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‘Merry Christmas, Kathy!’ said Santa Claus, and this second Kathryn Janeway just knew that this Christmas was going to be anything but merry. Behind the beard and red hat was none other than...
‘Q!’
‘The one and only!’ As always, Q was completely immune to her scathing undertone.
Not that Kathryn had been in such a good mood before. She hadn't been merry at Christmas for the last seven years. Who had ever heard of a merry Christmas in the Delta Quadrant? The fact that Q was standing here on her bridge in his ridiculous Santa Claus costume was just the icing on the cake.
‘What are you doing here?’ Kathryn asked icily.
‘I'm here to bring you a little Christmas cheer, dear Kathy! To you and Chuckels and the rest of your gloomy bunch!’
Q snapped and a thick fir garland suddenly wrapped itself around the railing, a similar garland adorned the large screen - only this garland had additionally a large red bow in the center, the ends of which now dangled over a good part of the screen.
‘Stopp it, Q, put that nonsense away. Now!’ Kathryn ordered indignantly.
‘Put it away?’ Q theatrically put his hand over his heart. ‘But Kathy, I've only just started. Now I have to make your crew experiencing the spirit of Christmas.’
Q snapped again.
Kathryn didn't know what exactly Q meant by spirit of Christmas, but it obviously included crinolines for herself and Ensign Wildman and frock coats and top hats for Chakotay, Harry Kim, Tom Paris and Tuvok.
‘Captain, I must formally protest against this inappropriate attire on the bridge,’ Tuvok remarked immediately.
‘You're right, you're right my pointy-eared friend,’ agreed Q cheerfully. ‘I have something much more appropriate for you!’
Q snapped again. Kathryn ignored the suppressed snort behind her, no doubt coming from Tom Paris, as Tuvok was suddenly dressed in the green garb of a Christmas elf.
‘Q...’
‘Oh, there's so much to do!’
Another snap.
Kathryn looked around. This time everything on the bridge had remained unchanged. Instead, her communicator beeped.
‘Torres to Bridge!’
B'Elanna didn't sound displeased. The undertone in her voice told of something worse. Much worse.
‘Go ahead!’
‘Someone just made our warp core disappear and replaced it with a TREE!’
‘Excuse me?’
‘There's a TREE in my engine room. A green, needlely tree! With candles! And tinsel!’
‘I understand, Lieutenant. This is Q's work and I'll make sure he stops this nonsense!’
‘I won't!’ Q objected from behind. ‘This is far too much fun!’
And with a whoosh, he was gone.
‘Captain?’
‘Yes, Mr Paris?’ Kathryn asked indignantly.
‘You should see this!’
‘What?’ Why couldn't people just come right out with it? Always this ‘you should see this’.
Tom changed the setting on the big screen. If Kathryn hadn't wondered why Voyager kept flying even though a Christmas tree had replaced the warp core, she now had the explanation. Voyager was being pulled by six giant reindeer. One of them had a red nose.
‘Senior staff meeting in 15 minutes,’ she ordered, ’I want a full status report.’
=/\=
‘Status?’
Kathryn glanced over her assembled officers. None of them had found the time to change and so they were all still dressed in Victorian attire - except for Tuvok in his elf costume, of course. B'Elanna even wore the white lace bonnet of a married woman.
‘The entire ship has been redecorated in accordance with ancient Earth Christmas traditions,’ Tuvok reported matter-of-factly. ‘There are big wreaths on all the doors and the sound of the turbo-lifts has been replaced by jingling bells. Some crew members now prefer the Jeffries tubes because they can't stand the sound all the time. I must note that work efficiency suffers considerably.’
‘The replicator in the mess hall has been replaced by an open fireplace,’ Neelix outlined cheerfully. ‘The entire mess hall has also been decorated with fir branches and candles. I think it's very pretty though; it reminds me of the custom of K'Yrie that we have on Talaxia...’
‘I can't find anything pretty about this tree in my engine room,’ B'Elanna interrupted him indignantly. Kathryn hadn't thought that the word tree could be used with so much contempt. ‘I want my warp core back!’
‘I don't think you have reason for increased complaint compared to other areas of the ship,’ Seven of Nine remarked coolly. ‘It is snowing in the astrometrics lab!’
‘Really?’ Tom Paris asked. ‘I thought it was snowing in Cargo Bay 2.’
‘No, in Cargo Bay 2 a Klingon opera choir is practising ‘Last Christmas’,’ explained Seven.
‘Really?’ the Doctor enquired with interest. ‘With how many voices?’
‘Doctor, please, that's beside the point.’ Kathryn felt she had to intervene before the discussion got any more sideways. ‘Are there any further reports on the current status?’
‘All previous attempts to restore normalcy have failed,’ Tuvok explained. ’Every decoration we've removed has been instantly replaced. Not to mention the fact that we can't replace the warp core with our own resources.’
‘So, we're depending on Q to end this charade,’ Kathryn summarized. ‘Any suggestions on how we can get him to do that?’
‘Give me a few minutes alone with this P'tach,’ B'Elanna grumbled. Kathryn ignored the interjection.
‘I've analyzed the various run-ins with Q,’ Chakotay said. ‘In my opinion, there is only one promising strategy.’
‘And that would be, Commander?’
‘Play along.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘In all similar scenarios, Q restored the original state as soon as the crew in question - especially the crew of Enterprise-D, of course - got involved in his games.’
‘So, you think we should...’
‘... celebrate Christmas!’ Kathryn saw Tom Paris' eyes light up. The pilot clearly liked the idea. ‘We already have a tree and then we'll have mulled wine and firecrackers...’
‘Not in my engine room,’ B'Elanna interjected fiercely.
‘We could use the holodeck,’ Harry mused. ‘Do you remember the big manor house behind Fair Haven?’
‘Oh yes, the banqueting hall would be great!’ Tom's eyes lit up. ‘We are already wearing the right clothes anyway. Captain, if you wish, Ensign Kim and I will take care of everything!’
‘I will cater the food,’ Neelix promised. ‘I'm sure there are some interesting recipes in the database.’
‘And I'll arrange the musical program,’ the Doctor announced.
Kathryn looked around; she hadn't seen her officers this excited for a long time. Tom, Harry, Neelix and the Doctor seemed to be bursting with enthusiasm, B'Elanna's eyes began to sparkle, and a gentle smile played around the corners of Chakotay's mouth. The last few years had been hard for all of them, so why shouldn't she let them have some fun?
‘Make it so!’
=/\=
The party had been a complete success. Kathryn snuggled into the armchair in her quarters and massaged her feet which were sore from dancing. Well, they had had to improvise at one point or another, but Neelix had actually put on a delicious meal (without any leola root, but with a strange - and almost certainly non-traditional - blue soup, which had surprisingly tasted excellent), the Doctor had provided a wonderful supporting program and Tom and Harry had simply outdone themselves in designing the holodeck.
Almost the entire crew had been present at some point during the evening, they had timed the party so that each shift could be present for at least part of the time. Kathryn had been amazed at how eagerly the crew had thrown themselves into the party. Christmas wasn't important anymore, was it? Of course, the children could hardly wait until Christmas Eve – but that was only because of the presents. For the adults, the celebration had long since become a hackneyed tradition, nothing more. Insignificant among the diverse traditions of all the peoples of the Federation.
Apparently not.
Kathryn thought of Tom, Harry and B'Elanna, who had thrown themselves into the commotion with shining eyes. Of Seven and Naomi Wildman, for both this had been the first Christmas. Kathryn smiled at the thought of how they had wandered around the hall wide-eyed, eagerly soaking up all the impressions. She thought of Sam Wildman, who had almost been in tears when she saw her daughter like that and had been gently comforted by Megan Delaney. And of all the other crew members who had dressed up festively (well, that was Q's doing, but they had only changed their clothes for their uniforms when they had to go on duty) and who had conjured up an astonishing number of presents in such a short space of time. Even though Kathryn had always known it, that evening she had realized once again how special her crew was. A wonderful big family.
‘Was that what you wanted, Q?’ she murmured wearily.
‘Well, did you have fun?’
Kathryn blinked as she heard the familiar unloved voice. It was an altogether unusual sight: Q in plain black trousers and a jumper. Kathryn was wide awake again in one fell swoop.
‘The evening was quite enjoyable,’ she remarked.
Q grinned. ‘You had fun!’
Kathryn didn't respond. ‘Are you going to tell me what the whole thing was about?’ she asked ungraciously instead.
‘As I said from the beginning, I wanted to give you a treat - besides, it was too much fun watching you tiny humans...’
‘I can imagine,’ Kathryn said dryly.
‘Will you be celebrating Christmas again next year?’ enquired Q curiously.
‘Maybe,’ Kathryn said, ’I actually swore I wouldn't celebrate Christmas again until we were back home.’
‘And maybe you've kept that vow, Kathryn,‘ Q said gently, ‘maybe your definition of ‘home’ has changed in the meantime.’
Kathryn thought about it. ‘Maybe,’ she replied after a while, but Q had disappeared unnoticed in the meantime.
‘Merry Christmas, Q,’ Kathryn said quietly to the empty room.
‘I heard that,’ it replied from afar.