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I was only sixteen when i was diagnosed with the Hanahaki disease. The terrible illness of flowers growing out of the lungs, caused by the feelings of loving someone who will never love you back. The first few petals i hid, just saying i had a bad cough. Hiding it wasn't easy, practice with the team was the most difficult. One day i couldn’t hid the petals in my hands after a violent cough racked through my body, soft pink petals spilled over the court in a way i couldn’t help but think was beautiful. Everyone had crowded me, staring down at my convulsing body as i gasped for breath. The doctors who had diagnosed me told me i had a choice, live with the flowers till they killed me or remove them but lose the love i felt for him.
A few months later i was fully hospitalized, the petals spreading all over my lungs making my breath come in short huffs. I had never told anyone who it was i loved so dearly that I’d rather die than give up the feelings. I couldn't tell him I know he would try to save me, make me give up this hopeless love but i didn't want to. I didn't want to lose the way i felt about him, the way i admired him, the way i felt my heart rush with even a slight brush of hands, i just couldn’t give that all up. I know it was a selfish and irresponsible choice but it was my own life and i couldn’t imagine it with my love for him.
My doctor had told me that i only had few days left. I wasn’t scared or anything, i guess i could say i was happy. Happy i could die loving someone very close to me, even if he never felt the same for me. On my last days I only had one person by my side, my best friend. He had stuck by my side even when i made the choice to keep the petals. I knew I was close to dying, each breath shorter than the last. I had to do one last thing before i passed.
“Kei… I… I need you to tell you something…” my voice was weak and small. I had used up the last of my strength to pull him closer to me. “It’s you that i love Kei, you are the one who i am willing to die for, just to pass knowing i loved you with all my heart…” My breath was shaky as i stared up at my friend.
“Tadashi… why didn't you tell me? why would you put yourself through this, it isn't too late, please get the petals removed, don’t leave me like this!” Kei held me close, my eyes were drooping closed as i felt myself slipping away.
“Will you do one last thing for me Kei..? Before i go, kiss me once, let me leave with your lips on my mind…” I knew i was close, and i knew i was greedy to ask for a goodbye kiss.
“Tadashi, i don't want you to go…” I remember the tears welled up in my friends eyes. “I’m sorry I couldn’t love you Tadashi, but I’ll kiss you just once, so i know you pass truly happy…” The slow lean of Kei’s head and his soft plush lips against mine was my last memory before i passed on. The machine behind me flatlining. “Goodbye Yamaguchi Tadashi, i know i didn't love you in that was but know i loved you as a treasured friend… I’ll miss you.”