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It was a warm July night, and Sylvie opened the restaurant door. She took the few steps and headed for her vehicle. Into the parking lot. Only the full moon lit up the place with the lights of the still-open restaurant. She picked up her keys and placed her bag of food on the edge of the trunk.
When her gaze wandered elsewhere, Sylvie's meal disappeared after she had placed it on her trunk. She opened the car door, looked up to retrieve her meal, but it was gone. Frowning, she looked around. Then she turned and saw Loki with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face.
She sighed because she wasn't in the mood to play. “Loki... Can you give me back my food?”
Loki withdrew his hands from his pockets, “I have no idea what you're talking about.” Lying, of course.
Sylvie bit her lower lip, before resting her lower back on her car door.
“Well, what do you want? TVA still got a problem?” She asked to cut this game short and get her meal back.
Loki breathed, then wriggled his fingers in front of him. He swallowed, as if tense, but Sylvie didn't react or understand it. She remained impassive. Loki took a few steps as he began to answer,
“The core's stable now. It's not... for TVA...” He began. Sylvie tilted her head. “Well...” she added.
He kept coming closer, taking very slow steps. Sylvie could feel him coming closer and closer. Except she couldn't run away, or back away. The vehicle was holding her back, and she leaned her whole back against the door as if it were going to move backwards. Her head tilted back, so she stood up more as Loki's height got higher and higher as he got closer to her. He continued to speak, “Yes, there's something to sort out, but I didn't come here to talk about that...”
Sylvie tried not to show any reaction, but her heart was beating so fast, she tried to control her breath, which itself was beginning to be difficult to keep steady. Loki finally stopped walking. So close, too close. Her eyes lifted as much as Loki's were down to look at her attentively.
“For what, then?” She asked, abruptly, as if to quickly cease this moment that was disturbing her completely. Loki was looking at the ground before he managed to look at her again. He opened his mouth, “I...” searching for words.
Sylvie swallowed, her back pressing so hard against the door, ready to bend the vehicle's paddock.
“We...” He continued. Sylvie searched his face, after Loki pushed back his hair and looked up at the sky, filled with stars. As if they were going to help him. She followed his gaze before looking down again. Sylvie realized he was trying to share something again.
She gently placed her hand on his chest, inside his open brown coat, to rest her palm on his shirt. She didn't explain why. Loki quickly lowered his gaze to see what she had just done. Even though he'd sensed it only seconds before.
She kept her flat hand on him. Still, just a long silence. Loki raised his arm to brush his long fingertips around her wrist under her sleeve, before looking at her again. Without knowing why, this calmed Sylvie, or relaxed her. So did he. The parking lot was quiet and still on this late summer evening.
She heard his heart beating so loudly through his chest. She felt like it was going to come out of him. She couldn't help but draw a gentle smile on her lips, which also relaxed Loki even more now.
“If only it could speak for me.” Loki then commented. More to himself, even if Sylvie heard him. And he knew it. Loki was coming back to watch her face, even though she kept her gaze still on her open hand against his chest. Loki had an idea that crossed his mind then. He kept brushing his cold fingers, despite the heat, over the front of her flat hand on his shirt.
“Remember when we first met and you immediately tried to control me with the enchantment?” Loki asked.
Sylvie was still moving her eyes over his chest, “I do.” She replied, then continued, “And you forbade me to see anything of you, as if to protect you. And I understand.”
Loki listened, with a faint smile as he reviewed the scene of them.
“I'm not an easy man.” He retorted for a laugh.
Sylvie smiled wider now looking at him. “That's clear.” She added in return, wrinkling her little nose. Loki laughed with a very warm smile before cutting off his laughter when he felt more like doing this idea. He looked at her, more seriously, when she finally did too.
“Enchant me.” Loki asked Sylvie, without even hesitating for a second.
“What?” Sylvie retorted, surprised, frowning. She had heard very well. “Loki I already told you no the other day.”
“Enchant me.” He demanded again. His eyes filled with sincerity, almost as if begging.
Sylvie opened her mouth before looking at her hand on his chest again, still feeling his heart beating so hard. In the past she'd probably have done it, she'd tried to do it several times without asking his permission, but not anymore. She couldn't do that to him anymore. They'd been through too much together. It was too much of a trust they'd already taken so long to build and hold, so she wouldn't do it anymore.
“Loki...” She breathed, opening her mouth. She was about to lower her hand from his chest but he held it back to take it and slide his fingers around her. This closed her hand gently over herself with Loki's, which seemed so large compared to hers. Sylvie let him. They stayed on his chest. Observing gently.
“Please... I just... I... can't find my words when I want to... express things... But if you look into my mind, you can.”
Sylvie listened, in truth afraid. She was afraid of what she was going to discover, see, feel from Loki. As if, in the end, not knowing was going to help things more, despite how they felt about each other. But it didn't.
“I don't want to-I don't want to see. I can't.” Sylvie confided then, withdrawing her hand from within his. She managed to slide her back to the side, turning on herself against the door to escape the situation. Loki stepped back, with no choice. She opened the door, but Loki used his magic to close it. She stared at the window in front of her where she could see herself and Loki behind her through the shadows of the restaurant lights behind them.
“Sylvie, don't do this.” He said, in a colder voice.
As if his anger came on top of everything else. So annoyed at always forbidding himself to speak, at not finally discussing what they'd been through, about them. About that kiss too, about everything in the end. Loki continued,
“You can't pretend that what we went through didn't exist either. So yes, you want to start your life again, have a home, but you can't-”
Sylvie cut him off, after turned quickly to look at him and replied, “You don't know what I've been through, okay? I already told you it's unknown to me. I've just found a stable place and-”
Loki opened his arms, before to put his hands on his hips, not understanding. “So what?” He lowered his arms again. “It's new to me too, and you know it. I know what we've been through. I've been there. You-you...”
Loki stopped abruptly, opening his mouth with nothing suddenly coming out. Sylvie continued to stare. 'Come on say it!' she begged in her mind.
“You kissed me!” He finally blurted out loud to her. His voice so exhausted, as if it put him so low to have to keep it inside him for so long. It was eating away at him. Then he breathed before saying it again but more softly.
“You kissed me, Sylvie.” He repeated, his voice trembling.
Sylvie swallowed. Sylvie was so scared, really scared. She couldn't explain it.
“It was just a diversion.” She retorted, brutally, lying. Her eyes filled with pain and emotion, replaying that deep moment in her mind.
Loki took this to heart, but her eyes lied so much. Her answer was insincere. Loki was as if pinned to the ground. He didn't know what to say to finally clear the air between them.
“Listen... Please, Loki. You should go back to the TVA.” She ended the discussion. Again, running away. That was her way. She turned around again. Trying to reopen the door but Loki used his magic again to close it. More violently, more brutally.
“Sylvie, stop it. I know it's not true. I won't let you run away from me again.” He growled then, his hands clasped at his side. “I've already made that mistake so not again.”
Sylvie gritted her teeth and turned around once more, letting her frustration and then pride take control. He looked so devastated.
“What do you want me to see anyway? Huh? What would the god of mischief have to show me?” She asked, searching for him.
Loki gritted his teeth just as hard, before replying, “Certainly more than you.” He retorted, hurt.
Sylvie scoffed in return, before crossing her arms. “Oh, yeah? Well, look at that.” Before uncrossing her arms. “Make it clear that I have no heart too, it'll go quicker. Why is it always you who feels everything and I'm the monster?” She did not let him answer, then she shook her head.
But he did anyway. Loki relaxed his face, “Don't say that.”
Sylvie was no longer reacting. He couldn't stay angry long time, why should he? Why should he feel guilty for having feelings for Sylvie? Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why wouldn't she let him share what he'd carried for her since the first time he met her? He sensed she was lying about that kiss to protect herself and her fear of abandonment. He kept going,
“You're not a monster. You have every right to be angry about what you've been through, about the injustice of this organization. Or against me, even if I still don't understand why. But your anger won't help you, Sylvie. It will end up destroying you.” He then explained, calmly. His hand came to his heart, continuing still,
“What I know is... I felt that when you put your lips on mine in that citadel, you felt something strong. And it wasn't anger.”
“As if you knew better than me what I was feeling.” She retorted, rolling eyes.
He was right, but she didn't want to admit it. “Very complicated when you forbid yourself to show a sparkle with me.” He grumbled. Sylvie sighed, as if trying to relax her tense body. Before reopening her door, Loki didn't use his magic to close it; he himself pressed his hand against the edge of the door to close it. And keep it that way. With Loki standing behind her, she could only turn around, really annoyed. This made her really angry. But she knew she couldn't run away. She had to endure this.
“Loki. Stop, or I swear-” Teeth clenched.
She raised her hand to create magic, and pressed her hand to his chest again, ready to push him away with it violently. That hand she'd put down five minutes ago to feel his heart. Her green magic sparkled itself between his chest and her palm against it, ready to use it. But Loki's face was so close to her, their noses so close to brushing, his chest pressed against hers, despite her hand having managed to position itself between them. His whole body was against her. With his arms stretched out beside her, resting his hands around the door he kept closed.
“Go ahead... Push me.” He suggested then quickly, jaw clenched. His chest moving so hard with her hand, through his deep breathing. “Do it.” Loki kept going. Never moving, never even moving back an inch. He stared at her for several seconds, holding the tension so tightly. There was nothing but their eloquent breathing both. They couldn't help themselves.
She sought out his blue eyes despite the night. He was so handsome when he was trying to be angry and so fragile when he tried to be. Then, Sylvie gently extinguished her magic with her hand. She couldn't. She couldn't anymore. She didn't want to hurt him anymore. Or any of this.
“Loki, please...” She begged weakly then for him to step back and let her leave. Her eyes sad. Loki's body remained lying against her, the back of her shoulders against that closed window. Their breaths against each other still so dizzying, too much so. It exhausted him so much. She could no longer lie or hide things; her body spoke for her. He could feel her heart beating as fast as his own. Two magnets who couldn't help being attracted to each other, and suffering just as much from not letting themselves be together. Just the two of them. Just letting it all out at last: Accepting the truth.
He breathed, his face relaxed, “Don't go where I can't follow you, Sylvie.” He expressed softly, his eyes filled with sorrow.
Sylvie relaxed her shoulders, still raising her head toward Loki. She lowered her hand slowly. He drew back his arms and the upper part of his body, which he held over her. He took her hands, which had been lowered, and raised them to his neck under his collar. She didn't push him away. Feeling her fingers on his skin gave him such a shiver, even though it was warm and he couldn't feel the cold.
“Enchant me, Sylvie.” He begged weakly. Their eyes searching each other deeply. “Please...”
Sylvie watched her fingers touching his curls resting on his neck now.
“I trust you.” He added, sincerely. Sylvie put her eyes back on his face, so close to him.
She breathed, before finally accepting. Her magic returned to her palms, against the skin of his neck. She closed her eyes before her palms released magic to enchant him. Loki immediately closed his eyes, caught by the enchantment passing through his mind.
It entered his mind so simply, without any barrier. Or any doors. Loki had lowered his defenses, so confident was he in her. He was no longer afraid to share anything about himself, his past, who he was and what he felt for her.
Sylvie saw memories of him, his family, his moments alone, his suffering. His solitude. Of always feeling out of place, different. Of his Frost Giant origins that made him so ashamed for so long when it was a gift. Of things she didn't know before. About his background, his life. She saw it all. She felt everything. His joys, his pains, his sorrows. His tortures with Thanos. The guilt of not having been able to protect his mother, Frigga. Loki let himself be led into all these memories, without necessarily knowing it directly. She wasn't doing anything else, just reliving them. Observing them. She didn't change them or use them. Just going through them with him, through him.
She dwelt on their meeting, on this journey, on Loki trying to share what he felt before being pruned at the TVA. She understood more then what he wanted at that moment. He wanted to tell her already. She hadn't necessarily understood it at the time. Everything was so new. Her anger, her vengeance blinded her. In the void, when he pressed himself against her in that blanket. She realized that the “together” was him and her. That he wanted a future with her. That had been his choice all along. It was his dearest wish, not a throne or power. Without ever hesitating, it was her more than anything else.
In the citadel, she watched their fight from the side. When he held her back with every blow, so as not to kill Kang. She hadn't thought of it that way when she'd first experienced it with him. How it destroyed him to have to fight her. Every restraint to do everything in his power not to hurt her. His heart cracked every time. It was so painful, truly to feel it. She felt his pain every time he had to retaliate with his sword.
She heard his “No” again, so trembling between his lips, about killing her. Sylvie understood and felt better all this sorrow, pain through enchantment. Why he had made the choice to hold her back. What his 'no' wanted to express in more detail. The hidden sides. Sometimes words couldn't describe the feelings, and she understood now. Even though she knew deep down that Loki was already feeling something for her, it seemed untouchable. But here, it was as if she could put all these things into concrete form and make something of them and receive it.
This fear of hurting her, of doing her harm, of wanting her to be okay. Loki felt his eyes fill with tears, even though they were closed in his enchantment. Sylvie's lip quivered, her thumbs brushing his neck as if to soothe him. She blamed herself so much. As if it would help calm his regrets, this pain so devastating to have this idea of having failed everything with her. Of not having done enough for Sylvie. That regret of not having been able to say what he felt better. He would have liked to try harder, to have more time.
He felt guilty about everything. Like everything was on his shoulders. He felt full of unfinished business with her. He couldn't express what he wanted. Yet he knew what he wanted. How much he didn't want her to suffer, but to be happy, that's all. With or without him. No matter how he felt, all he wanted was for her to be okay. That was all, sincerely, as he managed to confide in her in that citadel. But they were running out of time.
She could see again when she herself came to kiss him, how Loki wasn't surprised, or even against the kiss. How he'd already lowered his eyes to her mouth before she'd even pressed his. How much he'd hoped for this kiss, how much he'd dreamed of it. How it made him tremble, ran through his whole soul. She even felt her legs trembling too after she relieved this again.
How much he wanted to kiss her back before she pushed him into that door, because she was afraid. And to protect him. Even though she let her anger, her vengeance, take over. For she herself felt something for Loki, but she denied it to herself. Or didn't fully understand it at the time.
When Loki rushed back to the door, and wanted so much to come back to her. His eyes shattered when the door closed and he could no longer reach her. She saw this too, but for the first time, how he sat on that step, his face down, his eyes wet. He cried about it for a while in that viewing room. This failure he felt. She put her hand on his, even though he couldn't feel it. Her fingers caressed his jaw during this memory now, already whispering to him, “I'm sorry.” Loki's eyes and face remained staring ahead. She hoped he could hear her even if it was a memory.
Everything was already fading away. He let her see everything, feel everything, endure everything. He thought that she was lonely, she needed someone, and he failed. She felt this guilt so hard. God, it took her breath away for seconds. He wanted her back so badly, he was afraid for her. She was his everything. It sounded crazy, but it was real.
Sylvie gasped, seeing it all, feeling so much in such a short time. But already it was all disappearing to see him running to find her, despite his glitches, despite his time limit or he'd be lost in space-time. She was standing next to him again, even though she hadn't been there when it happened. Then she'd see him in 1977, in his black suit, looking for her, repeating her name, wanting her back. Then that red room, where Loki was losing his cool, wanting information about her at all costs.
She could see him walking into that restaurant once again. His eyes had already shared so much that day, but what he felt brought more. He was so relieved to have found her, to know she was okay. Sylvie stood looking at this scene of them in the parking lot that day. She was so angry at herself for pushing him away and for being so closed at that time. He wanted to tell her that he could finally breathe again. He wanted to confide in her that he was reassured to see her in good health. That she had changed him, that he'd never felt like this before. That he wouldn't be the same now. That he wanted to be with her, to live with her, on this timeline.
Or watching him eat his popcorn in 1893, growing colder and colder, never amused, lost without her. How depressed he'd been after their last talk together in that parking lot at McDonalds. There was so much he wanted to say to her. He blamed himself once again. For not having been able to say what he felt, for not having found the words.
She came to this cabin where she saw Loki and herself fighting again. He always held his magic with her, his hand resting on her chest to push her with the magic, because he never wanted to be mean, or hurt her. When she told him, 'Do you care about anything but the TVA?', and he wanted to answer: You, Sylvie, yes, you. That you, he would have liked to answer her but missed once again. Because of the circumstances, because of the fear that she might reject him.
“No... Loki...” Her tear-filled eyes observed everything.
He already wanted to tell her so much that he loves her, yes, it's said. 'I love you, Sylvie.' She heard Loki's inner voice whispering to her in her own mind. She knew it now.
Loki was sharing gasps in the present, out in that parking lot, so very distressing, with her of that enchantment. But so beautiful to live for her and relive for him. Sylvie lowered her hands a little on his neck to stop, but they remained so close. Loki opened his eyes full of tears, herself overwhelmed by everything she had received from him, through him. So much love, so much sincerity. It overwhelmed her. She trembled with Loki.
“Are, you, okay?” She questioned in spite of everything. Then she sniffed, overcome with emotion, with so much love. “I'm so-sorry-” She cried, her voice trembling. Loki was coming back to himself. But he cupped her face in his hands this time pretty fast. “I'm-sorry.” She repeated.
“I'm not.” He commented, also crying. Loki told Sylvie again aloud this time, “I love you. I can't-change that.”
She knew now. She breathed, swallowing, “You enchanted me too.” Sylvie confessed then, no longer holding back at all and finally letting her feelings out too. Why would she hold that back now? She accepted them and shared hers too. What it meant was just as much that she loved him in her own way.
Loki gasped, with an emotion-filled smile. “You do...?” He breathed, shocked at what he heard from her mouth. It was already a lot on her part for him.
Sylvie nodded into his hands still holding her face toward him. Her head felt so heavy suddenly and rested into his palms. He lowered his face very slightly. He closed his eyes, his tears flowing at the same time, before pressing his mouth to Sylvie's lips. She closed her eyes just as tightly. Loki could feel the saltiness of their tears on their lips. His fingers slid through certain strands of her hair. “Mm-” She grabbed the edges of his brown coat in front of her chest to pull him against her, even though they were already so pressed together, standing on tiptoe.
“I do.” She breathed between her lips. Loki couldn't help sharing a smile filled with emotion and happiness so close to her mouth, before placing another kiss.
The restaurant light still there, with that deserted parking lot. Their lips parted with a very delicate sound to breathe, only to rub against each other with love then. With such sincerity, such gentleness, such passion. So much held back for so long, that they had stopped holding on, at last. This spell that they had finally agreed to live, to let out with each other. Loki brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs before breaking the kiss gently.
“You did all this for me.” She whispered, emotionally. He nodded truthfully after her words. They kept their eyes closed for a moment before opening them again and looking at each other. He finally lowered his hands from her face. Sylvie loosened her fingers from his coat, returning to her heels. She placed a curl on his cheek. She wiped her eyes. Then, after a silence,
“Well... Can I have my food back now?” Sylvie asked, teasing.
Loki chuckled pushing back his hair, blinking away the last of his tears. He moved his fingers to rest her bag on the edge of her vehicle again. Sylvie smiled.
“Thank you. Would you like a taste?” She asked, already taking the bag in her hand. Loki grimaced a little.
“You don't have a choice. Come on.” She opened the door to get into her vehicle. Loki rounded the vehicle to come and open the passenger door.
“Is it a date then?” Loki asked, teasing himself, as he entered.
Sylvie looked at him, turning on the car's ignition.
“Mm hm.” With a cute smile.
They chuckled after all. He took her hand and kissed her palm, before she started the car and left the parking lot.