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“We don’t have to do this, Qing-er.” Feng Xin says gently rubbing a hand on Mu Qing’s still clothed shoulders.
“No, no, I want to just… give me a minute.” Mu Qing sighs with his head in his hands. He’s red all over and all Feng Xin has done is take off his outer robes. “It’s just— w- we haven’t done this since…”
“I know, we haven’t bathed together since we were kids in Xianle. Fuck, it’s been so long and that was out of necessity more than anything.” He feels Feng Xin taking a few steps back from him while he tries to calm himself enough to lower his hands and start undressing as well.
Mu Qing parts his fingers to peak through them and in the time he has been trying to calm down, Feng Xin has stripped to nothing but his pants. His bare chest glistens in the low light of the lanterns around them covered in grime and blood. The blood isn’t his and that makes Mu Qing relax a bit upon seeing it but just the sight of the other man’s chest makes him feel like he’s suffocating. Mu Qing squeaks covering his eyes fully again, “You’re f- filthy.”
“You’re not much better. Damn, I feel like we fought that thing for fucking days.” Feng Xin says casually and clearly has no qualms with being seen almost completely naked.
“We did, you idiot.” Mu Qing hopes Feng Xin can hear the eye roll in his voice since he can’t see his actual eyes. “Just get in the water already it’ll relax your muscles and make you feel better.” He says hoping once Feng Xin submerges himself in the water it’ll obscure enough for his brain to function again.
“Did we really?” Feng Xin asks as he steps into the water by the sound of his splashing which also means his pants must be gone by now.
“Yes, three days to be exact.” Mu Qing says matter of factly while being acutely aware he still hasn’t moved or taken off a single piece of clothing.
“Shit!” Feng Xin exclaims but sighs upon seeing Mu Qing still standing shellshocked next to the water. “Qing-er, are you sure you don’t want me to go? I know you’d be more comfortable on your own.”
“No! I want to do this with you. I want to be able to at least do this one thing now that we’re together.” With their newfound friendship after Mount Tonglu, they were able to work through their emotional turmoil and find an even newer relationship. One where Feng Xin would show up in his study unannounced to kiss him on the cheek and bother him while he worked on prayers. One where they held hands and shared a bed most nights, although Mu Qing wouldn’t go further than kissing and minimal cuddling.
After eight hundred years of abstinence, just a simple touch from Feng Xin already made him so nervous he felt like running to the mortal realm and never returning so sex seemed impossible for now. Feng Xin had been patient and kind with him, but Mu Qing wanted to give him more. He wanted to be able to touch Feng Xin like he imagined but he couldn’t even bring himself to undress in front of him. He feels like he’s already partially failing at this relationship so when Feng Xin suggested they go to the hot springs together after their mission, he thought it might be a good way to ease into everything.
Not everything maybe, but at least he might be able to build the confidence to be naked around Feng Xin, and Feng Xin said it would help him too even though Mu Qing knew he was just saying that to make him feel better. That’s how Feng Xin got him here, standing fully clothed while Feng Xin waded into the springs completely naked. “Maybe just- just close your eyes for a second.”
“All right, but you have to tell me if you want me to leave.” Feng Xin declares but his tone is gentle with a hint of seriousness.
Mu Qing takes a deep breath lowering his hands slowly to start undoing the ties of his robes when he catches sight of something that makes him choke. “Feng Xin! You were supposed to already be in the water!”
“I am! And I was going further but you told me to close my eyes. I didn’t want to trip…” Feng Xin grouches shifty awkwardly with his hands over his eyes.
Feng Xin stands in the water up to his knees but everything above that is on full display for Mu Qing to see freely. Mu Qing can’t keep the snark out of his tone even as his cheeks heat to dangerous temperatures as he says, “Ugh, Ju Yang.”
“You like?” Feng Xin smirks.
“No! It’s d- disgusting!” He has no doubt that didn’t come out as irritated as he wanted and the way his voice cracked in the middle probably didn’t help. He feels his whole face burning with embarrassment but also something more, an emotion he’s not used to. It’s something he’s only felt around Feng Xin and it scares the hell out of him.
“Sorry, sorry, I’m going but if I trip it’s your fault.” Feng Xin moves his hands from his face and walks slowly with arms positioned in front of him waving around to feel for obstacles as he wades deeper into the hot springs. “Don’t worry, I’m not looking.”
Feng Xin sits down on a shallow stone where the water covers just above his hips. It obscures just enough for Mu Qing to turn his brain back on. He swiftly unties his robes, taking a few peaks to make sure Feng Xin’s eyes are still closed. Of course, they are as Feng Xin sits and waits patiently for Mu Qing to join him. As Mu Qing sheds several layers, he wonders what he did to deserve this, to deserve such a thoughtful and kind man at his side. A man who has tolerated his outbursts for centuries and seen him at his absolute worst yet continues to treat him as a precious object he couldn’t live without. He knows he doesn’t deserve Feng Xin, but he’ll take all the affection he has for as long as Feng Xin is willing to give it to him.
Mu Qing neatly folds his robes and sets them next to Feng Xin’s haphazard pile of clothes before turning back to the hot springs. Feng Xin is sitting exactly as he was earlier, although his bronze skin now glistens with droplets because of the steam rising from the water. The rivulets roll down his muscular back and shoulders and Mu Qing watches them until they return to the pool once again. He pries his eyes away to mentally prepare for joining the stunning man in the water.
Mu Qing wills himself to pretend he’s about to bathe alone and he’s definitely not about to be sitting next to the man he’s loved his entire life naked, so he doesn’t curl in on himself and never unfurl. He takes a deep breath, and then a step, and then another until he meets the water. It’s warm and his body immediately starts to relax upon contact. He feels the relief of some of the grime he’s been caked in washing away as he walks carefully to Feng Xin.
He sits on the same stone as Feng Xin that’s just big enough to accommodate both of them. It’s big enough for them to sit comfortably but Mu Qing scoots close enough for their thighs to touch. He feels Feng Xin stiffen next to him and for a terrifying moment he truly believes Feng Xin might push him away. But then, Feng Xin smiles. It’s small and doesn’t show teeth but it makes Mu Qing relax enough to take Feng Xin’s wrists. He pulls them down, removing the hands from blocking Feng Xin’s eyes while rubbing the backs of them gently, more to soothe himself than Feng Xin. “O- okay. You can open your eyes now.”
Only once Mu Qing has told him he’s allowed, do Feng Xin’s eyes flutter open. It takes them a moment to adjust to being open again but once they do, they start to slide up and down Mu Qing’s body. His mouth parts slightly as he looks, and Mu Qing can’t read his expression at all. What if he doesn’t like what he’s seeing? Mu Qing wraps his arms around himself trying his best to hide, “What?”
“Don’t do that. You’re beautiful.” Feng Xin grabs his hands, prying them away from his body, “You might be too beautiful actually, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop staring.”
“Sh- shut up! You’re s- still filthy.” Mu Qing stutters while trying his best not to burst into flames right then and there. “Did you bring the soap and oils?”
“Of course I did. Do you think I’m some kind of idiot?” Feng Xin teases, knowing exactly what the answer to that question is. He displays the options of scents to Mu Qing and raises an eyebrow when he chooses the orange scented one. “Really?”
“If you don’t like this one then why did you bring it?” Mu Qing snaps suddenly feeling self-conscious.
In the past, this kind of thing would’ve started an argument with both of them jumping to conclusions. Nowadays, Feng Xin realizes Mu Qing must be feeling attacked to lash out like this. They understand each other much better, and Feng Xin no longer takes personal offense to Mu Qing’s comments. In return, Mu Qing no longer jumps to attack because he feels like Feng Xin is looking at him wrong— although with how pinched Feng Xin’s eyebrows constantly are, he thinks anyone would do the same. Feng Xin sighs as he tries to explain himself while tenderly squeezing Mu Qing’s hand, “I do, Qing-er, I promise, I just didn’t think that was the one you would pick.”
“It’s not for me.” Mu Qing says, lowering his defenses and leaning into Feng Xin’s space. Feng Xin’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly but he nods energetically. With his skin tone, it’s barely noticeable when Feng Xin blushes but Mu Qing has been noticing it significantly more and he definitely notices it right now as he glides his fingers over Feng Xin’s skin.
Mu Qing slides a hand into Feng Xin’s hair and unties the golden ribbon holding it up, allowing the chestnut strands to fall to his shoulders. He runs his hand through the mess thinking about how he should deal with the heap of tangles when his eyes land on something else that has him thinking in a completely different direction. He hasn’t gotten a good look at Feng Xin yet and now they’re so close he can see all the details. He notices that there is a thin white line starkly contrasting with the perfect skin on his shoulder Mu Qing has never noticed before. They haven’t seen this much of each other in a long time and now, Mu Qing can’t stop seeing all the new scars Feng Xin has acquired. He must be staring too obviously because Feng Xin notices something isn’t right.
“What’s wrong?” Feng Xin asks delicately while absentmindedly kissing the wrist of the hand he’s holding.
Mu Qing lightly runs a finger over the line and trails it across the man’s collarbone. “N- nothing, ah!”
“Sorry!” Feng Xin squawks retracting his hand from Mu Qing’s chest, which makes him realize they’re so close he doesn’t have to move far. Mu Qing touches a hand there himself, ghosting over the area Feng Xin seemingly touched without thinking or a reason until Mu Qing remembers the fierce battle that caused the scar there. Feng Xin’s brows are furrowed more than normal as he scans over Mu Qing’s chest and mumbles, “Sorry, you just—“
“You too…” Mu Qing nods, continuing to trace over the scar on Feng Xin’s shoulder while noticing a dozen more. A dozen times he wasn’t there to stand in the way of Feng Xin and a blade. His heart aches seeing all the injuries that could’ve been stopped if he had been there. He tries to focus on cleaning the muck away from them with his orange-scented soap, but his mind is elsewhere as he remembers all the times Feng Xin went off on missions alone. He worried about him silently but in the end, he let Feng Xin deal with everything alone.
He always had the urge to check with the Nan Yang deputies on the status of the missions and more importantly their general, but he never had the confidence to go through with it. He assumed the deputies wouldn’t tell him even if he ordered them and said it was for the wellbeing of the entire South. He didn’t want to cause a scene trying to get the information and potentially lose face. Now, all those reasons seem so stupid. It would have been just as easy to go with Feng Xin on those missions.
“A Binu, and yes, it was stupid.” Feng Xin says lifting Mu Qing’s chin to make him meet his gaze. That’s when Mu Qing realizes he hasn’t been cleaning anything and had only been staring at the first scar he noticed. Feng Xin interlaces their fingers over the back of Mu Qing’s hand that he’s still holding. He kisses Mu Qing’s palm as he moves the hand to nuzzle it against his cheek and asks thoughtfully, “What are you thinking?”
Mu Qing sighs deciding to be honest while continuing to run his free hand over the countless scars on the other man’s chest. “I’m thinking… I’m a terrible person.”
“What the fuck? No, Qing-er, why would you say that?” Feng Xin says while holding Mu Qing’s hand to his face like it’s comforting him.
“You have so many new scars I’ve never seen. If I was with you a Binu never would have come close.” Mu Qing says sullenly sulking.
“Ah, it doesn’t matter, Qing-er, it happened a long time ago. But this,” Feng Xin tilts his head to kiss Mu Qing’s wrist and that’s when Mu Qing realizes that the hand Feng Xin has been holding and caressing is the one that was marred by a cursed shackle during that turbulent time that feels so long ago and forgotten. There’s not much left there except a faded scar at this point but it’s still noticeable. This whole time Feng Xin has been pouting over it and Mu Qing didn’t even notice, “this didn’t. Fuck, I think I’m the terrible one here.”
“A-Xin, don’t fucking say that you idiot.” Mu Qing snaps. They’re so close that their noses and chests are almost touching. Mu Qing can feel every breath Feng Xin breathes and he feels the way Feng Xin’s shoulders slump.
Feng Xin shakes his head, “I should have been there. I should have fucking fought for you, instead of…”
Mu Qing slides his thumb across Feng Xin’s cheek while running his hand over a particularly wide scar across Feng Xin’s abdomen, “You’re wrong. It wouldn’t have done anything anyway, but you have the proof of all the times I didn’t fight for you.”
Feng Xin snatches Mu Qing’s free hand away from his skin making Mu Qing look up again, “Qing-er, those are just stupid fucking mistakes from missions—“
“Mistakes that wouldn’t have happened if I had been there! So, I’m the terrible one and you can shut up now!” Mu Qing yells then promptly yelps as Feng Xin uses the hold he now has on both of Mu Qing’s hands to yank his arms upward and wrap them around his neck.
“I love you, Qing-er, but you’re so fucking wrong!” Feng Xin grips Mu Qing’s biceps holding his arms in place and making them feel impossibly closer as their chests touch.
The closeness doesn’t stop Mu Qing’s fire as he rages on, fingernails clawing in Feng Xin’s neck, “Oh really? Well, you probably have more scars than me!”
“I beg to fucking differ! I bet you have more!” Feng Xin retorts with just as much passion.
“Prove it!” Mu Qing stares wide-eyed at Feng Xin simultaneously realizing what he just said and that he’s practically sitting in Feng Xin’s lap. His grip on Feng Xin’s neck relaxes and Feng Xin’s hands slide down to his waist. The touch still makes him want to jump but the urge is buried far beneath the challenge he’s just created. He has less scars than Feng Xin and he’ll prove it.
Feng Xin nods resolutely and touches a hand to the scar on his shoulder and then to the one on his abdomen Mu Qing had been fixated on, “So, Binu is one. This one I got distracted and a wrath snuck up on me, so that’s two.”
Mu Qing pulls away from Feng Xin to watch him count out his long healed injuries. A few times he reaches out and touches the spot Feng Xin just showed him, but when he feels a layer of dirt on top of them, he starts cleaning Feng Xin as he goes. He needs something to do with his hands through this, so he gently washes Feng Xin’s chest and arms while listening to Feng Xin explain each story of how he obtained every single scar over eight hundred years. Each injury makes Mu Qing’s heart ache but at the same time, it makes him feel better that Feng Xin will never have to deal with his injuries alone again.
When they get to Feng Xin’s back, Mu Qing stands behind him and combs through his hair. He points the scars out for Feng Xin to explain since he can no longer see them while Mu Qing pours water over his hair and thoroughly cleanses it. By the time they’re done, he’s running oils through the thick head of hair and Feng Xin turns to Mu Qing expectantly.
Mu Qing sighs but sits down again to recount his own stories of failure. He almost jumps out of his skin when he feels Feng Xin’s hands touching him in the same way he had done for him. Feng Xin immediately backtracks and tries to get Mu Qing to clean himself but, after catching a whiff of the scent Feng Xin chose for him, he asks him to continue.
Feng Xin chose the vanilla scent Mu Qing always wears and he didn’t even ask this time. He realizes Feng Xin probably didn’t need to ask the first time, but he’s been going out of his way to make Mu Qing feel as comfortable as possible throughout their budding relationship. He knows he shouldn’t be surprised, but something about these kinds of gestures from him makes Mu Qing want to curl up against him.
So, Mu Qing allows Feng Xin to touch him and clean him while he points out each of his own scars. His heart pounds incessantly the entire time and the steam rising from the water doesn’t help to cool him down but with each new story he tells he relaxes a fraction more.
By the time Feng Xin stands to wash his back and hair, he’s practically melting into the pool with how good it feels. He loves the warmth of the pool, and he loves the way Feng Xin takes care of him in a way that makes him feel cherished. He realizes they’ve explored each other's bodies in a way that isn’t remotely sexual, and he is grateful for it. Maybe Feng Xin agreed to this stupid little game because he knew it would help Mu Qing through his mental block or maybe he’s just a doofus who will go along with whatever stupid thing Mu Qing suggests. He decides he doesn’t care either way because he loves his doofus.
When Feng Xin coats his hands in oil and runs them through his hair, he leans into the touch and smiles to himself. Especially when he realizes Feng Xin’s method of washing includes many kisses on the forehead. His hair takes considerably longer than Feng Xin’s given its length which means Feng Xin isn’t done with it when Mu Qing finishes explaining his scars. Although Feng Xin doesn’t seem to mind as he continues to diligently care for the silky black strands.
His hands soothingly run across Mu Qing’s scalp lightly scratching as they go until eventually, Feng Xin's hands linger on his scalp and rub in relaxing circles. There’s no reason for him to be doing this other than the fact that he thinks Mu Qing will like it. He rubs circles on his neck, scalp, and even makes his way to his temples before pressing a sweet kiss onto his forehead. When Mu Qing giggles quietly and looks up at him, he can’t resist placing a quick kiss on those soft pink lips too.
They’ve both lost count of the scars and the winner is undecided but neither of them cares as Feng Xin sits next to Mu Qing again. However, Feng Xin’s brows furrow as he looks Mu Qing over again. Mu Qing feels a familiar nervousness settling in his stomach as he asks, “What?”
Feng Xin takes a minute to respond like he’s thinking about the words he wants to say, which might be a first, “Are you too warm? We can leave any time if you need.”
“No, the water feels nice. Why?” Mu Qing shifts awkwardly in the water.
“You’re really red.”
Mu Qing scoffs, offended, and feels that painful self-consciousness taking over. He starts to scoot away as he replies coldly, “That’s just what happens when I’m anywhere warm.”
“No, wait, I think it’s cute.” Feng Xin coos as he pulls him back and boops a finger to his nose.
Mu Qing stares perplexed for a good while but finally, he seethes, “I am not cute! I’m a fierce and ruthless martial god!”
“Aw, how adorable!” Feng Xin yanks him into a full body squeeze that Mu Qing fights against at first but they both quickly devolve into laughter, and he melts into Feng Xin’s chest. Feng Xin holds him there for a minute pressing several lazy kisses into his freshly washed hair and stroking his back, “This is nice. Can we stay like this for a while?”
Mu Qing nods feeling all his muscles deflate as the strain he put on them over the past three days catches up to him. Mu Qing moves his legs to rest over Feng Xin’s lap as he lays his head on Feng Xin’s shoulder. They stay together holding each other for a while longer before getting dressed. By the time they remove themselves from the pool, Mu Qing is only a moment away from sleep but when Feng Xin suggests it, he reluctantly pries himself away from Feng Xin’s comfortable shoulder and follows him out of the water.
As Mu Qing puts his robes back on, he struggles with the ties as his hands shake. The change from the warm water to the early morning air has been a cold one. Normally this temperature would be fine but after being in the water so long he’s not used to it anymore. And of course, Feng Xin notices, “Are you cold?” Feng Xin moves to help Mu Qing with his ties since he has easily put on his own robes already and after successfully getting all of Mu Qing’s clothes on, he continues, “Stay at Nan Yang palace tonight. I know a way to keep you warm all night.”
Mu Qing sputters, failing to come up with a response to that insinuation, “What the hell?!”
Feng Xin’s eyes widen, and he waves his hands widely after realizing his mistake, “Oh, fuck! Not like that! I meant I have the big fur blankets you like, and I can light a big fire in the fireplace for you while we sleep tonight.”
Mu Qing rolls his eyes at his boyfriend's eternal stupidity, but the corners of his lips lift upward, “It’s morning already.”
Feng Xin looks bewildered as he peers to the horizon to see the sun barely peaking over, “Shit, we talked all night? Well, I still think we should go to my place and sleep.”
“’Cause you’re a pervert?” Mu Qing raises a teasing eyebrow.
Feng Xin chuckles but he looks at Mu Qing with a wide, sincere smile as he replies, “Because I love you and I want to keep holding you.”
Mu Qing feels his face heating up and this time it has nothing to do with the water. He shifts in place thinking it over before coming to the conclusion that he wants Feng Xin to keep holding him, too. “F- fine.”
Feng Xin enthusiastically grabs his hand and starts leading them toward his palace. It feels like Feng Xin is practically running and Mu Qing isn’t sure he’ll be able to hear him as he mumbles, “I l- l- love you, too.”
That is until something taps his nose, and he hears the word, “Cute.”
That response earns Feng Xin a harsh glare and a few half-hearted insults but ultimately, he ends up with several hours of cuddle time under his fur blankets so he would probably say it was worth it.