Archive of Our Own ^beta

I can't believe I'm standing here been waiting for so many years and
today I found the queen to reign my heart.
you changed my life so patiently and turned it into something good and real.
I feel just like I felt in all my dreams.
there are questions hard to answer, can't you see?

Dan Heng has a lot of secrets.

The first, the one whom he kept hidden from his companions for a long time, had already been revealed recently—his unescapable destiny as the successor of the Azure Dragon, a Vidyadhara descendant, and a former prisoner that was exiled from his homeland.

Mr. Yang and March had taken the sudden revelation with a stride, which he was eternally grateful for. They don't seem to be bothered by it, and they both still treat him the same as before: the same Dan Heng of the Astral Express that they know, notwithstanding the pair of horns on top of his head akin to a crown, a foreign appearance so dissimilar to the comrade they had been travelling with.

It was a relief, truly.

But what did strike a semblance of trepidation in him is Stelle's blatant silence.

From what he had known of her, it's not that strange that she would suddenly fell quiet during conversations. Stelle, as he was beginning to understand, had a tendency to stop talking and go bizarrely silent in the middle of discussions. But he had a hunch why so; Dan Heng didn't understand when she used internet slang sometimes, but beneath all of that, her flow of thoughts wasn't that unfamiliar to him.

In some cases, perhaps Stelle would conceptualise more possibilities in her mind and she would unhesitantly throw away her present idea in order to chase the new one. Dan Heng did this all the time, whether it was during his experiments or wielding his spear, so he usually waited patiently till she was done thinking in an attempt to help sort out her thoughts.

She also had a tendency to quip a joke once in a while, more specifically in some situation in order to defuse the tension, but then…when she had seen him after their longest—and first—separation, she was uncharacteristically silent, refusing to ask him any questions like she usually would do, nor provide him with any words even just a simple 'hello'. 

She couldn't even bear to look at him, preferring to gaze at the looming sea before her than to spare him a single glance.

But the moment she does, Stelle stares at him so intently, burning holes in his skull, as if she'd wanted nothing but to tear him apart, piece by piece. There was a deep intensity in those golden pools when she finally regarded him as he turned his back, and he supposed it's only natural that she's upset with him for lying to her. 

It was jarring—if not unnerving.

Dan Heng can't bear the thought that she's mad at him. It's what he deserved, but he didn't know how to make amends either. He felt like a simple 'sorry for keeping you in the dark' wasn't enough. It would never be enough to douse her anger.

He wanted to do more for her. 

But he didn't know what.

These thoughts kept him wide awake at night, and that's saying something because he's always awake even at ungodly hours. 

"—How about giving her a gift?" March 7th suggested off-handedly. After she managed to pull the truth out of him about his reservations and worries about Stelle, she began pestering him every night under the guise of making him braid her hair to help him.

He made a non-committed noise at the back of his throat, ignoring her.

She grinned mischievously. "I bet you already have a gift prepared for her, anyway."

"It's none of your business." Dan Heng grumbled in exasperation, and in the corner of his eyes, he saw his notebook splayed on the table, the data bank tablet beside it had been completely forgotten. There was an open tab of the blank entry of a certain passenger that he's been agonising over how to write for a few months now.

He quickly closed the notebook, tucking it back to the safety of his drawer where no one could find it. If March had so much as to glance at its contents, she would never let him live it down for the rest of his life. And that would be the last thing he wanted.

That notebook contained all of his observations, his opinions, and everything he knew about Stelle—mostly useless and mundane information that had no need to be recorded in the data bank, that he was certain but still, he found himself jotting them down. Most were impromptu notes—interesting quirks she had, her morning and evening habits, what food she prefers among the things she said 'it's okay', what makes her tick, what makes her easily frown and smile, and many, many random facts that he didn't know if she herself had managed to pick up on.

You sound like an obsessive stalker, his mind goaded—something that he usually ignores, because he was not a stalker. A researcher, one could say, but never a stalker.

Though his notebook was already filled to the brim, even then, Dan Heng couldn't still find the right—the most right—words to input in her data bank entry. Critically speaking, he felt like none of the things he gathered so far are accurate enough to clearly define who she is.

And Dan Heng was thorough with everything he did; he does not want to settle with a half-hearted and flawed archive entry that lacks the precise description of the person in question. Especially someone as interesting as Stelle.

Speaking of, Stelle is a fascinating one, that he can admit (but never to March)—a wonderful anomaly in the vast majority of people in the cosmos. Not just because she was special in the way she could hold a Stellaron safely in her body, but also because of her rather odd fascinations about things that people would find unpalatable—mostly about scavenging through trash cans and breaking apart the ceramic vases.

Thus, he continued observing her. All in the hopes of unraveling more of the sides she kept hidden inside of her.

However, that's all she is to him. A fellow traveller in a long journey—and he was well aware that their paths will eventually diverge—a comrade who have his back, his best friend that stays by his side, and a mere curiosity to satisfy the questions plaguing his mind about her mysterious existence, and maybe a family member to complete the Astral Express—and no, he did not say the last one, it was March's words. 

She is nothing more, nothing less than that. And it's been like that since the beginning.

…or, at least, that's what he insistently told himself.

"—Stelle, Dan Heng called me. Do you want me to tell him where you are?"

"...No. Not yet, at least."

"I understand your reservations but you have a high fever. At least let me call the Dragon Lady—"

"Don't! S-She'll tell Dan Heng…I'm okay, I promise. This is nothing. It will pass soon."

"A fever this high would not just 'pass soon' without proper medication, my friend."

"General, please. I…want to be alone for a while."

To his relief, Stelle goes back to acting like her usual self—a little unhinged, a bit of a troublemaker, and just as lovely and quiet as before, once they managed to wrap their business in the Luofu. 

She never brings up any questions regarding his origins, and he couldn't help but to overthink that perhaps she was disgusted of him. After all, the way she tensely looked at him back in Scalegorge Waterscape was enough to tear off his limbs little by little.

That's why it came as a surprise to him when he found her sitting in her favourite little corner in the archives the next day—reading silently, just like before, as if nothing had happened the day prior. He thought this was her way of offering an olive branch, and he was content enough that she stopped avoiding him and was willing to talk to him again.

"If you have a present already, why didn't you give it to her, then? I think she will love it!" March pressed on insistently that night, when he made a horrible mistake of taking out his 'gift' the moment she barged inside his room. Stelle had already dived out of the archives faster than he could hide his mortification.

"She already has something like this. There's no need to give her another." Dan Heng simply said.

"Stelle have a crystal globe? When did—" She trailed, confused, before her eyes lit up. "Did you mean the snow globe that Bronya gave her? Oh, come on! It's Bronya's childhood toy, you can't be serious!"

"It's still similar," he shrugged. "I'll…think of another gift to give her." 

A more appropriate one. 

March frowned, distraught. "But this one looks really pretty. I don't think I've seen a crystal globe like this before…"

That's because Dan Heng did not buy it, he made it himself. The first handmade gift he had ever thought of giving someone.

Dan Heng doesn't hold any affection to the place that exiled him, but he vividly remembered Stelle offhandedly mentioned before that she had never seen an ocean in her entire life, or at least, from what she could remember—meaning, absolutely nothing—so she wanted to see one in person if she had the chance.

Thus, instead of the usual snow globes, he thought of give her a spherical globe with an oceanic view inside; full of branching corals, handcrafted sea animals and swaying kelps, filled to the brim with crystal clear seawater that he personally acquired from Scalegorge Waterscape. 

Dan Heng thought it was an acceptable gift that she might like. 

But…

"I think you're overthinking this." March deadpanned.

He does.

"I think she'll love whatever you will give her. It's you, after all."

Dan Heng will pretend he didn't know what she was insinuating. Simply because he was not ready to admit that to himself.

"—General, you don't need to do this."

"Nonsense. If I leave you be, your fever will only worsen and the last thing I want is to have a mad Dan Heng charging at my doorsteps."

"Then, I'll leave…"

"No. Stay there. You need to recover. However, I am no healer, so you have to make-do with what I have."

"Thank you, General…"

"You are my friend, too. Don't worry, I didn't tell him you're here, so you can rest easy. For now."

Although she's thankfully not avoiding him, Stelle had been acting odd these past few days. Perhaps even more strange than usual. She would still stay in her little corner in the archives to quietly read and keep him company every day, but there would be times that she would hastily make herself scarce, seemingly on edge, and before he could prob her what's wrong, she's already gone.

Dan Heng supposed it's not that surprising, but it is worrying. Stelle has always been a recluse, prefering to set out on her own after the major crises in the world they trailblaze has been resolved. She would disappear on days end, with just a quick note in their group chat that she's going to be busy, hence why she wouldn't be able to come back in the Express until it's done. 

It was like that when they found out that she's on a mission on the behest of the Ten-Lords Commission to help sealing the escaped heliobus, or revitalising the Aurum Alley from the hands of the IPC, or reviving the missing relics from the Belobog Museum. She would throw herself into other people's problems and resolve them before any of the Nameless could ask if she needed help. 

(He observed that she's more isolated than he was, though not physically like him, but she was emotionally detached that he didn't know if the walls she built around her heart could be penetrated at all.)

He supposed that's what makes her the Astral Express' jack-of-all-trades. She could get herself out of any situation without sustaining any serious injuries, and all Dan Heng could offer is a solemn 'tread carefully' to her, hoping that she knew, at the very least, that despite being very capable, he will always watch her back.

But even though it's always been a norm for her…

Dan Heng didn't know what sorcery possessed him to ask her… "are you free tomorrow?"

"I have to run a quick errand for the General, but it's easy enough to finish in the morning. Why?"

Dan Heng felt himself stiffened, and he blurted out the first excuse he could think of. "...Can you accompany me to visit Miss Bailu again? She said she has something to say to the both of us."

All lies; but if he didn't invite her, ask her if she needed company to whatever problems she was facing again, she would just go out all by herself, and he would've never found out what was bothering her again. At least in this case, Dan Heng could continue observing her on the sidelines.

It sounds like a good plan.

…That's what he said. 

But just as he was browsing through different shops in Aurum Alley, hoping to— finally —find a suitable gift for Stelle and to keep his nerves from frying as he waited for her to finish her morning errands, he didn't expect to encounter Lieutenant Yanqing chasing down countless mara-struck soldiers.

And he cannot, in good conscience, let him go alone even though he insisted he will be fine. So, with nothing better to do yet—he still couldn't find a more fitting gift for Stelle even after all that browsing—he decided to help Yanqing in purging down the abominations before they escaped to Starskiff Haven.

However, he should've known, everything involving Stelle is as spontaneous as her, and his expectations wouldn't just go according to his plans.

It started when it began raining.

The dark grey sky, streaked with a single line of white, reflected in his jade pupils. The sound of raindrops pounding against the surface of the ground is almost unbearable. But his ears are very much accustomed to them. 

The rain usually does not sink his spirits at all. Like the usual Dan Heng, who would always look into the horizon, waiting only for more rain, this time, it becomes a hindrance to his immediate goal.

Most specifically that, when he reached out to his pocket, the ocean globe he painstakingly made was missing. It must've slipped out when he was preoccupied with fighting. And he couldn't find any traces of it anywhere no matter how hard he looked.

"Master Dan Heng, the storm is coming. We should take shelter for now—" Yanqing called out, once they finished wiping out the mara-struck soldiers in the vicinity. 

"You go first." He firmly said, running a hand through his soaked hair as he frantically searched the area despite the heavy mist and fog that penetrated his surroundings.

"What?!" Yanqing spluttered, and he grabbed his sleeves. "I can't just leave you here!"

"I will be fine. Go ahead." Dan Heng waved him off. "I have to…find something first."

"You lost something important?" He frowned. "I…I'll look with you, then—"

Important? 

Is that ocean globe important to him?

Dan Heng froze from his spot at the sudden realisation, his rain-soaked clothes clinging to his skin in an uncomfortable manner. 

He didn't intend to give the ocean globe to Stelle anymore, so why?

 Why does it matter if he lost it? 

"—I haven't seen an ocean before. I wonder what it looks like."

"You could search it up."

"I want to see it for myself! Like actually playing and swimming, if you know what I mean."

"..."

"All Belobog have are frozen waters, and the space station obviously doesn't have an ocean. I want to see what's beneath the waves—and the ocean floor!"

"Your curiosity knows no bounds. You wouldn't be able to breathe underwater long enough to reach the seabed, you know. Besides, do you even know how to swim?"

"Well, never say never, Master Dan Heng!"

"...Heh. You truly are hopeless."

Even with Yanqing's help, it took him a severely long time to find the missing ocean globe under the piles of bodies of the mara-struck. Fortunately, to his relief, the fragile glass did not break even after all that gruesome fighting, and the things within were still perfectly intact.

Thus, bidding a quick goodbye to the young Lieutenant, Dan Heng practically flew on his way to Synwood Pavillion, notwithstanding the storm that became harsher and harsher as each second passed by. Knowing her, there's a huge chance that Stelle would stubbornly stay in their meeting spot despite the bad weather, but he hoped, deep in his heart, that she would prioritise herself above everything else first.

As a creature of water, he could take the storm rather well, but the same does not apply to her.

"—Stelle? Stelle!" He called out, a little louder, the moment he arrived at Synwood Pavillion, withering at the thought that he was almost five hours late. His voice was drowned by the heavy downpour, and it took every ounce of his willpower to just let nature take its own course and not change it like how he parted the seas.

Dan Heng decided to check the shops near the pavillion, to the bookshop she told him in a passing that have an amazing talking 'bird', to the Realm-Keeping Commission, to the fortune teller, and even to the Court of Tranquility to ensure he didn't miss her anywhere. By the time he, at his wit's end, asked Chiyan, the messenger from the Seat of Divine Foresight, if he had seen Stelle leaving Jing Yuan's office, he told him that she had already left before lunch.

She was no longer around. 

"Perhaps she had gone back to the Express," Dan Heng muttered to himself as he made his way back to Cloudford where the Astral Express was docked at.  

(He didn't know if he even believed his own words now.)

"—I know how much courage it might take to lie, especially to the people you truly trust."

"..."

"So, should the day come you have to keep something from me—us—I would totally understand."

He should've known. Stelle would never be the kind to break her word to anyone, even in the face of impossibility, bad weather, even. She had not gone back to Express since that morning, so she must be waiting for him the entire time. 

There's only one place he had not visited yet—avoiding it as much as he could like the plague, but he really has no other choice now. 

Desperate times would call for desperate measures.

"—Dan Heng?" Jing Yuan's raised brow was the first thing he saw the moment the door to his home opened. "What are you doing here at this hour? And you're soaking—"

"General, is Stelle with you?" Although he felt bad cutting him off, Dan Heng went straight to the point, a little impatient and a little more urgent. "I can't find her everywhere. And you're the last person she met before she went missing. Do you know where she is?"

"Calm down, my friend." With a sigh, Jing Yuan ushered him inside his house, handing him a spare towel to dry off himself. "Forgive me, but I'm not supposed to tell you where she is."

He did not deny he knew where she was.

Desperation cling to his tone that he tried to curb. "Please, General. I need to ascertain that she's alright. She's not answering her phone—"

"Stelle is alright, but she's having a high fever right now, hence why she couldn't answer you right away." Jing Yuan clamped a comforting hand on his shoulders. "She specifically told me she doesn't want to see anyone…however, I am confident that's not what she needs, and truly wants, right now. So, go. She's resting in the guest room, on the second floor at the end of the corridor."

Stelle have a fever? 

Quickly drying himself using his cloudhymn, Dan Heng didn't know what to make of that news as he made his way upstairs as quietly as he could, fearing the possibility of disturbing her rest. Stelle rarely gets sick; he could even argue that he took care of a fever-stricken March more than the amount of time he caught Stelle sneezing. 

She often sustains bruises and cuts during their expeditions, yes, but never a fever or a cold. So, this is completely new to him, a first among many other things. 

Wordlessly, Dan Heng opened the door, and he instantly stepped inside the dimly lit, spacious bedroom. There's no other furniture available inside, and only a few shelves with books are on the right side, with a massive window on the left near the bed and beside it was a coffee table. And what caught his attention was the wide bed with white sheets in the middle of the room, where Stelle was lying, sounding asleep.

Dan Heng instantly stepped towards her and checked if there's any signs of injuries, but luckily, nothing seriously bad happened to her, except to the fact that her face was flushed, her pale lips parted into soft pants, and there's a damp towel resting on her forehead.

Heavy guilt slowly permitted itself into the depths of his heart, his hand froze from reaching out to touch her cheek. If he just decided to abandon that ocean globe he made, Stelle wouldn't have to wait for him, and she wouldn't end up bedridden with fever. He doesn't even know any cloudhymn magic that could heal her, or alleviate her pain, and this is all his fault.

"—it's not."

Dan Heng settled himself beside her, a frown on his expression as he carefully examined her flushed face. "Stelle?"

With half-lidded golden eyes, she managed to give him a small, but almost pained, smile. "I heard you muttering. It's not your fault." She repeated quietly. 

"It is," he pursed his lips. "I'm truly sorry…I'm late and I have no excuse—"

The globe that he intended to give her, still resting on his pockets, suddenly feels so heavy.

"It's okay. I forgive you." Stelle sighed, almost resigned, and he didn't know why —why is she making that expression. "You can go now. I'll just rest up for a bit…then I'll head straight to the Express."

"What are you talking about?" Dan Heng's frown deepened as he pressed the back of his hand to her cheek. "You still have a high fever. There is no way I would leave you here alone."

"If you don't go now…" Her gaze turned hazy, as if she's turning a bit delirious from her fever. "...you'll miss your evening routine with March…she'll be upset if you…don't braid her hair…"

That was her issue? Dan Heng didn't know whether to laugh or flick her forehead for being so silly.

But despite what she said, Stelle heaved a relieved sigh at his cool touch on her burning skin, her nose nuzzling on his palm that made him shiver.

"That's not a routine. And it's just nothing important." Dan Heng replied, feeling the urge to roll his eyes. March 7th merely comes to him every evening to pester him about his feelings for Stelle, urging him to stop 'brooding' and 'get on with it'. He refused to entertain her most of the time. 

"It did…" Yet Stelle insisted, even as she closed her eyes against his palm. "It's not nothing…"

Why does it feel like they're talking and thinking about two completely different topics even though it's supposed to be the same?

"I thought you noticed March was not really coming to me every night to braid her hair. She's just there to…talk to me." He muttered as his free hand reached for the towel on her forehead, soaking it again with cool water using his cloudhymn, using it to gently wipe her heated skin. 

"Talk to you?" Stelle peered at him in surprise. "About what?"

"You." He does not have any reason to hide it from her right now. 

"Me? Why?"

"She wants me to be more honest with you." 

"What about my…data bank entry?" She muttered, half-asleep. "...Do you not have…anything to say about me?"

Embarrassment crept to his neck, rising up to his head that dusted his cheeks. "Stelle, that's…" in fact, he had a lot to say about her, more than all the data bank entries combined about the entire crew. "...I'm sorry, I know you're waiting for it. But I want to take my time writing your entry to make it perfect. And…"

"But you revised March's entries too frequently, and yet, you wouldn't even…my…" There was a sliver of hopeless accusation in her tone that he wouldn't understand in normal circumstances, but this time, he might've had an idea—a ridiculous idea—why.

And while he knew he shouldn't feel happy about this discovery and abuse her honesty while she's obviously delirious from her fever, he couldn't help himself.

Perhaps he really deserved her anger as much as it made him want to smile.

"Stelle, I did…wrote a lot about you. A whole notebook, in fact." He forced himself to say the words that he was gritting his teeth in mild embarrassment. "I just thought I couldn't do you justice, even after all I know about you. I've been…taking notes diligently ever since we met, that I can assure you."

The half-lidded pools of gold looking at him with uncertainty jolt in surprise.  "...A whole…notebook? About me?" Even as she was bedridden with fever, she never failed to equip something, mirth laced her tone. "Bro, are you a stalker?"

Not her calling him a stalker, too.

He resisted an urge to groan, but he supposed he deserved it for keeping things from her. "I prefer the term 'observer'. But, if you want, I can…show it to you."

He would definitely regret offering this. But for now, it's all he could do to avoid upsetting her even further.

"Okay." She grabbed his hand, her palm pressed hotly against his as he curled his fingers to her's. "...But why are you late?"

"I helped Yanqing with his duties. I didn't expect it would take us that long." He explained shortly. "I'm really sorry—"

"Sheesh. Stop apologising, I told you I forgive you. I just want…to hear why." Stelle huffed, her lips twitching into a light smile. "But judging from your tone…there's more to that, right?"

Dan Heng looked down on her solemnly. "I lost something…very important during the fight. I previously hesitated to give it to you, as inadequate as it was, but March insisted that you'll like it so…" his cool fingers reached out to place a fleeting touch on her cheek. "...I can't bring myself to abandon it."

"A gift? What's the occasion? It's not my birthday." She blinked at him hazily, and it seems like she's already on the way to her dreamland once more, no matter how much she wanted to wring the answer out of him.

"l'll tell you later." He said instead, fixing her blankets again, and the towel on her forehead. "For now, sleep, Stelle. You need it.

"I don't want—"

"I'll be here when you wake up." Dan Heng caught on to her sudden uneasiness. "I promise."

"—Dan Heng, do you have a first love?"

"I…what?"

"I dunno if I had one before I lost my memories. But March said all people would inevitably feel love, and the first time it happens, it's either you'll want to keep it, or bury it completely. Which one are you?"

"Stelle, that's hardly an appropriate question to ask."

"Huh? But why?"

"..."

"So, you have one?"

"...Perhaps."

"Who is it?"

"...Someone I don't deserve to have."

Stelle blinked the sleepiness from her eyes lazily, her cheek pressed to something warm. She noted the slow rising and falling of Dan Heng's chest, the sound of his breathing loud in her ear. Half-formed thoughts—about how nice his lotus-coated scent—was floating through her head.

She couldn't remember what day it was now. There was bright light filtering through the window, which suddenly spiked an odd feeling to her. There's no 'sunlight' in the Astral Express, even if the clock had already struck at the hour of dawn, so it means she's still stuck in bed at Jing Yuan's place. 

Besides, Dan Heng was almost always out of bed before she was, and definitely gone by the time the dawn arrived. Yet, there he was, fast asleep, on the bed with her, and she was definitely resting her head on his chest.

Remembering some vague recollections from last night that made her blushed profusely, disbelieving how delirious and whiny she had been, and even more how open and honest Dan Heng's responses were.

Is there a chance that it was all a dream? 

To ascertain it, she reached over and poked at his face. "—Dan Heng, wake up."

"...Hmm." He frowned in his sleep.

"It's late. You need to wake up."

"No…Not that…"

"Dan Heng," she repeated, more loudly. 

He groaned and turned over, wrapping his arm over her waist. "—Stelle, you're being too loud. Let me sleep for a while." He muttered. 

Feeling mischievous, she pinched his nose.

Dan Heng almost thrashed as he sat up, pulling his arm out from under her. Blinking his jade pools down at her, he frowned. "...why did you do that for?"

"You weren't waking up," she shrugged, sitting cross legged next to him, the night robes she borrowed from Jing Yuan draped haphazardly over her shoulder. "Why are you still here, anyways? This is Jing Yuan's house."

He raised a brow, feeling a familiar knot forming in his stomach not unlike the one from the night prior when he found out that it was Jing Yuan who took care of her. "...I know this is the General's house."

"And it's late?"

"So?"

"Don't you have things to do in the data bank today?"

"No," came his sincere tone. "It's my fault why you were bedridden here, so it's my responsibility to take care of you until you're well enough to walk on your own. I'll be taking a…day off."

"You didn't tell me you were taking a day off." Stelle slowly said, a small smile curling her lips. "But like I said last night, you don't need to take care of me, you know. It's my choice to wait for you there."

"And it's my choice to take care of you now." Dan Heng firmly replied, before grabbing her shoulders and pushing her gently to lie back down the bed. "Go back to sleep."

The way he fussed over her struck her as odd—very pleasant that made her stomach do giddy flips, but odd nonetheless—given how she believed wholeheartedly for almost a year that Dan Heng would never make her his priority.

Yet here he was now.

"I didn't know you liked to sleep in." She lied, swallowing the lump on her throat as he pulled the blankets to her neck.

In truth, Stelle knew he took naps during the day to make up for his busy schedule cutting into his sleep. Especially since, like her, he has trouble sleeping due to frequent nightmares, but he insisted that he is fine now. Perhaps a little too well. Though he didn't like people knowing that he took naps like a child.

"I don't have time to tell you since you're sleeping all day." He simply said. "And I don't, unless I've just been through a particularly rough week, and since I have, I would like to at least sleep until noon."

Stelle made a small noise of disbelief; Dan Heng, sleeping till noon? Another odd thought!

Still, he had a point. The last days for her really had been a page out of a nightmare full of overthinking and negativity. She doesn't want him to worry more, so she just keeps it to herself.

"So, you're just going to sleep all day?" Stelle asked instead.

"Not anymore." Dan Heng sighed. "And why are you so energetic? Usually, I can't even get you to open your eyes until Pom-Pom comes with an offending glass."

"I'm not energetic." She huffed. "I'm just so tired that I don't think I can rest anymore." She knew she had shadows under her eyes that hadn't disappeared in days, and her whole body ached from the fever she had yesterday. 

He blinked at her slowly, deliberately lying down next to her again when she insistently tugged at his sleeves. "Then, go back to sleep. And don't move too much." Whenever they sleep together in the same bed, she always ends up punching him in the face, especially during their weekly sleepovers.

"Wait. Why were you even sleeping with me last night? What if you catch my cold, you worrywart lizard?"

"I will answer your question, but not now. You need to sleep." He murmured, ignoring her name-calling. 

"Dan Heng needs to stop being selfish."

"After he wakes up, Stelle, after he wakes up."

"Dan Heng! I knew I was right about you—!"

"Don't even think about it, March."

"That's all I could think about! At first, I'm only teasing you to get under your skin, you know. But it's really not the case now, right?"

"Even if it was, I do not need to do anything more."

"You're content with just…being friends? This is exactly what I'm expecting of your stubborn ass, but think about it! What if…she likes you, too?"

"..."

Not surprisingly, when Dan Heng woke, Stelle had somehow managed to disentangle herself from his embrace and her arm was inches away from smacking him in the head if he made any sudden movements.

How does she even get herself into these odd positions? He asked himself, surveying the ridiculous angle of her body as she snored away peacefully. 

He blinked languidly, propping his face on his arm. Gazing at her blissful expression, her fever finally broke out, and he couldn't help wanting to chuckle. To say that she took up the majority of the bed was an understatement. 

Whenever they had sleepovers, Dan Heng, and even March at times, often found himself shocked awake in the middle of the night when he nearly rolled off the edge of the mattress, a real feat when one slept in Stelle's massive canopy. She unconsciously spread herself out, her limbs bent at strange angles, and even occasionally stole all the blankets to herself.

(She was a real terror in the sheets, and perhaps not in the way some would think of.)

It's endearing, in a way, he thought, he just truly wished she wouldn't kick him. 

As much as he complained, though, Dan Heng never felt as relaxed as he did when she was sleeping next to him. Which was why he had taken to sleeping with her from the start; at first it was because March forced him to, but soon he found his night terrors were gone when she was there, and before he knew it, heading to her bedroom once a week had become part of his routine.

Under normal circumstances, it would have been improper for an unmarried woman and man to share a bed, even if they were close friends, but Dan Heng was secretly thankful that their special circumstances let him get away with it for so long. Besides, it's not as if they were doing anything other than literally sleeping together in the same bed. 

Surely, it's not that bad.

Stelle muttered something in her sleep, and he saw she was drooling slightly.

"What a child." Dan Heng chuckled slightly, and reached to gently wipe the corner of her mouth. 

Her lips twitched, but she continued to sleep. 

Feeling a sudden spike of impulsive instinct he couldn't tame in time, he lifted his hand and pinched her nose shut.

"What the f—!"

Ah. Revenge, or rather, a payback really was sweet.

"—She asked if I'm satisfied, and I said I am. Being together under the same stars is enough."

"But I know…It's not."

"...it would never be enough."

"I'll kill you!"

"I didn't mean to—"

Stelle ripped a pillow from the bed and lunged it with all her might. When Dan Heng dodged it neatly, she growled, "Quit moving and let me hit you, you old lizard!"

"I am barely half a hundred years old, I'm still fairly young even by Vidyadhara standards." He said smartly as he dodged yet another pillow. His victory was drowned out as the next one hit him with such force that he was thrown to the ground. "...!"

"Aha!" Stelle cackled, throwing one more for good measure. "Payback!"

"You know, you can't get payback for a payback."

"Sure, I can, and I just did." She smirked. 

"Hypocrite." He climbed back onto the bed. "No one asked for such a rude awakening to begin with. It's only fair you get the same."

"I was your pillow as compensation!"

"But then, you nearly kicked me off the bed again," Dan Heng shrugged. "It's still fair."

"You're terrible!"

His jade eyes turned solemn, taking a lock of her hair and raising it to his lips. "That I am. For hurting you, for making you wait for hours under that rain, and for being unaware I've been making you feel neglected all this time." He kissed it and let it go slowly, the grey hair cascading back into place. 

She blushed furiously, and it took all of her willpower not to look away from the pure adoration in his gaze. Her stomach keeps making various circus flips. "I…It's all a misunderstanding. It's my fault for assuming that you care less about me."

"But if I just become forthright with my thoughts and intentions, you wouldn't have—"

"And if I've just been honest with you all, none of those would've happened either." Stelle softly said, "Misunderstanding sucks. So, can we accept that we're both at fault here?"

A few more convincing arguments later, Dan Heng finally relented and lay on his back to look up at the canopy. "...I wasn't planning on a pillow fight, but it really is nice to have a day off once in a while."

Stelle stretched herself out to lie on her stomach next to him. "Is it? We rarely get to spend so much time together outside the Express."

"Hmm. I like being able to watch you sleep longer than a couple of seconds." He said seriously.

She spluttered. "You watch me?!"

"Perhaps…" He said slowly, dragging out the word. "You make a lot of odd expressions in your sleep."

"...That's so morbid and creepy, Dan Heng."

"I did for merely a few seconds. I am very respectful about it, just so you know."

"Still..." She avoided catching his eye and pressed her face into her pillow. "Why would you even…?"

"Why would I not want to look? You look like a child when you are asleep, but you're still…beautiful."

"Liar," She snorted against the pillow. "You said I was a bumpkin once."

"Just when you weren't hearing the reason why the trash cans in Belobog do not need to be relocated in the Express." He easily agreed. "But you're still pretty."

"Now, you're just flattering me. Did you learn this from the data bank, too?" She asked in a deadpan voice, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I'm telling it like it is." He brushed some of the hair out of her face. "You have zero elegant presence, absolutely no grace, and have the manners of a newborn." There was a hint of amusement in his words, but somehow, she thought his next words were sincere. "Even then, however, I think…you're the loveliest woman there is."

That was the first time he's been so honest with his compliment, albeit still a little skewed. Stelle swallowed the lump on her throat, choosing to mask the fluttering swoons in her stomach behind her usual jokes. "You might need your eyesight fixed, Dan Heng. There's still time to get you a new pair of glasses before we depart to Penacony."

He chuckled, seeing through her bravado, the usual stoicness in his jade eyes crinkling, but then his expression grew soft, and she realised he was blushing lightly. "Whether you're pretty or plain, clumsy or stoic, funny or serious, I was serious when I told you last night that you're the first person…who made me feel this way." 

Argh! Stop it! Her little heart can't handle this much cuteness of his! She groaned, flushed red, furiously, as she covered her face with a pillow.

He pried it away, slowly.

"Stelle…" Dan Heng whispered, his face much too close. "Don't hide from me again."

"Dan Heng…" 

"—Can I kiss you?" He was forthright with his intentions, seemingly determined not to cause any more misunderstandings between them.

She felt her heart jump up into her throat. Never in her wildest dreams would she expect to hear Dan Heng, of all people, to ask her of that. Yes, she could only hope; yes, she daydreamed about it; yes, she was a little jealous when she thought of him kissing others; yes, she was really that hopeless about him.

Stelle swallowed the lump on her throat, her pulse beating erratically as she nodded her head, a little too eagerly for her own liking—or embarrassment. "Y-Ye—"

The rest of her sentence was silenced by his lips.

He took her hands tenderly, and she found that his palms were trembling slightly—just like her, this must be nerve-wracking to him. She could feel the heat from his skin, from his breath; as he proceeded to kiss her cheeks and eyelashes. He kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, the arch of her jaw…

And finally, this time, he kissed her on the lips.

Once, twice, thrice, many times.

Then, his caresses changed. 

He pulled her close and kissed her jawline, her throat, her collarbone. Her skin burned wherever he touched, her heart pounding furiously in her ears. 

Stelle knew she had something she was supposed to say, but she couldn't remember, she couldn't focus. She buried her face in his shoulder and said the only—and the very first—thing that came to mind, before that, too, was forgotten beneath the waves of his unbridled affection.

"I think…I like you, Dan Heng."