung jumped like an overexcited puppy, or that’s how Jihoon saw him. That’s how he will always see him.

“You are cute too, Soonyoung-shi.” Jeonghan wrapped an arm around his shoulder. 

Jihoon looked at him wide-eyed. The usual ‘I hate skinship and I will kill you if you look at me funny’ Jeonghan was giving Soonyoung starry eyes, clinging to him like a koala. From Seungcheol’s surprised reaction, Jihoon knew this wasn’t normal for him either.

One thing was clear, Soonyoung seems to have that effect on everyone. Jihoon wasn’t the only one. It made him feel a little better about himself. 

“You have a beautiful house.” Soonyoung said to Seungcheol, taken by the house’s infrastructure and interior. 

It was really magnificent. High reaching ceilings, white walls, golden colors, and marble tiles. Jihoon had only seen such houses in Chaebol dramas. But when he looked at it properly, he saw a home—baby toys scattered  everywhere, a messy kitchen, misplaced things. It wasn’t perfect, but it was! 

“Yeah, it’s really impressive.” He agreed with Soonyoung.

“Thanks guys, I’ve built it myself.” Seungcheol said, shy.

“Really?” Jihoon exclaimed. That’s why it felt so homely, it was made with love. Every brick, every color was well planned. 

“Yes, Seungcheol owns a construction company. Didn’t I tell you?” Jeonghan chimed in proudly.

Jihoon shook his head, still wrapping his head around the fact that if Jeonghan wanted, he could stay at home and never work in his life. They were filthy rich. “No, you definitely didn’t tell me!”

“It must have slipped my mind.” Jeonghan said. He then looked at Soonyoung. “What about you? What do you do?”

Jihoon felt his heart drop seeing the look on Soonyoung’s face. Gone was the confidence with which he told Jihoon he left his job. Between then and now, he must have heard many discouraging things. Eventually, they get to you, no matter how strong-willed you are.

“Nothing. I…” Soonyoung said in a small voice. He looked like he wanted to shrink every time someone asked him that question. 

“He’s a software engineer.” Jihoon interjected, grabbing Soonyoung’s hand discreetly.

“Really? That’s amazing. It has the most demand lately.” Seungcheol exclaimed.

“Yeah, but there are so many of us that it’s hard to get a job.” Soonyoung said sadly. “I had to leave my last one and I’m still looking for it.” His shoulders hung tiredly, a sigh leaving his body as he looked away. 

Jihoon wished he could keep him in bubble wrap and protect him from everything. Yes, he was in that phase now!

“Hey, you know what? You are literally god sent. I’ve been looking for someone experienced for IT support in my company. Us builders barely understand technology. How about you come visit me at the office?” Seungcheol quickly removed his card from the wallet and handed it to Soonyoung.

Jeonghan and Jihoon shared a look where the elder assured him to trust Seungcheol. And Jihoon found out that he really has started trusting the couple.

“That will be great. Thank you so much.” Soonyoung bowed, a bit flabbergasted at the way things turned around. 

Jihoon never left his hand, firm and encouraging.

“I guess we were all meant to meet.” Jeonghan said, leaning into Seungcheol.

Jihoon wondered how long they were together to know each other inside out like that. Their comfort was admirable, something Jihoon couldn’t help but crave to have with Soonyoung. 

Jeonghan took Soonyoung to show him around, and Jihoon was meant to follow them but he stayed behind to talk with Seungcheol.

“Thanks for helping Soonyoung out, Seungcheol-shi.”

“Oh, come on. Call me, hyung.” Seungcheol scolded him. “And I really need him more than he needs me, trust me.”

“If you say so, hyung .” Jihoon felt warm and safe with Jeonghan and Seungcheol. He wondered how nice it would be to have parents like them. Hanyeol was a really lucky kid. And they were going to be great parents.

Soonyoung and Jeonghan came minutes later. Soonyoung looked a bit shaken and Jeonghan smug.

Jihoon was dying to know what they talked about. “What did you do to him, hyung?” 

“Just mandatory ‘if you hurt him’, talk.” Jeonghan said.

“What? Hyung…”

“Relax, I was just showing him Hanyeol’s and your food in the kitchen. You guys will need to reheat the pasta though.” Jeonghan raised his hands.

“You cooked for us?” Jihoon asked, shocked. 

“He only knows to burn the food. I… cooked for you. That’s the least I could do. You guys are taking care of my kid.” Seungcheol stood beside Jeonghan, easily placing his hand on his waist. Jeonghan didn’t flinch, didn’t look over his shoulder, didn’t look scared. This was his home, his safe place and Seungcheol was what made it safe for him. 

Jihoon looked at the watch and realized that the couple was going to be late if they didn’t leave now. But, they looked like they didn’t want to leave, their legs not ready to move and leave their child. Their chain of instructions was never ending and he had to do something to kick them out now. He literally pushed them towards the door. “I think you guys should go now. Don’t worry, we will take good care of Hanyeol.” 

The two parents left the house reluctantly, instructing them till the very minute Jihoon closed the door on their faces.

Soonyoung crashed on the sofa, “They are really nice.”

Jihoon sighed, sitting next to him. “I’m so sorry about Jeonghan hyung. I didn't know he could be such a tease." He wasn't used to this side of Jeonghan either—funny, sarcastic, clingy and talkative. 

Soonyoung smiled fondly. He wrapped a hand around Jihoon’s shoulder. “It’s okay. It was nice talking to someone who didn’t judge me, or look down on me. That's all that I've experienced lately.” He leaned back, looking at the ceiling. 

Jihoon copied him, resting his head on Soonyoung’s arm. This was the closest they have ever gotten to each other. “Well, then it’s nice that you don’t have to deal with it anymore. I am sure Seungcheol hyung will be so impressed with you, he will hire you immediately.”

“I hope so.” Soonyoung crossed his fingers. Hope was there in his eyes. He was the kind of person who would never lack it. 

He held Jihoon’s hand gratefully. “Thanks for calling me. You literally saved my career and life.” 

“By doing nothing?” Jihoon raised his eyebrows, challenging. He wasn’t going to let Soonyoung think that he had anything to do with all this. “You were just lucky to be at the right place at the right time.”

“That I can’t deny. This really seems like the right time.” Soonyoung giggled, inching closer to Jihoon, until their noses brushed.

“For what?” Jihoon teased, but he didn’t pull back. 

They looked at each other, their eyes full of yearning, hands reaching for each other’s cheeks. Jihoon found himself making the first move, it was easy leaning into Soonyoung, joining their lips and falling into a rhythm. It was their first kiss, but it felt so practiced, so natural, like they always knew how to do it. Soonyoung’s fingers laced in Jihoon’s hair, then they reached his neck—down, down, down….

Jihoon was getting distracted, too focused on Soonyoung’s warm touch, until he felt out of breath, forced to pull back, heaving. Soonyoung looked at him with a tilted head and a smirk, his silver necklace dangling down his neck, shining and finally resting on his collar bone. Jihoon noticed that two of his shirt’s buttons were broken. Did he do that? How? When?

He reached for Soonyoung again, overcome, ready to wrap his leg around his thighs when….

Hanyeol’s cry broke them apart. They immediately plopped on the sofa surprised, flustered and avoiding looking at each other, going back to staring at the ceiling, hearts beating faster, breathing hard. 

Soonyoung burst into giggles first and Jihoon joined him.

Hanyeol hadn’t stopped sniffling in his cradle.

“One of us should go pick him up.” Soonyoung said.

Jihoon nodded, forcing himself to lift up. “I’ll get him. You get the baby food.” He instructed and they both fell in action. 

After that, they moved around each other like a dance. Soonyoung knew how to keep Hanyeol entertained, coming up with new gestures, new games, new methods. He seems to never run out of energy. And, he never looked annoyed, no matter how fussy Hanyeol got. He was telling the truth. He was really great around kids. 

Jihoon was content doing the labour work, feeding, changing diapers, clothes and so on. He had enough experience and practice of it. He knew how to take care of children, but keeping them entertained wasn’t his cup of tea. 

Finally, after a few hours, Hanyeol fell into another nap and they found some reprise. They decided to move him to Jeonghan’s room, with the baby monitor turned on. Jihoon went to reheat their lunch and Soonyoung started picking up the toys. 

When he came back, he found Soonyoung on the sofa, head tossed back and eyes shut. His mouth was a little open, just like a baby.

Jihoon quietly took a picture. He saved it into a special folder, giggling to himself. He would find himself staring at it multiple times later, giggling and kicking his feet—Every. Single. Time.

Chapter Text

It was finally the weekend again. The week had flown by with Jihoon buried in work and his newly started PhD lessons. His desk was already drowning in papers to read and assignments to write, yet here he was, walking the aisles of an almost empty convenience store, basket growing heavier by the second with shrimp crackers, honey butter chips, cheeselings, dried squid, ramen packets, and anything else that caught his eye. Beside him, Minghao’s arms were stacked with bottles of soju and beer, clinking softly as he walked.

Jihoon had invited the group over to his house this time. A trip outside the city was a nice thought, but with everyone’s mismatched schedules, it was becoming impossible. Maybe someday, (at this point, it looks like when they were all old and retired), they’d make it happen. For now, this was enough.

The timing was perfect too. His parents and Chan had gone to Wonwoo’s for the weekend, giving him the house to himself. He’d told them he needed time to catch up on work. But work be damned, he needed to catch up with his friends first. It felt like ages since they’d last sat down together properly. 

Part of it was for Minghao, too. He hoped that if Minghao opened up to the others, if he let them in, maybe someone could convince him to step away from that twisted relationship. He knew it wouldn’t be that easy. The dependency that he had on that guy, the trust, the empathy, it was toxic.

Jihoon wanted to be patient, to be supportive. But if he ever came face to face with the man who had pulled Minghao into this mess, he wasn’t sure he could stop himself from throwing a punch.

Which he clearly manifested when he saw Minghao at the cash counter, standing stiff beside a stranger. He looked white, a little horrified, and a lot scared. 

Thinking that his friend was in danger, Jihoon leapt in front of them, placing a hand over his shoulder, “Hey, all good?”

Minghao looked livid at the sight of Jihoon. He nodded slowly. “Yeah, Jihoon, this is Junhui. My boss.” 

The look he gave Jihoon said what his words didn’t: This is him.

Jihoon looked at the man, Junhui, with a great distaste, scanning him to the bone. 

Junhui was tall, broad-shouldered, and handsome. His suit was pressed, expensive, though his tie was loosened as if he’d been tugging at it all day. He had clutched a pack of cigarettes in one hand and diapers in the other.

He was going to go back home to his wife, to his kid, pretending that Minghao doesn’t exist. Jihoon remembered Minghao’s silent sobs, his helplessness, his pain. Anger rose in his chest. He was glad of the basket in his hands, stopping him from balling up his fist. 

The white lights flickered above their heads, a storm rising outside. The clerk behind the counter was oblivious of the thick air, tapping at the register. Jihoon wanted Junhui to feel the weight of his stare, to know that Minghao wasn’t alone, that someone was watching his back.

Junhui set the cigarettes on the counter, then extended a hand. His voice was calm, measured. “Hello, Jihoon-shi. I’ve heard about you from Minghao.” 

He easily put the truth on the table. Jihoon was impressed by his bravery, but it could also be his arrogance. Maybe, that’s how insignificant Minghao was to him, that he didn’t mind the truth being unveiled. After all, Minghao would be the one facing the most scrutiny, being called the homewrecker. 

Jihoon clasped Junhui’s palm in a firm handshake. “I have heard about you too…quite a lot.” He wanted him to shrink with guilt.

But Junhui didn’t. Instead, his eyes turned to Minghao, seeking reassurance. They were seeking and vulnerable. And worse than that, they were full of love.

Jihoon’s grip faltered. Love was the last thing he wanted to see in his eyes. 

Minghao stepped in, voice gentler than Jihoon expected. “Ran out of diapers again?”

Junhui let out a tired laugh, a smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah. I should really start keeping a chart for those.”

“Or you could ask your wife to—” Minghao started. He didn’t care that Jihoon stood right there. He never really cares to speak his mind out loud. 

But, Junhui definitely does. He flinched, nervously looking at Jihoon, and gave Minghao  a sad smile. “You know how it is.”

Jihoon studied him properly. The dark circles etched under his eyes, the slump of his shoulders, the exhaustion heavy in his posture. He looked…worn down. Not arrogant. Not triumphant. Just trapped. This wasn’t the face of a man playing games. This was the face of someone suffocating.

He remembered Minghao’s excuses about Junhui’s marriage: the wife who drained his bank account with her luxury lifestyle, the child left to neighbors until Junhui returned home from work, the eight years of suffocation in a loveless relationship he couldn’t escape. He was clinging to it for one reason only: his daughter. The fear of losing her outweighed everything else.

That’s the kind of man Jihoon was trying to hate. He wanted to hold onto his anger, but seeing the truth up close, it was harder than he thought.

“How’s Junhao now?” Minghao asked gently, shifting the weight of the bottles in his arms. It seemed like he wanted to reach out, but with respect to Jihoon, he held back.

Junhui’s face softened, lighting up in a way Jihoon hadn’t expected. “Much better. Already running around the house like nothing ever happened. And your honey-turmeric trick really helped with the coughing. Thank you.”

The smile between them was warm, too warm. Jihoon felt like he was intruding on something private.

The woman at the reception coughed, gathering Junhui’s attention. He paid for his things and turned to Jihoon before leaving. “It’s nice to meet someone who cares for Minghao so much. You’re a good friend, Jihoon-shi.”

Jihoon swallowed hard, forcing a polite nod. 

“I’ll see you on Monday. Have a good weekend.” He then said to Minghao. 

“You too.” Minghao chuckled, shaking his head at something unspoken between them. Both of them laughed, easy and unguarded.

 Jihoon watched how in sync they were, how they understood each other’s unspoken words and probably completed each other’s thoughts. He watched, unsettled, as Junhui looked at Minghao the way Jihoon himself looked at Soonyoung.

The automatic doors slid shut behind Junhui, and silence settled. Minghao turned to Jihoon, wary and scared.  “So… what do you think now?”

Jihoon exhaled slowly, the fight draining from him. “I understand,” he admitted. “But I still don’t think you should be a part of this mess.”

Minghao’s face fell, his shoulders sagging. He hadn’t expected anything different from Jihoon, but that didn’t make the words sting any less. But Jihoon owed him the truth, and only the truth. 

Jihoon’s bond with Minghao was unlike any other connection he had. It was the one relationship where he wasn’t the quiet, reserved one. With Minghao, he was talkative, animated, sometimes even playful. It was usually his job to fill silences, updating, ranting, asking questions, sharing every tiny detail of his day. Their conversations never felt forced; even if they saw each other every day, there was always something to talk about.

So the silence between them now felt awkward. They walked side by side, neither eager to break it.

Jihoon caught the shift first. He heard Minghao draw in a breath, preparing to ease the tension. “So…” he glanced at Jihoon with a half-smile, trying to nudge the mood toward normalcy. “How’s everything with Soonyoung? That date at Jeonghan’s place, did it actually happen?”

Jihoon’s lips twitched before a soft chuckle escaped him. “We hung out, talked, ate way too much food. That’s as far as it went.”

His cheeks colored as the memory of their awkward, stolen kiss on Jeonghan’s couch flashed before him.

Minghao grinned, his eyes lighting up with mischief. “Doesn’t sound that complicated anymore, does it?”

The ease returned instantly, as if they’d never stumbled.

Jihoon laughed softly. “Yeah,  it’s not complicated. That’s the complicated part.”

He left it at that, unwilling to spell out his insecurities. Minghao knew him too well to need elaboration.

“You like him though?” Minghao asked with a teasing glint.

Jihoon hesitated for only a moment before nodding. His smile lingered longer than he expected. “I do.”

By the time they reached Jihoon’s door, the tension from earlier had melted away, as though it had never been.

Inside, they met with chaos. There were backpacks abandoned at a corner, cushions and pillows from Jihoon’s room scattered across the floor, cereal boxes open on the carpet. His friends had all sprawled on the floor, occupying their comfortable seats in front of the television.  Seungkwan was arguing with Mingyu over what kind of music to set up, and Vernon lay sprawled beside them, exasperated. “Finally!” He sighed when he saw them enter, clearly tired of the lovey-dovey couple.

Mingyu sneered, “You guys took forever. I’m starving.”

“I am literally in the middle of ordering the pizza. Will you please have some patience?” Seungkwan scowled, asking Jihoon for his address.

Jihoon bit his lip, regretting handing the keys to Mingyu. But this was better. They wouldn’t have to stand awkwardly outside while neighbors whispered and gossiped. His parents thought that Minghao was the only one coming over, keeping him company for the night.

“What did you bring?” Vernon slurred as always, his eyes already looked high, hunger the biggest give away.

“Everything,” Jihoon replied, dumping bags of chips and other snacks onto the floor. Minghao set bottles of soju and beer neatly in the center.

Jihoon pulled out the good glasses (ones his parents rarely touched), and handed them around. Mingyu, being the professional bartender, began mixing drinks while the others eased into the room’s carefree energy.

Tired of Seungkwan and Mingyu’s never-ending banter, Jihoon queued up music, letting mellow beats spill through the speakers. Minghao dimmed the lights, giving the room a soft glow. Seungkwan tore open pizza boxes with dramatic flair, while Vernon hunched over a bowl, preparing his next hit.

Jihoon felt a surge of excitement. He hadn’t touched alcohol in months, and couldn’t wait to lose his conscience. 

But Vernon, king of indulgence, had some other plans. He offered him his first ever bud. 

Jihoon’s eyes immediately whipped towards Mingyu. The last time he tried to smoke, he received a severe scolding from Mingyu. For some reason, he needed Mingyu to know that he was aware of the decisions he was making. That this wasn’t just another desperate attempt at finding disconnection. This time his intentions were not of self-harming. In fact, he was doing it to connect, to have some fun, for his own indulgence..

Mingyu smiled, helping him by showing how to do it right. After a few practiced breaths, Jihoon drew the smoke in. His nerves softened instantly, the world loosening its grip on his shoulders. The tension in his veins, the frowns that never really disappear from his forehead, the everlasting heaviness in his heart all melted away as he exhaled. They shared it in a circle, smoke filling the house. 

As the night deepened, glasses passed from hand to hand, snacks dwindled, and the group sprawled comfortably wherever they pleased. Seungkwan, the only sober as always, kept watch like a responsible officer but occasionally cringed when smoke drifted his way.

“I think you guys should pace yourselves,” he warned, grabbing a second bud from Mingyu, who whined like an eager puppy.

“We’re not even drunk yet,” Jihoon protested, frustrated by his own tolerance. The haze hadn’t hit, and the barrier between him and bliss seemed insurmountable.

“Are you sure about that?” Vernon asked, pointing at Minghao and Mingyu. 

Minghao had gone quiet as he always does after drinking. He leaned on the cupboard nearby, nodding off. 

Mingyu was the complete opposite. Jihoon had warned him to keep his voice down about thrice so far. He gets too hyper and loud when he is drunk, and refuses to acknowledge it. 

“I’m not that far gone.” He shouted when he noticed Vernon pointing at him. 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes, filling his glass with plain water when he wasn’t paying attention. 

Both Vernon and Jihoon started laughing louder, waking Minghao up. But, soon the laughter died and Vernon looked at everyone with a different kind of glaze. His eyes looked sad, like he was savoring every moment.

“What’s wrong?” He shifted towards him, resting his head on his shoulder.

“I..” Vernon whispered. “I am going back to the sea in a week.” He said, louder this time.

“Already?” Minghao asked. Seungkwan was in the middle of filling his glass with water as well, but Minghao was smarter than Mingyu. He caught on, swatting his hand away offensively.

Vernon has been doing this for three years, but that didn’t mean it became any easier to say goodbye. 

“For how long?” Seungkwan asked.

“Six months.”

At this, Mingyu and Seungkwan shared a relieved look. Mingyu seemed like he was calculating something in his head.

“Thank goodness,” Seungkwan finally said.

“Excuse me?” Vernon asked.

They all looked at the couple in confusion.

“It means you’ll be back in November, right?” Mingyu asked, smiling mischievously.

“Perfect timing.” Seungkwan giggled. 

“Perfect timing? For what? What’s in November?” Jihoon asked, trying to remember if any of them had birthdays in that month. But, they didn’t 

Mingyu’s lips also curled into a sly smile, as though he were savoring the suspense. He held the moment like a magician about to reveal a trick.

“Oh, come on, spill it already,” Minghao urged, leaning forward eagerly.

With a dramatic flourish, Seungkwan raised a finger adorned with a diamond-studded platinum ring.

The room exploded.

Minghao practically jumped at the sight, drowsiness long gone. Jihoon’s eyes locked on Mingyu, his friend’s eyes glistening with tears. Vernon choked on his drink, coughing violently.

The congratulations barely began before questions came pouring in.

“Who asked?”

“When?”

“And when’s the wedding?”

“Guys, let’s give them a chance to speak.” Jihoon stopped everyone. He wasn’t feeling drunk at all. 

Seungkwan chuckled, starting to answer the questions. “Remember when I took him away on his birthday?”

“Yeah, he took me back to our school’s ground and proposed to me there.” Mingyu said, fondly remembering the memory, circling the platinum ring in his finger.

“That was a month ago. You guys hid it from us for a month?” Minghao exclaimed, his smile unwavering.

“Yeah, we were waiting for the right time, to reveal it in person. And we were all so busy. We didn’t meet.” Seungkwan nodded.

“Your parents?” Jihoon asked quietly. He wondered how his own parents would react if he got engaged to a man. They would probably kick him out of the house the very next second.

“They know. You guys know they already knew about us. I mean, my mom helped me pick up the ring, and I asked his parents' permission before proposing. I wanted to do it all traditionally.”

Once all their questions were answered, there was another round of congratulations and cheers. Jihoon finally jumped up, “We need champagne. Tonight is all about celebrating Mingyu and Seungkwan.”

Mingyu and Jihoon were chosen to bring the champagne. It was three at night, and they would hardly find any wine shops open. But, Mingyu had connections and a bike. Jihoon chose to accompany him because Seungkwan had to stay behind to make sure Minghao and Vernon didn't burn his house down. They were drunk and high, and the most unpredictable drinkers. 

Drinking and driving was an offense, but they were only planning to drive around the corner. Mingyu was already sober enough from all that water Seungkwan had fed him. While he found a shop, distributing alcohol through the shutter, Jihoon stayed outside on the lookout.

They were full of adrenaline rush when they escaped on the scooter, the strong and cold night wind hitting their faces. 

On their way back, Jihoon decided to speak with Mingyu.

“You guys are sure about this right? It’s not going to be easy. Even if your parents are supportive, the rest of the world might not be that kind.” He said.

“Way to be a mood-killer, Jihoon-ah.” Mingyu chuckled, but answered him nevertheless. “We have thought about this long and hard. He’s the only person I have ever loved. We’ve been together since practically childhood. He is the only one for me. I have never known how to live without him in my life. So, how can I not spend the rest of my life with him? The world be damned.”

“The world be damned.” Jihoon repeated proudly.

Mingyu and Seungkwan were the first ones among them to get married. It was hitting all of them slowly that they were all growing fast. It felt like yesterday when they were bunking classes, lying to their parents and parading throughout the town. They were so silly, carefree and happy back then. Adulting has complicated all their lives. But, here they were, still the same, still chasing their own happiness and doing right by themselves, or in Jihoon's case, at least trying to.

Chapter Text

“You want the egg in yours too, right?” Jihoon whispered, opening the fridge, using its light for guidance through the dark kitchen, trying to be as quiet as possible. His parents were still asleep in their room, and waking them wouldn't favour them much. 

“Yes, of course,” Chan grinned. He was on the living room sofa, obediently waiting for Jihoon to make ramen. 

It was three in the morning (or night, as Jihoon would prefer to say), they were both wide awake and restless, for very different reasons, which naturally resulted in a midnight craving for ramen and coffee. 

Chan was worried about the assignment he had to submit the next day, which he hadn’t even begun writing until after dinner. In his defence, Jihoon bribed him to go to Wonwoo's over the weekend with their parents, so it was his duty to help him out. 

But Jihoon was distracted, so he wasn't sure how much of a real help he was. He had something else on his mind, someone specifically. Soonyoung had to go to Seungcheol’s office for the interview, and he hadn't replied to any of Jihoon's messages since the evening. There was a nervous pit in Jihoon's stomach. Soonyoung must be really anxious. He never disappears on him like that. They would always message each other of their whereabouts, sharing silly pictures and random thoughts throughout the day. Soonyoung, particularly, never misses their nightly chats, when they have the more meaningful and deep conversations, falling in comfort and love gradually. 

Jihoon had made up his mind to call him in the morning, as soon as it was an appropriate time to call. It was so new for him, worrying about someone else, thinking about them, making them such a huge part of his life. Except for his family and close friends, he has never thought about anyone so much before.

“Hyung, Mom was asking me if you’ve got a girlfriend,” Chan said quietly, scarfing down the hot noodles to avoid eye contact. 

“What did you say?” Jihoon tried to act nonchalant, all strong and sure. But in reality, it broke his heart just a little bit every time someone asked him that. 

“As usual. That I don’t know and that she should ask you.” Chan answered.

Jihoon wasn’t sure what came over him. He doesn’t usually share his love life with his brother, mostly because somewhere he is always sure no one would last. But something in his heart told him this was the right time to tell him about Soonyoung. “Do you remember Soonyoung, Seokmin’s friend? We met on the beach?” he asked.

“Yeah, you guys knew each other, right? You went on a date with him once?” Chan’s tone showed that he already knew where this was going. He is observant like that.

“Yes. We are dating…um, like seriously, very seriously.” Jihoon finally met Chan’s eyes. They were calm, no trace of surprise.

“Oh,” Chan said, then frowned. “Is he good to you?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon replied, surprised at how sure he sounded, and then smiled. “Yeah, he is.”

“Then that’s good. Don’t worry about our parents. They can’t force you to do anything.” He said, sounding so old, so strong, so sure.

Jihoon almost choked hearing the big words coming from his baby. His eyes softened and he nodded. But it was never about force when it came to their parents. It was Jihoon’s guilty conscience about disappointing them, about not being able to tell them the truth, about being a coward. 

He went for a hug as always, but froze when Chan didn't fight or pull away, embracing him whole and making him feel like the luckiest elder sibling in the world. They have very rare moments like this. That’s how siblings work mostly; they never need words for the other to understand what’s going on in their minds. Words make things weird, words make things too official.

Once Chan had moved on (which he did very fast for Jihoon's liking), Jihoon sighed and then got to cleaning up their dishes. That’s when his phone pinged, a different notification than usual, especially kept for Soonyoung’s message.

Bandana Man

Hey, are you up?

Yeah, helping Chan with his assignment

I thought you said that's against your ethics as a teacher

I owed him one

What are you doing up so late?

You have to go early in the morning!

Can’t sleep

Too nervous

Don’t be

You are going to get that job

Easily

Soonyoung gave Jihoon a finger’s finger-crossed emoji, and they continued to talk for the next hour until Soonyoung felt sleepy.

Bandana Man

You should get some sleep

Let me know how the interview went

Thanks

You really know how to calm me down

This time, Jihoon didn’t hesitate to send him a big red heart. This time, he was sure to give it away.

Things weren’t any better the next day. Jihoon couldn’t concentrate on anything, so nervous as if he was the one going for the interview. Jeonghan understood the reason for his restlessness, and after reassuring him that Seungcheol was already impressed by Soonyoung and the interview was just a formality, he resorted to teasing at every chance he got.

Still, Jihoon kept checking his phone during lunch. The interview would be over, he should be getting Soonyoung’s call by now, but it was static. He couldn't even finish his tiffin, too anxious to eat. 

That’s when Jeonghan announced, “You love him, don't you?” Of course, he came to that conclusion before Jihoon could.

Jihoon literally sputtered his food, “Hyung! Stop saying stuff like that. It scares me.”

“Stuff like what?” Jeonghan asked innocently, batting his eyelashes.

Jihoon had never blushed in front of anyone as much as Jeonghan. He always pushes the right buttons, catching him off guard.

“You aren't denying it, though.” Jeonghan laughed.

“I’m gonna walk away now.” Jihoon got up, not ready to engage in the conversation, not ready to think so far. He likes to take it one step at a time, avoiding his overwhelming feelings as much as he can. 

Jeonghan’s words still lingered in his ears during his class. He was supervising a practical session. The students were performing their experiment, so he was only monitoring from afar, lost in his thoughts. Did he really love Soonyoung? Did he even know what it felt like to love? To be loved? Was he even capable of it? Was he thinking too much about it? Was it too soon?

It took him by surprise when his phone rang. His phone is almost always silent, for which he gets scolded by all of his family. It's a work hazard. But his mind must have been too messy to remember to do it in the morning. 

It was Soonyoung! He quickly rejected the call, apologising to a few students who looked up, and went for the text instead. 

Bandana Man

I’m in the lab

Can’t talk on the call

How did it go?

What time are you leaving home?

Around 5

Why?

Hello?

Did you get it?

Soonyoung never replied to his messages, leaving him wondering if everything was okay. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Hyung, can you please ask Seungcheol hyung what happened?” He asked Jeonghan desperately. 

“I can, but I don’t think Soonyoung would like that.” Jeonghan smiled, the same calm and assuring Yoon Jeonghan smile that Jihoon usually admires, but was hating this time. 

Before Jihoon could persuade him further, he got another text from Soonyoung.

Bandana Man

Hey, you done?

Yes, about to leave

What happened?

I’m waiting outside

Hurry

JIhoon looked up at Jeonghan, smiling widely, eyes still full of shock and without a word, stuffed his bag and ran out. 

Soonyoung was standing out, leaning against his car, eyes covered by the black sunglasses, wearing a white shirt, blue tie and formal pants. Two things immediately popped in Jihoon's head: He had never seen Soonyoung in a tie, and why had Jihoon never seen Soonyoung in a tie?

The minute Soonyoung spotted him, he removed his glasses, revealing a set of sparkling, proud eyes.

Jihoon sighed with relief. “Hi,” He said, wanting to hug Soonyoung tight, but he held back. He was too aware of the students watching their exchange, all the people around them. For a brief second, he remembered Jeonghan's behaviour when Seungcheol visited, and he definitely understood how vulnerable he must have felt in that moment.

“Hello, you are speaking to the Vice President of the IT department of Jeongcheol enterprise.” Soonyoung beamed, showing Jihoon his offer letter. “I came straight to tell you. I wanted you to know first.” He said. 

Oh, Jihoon could kiss him right now. He already misses Soonyoung’s lips, but for now, shaking his hand would suffice. “Congratulations. I knew you could easily get it.”

“Thanks.” Soonyoung rubbed his head, still smiling. He must have expected a hug; he almost leaned into JIhoon but tried to pretend he wasn’t. 

It was awkward and embarrassing, and Jihoon didn’t want him to misunderstand. “Now let’s get out of here as fast as possible so that I can properly congratulate you.” He whispered in his ear. 

“You’re seducing me.” Soonyoung laughed. “I am seduced.”

“Shut up, perv.” Jihoon giggled, sitting on his usual spot beside the driver’s seat.

They were at Soonyoung’s flat in the blink of an eye. The drive down there was a blur with Jihoon thrumming with excitement of seeing Soonyoung’s house for the first time and being in Soonyoung’s house alone for the first time. 

By the time Soonyoung had given him the tour of his humble apartment, Jihoon was eyeing him hungrily. Once their hands were attached, it escalated into throwing Soonyoung over the couch and grabbing his tie. Finally, Soonyoung kissed him. He kissed him hard, and fast and long. 

Jihoon’s lips were tingly, red and yet still moving. He has always been a sexual being. Under his shy and modest facade was someone thirsty for a touch, always craving warmth. He finally started unbuttoning Soonyoung’s shirt, sitting on his lap, body shuddering. 

Soonyoung wasn’t any better. His hands moved under JIhoon’s T-shirt, grabbing his torso. Jihoon started developing goosebumps, involuntarily pulling away from his feather touches. Soonyoung’s eyes grew wide, and a mischievous twinkle filled them. JIhoon was ticklish! He wasted no time poking and gently scratching Jihoon’s stomach, loving the way Jihoon lost control, his body betraying him as giggles started falling past his lips. His loud laughter filled the house in its echo, filling it with something that Soonyoung had finally understood it was missing. 

Amidst the chaos, they didn’t hear the jingle of the keys, the click of the lock, and by the time they realised what was happening, the door was wide ajar. Minkhyung was standing over them, her eyes wide and cheeks turning pink as she saw their state: JIhoon pinned under Soonyoung, on the sofa, his shirt above his chest, Soonyoung’s hands under it.

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t know you were coming home so soon.” She fumbled with her coat, avoiding their eyes; her hands were full of grocery bags, probably for the bakery. 

They stumbled up, holding each other’s hands for support. Jihoon straightened his shirt, catching his breath, and Soonyoung faced his sister, “Noona, I…we….” He just made things ten times worse, so JIhoon just hung his head down.

The silence broke with Minkhyung’s laughter, and they nervously joined her, still just as nervous.

“It was about time I caught you two together.” She smiled, walking into the kitchen. “Now, come here and help me with the bags.”

And just like that, the awkwardness was gone. Just so easily, Minkhyung displayed her acceptance, her impenetrable support, her love. If only Jihoon could become just half as much as an elder sibling as her. He admired her before, but now, he looked up to her; he found her extremely dependable and warm. And so, he was afraid he had made a fool out of himself. He was afraid she wouldn’t deem him worthy of her brother. He wasn’t ready for this. It was too fast, too soon. Now he understands how Soonyoung must have felt that day on the beach.

“You guys had lunch?” she asked, washing some tomatoes under the sink.

“No, I didn’t. What about you, Jihoon?” Soonyoung was loading up the refrigerator, seeming to know exactly where everything belonged. Jihoon never thought him to be so systematic and clean, but now he was feeling ashamed remembering his messy cupboard.

Jihoon should have lied and said yes, but standing in the kitchen, watching all the fruits and smelling the leftover gravy in the air made his stomach grumble. “No, I was too nervous about the interview,” he admitted shyly, receiving a surprised but touched look from Soonyoung.

“Right, yes, how did it go?” She giggled and asked Soonyoung, excited, completely sure of Soonyoung’s capabilities.

“Good, I got it,” Soonyoung answered nonchalantly, trying to avoid her gaze. 

“Good. Congratulations! Now, I’ll whip up my infamous pasta. How about you two get settled down on the sofa?” Minkhyung offered. It seemed like she knew Soonyoung didn’t want to make a fuss about it.

Jihoon noticed there was some guilt in Soonyoung, probably of losing his last job, which prevented him from celebrating this achievement too much. 

“You share the apartment?” he asked Soonyoung. He thought he lived there alone. How did he not notice all the women’s clothes in the laundry basket, another whole room that Soonyoung didn’t show him, or the pair of shoes and heels in their shared shoe-rack? In his defence, he was too busy trying to get that bloody tie off Soonyoung’s neck. 

“Yeah, it’s actually hers. I used to live with my parents until recently. But Noona’s very busy with the bakery, and she needed help. It’s also better for me, I’d have to travel less now that I’m working here.. I’m planning to pay the rent with my services for the bakery,” Soonyoung answered embarrassingly. 

“Oh,” Jihoon fidgeted, looking around, and Soonyoung must have noticed because he grabbed his hands. “Relax. You’re okay. She loves you,” he said, assuring.

“She would have loved me if she hadn’t seen me under her brother,” Jihoon muttered under his breath.

“Wha?” Whether Soonyoung actually didn’t hear or was pretending to, Jihoon didn’t care. He didn’t repeat himself, hitting his arm. “Should we help her out?”

“Can you cook?” Soonyoung asked.

“Yes.”

“Then you can. I might just burn down the kitchen.” Soonyoung spread out, browsing for a movie.

Jihoon shook his head and moved to the kitchen, nervous to be alone with Minkhyung, definitely intimidated. When he went to the kitchen, he found her humming to herself, smiling widely when she saw him. “You want something?”

“No, I thought I’d help. That’s the least I can do,” Jihoon said, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans.

“Sure, come here, cut up these tomatoes in half. I’ll check on the pasta.” She moved, handing Jihoon the knife. Jihoon was grateful for having something to do; he decided to quietly concentrate on the job, but Minkhyung was in a mood for a chat.

“I wanted to thank you,” she said.

“Thank me? For what?”

“For helping Soonyoung get the job.” She smiled. “He really needed it.”

Her eyes shut the same way Soonyoung’s did when he smiled. Jihoon was still not used to how similar they were. “That was all his doing. I just took him to the right place at the right time.”

“Still, everything good is happening to him ever since you came into his life. He’s been having a really rough time lately. Despite his demeanour, Soonyoung is a bit of a perfectionist. He’s always been a hard worker, but he would work until he’d burn out. It was like he was punishing himself, never feeling fulfilled. Lately, he seems happy, relaxed.” She said, looking at Soonyoung on the sofa.

Every time Jihoon thought he had figured Soonyoung out, he would learn something unexpected about him. “Trust me, he’s done much more for me. I guess we are just good for each other.”

Soonyoung had made Jihoon hope again. He had given him the strength to look ahead into the future, to take control of his own life, to fight for what he wants.

Minkhyung didn’t say much after that. They fell into a comfortable silence, flawlessly harmonised. Jihoon was noting down her one-pot pasta recipe, knowing it was a comfort in a bowl. The smell of its deliciousness finally lured Soonyoung into the kitchen.

He dipped his pinky into the sauce to taste. “Yum.”

Minkhyung swatted his hand, asking him to stir it while she went to set the table. Now that it was just the two of them in the kitchen, Jihoon allowed himself to fantasise about a life with Soonyoung. Would it be like Jeonghan and Seungcheol, where they would make their own version of a paradise, where they could be themselves, where there would be no judgment, no mockery, no hate? Just love!

Yes, maybe Jihoon was in love with Soonyoung.

The lunch with Minkhyung and Soonyoung was full of embarrassing stories and laughter. Jihoon had teamed up with Minkhyung to tease Soonyoung until his ears turned red. It was warm, welcoming, judgment-free, and meaningful. He imagines that’s how their every meal went about. 

Jihoon would think about that lunch all the way until dinner, when he would be sitting with his stoic family in suffocating silence and fear. There would be the usual noise of the television, the clank of utensils, the comforting smell of the delicious and elaborate meal that his mother must have spent the entire evening cooking, and the constant lump in Jihoon’s throat that wouldn’t allow him to enjoy any of that.

His father was the first to speak. “Send me the prints of the portraits you took.”

JIhoon froze. He knew why he wanted them. He knew he’d be asked to go on another date soon. He wanted to say, 'Enough, leave me alone. ' But all that left his mouth was a small, hesitant, “Okay.”

He wanted to end the conversation and go back to his rice. But his father had no intention of stopping just there. “All my colleagues’ children are getting married. You aren’t that young anymore. You should take it seriously. Settle down with some nice…girl.”

Jihoon’s stomach lurched. He didn’t reply, nor did he nod. His mind immediately pictured Soonyoung. How could he even begin to explain? How could he say the person who mattered most wasn’t a “nice girl” at all?

He looked at Chan, who gave him an understanding look. Engaging in any conversation with his father had never worked for Jihoon, so he hurriedly finished his food and started doing the dishes that were already lying in the sink. He remembered his quiet and domestic moment in Soonyoung’s kitchen and how liberated he felt at the lunch table. A smile lingered on his lips, and before he knew what he was doing, he was texting Soonyoung.

Bandana Man

There’s a big problem

What’s wrong

Are you okay?

I’m not okay

I’m fucked

Why?

Because I’ve fallen in love with you

Chapter Text

Jihoon had told Soonyoung that he loved him. It wasn’t something you said over text. He hadn’t even been drunk, so why the hell did he think it was a good idea?!

With the moon hanging high, eyes half-lidded, already drifting toward dreamland, the weight of what he’d done didn’t properly sink in until morning. It hit him in the shower, twelve hours had passed, and Soonyoung hadn’t replied, not even his usual “Good morning,” or “Joke of the day.”

He tried his best to stay positive, not to spiral. But by afternoon, panic had clawed its way up his throat. Helpless, he turned to the only person who could calm him at that moment.

He took a long breath, staring at the wet green grass swaying with the wind, feeling the cold breeze kiss his overheated face. It was such a relief after the gym. He isn’t fond of the environment there, especially without Minghao; he puts in his earphones, tries to get through the workout, and gets out as fast as possible. He can push himself to be there, but he doesn't think he will ever get comfortable. Thank God for Minghao accompanying him; otherwise, he would have quit even before he began. 

Minghao sat beside him, legs folded, observing some little kids playing at the side of the park. They were always busy lately, usually rushing home after workouts, so even this small break felt special.

“What if I’ve freaked him out? What if he never speaks to me again?” Jihoon finally blurted after explaining what he had done.

“Do you think he’s the kind of person who’d do that?” Minghao asked as if the answer was obvious.

“I mean… he’s already run away once.” Jihoon gave a dry laugh. But the truth of that joke stabbed him unexpectedly. He’d found someone after such a long, lonely journey. He didn’t know if he could survive losing Soonyoung after confessing his feelings. It’s something very difficult for him, usually, but it came out naturally for Soonyoung. 

“Call him,” Minghao said, always the practical.

The thought terrified him, but he wasn’t the old Jihoon anymore. He had worked so hard to change. Now, he doesn’t disappear until loneliness was all he had left. He doesn’t run from love. 

So, he called Soonyoung, not thinking of what he must say, of how the conversation would unfold, of how he would even begin explaining himself. But it was unnecessary. It went straight to voicemail. That was his breaking point.

“This is it. I ruined it. I rushed. I dove headfirst as I do with everything, and of course, I destroyed everything.” Jihoon groaned, covering his face.

“Oh, please. He must still be working. You said he’d be busy today. It was his first day at the new office.” Minghao tried to soothe him, but even his tone carried pity, and Jihoon didn’t want that. He wanted assurance, the kind Joshua, Mingyu, or even Jeonghan would offer. He should’ve called them, not Minghao, the king of brutal honesty.

He was about to sink into dark, deep despair, ready to blame himself for destroying something so precious. But he wouldn’t allow himself to do that. He needed a distraction, and it was sitting right next to him.

“How are things with… um…” He didn’t forget the name; he hesitated, unsure if it was appropriate. But he wanted to check on Minghao for a while, not knowing how to start that conversation.

“Junhui?” Minghao said, half-disappointed, half-touched. “It’s alright. I visited his house. Met his daughter… and…” His voice cracked. “Wife.”

The yearning, grief, and need were pretty evident in his voice. Minghao wanted what Jihoon had, what most others have when they fall in love: someone who was his without shame, without hiding. But he loved someone whose life was already claimed by someone else.

Jihoon tried to keep his voice neutral, no sympathy, no pity, no anger. “How did it go?”

“His daughter is adorable. She showed me the entire house so excitedly. I gave her a stuffed toy. She doesn’t sleep without it now.” Minghao’s eyes softened. He ached for a family he could never have. “His wife was welcoming… I guess.”

“Do you think she knows?”

“I hope not. He says no. But I think…” Minghao didn’t finish, and Jihoon didn’t push, not ready to panic about it just yet. He can only take one crisis at a time.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” he said, even if he didn’t know how. He had to believe it for Minghao.

“Yeah. We’re gonna be alright.” Minghao smiled faintly. They were just two rejects, piecing themselves together, making no apologies for how they chose to do it.

Slowly, Jihoon’s panic turned into anger, then disappointment, and finally frustration. Silence wasn’t something he expected from Soonyoung; the Soonyoung, who always spoke honestly, who always knew what he wanted, whose words were warm and unwavering. No, that's not right. He cannot set such one-dimensional, unrealistic standards for Soonyoung. He had lost many people chasing perfection; he’s not about to repeat that mistake. Soonyoung is only human. He deserves a chance to hide, to contemplate, to hesitate. 

Then his phone rang. Soonyoung’s name lit up the screen, and he looked up at Minghao, sharing an excited, worried and panicked gaze with him.

He picked the call tentatively. “Hello?”

“Jihoon? I’m so sorry I couldn’t pick up. I was checking out of the office.” Soonyoung sounded breathless. “First day, so new biometrics. Everything just took…”

“It’s okay,” Jihoon said immediately. “How was—”

“Where are you right now?” Soonyoung cut in. Behind him, there was the sound of a door slamming, some shuffling, and then the engine roaring to life.

“I’m… in the garden near my house. Just finished gym.”

“Can I come there?”

There he went again, wanting to appear in Jihoon’s life like he belonged there with no prior warnings. Usually, Jihoon felt suffocated when two separate parts of his world collided, but with Soonyoung, there was always space. 

“I…” But it was risky, too close to home, and he could not deny their reality as much as he wanted to. “I’m with Minghao. Can we meet tomorrow after work?”

“Yeah, sure.” A yawn slipped through Soonyoung, soft and tired. 

Maybe because they hadn’t spoken all day, or because they were so used to sharing every single thing happening throughout the day, or maybe because they missed each other so much during such a short amount of time, they ignored the confession hanging between them and fell into small talk.

“How was your first day?” Jihoon asked, guilt prickling in his chest. He hadn't even thought about it all day.

The need to share every single detail was evident in Soonyoung’s excited tone. “I didn’t do much. Met the team, got access to projects. Seungcheol hyung was really kind. He introduced me to the staff himself. You know he eats lunch with everyone. It’s a small ensemble, but it feels like family.” Another tired yawn. “But maybe because I’m out of practice, I’m exhausted.”

“And yet you were going to come meet me.” Jihoon tried to sound scolding, but it came out grateful.

“That’s because…” Soonyoung paused. The silence between them thickened. “I didn’t want you to think I’m ignoring you.”

“Oh.” Jihoon let out somehow.

“I saw your message last night. I was too shocked to reply. And then the morning passed, and it felt too late. I kept thinking about it all day, but I didn’t want to say anything over text.” Soonyoung spoke gently, openly, like he always did.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it back.” Jihoon tried to imagine Soonyoung mulling over his message, nervous, excited, confused. It was sort of assuring. 

“I know. But I want to talk to you.” Soonyoung whispered; his tired voice came out raspier.

The seriousness in his tone made Jihoon’s stomach drop. The last time he’d heard that, they’d fallen apart. He doesn’t want it to be a pattern of breakups and patch-ups. The cracks never heal, the distance never decreases. 

“Tomorrow then?”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung said, his car door opened and closed. “I just reached home. I think I’ll pass out the moment I hit the bed.”

“Okay. Don’t forget to eat something, though.” Jihoon smiled despite the nerves. Whatever Soonyoung would say tomorrow, it wouldn’t shatter him. Soonyoung would never hurt him, not intentionally.

“What did he say?” Minghao was waiting for him to finish the conversation eagerly, eyebrows lifting at the smile forming on Jihoon’s lips.

“Nothing much. We’re meeting tomorrow evening.”

Minghao nodded, and then they stayed in the quiet garden until someone’s parent called them home for dinner.

Waiting another day meant another twenty-four hours of suspense. By noon, Jeonghan had caught on.

“Something’s up with you.” He said, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

Jihoon stayed glued to his computer next to him, ignoring, typing furiously. 

But Jeonghan was relentless. “Seungcheol told me Soonyoung looked jumpy. We thought they were first-day nerves. But you’re the same. Did you two fight?” He had somehow become Jihoon’s self-proclaimed love guru after their visit to his house.

“No. Nothing like that. I… may have confessed.” Jihoon had stopped hiding things from him. It’s no use. He figures it out eventually.

“And?” Jeonghan asked, making Jihoon look up at him.

“He’s going to tell me his answer this evening.”

Jeonghan hummed, then patted his back. He understood there was nothing he could say that would help decrease his anxiety. 

“How’s our Hanyeollie? I miss him,” Jihoon asked, seeing his picture on Jeonghan’s phone.

“He’s great. He sleeps with the plushie you got him every night.”

“It’s a camel, I think.” Jihoon laughed. Minghao had said something similar about Junhui’s daughter. They were around the same age. “Hyung… can I ask you something?”

“Mhm?”

“Is it possible for a father to get custody of a kid Hanyeol’s age?”

Jeonghan looked alarmed, but answered nonetheless. “Mothers usually win. But it’s not impossible. Fathers can be just as responsible. Look at Seungcheol and me. I’d like to think we can raise Hanyeol with just as much love.”

Jihoon’s expression softened. “You already do.” 

They didn’t get much time to talk after that. It was post-exam haze, a lot of corrections to be done, assignments to be checked, and meetings to be held. Jihoon was having the longest possible day. The slow passage of time was unfortunately not helping his cause. But too much work meant he was distracted enough not to feel like he would explode with anticipation.

“Hey, do you have lectures from two to three?” Sowoon came to ask him after lunch break. 

“No, just staying to finish some reports,” Jihoon answered, rubbing his neck. Everything from his shoulders to his back was aching and stiff. 

“Then attend my seminar for synthetic pathways. Might be helpful for your thesis.” She said, stealing a glance at Jeonghan. But Jeonghan was suddenly too interested in the case reports on his table. Something had definitely happened between them. Both were acting like the other didn’t exist.

“Okay. Hyung, will you join?” He asked Jeonghan. Usually, they attend seminars together, discussing everything at length later. Jeonghan has helped Jihoon with his thesis more than his supervisor has.

“No, I have lectures. I’ll see you later.” Jeonghan suddenly rose, eyes avoidant, walking out in a rush.

“What’s going on between you two?” Jihoon asked Sowoon. They have gotten closer ever since Jihoon started assisting her instead of Jeonghan. To focus on his family, Jeonghan had been taking less and less responsibilities, to the point where he was dodging valuable opportunities towards Jihoon. He wonders if Sowoon noticed that, and if that was the reason for their conflict. 

“Nothing's happening.” Sowoon avoided answering. “Anyways, be on time. I need to prepare.” She went back to her seat, furiously going through her notes one last time.

Jihoon loves attending seminars; it's a breath of fresh air amidst his hectic schedule. Sit in a corner, listen to his colleagues share their research, learn interesting things, or zone out if he desires. It's kind of like being back in college, when he could have more leniency, when he could give into his ADHD symptoms without the world falling apart. Losing focus here and there didn't harm him. Bahe could just lie in his bed if he didn't feel like showing up. Adulting means losing that privilege. 

But, focusing was hard today, and zoning out wasn't an option when a pair of eyes kept piercing into him throughout the entirety of the one-hour seminar. He tried to avoid them, to focus on the lecture, to ground himself, but he was spiralling deep into his embarrassing past, his mistakes, his cowardice, and his darkness. Why today of all days?

After the seminar, he tried to make a run for the exit, trying to take advantage of the crowd and disappear while the students were still swarming it.

“Jihoon?” He heard a very familiar voice shout his name, hesitantly. “Jihoon!” It was sure now. “Lee Jihoon!”

He thought if he’d just pretend he couldn’t hear, if he could just escape right now, he’d be….

“Uji-ya!” 

He froze, having heard that nickname for the first time in years. Something ached in his chest. He stayed glued to his spot until the footsteps caught up. The students disappeared just as fast as they had assembled. Now, the only people left in the room were Jihoon, Dowoon (who was still busy gathering her things), and…Somi.

Jeon Somi, whom he hadn’t seen for over three years, who used to be in his everyday, his companion in every good and bad, his partner in crime, and his person. They met at a blind date set by their parents against their wills. Having no intentions of falling in love…they fell for each other. It was slow, gradual, like seeping into each other's normality, becoming a part of each other’s lives. Somi was also a chemistry major, and they both dreamt of being teachers. They felt like they were meant to be soulmates. They had plenty to talk about academia, as well as their shared traumas from their respective families. Jihoon still believes Somi is the only person who was close to understanding him. What started as a friendship turned into the only real relationship Jihoon had ever experienced until Soonyoung. 

She was the first person who made Jihoon realise he could be normal, that he could grow into the man he is today. 

“You two know each other?” Dowoon asked, watching the two stare at each other. She had already wrapped up, ready to leave, and finally noticed them at the door.

“Uh,” Jihoon cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

Somi was looking at him, amused, as if she could still read him like before. He didn’t like that. He isn’t that same person anymore, and he will have to show her.

“We are family friends.” She told Donwoon. She’s always felt the need to protect Jihoon, to fight his battles, never asking him what he wants. Well, that part has not changed. But she’s changed in many other ways. She looked softer, less angry, more content. She wasn’t trying to be someone else, nor was she trying to impress anyone. Her eyes had a hint of sparkle that matched the makeup done on them. Gone was the sharp eyeliner, dark eyes, leather and mesh, and dyed hair. She’d always dress that way to rebel against her family. 

Her way of fighting her situation was different from Jihoon's. But he doesn’t blame her. After all, he understood where she was coming from. The only similarity between them was that they wanted to work hard and escape the prison. Somi did, Jihoon never could completely, and she could never understand why.

“Oh, what a small world.” Dowoon was looking between them suspiciously.

“How do you guys know each other?” Jihoon asked her, because that was the polite thing to do, to keep the conversation going. It was too late to escape anyway.

“She’s my research guide,” Somi said, smug but also delighted to share the information with him. She knew he would be proud and happy for her.

“Anyways, you guys catch up. I’ve got a lot of work to do.” Dowoon must have sensed the tension between them and chose to walk away, leaving them behind, back to staring at each other awkwardly.

“So…coffee?” Jihoon asked.

“Yeah. Sure.” Somi smiled the same way she always did when she would find Jihoon trying to act like he wasn’t uncomfortable. 

They walked to the cafeteria in silence, both taking that time to process the fact that they were actually in front of one another. Jihoon was trying to come up with things he would talk about with her, how he could avoid uneasiness, and how he could come out of this unscathed.

“Mind you, our cafeteria coffee tastes like shit.” ‘he informed her as he placed two paper cups between them. Since it was already late, there weren’t many students there, allowing them some privacy.

“I thought you worked at our old Uni,” Somi asked, her big eyes boring into his face. 

It felt surreal. It was still hard to digest that he was sitting in front of her. He never allowed himself to think about her, to miss her; it hurt too badly. The ache in his chest was constant, dull, so common that he learned to live with it. But, now that she is here, all he wants ot do is grab her hand, pull her in a hug, and tell her how proud he was of her, how sorry he was for the way things ended, and how he would have done it all differently if he could turn the time back. But time never stops for anyone, and neither can you change the past. So he is stuck here, staring into his past mistakes straight.

“I did for a year. But you know it was too far from home. I was stretching out thin with my phd starting.”

“Oh, you finally did. Congratulations!” Somi grabbed his arm by habit, squeezing it excitedly, and Jihoon immediately pulled back, shocking himself as well as her.

“What’s going on with you?” He asked, keeping it superficial, out of dangerous territory.

“Oh, same old. Still working on my research, teaching.” Somi sighed. She took a sip of her coffee, staring at it for a while before continuing, “Jihoon.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m really proud of you. You know it, right?” She smiled; in her eyes resided the same adoration that Jihoon used to feel privileged to experience.

“I’m proud of you, too.” Jihoon laughed, and suddenly it felt like the long three years never happened, like they were back to being each other’s greatest supporters, secret keepers and best friends.

Maybe that was how it was supposed to be. Maybe it was never love. Maybe they were so desperate and alone that they held onto each other.

“I’m sorry, Somi.” He said. It was long overdue. It took him a long time to realise why Somi left so abruptly, that it was his fault, but by the time he did, it was too late.

“For what?”

“You know what.” He sighed. “I was so afraid to lose you that I became insufferable. You must have felt like you were escaping one prison, only to be locked up in another.”

That summed it up really well. He was going through so much that Somi became the sole purpose of his life. He lived and breathed for her, because of her. She stayed with him, coaxing him out of his panic attacks, taking him to get stitched up after he sliced himself a little too deeply, staying up at night so he wouldn’t do anything stupid. She lived on the verge of fear of losing him and despising him for putting it all on her.

He now realises how toxic that was for her. How alone and afraid she must have felt. But back then, he was obsessed with her. So, when she packed her bags and ran away from home, cutting not only her family but Jihoon out of her life, he felt betrayed. He felt like the only person who cared about him had abandoned him, and he hated her. But maybe that hate gave him the strength to live, to keep fighting the fight she had left unfinished. And he is still fighting it.

“I should be the one apologising. I left you when you needed me the most.” She looked down, tears forming in her eyes. “I don’t want you to misunderstand. It wasn’t because of…because of your depression. I knew all that very well. I was going through it in my own way. We were both so used to darkness that it didn't scare us." She smiled at how confused he looked, grabbed his hand, and this time he didn’t flinch. “Your pain didn’t scare me away. Don’t even think that way. What happened to you was not your fault. If anything, it hurt me too much to see you like that.”

“It’s the same.” Jihoon clicked his tongue.

“No, it’s not. I was angry on your behalf. I wanted to help, but I couldn’t. It was frustrating. Seeing you like that, I realised there was no use in fighting my family, that I would never win. But you, you still had so much hope left in you. You still do.”

“Is that the reason?” He asked, voice small. 

She shook her head. “No. I left because you were starting to hide it from me, your pain, your hope, your love for your family, because you knew I had none of it left. You moulded yourself, adjusted your life according to my will. It was less of an obsession and more of a fixation. You couldn’t separate it from love. We were dating only for a few months when you asked me to marry you. Tell me honestly, do you think you were ready for marriage?”

Jihoon didn’t answer. He stayed quiet. Of course, he wasn’t ready for marriage. It scares him even now, at the age of twenty-seven; of course, it was foolish to think he was ready at twenty-three.

He understood what she meant. And now he knew what exactly he had to say to Soonyoung in the evening.

“Then I should thank you. Leaving was the best thing you did for both of us.” He smirked.

Somi laughed; it was the same laughter he remembered. He joined, cutting the tension with their giggles. “I’m so glad I ran into you. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, my bestie. I have so much to tell you. But, let me begin with this.” She showed him the diamond-studded ring on his finger, and JIhoon almost yelped.

“Tell. Me. Everything!” He demanded, and they spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with life, sharing their achievements, their lows, highs, and everything in between. They learned how happy they were, how they had both built themselves lives they had always wanted.

They shared numbers with a promise of keeping in touch, and Jihoon knew they would this time, that they would never let each other go again. 

When Jihoon woke up that morning, he never would have thought he would run into his past and then embrace it like a best friend. 

In the evening, he waited outside his college at their usual spot. The moment Soonyoung arrived, Jihoon slipped into the car quickly before anyone could notice.

“Where to?” Soonyoung asked, automatically reaching for Jihoon’s hand, then stopping, pretending instead to fix his seatbelt—a full K-drama moment.

“Would you mind drinking?” Jihoon asked. It was Friday. They both had the weekend off. If they were about to have that conversation, he couldn’t do it sober.

They ended up at a small food truck, warm yellow lights glowing like soft fireflies. Plastic chairs, metal tables, people chattering, the smell of fried dough and broth filling the air. They ordered dumplings, soup, rice, and soju, not quite a date, but intimate enough.

Soonyoung shoved two sizzling dumplings in his mouth without hesitation. Jihoon watched him with an adoration that felt too big to contain.

“This is so good. I was starving,” Soonyoung said, with a mouthful of dumpling. If anyone else ate like that, Jihoon would have been disgusted. But Soonyoung manages to swell Jihoon’s heart with protectiveness instead. Maybe that’s what love is, acceptance, albeit with the differences.

“You’re staring,” Soonyoung said shyly.

Jihoon immediately looked down. “Sorry.”

In the face of the awkward silence, Soonyoung inhaled deeply. “Say it. You look like you would blow up if you keep it inside anymore.”

Jihoon shook his head and began. “My confession. I know it was abrupt. I was afraid of losing you, and giving my all without a second thought is the only way I know to love. But I know now that it’s not fair, nor is it right.”

Jihoon hadn’t thought about it that way. But now, yes. It made sense. Maybe the fear had been louder than the truth. Somewhere along the way, he’d stopped pushing Soonyoung away, stopped building walls, and let him in. And that terrified him. He wasn’t ready to be alone again after having a taste of his companionship.

Soonyoung blinked, surprised. Then he reached across the table and took Jihoon’s hand without hesitation this time.

“Then tell me again,” he murmured, “when you’re sure it’s not fear talking. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jihoon’s ears burned. His chest tightened. Words could never capture what he felt in that moment. Soonyoung gave him more than just a simple confession; he gave him acceptance, faith, novelty, and trust. His eyes stung. A tear rolled down, then another, his first in front of Soonyoung, but certainly not his last.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Soonyoung smiled, a full, bright, toothy grin that reached his eyes and lit up everything around them. “Now open your mouth and try this. I swear they’re the best dumplings I’ve ever had.”

Jihoon obeyed, cheeks warm, eyes fluttering shut. “Ahhh.”

That evening, he felt one step closer to happiness. One step closer to freedom. One step closer to Soonyoung.

But what he didn’t realise was that he was doing it again, ‘It’s never a good idea to depend on a single person for your happiness.’