Chapter Text
Violet’s POV
I don’t want to wake him.
He’s finally at peace, his face relaxed in a way I rarely get to see anymore. No tension, no burden of leadership weighing on him, no rebellion to carry on his shoulders. For once, it’s just my Xaden, asleep beside me. I should let him rest.
But I can’t.
My mind won’t let me.
Varrish’s voice is still in my ears, cruel and mocking. My body remembers the pain, the cold, the choking fear that wrapped around me and refused to let go. Even though I’m here now, safe in this room, I feel like I’m still there, trapped. The walls feel too close, and my chest is tight, each breath harder than the last.
I curl my knees to my chest, trying to steady myself, trying to remind myself that I’m free. But it’s not enough. The memories are too strong, too vivid. I glance at Xaden. He’s so close, yet I feel so far away from him.
I don’t want to wake him. He deserves to rest. But I feel like I’m crumbling, like I’m going to shatter into a thousand pieces if I don’t reach out.
With a trembling hand, I nudge his arm, barely enough to move him. “Xaden,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
He stirs immediately, his instincts sharp even in sleep. His onyx eyes fly open, dark and alert as they land on me. “Violence?” His voice is rough with sleep, but the concern is instant. He sits up, scanning me for injuries. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
The tears come then, hot and unstoppable. I try to speak, but the words are caught in my throat. My hands shake as I reach for him, and before I even realise what I’m doing, I collapse into his arms, gripping him like he’s the only thing keeping me tethered to this world.
“Violet?” His voice softens, but his arms tighten around me, holding me close. “What happened? Please, talk to me.”
I shake my head vigorously. I want to, but I can’t. My throat feels raw, my chest aching from the screams I’m trying to suppress. All I can do is bury my face in his chest and cling to him, desperate to feel something solid, something real.
“I’m here,” he whispers, his voice breaking. “You’re safe. I’ve got you. I promise, you’re safe.”
The words crack something inside me, and a sob escapes before I can stop it. My whole body shakes as the fear and panic I’ve been holding onto spill out, and he just holds me tighter, his hand stroking my hair in soothing, steady motions.
“It was a nightmare,” I finally manage to choke out, my voice so small it doesn’t feel like mine.
He tenses, his arms going rigid around me. “Varrish?” he asks, his voice a low, dangerous growl.
I nod against his chest, unwilling to say the name aloud. Just the thought of it sends another shiver through me, the memories clawing at the edges of my mind.
He exhales sharply, his jaw clenching against my temple. “You’re not there anymore,” he says firmly, as if he can will the words into truth. “You’re here, with me. And I swear to the gods themselves, no one will ever hurt you like that again.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, my fingers twisting in the fabric of his shirt. “I didn’t want to wake you,” I whisper, my voice trembling. “You were finally resting, and I didn’t want to…” My voice breaks, and I can’t finish.
“Don’t,” he says firmly, cutting me off. His hand cups my face, tilting my chin up so I’m forced to meet his eyes. “Don’t ever hesitate to wake me. Not for this. Not for anything. I’m yours and you’re mine. I will be there for everything”
His eyes are fierce, burning with an intensity that makes the tears spill over again. He looks at me like I’m the most important thing in his world, like nothing else matters, and it breaks something in me all over again.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, though I’m not even sure what I’m apologizing for. For being weak? For waking him? For not being able to shake the fear?
“Don’t apologise,” he says, his voice soft but unyielding. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
I collapse into him again, letting his words and his presence ground me. He doesn’t let go, doesn’t pull away, not even as the minutes stretch on. He holds me like he’s afraid I’ll disappear, his steady breaths and whispered reassurances wrapping around me like a lifeline.
And for the first time since waking up, I start to believe him. I start to believe that I’m safe.
Because with him, I always am.