Chapter Text
🎄 Ryuji 🎄
On the fourth floor of a large office building, the staff from Metaverse Travel Agency are abuzz with Christmas Spirit. Every cubicle is topped with tinsel. The break room overflows with the scent of cocoa and eggnog. (Which may or may not have been spiked by one of the rowdy interns.) It’s the last day of work before the Christmas-New Year holiday, and everyone is filled with holiday cheer.
Everyone except Ryuji Sakamoto.
He sits inside his private office, staring out at the city beyond his window. A slow drizzle has picked up into a proper rainstorm. Allowing his eyes to become unfocused, the spots of water on the glass blur together with the neon lights. A swirling rainbow display that shines in stark contrast to his mood.
Turning his head, Ryuji glances at the doorway leading into the break room where the annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest is being held. His best friend Ann is in charge of it this year, and she’s taking her job very seriously. Clipboard in hand, she’s been roaming the office all day collecting votes and judging contestants. She’s already eliminated three people for breaking some kind of arbitrary rule.
If she wasn’t in charge of the judging, she’d probably win. Her own sweater is probably the worst of the bunch. Neither she, nor her girlfriend Shiho, seem to have any skills at sewing. The appliqued reindeer on the front is… Monstrous. It doesn’t really even look like a reindeer. More like a small dog whose giant googly eyes are melting off its face.
Exhaling a would-be breath of laughter, Ryuji thinks, Akira would have loved this.
Akira Kurusu, once called the Golden Boy of the office. He was the one person in the company who seemed to have it all. A top position managing his own team. A fast sports car. Admiration from his boss and coworkers. Buckets of money. (Though that turned out to be more or less a rumor.) Ryuji had hated him almost immediately and had considered him something of a work rival for a long time.
All that ended a year ago when they were sent on a special last-minute assignment to broker a deal with a ski resort in California.
To keep from bickering the entire trip, they made a pact to approach the assignment as though they were on a lover’s vacation. Complete with a list of rules to follow to keep things ‘appropriate’. Somewhere between snowboarding lessons and getting stuck on a ski-lift, they developed feelings for each other. Or rather, Akira’s had always been there. It was Ryuji who fell head over heels for his coworker mid-trip.
They didn’t get together right away. After returning home, they argued over what their relationship should be. Akira couldn’t bring himself to date Ryuji, not when he was about to take a position that would put him even higher up the corporate ladder. And Ryuji felt overwhelmed and confused by how quickly his feelings had changed from hate to like.
But by New Years, with some help from Ryuji’s mom, the two of them worked it out.
Akira left Metaverse to pursue his dream of working at Le Blanc, a cafe owned by his found-family.
And Ryuji stayed at Metaverse, working hard for a year to go from his initial promotion, to head photographer and project manager. It’s almost the same position Akira had been in before he left. Ryuji manages his own team and works large assignments. He’s not raking in the big money yet, but he’s making more than he ever expected he could. Leaving him feeling financially comfortable.
No longer coworkers, the two of them became a couple, and they’ve been dating for almost a year.
And Ryuji is happy.
“Why are you making that horrible face?” Ryuji glances up as Ann enters his office. Her reindeer-dog sweater stares him down ominously. Ann crosses her arms and her expression becomes stern. “Okay, spit it out. What’s going on?”
“I could ask you that.” Ryuji slouches in his chair. It honestly feels horrible on his back, but he’s too lazy to correct his posture. “Ann Takamaki, Golden Girl of the office.”
“I’m here to get your vote for the sweater contest.” Ann thrusts her clipboard into Ryuji’s face. “I know you meant that as an insult, but I’m honestly flattered to be compared to Akira. He left quite the mark on this place. Everyone’s been talking about him.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. Saying how the annual Christmas party isn’t the same without him. How they miss seeing him around the office. How jealous they are of your ‘close friendship’ with him.”
Ryuji forces his body to bend so that he can sit back up in his chair. “You don’t think anyone suspects…?”
“Even if they did, what would it matter?” Ann shifts a stack of folders out of the way so that she can sit on the corner of Ryuji’s desk. “It’s been a year. I don’t think Akira plans to come back here. You don’t have to keep your relationship so close to your chest. You don’t need to protect him.”
“I do need to protect him.” Ryuji snaps, but Ann doesn’t flinch or react. “He’s been all messed up since he got back from his trip, and that was like, two months ago.”
At his parents behest, Akira went with them on a trip to visit his grandparents. An already awkward family vacation was made worse by a slip-up that forced Akira to come clean about both his sexuality, and his relationship with Ryuji. And while his parents have been mostly supportive, his grandparents are anything but.
“What happened?” Ann asks, “I can’t get Akira to talk about it, and you’ve been off on one assignment after the other for Kawakami.”
“They freaked out,” Ryuji mumbles. He opens and closes the clip on the clipboard, eyes roaming the list of Ugly Sweater contestants blindly. The name Yuuki Mishima catches his attention. He’s a member of Ryuji’s current team, and so he gets the vote. As Ryuji moves to hand the list back to Ann, the clip slips out of his grasp and snaps shut, startling them both enough to jump.
“Dammit, Ryuji,” Ann scolds, but there’s no real fire in her words. She settles the clipboard atop her lap and then waits. She can be obnoxiously patient when it comes to finding out something she wants to know. It’s a wonder she hasn’t cornered him sooner.
“It’s like I said. They freaked out. Pretty much blew up on him. They threatened to disinherit him. Not that he cares about their money, but when that didn’t work, they kept threatening him. Break up with me or they’ll get me fired. Break up with me or they’ll go after Sojiro and Le Blanc. It’s all bullshit, or so Akira says. He doesn’t think they have the power to do anything. They’ve mostly been all talk his entire life, but he still took it to heart.”
Ann doesn’t seem to know what to say, but her expression speaks volumes. Mostly unbridled fury, but in her eyes Ryuji can tell how upset she is. He knows the feeling.
“When he told me what happened, the look on his face-” Ryuji curls his hands into fists atop his desk, “He looked so low, and I've never seen him like that.”
“Did his parents do anything to defend him?”
“They tried, but they’re kind of in the same boat. Must be some kind of Kurusu family trait. Force yourself to live up to unrealistic expectations for people who don’t give a damn in the first place.”
“I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but he’s going to be okay.” Ann slides down off of the desk, practically landing herself in Ryuji’s lap. She hooks her arms around his neck to pull him into a hug.
“He has you to build him back up. Plus Shiho and I. Boss and Futaba. Your mom. Morgana. We’ll make sure he knows how loved he is.”
“You had to include that stinky cat, huh?” Ryuji grumbles as he presses his face into the soft fabric of Ann’s sweater. The reindeer-dog’s eyes stare at him in his peripheral. Haunting. “You better let go before someone sees us, or they might get HR involved.”
Almost on cue, the door to Ryuji’s office opens. “Sakamoto, I’ve got those proofs-” Yuuki Mishima stops dead in the middle of his sentence. Then he stutters his way back out of the room, “I’m so sorry! I’ll come back later!”
Ann pulls out of the hug with a sly smile on her lips, “Who’s reporting us to HR? Mishima?”
“Eugh, probably not Mishima.” Ryuji shrugs, and then begins to laugh. It comes out of nowhere, but it helps him to relax. “You and Shiho still good to meet up with us for New Years?”
“We’ve got our tickets booked and bags packed! I can’t wait to see your mom.”
“She’s going overboard with the whole hosting thing.”
“Akira's parents are meeting you at her place for Christmas?”
“Yup. An entire week of being trapped in the house with our parents.” Ryuji makes a show of rolling his eyes. “Futaba and Sojiro are going to be there too. I have no idea how we’re all supposed to fit in the house. Mom won’t let anyone get a room at a hotel.”
“Yeah, well, Shiho and I better not be sleeping on the floor.”
“I ain’t making any promises.”
“I mean it.” Ann scrubs her knuckles through Ryuji’s hair, collects her clipboard, and then makes for the door. “Merry Christmas, Ryuji. Tell Akira I said hi, and we’ll see you soon.”
“I’ll let him know. Same to you and Shiho.” Ryuji stands up from behind his desk, deciding to go home early. He isn't getting any work done anyway.
Ryuji collects his camera bag, a few files, and his jacket, and then locks his office up. He’s nearly at the elevator hallway when a voice comes calling after him.
Oh hell no.
“Sakamoto! I know you can hear me!” Kawakami. She’s moving double time through the maze of cubicles. Ryuji seriously considers making a break for it. She won’t run after him, he knows from experience, but he also doesn’t want to get chewed out later. “Do not leave the building. My office. Now!”
With as much hesitance as he can muster, Ryuji forces himself to obey her command. He can hear her calling for the other members of his team. Whatever she wants, it’s not good.
🎄 Akira 🎄
“Let’s go! It’s movie time!” Futaba comes racing down from the attic above Le Blanc. It sounds like a herd of animals instead of one small woman. The mental image of that is enough to make Akira smile.
“Alright, let’s go.” Akira slips out of his apron and into his jacket. “You sure you’re good to close up, Boss?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. It’s been slow.” Sojiro waves the two of them off toward the door. “It’s supposed to rain later, so let me know if you need me to come pick Futaba up.”
“If it rains, I’ll drive her back myself.”
“In that junk-heap you call a car? No. I’ll come get her.”
“It’s not a junk-heap.” Akira protests, even though the truth is… His car is actually kind of trash. The poor thing runs on hard to find used car parts and miracles. But he loves it and wouldn’t trade it for anything. No, he’s going to drive that car until it finally dies. Which, with how it’s been sounding lately, could be any day. “You hate driving at night. I’ll get her a cab. How about that?”
“Fine.”
“Let’s gooooo!” Futaba swings open the door and a gust of chilled air tears through the cafe. Akira hurries out after her, trying to mitigate the loss of heat.
“Careful, we don’t want Sojiro to catch a cold.” Akira warns, but Futaba laughs.
“Sojiro will be fine.”
“He’s not exactly getting any younger.”
“How old do you think he is?”
“I dunno, like, a hundred probably.”
The door of the cafe heaves open a second time.
“Stop loitering in front of my cafe!” Sojiro grouses. He’s brought a broom with him and is uselessly trying to sweep a mess of fallen leaves into a pile. “I'm not that old.”
“Go back inside,” Akira grumbles, but his words fall on deaf ears. Futaba links her arm through one of his to haul him away.
“You worry too much.” Futaba tells him once they’ve turned the corner, “He hates that, you know.”
“I wouldn't if he’d make more of an effort to stop smoking.”
“Ha, good luck. The other day, he told me he was born with a cigarette between his fingers. But that aside, you do seem… Really worried.”
“I think it’s the holidays,” Akira admits, “and all those low-budget Christmas movies you’re making us watch.”
“They’re horrible in the best way. Which one should we watch when we get to your place?”
“I don’t care. Maybe one that doesn’t have a royal prince plot line?”
“You got it. No princes.”
Akira doesn’t know if he can stomach another movie about the small-town girl falling for the rich prince with a heart of gold. (Even if the prince uses his money to save all the starving animals at the shelter.)
What he doesn’t say is that it reminds him too much of his old life. The way he was before he left home to make his own way. That version of Akira exists only in the faded parts of his memory. At least, they did until two months ago.
Visiting his grandparents brought it all back to the surface. Having to wear tight lipped forced smiles. Laughing at jokes that skirt the line of being offensive. Always feeling watched, as though he’s taking a test he forgot to study for.
A week of feeling completely wrong.
A week of being alone.
Ryuji had been away on an assignment for work, and it had been impossible to navigate the different time zones. Futaba was busy with both her job and college classes. And Akira didn’t want to bother any of his other friends. Even if he had gotten in touch with someone, he wouldn’t have known what to say. How do you explain away the actions of your bigoted grandparents? Akira knows he shouldn’t have to defend them, but he can’t completely help it. They’re the only grandparents he’s known. Part of the family that took him in after he lost everything.
“You okay?” Futaba sets a gentle hand on Akira’s arm. He glances up and is surprised to find they’re sitting on the train. Navigating the station must have happened while he was on autopilot. “You got quiet there for a while.”
“I’m good.” Akira gives Futaba’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Tired, but I’m good.”
Tired.
He’s always tired these days.
But he doesn’t know how else to phrase the way he feels without putting that stress over on other people.
Tired is easy.
Everyone’s tired.
❄️ ❄️ ❄️
Akira wakes with a start to the sound of his cellphone ringing. It’s a terrible noise, made all the worse by Futaba and Ryuji’s shenanigans. They changed the ringtone from a sensible chiming to a godforsaken midi-rendition of ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’. After putting his phone away in his room to charge, Akira raised the volume to max. Just in case Ryuji called while he and Futaba were watching movies.
Now Akira is swimming blearily through an ocean of regret.
Displacing a very pissed-off Morgana from his lap, Akira staggers to his feet. Futaba is passed out on the floor with half the couch cushions, all the throw pillows, and three blankets. He navigates around her ‘fort’ and then sprints the rest of the way across the apartment. Diving across the bed, he snatches his phone up using the cable. He nearly drops it when the plug pops loose from the charging port.
“Hello?” Akira answers with more venom than he means to. The anger rises as silence greets him. “Hello?!”
“Akira?” his mother’s voice from the other line startles him. She doesn’t call often. Only when there’s some kind of news or if they’re making plans to meet. They get along better in person. She’s never been one for phone conversations. She sounds… Nervous.
“Hey, I’m sorry,” Akira says in a rush. “I didn’t hear you at first. Is-… Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yes. Everything’s fine. How are you?”
Tension reforms behind Akira’s eyes. He rubs the pain away with his thumb and forefinger at the bridge of his nose. “I’m good. How are you?”
“We’re good.”
A long pause, in which Akira entertains the idea of hanging up accidentally on purpose.
“We, as in your father and I, wanted to ask you something. Oh, he’s here too. Say hi.”
“Hi.” Akira’s father’s voice says from somewhere in the background. “You have to put it on speaker.”
“What? Oh. Speaker? How do I do that?”
There’s some shuffling, which Akira assumes is the phone passing from one person to the other. Then a mumbled ‘you go here, then you touch here’ followed by a ‘no, over here’ and then an ‘oh sorry, yes, that, I see it now’.
“Akira, are you still there?” his mother asks. Her voice sounds tinny, and it has a bit of an echo. Definitely speakerphone.
“I’m here.” Akira tells them. It suddenly occurs to him that if they’re both getting on the phone to call him like this, it might be bad news. As exasperated as he feels in this moment, he hopes they aren’t calling to tell him they can’t meet for Christmas. “Are you sure you guys are okay?”
“We’re fine,” his father insists. “We wanted to run something by you.”
“Okay,” biting his lip, Akira sits down cross-legged on the mattress. The clothes Ryuji slept in the night before are sitting on his side of the bed. Halfway folded. Ryuji tries, bless him, but he’s useless when he first wakes up. Akira pulls the shirt from the pile and spreads it out over his lap. He runs his fingertips over the screen-printed image of a jolly roger adorning the front. Ryuji has been really into pirates recently. “I’m listening.”
“What would you say about having your grandparents come with us?” his mother asks.
“What?” the word falls out of Akira’s mouth with little thought. Surely he heard wrong.
“I said: we were thinking we might bring your grandparents along.”
“...Why?”
“Well, they wanted to clear the air with you. And they’re interested in meeting Ryuji and your friends.”
Akira exhales, incredulous. He almost laughs, but he doesn’t want to be nasty toward his mother. It’s not her fault that she doesn’t understand why that’s a terrible idea. “I’d have to ask Ryuji and his mom. There’s not a lot of room at the house for extra people, so it will probably be a no.”
“Would you? Would you ask?” there’s far too much hope in her voice. She’s already decided that he’s said ‘yes’.
Fuck.
Akira has to undo this somehow.
“Please don’t tell them I said okay until I actually get the okay.” Akira begs, “Ryuji probably won’t want them there.”
“I know he’s a little upset, but he’ll come around.” Akira’s mother sounds downright delighted. “But we won’t say anything to them.”
“Take some time to think it over,” his father adds, just as jovial. Just as oblivious. “Give us a call tomorrow, so we have time to book extra flights.”
“I’m home!” Ryuji’s voice from the front door. Akira hadn’t even heard him come in.
Heart racing and in a blind panic, Akira tells his parents, “That’s fine. Book them. I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow.”
He hangs up.
And then realizes what he just said.
“Oh, no.” Akira stares at his phone in shock. As though it performed some kind of mind control on him and forced him to agree to his parent’s plans.
In the other room, Futaba is awake. She’s speaking excitedly to Ryuji about something over the caterwaul of Morgana. (Who now associates Ryuji with mealtime.) Ryuji laughs at whatever Futaba said, feeds the cat, and then moves towards the bedroom. Nonsensically, Akira starts to fold the shirt in his lap. As though this entire time, he’s been putting away laundry.
“Welcome back,” Akira says when Ryuji walks in.
Ryuji jumps and grasps his chest. “Shit! Warn a guy!”
“Sorry, I thought you knew I was in here.”
“It’s good, just-” Ryuji shakes his head and then shrugs. “I’m gonna change out of my work clothes.”
“Do you need any help?” Akira leaps up off the bed and then over to Ryuji. Their eyes meet and something warm fills Akira’s chest. For a moment, the phone conversation fades to the back of his mind. Instead, he’s focused on how good Ryuji looks in his work clothes.
When Ryuji became project manager, he had to start dressing up more than he was used to. Ann and Akira were more than happy to take him out shopping for a new wardrobe’s worth of business casual clothes and work appropriate suits. Ryuji hates it, and says it makes him feel stuck up. But Akira thinks he looks good in a suit and tie. And ties are convenient for a lot of other things too.
“You wore the silly one,” Akira comments with a smile. Ryuji is dressed for business, but his tie is for fun. At first glance, it’s a simple satin tie in a sky blue color. But up close, it’s dotted with tiny snowman heads embroidered all over it. Akira got it for him as a joke, but he’s pleased to see Ryuji actually wearing it.
“Yeah,” Ryuji smiles warmly. “Made me think of you today. Everyone missed ya at the Christmas party.”
“Oh?”
“They kept goin’ on and on about how-” Ryuji pitches his voice up an octave, likely trying to impersonate his lady coworkers, “’It’s just not the same without Akira!’. ‘I’m not feeling Christmas-y without Akira.’. ‘Ryuji, you’re his friend! Why didn’t you invite him?’”
Akira smiles fondly. Though it was never intentional, he did seem to have a better-than-average repertoire with his coworkers, namely the female ones.
“Next year,” Akira says as he gives the suit lapels a light tug to pull them into proper alignment over Ryuji’s chest. “I’ll loan you one of my ugly sweaters to wear. I can’t believe we didn’t think of that.”
“Uh, no thanks. Hard pass.”
“You’d look really cute in an ugly Christmas sweater.” Akira insists. The absurdity of it all makes them both laugh.
“Lemme change,” Ryuji leans in to kiss Akira on the cheek. A tiny peck and then he pulls right back, biting his bottom lip. “Then we should sit down and talk about our Christmas plans.”
An icy feeling of dread washes over Akira. Did Ryuji overhear the conversation with his parents?
“Sure. I’ll walk Futaba down to catch her cab and we can talk when I get back.” Akira casts a guilty glance at his phone before leaving the room.
“What happened?” Futaba asks when they’re shut up together in the apartment elevator. “You’re all pale. Is everything okay?”
“No,” Akira tells her in a quiet voice, “I think I might have fucked up.”
🎄 Ryuji 🎄
Ryuji waits until he hears the front door close before shrugging out of his suit jacket and tie. He brushes his thumbs over the little embroidered snowmen. They’re tacky as hell, but Akira loves things like this. And even Ryuji has to admit, they’re cute with their little dot eyes and carrot noses. He hangs the tie up, along with his others. Akira bought him a legit tie organizer that turns like a carousel and has a little hook for each tie to hang from.
Ryuji gives the organizer a gentle spin, smiling at his collection. Akira gave almost all of them to him. Most are practical in design, plain or patterned lightly, but a few are like the snowman tie. Whimsical. A way for Ryuji to rebel against the corporate uniform he’s forced to wear day after day.
Speaking of…
Ryuji tosses his suit jacket over top of his hamper. He should hang it up too. Akira says it’s less likely to wrinkle that way, but it feels silly to hang something up when he’s going to wash it the next day. It looks deflated and lifeless. The arm sleeves are hanging down as if in utter defeat. Ryuji knows that feeling all too well.
Like a fool, he allowed Kawakami to catch him on the way out and pull him into a meeting with his team. He closes his eyes and grits his teeth.
“Now,” Kawakami says from where she’s standing behind her over sized mahogany wood desk. She picks up a stack of files and ruthlessly slams them edge-down on her desk to force them into even alignment. The crack of files on wood causes Ryuji’s shoulders to tense up and he nearly winces from the sound. “I know you’re all getting ready to head off on your winter break, but the office isn’t officially closed until the twenty-fourth.”
“You’re not seriously giving us an assignment five days out from Christmas.” Ryuji is belligerent. “I’m supposed to leave in a few days to go out to my mom’s place.”
“This is a quick 72-hour round trip.”
“What?!”
“You don’t have to stay the entire time. Just go, snap some photos, and your team can handle the rest.”
“Oh,” Ryuji can’t hold back the venomous sarcasm in his voice, “So I’m supposed to dump everything on them.”
“They all already agreed to go.” Kawakami glances at Ryuji’s team and they all nod. He searches their expressions, but no one seems outright upset. So much for a scapegoat. “I need a few photos, and then you can go off and enjoy your Christmas vacation.”
“There’s really no one else you can ask?”
“No. I tried,” Kawakami stares at Ryuji with a serious expression. “Believe me, I did try.”
Ryuji doesn’t see any way around this. Kawakami is right, the office isn’t technically closed down until the day before Christmas. Meaning, that if the company tells him to go out on a job, he has to go. Like it or not.
“When do we leave?” Ryuji flips open the file for their destination and almost swears. “You want us to leave tonight on an international flight to… Denver?! Wait, that’s in America, right?”
“Technically, I want you to leave at four AM tomorrow morning, but yes.” Kawakami comes to stand at his side so that she can go over the paperwork with him. “You’ll arrive in Denver in the late afternoon. Get some rest, then head up into the mountains. Take your photos and fly back the day after. You’ll be home with time to spare for you to drive out to your mother’s place.”
“It’ll be a tight schedule, but I guess we can probably make it.”
“That’s what I want to hear.”
After a brief meeting with his team to go over some last details, Ryuji left the office in a rush. He wasn’t about to stick around long enough to allow Kawakami to find some other project to saddle him with. He spent the train ride home seething in rage and bemoaning the stress headache throwing a tantrum inside his head.
Now Ryuji is sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for Akira to return so he can break the news.
Morgana, having finished his evening snack, jumps up onto the mattress. He gives Ryuji a long look with his icy blue eyes, tail lashing. They’re not always on the best of terms, but they’ve come a long way. Morgana doesn’t swipe at him anymore and hardly ever hisses. He’s not keen on sharing Akira’s attention, but that’s not likely to change.
“What? Was the tuna mackerel not to your liking?” Ryuji pulls his legs up and moves closer to the center of the bed. Morgana blinks and then lifts one of his front paws up for cleaning. “It’s thanks to me that you’re not gonna be spending Christmas in a pet hotel, you know. Dojima isn’t crazy about cats. I had to beg him to let us bring you.”
Morgana spares Ryuji a glance and then goes back to bathing.
“My mom minced up a bunch of fish for you. I think second to Akira, you’re the one she’s most excited to see.”
At the mention of ‘fish’, Morgana pays closer attention. He seems to understand that word. With a rumble in his throat, the cat crosses the bed to settle himself in Ryuji’s lap. He digs his feet into Ryuji’s pajama pants, kneading the fabric and threatening the human’s skin with his sharp claws tips.
“I’m not gonna be able to go with you ‘n Akira at first, so you have to take care of him for me.” Ryuji runs his fingers lightly over Morgana’s soft head. The cat tilts his it back, demanding his chin be scratched as well. “Don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but he’s been feeling down. So I’m countin’ on you, Mona.”
“I’m back,” Akira calls out as he enters the front door. Morgana gives Ryuji one last rumbling purr before shooting up to go greet his favorite human. Akira’s voice is low in the other room, but Ryuji still hears the way he coos down at the cat. “Come here, Morgana. Did you miss me? I was only gone a minute.”
When Akira enters their bedroom, Morgana is tucked up in his arms and languishing on his back like a baby. He glances at Ryuji, looking as smug as a cat can be. His eyes halfway close into tiny blue slits and his purr is so loud that it fills the room with a rumble.
“You never hold me like that,” Ryuji mopes at Akira.
“Yeah, because I’d break my back trying.” Akira smiles, but it’s not at Ryuji. He’s looking down at Morgana with a soft expression. “No risk of that with you, is there?”
“Oi. Stop loving that damn cat more than you love me.”
“It’s not more than you. I love you both the same amount, in different ways.”
“That’s a lie.” Ryuji pats an empty space beside him on the bed, so Akira sits. “Things go okay at work?”
“Yeah, the cafe was slow.” Akira rolls Morgana so he’s upright before setting him to the side. Offended, Morgana flicks his tail before jumping down off the bed. He makes a big show of walking to his cat tree to tear the fuck out of one of the scratching posts, before ascending to the crow’s nest at the top. Free from his cat’s needy whims, Akira moves further up onto the bed. “How about you?”
“That’s what I wanna talk to ya about,” Ryuji says, with no small amount of hesitance. He reaches out to pull Akira’s hands over into his lap. He tangles and twines their fingers together as something to do while he works up the nerve. “Kawakami wants me to fly to Denver.”
“Denver… That’s in the United States, right? Colorado or something?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, so you’ll need to be back to work first thing after the new year to go there.”
“No,” Ryuji glances up to meet Akira’s gaze. His heart races as he blurts out his next set of words, “I leave tonight, or tomorrow, or whatever. I have a four-AM flight in a couple of hours.”
“What?!” Akira’s hands tense inside Ryuji’s before they pull away. “You told her you had plans, right? That we have plans.”
“You know I did, man. I told her a hundred times, but I’m not technically free to leave town until the 24th. Supposedly, I can go to Denver and get back before then.”
“Yeah, maybe, but we were supposed to go to your mom’s early to help her set everything up.”
“We’ll help when I get back,” Ryuji levels. “Honestly, there’s not that much to do, anyway. Sojiro and Futaba are going out there early. They can help her.”
“No, they can’t.” Akira all but snaps. He stands up off the bed to pace the length of the room. Ryuji watches him in shock. Akira is a lot angrier about this than expected. “So I’m supposed to drive all that way alone with Morgana?”
“Whoa, no. I never said that. Actually, I was kinda thinkin’ maybe you could fly to Denver with me. We can make a trip outta it.” Ryuji tries to beckon Akira to sit back down, but the request goes ignored. “Morgana can go out with Futaba and Sojiro. You and I will go to Denver, then fly back together. There’s an airport closer to my mom’s that we can-”
“I can’t go with you on a work assignment.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll pay for the flight myself. Kawakami won’t care. She’ll probably try to use it as a way to get you to come back to work for her. Not that you would.”
“Ryuji, no.” Akira stops pacing to glare at him. “That’s unprofessional and you know it.”
“…What the hell? It was only a suggestion.”
“Yes, a bad one.”
“Okay.” Ryuji holds up his hands in surrender while he struggles to keep the hurt out of his voice. “I get that you’re upset, but don’t come for my life like that. Stay here and then when I’m back, we’ll head out to my mom’s.”
“No, I need to be there early.” Akira says, sounding frazzled. He crosses his arms over his chest, casts a wary look in Ryuji’s direction, and then looks away again. “I need to tell you something.”
“A’ight. I’m listenin’.” To give Akira the benefit of the doubt, Ryuji forces himself to keep calm. Even as irritation weaves a vine-like path up his spine.
Akira’s going through stuff. He’s stressed out. It’s not his fault.
“I accidentally invited my grandparents to spend Christmas with us.” This next set of words hangs heavy in the air. Akira turns to face Ryuji, his eyes wide. Like a spooked horse. “I didn’t mean to. My parents called to ask if they could bring them along and I-”
“And you said yes?” Ryuji sucks in a harsh breath of air. Stay calm. Be calm. For Akira.
“No, I said probably not. At least I tried to. Before getting off the call with my parents, I told them to book flights. They probably took that to mean that it’s fine.”
“Okay, so call them back. Tell them I said there’s no room.”
Akira’s lips tighten into a thin line. “I can’t. Besides, it’s probably too late.”
“You can, and you have to.” Now Ryuji is the one pacing the room. “Dude, I don’t want them there. I don’t want them around you or around my mom. Call your parents back!”
“What if I want them there?!”
“Why the hell would you?”
“My parents said they’re trying,” Akira insists, though it’s not clear if he’s trying to convince Ryuji, or himself. “If I shut that door, I might not be able to open it back up later.”
“Why would you even want to?” Ryuji wants to know. He believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt, but within reason. What Akira’s grandparents did seems nigh unforgivable. “They made up their minds the first time. They won’t accept you and they sure as hell won’t accept our relationship. Why would you want people like that around you?”
“You don’t get to decide who I can or can’t give a second chance to.”
“I’m not trying to!”
“Let’s just stop.” Akira says with a tone of finality. “You’ve got a flight to catch in a couple of hours, and I need to stay here to figure some things out. Maybe that time apart will give us the sense to sort all this out.”
Ryuji opens his mouth to argue, but then he stops himself. Honestly? That sounds like a fucking horrible idea. How can time and space and distance solve an argument? It never has before. Not for them.
“Fine.” Ryuji grumbles. “I’m going to start packing.”
Akira’s shoulders relax, and his expression smooths out. Does he think he’s won?
“Do you want me to make you something for dinner?” Akira asks.
“I’m good. Had something at the office.” Ryuji’s stomach nearly wails in protest, but he firmly ignores it. The Christmas cookies he had at lunch will have to do. If he gets desperate, he can always overpay for something at the airport. “Gonna shower before I go.”
“Alright. Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll drive you.”
“I can get a cab.”
“I’ll drive you.” Akira gives Ryuji a stern look, and it’s enough to settle the matter. He then leaves their bedroom, muttering about cleaning up the mess he and Futaba made with their movie marathon.
Ryuji heads for the bathroom, and it takes everything he has not to slam the door shut in one last act of defiance. If he were more like his father, he definitely would have.
Maybe I’m being unfair.
Akira isn’t one to ask for much. Or rather, the two of them often seem to want the same things. It’s not often they get into an argument, and certainly not one like this. They always seem to find a way to compromise, or at least negotiate.
It’s with that thought in mind that Ryuji decides to call his mother to ask her advice.
“There’s plenty of room for them.” She tells him after he gives her a rundown of the situation. “This was supposed to be a surprise, but Dojima and I bought the house next door when the Yamadas moved out. We planned to use it as a guest house for you all. At least until we figure out what we want to do with it.”
“Oh, I remember that one. It’s the big house.” Ryuji says with a touch of surprise. “So if you and Dojima are buying houses, things must be pretty serious. Huh?”
“We’re not talking about my relationship,” his mother says with a laugh. Though he can tell she’s pleased he brought it up. “You’re protective of Akira, and that’s not a bad thing. I know you don’t want to see him hurt. But he’s his own person, and he needs to be allowed to make his own choices regarding his family. If something happens, it happens, and we’ll all be here to help him through it.”
“Yeah, I know,” Ryuji hates it when she’s right. “Will you keep an eye on him for me? I’ll be back as soon as I can, but I can’t skip out on this assignment. Kawakami would kill me.”
“You know I will. You just focus on doing your job and staying safe. Those mountain resorts get some severe storms this time of year.”
“If my flight gets delayed, I’ll go full Fast and Furious and steal a car and a boat to get back.”
“Ha. Ha. If you even think of doing something like that, don’t bother showing up. Not unless you’re ready for the scolding you’ll get,” she jests. More seriously, she says, “Everything is going to be okay. Let’s let it play out and see what happens.”
“Thanks, Ma. I’ll text you when I land in Denver, and see you in a couple’a days.”
Ryuji ends the call with his mother and immediately goes looking for Akira.
“That was a fast shower.” Akira looks up from where he’s seated on the couch. “Look-”
“I called my mom. She’s cool with your grandparents being there.” Ryuji hastily interrupts. He gently pushes Akira’s legs down off the cushions to make room for himself to sit. “I don’t totally understand, but I ain’t gonna stand in the way of what you want. Invite your whole damn family, I don’t care. We’re going to have a good time no matter what happens.”
Akira smiles, slowly at first and then a full-blown grin. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
“You’re welcome. Sorry I was a dick before.”
“I wasn’t much better. I’m sorry too.”
Ryuji’s heart swells with happiness and relief. The last thing he wanted was for them to start their holidays with an argument.
“Also, I haven’t showered yet,” Ryuji gives his head a tilt in the direction of their bedroom, “Thought maybe we could save some water by taking one together.”
“That sounds logical.” Akira stands first and then he pulls Ryuji along with him.
They’re kissing before they’ve even made down the hallway. No mistletoe required.
❄️ ❄️ ❄️
True to his word, Akira drives Ryuji to the airport. It’s a harrowing journey through traffic and in a sudden storm of rain. Made all the worse by the fact that they have to drive Akira’s car.
“You should have let me take a cab.” Ryuji mumbles as they circle the garage for a place to park. Akira’s purple sedan shakes as though it’s shivering from the cold. Hard enough that Ryuji’s teeth clack together. “Have you thought about takin’ the train out to Mom’s place? Morgana is going to freak out in this thing.”
“My car will be fine.” Akira insists. He’s so incredibly stubborn about his car. It’s madness that Ryuji can’t completely comprehend. The old beast isn’t even a nice, but Akira won’t let go of it for anything. “We made that trip last year with no issues.”
“Yeah, but that was last year. This thing ages like a dog. What is it? Seven years for every one human year?”
“You’re going to miss your flight.” Akira says as he whips into a narrow space between a truck and a van. Both are nearly over the line. Ryuji has to grip the door by the edge to keep from bumping it against the truck as he gets out.
“We’re here two hours early. I think I’ll make it.” Ryuji pulls his travel bags from the trunk. He throws the strap of his duffel up over his shoulder, then ducks back down to retrieve his carry-on that holds his camera. “You gotta remember, I’m a pro at this whole traveling thing.”
“You learned from the best.”
Ryuji grins mischievously. “Yeah, Ann taught me everything I know.”
“I meant me.” Akira places a hand over his chest and feigns a wounded heart. Ryuji rolls his eyes as he shuts the trunk. “I’ll walk you to the security checkpoint.”
“You don’t gotta do that.” Ryuji says, but Akira is already walking towards the entrance. Just as well. He’s going to need a can-opener to get back into his car to leave. Maybe they’ll have something in a gift shop. “I mean it, though. Think about getting a train ticket. It was one thing when we were driving out together. Another when it’s only you and the cat.”
“We’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much.”
Ryuji almost points out that it’s his job as Akira’s boyfriend to worry, but saying that aloud is embarrassing. So instead he says, “No promises.”
The airport is wearing the holidays turned up to the max. Everywhere Ryuji looks, there’s a Christmas display or some kind of sign promoting a holiday sale. He feels a pang of disappointment that he won’t be home to help with the decorating. He hasn’t been able to feel the ‘home for the holidays’ experience in years.
“Eff you, Kawakami,” Ryuji grumbles. Akira shoots him a sympathetic look. No one knows Kawakami’s tactics better than Akira. He worked under her for years and still never found a way to avoid her crazy expectations.
“She wouldn’t be sending you if she didn’t think you weren’t the best man for the job.” Akira soothes. “Sucks having all that talent, huh?”
“You mean my photography? Yeah, it’s good, but-”
“But you’d rather be home. I get it. But you can do this.” Akira sets his hand on Ryuji’s back. He lets it linger there for a long moment to help drive his point home. “I know I blew up on you when you told me you had to work, but I didn’t mean it. You’re amazing, and I’m proud of you.”
“Don’t lay it on so thick, jeeze,” Ryuji looks away, so he doesn’t have to see the gooey look of affection that he knows Akira is currently wearing. If he sees it, it will only make his departure that much more difficult. “Alright man, this is as far as you can go.”
They’ve reached the security checkpoint. Ryuji fumbles around inside his pockets until he finds his phone. He pulls up his ticket information to make sure it’s ready to be scanned. Only then does he glance up at Akira.
“Have a safe flight.” Akira says in a low voice. His eyebrows furrow and his lips turn down in a slight frown. “Should have kissed you while we were back in the car.”
“Akira.” Ryuji chides as a rush of heat shoots up the back of his neck. “I think we did enough kissing in the shower.”
“Mmm, no. I’m pretty sure I still have more to give.”
“Don’t you dare.”
Actually, Ryuji wishes that Akira would dare. But they’re in public, so it’s just as well that he doesn’t.
“I’ll see ya in a couple of days, man.” Ryuji forces himself to take a full step back.
“Wait.” Akira reaches out to grasp him by the left shoulder. “Your earrings. We should have taken them out back at the house.”
“Oh hell. I totally forgot.”
“Obviously,” Akira says around a grin, “Let me help you.”
A flash of red leather catches Ryuji’s attention. Akira’s gloves, the ones Ryuji got him last year when they were on assignment together in California. Akira takes good care of them, though he also wears them constantly, at least since the weather grew cold. Seeing them stirs something up inside Ryuji’s chest. He realizes once again how much he doesn’t want to leave. Or rather, how much he wishes Akira could come along with him.
“I’m glad those gloves worked out for you,” Ryuji holds onto them while Akira works to remove the rings adorning the edges of his ears.
“Me too. They’re honestly perfect.” Akira smiles and his eyes meet Ryuji’s briefly. “Taking all your earrings off like this reminds me of that huge line we had to wait in to get through security.”
“Oh yeah, that was awful.”
“Try not to get bored.” Akira’s voice drops an octave. He skims his fingers over the now metal-less edges of Ryuji’s ear. Ryuji has to fight off a shudder.
“I’m going now,” Ryuji says around a rough swallow. “Hang onto my earrings until I get back.”
“Text me when you land in Denver.”
“I will.” Ryuji passes Akira’s gloves back to him and they briefly, almost, have an excuse to hold hands.
Akira lowers his voice to a near whisper to add, “I love you.”
Something snaps inside Ryuji’s chest, and he decides in that moment that he doesn’t care if they’re in public. Tossing his arms up around Akira’s neck, he draws them together into a tight hug. Embarrassed, and fumbling his words, he replies, “Me, uh too. About you. I feel that for you, too.”
“Go on.” Akira laughs as they draw away. Maybe it’s all the Christmas lighting, but Ryuji swears Akira’s eyes are sparkling.
Feeling light on his feet, Ryuji turns and jogs the rest of the way toward the security checkpoint. A guard scans his ticket, checks it against his ID and passport, and then waves him on to the line for the bag check. Ryuji glances over his shoulder, but Akira has already left.
A feeling of panic fills Ryuji’s chest. There and gone the next moment.
Everything is going to be fine.
Ryuji will go and do his job and be back before Christmas.
What could go wrong?
His phone vibrating inside his pocket breaks him out of his destructive thoughts. It’s a text from Akira that reads:
Rule One: Try not to miss me too much.
Ryuji rolls his eyes and replies back with:
rule 2 - ur gonna miss me more, so rule 1 is pointless
They banter back and forth for a while until it’s Ryuji’s turn to go through a body scanner, and Akira makes it home and into bed.