Chapter Text
There was loud music dancing in the air. The ship sank from side to side as the crew slid from one side to the other with beer mugs in their hands. Everyone except for Sanji, of course. He was too elegant for that, so he was satisfied with a glass of wine that rocked in his hands. He was drunk as well, but handling it better than Zoro. Zoro was a mess.
Sitting on the wooden floor of the ship, Zoro watched as his friends smiled and had fun, dancing, drinking and talking loudly. Despite the party, Zoro felt a lump in his heart. He remained hunched over himself, trying to ignore it. But here he was again. Again. Watching as Sanji made a fool of himself in front of a girl. The cook was leaning on his hands to be closer to Nami, who was talking to Luffy without minding. But Sanji was insistent, that was a characteristic that Zoro specially liked, only not in this particular manifestation. Even from the corner he was in, he could hear him:
“Nami, my dear princess, we should celebrate by dancing, don´t you think?”. The pirate´s responde was always the same, she looked away, somewhat tired of Sanji´s outburst declarations. “This is a night to remember… I know!” he tried “We should commemorate it with a kiss”, followed by the cook approaching Nami with his lips extended in a comical way. For some reason, this was enough for Zoro.
So many nights he had remained silent watching his crush throw himself to whatever moved. Approaching any woman who wouldn't pay attention to him, who couldn't care for him, love him, and caress him the way he needed. And this was it. Not even knowing what he was doing, he got up and walked towards the cook who was now alone. Nami and Luffy had gone to who knows where. Sanji didn't pay attention to him, he was used to having Zoro around, always stealing a little contact when he could, asking for fights, fists grazing faces. So far it had been enough for Zoro. He was content with watching Sanji from afar, his hair, his mouth around his cigarette and his elegant hands, the way he moved, how he smiled, how he managed to start a conversation with anyone. How he enjoyed being alone, in silence, like him. How he protected Luffy, how he tried to help everyone. He saw all this and felt his heart swell until it exploded, and then he looked for a fight. Sanji always gave it to him. But a sneaky touch wouldn't be enough tonight. Tonight Zoro wanted it all.
With shaky steps, Zoro moved closer until he was facing the cook. Sanji looked up, eyebrows raised, eyes bored, and a cigarette in his mouth. Zoro smelled the air, intoxicating. He had never liked people who smoked, but with Sanji it was different. With Sanji everything was different. With him, Zoro could imagine a future, security, companionship. With him Zoro could imagine himself happier than he had ever been. And that was why this was so terrifying. The smell of cigarettes relaxed his tense body, as it always did when they were in the middle of a fight and Zoro sensed a cloud nearby. "Sanji is here," the smell used to tell him, and that was enough to make him feel braver than ever. Now, the smell warned him that he was too close to the cook. Sanji looked at him intrigued, but still with that slight layer of boredom, of distance, distance that Zoro only knew how to shorten with a fight. But he didn't want to fight tonight. God. He didn't want to fight. He wanted to wrap his arms around him, feel the smell of cigarettes engulf him completely and sink into him. The fantasy almost took his breath away.
"Marimo? What's wrong? Did you hit your head?" Sanji called with a lazy smile on his lips. That awful nickname. It was so stupid. It never failed to make his heart dance in his chest.
“No” he answered, barely audible. But Sanji could hear him because he was so. fucking. close. He was almost leaning into him, his feet were behind him, keeping his distance, but his torso was bent, as if he wanted to get as close as possible to his beloved.
“Are you so drunk that you lost your mind? What are you doing?” Sanji asked warily, taking a step back and finding himself between the ship´s mast and Zoro´s unstable body.
“I must be” Zoro said, mostly to himself, bracing for whatever his mind wanted to try right now. He'd never been this close, never dared to try. What could he say to him now? “I want to kiss you”? “I've been in love with you for years”? “Do you think you could ever even like me”? None of it would make sense to Sanji. In fact, it would most likely scare him and take from Zoro whatever comfort he had left. He thought about going back to his corner, drinking till he passed out and forgot all of this. But Sanji was in front of him, as handsome as ever, and he couldn't do it anymore.
He had thought about confessing maybe a hundred of times, but his imagination always cornered him to the same wall. Sanji liked girls. Not only that, Sanji liked pretty, skinny, tinny girls. And Zoro was a rough, muscular, big man. When he was a kid he dreamed of looking like this, but now, when he standed next to Nami, he felt almost like a monster. A big, idiotic, inarticulate monster that throwed things in its path. What could Sanji get from him? Only one sad and ugly hope resided in him when Zoro saw how girls rejected Sanji. It was vulgar, despicable, but the last thing he could hold on to.
Sanji was lonely, just like him.
So, with that in mind, he decided to talk. To throw all security to the board and open himself up with a knife. Mostly because he couldn't take it anymore, he had to get something from Sanji, even if it was just scraps. Even if it was just his worst nights, only the love he had for others who would waste it.
With the beer in his body pushing him to the edge, he put both his arms to the wall, locking Sanji in. Zoro couldn't lift his eyes. He felt everything in him holding his breath, his stomach dancing in his body and making him wanna take a step back to puke. But he didnt´t. He steadied himself and braced for the sound of his voice saying the impossible.
"Give me a call if you ever get lonely" he started, eyes glued to the floor, his voice hoarse, his throat constricted, his hands trembling at the side of Sanji´s head. With the last piece of dignity in him he looked up, head lowered, to give Sanji his most fierce look. Maybe he could appear confident, manly. But the sight of pure confusion in the man destroyed whatever hope that might have still survived in him.
"I´ll be like one of your girls" he said, voice a weak whisper.