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This was ridiculous. Adam didn’t understand why he needed to go to the faculty and grad Halloween dinner, but the email from the dean plainly stated that it was required. He did his duty on the rewards committee. He didn’t need to be there to hand out any rewards themselves. He found it absurd they were adding a Halloween dinner in the first place.
More than that, it would end the streak. He was both dreading and excited about it. Adam hadn’t seen Olive since September 29th, when his heart was sufficiently shattered. He needed every day since to keep himself together, but the pain hadn’t subsided. His hope was gone, but his love remained.
Now, he would have to go to this stupid dinner and hear the announcement about her leaving. That’s what this was about, after all. She was a huge part of the biology department for a grad student. In her email, the dean said there was an announcement about a loss to the department so everyone could say goodbye and celebrate their “new journey.”
As if he needed to hear anything else. Tom was in his ear constantly about Olive, either talking about her year to come at Harvard or asking questions. In Tom’s defense, it was primarily questions. He was trying to get a read on Adam and Olive’s relationship, fishing for any information he could, which Adam deflected at every turn. He couldn’t bear telling Tom they broke up.
“Knock, knock.”
Adam didn’t bother looking, keeping his eyes peeled on the papers he was grading.
“You know, the dean said this was required.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Hardly. You haven’t even come into the room yet. Everyone has noticed.”
Everyone.
As though he cared about everyone; he only cared about one. Adam sighed, putting everything away.
“Fine.”
“You could pretend to be cheerful. At least you look like you’re in the spirit, being black and broody. You know this was a costume dinner, right?”
This fu—Adam scowled, stopping himself. Complaining mentally or physically about faculty dinners made him think of Olive, which hurt. “As if I would wear a costume. You look ridiculous.”
“I look fantastic, thank you.”
He flinched. “I’m sorry. I’m being a dick. You look great. So did Malcolm, from your photo.”
“Olive isn’t wearing a costume either,” Holden said softly.
A pang twisted in his chest. She probably couldn’t afford one. He would have bought her whatever she wanted. Adam paused at the door, taking a deep breath before walking inside.
He found her immediately, his body a magnet for hers. She looked tired and worn down like she wasn’t feeling well. Her usual smile was replaced with an imperceptible frown, and a napkin twisted repeatedly in her hands. Ununtouched, a full plate of snacks lay on the table. Not at all like his Olive, who likely would have come for the free food even if it wasn’t mandatory.
Adam wanted to go to her and make it all better. He’d let her make as many smart-ass comments as needed until she smiled again. If she wanted, they could leave and go to Starbucks now. It was open until 11 PM; he’d buy her that gross pumpkin sludge. Anything she wanted, he would make happen. He wanted to hear her laugh again.
As though she could sense him, Olive looked up, catching his gaze. His heart pounded in his chest, willing him to move to her. He didn’t. He kept his features neutral and tried not to worry about how her lips parted, eyes widening.
Instead, he walked with Holden to where a seat had been saved for him, nodding to whoever said hello.
“Adam,” Dr. Aslan beamed, “You’re just in time for the awards.”
“Apologies for being late,” was all he could manage.
He wasn’t sure if he could sit through this, but he would try. Around him, everyone was wearing costumes, laughing, and eating Halloween-themed food—everyone except Olive. Her throat bobbed, and her cheeks were pink. Adam hated the red rim around her eyes. He wished she would eat something. He worried about her health constantly.
Adam willed himself to understand why she seemed as inattentive as he felt. He forced himself to stop noticing and thinking about her. She wasn’t his to worry about; she didn’t want that from him. The ceremony was droning on, boring him, when Holden nudged his ribs.
“Where did Olive go? Malcolm texted. She’s going to miss the announcement.”
“How should I know? She’s probably getting ready for it,” Adam muttered. It was about her, after all. Still, his unease grew as the seconds passed. Finally, he could no longer take it and rose from his seat.
🎃 👻 🎃 👻🎃 👻🎃
Olive couldn’t remember the day she had last felt this horrible. Well, maybe that’s not true. Probably the days following the fake breaking up with Adam. That was barely a month ago, and nothing was feeling better. Time was supposed to heal all wounds, but the more days passed, the more she felt like hers were being ripped open.
It was almost nine at night. This mandatory dinner was a disaster, just like her life. She should have been having fun, but everything hurt. She decided to be reckless and did something she hadn’t done in years. Go to the bathroom. Not any old bathroom, of course. The bathroom. She flew down the hallway, muttering to herself. Adam wouldn’t be able to miss the announcement, after all. There was no risk of him walking in when he needed to be in the room to tell everyone about Harvard.
Shutting the door behind her, she sat down on the ground where she was the day she met him. Before she even knew it was him. Why did the most impactful person in her life have to be the man who didn’t remember her?
She sat there, weeping silently. The night they had together was perfect, just like she had hoped, but the fact that’s all it would ever be broke Olive’s heart. She couldn’t bear to think of him. The loss of Adam was visceral. Silent sobs were wrecking through her, and she was so caught in the feeling of it she didn’t hear the door open.
“Olive.” Adam’s deep, shocked voice cut through the air. She tried to scramble to her feet but tripped in the process. Great. She stood before he could help her up, which was good. She couldn’t cope with him touching her right now. He fisted his hands at his side, never taking his eyes off her.
“Sorry. I was just leaving.”
He looked tired and empty. Similar to how she felt. He didn’t move a millimeter. Adam stood there, staring at her spot, thinking something through. “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to be alone for a second. I was headed right back. I know we’re all supposed to be at the dinner. Excuse—”
“But why here,” he pushes. She could see a glint of desperation in his eyes. “Why this bathroom, in that spot?”
What an interesting question. If it were anyone else, Olive wouldn’t think twice about it. But from Adam, those were particular points to ask about. Did Olive have anything left to lose? She had already lost him, after all. Maybe she should stop lying for once.
“Because I think I met you here a little over three years ago. In this spot.”
Shock was the prominent feature on Adam’s face as his lips parted. His hand hovered over his stomach like he couldn’t control his limbs. “You remember me?”
Now, it was Olive’s turn to be surprised. “You…you remember me?”
“Of course, I remembered you.”
“You never said anything…” Her mind was reeling. Adam can’t remember her, surely.
“You introduced yourself as though we had never met,” he insisted.
“I never saw you because of my contacts,” she whispered. “I figured out it was you during fluchella. I had my suspicions for a while, but I was confident then. You…remembered me this whole time? You’re Adam Carlsen. Famously direct. I assumed you would have said something if you remembered me.”
Olive took her time then, watching Adam and taking in his full appearance. He looked horrible. Run down. There were dark circles under his eyes. “Yes. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I…ran myself in circles about the whole thing for years until I realized I let too much time pass.”
There was a pregnant pause.
“Aren’t you missing the announcement?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“Right. I’ll leave you to it. Congratulations on your new position. Harvard is lucky to have you.”
“I’m not…I will be staying here. I only—” he stopped, shaking his head. “I won’t be moving to Boston. I hope you enjoy your time there. I assumed the announcement was for you.”
Olive gaped at him. “You’re not moving to Harvard?”
“I…no. I’m not.” Adam looked to the ground, rubbing his forehead.
“You seemed keen during our night in Boston,” she pressed.
“Situations change. I didn’t mean to seem deceiving.”
“I’m staying here too. I’m not moving to Boston.”
Adam’s eyes widen. “I don’t understand.”
“Who’s leaving the department?” They asked at the same.
“I can’t believe it’s not you,” Adam stressed. “I thought for certain…”
She shook her head, feeling cold. “God, if it’s Dr. Aslan…I’m not ready for that. I don’t—she can’t leave yet—” Olive felt dizzy and needed some air. She was relieved Adam wasn’t leaving, though that left more questions than answers, and was petrified Dr. Aslan was. Would she need to leave Stanford permanently? “I should get back to the dinner. Excuse me.” His scent as she walked past made her want to cry again. Adam trailed after her, grabbing her hand gently and setting her skin ablaze.
“Olive, please.” They both looked down at their connected palms. “I’m sorry.” Adam moved to drop her hand, but Olive tightened her grip reflexively before letting go.
“You look tired,” she says.
“It has been a long few weeks,” he admits. “You look tired, too.”
“It’s been a long few weeks,” she sighed, throwing his words back at him. Not to be mean, but because they’re true. “Why did you leave the dinner?”
“I wanted to clear my head, and Malcolm was looking for you.”
“Has it worked?”
“No. The opposite. Why are you not moving to Boston?” His brows were furrowed, and Olive knew this wasn’t the place.
“Maybe a different time. We should get back before anyone notices, and I’m sure you’re tired. You could leave as soon as the announcements are done. You probably want to sleep and enjoy your weekend—”
“There is nothing I’d rather do more than speak to you.” His voice was earnest. Should she tell him everything? “Where are you finishing your study?”
“Adam…” Olive rubbed her forehead, unsure how to move forward. She filled up her water flask, stalling.
“All I ask is for five minutes. Please, Olive. My office?”
“Fine. But we need to go back to the dinner for now. Once they’re done, we can talk.”
Adam’s entire body relaxed when she agreed. Olive barely paid attention to the remainder of the announcements, her mind reeling. She never expected whoever was leaving the department to be anyone but Adam.
His stormy eyes were fixed on her, a sign of their conversation to come. It was cowardly, but Olive assumed Tom would have told him about the change of plans by now. The knowledge Adam didn’t know was a surprise, to say the least.
Malcolm nudged her. “Are you paying attention at all?”
“No.”
“Why does Carlsen look like he’s about to burst into flames?”
“We’re supposed to talk when the announcements are over.”
“Talk?”
“Come clean,” she amended. “About everything, I suppose. He thought I was still moving to Boston, and the announcement was about me.”
“But the announcement is about him, isn’t it?” Malcolm whispered.
“Apparently not. He told me before I came back in that he declined Harvard’s offer.”
Malcolm’s eyebrows skyrocketed. “Holden never said that.”
“Maybe they thought it was common knowledge. Plus, he doesn’t know that you knew, right?”
“That’s true…”
“…has been a cherished member of the department for many years now, and we will be sad to see them go. He’s going to come up here to say a few words and tell you himself…Dr. McCoy, everyone.”
There was clapping and discussion, but Olive couldn’t hear it above the ringing in her ears. One glance at Adam showed the relief in his face that her words were true. When Dr. McCoy finished speaking, Adam nodded his head toward the door.
It was a question, but it felt more like sealing her fate. Olive’s feet didn’t move as Adam watched her. All around them, people were laughing and dancing, wearing costumes and pretending to be someone else for the night. But even though they were in their normal clothes, there was a shift in Olive’s bones, realizing their masks were about to be taken off.
“Five minutes?” She asked.
“Five minutes,” he confirmed.
They were silent as Adam led the way to his office. Instead of sitting behind his desk, Adam led her to the couch along the side wall. Placing his elbows on his knees, he leaned forward with such a hopeful look that Olive’s heart turned.
“You remember me from the bathroom,” he prods. Feeling defeated, Olive swore she would be honest about anything he asked.
“Yes. You were the most important person I had met for years. I never forgot what the bathroom Guy said—the advice you gave. I wanted to thank you so many times. I searched for him, but I thought he was a grad student. I never considered faculty. When I realized it was you, I assumed you wouldn’t have remembered. I wasn’t important.”
“And Jeremy?”
“Me liking him was all a lie.”
His eyes widen. She could tell he wasn’t expecting that. “But the person you were talking to Malcolm about…”
Olive closed her eyes, unable to look at him. “Was you. I panicked when I thought you heard me talking about you, so I lied. I knew things were fake, but I enjoyed your company and friendship more than I can explain. I didn’t want to lose that. We were supposed to be friends, and I was worried it would have ruined everything if you knew I wanted more.”
“You had feelings for me?” He asked sharply, as though he couldn’t believe her words.
“Yes,” she sighed. “But like I said, I knew things between us were fake, and Holden told me all about the amazing woman you wanted to be with while you were in Boston. He thought it was me and told me he was happy we found our way to each other. He meant no harm. He didn’t know the truth. That’s all. I just…I didn’t want to complicate anything for you. You deserve that happiness with whoever she is.”
“Of course,” Adam mutters, wiping his face. “So the night of the 28th…?”
“Was very real for me,” she said quietly. “It wasn’t my intention when I agreed to room with you. I mean, damn, I was panicking about rooming with you because I didn’t know how I was supposed to share a space with you and not tell you how much I liked you. But after we kissed…you were right. It was wrong, but it was also so, so right and I selfishly wanted at least one perfect night with you. The next day was the 29th. Our time was up.”
“It was perfect,” he agrees. “Why are you not moving to Boston?”
“That would take longer than the time we have left.” Olive was deflecting, but it was necessary.
“May I have a short version?”
“I decided finishing my study closer to Stanford would be best. I felt as though it wasn’t compatible with the studies currently taking place in Dr. Benton’s lab.”
They were silent for a long moment. Then, quietly, “Are you lying?”
Olive’s head snaps back. “Why do you assume that?”
“All I mean is if you said no because you were uncomfortable with the thought of me being there, too, I’m sure you could speak with Tom. He would still have space.”
Of course. Adam thought she was saying no because she thought he would be there. “No. The thought of you being there was never a problem. That would have been a nice reprieve.” Olive’s voice was firm. Maybe too firm, given Adam’s reaction.
“But you declined the opportunity after you found out I was interviewing.”
Olive swiped angrily at the tears breaking free. This was all too much stress. She wanted to scream into the void or beg him to understand everything she had done was to help him. “I made my decision before I knew you were interviewing.”
“You never said anything,” he says, still confused.
“Why do you care so much?” She asks curiously. He seems too invested for a casual acquaintance. That’s all they were now, right?
“I only accepted an interview at Harvard because you were moving there. I didn’t like the thought of being away from you. Not after having the opportunity to be so close and know what that’s like,” he admits. His voice was soft, but Olive couldn’t detect a lie.
“I don’t understand…”
“The amazing woman Holden was telling you about was you, Olive. Ever since we met.” Adam is looking at her earnestly, willing her to believe him.
“No,” Olive shakes her head. That cannot be possible. “No, she...”
“Was you. Is you. Take your pick.” Adam takes her hand, kissing her knuckles. “I thought after our night together, we wouldn’t end things on the 29th. I was shocked, Olive. I thought you felt the same since you said you really liked and trusted me.”
Olive blushed, looking down. She never thought she would have this conversation with Adam in her wildest dreams. Where to go from here? Everything has changed, but nothing has changed. Not really.
“Sweetheart,” he cupped Olive’s cheeks, wiping her tears. “Please look at me.” Olive’s chin trembled, but she did as he asked. “Is that all? Did you only end things with me because you thought you were getting in the way of someone else, and it’s what we agreed on?”
“No.”
Adam’s face fell. “Please, tell me. I will do anything to fix whatever it is, Olive.”
“You can’t fix it. I’m sorry, Adam. But—”
“No. Things can always be fixed.”
“Not this.”
“Olive, I—”
“Not this, Adam. I’m sorry, but I have to go. I think our five minutes are up. We should get back to the department.”
Adam went pale, and she could feel his panic in the trembling of his hand as though it were her own. She understood it, assuming everything he said was true tonight. It was unlikely they would speak alone again anytime soon. An entire month had passed, as it was. Olive had a hard time believing that his feelings for her were as strong as her feelings for him, so the ease of making this sacrifice was simple. As it turned out, Adam wouldn’t give up without a fight.
“There has to be something I can do to change whatever happened. Fix it. Please let me help you, Olive.”
“I’m trying to help you!” She explodes. Olive regretted it immediately, clapping her hand to her mouth. His whole demeanor changed. Adam had a brilliant mind, and she just handed him a puzzle.
“You’ve been trying to help me?” He asks, eyes narrowing.
“Please let me out,” she sighs.
“I’m sorry, but no.”
“Great,” Olive mumbled and made herself comfortable on the couch because—why not?
“You ended things on the 29th and are not moving to Boston because you are trying to help me, correct?”
She glared at him from the couch. “I’m not playing this game.”
“Correct, then. And you said you decided prior to knowing I was interviewing for Boston. Which means before the evening of the 28th.”
“A real-life Sherlock Holmes in action,” she says dryly. In truth, she was getting nervous. She was a horrible liar, and if he brought Tom up, she was going to be en fuego.
“But you were still planning on moving to Boston before that because you had mentioned…” His eyes widened, and Olive knew she was in the danger zone. “The people who made you cry after your panel. No…person. Was it Tom?”
“No,” she said quickly.
“What did he say to you?” He presses. Olive’s lips were pressed into such a flat line she was sure they were white. She shook her head hopelessly.
“Sweetheart,” Adam crouched to her level, tilting her chin to meet his gaze. He continued, voice no more than a rasp, “No one is more important to me than you. Please, Olive.”
Olive was trembling. Wringing her hands together and trying to keep the tears at bay. “You can’t mean that.”
He scoffed. “I’ve wanted to ask you out for three years. I’ve loved you from afar ever since we met. The month we spent together was the best of my life. I’ve never been more serious about anything.”
She was too scared to speak, but Adam, being Adam, waited patiently, coaxing her out of her shell. He seemed unbothered about how tightly she gripped his hand, his thumb gently caressing until Olive finally nodded. Taking a deep breath, she spoke until her voice was hoarse. Olive told him everything.
What Tom had said and done.
How worried she was about his grant.
That she didn’t want him to not move to Boston because he seemed happy about the change.
The way she didn’t want him to lose a close friend, especially after learning how Tom helped Adam at Harvard.
“I have a recording, though. I promised Dr. Aslan I would record my panel, and I forgot to turn it off if you don’t—”
“Send me that recording as soon as possible so I can use it as evidence. I’m going to fix this, Olive. He needs to be punished and fired for what he did. He had no right to—” Adam stopped, taking a deep breath. “I’m going to fix this. I’m sorry, Sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”
“You’re not upset?”
“I’m furious with Tom. I could never be upset with you. I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”
“But your grant…”
“Is just money. It’s not you, Olive. Nor is Tom. I want to fucking kill him.”
Somewhere amid her story, Olive wound up in Adam’s arms. He was holding her tightly, wiping her tears away. Her mind was jumbled, and the only constant thought was how good it felt to be caged in by him. To have his scent and warmth so close.
“Can you forgive me? I should have never trusted you with him.”
Olive reacted on instinct, leaning forward and pressing her lips to his. Adam shuddered beneath her palms, cupping her face and pulling her closer. This kiss was unlike the others. It was slow and passionate, open and honest. The truth was free, driving them forward.
Her hands tangled in his hair, her legs swinging to straddle his hips. Adam’s hands snaked up her back and into her hair. Their tongues met, and they kissed with no holds barred until Adam tore his lips from hers, moving to trail open-mouthed kisses down her throat, collarbone, and chest.
“Halloween is my new favorite holiday.”
“Should we…go somewhere?” Olive breathed.
“Hmm?”
“Maybe your place? I have a twin bed, but I don’t think you’d fit.”
“I want to keep you forever,” he hummed, kissing the swell of her breast. “I love you, Olive.”
His eyes were opaque, warm, and honest, and he looked up at her, full of adoration and hope.
“Ik hou van jou, Adam,” She said, kissing him again. Adam breathed a happy laugh as Olive grabbed his hands to pull him to her level. “I’ve missed you.”
The moment they walked through his door, Adam and Olive were fused together. Adam told Olive again how sorry he was, how much he loved her, and how he would never let her go again. She couldn’t parse how she was feeling; it was too much. Wrapped in his arms again and shielded from the world, Olive couldn’t explain it to him, but she had the courage to tell and show him how much she loved him.
Olive beamed at him, oxytocin and serotonin flowing freely through her bloodstream. “So, Dr. Carlsen, did we find a student-faculty dinner that was finally worth the small talk?”