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“Hey.” The voice sounds like it’s coming from a little gremlin about to earn his place in Santa’s naughty list. “Watcha doing?”
Jisung throws himself over the piece of paper he’s been scribbling on to cover it from Felix’s prying eyes. It’s private, and it is so for very good reasons.
“Nothing,” he says, twisting his head to look at Felix with narrowing eyes.
Felix’s face suddenly shines with the brightness of a thousand suns.
“Is it something for me!?” he yells, his voice high pitched with excitement. He throws himself forward and playfully tries to get the piece of paper from under Jisung’s protective torso.
“Uh…” Jisung ponders his reply as he dodges Felix’s half-hearted attempts to steal it away. It’s not not something for Felix. It’s something for himself, something he might tell Felix about at some point, if he’s feeling brave enough. He might even invite him to join in some other time, if he is nice about the whole deal and doesn’t laugh at him.
It seems that Jisung takes too much time to answer, as Felix’s smile eventually disappears only to leave room for a kicked puppy look.
“Ah, it’s okay… No need to tell me about it, no worries,” Felix says, swaying his hand around. He’s way too nice to push Jisung to share what he’s been working on, but the pout he’s fighting disarms Jisung.
“It’s a letter to Santa,” Jisung blurts out. He visibly cringes. Hard. It sounds childish even to his own ears, and he wonders if Felix will make fun of him for engaging in something like this. It’s unlikely because Felix is a sweet man who would never do that to his long-term roommate turned best friend.
“A letter to Santa?” Felix asks nicely, an invite for Jisung to elaborate. He looks intrigued.
“Yeah, I…” Jisung takes the sheet of paper in his hands and idly plays with its corners. “It’s something I used to do with my eomma. Like most kids, I guess.” The chuckle he lets out isn’t particularly heartfelt. “She forced me do it until I turned eighteen. I might’ve been a stubborn teenager, but that never stopped her... And then I moved out and adult life took over and never did it again. Until today.”
Felix hums in thought, his left arm crossed over his chest and his right hand over his lips.
“So why not show me?”
Jisung blushes furiously.
“Did you ask for naughty toys, Jisungie!?” Felix gasps dramatically, pretending to be a scandalized ahjumma. It doesn’t last long before he once again tries to get his hands on the letter. “Will you share if Santa delivers?”
“That’s- Felix! That’s not it!” Jisung cackles, very deliberately ignoring Felix’s words. He’s perched himself on Jisung’s lap and has now resorted to the lowest tactic ever in order to get Jisung to spill the beans. Namely, he’s furiously tickling him.
“Then what is it?” Felix is also laughing at this point, it has all turned into a mess of limbs and giggles.
“Please, stop- Lix, please! I- I can’t-” Jisung can’t stop laughing, tears escaping his eyes and air escaping his lungs.
Eventually, Felix relents. He stares at Jisung with an arched eyebrow, questioning him while Jisung tries to catch his breath.
“Well then?” Felix presses, an amused smile tugging at his lips. He’s still sitting on top of Jisung, his left arm around Jisung’s shoulders and his freckles an inch too close.
“Well, I- I mean. The letter is actually meant for my eomma. It isn’t a list of presents I’d like. That’d be a bit silly.” Jisung worries the inside of his cheek. His hands are settled on Felix’s hips, which is a nice grounding feeling. “It’s a reflection on the past year and what I’d like to happen during the new one. It’s therapeutic, I guess? And I thought my eomma would like to receive this in her mailbox.” He shrugs, hoping Felix will be satisfied with the explanation because he can’t have him asking to read it.
“Can I read it?” Felix asks.
Jisung’s hands clench around the fabric of Felix’s hoodie, chastizing himself internally for having manifested it.
Of course Felix, of all people, can most definitely not read it.
“Eh…”
“It’s okay if you don’t want me to,” Felix says, always the empathetic, kind soul. Jisung breathes again and he’s about to thank him for being such an understanding friend when Felix jumps to his feet, snatches the piece of paper and runs away with it.
Jisung panics. Fight or flight? Try completely freeze, maybe.
“Felix!” he manages to yell from where he’s glued to his chair, but Felix is already running his eyes over the words. His maniacal, goblin-like smile starts fading away as he reads and Jisung’s heart plummets.
This is it.
This is the biggest trial their friendship will have to endure. Jisung really, really hopes they’ll be able to survive it, but seeing Felix’s face, he’s not feeling particularly confident about it. He braces himself for impact, closing his eyes and clenching his teeth.
“Sungie…” Right now, Jisung would rather not be called pet names, it feels too personal when he’s about to be let down. Best strategy right now is to be grown-ups about it, be cordial to each other and wait until it passes. “You’re in love with me?”
Jisung opens one eye, and then the other. Felix is shocked, that much he can tell.
“Yeah…?” he mumbles. “Please don’t hate me.”
Felix lets out a big, thunderous “Ha!” that rattles Jisung to the core.
“Hate you?” he says. “Sungie, baby,” Felix adds softly. Wow, he’s really nice, Jisung thinks. In a couple steps he’s back next to him, standing with Jisung’s knees in between his legs. Felix takes Jisung by the chin, forcing him to look up. Their eyes meet and Jisung sees that Felix looks… pleased? Is that a smile that he sees? Dare he feel a tad bit optimistic? “I love you.”
The words send a shock through Jisung’s spine. There are many opinionated voices having a heated debate tournament in his head right now, some arguing that he might mean it as friends, but Jisung desperately needs the one saying that this is not something unrequited to win.
It all becomes peacefully quiet when Felix leans down and presses their lips together. They’re the softest thing Jisung’s ever come in contact with, making him melt where he’s still seated. Felix’s coconut shampoo scent engulfs him, a familiarity that calms his nerves.
When Felix stands back again, he leaves behind a faint cherry taste and Jisung can’t help but lick his lips. The gesture makes Felix beam, looking endeared.
“Could I have another one?” Jisung asks, suddenly feeling very greedy.
“If you ask nicely,” Felix says, a smirk on his lips.
“Please?” Jisung pouts and, before he can process it, Felix is kissing him again. Jisung’s toes curl and he has a vague thought that he must be on Santa’s nice list because he just got the best present he could’ve asked for.