Work Text:
am i weird for being overly attracted to my boyfriend?
u/5141111142220
me (m20) and my boyfriend (m19) have known each other since we were brats. after we got older we had some very rough years because of my shitty behavior but after i stopped acting like a fucking asshole to him all the time we eventually talked things out and we've been dating for a couple years now. we work in different parts of the same field right now, which wasn't exactly what we planned before but i am working on a way of helping him into his desired career.
anyways, we had very rough years. i thought i hated him for a long time, and even so i still fell in love with him, i just didn't want to admit it. during that time i would never admit i found anything about him attractive or whatever. not to others and not to myself. just before we started dating was when i finally got my head out of my ass to see how i found him hot, and that was years ago. this hasnt changed at all, actually it's getting fucking worse and very embarrassing. he always had somewhat of a "baby face" (which is a stupid ass expression), and i thought he was just always going to look a little younger and thats okay, he just looked slightly younger than me. that was until around the time we graduated. he just started to look..... adult-er ever since then. he doesn't get any facial hair still (thank god cause his ass would for sure grow a funky ass mustache i would hate) and his body didn't change a lot (we are both pretty bulky, have been for a long time) but it's something about his stupid face that's changed. maybe it's the jaw??? i don't know??? he just looks better and better and i'm getting flustered like a fuckass teen girl.
thats why i feel so fucking weird. we've known each other our whole lives, been together for years so why do i feel like this??? i don't think this is normal, i'm >used< to him being hot, i'm used to slightly kind of maybe sometimes thirsting after him so WHY AM I ACTING SO WEIRD. is it normal to have a crush on your partner so long into ur relationship?? i'm going insane, i think about him all the time. our work schedules tend to clash so our time together is kind of unpredictable, when we have time alone i can never tell if i want to just hold him until he gets sick of me or to absolutely jump his bones. the worse part is i think he's catching up on what's going on and i can tell this is starting to amuse him. he will never let me live this down.
i can't let him realize im a loser, please help me.