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"Leo, let's take this the other way around. In a situation where my peace would be the final goal for you, the answer for your question, and your longing in the midst of your greedーwhat if my death is the only way i can be at peace?"
Lukas then paused, his finger circling around the rim of the cup. Slowly, he tapped it. A smile gradually spread across his face. It was faint yet Leonard could sense there was hesitation and desperation.
Then he met his gaze with Leonard.
"Will you still come? To my entombment?"
Leonard by this time is just sitting across from him in silence, however he could sense there was an unprecedented distance between him and Lukas.
“You said it’s just a game. Why are you getting all worked up? What’s with this first question, Lukas?”
Maybe fueled by pity, Lukas tried asking Leonard again.
“If I were to die and I found that to be the peace I wanted, would you be able to accept it?”
Lukas talks as if he could be drifting away anytime soon. Leonard would never mind if Lukas was about to go anywhere because he is Lukas Askanier. His dearest friend with his miracle would bring him anywhere if he wanted just because he can do so. With a flick of a finger and then he was gone. His dearest friend would always go anywhere and tell Leonard to wait for him. Lukas would promise him he would come back alive but he never promised him in what state he would make it out alive.
Fractured legs, coughed blood, scarred faces, Lukas will still work things out in the end. He would be on his deathbed, consciousness drifting elsewhere but he would wave at Leonard as if exclaiming that ‘i promised you so here i am’ as if he wasn’t just an inch away from a fall.
Now, here is the final judgement that has been laid out by Lukas himself; what if Lukas died?
Leonard felt it was bumptious and arrogant not to acknowledge that Lukas could be dead. Lukas had what it means to turn the hourglass back to its place and Leonard would thank and preach to God for the fact that despite all that Lukas is still left as a human. Humans are not free from death and death is close. That isn’t exactly a difficult thing to acknowledge.
What Leonard emphasized now is how Lukas’s death came to be.
Was it the kind of death that people have in their sleep? The kind of death that pulls you in like a slumber, old age, as the only reason? Or was that the death that he wanted Lukas to have?
He contemplated whether he was in the right to voice out his answers. Why would Lukas ask this?
Leonard knew that this is just a theoretical question, because death that Lukas talks about is never said in its literal meaning, just a light topic he would bring in the middle of their idle times like this. Leonard knew that this is just a theoretical question, because there is a considerable amount of promise that Lukas has to keep by any means. Leonard knew it was a theoretical question, because Lukas will not die.
Leonard felt there was a lump in his throat, if he ends up answering that question, he knows he wouldn’t be capable of holding himself.
“...I might need some time to answer that.”
Short answer. Straight to the point. Leonard decided to run away.
“What is there to wait for? It’s just a game, Leo. I shoot you a what-ifs question and if you can't answer I get to ask you again, Just answer it and get it over with.”
“Lukas, you are aware of how much worth you possess in my life, don't you?"
Lukas nonchalantly nodded. Leonard didn’t buy that. “So, you just went ahead and put your death as the first question I have to answer?”
Lukas didn’t answer. Minutes passed and Leonard didn’t think Lukas would go so far and take his silence, it’s either him answering or else no one would be saying anything for the rest of the day.
“Well, it depends.” Leonard tried. “I hope you will truly be at peace.”
“Oh? And why is that?”
“I just…wish death will treat you kindly.”
Lukas then chuckled, his eyes looking at Leonard in disbelief. Far from ridicule, it was amusement. “You know, Leo, why do you keep on getting fixated on the fact that I'm happy or not? You keep asking it as if that's the only thing that you want from me."
“If I would’ve wished for your fall it wouldn’t suit me, Lukas.”
“Okay, fine. Let’s change the question.” Lukas slowly leaned back, obviously trying to appear civil. If Lukas brought back the death talk then Leonard didn’t want to play this game anymore. “What if your happiness didn’t have anything related to me?”
“What? That’s absurd.”
“Oh, just answer the question already for god’s sake!”
Leonard eyed Lukas, this time, with an obvious disappointment. Leonard knew that he was being childish but he always hoped that their happiness would always be tied to each other. If his friend is happy then he would be too. Leonard hoped happiness he himself had with Lukas to be contagious. The happiness that you share with your friend. It’s that simple.
“Then you are not happy by that moment.” Leonard answered.
Leonard noticed Lukas got caught off guard by the answer he delivered himself. But Leonard’s answer is already resolute. Lukas might’ve known that too. So Leonard decided to play along.
“You seem to like asking a lot of what-ifs, so I guess I deserve a go.”
“Sure, shoot it.”
“What if the only way for you to be happy is that you will be alive and at the same time your happiness will always be related to me?”
“Leonard Wittelsbach, are you serious?”
Had Leonard ever not been serious? There were times where he would try his best to play around but he wouldn’t be right now. Not when Lukas would randomly put him in this ‘what-if’ game and put his death as a challenge. So if Lukas thought his death would be a difficult question then Leonard wanted to contradict that.
“See? You can’t answer that. It’s a draw or else I won this game.”
“You literally just combined two things that I asked and flipped it upside down!”
“You put two things that you’re sure I won’t be able to answer, I did the same. Because you are sure your life and my happiness is important for me.” Leonard reached for his teacup, bringing it closer to Lukas’s until it made a clunk noise, as if he was celebrating for his unannounced victory. “And I did answer. It’s not always impossible to answer a question with a question, isn’t it?”
“I think I beat you to it.”
Leonard then sipped his tea.