Chapter Text
“Sirius, please —”
“Take responsibility, Snape!” Sirius roared, his voice echoing off the cold walls of the bathroom. His strong hands tightened their grip on Snape’s collar, his fingers almost digging into the worn fabric of Snape’s shirt. Sirius’s eyes blazed with uncontrollable fury, and a low growl escaped his lips before he threw Snape to the floor with force.
The thud echoed through the silent space, followed by a muffled sound of pain. The damp floor of the bathroom quickly began to stain Snape’s clothes, leaving a trace of dampness on the dark shirt that clung uncomfortably to his cold skin.
“I told you, Sirius, I didn’t do anything—”
“ SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU BASTARD! ” Sirius’s scream was deafening, a thunder of rage that made Snape close his eyes instinctively. It was automatic, a reflex conditioned by repetition. He already knew what was coming next.
The blow came fast and unrelenting. Sirius’s fist collided with Snape’s nose, the crack of bone echoing in the confined space. Snape staggered back, his hand flying to his face as warm blood began to trickle down. The sharp, metallic tang filled his senses, but he held his ground, refusing to cry out.
Blood dripped steadily onto the slick tiles, mingling with the moisture already there. Snape remained motionless, his chest rising and falling in measured breaths, eyes fixed on the ground. He wouldn’t give Sirius the satisfaction of a reaction.
This wasn’t new. It never was.
Snape didn't react. He just stood there, motionless, with his eyes half closed, letting the blood drip onto the already wet floor. His body was tense, but his mind was exhausted.
He was so tired.
“I asked you a fucking question, Snape, what spell did you use to ruin James’ Quidditch game.”
“I told you… I wasn’t there at the game, I didn’t do anything..” Snape grumbles, blood runs down his mouth, he didn’t dare look up. He knew better. One glance, one wrong move, and Sirius would lash out again.
Sirius exhaled sharply, the sound thick with frustration. His grip on Snape’s collar slackened before he shoved him away, sending him sprawling. With one last vindictive kick to Snape’s calf, Sirius spat, “Fine. Lie all you want, Snape. But you’ll pay for this.”
The heavy footsteps retreated, leaving Snape slumped on the cold floor. His head throbbed, his body ached, but it was the weight of exhaustion—bone-deep and unshakable—that bore down on him most.
And still, he didn’t move.
—-------------------
“Fuck, that game was crazy!” James laughed as he strolled out of the infirmary, his grin wide despite the bandages covering a few minor scrapes. “Did you see how my broom just went haywire out of nowhere? Man, that was kind of awesome!”
Lily rolled her eyes and sighed, though a small smile tugged at her lips. She gave her boyfriend a light pat on the shoulder. “James, seriously, you need to be more careful. If you’d fallen from that height, you could’ve died!”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry, love,” James hummed, his voice softening as he pulled Lily close. His touch was uncharacteristically gentle, and he planted a light kiss on her cheek. Lily giggled, her cheeks tinged pink as she leaned into him.
Their relationship had long stopped being news to anyone, though there were plenty who hadn’t thought it would last. Yet here they were, the distance Lily had put between herself and Snape seemed only to strengthen their bond, with James not just her boyfriend but her closest friend—a role once held by Snape before things fell apart.
“Are you two done with the lovey-dovey nonsense, or am I interrupting something?” Sirius’s teasing voice cut through the moment as he strolled down the hallway toward them, a smirk tugging at his lips.
“Jealous, Padfoot?” James shot back, quirking a brow.
“Hardly,” Sirius retorted with mock indignation. “I’ve already got Remus, thanks very much for offering.”
Lily burst into laughter, and James clapped Sirius on the shoulder before letting go of her. The two friends embraced in a quick, familiar hug before stepping back, and Sirius’s smirk faded into something more serious.
“I think Snape did it.”
James’s playful expression morphed into a frown as he exchanged a glance with Lily. “Did what?” Lily asked, her tone cautious as she looked between the two men.
“Remember how James’s broom went out of control during the match?” Sirius prompted, his eyes narrowing.
“Of course,” Lily said, nodding.
“Well,” Sirius continued, his voice dropping slightly, “I think it was Snape. He must’ve put a spell on James’s broom right when he was about to catch the Snitch.”
The words hit James like a blow, and his jaw tightened as his brows knitted together. “ That son of a bitch ,” he muttered, his voice low and seething with anger.
Lily reached for James’s arm, her face tense with concern. But James’s mind was already racing, “Well, where is he now? I might as well put an end to all this teasing of his,” James said, his voice an odd blend of simmering anger and an almost unsettling cheerfulness.
“James, don’t —” Lily began, her tone sharp with warning, but James silenced her with another light kiss on her cheek.
“I’m just going to return the favor he did, Lily. Relax,” he said, flashing her a grin that did little to ease her concern.
“Well, no need anymore,” Sirius interrupted, his voice brimming with smug satisfaction. “I’ve already taken care of it.”
James’s expression shifted instantly, his scowl replaced by a wide smile as he turned to his friend. “Well, smartass, you’re not my best friend for nothing,” he said, laughing.
“Thank you, thank you,” Sirius replied with a theatrical bow, his voice dripping with mock grandeur. “It’s an honor to serve.”
Lily rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t help but laugh along with them. “You two are impossible,” she muttered, though the corners of her mouth betrayed her amusement.
“What’d you do, anyway?” James asked, his curiosity piqued.
“Oh, nothing too dramatic,” Sirius said, his tone deliberately casual. “ Let’s just say Snivellus might find himself with a bit of a bruise in his nose.”
James’s laughter rang through the hallway, his earlier frustration evaporating into a more mischievous energy. “A bruise on his nose? Oh, Padfoot, you’ve really outdone yourself this time,” he said with a smirk.
Sirius grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well, you know me. Always happy to help maintain justice in the wizarding world.”
Lily, however, wasn’t amused at all. “Justice?” she repeated, raising an eyebrow. “You broke his nose, Sirius. That’s not justice—that’s just cruel.”
Sirius shrugged, completely unfazed. “Come on, Lily. The git had it coming. He’s been skulking around causing trouble for ages. Besides, you didn’t see the way he tried to deny it when I confronted him. Slimy as ever.”
Lily’s expression hardened. “That doesn’t mean you get to stoop to his level.”
James placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pulling her attention back to him. “Lily, love, relax. Snape’s been a thorn in our side for years. Sirius just gave him a little taste of his own medicine.”
Lily sighed, her lips pressed into a thin line. “And what happens when he retaliates?”
“Then we’ll deal with it,” Sirius said, his grin sharpening into something predatory. “Like we always do.”
Lily shook her head, frustrated but resigned. “I swear, you two are going to end up in Azkaban one day if you keep this up.”
James laughed again, pulling Lily into a hug. “Come on, Lily. Don’t be so dramatic. It’s not like we’re plotting world domination.”
“Not yet, anyway,” Sirius added with a wink.
Lily couldn’t help but smile despite herself, though she quickly hid it behind a groan. “You’re both impossible.”
As the trio continued walking, James’s curiosity got the better of him again. “So, did he fight back?”
“Snape?” Sirius scoffed. “ Hardly . He just stood there bleeding all over the floor, looking like a kicked dog. Didn’t even try to hex me. Honestly, it was almost disappointing.”
James snorted. “Sounds like him.”
Lily, however, fell quiet, her steps slowing slightly as she mulled over Sirius’s words. “He didn’t fight back?” she asked, her voice softer, almost hesitant.
Sirius turned to her, his brow furrowing. “What’s your point, Lily?”
She hesitated, glancing between the two of them. “I don’t know. Maybe… maybe he’s not as bad as you think. Maybe he’s just… tired of all this.”
James’s expression darkened. “Tired? He’s been trying to ruin our lives since first year, Lily. Don’t tell me you’re feeling sorry for him.”
“I’m just saying,” she replied, lifting her chin defiantly. “Maybe it’s time to break the cycle instead of fueling it.”
Sirius rolled his eyes, already bored of the conversation. “You’re wasting your sympathy, Lily. Snape’s not some poor misunderstood soul. He’s a coward, plain and simple.”
James clapped a hand on Sirius’s shoulder, steering the conversation back to lighter ground. “Forget it, Lily. He’ll never change, and we’re not about to, either. Now, how about we go find Moony and see if he’s up for a butterbeer?”
Sirius grinned. “Now you’re talking.”
Lily followed them, still unconvinced but unwilling to press the issue further. As they disappeared down the corridor, her thoughts lingered on Snape, the image of him standing motionless in the face of Sirius’s wrath etched into her mind.
Maybe, just maybe, she thought, there was more to the story than either of them cared to admit.
---------------------------
Snape’s breath came in harsh, uneven gasps as he rubbed his left arm with relentless intensity. The skin, already raw and irritated, had turned an angry red, streaked with scratches. He felt the sting of fresh cuts reopening on his wrist, the faint warmth of blood mixing with the cold that seemed to seep into his very bones.
He was trembling, though whether from the chill of the damp bathroom or the storm of emotions inside him, he couldn’t tell. His arm ached, his body rebelled, but none of it compared to the disgust that coiled in his stomach, a sickness that churned and roiled until he felt like he might vomit.
Disgust with himself.
Why couldn’t he ever fight back? Why did he let himself become a punching bag for a pack of self-righteous Gryffindors, their taunts and fists landing as if they had every right to him? His anger wasn’t directed outward; it turned inward, gnawing at him, tearing him apart from the inside.
Maybe this was his fate.
A bitter laugh escaped his lips, though it sounded more like a hollow rasp. Fate. If such a thing existed, it had never been kind to him. His life was steeped in it—abuse, rejection, a series of circumstances that seemed to conspire against him from the moment he was born.
Born into a family that didn’t want him. His mother, distant and cold, had made it clear that his existence was little more than an unwanted consequence. Snape had been conceived not in love but in misery, a byproduct of unhappiness and cruelty.
And maybe that’s all he was destined to be: an extension of that same unhappiness, doomed to carry it forward, to grow into a life as bleak and unchanging as the one he’d inherited.
He closed his eyes, willing himself to stop the shaking, but it only grew worse. He hated himself for this moment of weakness, for every other moment of weakness that had led him here. Yet, as much as he despised the idea, he couldn’t help but feel that he deserved it.
Snape’s fingers stilled against his arm, his gaze falling to the blood now dripping onto the bathroom floor.
Fine, James.
You win.
A bitter smile curled his lips as the thought took hold, as the weight of despair settled in his chest like a stone. He’d take James’s advice—the one the arrogant Gryffindor had thrown at him in a moment of careless cruelty.
“I should just kill myself, huh?”
Yes.
But there was one thing James Potter didn’t understand.
This wasn’t surrender. This wasn’t escape.
It was vengeance.
Snape’s voice was barely above a whisper, yet it carried a sharp edge of resolve. “I’ll do it. But I’ll never leave you alone, Potter. Not in this life. Not in the next.”