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Erik
Once Charles arrives in Oxford for his mutant recruitment mission, every day at five PM, I get a call from him. Always a goodnight call, since it’s ten PM where he is. Sometimes, it’s not either of our intentions for it to be more than that, but sometimes he needs to talk, and I need to listen, or maybe it’s the other way around, but it’s rare if a phone call between us isn’t over an hour.
I look forward to it. Every day, around five, I put my phone where I can see it. Turn it on. Look at it, check it, almost obsessively. Raven’s commented on it a few times, but I don’t put it away. I can’t. What if I miss his call? What if I miss it and he goes to bed and I have to wait another day to talk to him? What if–
My phone ringing startles me from my game of chess with Hank. One glance at the contact–
“Charles <3”
–and my heart skips a beat. I instinctively go to reach for it, but freeze and look up at Hank.
He nods and gives me a half-shrug. “You can take it. We can finish the game later.”
“Thanks.” I scoop up the phone and answer it on the way up to the room that I share with Charles. “Hey, darling.”
Static, a few awkward thumps and footsteps, then:
“Hey.”
Immediately, my stomach crunches up. Even over the phone, he sounds exhausted. I reach our room and flop onto the bed. “How are you?”
“I’m tired.”
“Seems like you’re always tired nowadays.”
“Well, you’re not wrong.”
The click of a light, and the rustle of clothes crackles from the other end. Charles sighs, and maybe it’s just the shitty connection, but his breath sounds shaky on my end.
I lean into that information. “Are you okay?”
Charles responds a bit quickly: “Yeah, yeah, I’m…” Pause. A long one. “No, I’m not…” His voice wobbles, and yeah, he’s definitely shaking.
A deep frown etches itself onto my face. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, it’s…a lot of things, I guess. Everything’s going wrong. I haven’t found a single other mutant who actually wants to listen to me. It’s been raining all day and you know how much I hate that.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“And then…” He sniffs, and I can picture the tears in his eyes. “It’s-it’s really stupid, but there were leftovers from a restaurant that I was looking forward to having tonight for dinner, but when I got back to the hotel, they were bad, so I couldn’t, but I’d been thinking about it ever since I woke up that morning, and that was getting me through the day, and I was already feeling like shit because the day didn’t go well and it was raining, and I’m just too damn sensitive,” He takes another breath and speeds onward. “There were two things I was looking forward to today: Eating my leftovers, which I couldn’t do, because apparently, the world hates me. And then you, but even that…”
I stare into my lap as the familiar pang of loneliness strikes me.
“…I-I feel like I’m only getting half of you!” he sobs. “You’re here, but you’re not here!” He inhales sharply and pauses as if to yell something, but instead all that comes out is a small, whimpering, “I just miss you…”
Hearing the brokenness in his voice makes my own eyes well with tears and I sniff. “I-I know… I miss you too. I’m so sorry.”
“No, don’t be.” Charles sighs, his voice growing muffled for a moment. “It’s…it’s not your fault. I was the one that thought it was necessary to recruit more mutants. And my travel plan extends for another month. Erik, I…” A sob crackles from the other end of the phone line. “I just really miss you.”
My heart aches, more than it has throughout the whole two months since he left. It was bound to happen eventually, with long distance, there was bound to be a crash where we’re both terribly lonely and crying on the phone. We were both expecting it. That doesn’t make it any easier to hear him fighting back tears and I can’t do anything; I can’t hug him, I can’t kiss him, I can’t hold him and wipe his tears away… And when he has anxious breakdowns or a night where his depression is really bad, sometimes it’s only my arms around him that can lull him to sleep.
“Sorry,” Charles whines. “I-I gotta go to sleep. I’m really tired. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay, darling.” I cradle the phone in my hand as if I’m holding his face. “I love you.”
“Love you too. Bye.”
“Goodbye.”
We both hesitate in ending the call, but eventually Charles ends it. I slump against my pillows. God DAMMIT. It does not get any easier…
Erik
A few days later, I’m jerked out of a deep sleep by a blaring ringtone. My phone vibrates on my en-table and I squint through the darkness at the time. Almost 3AM. I scramble blindly for my phone, my eyes sticky with sleep, and when my vision focuses and I see Charles’ name on the screen, all my grogginess evaporates at once.
Oh no. He’s calling me at 3AM, which he typically avoids unless he really needs to. I can’t answer the phone quick enough, and my heart rate accelerates when I hear short, panicked breathing on the other end, punctuated by choked sobs. “Charles, are you okay?” The words are tumbling out of my mouth before I can stop them and I mentally slap myself. Stupid question. Fucking hell, clearly he’s not okay, how insensitive was that?
Charles’ puffs of breath are bursts of static through the phone. “I’m-I’m so sorry, I didn’t know who else to call, I-I’m freaking out…”
“No, no, it’s okay.” I scramble to a sitting position and toss my legs over the edge off the mattress, finding a semi-comfortable position. I don’t even need to ask– it’s definitely a panic attack. He hasn’t had one in a while, shit… I pull myself into gear and speak evenly and calmly over the phone. “Okay, try to breathe, love. I’m right here.”
“No, you’re,” his words catch on a sob, “you’re not, that’s…that’s the worst part!” He groans, and it quickly turns into heaving breaths. “I-I need you and you’re-you’re not here… Oh, God, I can’t breathe…”
“No, no, no, you’re all right. Remember what we’ve worked on. Long, gentle breaths. Pretend I’m there. Put your hand on your stomach and breathe into it.” I want to be there so bad that my hands start cramping because dear GOD, I wish I could just hold him… Physical comfort is something that Charles really values, and to some extent needs, and when he’s in this state, that’s one of the things that’s most healing for him. I can picture him, his back pressed up against the bed and his legs curled in front of him, and he’s clutching the phone with one hand and rubbing his chest with the other. But there’s an empty spot beside him where I wish I could be, and usually I am, and it hurts so goddamn bad that I can’t be there…
“Erik?” he gasps.
“I’m here. Keep breathing, that’s good. Good job, love, you’re doing great.”
Charles’ labored breathing is slowing to a more practiced rhythm, in deeply, out deeply, and his crying has grown less intense.
“That’s it. Take your time. I’m right here.” I know that’s not technically true, but Charles needs the reassurance that I’m, at the very least, here live on the phone. But my arms still itch to hold him, and I miss his warmth in my embrace.
Charles’ breathing is starting to sound less panicked and more exhausted.
“There you go. You sound better.”
“Yeah,” he sighs, sounding utterly spent.
I draw a hand down over my face to try and release some of my own tension. “Are you…all right? I mean– okay, clearly not, but was there a trigger?”
Charles moans. “I don’t know, I’m just…tired. Burnt out. I’ve been going, going, going for the past week, trying everything I can to make any progress, and all this exhaustion is getting to me. I haven’t been sleeping well either.”
“Why is that, do you think?”
“Um…it’s kind of stupid.”
“Okay, surely not. What is it?”
“It’s… I’m so used to sleeping with you. Having you next to me. I think it’s all catching up to me.” His voice grows thin and tight, caving to his emotion. “It feels stupid to say that I miss you so much, but…going from seeing you every day and being with you every day to now suddenly going two months without seeing you at all, it’s… Honestly, it’s downright shit.”
I nod, silently agreeing. “Yeah. I feel it too.”
“I miss being hugged by you, and no one else hugs me like you do. You hold me in a specific way that makes me feel loved, and I-I need that. Sometimes. Times like…tonight. The other night. And plus, I don’t even know anyone well here. And I…” There’s a lengthy pause. “I just miss you. A lot. That’s all it is. It’s all overwhelming me at once…”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Charles doesn’t acknowledge my apology. Instead, he goes on to end the conversation. “Anyway, you’re probably tired. I’ll let you go. Thanks. For helping me out. Sorry for calling you in a panic like this. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
I smirk. “As your boyfriend, it’s part of the job description to worry about you.”
Charles chuckles, a welcome sound in the heavy darkness. “I love you.”
“I love you too, darling.”
Charles sighs. “All right, I guess I’ll…talk to you tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I debate over whether to not to say anything else, but I ultimately decide against it. “Call again if you need me.”
“‘Kay.” A beat. “Thanks again.” He ends the phone call and I stare at Charles’ contact.
Shit.
I stuff my face in my hands, the hands that are still tingling with an overwhelming desire to be there for my boyfriend who just so happens to be over 3,000 miles away. And I can’t even visit–
Visit.
Wait, wait, I could visit. Who says I can’t? I don’t have anything going on. I was left to care for the house and the children, but who says they can’t come with me? Charles could use a day with us. And we– I– could use a day with Charles.
In a split second, I solidify my decision.
I don’t sleep another wink that night, and I spend the hours making travel plans. I feel more invigorated than I have all week. This could take as little as a day or two if I’m quick. I picture Charles’ smile, and I tear up.
I’ll keep it a surprise. It’s the best kind of surprise.
Erik
The next morning, I confront Raven about it the moment that she enters the kitchen to make coffee.
I look up from my breakfast. “We’re going to Oxford.”
Raven blinks at me, still bleary-eyed. “Hmm?”
“I’m going to Oxford. You all should come with me.”
Raven squints at me. “Wh-what? Where is this coming from?” After a moment’s pause, her eyes widen. “Wait, Charles. Is he okay? Did something happen? Please tell me– .”
“He’s all right. Physically, at least.” I scratch the back of my neck in a nervous habit. “He called me at three in the morning and he was in the middle of a panic attack. He’s been having a rough time. The mission isn’t going well, and he’s just missing me, missing everybody. I thought it’s high time for us to pay him a visit. He needs it.”
Raven listens to what I’m saying and she nods after I’m done. “Okay, then. Done. Let’s make it happen.”
My heart warms at her immediate affirmation.
“When do we go?”
“I already bought tickets for all of us. We can catch a flight today at noon. That way we’ll be there by the time Charles is finished for the day.”
Raven scoffs. “So we don’t have any choice in the matter?”
“Nope.” I gulp down the rest of my coffee. “Plus, it’ll be good for Charles to see all of us.”
“Mainly you.”
I smirk. “Well, yes. But he loves you all. He’ll be happy.”
“Should we tell him?”
“No!” I clarify at once. “I want it to be a surprise. Please.”
Raven holds up her hands. “Okay, okay, duly noted.”
Charles
My body is unbearably heavy when I get back to my hotel that night. Another day of gloomy weather and unsuccessful encounters, and I’m getting so goddamn done with it. Every day is a drag, and I wake up already fed up with each and every one. Only the phone calls with Erik get me mentally through the hours. That, and the occasional fancy meal I’m able to grab from a restaurant or two.
I plunk my bags on a chair and retreat immediately to my bedroom. I’m tired, I’m so goddamn tired… Every muscle aches. My eyes are simultaneously drooped from exhaustion, and at the same time, anxiety keeps them locked open. It was going well– or fine, I suppose– until this past week or so, when all of the stress and the problems and the little things and Erik’s absence all caught up with me at once and now I can barely stand the lonely hours anymore.
I don’t how much longer I can do this. I want to finish out the mission, I really do, but…
Another month?
I can’t. I’ll go insane without Erik’s arms around me, without his kiss burning on my lips.
My phone vibrates against my hip and I pull it out, puzzled. It’s barely 8PM, too early for Erik to call me.
It’s Raven’s name on my phone.
She never calls me out of the blue like this. Hmm. Something’s off about this.
I answer the phone and immediately begin with, “Are you okay?”
Raven chuckles. “I’m fine. You worry too much.”
I laugh heartlessly. “Yeah, well, there’s a reason why I have clinical anxiety.” I sigh, rubbing my temples as a headache sets in. “What-what is it? You don’t typically call me randomly like this, especially not this late at night.”
“Look out your window. Toward the hotel parking lot.”
I scrunch my eyebrows in and put away the items in my bag to keep my free hand occupied. “What? What are you talking about?”
“Just do it.”
“Why? You’re being weird, what’s going on?”
“Do you trust me?”
I stop moving, starting to grow a bit concerned. “Something’s wrong. You’re never like this. What’s wrong?”
“Just trust me for once in your life and do as I say. You won’t regret it.”
I groan and trudge over to my window near the living room couches. I peel the curtains away from the window to peer out into the muddy darkness. The parking lot is shadowed with cars, and I spot a small group of people huddled under a streetlight with suitcases gathered around them. I do a double take, a triple take. Wait, I know them.
Whoa, whoa, wait.
There’s Sean, Hank, Alex, Raven, and–
Erik.
Erik.
It’s ERIK.
I open my mouth to scream or cry or something along those lines, but all that comes out is a slurred, “What the hell?”
Far down below, Raven passes her phone to Erik.
My heart launches into my throat as I hear his voice and watch his lips move in time with his words:
“Surprise, love.”
He’s here. He’s actually here.
I end the call and stumble away from the window, hurling my phone onto the couch. I rip my door open, slam it way too hard behind me, and make a mad dash toward the stairs. I can’t spare any time, the elevator would be too long, and holy dear God Erik is here, he’s HERE, he’s right outside.
I’m four floors up, and my legs sear with exertion with every flight of stairs. It barely fazes me. I almost trip five or six different times and I have to catch myself on the railing so I don’t collide with the wall. This barely fazes me either. My heart is in my mouth now, my pulse pounding in my veins, and I’m shaking, my legs are shaking, I don’t fucking care, Erik is here, Erik is here, Erik is HERE.
Everyone else, too. Sure.
But ERIK.
I reach the ground floor and pelt through the lobby, disregarding a staff member’s order for me to slow down. The automatic doors aren’t fast enough and I have to squeeze through them. The crisp chill of the evening hits my skin, I hadn’t even thought to grab my coat, it’s definitely cold enough to harbor frost.
“Charles!”
I whip around and see him– my beautiful Erik, waving at me under the pale light of the streetlamp. His smile is giant, and I match it.
“Erik!” I choke out, and my legs catapult me toward him. I leap into his arms, curling my entire body around him, my legs looped around his lower waist, and he drops his suitcase to hold me in the air. I sink my face into his shoulder and burst into happy tears. I don’t care how loud I am, I don’t care how messy it is, I don’t care, Erik’s here, he’s here, he’s HERE.
I don’t care that it’s a public parking lot, that there are people walking past us, that the rest of the team is here. I’m not even bothered by the fact that Erik is literally holding me suspended in the air like he’s cradling a child, and that I can feel the awkward discomfort of the people walking past, I don’t care, I don’t care.
He holds a hand against the back of my head, ruffling my hair, pressing my face further into his shoulder as I sob into him. His other hand carries my lower back, keeping me supported against him.
“Oh, Charles…” he sighs into me, his breath fluttering on my neck.
“You’re here…” I sob, laughing through tears. “You’re here, you’re actually here…!”
“I’m here, Charles. It’s gonna be okay.”
His words, this hug, this long-awaited, glorious hug, heals something in me. It restores me, revives me, fills me up with a tingling energy, more energy that I’ve had in well over a month. I feel present, I feel alive.
I feel home.
I remove my face from Erik’s shoulder and drop back onto the ground, laughing in disbelief. I glance around at the rest of the team. “Hi, everyone. Sorry.”
Alex lets out a snort of laughter and Raven is beaming at us.
A thought hits me.
What are they doing here?
I shake my head, gesturing to all of them. “Wait, wait– What-what are you guys doing here? You didn’t tell me about any of this! When did you decide that you were coming? And-and you just didn’t tell me?”
“It was a few nights ago,” Erik responds. “When you had your panic attack. It hurt being away from you, and I knew you needed me. So immediately after I got off the phone with you, I started making plans to come visit.”
“You didn’t tell me?”
“I wanted it to be a surprise.”
Still panting from all the running, I double over, hands on my knees, riding the crazy, dizzying high that is Erik’s presence.
Erik chuckles. “You okay?”
I exhale shakily. “Oh, my God, I’m lightheaded…”
Erik’s voice takes on a familiar, concerned tone. “Wait, are you actually? Do you-do you need to sit down or something?”
“No, I’m all right.” I straighten my posture and rub my eyes as I get over the dizziness. “You… I mean, do you all have rooms? Where are going to stay?”
“Well,” Raven interjects. “Sean, Alex, Hank, and I all got a suite together in this hotel.”
Erik grabs his small suitcase. “And I was gonna stay with you in your room. If that’s all right with you.”
I scoff. “I would expect nothing less.”
When it’s all established, I take his hand and we all head into the hotel. The others get checked into their rooms and Raven, Alex, Sean, and Hank retreat into the room that they picked, which is a few doors down from mine.
Erik and I escape into my– our– room, and I make sure to lock the door behind us.
Erik kicks off his shoes. He wheels his suitcase into my bedroom and moves it into a corner. “I’ll unpack later.” He turns around and sets his sights on me.
We both know what we want.
We fly across the room towards each other and our mouths collide like two exploding stars. The lines between us blur, and we’re on each other, both horribly touch-starved. I’m slightly more hungry than he is. Slightly. Caught up in it all, I tug ravenously at his shirt, fingers fighting to remove it, and Erik pulls away, grasping my hands in his own.
“Easy, love. Let’s go slow. We’ve got time.”
“Less talking, more kissing.” I seize the front of his shirt, yank him a bit aggressively toward me, and slam his mouth onto mine. Despite Erik’s comment, he mimics my energy. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do, and I let my lips tell my stories. Words can wait.
He’s here, I can’t believe he’s HERE.
He’s here, I’m here, we’re together after so long apart…
The world seems slightly more manageable with him by my side.
Erik has brought home to me.