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The light from the late morning seeps through the thick curtains and Cardan Greenbriar is not quite sure why he has woken up. It’s early, to be sure, and the day before had been busy for a multitude of reasons: preparation for tomorrow’s coronation, proposals for the prisoner’s sentencing, and more from the Council that Cardan could not be bothered with. He had not been returned to himself for a week and all he wanted to do was hide away with his wife.
At this thought, he reaches for the other side of the bed, startling when his hand meets only sheets. He sits up, the coverlet pooling around his hips. It is then he sees her, sitting in thought at the long edge of the bed. The soft light from the sunrise peaked through the curtains, illuminating her features. Cardan’s brow furrowed seeing the small frown etched into her face.
“Jude?” He asks softly, not wanting to startle her. She turned to him, hair slightly wild from sleep and eyes filled with something that constricted his chest.
“Did I wake you?” She says quickly, turning back to the window. Retreating into herself.
“I wish you would have.” He responds with as much concern as he can without thinking he’ll scare her off. They’re still new to this vulnerability and Cardan is terrified of it flying away. Slowly, he eases himself down next to her, his left leg resting behind her back while his right hangs over the side. She glances at him, biting her lip in uncertainty. He’s not sure either of them knows how this is supposed to go.
“What troubles you?” He says, wanting and hoping to help her. It is a lifeline from his heart to hers.
“It’s tomorrow,” She relays to him quietly. “The coronation. My coronation.”
He wants to shake himself a little bit for his capacity for stupidity. Of course, that would be a source of nerves, even if she had no reason to fear it. The subjects clearly yield to her command. As she fiddles with her ring, he tells her as much. She pauses for a moment before answering.
“It’s not just that. I-,” She sighs in a type of frustration. “I cannot get what he said before you were cursed out of my mind. Whose wife keeps you under her control.” She looks at him with more questions than he can count in her eyes.
“Is that what this is to them? Is that what this is to you?” She asks. There is no venom in her words, only a sad sort of curiosity. A question about who she has become.
His heart positively sinks.
Because of course it isn’t anything that Madoc, of all beings, would think it was. It is the sun and the moon and all its stars to him, no matter how it began. Madoc is a fool, unaware that Jude has not literally had him under his control for many months, including when he married her. Even so, he is not surprised that the man does not recognize Cardan’s loyalty to Jude for what it is. Having been silent, he realizes Jude is still looking at him and shakes himself out of his pondering.
“Let me tell me outright the falsehood of that. You have inspired loyalty in me for far longer than you know, far before any aspect of power you had over me. It’s why I was so apprehensive of facing you in the tournament and why I followed you after the bloody coronation. It’s why I truly wanted to help you with the Lower Courts and help you at all times after. You are force any like I have seen before, Jude. I couldn’t have looked away nor did I want to.”
“No one cared enough to see me.” He divulges this quietly and Jude looks at him then, words written on her face. Before she speaks, he says, “Not until you did. And as much as it scared me then, I thank the stars that you did.”
“After all that, you could live with them thinking such things?” She says, reaching forward absentmindedly to brush a curl off his forehead. He catches her hand, mystified by her worry for him. For Jude understands what it is to be a pariah, inside and outside all at once. But he knows about that, too.
“I have lived long enough to know that I no longer care about what such fools have to say. I care about what you have to say. You are my wife and queen, in earnest. I will never allow anyone to deny that. Our business is our business, and you have nothing to prove. Neither of us do.” He squeezes her hand there, allowing her to feel the truth of his statement. He knows that last statement was for him as much as her.
She stares at him for a moment with stars in her eyes before shifting closer to him. Placing her head on his shoulder, she softly admits, “You’re better at this part than I am. I’m not used to being seen and deliberated on so much.” It’s an admission, one given in exchange for what he shared with her.
He huffs and leans down to kiss her on the head. “I have not seen you attempt one thing that you did not master, darling.” She, of course, scrunches her nose at this. He notices that some amount of tension has left her shoulders, though.
“Not true.” She says, lightly.
“How could I have said it if it was not?” He states smugly. She rolls her eyes at this, a small smile on her face.
“We will get through it together. I will not leave your side unless you wish it.” He states warmly and with conviction. He shifts back to look at her after he feels her nod. Stars, how he loves her.
“Come back to bed?” He whispers, heart fluttering despite his best efforts. She nods as he moves back to his side, that smile still on her face. As she lays back against his chest, he wraps his arms gently around her. There is a joy growing in chest, one he is not yet used to.
One he thinks he would like to grow used to.
“You know,” He adds. “You could decide to run away, crown be damned. I would come with you.” He knows that’s not what she wants. Still, he needs her to know he is with her regardless of what she chooses.
She smiles against his skin. “I know you would.” A beat passes. “I love you, Cardan.”
“And I love you.” He responds in kind, holding her close and feeling a sort of forever settling comfortably around them.