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Caitlyn is insecure. She would never show it nor tell anyone, putting on a mask of confidence, strength and stoicism. But small voices are getting louder and louder each day. She hates it even more. Caitlyn is the type of person who you'd admire or even be jealous of; would worship her curves, dream of her intelligence and idolize her determination. However, she didn't think it was enough. Growing up at the Kiramman’s house means you are never enough, Cait believed she was hard to love.
This relationship is bulletproof and it’s been proved: unconditional love, absolute trust and passionate kisses – what could’ve gone wrong? In fact, nothing, but the past doesn’t seem to let Caitlyn go. Fears and doubts are getting irrationally stronger, waking her up at night, making her cry quietly on the balcony, and getting her heart ache. Probably, the only thing she would never tell Vi about, she wouldn’t understand anyway…
“I literally have no reason to leave you,” The woman chuckles kindly ruffling her girlfriend’s dark blue hair, which reminds of the late evening starless sky. She always says that, and Cait doesn’t feel any better, because, in her opinion, there’s still a chance of letting her partner down, saying something stupid or simply getting dull and ugly in Violet’s eyes. Caitlyn would just smile at those words, feeling the lump forming in her throat each time.
It’s four AM, the enforcer doesn’t sleep and it’s not even work hours. Her lips feel hot and too dry to bear, so Cait tries to get up as quietly as possible and tippy toes to the kitchen. Her whole body feels like it’s on fire in the worst way she has ever experienced. As she grabs a glass to pour herself water the woman feels a dramatic contrast in the temperature of her palm and the vessel. The coldness of the liquid makes her body and mind feel a bit tad easier. A few drops of water slide down her chin and neck until it dissolves in the fabric of her nightgown. Caitlyn’s brain wakes up… a low sigh of relief escapes her wet mouth at the realization.
“It's just a bad dream, Caitlyn… It's fine,” She tries to convince herself she’s absolutely not affected by the tricks her mind is playing.
As her entire body calms down and her breathing becomes more stable her skin feels cooler – goosebumps are covering her limbs and chest. She registered this as a sign to go back to bed.
Her heavy legs barely move as her toes make no sounds on the tiles. Suddenly, she stops passing by the mirror. Caitlyn takes a small step back to look at her reflection, to feed her insecurities. It's still dark due to the ungodly hour, but the moon glows strong enough to let Cait look at her eye injury again. Upset again. Her hand lifts to the left side of her face but doesn’t make any contact with the skin. The unpleasant sight provokes her mind to think of each time when people pitied her instead of ignoring the accident as she wanted them to. She sees those worried faces before her, which reminds her of how weak and pathetic she looks. And what worries the enforcer the most, is the fact Vi may find her absolutely hideous. Yes, the scar was ugly, painful to look at. She knew most people wouldn't find someone like her – permanently injured – attractive.
Finally, Cait decides to stop staring at her disgusting reflection before the tears start suffocating her. On the way to the bedroom, the woman shakes her head as if trying to get her depressing thoughts out of her head. Her side of the mattress is already nippy, so when the sheets envelop her body it feels soothing and calming.
But what’s more relaxing is hearing Violet’s soft breathing, seeing her broad tattooed back and simply having her by Caitlyn’s side.
“I should know better than doubt Vi…” The enforcer thinks to herself. The peaceful scene in front of Cait pacifies her nerves and brings a sense of comfort. It’s the life she'd been dreaming of, so failing this relationship means ruining the whole life ahead. Here the woman realizes she's been doubting herself, not Violet. Hurt more.
Meanwhile, Vi is oblivious to everything, snoring faintly. Unexpectedly for Caitlyn, the other woman rolls over in her sleep facing her upset girlfriend now. Violet’s lips are slightly parted and one cheek is squeezed against a pillow – looks stupid. Stupidly adorable… the enforcer is stupidly deep in love.
Cait can't help herself when she's with her lover, this moment isn't an exception. Her lips stretch in a smile, which reveals the small gap between her front teeth(that she hated too), and her fingers lightly touch the soft cheek of the woman. Her eyes roam all over the sleepy face finding it gorgeous and cute. Caitlyn doesn't like to admit it, but she thought Vi was hot the day she called her “an angry oil slick”. Probably, the only weakness she doesn't want to get rid of is the weakness for Violet.
“Mhm… Cupcake,” the sleeping one doesn't open her eyes yet, just mumbles barely incoherently in a groggy voice. It surprises Cait again – she believed her touch was soft enough not to wake her partner. But now Vi is looking at the enforcer with half-lidded eyes. Masculine but gentle hand covers Caitlyn’s, and her lips brush against the thin wrist faintly. “Are you okay?” Violet asks carefully. She has no idea what time is it now, but she knows they both should be sleeping yet. Her expression is etched with concern, but instead of making her lover uncomfortable, she rubs her thumb against her girlfriend’s skin.
“Yeah, don't mind,” As she says that, the area under her wounded eye starts itching – some psychological trick. Vi caught it immediately – an old habit from Zaun of being overly observant. It makes the woman sigh. She doesn’t say anything and tenderly cups Caitlyn’s cheek. Her gaze is kind, filled with fondness. Cait flinches a bit after being dragged out of her thoughts.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” the enforcer is confused, seeing this full-of-love stare. The blush covers her face and ears as she realizes how… awful she looks. Messy hair, the injury isn't hidden behind the eyepatch, puffy from bad sleep eyes. She wants to cover her face with her hands but for Violet’s fortune, Cait is way too hypnotized by her lover’s soft eyes.
“Because I'm in love with you, silly,” Vi laughs quietly.
“Even when I look ugly?” Caitlyn asks seriously, with a hint of fear of what her girlfriend might say.
“I'm afraid you never look ugly,” Violet scoots closer.
“We both know I look less… attractive than before,” Her remained eye looks away from her partner’s face. A hint of sadness and vulnerability crosses Cait’s expression.
“Who’s “we”?” Violet asks genuinely. “I know my girlfriend is the hottest thing ever,” Her voice is slightly teasing, but she means comfort and support. “Pretty, smart, determined, loving, caring and so on. What else I could possibly ask for?”
“You’re just saying that,” Caitlyn’s voice is deep but gentle, quiet. She doesn't believe her partner a bit, although she knows it's dumb.
“I say what I see, cupcake,” Vi moves her fingers along the enforcer’s cheekbone to tuck messy locks behind her ear.
“Why can't I see that too?” Caitlyn’s gaze lifts to Violet’s soft face again. The other girl stays silent for a while because saying “You're insecure” would be rude, and definitely doesn't explain what Vi actually means.
“I just wish you could see yourself the way, I see you,” Her words are simple but strong. Cait’s heart beats faster, dreaming of leaving her chest. Yes, the enforcer wants to see herself the way her partner does at least once, so she can never worry about the mind she cannot read.
Violet doesn't wait for Caitlyn’s response and kisses her cheek, not once. Her lips pepper the soft skin all over her face and down to her jaw. The touch is open-mouthed, featherless and sensual. The trail of wet kisses attracts the chilliness of the room making the enforcer shudder. Vi tries to keep things slow and tender but also doesn't hold herself back – her arms wrap around her lover’s body as if she's afraid Cait will fade away. The embrace makes the other woman relax, forget about every silly thought she's ever had. Her eye flutter shut as she lets out a breath through parted lips.
“Vi… I love you,” Caitlyn’s voice is strained with excitement.
“I love you more, cupcake,” Violet’s lips faintly brush over her neck as she speaks. Her grip is getting tighter, more possessive, but it carries no lust – pure affection and protectiveness.
The enforcer doesn't argue. She knows Violet too well to deny the fact this girl loves too much, despite the unbearable pain, cruelty and carelessness of others. It's the type of love you're afraid to lose, betray and waste. The type of love Caitlyn just can't fail.
Suddenly, the enforcer pulls away, not much. Her expression is thoughtful, Vi could hear the gears turning in her lover’s head.
“Would you like to change something in me?” the enforcer asks out of the blue.
“No. You’re too stubborn anyway,”
This time Cait is the one who initiates the kiss, right in the mouth – passionate and needy. Violet can't help it and giggles in the kiss. Probably, it was a mistake, because Caitlyn’s tongue was already in her mouth, or it was exactly what the first hoped for. The room is slowly but surely filling with loud breathing and subtle moans, while the temperature rises. The world blends into the background and it doesn't matter, but…
Unfortunately, the enforcer’s insecurities and fears haven't disappeared forever, and she might still think she's not enough, but at least they've faded into oblivion when Violet is by her side. When Violet doesn't ask for something, Cait cannot give. And it's the thing she'd always craved for: unconditional love, absolute trust and passionate kisses.